Showing posts from March, 2015

If it's my thyroid

Still depressed. 

Got up, I just didn't want to take a shower.  I compromised, I didn't wash my hair, but got everything else. 

Ron and others have a hard time believing long hair is easier for a depressive, but it is for me.  I can, during mild/cold weather, "get away" with skipping a shampoo now and then.  It looked frizzy, not great, but it was "fine". 

I did do my God Time, Torbie at my side. 

I ate and took my pills.  I had been able to sleep a little later.  Ron and I work one, later afternoon, shift every week so we can interact with all shifts.  I think that's really important. 

The customers seem to appreciate it.  Overall, I really like the new staff. 

We went to Walmart.  I only carried my reusable tote bags.  And, of course, the driver wanted a Bible.  I took care of it but I can't say how. 

We went to the store and shopped.  I didn't get much, cheese dogs, diet soda, drink mix, cat treats. 

I also got some catnip spray for a coworke…


Every now and then I come up against a subject so raw, I avoid blogging it. 

Say, infidelity. 

Manias are another one. 

Let me take you back in time, myself, as a small toddler (I was extremely underweight due to the neglect).  I lived in my crib, my crib was my prison.  Once my Dad and sister left the house, I was placed into the crib and left there for 12 hours until they returned.  During that time, I was not released. 

I was not fed, changed, rocked, or nurtured in any way.  It was a miserable existence, full of crying, my snotty face and eyes red and sore as I cried, hungry, in my sagging diaper. 

I really only lived when my Dad came home, one reason I am such a Daddy's girl.  Dad'd release me, feed me, get me cleaned up, fed, bath, playtime.  Life was wonderful with Dad. 

I hated my solo existence when he left, but there was something worse.  My mother drank to "manage" her bipolar symptoms.  When she was depressed she just lived in bed, neglecting me to the po…


Sorry gang, I deleted the spam of the "nice man looking for love". 


Speaking of love.  I have a couple of love languages.  Ron is "acts of service".  I like to have quality time, #1.  I like to give gifts (I don't care if I get them, though), and I love to hear words of appreciation. 

As you know, the last has been kind of an ongoing issue with Ron.  When he seems receptive, I tell him "I like to hear that you appreciate me" - said in a nice voice. 

He has gotten a lot better about that, lately. 

Today I dropped everything on snacks (HATED to do that, but Ron really needed the help), to help him restock the fridge.  We chill all our bottled drinks before sale. 

I helped him fling a half-dozen cases in there, and we finished.  "You're such a huge help" Ron gushed.  "I don't know what I'd do without you... you must get sick of hearing that." 

"Ron" I told him "I can never hear that enough!" 

We …

Prefers them

They didn't finish the party until after 11.  I waited until I saw the cars leave, before I went to bed. 

I slept OK and got up at 6.  I was exhausted.  I took a shower and then found the ball in my backyard, tossed it back.  I found it funny that neither dog (back fence or next door) even noticed. 

Irritation nipped at me all day, like a pesky chihuahua.  I kept turning it over to God and it kept coming back. 

It's a nice weekend, I don't want to be upset. 

I know, however, 90% of this is "just" depression.  It's ruminating - link.  Let me tell you, it's exhausting. 

Ron got pretty upset last night and told me to shut up already "You are hurting me more than those kids!"  I put a cork in it, blogged, ranted on Facebook (at least a couple people agreed with me), etc. 

At the end of it, I just don't get why this guy and his family see our property as theirs.  The property line just doesn't exist in their heads. 

Perhaps he was involved in…


Why do I get upset at the sound of kids playing next door?

Good question.  It didn't used to bother me.

1.  The kids next door #6 have had a tendency to come out of their yard, opening their gate, walking around my house, opening my gate, and run reckless in my yard.  I suppose that's one reason I tense up expecting trouble.  This, I should add, is AFTER revocation of permission to enter my yard under any circumstances (well, I wouldn't mind if the mother came in my front yard after her toddler).

2.  The kids on the other side had a tendency to destroy my property when playing.  One time I caught them ripping boards off my fence.  They didn't have "permission" to enter my yard, so they got the bright idea to make a hole.   Apparently sneaking in through a hole after destroying the fence gets a child in "less" trouble than walking around.  Again, they did not have permission to enter the yard.  I talked to his mother. 

