I am not going to name names.
I know... it's OK.
But I hate it when a celebrity dies. Everyone weeps, wails, gnashes their teeth over the poor dead celeb. In the meantime, lots of people having lived what I would consider much more meaningful lives are easily forgotten.
I remember how upset D. was at an anniversary of her son's death came and no one even called or texted. But everyone is going to remember today because ___ died.
I am not a big sports fan, Ron was never really into it for obvious reasons and that was fine with me. He does like baseball, though. I will watch that with him or listen to him talk about it.
But I can't see him having a meltdown like some of these guys are doing, over a dead basketball player. I read his daughter died with him, that is sad, I feel for her siblings and mother... but people die every day.
I remember when Gravy died... no one gave a crap, and worse, they wanted me to listen to all their stories of their dead pets and give THEM empathy they wouldn't give me. "Oh, I remember when I was 10 and my puppy got run over..." tears in their eyes, but couldn't even say 'I'm sorry about your cat". WTF?
One guy at work is very repetitive. He has like 5 stories, the first time he went drinking off base in Germany, when his dog died, etc. So I got to hear multiple versions of how his dog died and how he was too greedy to get her spayed and ended up giving all the puppies away to complete strangers... forget if they were humane or not, he was "tired of buying dog food", etc. And here I had agonized for an entire day over whether to put Gravy down or not.
I felt very isolated. I believe I had some good support here, I don't remember anyone being awful at any rate. And that's the sort of thing you remember.
Same with my mother, when I found out my mother died my father in law was very concerned at first, then found out it had been a while ago and I just found out - TOTALLY dismissive. It was painful, as far as I was concerned it had just happened, and I had been warned to steer clear of her, advice I am usually glad I took.
I was pretty much totally isolated taking care of Ron when my grandmother died. I had internet but that is about it and even then the prevailing attitude "She was old, anyway". And both deaths (or my discovery of them) happened within a month.
Now, if I didn't snap the first 3 months of 2003 I never will.
Ron run over
Laid off
Nearly evicted
Ron's family disowns him
Caregiving 24/7 for head injury dementia
Mother dies
Grandmother dies.
Little outside support
Extreme money issues
Ron back in hospital.
Makes the last couple months look like a cake walk! LOL
So I never get upset over a celeb death. The last and only one that really affected me was the actor River Phoenix. He bore a remarkable resemblence to a former friend and boyfriend of mine, John. That I found upsetting with the photos up on the tabloids everywhere with OD on the headline, reminded me of John. And I actually looked him up, we had lunch out of it. And I went home happy I had married Ron.
Yeah, John was a pretty big mess... and one point about 15 years ago he admitted to me, in a letter, he had been homeless for 3 years. I asked him point blank if he was an addict and he never answered.
What is it with me and addicted men? John had found out I'd bought a house, it had 3 bedrooms, and hoping to move in with us, I believe. But I would never move a (unrelated) man in here any more than I would allow Ron to move a woman in. That's just common sense. That would be epic trouble.
Especially with some of the stupid comments Ron is prone to making about me and other men, it being "OK as long as I can watch". Makes me look like a complete whore. No, no, no no. No.
He made a joke to the plumber he would let the plumber sleep with me if the man gave us half off. I was horrified.
But Ron has been very quiet today.
It was nice out but depression had me pretty bad today, hopefully it will be nice for a few days. I plan to go to bed early tonight.
I will be glad when I get my bed back, it is hard to have the cats sleep with me on the cot. But it's very lonely without them.
17 comments:
It's no different than the people on your blog who are upset about mama cat being missing and your role in why she is gone and your not caring or feeling sorry about it at all.
You put Gravy down because of ron. He made that call not you or did you forget?
Ron didn't make the call... he had his opinion it should be done and I thought about it for a while, talked to someone who had an amputation and they said it hurt badly every day, I did not want that for Gravy. I wanted him painfree or with Jesus. The vet could not assure me pain free, that's why I agreed.
I understand people are upset about Mama cat, but the last time I saw her she wasn't speaking to me and has likely moved in with someone else. If they ever scan her she will come back to us but that is unlikely. I at least went to the trouble and expense of getting her fixed. No one else did that. In fact, the other people in her life threw her out, pregnant, in the winter. Great people. She and the kittens were skinny when they came to me so no one feeding them, until me, again.
Even if she is gone I gave her a much better life than she had. Cleo and Spotty sleep in our beds in climate controlled comfort, sterilized and vaccinated. Spoiled rotten. Spotty is currently playing by my foot and Cleo spent most of last night and today in my bed.
I give cats a GOOD life. What they choose to do with that is up to them.
Now, on Nextdoor people post about every dead animal in the road - she has not been posted. she has not been picked up by animal control. She is social so likely has found a home. I am OK with it if she wants to live with someone else and glad I could do the prep work.
If you gave cats a good life you’d protect them at all cost. Which means not letting them out, not putting them in a shoddy enclosure or fixing the enclosure properly, etc. yes, it’s great you had her fixed and spent time and money on that effort. And I know you love them. But you need to follow through and feed them healthy diets and keep them safe if you are adopting them. It’s called a “furever home”. I do everything to make sure my cat never gets out of the house and has the best diet and environment I can provide. But there isn’t anything that can be done now. Going by statistics I doubt she just chose another home and they let her in. She’s either dead or just living outside.
