New years eve

 I should probably start this by plugging a book I read many years ago about style for women "Fabulous You" that broke up women into various style types,trendy, sporty,romantic,classic,etc. I found out I am a mix between Sporty and Romantic. One notable thing she said about Romantic women we apparently like lingerie. 

So tonight found me using my gift card on some new undies no one will see but my doctor. But I will like them. I also got a more Sporty item in a four pack of tshirts I can wear to work. 

My adoptive Mom gave me my stepsister's phone number so we can text. She seemed happy to get some cat pictures. 

It was a really long process getting to the grocery store today, I won't bore you with details, horrifically busy inside the store as well. Even then according to Nextdoor it got so bad they were only letting 2 families in at a time. After I left. 

So I came home,put everything up, working on laundry. I am on my last load for tonight and will do the towels tomorrow after I am done cooking. 

I don't plan to cook much but it will definitely be enough for a week. It was nice to sleep in this morning and know I can stay up late tonight. 

Oh, I forgot. 

Were they not POSING?  Aren't they the cutest babies ever?  They just sat there while I took the photo.

I think I am going to try to nap a little before it gets really crazy. And I am pretty sure that is gunfire...

Saturday afternoon

 Well I made it through the week. I woke up with a headache today around 2 AM, took something, back to sleep, woke up again around 5, checked my schedule.  

I have 3 weeks of M-F 9-4. That is unheard of. Even the manager does not have that schedule.  I am utterly boggled. I will enjoy it while it lasts. 

I need to go to the grocery store today.  I want to do that early so I am going to get going.  

Back.  It was awful.  The store was packed. They had food for sale but it was hard getting around. My bags were heavy coming home. I need to take my cart with me no matter what. Loong lines. 

But the dates on the food were fantastic. Salad mix 2 weeks, same with kale greens, I found the $2 pound sausage, ground hamburger all good prices and sell by dates.  

But I am ready for a nap.   

Took it, but still a headache. I did start the clothes. I have one load mixed t shirts (including a stained one from yesterday), jacket, work vest, sweatpants (I wish I could wear for work!). 

I like to eat my breakfast at work before I start. Yesterday I was working on some Beanie-Weenie and dripped some red sauce on my lavender t shirt. I did not want to go around like that all night so I bought a navy t shirt. All we had were long sleeves which looked kind of odd with my 3/4 sleeve lace sweater. I got the XL 15-17 which fit. It was fine for work we just don't have a lot of long sleeve weather in Houston. But it was fine and it did not irritate my skin even though I couldn't wash it first. 

Spotty has been sleeping in my jeans drawer which wrinkled all the jeans,badly,so I am washing them to get that out as well. And I have my new fuzzy purple bathrobe I need to wash even though I have been wearing it just fine. I will be hanging up the jeans in the closet and then putting a soft throw in the drawer for Spotty. 

I heard ghastly noises coming out of the garage. I knew Biscuit had gotten out there as I put out some "Fat"clothes but Biscuit had come in.  I opened it, Spotty again.He was quite happy to be free. I hope he didn't pee in there. 

That's it for now. 

Beat the rain to work

 Ate my chicken leg quarter.  Realized I have caught Ron's bad manners re eating.  Was not asked to clock in early so I am relaxing.  Not sure how today will work but I will do my best.  

That's it for now

Thursday morning

 On my day off I met "the driver" I have ridden with him before a few times, he always seems very interested and happy to see me, asks a lot of questions, smiles a lot when talking to me. I thought he was in his late 20's but seems more like late 30's early 40's. Younger than me but doable. At any rate he was disappointed when I got off and asked me when I rode. I told him it varies due to my schedule.  

Yesterday my boss called me while I was on my way in to work asking me to start early, so I did, 2 hours.  I worked it so I was just under 6 hours total and did not need a lunch.  I got out to the bus stop as early as possible but I missed the early bus, I had to wait 15 minutes. 

And I realized this driver who seems to like me leaves the transit center at 6:30 and I would likely be seeing him again. And I did, he was thrilled. I stood up front so we could talk and boy did he. He told me his name (Rudy) and got mine. I told him a little about my life with Ron and he said he is doing a little vending machines on the side (I know a bus driver starts at about 48K, but after taxes and cost of living for most that is not a lot). 

Now, he seems a little "early" on the faith walk and I don't know his attitude on drinking either which is important. I don't know if he smokes. He did say he is a little uncertain about cats. 

So I called my aunt to tell her about this and she said she met the perfect man for me at the skin cancer doctor. He sounded great but he lives hundreds of miles away. We thought it was interesting God was dropping "suitable" men 

I have thought for a while the ideal guy for me would be someone who takes care of a feral colony but does not have any cats of his own. If he has cats and I do merging them would be very difficult. I saw that with Torbie and Baby Girl.  But I would want him to like cats. How is that for a request?  😂  Or maybe like Rudy just doesn't have cats (yet). 

I bet if it did work out one of my cats would claim him and turn him into a cat person. That's what they do. But not thinking long term he is just a nice man to talk to on my way home. 

It is interesting he got my name. From what I hear the drivers just call me "The Candy Lady".  In fact one guy who was training got me his bus. I got on and offered him the candy. He gaped at me.  His trainer said "That's The Candy Lady, you can take it" and he did. I thought that was funny. 

Yesterday I started (well supposed to start) at 1 so I had different buses than the "start at 1:30" ones I usually take. So that was all new drivers getting candy and booklets. I go where I am sent. 

I continue to have space bar issues. I don't know if it is my typing because I changed out the keyboard. 

I will be back. 

Took my shower, did my God Time.  I had a flashback of all the times I tried to get Ron in and out of a car while I was showering and not in a hurry to sign up for that again. Although for all I know he would be the one helping me out one day. 

I need to figure out what I'm wearing today and I also need to put some lotion on my hands. My bath soap is fine for the rest of my body but leaves me with very dry hands. I also need to find some liquid soap.  

Years ago Ron used to use the Walmart Milk and Honey liquid soap in the bath as body wash.  He loved it. So I bought a couple big jugs. Then he couldn't take a bath safely any more. I liked other hand soap so the jugs just sat under the sink. Then COVID and no one had soap except me under my sink, so I started using them.  After he died I couldn't part with them remembering him in the bath.  But it is GUMMY.  It DOESN'T LATHER.  So I need to throw it out and get something else. Something without a high fragrance because scent can be a huge migraine trigger for my aunt. 

Got my lunch packed;chicken in red wine sauce for lunch and dinner. I hope I like it. I am wearing one of my new watches I got with my gift card (it was an assortment of various colors for a reasonable price).  The interesting thing for me I have it on the smallest size and it just barely fits. I never would have thought that would be a problem. But it's cute,and it does fit. 

I need to bag up some candy. Only 4 bags today as I am getting a ride home from work tonight.  Yesterday was a long day riding in,working,and then riding another 2 hours back home. But I did it and I felt OK coming home 7 PM.  And as Dad always says it will only be getting lighter from here on. 

There are grandmother complications so Dad is flying out to help my Mom. He is worried she will burn herself out.  

Kind of depressed today I hope I can pull out of it.  I always work hard even when depressed but before/after I clock in sucks. I still need to do my hand lotion. 

That's it for now. 

Wednesday morning

 It took me a little bit to drop off but once I did I slept OK.  

When I got up I cleaned the litter box first thing. I have a higher dust litter that gets all over me and I need a shower after that, might as well work that in with my normal daily morning shower. Biscuit was very pleased and made another deposit for me once I had cleaned it.  It is funny to watch them cover, they are very intent on that.   Now time for my shower and God Time, get dressed, do up my lunch today. 

I am just bringing a lunch to eat before work and then a snack on my break. That should hold me all day.  

All done getting ready. It is interesting to me Spotty has taken over Ron's room. He wanted (Spotty) a lot of attention while I was in there doing my Bible study.  I do my Bible study in there because both Ron and Torbie died in there and I think it gives a better energy. They are both a lot happier in Heaven.  

Biscuit had peed in in the box which makes a rock with the litter, it was a big rock so I was very happy he is drinking a lot and urinating a lot, because he is prone to bladder stone disease. 

My air filters are arriving tomorrow, I am impressed because it's a big box.  But it says air filters on the box so no one will steal it. 

I do wish my HOA check would clear it has not yet. Maybe I should have done it online.  All the other property tax is due in a month I should have it. 

I need to do up a budget for next weeks' pay. Oh and I heard something I will get extra pay for Christmas?  So we will see on that.  If they do that would be nice especially with property tax coming up. 