3.  Same house, different tena…

Takeout and TV dinners

notes for later blogging:
Things on top of Bibles

I once had a woman "yell" at me online, because I stacked my cases of Bibles.  I don't think she realized just how many I distribute.  "You can't put anything on top of a Bible!" she shouted.

"What if it's another Bible?" I retorted.

She got very irate.

Now, I have, as you might expect, Bibles everywhere.  I have Bibles by the case stacked by the front door.  I have loose Bibles spread all over my house.

"Like a gun nut" I told Ron "I've always got one in arm's reach".  

Ron teased me relentlessly one day when he asked me to look up a verse and I didn't have a Bible!  Embarrassing! 

I don't have a problem putting another book on top of a Bible. 

I have a damaged Bible, it has some dirt on the edge of the pages.  I put my bag on it after a handout, and the bag had some mud on it.  I was pretty horrified, but kept it. 

Happily I bought it, and not a sponso…

Pit bull welfare check

"So" I asked Ron "The Sheriff's Department is coming out; to do a welfare check on a pit bull?"  Ron agreed. 

It was just that kind of day. 

Ron plays with Biscuit, who's on the walker.  Torbie looks on in the second photo. 

The start of my day: Ron, cats, shower.  God Time later, although I've decided I need to focus more on first thing in the morning. 

We went to Walmart.  I got some things, but not too much.  I found an insane coupon that got me 6 packs of Diet Mountain Dew for $2 each.  Normally they are $3.33.  Walmart was running a $2.50 special, plus my $1 off two six pack coupon. 

Space limitations be damned, I got them.  I barely had room for my energy/breakfast bars.  Small fan, drink mix (I am constantly thirsty), tampons, etc.  I got Ron some Queso chips. 

We went to work.  We had a pretty long ride. 

I got to work, stocked, helped Ron, and had time for it all. 

I have had a few problems at work.  One person got very upset over the de…


This intern was miles better than the last.  She beamed at me proudly.  "I can see you've got The Tremor!" she said excitedly. 

Yup.  Lithium causes a mild tremor, for me at least, in "proper" doses.  If my lithium's right I have the shakes.  9 years ago, just past diagnosis, I told God I was OK with it but I would like to "have fun" with crafts, etc.  I am still able to engage in fun activities, it just takes me a little longer.  Rarely my hands "get dumb" and don't function as well as I'd like - all totally normal and expected.  It certainly doesn't get in the way of work, typing, or the Bible Handouts. 

She continued, any symptoms?  Just the usual mixed episode, rapid cycling, psychotic feature stuff, and not that bad at that. 

Side effects?  The usual, nausea, vomiting, tremor, fatigue, dry mouth, unending thirst and urination.  The migraines, I added, were pretty bad. 

How bad? 

Out of the last three weeks I had at leas…

Brisket Fries Handout

As I ran towards my second car, two Spanish Bibles in my hand, I managed to trip over the Spanish Bibles box and fall in a spectacular, twisty, manner. The poor recipients flinched in the car, looking aghast.

*Somehow* I managed to right myself (Thank You, Jesus!), regain my footing, and sprint the rest of the way towards their car. No Bibles were harmed.

It was an interesting handout.

We had a really excellent ride. When we arrived I got the driver to take a photo. Ron held both cases stacked on top of the wheelchair arms until we got to our destination.

At first I wanted to work Centre Blvd. It was right there, and there was a surveyor on the "good" looking median, a block down Bissonnet. However, I realized it had minimal traffic. Other than the Spanish guys, a couple of "white folk", and an African fellow with a lovely accent, it was dead.

My first English recipient was absolutely shocked when I refused her money. I got that attitu…

It's not about me

Nothing like crawling around half dressed, behind a computer, trying to figure out why it can't find the network. 

Now, I'm simple, but the guy who set this up likes things to have "an order".  Computer to network to internet.  The kittens love to romp around the computer, so I thought maybe they knocked out the cable.  It's working now.  Either the prayer or the cord check did the trick. 

