Showing posts from January, 2016


Last night, #6 had some kind of gathering.  The gathering involved kids kicking their soccer ball into the fence, and occasionally the side of our house, for hours, lots of loud yelling and screaming, etc.  They had about 3-4 additional carloads of kids in addition to their own 6.  You can imagine the racket. 

I didn't tell Ron, but apparently one of the cats wandered over, trying to make friends.  One of the kids started screaming, a girl, and the boys chased it off.  If I told Ron he'd be apoplectic, but hopefully the cat (I assume one of the boys) learned his lesson. 

I had hoped to go to bed around 8.  The party went on until well after midnight.  Ron called the police. 

I just don't get it.  No one, and I mean no one, else in the subdivision acts that way.  No one.  I wonder why he thinks it is OK.  I would accept it if he did all this in the afternoon, but at night, when people are trying to sleep?  Midnight? 

He would probably say it was a weekend, but when I ge…


Ron and I took a CPR class today.  I don't know why I'm so profoundly depressed. 

I didn't sleep well last night, got up at 5 AM, and got picked up at 7 to attend the training.  Ron came with me and left his mobility devices at home.  He just hung onto my arm, it was rough but he did it. 

The instructor arrived on time and had us watch some videos, then practice on the dummies.  He had everyone go first, and then Ron.  He had Ron and I practice the 2-rescuer technique.  We learned about the Heimlich maneuver, CPR on babies and small children (I don't see us using that any time soon), etc.  I had a hard time kneeling on the floor in my sandals.  If you have a CPR class, wear tennis shoes or something flexible. 

The class ran late which meant our ride left us.  After we paid and got our cards, Ron called a cab and we went home.  I had a short nap before #6's kids came out to play.  They are really loud when they get going. 

If Ron and I ever needed an apartment, …

First Stop

Well, I bought another neck wallet.  No, it doesn't bother me, although I wasn't washing the lanyard and may have gotten an abscess due to that.  I got the infection right about the time I got my bladder infection, so it was easily solved with the antibiotic. 

Headaches have been, dare I say, better, but that could be because I was too sick for both the illness and a headache.  God is merciful that way. 

I think the worst headache I had lately was when I walked into the cinderblock wall at Walmart.  Oh, that hurt, but it hurt outside my skull, which was an interesting change of pace.  I was pretty tender for days. 

Today I got up at 2 AM for a soda delivery.  I didn't sleep very well, I think I was too warm on my heated mattress pad, but sometimes I get a chill when I'm sleeping so it's hard to guess. 

Anyway, I got up after a fitful sleep and took my shower.  I did my God Time later.  We went to work. 

I felt bad the driver made some noise out front when he p…

God using me

Last night I had a series of worst case scenario nightmares, all featuring Bad Things happening to Ron.  It was exhausting.  I feel like I need another 8 hours. 

"Why is it" I said on Facebook "I will tell anyone about the hallucinations and mood swings, but hide the anxiety like a porn addiction?"  Good question. 

Maybe it's just living with Ron.  He has some kind of depressive disorder.  No one is that negative all the time, that depressed, without a brain chemistry issue at play.  I dearly wish I could get him diagnosed and medicated, not so he would "shut up" but because I don't like to see anyone suffer, much less my husband. 

The cats are good, Biscuit greeted me when I woke up this morning, smelling my nose and meowing cutely.  When I got up I gave him his can of food.  My vet will be so happy, she wants them on canned food. 

Of course, if you've ever read the label on a can of cat food, you'd doubt the wisdom of that!  "Yo…

Slept like a baby

"I slept like a baby" I told Ron "'Up every two hours".  Ugh.  I blame the caffeine laden headache pills. 

I dragged my butt out of bed half an hour before our pickup and did the bare essentials.  We went to work.  I did what I'd come to do. 

However, it was easier.  This time, they delivered our sandwiches in a box, instead of on a rack.  The rack is very bulky and inconvenient, and hit Ron in the head last week (it fell).  This time, I could stock and simply throw the box away.  So.  Much.  Better. 

I do think we need to cut the order back.  We have an awful lot of sandwiches. 

I drank a fair amount of caffeine but it didn't seem to affect me much. 

After work (Ron wasn't abusive, but he was very gloomy and negative, has been, all day), we went to Walmart. 