That's it for now.  I won't be home until pretty late for me but I should be able to do a short post. 

Tuesday night

 Now that is funny.  I had a $50 balance on my Amazon card.   I reluctantly decided I had better buy air filters for the house with it as I am way overdue and I don't want to fry my system.  Poof!  (I got 6 filters)

Today I got a card from my step sister.  She has a very nice cat and 2 dogs. I got a great Christmas card with pictures of the fur babies. And an Amazon gift card. I thought that was really funny just moments after I spent the last one.  But I did get some lunch box ice things, a big bottle of perfume, and some watches. Not to mention the air filters.  With the first card. So that's not bad.  The second one can be all fun now. 

Anyway today I got up, got on computer, did my God Time, did my shower, left the house. I went to Kroger and bought a bottle of Gatorade for my tech guy. 

Notable: I am seeing a lot more people at the bus stop. All these years I have very seldom seen another rider at my home base, now there is always someone coming or going.  That's good, get the driver in the habit of stopping for me when I'm out there,and also letting me off in the right spot. 

I may have had something to do with the bus stop. Years ago it was just a pole with a sign by the side of the road.  It was that way for several years. Then the bus company did a huge revamp of all the routes. Prior to that they did a major survey asking people on the bus what they'd like, riding habits, etc. Relevant to this tale is the fact they wanted to know what I'd like. 

So I told them, have the X route and the Y route intersect.  Also put a proper bus stop at my home base (I gave the intersection). And they did merge the two routes...and put in a very nice bus stop that is covered,bench,etc. at my home base.  Just goes to show what Dad used to say, 'If you don't ask the answer's always no"

So I went to the Kroger and got the drink,looked around,didn't see much,and left. I rode to the other grocery store.  I forgot to look at the produce. I did get the candy I needed which was the primary thing.  I also got some spices. The pumpkin pie spice was on clearance and I can use that with some canned pumpkin for a good snack. 

I went to the takeout place and got some samosa. It was really good and spicy enough to make my nose run,delicious.  I was glad no one was around me at the bus stop as I blew my snotty nose and sniffled, eating the piping hot samosa. Yum. I only do that every few months. 

Then I came home and took a nap,had Cleo and Biscuit. It pains me to say they do not "allow" Spotty in my bed. So he slept in the dresser.  It is ironic he used to bully Cleo, he was food aggressive with her.  If she got near him when he ate he would attack her.  Now she won't let him sleep with her. They are otherwise very close.  He isn't into too much petting either, unlike the other 2.  

I only work 4 hours tomorrow but of course spend a lot of time on the bus each way going to and from. I still haven't 100% figured out meals,either. 

That's it for now. 

Early Tuesday

 I slept great. I will probably need to take some covers off the bed today but I have been very cozy in it the last week.  I had literally every blanket but two on the bed,and I have a lot of blankets.  One was an afghan I made that is 30 years old, on the back of the couch.  The other was a fleece blanket on the bed in Ron's room,because some of my cats are jerks and won't let Spotty in the bed. I wanted him to have a warm blanket. 

I weighed myself, up to 187. I will need to work on that. Low carb, high fat, eating will do it for sure.  I just need to be diligent. I made some chicken in red wine with some chicken leg quarters last night.  I can eat that today and tomorrow: just chicken,broth, seasonings, red wine. The leg quarters had a lot of meat on them. 

Of course I had to get a 10 pound bag so I have a freezer full of chicken leg quarters.  It is still pretty cold this morning but once it warms up it will be nice for a week or so. I might also make some chicken soup as well. That would be nice for work. 

Speaking of work I only have 3 days starting tomorrow and then the weekend (?!) off?  That never happens in retail. Never.  It makes me a little nervous having weekends off. But I will manage. Only bad thing stores will be busier and Post Office will be closed so it will be awhile before I can mail Mom's present. 

One thing I got for Christmas was a lace sweater that has to be hand washed.  Not a problem.  So I spread a towel on the foot of my bed for it to dry because I can't hang it and I don't have one of those racks.  Spotty loved the towel and has been sleeping on it the last few days so I guess the towel is staying (sweater is dried and put away). It is on the footlocker by my bed, just at the foot.  Not ON the bed (because Cleo and Biscuit are jerks) but right next to it so he can be close to the heater vent and me. In that order I am sure.  That is fine I don't care. As long as Spotty is happy.  He is an equal member of the house even though he seems to be low man right now. 

I need to take a shower, get dressed,look at my clothes and do I need to wash them (do need to wash work vest it is a little grubby), do my God Time, head out to grocery store. I may run by Kroger and get a special flavor Gatorade for my tech support guy it has been a few weeks.  Gift giving is a language of mine. 

I am thinking about making fun little Valentines for some of my cowokers I think that would be a lot of fun. Some chocolate and a little note, a box of those conversation hearts.  

I will tell you a story of the conversation hearts. When I was in youth group at church as a teen we had a guy in the group.  He was a year younger than me. He had thinning hair even as a teen but what he had was a nice brown, he was a white guy, had a little pot belly and bad knees even as a teen (Imagine him now!) but I adored him. He was very kind,smart, loyal.  

I gave him a note letting him know I was interested but his mother had Big Plans for him that didn't involve an emotionally unstable teenager having difficulty in school. I forgot to mention he was incredibly smart with straight A's. So we never took off but I saw him every week in youth group.  I used to sit next to him in the prayer circle so he could hold my hand. 

There was a big church split but right before my parents left we had Valentine's day. Remember I did not drive so I could not get back to this church. Anyway he took me aside as I was leaving and gave me a card.  It was a love note with a conversation heart "Be Mine" taped in it!  

AND I DIDN'T SEE HIM FOR A YEAR AND A HALF!  

In the meantime I met Ron and as we say the rest is history. My brother took me back once about a year later and he was still there (Chris,not Ron).  I was sitting on the couch when he came in and he ran over and sat next to me. Asked me out after church.  But I had already found someone so I declined. 

So I think about all that every Valentine's day. I do love those hearts and will enjoy handing them out. 

When I think about him I think of him happily married, surrounded by kids and maybe a grand child or two, a couple of dogs running around, a happy life. That's what I want for him. 

I tried to look him up but could not find him. So I left it alone. I wish him well. 

Chocolate is a migraine trigger for me (a bad one) so I will not be tempted by any of that this Valentine's. I might eat a little box of the hearts,though. 

That's it for now. 

Back online

 The internet is back.  It went down yesterday, they said they had it back, it wasn't (around 4 PM). After work I was tired. But I decided to to try rebooting the box tonight. That did it.  Glad it was an easy fix. I really did not want to call tech support. 

Blogger works pretty well on my phone. I was impressed today.  

Going to bed early. 

Some thoughts before work

 I am wearing more fitted clothes which is a pretty big change for me.  Today that is not really an issue except for an obvious wallet bulge in my jeans.

I am freezing; Ron ruined me keeping the temp at 85 in the winter.  Now it is 68 at home, colder than that in the breakroom.  Hopefully I can warm up working.  

My lemon verbena appears dead even though I covered it.  It has come back before, though.

I really think they have the AC going.  More on my lunch God willing.  

Internet is down!

 Work has wifi though.  Hoping it will be working by the time I get home today.

Cats are good and talked to all the family yesterday.  I did OK yesterday.  

I will take a vote

 Long or short hair?  

I have no idea how I would find a hair dresser on the bus line...

I talk about underwear

 So I also got some underwear which I had been wanting. 

I used to wear hipsters when I was a teenager.  Ron preferred something different on me (not a thong). So I wore that for 30 years. Went back to hipsters once about 10 years ago and it was bad on me at that weight.  So I went the old fashioned route.  

Losing weight we had a sale last year on underwear it was $5 for a pack of 6 which is half off. They had some hipsters in the mix so I went ahead and got them,liked them.  They are good on me again.  I also remembered some time back I got low rise brief and liked them as well.  But it hasn't worked to get them whenever I go they don't have it or the package is destroyed and someone took them all out (ick!).  

Turns out last year the hipsters were not on sale but I still like them.  So when my aunt offered to buy me some I said yes and got one in my current size and one a size down (which is goal size). If I can find some cute low rise I will get those with my gift money but not in a rush. 

My stepbrother sent me an Amazon gift card so I used that to get some "Red" perfume which is getting harder to find, a collection of inexpensive watches in various colors,and some lunch box ice packs. I still have plenty of money left. 