I also unplugged the network box for a while and said it only got to eat (electricity) if it behaved.  :p 

So, Truck Day.  52 cases, 30 of which were soda.  I needed a LOT of snacks.  I loaded, loaded the truck, loaded the carts, pushed it all in, and stocked. 

I was a little harassed at work, Ron kept asking for help.  I had to move 52 cases into vending machines and our stockroom.  We also got the sandwich delivery. 
I didn't see Torbie (that I know of) last night, but some kitten got in my bed for petting in the middle of the night.  It was dark.  It was Biscuit or Gravy…

Day of the flying sandwich

"I'm sorry" the sandwich guy told us over the phone "Your sandwiches flew out on the freeway." 


"The door didn't latch, the rack slid back against it as I accelerated, and I lost them all."  I began laughing hysterically, thinking of Pink Floyd's "Learning to Fly" as the sound track to flying racks of sandwiches erupting from the truck.

I had a very good laugh, until he told me he still had to pay for them.  That sucks. 

Good news: the other vendor's tray was on another stack that did not escape.  They got their delivery.  We did not. 

"Oh, well" I told Ron "At least they'll be fresh".  The customers can shop with the other guy tonight. 

I slept horribly last night.  The neighbors went out, and didn't come back until well after my bedtime.  The dog became anxious and barked a lot. 

Once that settled the guy with the loud polka music drove around the neighborhood for hours.  "Next time" …

God is in the details

We didn't go to church, it was supposed to rain. 

I will have to get a little racial here.  Many of our drivers are Black women with processed hair.  Processed hair does not like rain - apparently horrific things happen to one's hairstyle. 

Now, some drivers have braids, or more "butch" hairstyles, but most of them have expensive hair.  One of my favorite drivers told Ron she was wearing a "Big ol' purple wig" and laughed at the rain. 

When we got home, Ron asked if she was really wearing a purple wig.  "Yes" I told him "We got home OK, didn't we?" 

So, no trips in the rain for Mr Ron (as they call him).  He doesn't want to ruin their hair, which I find endearing. 

We went to work a little later in the day.  I got to sleep in, with Torbie (the fat tortie tabby in my photos).  That was completely awesome for me. 

I love that cat.  She knows I have a hard time with bad dreams (I had a post-traumatic whopper nightmare not long …


I woke up this morning to find a huge pile of mail, in a plastic bag, sitting on the toilet. 

1.  I like my toilet open. 
2.  I did not have my glasses. 

That meant, of course, Ron had gotten his walker and staggered to the mailbox on his own.  "On my way back" he told me "I found Gravy sitting on the seat of my walker."  Not sure how long Gravy and friends "helped" Ron check the mail. 

I went through it all, junk, junk, water bill ($13), and scripture booklets from World Missionary Press.  Look in my links over there --->

We had a pretty quiet day.  1.  Pretty depressed.  I couldn't take my antidepressant for most of the week - I would have just vomited.  2.  Headache, but not horrific and manageable with OTC headache pills.  I buy those rascals in the 2-pack. 

I got my shower and my God time. 

A word about my viewpoint: I believe unreached people go to hell.  I also believe they lack the comfort only God can give.  "Blessed Assurance" a…

Don't waste your life

I finally got a good night's sleep, faithful Torbie at my side.  She may not be a super cuddly lap cat, but she's in the bed nearly every night.

Today, she slept on me during my nap.  As in, on my torso.  We had a good time.

Gravy is in front of my monitor, happily grooming himself as he obstructs my view.

We got up around 6:30.  I felt OK so we went to Walmart.  I did my God Time first.

Ron wanted to wait, so he did while I got him Icebreakers Watermelon Frost, Bath Wipes, various vitamins  - and Gravy's gone.

I got his stuff and mine.  After I cut my leg this week some of my friends gave me a hard time about my "inadequate" first aid kit.  "You should have had some wound seal".

I got 2 things; a coagulant spray (I found it in the camping area), and some Curad coagulant pads - they dissolve in the blood and make a coagulant gel.  I also bought some rubbing alcohol, which I thought I had until I cut my leg, and some "fresh" antibiotic cream (I…


I didn't know we're due to have a Supermoon. 

If I had, the migraine would have made a lot more sense, especially with one low-pressure weatherfront after another swooping through (either can "get" me, but both, apparently, are catastrophic). 