Going to the work, we had a "shared ride" of over an hour transit.  Going to Walmart, same thing.  We discussed the fare change policy and I said "Basically, all the nice n…

Mold Killer

I'm finally getting a little manic.  I cleaned out the laundry room and finally decided to attack "The problem" in the bathroom. 

While Ron is pretty lavish with the heating, he is very stingy when it comes to air conditioning.  I don't care, I like it warm anyway.  Today it was 60 degrees out and one of our drivers had the air conditioning on!  Brr! 

Anyway, he was obsessed with the bathroom.  We get a lot of east sun through the bathroom window.  It is one of the few windows not blocked by any trees or shrubbery.  Ron had a couple of solutions: he put roll down blinds on the outside of the window, but they blew off in the hurricane. 

Then he decided to close the bathroom door, the minute I finished my shower, so we had 100% humidity in the heat and confinement.  You can imagine the results, icky black mold on the ceiling above the tub.  I  tried to tell him, he wouldn't listen. 

We had a mold issue in CA due to bad plumbing upstairs, and it was horrific, mu…

Lovely, and sad.

Yesterday was a long, exhausting, and depressing day.  I woke up early, went to work, did heavy manual labor organizing and clearing my carts.  I have very limited storage, and store a lot of bottled drinks on the carts.  However, I desperately needed more snack inventory so I had to clear the carts, so I could use them, to bring more inventory into the building, so I could stock. 

The apex of that was Ron and the water.  I had brought him some water on a cart, it looked like he needed 3 cases.  He made a big point, of yelling at me in front of the customers, how I was "stupid" "a bad helper" and such because he needed 4 cases. 

I finally walked off, making "yak yak" motions with my hand and shaking my head.  This, unfortunately, is pretty common with Ron at work.  He is verbally abusive - from rude to downright filthy.  Up to this point, no one has said anything or even made a comment, but yesterday one guy exclaimed "Oh wow." during the heig…


When I was a young teen, I was placed on an antidepressant.  Like a lot of other young teens, I felt I was "fat" at 115 pounds (67 inches tall), and talked about "dieting". 

Well, the antidepressant had an interesting side effect: anorexia, a lack of appetite.  Of course my therapists felt I was anorexic, the eating disorder.  I wasn't.  I just wasn't hungry.  Even when I was hungry, I wasn't hungry, it's hard to explain.  Hungry, I felt as though I'd already eaten a large meal. 

This persisted for years, until the antidepressant was discontinued.  It didn't work that well, anyway. 

Well, I seem to have a paradigm shift in my side effects, because it's back: anorexia.  I find myself forcing myself to eat, gagging down an energy bar, or a modest portion of salad with a serving of protein, at dinner time. 

Results are impressive, I've lost about 15 pounds in less than a month.  Will this last, I don't know. 

I was a little wor…

Hits and misses

Yesterday was a long day, we went to the warehouse, got the supplies, brought them to work, and a whole lot of stocking.  By the time I got home, I was pretty tired. 

I had enough energy to do my God Time, or blog, so I did God Time. 

I went to bed, so glad I had today off. 

Today I went to Walmart.  Well, I got up, took my shower, got dressed, took my antibiotic, drank some diet iced tea because I can't have my soda with the antibiotic, and went to Walmart. 

Ron wanted a lot of snack foods, but my appetite is still absent.  I took my meds tonight with one slice of pizza.  Normally I eat 2 or 3.  I have found I can take my lithium on less food than previi144444444444  (Biscuit says hello). 

I can take my lithium on less food than I previously thought.  I did forget to eat my salad tonight. 

Anyway, I got some healthier foods, high protein, lower carbs.  I did get a bag of potato chips and did eat some, but they didn't taste very good to my palate. 

Now, being sick, I ha…

High quality fuel

Yesterday, Baby Girl camped out on my computer chair.  I didn't have the heart to move her and didn't even get online. 

Today, I had to get up at 4 AM and go to work, but at least I slept pretty well.  A little too well, in fact, I had a heck of a time getting up. 

It's going to be in the 30's tonight and two of my, three of my neighbors, have mowed their yards today. 