Every death deserves sympathy. It does your heart no good to go through the effort of declaring how much you don’t care about this basketball player’s horrific untimely death. Dude was 41 and died with his 13 year old daughter. At least it should make us all realize life is short and live it the best we can.
If she doesn't want to live with me she doesn't. She knows where I am and what we offer; if she wants it we are here. I did provide 2 "good" shelters in the backyard in addition to the covered area on the porch with a cat bed. She may be using those.
I resent people canonizing a rapist. I have problems with that. I feel bad about the children who died but he was not "the most wonderful" anything. He was a rapist who got off because he was rich and powerful, like a bad episode of SVU. At least his victim got a settlement but I doubt it was "enough".
Why can't you just admit that you screwed up. Your callous attitude about "If she doesn't want to live with me she doesn't," is really troublesome. You claim to have compassion for animals but not even an ounce of worry on your part about what happened to her and if she is OK is concerning. And to date you still have not fixed the catio enclosure and continue to let the cats come and go. The whole reason you had the catio made was because of what happened to gravy (or did you forget how his leg got mangled?). You wanted the cats to be able to enjoy the outdoors but still be safe and not get injured or killed.
The people telling you about their dead pets when Gravy died were being empathetic. They were understanding your pain through a shared experience. Not everyone will provide empathy in the exact way you want. They tried.
I don't think anyone is "canonizing a rapist" in this situation. And I say that as someone who has been raped and I am very sensitive to people getting away with rape. The victim agreed to a settlement. He publicly read a statement approved by his victim. She accepted this as restitution. Her choice. Not yours. Nothing for you to resent.
I think you misunderstood people telling you stories about their dead animals. It is a form of “commiseration”. Just like you are limited in your social graces others can be as well. It is like saying “ i am sorry I know how you feel “ true it can hurt the receiver in a time of need but it is their kind of strange empathy. Second i wish these folks who can not see you did a wonderful thing would sthu and move to another target.
@ the comment about rape - how he settled it with the victim is their business. I agree.
But I had men I formerly respected praising the deceased as a "great man of God" WTF? Was that before or after he committed rape and adultery? Adultery, at the very least. That does not make a "great man" in my book and I really had to bite my tongue.
Got it about the dead animals... I was an obvious wreck at the time and some people were asking what was wrong...
Don't know where Kobe stood with God at the end .... but God can change anyone's heart if that person repents.. that's between God and Kobe. And while I get what you are saying about not jumping on the celebrity praise bandwagon, God still loved Kobe as much as He loves me or you and Jesus died to save Kobe just like He died to save me and you. And as I said, whether Kobe accepted that at the end is between he and God .... but that doesn't make his death any less sad, especially to God.
Ron has committed adultery yet you're still with him, so that is between him and his wife.
Yes, rape is horrible, so is watching your husband kill himself with alcohol. Some might say that's murder without committing the physical act. You really had me fooled this time about getting him help, never again will I believe you!
You are supposed to be a woman of God, but you are so judgmental and hateful I hope your God can forgive you. Being a loving Christian is not just reading and giving away bibles.
I think you should have taken the deal with the plumber. I bet he showers at least once a day and 50% off is a bargain.
I don't think you are judgemental and hateful. We all have our own biases and opinions and Kobe Bryant admitted he likes to strangle women during sex. What happened in his life to make him think that he needs to do this?
God doesn't care about death because he created ALL the diseases that cause death culling the herd is a part of and a fact of life. God knows that the physical body we so value here on earth is worthless and meaningless as are the material things we value. There is freedom in death.
Even ron knows that since he technically died before they brought him back to suffer with a brain injury and massive damage and pain to his back. Doctors don't care about quality of life - just bringing people back from the brink of death. Would anyone want to live another 10, 20 or more years in debilitating pain knowing it will only get worse?
Ron still being alive is not a gift from god it is a tragedy by the advanced medical interventions we have in this day and age. Same with the elderly who have dementia and are incontinent from both ends at 80 or 90 years old. The medical community gives them stents and surgeries, etc all to prolong the inevitable. Why is our culture taught to fear death?
The only thing that bothers me is your unwillingness to stop being abused by ron and your uncaring about mama cat. The rest is normal human emotions and feelings and opinions. Those who deny their humanness and the fact that we all have a shadow/dark side to our nature are the liars and need to start getting to know themselves a lot better.
David in the bible had his lover's husband killed on the battlefield and yet..........God redeemed him and he became Israel's king. Don't judge.
God also killed David's baby in retaliation for his trangresion. Not sure that was OK for the baby. Just sayin.
the only creature that dares to question or even curse their creator is man.
Heaven is not a punishment, it's the reward and babies who aren't birthed into this world don't have to suffer in this fallen world.
I am so glad i do NOT live in YOUR head! What a terrible existence it must be . Walk your iwn path, better yet judt go for a walk ! The fresh air might do you good !
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