I also changed my billing for prime to once a month vs.once  year. I don't want to ante up $140 next month when they are likely cutting my hours and I KNOW for a fact I am going to have a high heating bill. So $15 a month is more reasonable even though it is more money in the long run. 

I am doing a load of regular clothes right now and then I will do my new clothes. Once they are dry I will try them on, see what works, get some of the bigger sizes out in the garage. I may need to get some more hangers as well. Clothes that don't work yet will go in a special box. 

That's it for now. 

A whole lot of pictures

 The neighbor did not have a big party.  I heard some voices outside but not for very long. 

I slept great.  Woke up with a headache but it is gone. I had some excitement turning on the water this morning.  I could not get a good angle and I had to clean out all the dish soap and cleaning products to get under there and get a good angle.  I was freaking out thinking it had frozen!  Glad I was wrong!  

I ran the water for a minute from the taps and that went well. Yesterday the toilet monster got me.  

When I was a toddler my mother was incapable of caring for me.  I have heard a story CPS had to get involved; I don't know.  I do know my Dad put me in daycare which at the time was a pretty radical move for a stay at home Mom but she couldn't Mom. 

So one day in daycare I was trapped in a stall with a flooding toilet and since then I am leery of them.  I feel they can be unpredictable.   I don't trust them,I give them the side eye every time I flush.  Ron called it the toilet monster he really got me on many levels.  

So,yesterday, I went to flush and the toilet made the most awful noises as the air got out of the supply line.  It was ghastly,it sounded like the toilet was going to blow up! Today it was washing my hands.  That's the only thing I don't like about turning off my water.  

So I "opened" my thrift store goodies. 

I got 11 tops and 5 pants. 

You were warned.  

I just don't take selfies and I don't have a full length mirror so I did my best.  

This is a work brand blouse I always liked it when we had it and coveted it when I walked by.  

Sexy red!  It is a synthetic fabric with a little gathering at the neckline. 

This is a dressier pullover I can wear with the dress pants further down.  

A nice basic teal I can wear to work, on my day off, etc. 

Jeggings!  In khaki. 

Color didn't show well but these are a cobalt blue.  Gloria Vanderbilt Amanda cut.  Size 14.  Fits but snug I will wait a few pounds.  

The dressy slacks.  

These are a basic pull on work pant. 

Aqua jeans!  Love them! Don't fit yet.  

 

I also got a nice purple robe from my aunt as well as a larger red crock pot (love red appliances) and some underwear you can bet I will be wearing. 

That's it for now. 

Christmas eve

 Well I made it through the day.  It was pretty hectic.  I don't feel comfortable saying a lot about some aspects of work but I will say I have ZERO desire to be a team lead.  I am happy to be a lowly associate and happily I can afford to live on  that.  

I had arranged to meet another employee at 5, an hour after I got off.  I sent her a text to confirm and she never got back to me, she was a cashier so I went looking for her.  We had all the checkout lanes open but she was not there, and not  in the breakroom.  I asked another employee and she had not seen her.  So I called a cab and went home.  

I could get mad but I'll say it 's just sad.  My keyboard is driving me nuts I'm going to switch it.  

Well lets see how the "new" one works. I knew I had a used keyboard out in the garage with Ron's junk. I even found a cell phone battery.  Remember the days when you could get a new cell phone battery?   I even cleaned up the front of my desktop and got all the USB cables plugged in the back of it now. I had 3 cables, the keyboard, the mouse, and the printer. 

I will be curious to see if my neighbor has the big party this year.  It doesn't matter, I can sleep late because I'm not going to my aunt's house this year.  How will I do?  I don't know. I will send Jack a text message because I think he will have a hard time.   

I got some cup of noodles this week because I could boil water I had stored to prepare them. I fixed one for myself just now but it is still way too hot to eat. 

That's it for now.  

Very busy at work

 As expected.  Store made big bucks last night.

Have had 2 energy drinks and 4 donuts so far today.  

I will do better tomorrow.  Hoping my ride home works out.  

I turned on the water

 Very busy last night as you'd expect.  We are about cleaned out of Christmas stuff including Christmas pj's, anything Christmas really, which is good as last year we had too much stuff.  Went through a drive through on the way home.  Jack was happy to do it as I got a Happy Meal for his grandson, who was in the car.  He's a cute little kid.  

Talked to Mom and Dad for an  hour, she is going back home next week.  She is ready to go.  Dad is ready to get her back.  He has been really gracious about it though.  I am sure he never thought his MIL would still be alive over 40 years after he married Mom.  

Not sorry I spent that hour.  Went to bed, slept  pretty well.  I was "bad" and had the electric space heater running near the bed last night, but I was fine.  It is in the bathroom now warming it up for me.  

I woke up with a headache, took some Excedrin, and went back to sleep for a while.  Then I got up and turned on the water.  It was fine.  It did scare me the water heater made some noises but seems fine now.  After I get ready for the day and fill  up my water bottles I will turn it off again as it will be nasty today, too.  

I have to do this as I have no insulation in my walls/attic.  I did not know this when I bought the house; I knew the attic could use "more" but never dreamed the walls had NOTHING.  At some point when I do my siding I will have to have insulation done and that should help a lot, because the water comes from street level, through my wall up to the attic.  Then runs across the attic from front to back.  All that is basically exposed so I cut the water if it gets below about 28.  

So I will cut it today, leave it off tonight, turn it on tomorrow and should be good I believe from then on until we get another front.  

Speaking of fronts we are getting 70's and thunderstorms in a few days.  I will have some higher bills as my heater has been running a lot, and I only have it at 68.  But again no insulation.  I am surprised I do as well as I do.  I have really been OK until that horrible storm in '21 when we had stiff winds and temperatures of about 10 degrees.  That I felt in the house.  And we had no electricity half the week (off and on) so no heat that was pretty awful.  And so worried about Ron the whole time but we made it.  

This time I've had heat the whole time.  

Work should be interesting but my buddy is there.  We can give each other breaks and lunches.  That will be a big help for both of us.  

The cats are sure liking that litter box today!  😂  I am scooping it every day so they have a good place.  

Going to take my shower.   Did that.  It was a little crowded in there with the buckets of water .  I kept hearing a popping noise and realized the lid on my lowest bucket (2 buckets on top of it) was failing and cracking and it was about to dump the top 2 buckets all over.  So I had to adjust that which meant even less room.  

I did not shave my legs but I got everything washed.  I am going to cut off the water in about 15 minutes.  Then work.  

It should be interesting.  

I went outside

 I have a stash of Hot Hands hand warmers.  I have been giving them away; I just went out to put some in the mailbox for the mail carrier.  It is COLD and windy, miserable weather.  I am wearing 1 pair long underwear pants under jeans, it felt like I was naked.  Even my top half (long underwear shirt under short sleeved Christmas cat t-shirt, under heavy coat) was cold.  No way I could take the bus to work today.  I might literally freeze to death at the bus stop.   Good thing I have Jack.  

Anyway I went out there and heard barking as I passed the fence.  That poor dog.  I am not a fan of dogs in general I see them as demanding, unpredictable at best, and loud, but I would never have an animal out in this weather.  Mine are all inside under the heater vent, lying on nice soft blankets.  I hope they just let the dog out to toilet.  

I hope.  I can also see why my furnace is running so "hard".  

My HOA hasn't gotten their money yet.  I am not too worried yet.  I did mail it from the Post Office.  

I have an hour and a half until I go to work.  I am really glad I got a ride but not sure what to do with the extra time.  

#6 came back again.  He is not working today.  This weather  probably also means he will not have the rowdy Christmas eve  party because it will be nasty then, too.  

That's it for now.  

Friday morning

 Well the night went OK, slept great.  A little worried someone on an online forum said pipes can still freeze even if you drain them.  I hope not.  Maybe I need to turn up my heater a little.  

That's the bad thing about having to work at Walmart I have to leave the house so I can't leave a space heater running under the sink, for instance, like I did last time when we did have power.  

And let's hear it for the power company.  I am sure the managers were up all night drinking red bulls and hot coffee but they did it.  Way to go.  That made my night a lot better.  

Work today, 1:30-8:30, I can do that.  I hope that one issue is fixed that would make my life a lot easier.  We will see.  

I am leaving the water off until Sunday.  I think this is "better" than last time because 1.  We have steady power so far unlike last time; 2. Not as much wind as last time; 3.  No wintry precipitation like last time.  I think these cold blasts are just going to be the wave of the future but we will see.  