Today's Biscuit and Gravy's birthday.  It is funny to watch the progression, over days, from "I don't want them" to "I guess we're keeping them".  I plan to give them an extra can of cat food to celebrate. 

Work was OK but our inventory levels are low.  I think Ron hasn't wanted to "make" me do a big supply run when I'm sick.  But, we need it, and I am feeling better.  Not great, but better. 

Still no real appetite.  I did pizza for dinner so Ron had something hot and fresh.  I wa…

When I get depressed and hungry

Yesterday was a long day.  I had to get up at 2.  The night before, Ron, upset about various things, decided to get drunk and make a lot of noise, so I didn't fall asleep until probably 9. 

The next day, he was shocked to hear he hadn't been quiet.  I thought it was a pretty cheap shot to take at a sick person who needed her sleep.  I know it wasn't intentional, but as he was drinking, he kept telling me "I might have a problem, make a video".  I told him the next day it isn't my job to make a video, it is his job to be responsible so I don't have problems. 

Anyway, the only good thing I could see: I had a couple of hours to drink my diet caffeinated sodas before I came up on Antibiotic Time.  I can't have sodas around that, they could damage the penicillin. 

We went to work and I did what I could.  They sent out soda delivery to Crosby and it took a while to get it back.  Then, some of the cases were damaged, but we got the rest and put it away. 

Awfully tired

I slept better last night and had some dreams, always a good sign my body is healing. 

I got up around 7, did my God Time, and showered.  I ate and took my medication, all of it, and did not have a soda while I did so.  I opted for instant iced tea with stevia. 

I really am down about 10 pounds from a couple weeks ago.  My clothes fit the same, I think some of it is my glycogen stores, but still, not bad. 

I'm still coughing and blowing my nose, that's not going to resolve overnight, but praise God at least I'm getting some sleep.  I started using breathe-right strips at night and that seems to help. 

Ron had been telling me I had to go to the doctor for "an immune shot".  Of course that doesn't exist, but the steroids seem to be doing a pretty good job. 

My left ear gets a little clogged now and then but I've been able to clear it swallowing, yawning, etc. 

I'm debating what to do tonight.  I need to go to bed early, and I need to take my cough…


Well, I actually got some sleep last night. 

Boy, it's amazing what a difference that will make.  I whine about missing a nap - nearly a week of minimal sleep taught me a real lesson on that. 

I think the steroids make a huge difference.  My poor sinus cavities were so swollen and miserable. 

We got up, went to work, stocked, did some banking, got Burger King, and came home.  I just got some nuggets.  Yeah, the sauce has corn syrup but not enough to significantly impair my immunity.  50 grams is the operative word on that, per my Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine. 

It is awful to be hungry, with no appetite.  It reminds me of when I took Prozac.  I felt the same way for years.  Nothing worse than hungry, gagging down food, but I don't want to eat.  Been doing a lot of that, lately. 

I still eagerly await 8 o'clock, twice a day, so I can take my "mucus and cough suppressant" medication.  It has a 12 hour life. 

I was a little sharp with Ron at work, at one po…


I got some fitful sleep last night, and after my God time and shower this morning, caught a pretty good nap later. 

One secret: I made my bed with the heated mattress pad.  I can't abide very hot forced indoor air right now, but I don't want to freeze either.  The heated pad offers a good option.  The cats like it, too. 

The rest was just me, lying patiently in bed, thinking calming thoughts. 

I woke up with a mild frontal headache, which progressed.  I was also "blowing" out greenish-yellow crud, as I have he last couple days.  Great.  A sinus infection. 

I had Ron call doc and set up an appointment, then I took my nap.  I got a couple hours, 2-3 I think.  Not bad. 

Who knew sleep could be so hard to attain? 

So, I went to the doctor.  We (I took a cab) got stuck in traffic for nearly an hour.  Ugh.  The driver remarked I seemed very subdued, my aunt had remarked I sounded terrible last night. 

I saw doc pretty quick, for him.  He said I have a classic presen…


Well, Ron gave me three days off, back to work on Sunday, lots of stocking and wiped out my inventory.  This morning, back to work, got a delivery, went to the warehouse, got a truckload of supplies, loaded, back to work, unloaded, onto carts, into the building, vending machines, and stockroom. 

At least it wasn't raining this time, unlike last week! 

