Showing posts from August, 2013

I never told you about Thursday

Thursday was INSANE.  Like "Insane in the brain" crazy. 

I got up early.  I slept badly because some maniac was banging on my neighbor's door at 10:30 at night.  I had to get up at 4?  Thanks! 

Got up, God Time, Shower.  We went to the warehouse.  I got a lot of supplies.  We went to work. 

As I stocked, someone came by and said "Oh, you are stocking".  Apparently someone made a complaint.  Agh. 

As if that wasn't bad enough, we had our quarterly review.  She liked what I had done, but did not like Ron's food machines. 

Finally time to go.  To the doctor.  To pick up Ron's paperwork, which was incomplete.  AGH.  So, it had to go back to the doctor again (we stayed up front). 

I had packed a lunch, so about this time you'd find me munching cheese sticks and salad in a chair, in the waiting room.  We got the papers, then back home to get the wheelchair. 

Ron always wants to "be a wheelchair" when going to the paratransit office.  …

A trip to the meat market

Recently, while riding metrolift, we rode past the meat market.  I have heard very good things about the meat, the low prices, and the excellent quality. 

I'm low carbing.  Why should I buy iffy meats from the supermarket when I can buy delicious fresh meats at the meat market? 

I decided to go.  I checked out the website and everything looked fantastic.  Ron made the trip. 

Now, the way they had set up the trip originally had us there for about 2 hours.  2 hours, in a place with about 3000 square feet of public space. 

He haggled them down.  We also brought the folding chair. 

I got in there and got my bearings.  I looked around in the meat cases.  All the sausage was about $3.80 a pound (that's the price of a "good" TV dinner).  The meat prices seemed competitive.  I saw delicious stew meat and beef neck bones.  I wanted them, but decided to wait until next time. 

I went back to the sausage counter.  I got 2 pounds of smoked breakfast sausage with cheese in i…

This is disgusting by any standard

I don't want to make poor Melanie lose her lunch. 

OK.  Normal day, Baby Girl goes into her litter box.  She runs out like something is chasing her and drops a turd in the doorway. 

Ron is blind.  If Ron gets up he's going to step in that turd and track it everywhere.  Baby Girl looked up at me dejectedly "I'm sorry". 

In a year, she has never done anything like this.  She looked at the turd with sorrow and disgust, then started licking it. 

I realize, in horror, the poor thing is going to EAT it to clean it up!  I pushed her out of the way, got some toilet paper, and flushed it.  She was so thrilled to see it go down the drain. 

I'm going to add, we have four litterboxes, one in each room, for the cats.  I clean them every couple days (they mostly go outside).  When I do clean I find a pee clump or two, and maybe one or two turds per box. 

I often think, of all the cats I've known, Baby Girl is the best candidate for actual toilet training - sittin…


I was going to tell you all about my plans for tomorrow, but I got a big NO on that (from God).  OK.  I try to listen. 

I'll tell you about today, instead.  Woke up tired and depressed.  I was catless all night, they slept with Ron instead. 

I managed to get my shower, but I only got half my God Time.  I talked to Ron a little, ate some plain greek yogurt (I am getting pretty sick of it), and went to work. 

I've wanted to take a box into work.  Today I finally remembered and got it going. 

I felt bad for Ron.  He was stuffed in the backseat of the minivan with one enormous young man, and one average young man.  It's a good thing Ron's pretty thin.  I would have had a horrible time back there. 

You may wonder why I prefer to sit in the front seat.  Well, there were two guys.  One didn't bathe.  He was also very large, and his flesh overlapped onto my bare arms.  He kept moving around, as his arm rubbed against me.  I carried a stench of unwashed body until I go…


I don't have what you might consider the traditional phobias. 

I am afraid of large and aggressive dogs.  If I see someone walking a dog that seems iffy, I'll cross the street.  I also check to make sure the fence is sturdy when I pass a certain house on my way to the bus stop. 

Ron was hit by a car while crossing the street.  He had the right of way, the driver ran a red light.  Not surprisingly, since the accident I have had a fear of crossing the street, particularly very busy streets (we have an abundance in Houston).  I can get pretty anxious, particularly if I had too much caffeine.  Certain streets (like Veteran's, or 249) are completely impossible for me.   

Heights.  I can't even go in the attic.  I would love to be the chick cleaning out the gutters and trimming trees, but I can barely get on the stepladder.  I fell down the stairs when I was a toddler, at least once that I remember (and was just left to cry on my own - people wonder why my mother lost cus…

"Me and your husband gonna party"

Say what? 

