Showing posts from February, 2013

Busy Day

This won't be long:
Saw my doctor.  Everything is fine. 
Had lunch with my aunt. 
Went to work.  Did most of it but not all, so will be working tomorrow. 
Came home, did up 70 more Bibles.  I have about 140 total. 

Tomorrow we go to work, come home, I get my handcart and head out on the Handout.  Ron and I meet up later and eat a late lunch. 

Hopefully I come home and do an update, then take a nap!

As the World Bleeds

This song came up on my player, and I thought Anonymous might appreciate the lyrics: 

As the World Bleeds

Why do we only call Your name when there’s no one else to call?
And we only really seek You when our mighty towers fall
Why do we say You’ve failed us and You’ve turned Your eyes away
When we’re only sleeping in the bed we made?

Why do we call for free will, but reject all consequence?
Why’s the path we’ve made to Heaven stained with the blood of innocence?
Why’d we ignore the warnings that we’ve read and always known
And get angry when we reap the things we’ve sown?

So we blame You
‘Cause our world’s not come out right
While the devil’s masquerading
As an angel of the light
Just imagine
All the pride and all the nerve
To ask where You’ve been, when we’re the ones we serve

It’s not a mystery, it’s been foretold
But we ignored the warning bell so long ago
There’s a way that seems right unto men, but we’ll die with the wages of sin

As the world lies bleeding
The giant is no longer sleeping

Living Hell

I don't usually feel "crippled", but every now and then something reminds me. 

A friend of mine recently lost her car in an accident.  It was the family's only car.  Everyone is OK.  She is having a very hard time adapting to life without a car.  She finds it very difficult to go to the grocery store.  "It's so hard to carry the bags on the bus" she remarked. 

Yeah.  It is. 

I suggested that maybe God is using this so she will help other people without cars, when her own vehicle is restored.  I like to think God can use trials that way. 

I just had to think how my friend would find my life.  Paratransit, stuffed in a backseat next to someone I've never met.  Riding around for hours on end, having to listen to talk radio I detest, because it's the "Morning show" and it's their vehicle, not mine.  Having to ride for up to 2 hours, each trip, because that's what they can do.  Dealing with the amorous advances of a slow fellow …

Happy News

I didn't take the Claratin and I slept great.  I only slept about 9 hours and woke up ready to go.  What a nice change from the last week or so, constantly groggy. 

Ron is lying in bed with the kitten lying on top of him, kneading and purring away.  I have never seen a cat love a human the way she loves him. 

In a little bit, I go see my doctor for a tune-up, lunch with my aunt, and then home.  I'll do another post later.

Interesting People

I had a pretty busy day off. 

I went to bed early last night and slept 12 hours straight.  I think I'm going to cut out the Loratadine (OTC allergy medication).  I think it's causing the fatigue.  If that doesn't work I'll get some blood tests. 

Ron and I went to Walmart, with him in the wheelchair.  Ron was kind of sullen because he's broke.  He likes to get me things, even if it's just a bottle of soda.  We still had a good time. 

I had fun pushing him around in the wheelchair.  I found a nice honeysuckle candle, huge, for $5.  I have been very impressed with the Walmart candles.  I have a Jasmine Gardenia, and a Vanilla Spice.  I tend to favor spice and floral notes. 

I realized, during a bad depression last year, I love candles.  I had a nice candle at the time and I just stared at it.  I thought, if I love candles why is the cap on?  Why am I not burning it?  So, I did.  When I can, I like to get a scented candle - and thankfully Walmart has them in my…


Here's another thought that goes on top of the video blog. 

If God wants me to do a Handout, He will protect me.  I am surprised how many friends and family seem to have great trouble with the concept.  I am called to go to Acres Homes. 

If I am called, and sent, I will be in God's will.  Nothing will happen to me outside of God's will.

People seem to think the "bad area" will overwhelm God's protection and I will end up raped, beaten, and murdered in the gutter.  Whatever happened to "My God is mighty to save"?  (Isaiah 63:1-3, Zephaniah 3:16-18)

Even assuming it was God's will for me to meet a bad end on a Handout, I'd be fine with that.  I'd prefer the Bibles got distributed first, but if it got the Word out I'd sign up.  He might reach more people if something horrific did happen to me. 