Interesting, my contractor neighbor is leaving.  To work or to pick up something?  Feels like 2 degrees out there with the wind chill, I would think it's too cold to work outside.  Especially as he uses guys of dubious immigration status who assuredly do not have good winter clothes.  

Last night everyone was looking at the coats and thermals; the time to look at all that is when we had it a week ago and the forecast had just come out.  I, myself, went and bought some thermals before we had the big rush on them.  But the last time I took someone over there they were all picked over and looked really bad.  

I need to get ready.  Feeling bloated and up a couple pounds so I need to figure out what will fit.  

That's it for now.  

The big chill has arrived

 I got the card and WOW.  That was a very nice surprise!  I loved the card itself too.  It was funny I was debating could I afford to run the space heater and the furnace, I can now!  😂

The weather wasn't too bad to start.  I took my shower, filled up my buckets, made sure the water heater filled up again, cut off the water, let the taps drain, wrapped outside taps.  Got ready for work.  Left the house and caught the first bus OK.  

Second bus was delayed.  I wait along a busy street that intersects with another busy street.  I didn't SEE the wreck but it was there, lots of flashing lights but happily no ambulance.  I could physically SEE the bus stuck behind a barricade just SITTING THERE.  

And I realized I had gotten a little proud lately about my so-called  patience.  But looking at the bus I realized I was not patient.  I was very immature in my head waiting on it.  I told God I was sorry for being impatient and arrogant.  

The bus came eventually and I got to work on time.  I had my snack and started.  It was busy.  Problems with something vital to my job it was frustrating.  I was able to do it but not as well.  

I got my break and lunch OK.  The cold hit during my lunch, I could feel the back area of the store literally chilling down.  I hate to think what it will be like tonight.  

I was very glad I had cut off my water even though most of my coworkers believed A.  They didn't need to do anything or B. Just run the faucet a little.  But I heard from 3 other co workers who ran the faucet last time and had major pipe breaks so I am sticking with my dry taps.  I will be fine.  

Jack got me and wanted to go to Arbys.  Sometimes he likes to get food when he picks me up, probably the only time he left the house all day.  Of course I said that was fine.  We got his Wagu thing and he dropped me at home, I checked the mail (!) glad I did.  

I'm going to bed early.  

Busy today

 Not really cold yet.  I feel a little silly in my thermals.  My aunt said well below freezing at her place so it's coming.  

More when I get home if I have power.  

Thursday morning

 I got up early and filled some buckets, etc. so I can cut off the water.  Took a nice long hot shower.  Got dressed, 2 pairs of thermals.  One pair that fits now and one pair that's a 2 x and had plenty of room even over the other thermals.  Then a thermal top and my hoodie.  I will be wearing my Land's End coat so I should be OK.  I just need to find my wool hat.  I did that.  

I am taking a break and then I'll cut the water, wrap the outside pipes.  I have plenty of water stored, definitely enough for a few days.  I just need to see if they have more cat food.  I have enough for a while but I prefer a little extra.  

I slept pretty well last night that was nice.  I have a lot of blankets on my bed so it's nice and toasty, I like heavy covers but not really into "weighted blankets"

My computer is messing up I'm going to restart it.  

Did that, hopefully it behaves now.  I was streaming music on the desktop (this computer) last night and I think it was too much for the poor thing.  It gets very sluggish when I do that, I think I need more RAM.  

The trash pickup came, I put the can away and washed my hands while I could.  I plan to "do" the water shortly, cut off water, run taps until they're dry, wrap outside hose things.  Ron's Dad called them the "hydrants".  

It's all done... I am a little concerned about the weather because there is some drizzle.  If it's still drizzling when the cold front hits we will have ice and a lot of accidents.  

I wasn't too warm in all my layers which bodes well for work, although work was running the AC the other day when it was cold out.  The employees were NOT happy.  

That's it for now, I will post when I get home if I have power.  

Wednesday night

 I met a young man at the bus stop today, he was I would say late 20's, worked a steady job, had 3 kids.  We chatted and I gave him some candy with a booklet.  

That could not have happened if I had a "good" mother.  If I'd had a "good" mother (like my cousins' wives who won't touch anything suspect when pregnant) I would be a totally different person, probably pretty shallow, on the Beltway in my car to work every day.  I would not be sitting at a bus stop in a marginal neighborhood with a cold tote full of ham, with a sack full of candy with Scripture booklets at my side.  

God works it all for good.  Sometimes I see it; sometimes I don't.  Today I saw it.  And I hope I did plant a seed.  The fact that I saw him as a person and treated him with respect will affect how he views the booklet.  

I need to get back to the dishes.  I did get all the paint cans out of the garage and into the house.  I don't need frozen paint.  Not at what it costs!  I also bagged up the chicken leg quarters, put most in the freezer in sets of 2, put one set in the fridge.  I just need to cook it by the 26th.  I washed up very well afterward including my hands and arms, the outsides of the bags.  Took the icky chicken bag out to the trash, which never came.  But when that happens they come Thursday.  

I need to scoop the litter too while I am thinking about it... that's all done.  I did the litter, brought in the paint, and a case of water I found in the garage, did most of the dishes (the "urgent" ones) got the chicken sorted and washed up.  Topped off cat water bowls and did the litter boxes.  I don't need to do laundry.  Got my cold winter clothes out.  

Now I am going to bed.  

Wednesday

 Work was fine yesterday, boss gave me another compliment.  That is very unusual for her but I'll take it.  I was working hard at the time.  

Speaking of work I forgot to check my bank.  Yup, pay is there.  Did up the budget.  I have "enough" for food, bills, etc.  

Speaking of food I am giving the cats a little more dry food as animals need more calories in cold weather and some of them like to spend a lot of time out in the backyard.  I also put filtered water in their water bowls they like that.  I notice them drinking more when I do that.  That is good.  

I was going to wrap the faucets today but apparently I have to cut off the water and drain the  pipes first, so that will happen tomorrow morning.  

The thrift shop is great but sometimes the clothes can be a little whiffy, just a little stale smelling.  So I use the laundry sanitizer which of course I "have" to do.  And detergent, of course.  I am going to do my next load of clothes with some baking soda, a load with just baking soda, borax, washing soda, detergent.  Two loads basically.  Then I think everything will be good to go in my closet.  

I can't say enough about my laundry combo when Ron was alive, any stain you can imagine, BO, urine, feces, cat puke, all of it came right out.  My secret recipe: 1/4 c each borax, washing soda, baking soda, Tide pods to cover the load (3 for a big one which it usually was), let it soak (one hour on my washer) the run it as a standard "Heavy duty" load and it all came right out.  I always did a second rinse as well.  

Speaking of washing I need to take a shower.  

[later]

I went to 2 grocery stores today.  First I have to talk about the coat.  I bought a white puffer coat from Amazon this summer during Prime Day.  It was only $20.  However, it didn't pack well in my bag, got dirty easily, and was not water resistant.  I had a miserable day chilled to the bone one day when a cold front came in with a heavy rain.  So I have wanted  to donate it.   It is very warm, though.  

I put 2 Scripture booklets in it, one English, one Spanish.  I pinned a note on it "Free/God Bless" and prepared to take it with me to the bus stop.  But God sent a nice lady who gave me a ride to the bus stop.  I had no problem getting in the car with her she was a nice Spanish lady.  I managed to convey I wanted the bus stop and she got it.  

I left the coat on the bench.  It was gone when I came back.  

I took lots of candy with Scripture booklets they were a big hit with everyone.  I went to the Kroger first, I figured they had the best odds of ham.  And all the store managers were hovering around a woman who was clearly with the district or corporate, Someone Important at any rate.  I walked right up and asked where I could find the ham and one manager took me.  However I found a much nicer and tastier ham in the discount meat bin, $5 for almost 3 pounds.  I ate some for lunch it is good.  I got that (I have to eat it by tomorrow) and a traditional ham slice with the bone in it for actual Christmas day.  I got some tea and a few other things, and left.  

I rode to the other grocery store, the one nearer my home.  It was mayhem.  Winter Storm + School break + Christmas combined to make a perfect storm.  I called my cab driver buddy, who said he could get me in an hour.  And boy I needed all that time.  I got 2 cases of water because I will not have water for a few days and it's always a good idea to have some on hand, no ham to be found, already had cheese, did get some salad mix and a coleslaw kit that looks interesting.  Cream cheese, blackberries, caramels to hand out, etc.  

I just had enough time to drink a soda before my buddy showed up.  I overpaid him but it is Christmas and he's the guy who helps me take my cats to the vet.  I don't forget things like that.  