She seemed normal enough as I got on the paratransit vehicle.  We chatted a little about my cat and the cat door.  She'd never seen one. 

Then she mentioned the house for rent (the majority of our subdivision homes are owner-resident, though).  I told her I didn't know the rent, but "We're pretty quiet here, so if you like to party you might want to look for something else." 

She very rudely accused me of being a racist.  I told her I had also told a driver we were quiet, and he thanked me, because he did like to party and didn't want a lot of conflict.   She shut up about the racist thing when she saw Ron "OH, I remember you, we rode a while back" . 

Ron, by the way, is a light skinned black man.  Clearly a black man.  I imagine a bigot would have a difficult time married to an "inferior" race for 21 years.  [rolleyes] 

Anyway, the conversation got wierder.  She started talking about all the wild parties her family had, pa…

Sometimes I forget

Ron's primary love language is acts of service: paying the bills, taking me places.  I told him I'd like to go to an Asian Grocery store.  The place is huge. 

However, a couple of issues about getting there:  1.  It requires two bus rides.  2.  I'd have to cross a very busy street (more on that in my next entry - needless to say I get anxious).  3.  It is very close to the "ghetto" apartments where the gangbanger pulled a gun on me, pointing it in my face while the paratransit driver asked for directions.  Gun Play blog   After pointing it at me for the longest 45 seconds of my life (and it was a REAL gun - the toy guns have an orange circle around the muzzle - this one did NOT), he began gesturing with the gun, pointing the way to the requested building.  The place has a lot of gangbangers and drug dealing, per the online apartment reviews - so it's not just my perception. 

I feel safer in Acres Homes, considered one of the worst in Houston, than I do at t…

Keep my food to myself

I'm pretty depressed and tired today, so not a lot of sparkle today.  Sorry. 

Slept badly, no cat in the bed. 

Woke up depressed.  My hair looked OK so I skipped my shower after some work with the washcloth.  I got these moist bathing wipes for Ron, but I find them useful on depressed days. 

Went to work.  Things look good.  Delivery guy was late but I expected that, due to the rain.  Came home, nap. 

Talked to Ron, did some research - a friend needs to fix his cat.  I did the research and Ron called them with the information. 

Watched a little TV, cooked my dinner, and cooked some breakfast for tomorrow with the last of the raw chicken.  It's so wierd to keep my food to myself - no cats stealing bites or begging.  Wierd. 

I still miss Bubba. 

Ron said he'd take me somewhere, so I got the address and gave it to him, for tomorrow.  It should be a good thing to get out of the house. 

I took my Haldol & Friends later today, Ron said he liked having me more alert s…

6 AM thoughts on a Sunday

I got almost 200 hits yesterday.  Awesome. 

I figured, being offline my hit counter would be way down - it isn't.  I also figured with a lot of hits I'd have a lot of spam, and I did, but a couple of clicks take care of that. 

If you ever consider starting a blog, please put it on "comment moderation".  That way, you can approve all posts before they post under your name and possibly your photo. 

Since I am "religous" I tend to get a lot of alternate viewpoints.  Surprisingly, the JW's are more aggressive in posting than the unreached.  Yes, I know some of you hate that but isn't it better than "lost"?  

This was mostly ad stuff.  I guess if I get a lot of hits then I might be a good marketplace. 

I have thought about allowing ads, but sales are a little better at work so that's back on the shelf.  That would be a "last resort".  I have seen to many blogs infested with popups and very difficult to read.  They remind me o…


When I saw Doc Thursday, he had the medical student (a resident or intern, I believe) file my prescriptions electronically. 

Yesterday I got a call, it was ready.  All $107 worth.  What? 

My stuff should cost about $50.  I knew I had a problem.  I called the pharmacy and the technician started laughing.  "You have blood pressure pills, diabetes medication, and sleeping pills."

I have a dead terror of anything addictive, and I'm adamant about not putting any of that into my body.  It's just begging for trouble. 

Fact: 80% of people with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome have an addiction. 
Fact: 75% of children of alcoholics have an addiction. 
Fact:  I have addicts in my family. 
Fact: I have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and I am the child of an alcoholic. 
Fact: the one time I did take a narcotic pain killer, I started liking it way too much, for the 2 weeks I took it (prior to my ovarian cyst surgery). 

No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no NEVER would I accept t…

A week in the life...