Life is not everything.  Death is not the end.  God has great plans for me and has used me amazingly.  I'm going to go, and do, whatever …

Video Blog


Big Thought

I finally remembered my "Big Thought" yesterday during church.  I was standing there in church, in "our" seats (in the middle, front, near the aisle).  Ron stood next to me wearing his nice sweatshirt and slacks, humming, clapping, and singing along with the music. 

When Ron gets very discouraged, he calls himself names.  I always tell him "Ron, anyone carrying your load would get discouraged."  I reiterate all his physical and financial problems, and end with "And, worst of all, you're married to me!"  We both grin. 

Hopefully I am an encouragement to Ron, encouraging him to fling all his burdens at God.  God knows we sure can't handle them on our own.  If I have any spiritual "secret" to impart, that's it.  I just throw everything on God and leave it with Him. 

So, standing there, next to Ron, I thought "We've come a long way in the last couple years".  I thought we would never get here. 

I figured God c…

Act like it

I tried, repeatedly, to do video blogs but they kept getting eaten.  Sorry. 

I woke up at 5 AM, did my God time (I don't go on about the God Time to moralize you or make you feel bad, but just to show that God Time is a part of every day).  I ate a breakfast and we caught our ride to church. 

Since we had an early pickup, going to early service, it worked great.  We had a 40 minute layover at Starbucks waiting on our second ride. 

The church is worth all the hassle.   I did have a fleeting, envious thought, that we probably had the most difficulty of anyone, getting there. 

Here comes the ice cream truck.  Oh, I love this town. 

Church was good.  I had a "revelation" I have completely forgotten.  Oh, well, it'll come back.

I did decide to strip the front room of anything but Bibles, remote control, and furniture.  Then I can finally put up a photo. It will be pretty challenging getting rid of everything.  I don't have a lot of stuff, but I have a terrible d…

That badly

So, I stood in my front room this morning, dumping ice into a bucket.  As I shoved bottles into the ice, I started singing "Poppin' bottles in the ice/like a blizzard/when we drink we do it right...." 

[Here's the song link:

You see, when I got the computer, it had music.  I liked G6 so I kept it.  I now have various dance tunes in addition to my gospel metal, gospel rap, contemporary Christian, and old hymns. 

So, what's up with the bucket?  Well, Thursday night Pete called.  He is leaving town, for good (he does contract computer work), on Monday.  He wanted to finish a few home repairs before he left. 

Ron told him, we had to work Friday morning, but were free after that.  However, I didn't have time to get any drinks or snacks.  We got home from work on Friday and Pete and Linda came by.  We worked on the siding issue, the horrible curled up nasty siding on the north side of the house.  We got that nailed - screwed actua…

"For Bibles"

So, yesterday was interesting.  During my Bible study, I read about the sabbath, how God felt it was very important for the Israelites to take a day off a week.  (That would probably not happen with a second job).  Then I read a verse in Psalms "I have never seen the righteous forsaken, or his children begging bread"  (Psalm 37:25)  I really hung onto that voice when everything looked very grim, after Ron's accident.  I was unemployed, had no money, couldn't access Ron's money because we were just living together... bad times.  But God took care of every need and then some. 

On our way to work, I saw a banner outside the mosque "We love [prophet of islam]" which made me very angry.  I got even angrier when I read "[prophet of islam] - the prophet of peace".  Bull turds.  Sura 9:5 "9:5 When the sacred months are over slay the idolaters wherever you find them. Arrest them, besiege them, and lie in ambush everywhere for them. If they repen…

If you pray

Ron and I had a very good conversation today.  He talked about finances, and we decided to cut the cell phone plan.  We only use about 800 minutes between us; so why not reduce the plan?  We did that, saving $50.  That will pay the water bill and $25 to spare.   

We also discussed the possibility of me working another job.  He is pretty much onboard.  He says the money I make is mine, and I will keep the money I make from the business - I see saving in my future. 

For instance, we have a drippy kitchen sink.  We need a new faucet, this is 30 years old.  All the seals are shot - but a new faucet isn't cheap.  We just twist it really tight when we shut off the water, but that won't last forever.  I don't want to bother my friends unless I have an emergency. 