Got home, put it all away.  Now I need to do dishes tonight.  

That's it for now.  

Tuesday morning

 My aunt came, she was surprised to hear I was depressed in spite of her coming but I did perk up.  We went to the post office and mailed my check to the HOA.  It's due New Years.  That's plenty of time.  Then we went to the thrift store.  

Mom was apparently, and my aunt too I believe, horrified that all I wanted was underwear, some "healthy" cleaning products, and a larger red crock pot.  My aunt told Mom I would really enjoy a trip to the thrift store so we did that.  I found a lot of great stuff I don't remember most of it but I will "open" it Christmas and tell you about it.  I got some cute blouses that fit as well because all I have for that is 2X and 3X and I am an XL now.  After that my aunt took me to Walmart where she got me some underwear 😂, a nice natural "Lemon Verbena" cleaning spray, and a larger, red, crock pot so I put all that under the tree.  Then we went to dinner.  Chilis.  I had the chicken strips I like them, there.  

Next stop,  grocery store.  I don't need much but I can always use rides.  They were out of the ham I wanted, they were out of all ham except for huge hams half my size.  I got some ground beef and some ground sausage, with a bag of shredded cheese and some taco seasoning.  I can do a lot with that.  I will also look at Kroger tomorrow.  

Then they dropped me at home, I will see them this morning for breakfast and then they are giving me a ride to work.  The cats are pretty used to my aunt and uncle and while they leave the room, they don't "flee" like they used to.  

While at work I saw 2 of my bosses who both said it was OK to wear my Santa leggings to work today.  So I am.  I brought a pair of jeans as well in case the other boss objects.  It is pretty tacky.  I also paired it with a Santa hat I found in the garage.  

I may tell my boss this but work has only seen me at my lowest.  I am doing better now so they will see the "real" me.  Hopefully they like that.  

That's it for now.  

I don't know about my HOA sometimes

 I am glad  they are there and keep  the neighborhood clean.  

Last year I called and said please take Ron off my account.  They said they couldn't until the appraisal district took Ron off the deed.  

They did that.  So this year I called and asked nicely could they please take Ron off the account it upsets me to see his name on things.  Now they say they need a death certificate.  

COME ON.  Fine, they want Ron on the account he will stay there.  

I think I traumatized Mom.  I sent her a link to my Christmas wish list page (requested to do so).  One thing on it was a link to some new undies for me if she was so inclined.  That is the sort of gift I got a lot growing up.  

She took one look at the list and said she would give me some cash.  

I guess I will have to buy my own.  😂  Not that anyone's going to see it other than the cats.  And I am pretty conservative in my undies but I think it was just too much.  

This headache will not quit.  More Excedrin on board good luck sleeping tonight!  

Fake it "till you make it.

 Depressed, took a lot to get in the shower but I did it.  Did the shower.  

While in the shower I thought I have had some of my new jeans getting a little loose to the point co workers are noticing.  I have a box of "doesn't fit...yet" jeans so I got that out and tried it all on.  Several did not fit, by a mile.  Two fit, one well one a little snug but still OK.  So I added them to the roster and put  the rest back under the bed in the box.  So that was mixed but glad to have some new jeans, I needed some black, got that.  I needed some blue, got that.  

I put away all the clean clothes.  My aunt is on the way.  I am wearing my Santa leggings "fake it till you make it" being my motto around others when depressed.  

That's it for now.  Oh and I am wearing a t-shirt.  

Monday morning

 I couldn't sleep so I got up.  I was cold so I got out my "little" 200 W heater from the garage and put it in  the house by my feet when I'm on the computer.  It is nice and toasty and should keep my bills down.  

My aunt said she is coming today so that will be fun.  I need to clean up but I have plenty of time.  She won't be out for about 12 hours or so.  

I think I am going to try to go back to sleep.   I did for a while but have a headache I am battling.  

I need to clean the litter box.  That is next.  Then a shower, and the dishes.  That is all  the work I have planned for the day aside from laundry which I don't consider as work.  

Work was our first place, the landlord said Ron and I could use his washer, but after I moved in he said we had to go to the laundromat.  Ron was pissed but it was a landlord's market.  So we put the clothes in trash bags, walked a mile to the bus stop, rode the bus a few miles, got off, crossed 2 streets to the laundromat.  Used the services and did the whole thing in reverse.  It was a pain bringing Ron's dress shirts home.  It didn't matter if we had them wadded up in a bag on the way there but it was a big hassle getting it all home.  We would bring hangers and hang them on a backpack Ron wore.  

That lasted a year then it was dubious apartment facilities for the next 10 years or so, including the one with the panty thief.  Ron would have to wait in the laundry room when I did my underwear.  Don't guys like that grow up to be rapists?  If I could do it again I would report it to the police.  

You can imagine my joy when Ron bought me my first washer and dryer.  This is not "hard".  I've done "hard" laundry.  It is also nice to only save my quarters for the vending machine at work.  

I need to get going on the litter boxes.  Got them going all 3.  They only like 3 although I have 4.  When Ron was alive I had 5, one in his room, one in mine, one in orange room and 2 in front room.  I took his out but have the rest even though they don't use the one in my room; it's there and they really should have one for each cat + 1.  So I do.  They are all done up.  I am burning a nice lilac candle.  

I cleaned up the "guest couch" so it is nice and ready to go.  I need to take a shower and then do dishes and I'm done.  The house isn't perfect but it's a lot more guest ready now.  

That's it for now, more later.  

Sunday evening

 Work was very busy but my boss did give me a compliment.  Coming from her that is significant.  

I realized something about some of my coworkers, they were bothering me and I finally narrowed it down.  They complain a lot.  They are ungrateful.  Take it from me, you have to value the good things in your life, a person or  pet who loves you, good health, etc.  There is always something you can find.  

My bus was late which meant I had to come home in the dark, half an hour later than I would have liked, but I had a ride home.  For a minute at the bus stop I had thought I lost my bus pass so I was very happy to find that.  

My aunt may be coming to visit tomorrow that will be nice.  I need to clean up the house anyway so I can do that in the morning.  

That's it for now.  

Be grateful.  Tell someone why you appreciate them.  Give your pet the extra treat and petting.  

That's all.  

Got rides arranged

 For the worst of the cold snap.  I also picked up some thermals I am a large in the pant.  Not bad considering I used to be a 2x!  

Sunday morning

 Yesterday was fine but busy.  I got my lunch late but that was OK.  At home I am trying to get ready for the cold weather coming next week.  This week.  Rain on Monday, deep freeze Wednesday night for a couple days if I am not mistaken.  I will have to turn off the water; we may also lose electricity.  Just like a few years ago.  

I remind myself t his time I will not have crushing anxiety over Ron.  It's just me and the cats but getting to work may be an issue.  And no water and possibly no heat/electric is always a big deal.  

But it may be nothing we will just have to see.  I know God has me.  It looks like Thursday night and Friday night are the bad ones.  Plan is take a shower Thursday night, cut off the water and turn it back on Saturday morning.  

Speaking of showers...

 All done made my lunch as well.  I am just doing a can of chili with some cheese.  It worked fine yesterday.  

The heater is running a lot I am a little worried about the utility bill.  And I figured out my transportation for the next pay period, how much I have to budget for rides.  I plan to get a ride on Friday morning if possible because I really don't want to take the bus if it is 20 degrees F out.  That just doesn't seem like a good time.  I always budget a little for "bad weather" and if that sort of thing is NOT I don't know what is.  And I only answer to myself on that.  

Enough about the weather.  I saw the cats this morning, Biscuit and Spotty gave me some love.  Cleo is acting a little skittish today.  I am glad they can stay inside, I have nice fleece blankets on the bed although they have been sleeping in my jeans drawer lately.  I discovered one pair has a stain on it and two are starting to get baggy.  I may need, in a few weeks, to try on some 14's at work and maybe buy one if needed.  

I think it helps I am pretty active at work.  That helps me burn more calories even Carb Manager says a standing job burns about 1,500 calories for an 8 hour shift.  That's a lot of food, I don't eat t hat.  

Speaking of food I need to get some more Walnuts and cheese, I am also thinking to get some thermals if they still have some left in my size.  I do have some that are 2x and are baggy but I would rather not wear that if possible.  We will see.  

That's it for now, I am off tomorrow so for sure posting tonight.  

Saturday

 It was a long day but I made it and helped a lot of customers, helped Walmart make some money.  

I forgot to take my pills on my lunch so I had to take  them when I got home, a little queasy.  