I have to laugh at myself.  Finding myself offline, I decided to blog everyday, then do a cut and paste when I got back online. 

My internet's down, but that won't stop me writing.
Ron's a fixer. When I present a problem, he likes to fix it. So, he's "fixed" mine by arranging for a new modem installation Monday - 6 days away.

Blogging/journaling is good for me. It helps clear my head; so I plan to keep it up. I plan to do daily entries into this document, then cut and paste to "Heather Knits" when I'm back online again.

We've been really busy with work the last couple days. It seems like we're buying more merchandise and stocking it daily. That's great - that means more money. Things have been very tight lately. When I offered to take a paycut last month, Ron seriously considered it for a split second before refusing.
Last year, I did take a paycut. I'm not playing martyr, it's just more practical to …

Don't make me cry

Thank God, I'm back online. 

First thought - if you want to share your version of the "True Gospel", then I invite you to start your own blog.  You will not be using mine as a forum, thank you very much. 

That said, oh, I missed you. 

I don't like to bash.  I really don't.  However, I will relate a little history.  Years ago, Ron got me AT&T DSL.  It worked fine for years, and I loved it.  However, that modem died, and they sent us a new one.  The second modem only lasted a year, until about this time last year. 

About this time, I talked Ron into turning off the land-line.  We seldom use it anyway. 

When I got my new modem, every time (all 3 modems) they either had no installation disk or the wrong one.  I always had to call tech support, and last time, the tech was so nasty she drove me to tears.  It takes a lot to make me cry, but she was very rude and impatient with me.  Note this. 

So, when this modem died I nearly cried again at the thought of all…
Modem is down

Easy Mark

Every couple years I take something over the counter; every couple years I hallucinate.  While doing my God Time today (pray/Bible Study/seek God's will) I kept thinking about the new supplement I started on Friday; thinking I needed to research the side effects. 

Yup.  Half a percent hallucinate.  [facepalm]   I won't be taking that again. 

It's not the supplement's fault, so I won't name it.  I would love to get Ron taking it (it is fine for "normal" people), so I plan to keep it for him. 

Last night, I got to thinking.  The paranormal is so popular these days, and I'm sure some would say "Oh, Heather, you have a *power* you are neglecting.  That's why you see things." 

Ah.  No.  I believe mediums, etc. are connected to a familiar, demonic, spirit.  The demon feeds them the data they use to impress their clients. 

That is all totally forbidden in the Bible, by the way.…

My hallucinations

Still depressed and mixed moods.  Ron is trying to bait me by playing loud rap music, which he hates.  I can last a lot longer than him. 

Yup, he turned it off. 

So, I thought I might talk about my hallucinations, since I had one today.  I saw "The man who wasn't there" today, at work. 

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish he’d go away...

When I came home last night at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door... (slam!)

Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away

I came out of our stockroom and saw a man, standing to one side, wearing a button down shirt and jeans.  He had gray hair, and was working an electronic device.  He didn't look &q…

A man's world?

Boy, Ron is upset. 

It started with the Katydid.  Baby Girl likes to bring one in, now and then, in the morning.  The girls chase it around until it dies.  They're just being cats.  Those bugs are so awful looking with all the legs and all - I let them die. 

So, I'm a murderer.  I'm sure the Buddhists are very upset. 

At any rate, I warned Ron, "Don't go down the hall until I check it.  I don't want you to step on the screaming bug." 

"Thanks" he told me "If I did step on the bug, I wouldn't speak to you for a month." 

"Wait a minute," I said "If that's the case, go ahead and walk down the hall."  I get really tired of his negativity and "Reality isn't real" tirades.  It's offensive and annoying to be talked down to because I choose to live in my existence.  I would love a break. 

He got very upset and said, fine, he wouldn't talk to me outside of work.  I just shrugged my shoulde…

If I can get online...might make you hungry

I'm feeling a little foggy today due to a nasty headache.  I guess I figure, if I can get online, it's not a migraine. 

I finally got my appetite back.  When I'm sick, my appetite is always the first to flee the scene, and the last to return.  My adoptive Mom could tell you all kinds of stories of me, sick in bed for days on end, refusing all food, and just when she thought I had to go to the hospital, I'd make a sudden recovery and eat everything. 

Interestingly enough, when I am really sick (I had 2 bad sinus infections in a 3 month period), my mood stabilizes.  I don't go up or down until I'm better - a nice little gift from God. 