Symptoms: mainly, miserably congested with a nasty postnasal drip cough.  My period finally finished.  I can only breathe through my mouth at night, which makes it difficult to sleep.  I am managing to catch some sleep in 1 and 2 hour increments, and it's apparently "enough" for now.  I have to lay still, patiently calming myself, before I can drop off. 

What can I take?  Well, not decongestants, and not for a couple of reasons.  1.  They contraindicate my medication.  2.  They don't really work.  3.  They make me manic. 

Remember the part about lying quietly in bed?  Yeah.  Impossible with a mania. 

Let me tel…

4 hour pills

I didn't sleep too well last night, but I got a 3 hour nap and then a 4 hour.  I took it. 

This is my second day off, Ron says he is giving me three.  I'll take it. 

I got up, took my meds, took my shower, did my God Time.  Then we went to Walmart.  I felt really bad about it but I needed some medication. 

Ron opted to stay up front, away from me.  I couldn't blame him.  I sound pretty awful.  I have a horrible dry, hacking, cough, and a runny nose.  Coughing can involve gasping for air and it's not fun. 

I did take all my medication, though.  Happy about that. 

I got some combo medication, but the Sudafed in it makes me manic.  Not knowing that, I got some straight Sudafed... I can always give that to drivers when they complain of sinus troubles.  I got some 12 hour mucus pills with a cough suppressant - I'm pinning a lot of hopes on them.  Last night I had to wake up and take an additional dose of my 4-hour pills. 

Wouldn't that be great if we only got …


Still sick. 

Last night, the highlight would have had to be me, coughing, with a breath mint in my mouth.  Doc told me once, years ago, any "hard candy" will work as a "cough drop". 

Anyway, I got to coughing, wheezing, and inhaled the mint.  It got stuck in my esophagus, thank God.  Imagine if I'd inhaled it!  It eventually dissolved on it's own.  In the meantime I had to deal with a hard lump in my throat in addition to my other symptoms. 

Ron was very sympathetic.  I thought that was sweet.  I feel he fails me sometimes, and I know he feels the same, but he's been a good guy in this. 

Last night he told me he's scared I'm leaving him.  I told him I'm not (and I'm not), I just want some job protection in case something happens to him.  He said nothing would.  I didn't argue. 

When I got up, I contacted my aunt, who understandably was not interested in lunch with viral vector #1.  My cousin agreed.  This is the second time we h…


I'm going to complain a bit. 

Yesterday I woke up at 3 AM to get a delivery.  I had to do heavy manual labor, with a cold. 

I took a Benadryl (first generation antihistamine) because my symptoms include a runny nose, mild fever, and congestion.  I took it about 7 PM. 

I went to bed around 9, because the neighbors had one of their gatherings with the people in the yard singing and all.  They can't rent a hall?  Yesterday, when we were leaving, I counted 2 other neighbors also leaving at 4 AM.  Which means we all need to go to bed early.  Anyway. 

They left, I went to bed.  And I realized, my medication had backfired and made me manic.  I COULD NOT sleep.  I had to get up, I did my God Time, I read a book, but I could not sleep.  I started sneezing (another symptom) about the time I started getting tired, around 12.  My liver had cleared the antihistamine, I went to bed, and slept. 

But I had to get up at 7 today.  Now, it was very nice to sleep in until 7.  It was lovely. …

Am I petty today?

I have a full blown head cold. 

When I was a kid, we had "head colds" and "chest colds" (bronchitis).  Neither went to a doctor, an attitude I support. 

If it's a virus, Doc can't do anything for it. 

Anyway, lying in bed at 4 AM, just TOO depressing to think about getting up, taking my shower, doing my God time.  I went back to sleep for another hour and hit the snooze a couple times. 

I think Biscuit was worried I wouldn't have time to feed him!  I did. 

We went to work.  Our soda delivery came around 8:30.  The Dock Expeditor was shouting at me to move the truck because "He needed it for express mail".  As it turns out, during the entire delivery the area remained clear.  He didn't need it at all.  If I were petty, I would say I hope the next vending machine rips him off. 

I haven't decided if I'm petty today. 

Anyway, I helped.  We got it all put up and then I helped Ron stock.  We have everything go in a sequence, so Ro…

The Ick

Tossing and turning all last night, unable to fall asleep.  I finally caught a few hours only to be awakened by my alarm, and a nasty sore throat.  Great.  The "ick" got me. 