It would be nice to save up and get a new one.  I also need to fix the siding on the north side of the house. Eventually paint the house, things like that.  Property tax - it would be nice to pay that, and the insuran…

Poor Bubba

I bought some easter eggs and easter candy yesterday.   I had a vision of hiding them in the vending machines, behind merchandise, for the customers to discover when they made a purchase.   Ron loved the idea when I told him. 

He wanted me to put happy faces on the eggs, in fact.  I told him they were very brightly colored, and he was happy.  It is awesome to have a supportive boss. 

My "new" food machine is not giving change.  It is very frustrating, the "new" machine being such a booger!  The coin mechanism on the bottled soda vendor is still acting up, I need to realign it I think.  I'll pray over it before I start working. 

God allows various trials - right now they are work trials.  Bad sales and naughty vending machines.  Happily, we have a very good relationship with the repairman and he's coming out tomorrow. 

I also got yelled at by a customer, who accused me of "raising prices".  The other vendor is selling coffee more cheaply - I do…

Toenail clippers

Ron would tell me "You need to make a list" and he's right. 

Today I went to the Dollar Store because I'm still sick and I don't want to infect all the cute babies, pregnant mommies, and I think someone is fighting cancer.  I got some more tissues (a box for the house and some to give away), cold remedies (some to give away), some sugar free lemon drops (love them), etc. 

I forgot the toenail clippers.  Now, I could just pick at the nails, but I'll probably get an ingrown.  Generally I don't let my toenails grow very long.  I'm trying to leave them alone, but they do need a little snip. 

I just knew I was forgetting something.  I found some nice rose-scented bath salts, but forgot the clippers!  Oh, well, life in my brain. 

I had a good day, a nice nap with Bubba-cat.  My parents (Dad and adoptive Mom) are coming to visit in a few months, that will be fun. 

I've got my clothes in the dryer for tomorrow.  Thank God for appliances. 

Like I tol…

Let me be myself

"I just wrote a post about you."  I told Ron "You are a wonderful listener.  One of my readers asked me if you knew about all the nice things I wrote about you, and I had to say I wasn't sure."  Ron grumbled a little. He has a hard time with compliments sometimes. 

When I was given this computer, it had music.  One of the songs "Let me be myself".  I like it.  One thing I really like about it: Ron does let me be myself. 

Years ago, he used to try to conform me to a standard he felt was "normal".  Sometimes I felt like a lump of play-doh.  I used to get so frustrated and angry. 

I am well aware, I can do everything to be the best I can, socially, but every now and then I'm going to say the wrong thing and get that look.  Ron used to want to "perfect" me, but it's impossible for a normal person, I think, much less somone with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  I read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and that helpe…

Dr Problem

Years ago, Ron majored in psychology because he wanted to help people.  He dropped out of the program because he realized a lot of them didn't want to get better. 

He used to enjoy playing "Dr Problem" - tell me your problem and I'll give you some advice, help you work through it.  It was actually a gripe of mine for years, he'd come home after 12 hours at work and spend his free time talking to friends on the phone. 

Happily, we have gotten to the point where instead of needing advice on how to deal with Ron, I am asking him for advice on how to deal with others. 

So, I talked to him.  He is a good listener and often hears what I'm not saying. 

"Heather" he told me "It sounds like you feel this person is saying you're too stupid to make your own decisions.  That they are saying they know your body better than you do." 

Yes.  That was exactly it.  [The aspartame thing again, now, in addition to making me bald - which you have all …

Video blog, some coughing

Too tired to write, so I made a video blog


"I love you" I told Bubba as I stroked his silky black head "But if I give you more ground beef you'll get sick!"
That's right, Valentine's Day at my house: go to work, come home, bringing "homework" (a vending machine manual).  Take a nap, wake up, Ron eats a TV dinner and some popcorn, I cook myself some macaroni with ground beef. 

The cats love cooked ground beef, and I use very mild paprika to season the meat.  Bubba ate about a quarter cup, don't let him fool you.  Baby Girl ate a couple of Tablespoons.  Ron loves it when I spoil her. 

"She's pretty cute" I tell him.  She is so Ron's cat, it's touching and amusing all at once. 