When I was a kid, I had some favorite foods.  I adored macaroni and cheese, and could have eaten it every night.  I liked Spam (not so much, these days), peanut butter and honey sandwiches (still do, especially on the bread with the nuts and seeds in it), grilled cheese, ham, tomato soup, and fried bologna sandwiches. 

What do …

Reasonable Accomodations

Heather, you may ask, what are you talking about?  Well, I could give you the legal definition but I'll give some examples. 

I have a TV show; and I offer closed captioning.  I build a one story home with no steps and wide doorways.  I manage a pharmacy, and educate my employees that the wierd lady with the brain fog is on some very potent antipsychotics.  My restaurant offers braille menus (and I love you so for that!); and, as I build the sidewalk, I put curb cuts so someone in a wheelchair can cross the street. 

In my case, reasonable accomodations run a little unusual.  For instance, my lithium causes a mild hand tremor.  I can't eat "normally" when I'm having a bad day; I have to hold the utensil in a clenched fist as opposed to delicately balanced between my index and middle finger.  If "table manners" and "eating properly" matter greatly, we'd better not have lunch.  Especially if Ron's coming. 

Due to my learning disability,…

Tax Free Weekend

I didn't get enough sleep last night.  I woke up pretty depressed. 

Ron and I went to Walmart, Tax Free Weekend.  I wanted t-shirts, and socks.  I have plenty of everything else. 

I just couldn't find what I wanted, some cute black or colored pocket-t's.  I guess the store sold out yesterday.  They did have a good deal on the white t-shirts, which I put aside for further consideration. 

I found the socks I wanted, and got 2 packets, enough to last me a couple weeks, not counting what I already have.  I guess maybe the shopping, morning pills, or quality time with Ron (we had the special cart where he can sit) got me a little manic.  I decided to make my own, tie-dyed t-shirts.  They didn't have white pocket white, but that's OK.  I got the shirts, they had plenty, and then went looking for fabric dyes. 

"My" Walmart has a modest little craft section.  I was able to find an assortment.  I got the blues.  I liked all 3 of the colors.  Like I told Ron, t…

I talk about my weight.

The only functional crackhead

"I was the only functional crackhead in Houston" he told me.  He is self employed, in a service profession (I met him years ago).  "I used to work a 12 hour day, stop by the dealer, get my supply, go home, and smoke it for hours.  I'd get a couple hours of sleep and then go out and work again." 

He continued, other than a home and a job, his life was empty.  His wife was long gone.  He knew he needed help and begged God to take the addiction. 

"Jack" (not real name) "Stop buying it".  Jack didn't like that and continued in his usual pattern, still begging God for help.  "Jack, STOP BUYING IT." 

Jack thought about it.  Yeah, withdrawal would suck, but the God of the universe could help him through that.  So, he went straight home.  He was up all night, waiting for the cravings... and went to sleep. 

He woke up the next day, refreshed and more energized than he had been in years.  He never had any more desire for crack. 


Pop ups

Most of the time, I can tell if something's going to be a problem. 

For instance, when I got mugged at the bus stop I had a pretty good idea bus stops might be a little raw in the future.  It was the same when the house was robbed, "coming home" didn't quite mean the same thing. 

But who would have guessed I'd have trouble with the song "Hiding Place"?  I sang it in the car on the way to the hospital.  Everytime I hear it I start sobbing.

I was "into" aromatherapy about the time of Ron's accident.  I made a lavender/aloe burn gel for our employees (put a couple drops lavender essential oil into about 8-12 ounces gel).  They loved it and asked for personal use bottles.  I was happy to make it. 

I also provided "the girls" with a bottle of lemon essential oil - they loved it.  They found it invigorating and calming, taking "sniff breaks" in the hall instead of smoking. 

I liked my rosemary…

Torbie's forfeit.

Sing along with me:  I'm waiting on my num-bers.  Waiting on my num-bers... so I can file the online accounting report! 

My modem has been very irritable.  It seems to be working now so I don't dare log off until the report is done. 

I slept great last night, Torbie is figuring out how to sleep with me.  She doesn't get squashed and I have room to adjust.  Baby Girl slept on my pelvis during my nap. 

Did I mention I have to urinate a lot?  Have you seen that commercial, more than 8 times a day, get help?  Well, for me it's like once an hour when I'm awake.  It's the meds. 

So, an 8 pound semi-kitten lying on my bladder got pretty uncomfortable.  Not to mention I couldn't adjust my position and I started cramping.  But I asked her to move and she did, then laid down near me when I got back. 