The "ick" has been making the rounds here for about a month.  Sore throat, nasty cough, congestion, etc. 

I do not.  Need.  The.  Ick.  I just got over the bladder infection! 

I know some of it goes to mood, I've never read a study but I am sure my immunity's down when I'm depressed.  The good news, I have been taking antibiotics and all the herbal supplements I feel help.  So, not much to do on that account except add some whey (protein) for added immunity. 

I tend to run deficient in protein and iron, unless I make a special point of getting both. 

I just felt like: really?  I already had to get up early, now this. 

I did enjoy two cats in the bed last night.  They were very sweet.  Biscuit hogged the foot of the bed, and Torbie slept next to my pillow.  I love that so much…

In the mix

If we hadn't gone to work, the machines would have been empty, 3 of them would have been out of order too, and we would have had to throw out a lot of sandwiches tomorrow. 

Ron gave me a hard time about "wanting" to go to work today, but I told him "We need to at least look".  I also told him we needed at least a couple hours to manage things if we did have business (that worked well, seriously). 

I got up at 5 AM.  I got a decent amount of sleep but I kept waking up to pee.  I'm a little tired of that. 

My hands stopped shaking, mostly, but did act up when I was working on the vending machines. 

I got my shower and my God Time, feeling pretty good. 

We went to work, the machines were as I said.  I got to work.  Two vending machines ate a dollar bill - I don't know why people put limp, wrinkled, bills into the vending machine.  They just lose the dollar, don't get anything, and shut the machine down for everyone else.  The third machine had a c…

I won't

I slept pretty good last night, considering I woke up a couple times to pee. 

I'm getting there. 

I got up, did my shower and God Time.  The rest of the day was pretty horrific. 

Ron spent most of the day shouting at me, accusing me of "trying to be perfect" etc.  Have I ever come off that way here?  If anything, this whole blog is about exploring my imperfections.  I was thinking today what a bad idea it was to put all the bills in Ron's name.  He did it, I didn't, but now if I ever need to move out I have a blank slate, not a good thing creditwise (except for an old hospital bill I did pay over a course of years). 

We went to Walmart, then we went home.  He only wanted an hour instead of 1:45 the paratransit company had "gifted" us, so he called someone, and paid them, to make it an hour by picking us up and driving us home.  I had told him I was fine with the longer period of time, in fact I prefer to have more time, but Ron only wants to spend a…

"I think I overdosed"

I almost forgot the exciting part of my New Years. 

Ron has a system for taking medication: he has a digital recorder and records every time he takes his medication.  For whatever reason, he heard 6:30 PM as 2:30 PM, and took an additional dose of XS Tylenol. 

He brought me the bottle "How often do I take it?"  "Every 6 hours". 

"I took two doses in a 2 hour period.  Am I going to die?"  Probably not, I figured, but we should call poison control.  "No" he replied "I don't want to do that."  We should go to the hospital, then.  "No, I don't want to do that.".  What DO you want to do?  "Just wait and see if I get sick" He replied. 

I did enough research to determine over 4 grams a day was "bad" and he had only had 3 so far that day.  I didn't tell him that, but continued to encourage him to call poison control or go to the hospital.  He kept refusing. 

He wanted a drink.  I talked him out of…

Storage unit

Wednesday I had off.  I had been reading in one of my natural medicine books and come across "potassium citrate".  It looked very promising, pain relief, infection control, over the counter? 

I recalled seeing some kind of bottles of "citrate" at the drugstore.  I figured odds were good I could find it a couple miles down the road. 

I did my God Time, took a shower, and headed out the door, my hair still wet.  It was pretty cold but not overly so. 

I headed to the bus stop and waited for a while, about 20 minutes, before my ride arrived.  I disembarked at my stop and walked past a nice dormant vacant lot.  It was very pretty, in a dead winter way. 

I got to the drugstore.  I quickly found magnesium citrate, which is apparently a laxative.  I can't imagine anything worse than using a laxative during a bladder infection.  I couldn't find any potassium citrate, and the pharmacy tech was "busy" with a pretty girl.  I got a few snack foods, the mag…