I'm tired... just waiting for some laundry to finish and going to bed.  

Friday dinner

 God has given me some empathy for my boss.  She is under a lot of pressure. 

She called me early and asked me to get there as fast as I could; understanding that would be a while.  Buses aligned and I got there a few hours early.  She was happy to see me but stressed.

It has been really busy but fast.  And I will make an extra $25.  

That's it for now.

Friday morning

 Tired and still somewhat depressed but I made it.  

They did not do the party tonight they say it happens tomorrow.  We will see.  One of my coworkers walked off the job tonight.   

[Next day]

Talked to Dad a little when he got home, he was out with friends.  Slept OK still woke up tired.  I think that is just the medication; not that I'm going to be stopping it.  

I hear we might have some power outages next week so it seems a good time to charge up my power packs, so doing that.  I am not really worried about anything but the cell phone.  I can get text alerts from the bus company if they shut down service and I can use the phone to call out if I can't get to work.  I can type out a small blog.  I am just being cautious.  It is a good idea to have these little power packs charged up anyway.  

Still depressed but hanging in there.  I would hate to see me without faith: likely dead by my own hand.  But God can use me like this that is all that matters.  

It will be interesting to see if they do the party tonight, I hedged my bets and brought some frozen meals just in case.  If they do have food my frozen food can keep it cold in the lunch bag.  They are handing out the meals at certain times and then it is up to the employee if they want to eat it then or store it.  I plan to put mine in a ziplock and in my lunch bag until my lunch.  

I was very embarrassed this morning I cried over the Christmas Shoes song.  Of course Ron met Jesus mostly naked so it just goes to show we all meet him different ways.  And the soul leaves the body so it really doesn't matter what the body is doing.  

That was the odd thing for me after Ron died and I was left with his body in my house.  His body was just dead meat; what made it Ron was gone.  That was immediately obvious to me.  I tried to sit with him and hold his hand but I was just completely creeped out and left pretty quick.  My aunt found me sitting outside actually.  

They would not let my aunt inside the house, though.  She couldn't even look at him as they took him away.  I guess they had to do it that way as he died suddenly at home and the doctor said he wasn't sick enough to just drop dead (wrong, doc).  I feel bad she didn't have that closure.  

I need to take my shower.  

Oh the co worker who left is a very proud women.  Our boss can be difficult and she has a pretty high turnover.  The final insult, apparently, was calling the coworker after she had clocked out for her lunch.  The coworker was in her car driving somewhere when she got the call and was very annoyed at it, thought on it some, and decided it was worth quitting over.  

What she has said she has other money coming in so I guess she "could" do that.  I am reliant on my salary.  

 One time in 97 I walked off a job with a tyrant boss.  It was a small coffee shop, 2 owners also living together they fought constantly and always trying to get me to pick sides.  The owner accused me of stealing food then admitted she caught her dog eating it.  What kind of food establishment allows a dog in the food area?  Where it could access?   A guide dog would never do that or a trained service animal, but this was a hyperactive husky mix that scared me, the male owner was always forcing me to drink cup after cup of coffee I couldn't sleep at night.   It was pretty bad BUT I had Ron with his paycheck AND his social security check as well so I "could" quit.  My current job is not as bad as that was.  

And my vanity has caught up with me.  I will share a small secret I have not before.  First I have to say Ron counted up the women once and he had slept with over 30, seen a lot of naked bodies.  When we got together he found it fascinating I had a line of hair going down from my belly button about halfway, then it just stops.  He said he had never seen that before but it didn't faze him.  From what I have read in books and seen on the beach that is a man thing.  I don't pretend to understand it I just live with it.  But a while back at work I was wearing medium rise jeans (a little under my belly button) and a longer top at work.  I went to put up my bag on a shelf and my top pulled up, exposing my belly.   And I thought how embarrassed I would be if someone saw the hair.  So I got out the Magic Cream shave but that didn't work.  I got out the razor, that did work.  But I have to do it every day it wants to come back.  I do my legs about once a week but I am doing that every day.  I find that funny.  But it looks good now.  I have no plans to shave anything else.  

That's it for now.  

Thursday morning

 I slept OK last night if you are praying for that it is working.  I have decided to do something that may be rather foolish and I hope I don't regret it.  

They are having a Christmas party at work today with a catered meal (likely).  Normally I pass on the meal and just get a dessert but I have decided I will try it and hopefully not get sick.  So I am just bringing some cheese, green salad, and fruit salad.  I will buy a couple of double cheeseburgers if the meal looks iffy or they don't bring it.  

I can use prayer for that and also for the app to work, I had a lot of difficulty with the app the last day I worked.  I need this to log in and out and obviously get paid so a big deal to me.  

I am 181.6 today so that's good.  I have a little wiggle room if I want a snack.  I have decided I will have one piece of pecan pie if they have it and no other dessert.  I think it is important to plan that in advance.  I will be riding in on the bus and then taking a ride home.  

I will likely not talk to Mom as she is in Florida which is an hour ahead.  But Dad is 2 hours behind me so he is likely.  

I need to take my shower.   Done.  

Really depressed today.  I hate this about my illness.  Should be a festive and happy time of year instead I am depressed.  Grief mixed up in it too, grief + bipolar is no joke.  

When I see my doctor the temptation will be to say look how good I'm doing but I will be honest and tell him it has been hard.  And it has.  Today is just a bad day.  

Trapped!

 Bisciut is in my lap.  Cant get to computer.  He is adorable.  I am not going anywhere.  

Wednesday afternoon

 So I was out of candy.  I felt bad about that.  

I went to the Asian grocery first.  I wanted purple sweet potatoes and they had them.  Side note the potato is white, not purple, but the flesh is.  It was also $3 a pound so not cheap but full of good antioxidants and I love sweet potatoes.  

I got some sesame oil, the black sesame oil was sold out so I got another brand that had some left.  I wanted toasted sesame oil we will see what I got.  I wanted to get some lobster ramen for a friend but they did not have it.  I got the duck flavor.  

I was hungry so I bought a pastry which was good, not too sweet.  

Then I went to my main grocery store.  I got guavas, oranges, banana, a mango.  I recently "did" a pomegrante (hwoever you spell the damn thing) and have a container full of the little seed things all ready to eat.  I thought that would be good mixed up with some berries so I bought some blackberries and blueberries.  That will make a nice fruit salad for work.  Full of antioxidants.  So lots of fruit.  Then I bought some kale and a container of mixed salad greens, the greens are organic.  I didn't see organic kale.  

Now we have a lot of grocery stores in my area.  Food Town is one, the last time I bought chicken I happened to be there, I bought a couple of chicken thighs for a few dollars.  They have small portions to large ones.  This grocery store is different, they have big family packs.  I could buy a TRAY of chicken thighs but it would be $8 and a 10# bag of chicken leg quarters only cost $4.50.  I figured I could clean out my freezer and decided to buy the chicken leg quarters.  I also bought some ground beef.  

 I needed candy, which meant some pinata mix and some caramels.  They had the caramels but not a whole lot, and the pinata mix was cheaper than what I can get at work, same brand.  That was 7 pounds alone of the candy not counting the chicken, ground beef, and produce.  

I am stubborn and proud.  I am not proud of that although I feel the stubborn has served me the last few years.  I was too stubborn to give up after Ron died.  And how sad that I can put  those two words together.  "Ron" and "Died".  Anyway I know God is working in particular on my pride.  The fact that I had to go begging for jobs at McDonald's and the fried chicken place was very humbling, especially the fact the fried chicken place did not want me.  I felt that was very lowering.  

So Dad bought me a folding metal grocery cart so I wouldn't have to struggle with my groceries on the bus.  Did I bring it?  No, because I am proud and also judgemental and didn't want to be seen as one of "those" ladies with the metal cart full of junk.  So I struggled to bring it home, it was not pretty.  I had to keep putting it down and I kept thinking about Gavin De Becker in "The Face of Fear" when he talked about women's safety and how I should only bring what I could comfortably carry or make another trip.  Another trip was impossible but I could have brought the cart.  And I was embarrassed I had been so proud/stubborn/judgemental.  

I got home and the cats had done something that Baby Girl used to do which had me spiraling into depression and grief.  I never really mourned her and Torbie I just kind of shoved it down and kept going, well, it is coming out.  

I cleaned out some old stuff in the freezer I had not eaten in over a year and hopefully made enough room for the chicken.  10 pounds is a lot of meat.  I also had to reconfigure the fridge.  I have the salad mix I am eating, the new salad mix, and the kale all in there along with the celery.  I find I am eating a lot more fruits and vegetables lately.  That can only be a good thing, I feel.  