Cats are smart, a lot smarter than we credit. 

So, I got up, did my God Time and shower, etc.  We went to Walmart.  I made a very small deposit and got some more f…

Where is my mania?

What the hell happened to my mania? 

I feel depressed, raw, hopeless, and enervated.  To top it off, I had one of my PTSD nightmares, this one featuring Ron's family; they are very similar to my other dreams, only the cast changes. 

After that, you'd think my day was dreadful.  It wasn't.  I got up, went to the warehouse, got my snack inventory and stocked it.  Two of our soda machines had burned out lightbulbs.  We got that fixed.  All the machines look great and my customers seem very interested in my new whole wheat cracker lineup. 

We came home, and had a good ride home with a Muslim guy from Pakistan.  He was a really nice guy, and told me that he tends to gain weight during Ramadan.  They can't eat or drink during the day, but when they do, they do!  I thought that was interesting. 

When he first got to America, he used to watch Jerry Springer.  He was pretty horrified.  I can only imagine.  In his country an unfaithful wife is stoned, it's a shameful sec…

Food safety hell

I'm more mixed/depressed today.  The purchases I considered with such glee, yesterday, are all dull and tarnished (no I didn't buy them, but even the thought is depressing). 

We got up early, I didn't do my God time, we went to work.  Ron had been worried about Baby Girl, said she was a little sluggish yesterday, but she was bugging him for treats last night and acting like her usual sweet self. 

I had another good sleep with Torbie, although she likes to sleep in the middle of the bed, making it hard to roll over.  She's got a petite frame with a lot of muscle and fat.   She makes a big lump. 

We got to work, things are selling pretty well, except for the soda machine with the burned out bulb.  Since we got the machine from Dr Pepper, they have the bulbs.  They'll send out their guy to replace it (and probably audit our product selection to ensure we are selling primarily Dr Pepper products as per our contract).  I made a mental inventory list. 

For instance, …

Don't play with demons

First, a little light humor: 

Apparently this is an "offensive" image on Facebook.  Huh.  Let's hope Blogger is more reasonable. 

That's actually one of my primary jobs at work, taking care of the snack machines. 

So, I have been thinking about this for a while and decided to do it: 
There are no evil ghosts.  No haunted houses. 

"But Heather" you may reply "I've seen those shows on TV."  You think they can't be faked?  Just because they say they're out for the truth doesn't make them truthful.  I can say I am a lesbian.  People who know me will laugh hysterically, but when it's bedtime I'll be grabbing my husband. 

"What," you may ask "is behind all those stories I hear?"  People screwing with the occult.  The Bible is really clear on that, by the way. 

Leviticus 19:31
Give no regard to mediums and familiar spirits; do not seek after them, to be defiled by them: I am the Lord your God.


Taking my body back.

My internet is acting up right now so I thought I'd type this out in my text editor.  When I get it working again, I can copy and paste. 

Ron and I have had a pretty good time the last week or so.  He's been a huge help with me, helping me run my errands and get the things I need for my new diet.  We even had a couple of little "dates" at very affordable, low-carbable places. 

Today, though, I saw a scar that reminded me of something that happened when I was 12.  Suffice to say I was attacked.  I defended myself to the best of my ability, but attacked again, leaving me with a very nasty bite wound. 

It's on my upper chest, and when I look at myself in the mirror, naked, in the morning I always see it.   It's a couple inches below my collarbone, on my chest, a few inches above my (traditional) bra line.

It's a horrible reminder of a lot of things.  How I was punished for defending myself, denied medical care, and called a "faker" by someone w…

I mention vienna sausage 4 times

I declined a lizard head, and ran away from a brownie display. 

Yesterday was pretty busy, we ran to two grocery stores, one for meat, one for vegetables (the meat store does not use chemicals in the meat and they will custom pack, for very low prices; the vegetable store has really good quality vegetables but the meat in the carbon dioxide packaging). 

We also took Ron to the doctor.  I told the doctor I believe his legs are slow to heal due to a low protien intake.  "Ron thinks a bag of peanuts is a good dinner".  Doc lectured him on proper nutrition, and I got Ron to agree to drink some protein shakes (his protein intake is abysmal, which of course leads to poor wound healing). 

I didn't even get a nap and went to bed exhausted.  I slept pretty well. 

Torbie has been getting into my bed in the middle of the night and sleeping with me.  I always like that.  She stretches out for hours, then gets up and leaves a few hours before I get up. 

I'm manic.  I feel pr…