I just knew I hurt.  Last night I hunched over my bucket, tears literally streaming down my face from the pain - thanking God, yet again, that I never had children.  Bad enough to suffer.  Worse to watch a loved one. 

I slept poorly, had nightmares, and woke up with a continued migraine.  I wanted to die.  I wanted to cut off my head.  I just wanted to make it stop, already!

I like to think of myself as "pretty tough".  I can handle a 12 hour migraine, or even a 36 hour one.  But three days? 

I ate over the counter pain pills like candy.  Asprins.  Fake Alka-seltzer.  Fake Excedrins.  (I am cheap and use generics whenever possible).  Every 4 hours.  Praise God I did not eat a hole in my stomach. 

Three days.  It was a…

"Migraine in his feet"

The dog next door was a little barkish last night.  I decided to "try" my earplugs again.  As you may remember, last time I inserted them too far and had a terrible time getting the left one out. 

I decided to insert them halfway and see how that went.  Worst case, I still had my tweezers, but a barking dog along my bedroom wall as I battle a migraine - not my idea of a good time. 

They worked pretty well.  I even fell asleep and dreamed.  I woke up, got a drink of water, went to the bathroom (a couple times a night on this medication), and took them out.  I slept pretty well the rest of the night, except for the migraine. 

Ron woke me up a couple hours before our pickup: the rain was inbound, did I still want to go?  I said I'd like to, but then I got a look at the Doppler weather map.  Hm.  No thanks. 

Personally I don't care if I'm out in the rain, but it upsets Ron and the drivers.  Plus, I still had that awful headache. 

Ron was asking me why I don't hav…

Truck Day

Oh, I woke up with a horrible migraine. 

Unfortunately, it was truck day.  What is truck day?  Well, today it involved buying 38 cases of bottled drinks, and sundry snack items (mainly pastry and candy bars), placing them on the cart, putting them into the truck, removing them from the truck and placing onto handcarts, pushing the handcarts into the building, putting about 10 cases into the fridge, several more into the stockroom, stocking, and pushing the handcarts into the stockroom. 

You get the idea.  Ron was incredibly appreciative which I love. 

I can't say how, but I was able to obtain a Starbucks Double Shot Espresso - the cold canned item, before we got to the warehouse.  I drank it.  I got a little manic, but that came in handy.  It did take the edge of the headache long "enough". 

If I need to be manic any day, it's Truck Day. 

I did my work, helped Ron, and got most of the inventory put up.  I store some of the drinks on the handcarts due to lack of sp…

Twice over

I had to get up at 2 AM today, and we had a long day at work.  The dog next door barked all Saturday night, and all last night as well. 

I had to keep asking God to help me have good thoughts; because I didn't.  I'm debating the use of those earplugs again.  God knows I don't want to get them stuck.  I'm even debating moving my bed out of the bedroom altogether and shutting the door.  The dog tends to hover on that wall. 

Ron also spent most of the night in agony from nerve pain, groaning.  No, he doesn't want to see a medical professional.  "They can't do anything for me" he says, and outside of narcotics (we both agree hell to the no on that!), he's right. 

I found it most frustrating when the dog shut up after I got up.  It was so quiet you could hear the bugs rustling, all the way until our pickup.  I bitterly wished the neighbors could have been as sleep deprived as I felt.  Yap from 2 AM until he goes to work, don't give them a break no…
I know my unreached readers don't believe in the devil, or spiritual warfare.  However I sure did last night.  For whatever reason, the dog next door was going crazy, barking madly.  Her owners weren't even home to be disturbed.  It was a good 4 hours of barking, when I needed to sleep.  Very tiring. 

I lay in bed, Biscuit sleeping by my leg, praying and asking God to put good thoughts in my head.  I did not have good thoughts, toward the dog or the neighbors.  I just don't understand people who buy a "yard dog" and ignore it except at feeding time.  I had other thoughts. 

I finally just said "God, you're going to have to clean out my head and fill it with good thoughts, or at least empathy, for the dog."  Normally it is very quiet.

I lay there comparing Biscuit to the dog.  The dog was out by herself, at night, never (apparently) allowed in the house because (I assume) they are too lazy to potty-train her, no real human interaction.  Biscuit has a …