I am too depressed to do much today but I at least got the groceries.  I still haven't figured out what I'm eating the next 4 days but at least I have some options.  

That's it for now.  

Wednesday morning

 Hopefully I explained my remark earlier about failed marriages.  God knows mine wasn't much of a treat.  One thing I see with Jack in particular, if a man I date has kids they are likely to have MAJOR issues with me in his life.  That is something I would rather avoid.  

Speaking of Jack we went through the drive through this morning.  He was thrilled to hear he could "get" a combo, I got a combo, and I had money left.  I am sure he enjoyed it, I will hear all about it Thursday I am sure.  I had plenty of time to eat my food before work.  

I had an easier boss today, she left me alone to do my job. 

Next day.  

Torrential rain as I was leaving work so I took the cab.  Not sorry about that but that means I have to be careful as my emergency trips are gone.  

I slept pretty well, too.  I remember wondering if I would ever sleep again after Ron died, just lie down and rest for 8+ hours.  Now I do a lot of nights so that is good.  We did get more rain in the middle of the night, though.  

I bought more cat food yesterday so I don't have to feel bad about feeding them today.  

I went back to bed for a while and was thinking about presents.  I am slowly building up some gifts for my parents.  I have what I consider to be a good amount right now but I might get some cookies for Dad and I lost my tape again so I will need to get that before I ship it.  I am not sure what I will do for my aunt and she reads this so I won't tell when I do.  I have a few ideas.  

But I was thinking about gifts.  My #1 favorite gift was craft stuff.  I loved all  that.  I have dabbled in many crafts, crochet, knitting, lace making (fine needle crochet), I wanted to try tatting, spinning yarn, beading, you name it.  So I loved anything along those lines.  One of my all time favorite Christmas gifts was a small weaving loom.  

But I always got dolls.  Now when I was little I really enjoyed stuffed animals.  Like a lot of kids I had "my" stuffed animal.  When I woke up from eye surgery I wanted my stuffed animal.  I was coaxed into giving it up when I was about 7 and it was done in a clean and loving way so I am OK with that.  But I had other stuffed animals, bears, etc.  I liked getting those but one year my birth mother was manic, I told her I liked stuffed animals, and she bought me a whole trunk full!  My adoptive mother talked me into keeping a few and donating the rest to toys for tots.  The tots got some good stuff that year!  My birth mother was erratic, some years I would get a lot of gifts from her but most years I got nothing.  

One thing I remember from my 10th birthday someone sent me flowers in my birth mother's name and I thought it was great she had remembered me.  Were they from her?  Who knows.  But I liked the thought they were.  By the way I don't like cut flowers now because they die.  I would rather have a nice bouquet of fake flowers like I did for my wedding.  

But I kept getting dolls.  I am an engineers daughter.  I wanted legos.  I wanted an erector set.  I wanted craft stuff.  I didn't want another doll.  They all got donated eventually.  And I had to write a gracious thank you note "Oh she is so pretty I can't sleep without her" sort of thing.  That's why I prefer a list then I know I'm getting exactly what I want.  I don't want someone wasting their money on me.  

Gift giving is a love language but that can be small, a while back a friend brought me a Mountain Dew.  that was very sweet.  You can bet I drank it.  I gave her a pepper spray, she leaves the store at night at midnight and I feel better about her in the parking lot now.  That's all I can afford but we both feel better her having it.  

I think I sound ungrateful, I hope I'm not.  It is raining right now so no trip to the grocery store.  Not yet.  And I will have to wear my waterproof shoes when I do go.  I am glad we are not dealing with drought conditions that can be difficult for a foundation.  And there are a million things to worry about with a house including foundation issues.  

#6 kid is having a tantrum in their driveway.  It is embarrassing.  Ron and I always said we would be strict, and spank if necessary.  Not a lot of young parents are doing that these days.  

I remember one time I worked at Target, I was a cashier.  We had a candy display by the checkout it went from ground level up to about shoulder level.  Kids would always ask their parents if they could have candy, Mom would say no.  The kid would open it anyway (milennial age).  The parent would sigh, hand it to me to scan, and then GIVE IT  BACK to the kid.  Teaching them that disobedience is  rewarded.  One time and one time only: the mother handed the candy  to me, and then, firmly, said THROW IT AWAY when you're done.  Yes, ma'am, I said promptly and threw it away.  The kid started wailing and the mother grabbed him and said "We're going to talk when I get home, but I told you no and NO MEANS NO every time!"  The kid sniffled a little but looked up at her with a lot more respect.  

Ron "looked" with his hands, and when he was able to shop with me he would "look" at the candy display by the checkout to tease me.  He didn't like candy he was just pulling my chain.  

I used to love Reese's and then moved on to Snickers but I don't eat candy now.  I just had some walnuts that was it.  

Plan is to take my shower, do my God Time, get dressed and out the door, go to Asian grocery and get sesame oil, go to main grocery and get everything else.  It should be an interesting day.  

That's it for now.  

Tuesday morning

 I slept pretty well last night which is good.  I need to stop having cold drinks in the fridge for when I get up.  I get a chill drinking them, that's my worst problem so far.  

A friend sent me a filtering water pitcher and Biscuit loves the water.  Good.  I like it, too.  Last night lying in bed I realized I had put out the trash a day early but it is supposed to rain today anyway and I don't want to fight with it in the mud.  Also it is heavy I cleaned out some old cat food before the guys got in there with the construction waste.  

I need to buy some cat food today after work which means I will get home a little later but the cats are worth it.  I can't buy it before work because I don't have anywhere to store it.  And it is a specialty item I can't see it flying off the shelf.  I only work 5 hours so that won't be too bad.  Well 6 hours and I have to take a lunch, but it's going to rain, it's a Tuesday, I don't expect it to be very busy.  And we are almost through the Christmas season as well.  Which I mean probably equals cut hours so more time off but less money.  

I am glad I could give my guy some business fixing the house, and also get in the good graces of the HOA.  I don't want to be the ramshackle house.  

I tell you, if I won the lotto I would absolutely get new siding and insulation, then paint, a new roof.  The water heater is doing alright, Ron bought the "lifetime" one back in 2006 and it seems to be.  I don't use a lot of hot water anyway.  

Inside the house I would get an organizer to help me with the kitchen, get one of those off the counter microwaves, I am fine with the cabinets and counter but I might get a new dishwasher and of course a new garbage disposal.  The rest of the house is fine.  I would put some light fixtures in the bathroom and Ron's room that is all.  I already have new paint and floors.  

One thing I need to do is get the bill stuff organized.  Right now I stack up the bills on a cat condo.  I need to have them sorted and filed, I am thinking files in a milk crate.  Where to put the milk crate is anyone's guess.  Or maybe one of those filing cabinets that I would put in the orange room.  I have time to think about it.  I don't want it on the floor because the house flooded once when I didn't own it; flooded once when I did own it, and has ALMOST flooded several times when I did own it.  So I don't keep anything on the floor.  Especially important papers.  

Oh, and I need a new light over the kitchen table.  My guy does electrical work so the plan is to call him out to do all 3 lights at once, Ron's room, the laundry room, and the kitchen table light.   The kitchen table will be a little trickier as they will have to hang it from the ceiling.  

I got an ad for my former church.  Things were going pretty well except for transportation until the pastor read my blog, found out I was talking about my troubles (he called it gossip but not to my face, just made a lot of pointed comments during sermons about gossips and their blogs).  I always told  Ron you are a part of my life and I am going to talk about you.  Ron got to determine what I said.  He felt that was fair.  Any future man in my life will have to understand that too.  So the pastor made comments about me blogging.  Then he started in on mental illness drugs, how "everyone who took them was a drug addict and a sinner" etc.  Of course I had issues with that.  

Trust me he would not have wanted me around all those happy little families without my medication!  It would have been NOTHING but drama.  To top it we had issues with rides no one wanted to help us.  So we stopped attending.  

I told a friend of Ron's about his death, he had attended the church for a while, pretty soon I get a call from the church "I will always be a member, just call for anything, we can arrange rides" now?  What about when Ron was alive?  But now he's dead you can?  That didn't sit well.   And they have 4 church services on Sunday now so obviously popular with someone.  And 95% of what he taught was Biblically correct but Jesus said it has to be 100% because a little yeast (bad teaching) ruins the whole batch.  

So I'm not going.  It is a little upsetting to see the ad though.  I really didn't appreciate the one guy coming out to my house "with a word from the Lord" (he had a failed marriage) telling Ron he was "making Heather depressed with your drinking" and telling me I was "exposing" Ron by talking about his behavior on the blog, that I had to "cover" everything (including I assume abusive behavior).  With the pastors blessing he said all that.  That really burned.  

I have determined God wants me to tell the truth.  There are a few private things I have not shared, such as things Ron told me about his childhood that are really only his to share.  But my own life/thoughts are an open book and I like it like that.  

I need to take a shower.   That's done and got my lunch packed.  I am wearing some of my new to me jeans.  These are the ones my aunt said fit me really well.  They are a skinny cut, I prefer a looser leg generally but they are cute.  Kind of a greige color.  

Spotty is so cute today, meowing all over the house.  He got on my clothes while I was getting dressed he clearly doesn't want me to leave.  But I need to pay the bills.  

That's it for now.  

Monday

 It was always very important to Ron to be a provider.  It wasn't enough to supply a disability check, he wanted a paycheck as well to support the family.  At one point that meant selling newspaper subscriptions over the phone even though he said he felt like a "whore".  

When we moved to TX he could not enroll in the blind vendor program for 6 months, which meant he had to sit at home when I went to work every day, and hear all  the neighbors leave in the morning as well.  He said it always made him felt terrible and was so glad to start his  training.  I'm getting a little of that this morning, hearing all my neighbors leave.  

I feel particularly bad about #2 as I made some noise a few times putting out trash because I did not see a car.  They had it  parked in the garage, which is smart as we have had a lot of catalytic converter thefts lately.  

I need to find something good on TV I guess I already did my Bible study.  First load of laundry done working on the second.  I like to hit my jeans, and my work vest, with some sanitizer because I have seen very unclean people sitting on the bus (jeans) and I am exposed to God Knows What at work.  One reason the vest comes off at home, and the jeans come off the minute I walk in the door.  

The guys are here and the dog next door did pretty well for a few hours, but now "Fluffy" (sounds like "Cujo") is barking her head off and snarling... oh boy.  and Carb Manager is acting up as well.  I did pay my bills, I got the electric, and water, today got the gas the other day.  It is very gloomy and moody.  I was happy I did some cleaning, and I caught up on all the laundry including my 3 Christmas shirts.  I like being festive at work.  

Dad was invited to an ugly sweater party tonight and has no idea what that means.  I tried to tell him to go to the Walmart and get someone to help him but he wasn't interested.  That's where I get my stubborn.  

Speaking of stubborn I had to uninstall carb manager and re do it.  And the guys are back at work.  I just "needed" the trim done on the front of the house but they are doing all of it, which is good.  That is a nice miscommunication.  

Of course if I were home alone I would be taking a nap but I can't have everything. 

Well the work is done, looks good.  Hopefully HOA will be happy.  

But I do have a big problem today.  I'm freaking candy.  This morning Biscuit went out and t here was a small black cat yelling at him.  As I was clearing up outside with the guys I heard howling.  Guys said it was under the car across the street.  I went over there.  A half grown kitten under there.  Yelling it's head off, it's a talker whoever it is.  

I can't afford another cat!  I am hoping it is someone's cat and just wants to come over for pets and lovies now and then.  We could do that.  But I need to be strong even though it is a gorgeous solid black with a fluffy tail.  Gorgeous, adorable, baby.  

NO.    

Very early Monday

 I found a very cute sling backpack yesterday that was on clearance.  I know just looking at it Mom will love it; so I had to, literally had to, take the time after work to buy it, which of course meant I was halfway across the parking lot when the bus went flying by.  But worth it, in my opinion.  

It meant I had to wait with the homeless man at the bus stop for a while.  He behaves, I don't have any issues.  He is not mentally ill although he is a drinker.  Some would say drinking is a mental illness...anyway.  

I got on the second bus 'I don't eat candy" driver.  Someone asked me once how I know God is speaking to me so I will relate a little story.  

I carry a plastic tote bag.  Now I have always carried a tote bag when off by myself.  With Ron I would hang it on the back of his wheelchair and Ron would call it my "trunk".  "You need a trunk" he used to say.  Well for now the tote bag is it and I'm fine with that.  

But I have had 2 occasions where my tote bag was damaged and could not carry my goods, so I always carry a backup from Ikea, a very nice canvas bag with shoulder and hand straps.  I bought it for a few dollars last summer at Ikea with my aunt and I really like it.  It is wonderful for groceries, it seems bottomless and the shoulder straps make it easy to balance.  And, since it is canvas, it folds up very nicely in my other bag.  

So I'm riding the bus.  A woman gets on, struggling with groceries.  She is wearing scrubs, seems very tired, and has several bags on each arm.  Give her the tote bag I heard clear as day, not an audible but I heard it.  So, being obedient, I dug out the tote bag, got a bag of candy with a Scripture booklet (while I was at it and the driver didn't want it anyway), and gave both to her.  She was shocked but once she got a look at the bag very happy.  "I'm going to bring this every time I get groceries" she said with a grin.  And she had a much easier time getting off.  

I was glad I did it.  So that's how I work.  I have another tote bag which I will put in the work bag now.  That was my ride home.  And maybe that is the whole point of me riding the bus, planting these little seeds along the way.  God makes them grow.  

It was dark when I got off my last bus but I had a fine walk home.  Mom is on one side of the country, Dad another, and I am in the middle.  Mom did a speakerphone call - a 3 way call - with us.  That was fun.  She is doing pretty well.  So is grandma, who may need a catheter long term.  

I took my pot roast to work and it was very good.  Here is the recipe: 

Pot roast in Red Wine

2 pound pot roast 

Crock pot liner 

1/2 cup red wine

1/2 cup beef broth

1/2 t black pepper

1/2 t salt 

Handful chopped onions (I use the frozen kind but fresh works too if you have the energy)

One clove garlic 

Put liner in crock pot, put garlic and onion in liner.  Combine salt and pepper with wine and broth, stir.  Place roast in crock pot, pour broth mixture on top.  Cook on low 8 hours (overnight or while at work is great).  Enjoy.  

Very easy.  It was nice to come home to it  the other night.  I hope this makes sense.  I am trying to take care of myself the way I would take care of a husband, really excellent lunches high in nutrition and flavor, hot meals, good foods, etc.  Just because I can't afford takeout (and I'm OK with that, the last couple times I did they were really slow, expensive, and on one occasion they got the order wrong) doesn't mean I can't eat well.  

I am thinking to buy some chicken thighs on Wednesday and use up the last of the red wine on that.  I am probably the only person in Houston who can say I bought a 750 ml bottle of wine for cooking and used every drop for just that.  

I ate most of my salad mix before it went bad.  I have yet to eat it down 100% but I get pretty close before it turns.  

I also bought a jacket yesterday.  You may wonder why.  Well, back in July I bought a jacket from Amazon.  Supposed to be water resistant, puffer style, fleece lining.  I got ivory for color because it is very hard to see people at the bus stop in the dark and I want to be visible.  Even the bus drivers say my home stop is "very dark" and "Won't it be great when they put in the gas station?"  

It was a big hassle washing it and my washer got out of round which is very bad and also pretty scary, I will say.  Then it got dirty very easily.  I didn't like that especially with the washing issues.  Then I wore it one day when it rained, I got soaked and frozen.  So I was pretty done with that.  

A while back at work I saw a nice fleece jacket for $20.  It was cream, had a full zip, hand pockets.  It was light enough I could wear it under my rain jacket, which is huge on me now.  It was the polar fleece style.  Yesterday at work, before work, I pulled the trigger and used my "gift" money to buy it.  It washes easily and is more resistant to stains.  Also, very important, it packs GREAT in my bag.  There is enough room for both it and the rain coat.  I also used the gift money to buy some Mountain Dews for work (diet of course) and a McDonald's breakfast yesterday because I had no energy to fix my own.  

I plan to use the Taco Bell card tomorrow before work and buy Jack and I each a crunchwrap (he loves them, he said) before work.  That will be a really good start to the day.  

Carb Manager is acting up again... getting ANNOYED.  I hope I don't have to uninstall and reinstall like I did last time.  

My workers should be here in a couple of hours.  I cleaned up the house a little to make it more presentable, took my bras and underwear out of sight (not the sort of thing I think about day to day), cleaned the bathroom, etc.  I am wearing black sweatpants and a magenta purple sweatshirt I bought years ago, fits great, love it and never could part with even when I did the big purge a couple years ago.  

That's it for now.