It made me so angry, thinking about the burglary, because I just knew she was reclining happily in my chair when those cheese brains kicked in the door.  They must have scared her.  Grr.  Thank God she could run out the cat door. 

It sounds odd, but I do hope "my" thieves are…

Could have died

The guys who robbed me may have died this morning.  Link  If you don't want to look at the website, and the Chronicle is infested with popups and ads, basically it goes like this: 

Last night, a homeowner one subdivision over caught two men breaking into his car.  He confronted them and chased them.  They got in their compact car and fled.  They ran several red lights, and went into freeway traffic.  They were killed by a Chevy Silverado (the same model vehicle that ran over Ron!). 

They could have been the guys who robbed me.  I mean, the odds seem pretty slim that you would have 2 robbery gangs working a 1 mile square area. 

That said, these guys were latino.  According to my (latino) neighbor, the guys who robbed me were black. 

I haven't seen any photos of the guys - but it's wierd to think the guys who robbed me could have died this morning. 

Just in case "my" guys are still alive, I'm praying for them.  It really makes me realize, our time is short…

A trip to Walmart

So, how was my day? 

Well, I woke up once last night.  Not bad.  I woke up again with a pretty nasty headache.  I took some Excedrin but realized I would not be sleeping after 200 mg of caffeine.  I said goodbye to Bubba, who's been sleeping with me every night and every nap, and got up. 

I took a shower.  Normally I'm really stingy with the water, I turn it off to lather up, etc.  Not today.  I was sick, and I needed the steam.  I didn't take forever but I had a good time.  It is funny, I opened a bar of rose soap, and I can't smell it.  I don't know whether the fragrance faded or I'm that congested... I also threw away the last cup of milk in the old carton because I couldn't smell it. 

Ron is allergic to the cats, like I am, so he is generally congested himself and not a good "consult". 

I got out, dried off.  I need to finish washing the towels.  The tub mat was ruined a while back and I need a new one, or I need to designate an old towel …

Jesus would do

I'm a little irked right now, and I'm sure some of you will laugh at me when you realize why I'm upset. 

First, I'll state what I do: I hand out Bibles.  I stand on a median, at a stoplight, with a free Bibles sign.  If someone wants a Bible(s) they get as many as they want.  I try to have Spanish as well.  That's it.  I go out there, stand with the sign, and distribute to those who want a Bible, generally in bad areas. 

This guy does not do that.  Now, in a lot of respects I think he is doing right.  The Bible says God hates hands that shed innocent blood.  The 10 commandments say murder is wrong.  He has children, himself.  I understand his motivation. 

However, I do not believe God wants us to be confrontational like that.  I can think of a millon other ideas - a placard with a photo of a woman's hands, reaching out "I'll take care of your baby".  Wouldn't that be great?  Sharing the truth in love, folks. 

The abortion protest gang don&…

God is not a vending machine

I have thought about this all day, and decided to post it.  I have changed many details. 

I know 2 people.  Both of them are married, long-term, and devoted to their spouses.  One man, is a born-again Christian.  The other man is a pagan, posting about doing various rituals. 

If I haven't blocked the lady who posts lots of pictures of her very favorite president, safe bet to say I won't block the pagan.  God calls Christians to be a light in the world.  That means sharing my faith, not hiding it off in a corner with the "chosen". 

One reason I have the blog. 

So, both wives were in horrible accidents last year.  The Christian went about how you'd expect "Mary was in a horrible car wreck, please pray!"  "Still in ICU, please pray"  "Doing better, praise God!".  You get the idea.  Everyone said they'd be praying.  I prayed like hell.  I love this couple.  Mary had a lot of trials, and a lifelong disability, as a result of the a…

Cut and paste

Well, I only woke up once last night.  When I did wake up, next to Bubba, that handsome black cat you see in my sidebar, I had a terrible headache. 

I took some Excedrin, it is gone.  But I'm up. 

Still coughing but I feel "better".  I actually think I'm going to live.  I'm staying home today and resting, but it's nice to know. 

Ron was annoyed, when I turned on my computer the music woke him up.  He was very cranky, and went back to bed.  I apologized.  I really didn't know it would bother him. 

So, I posted on my various forums and came here.  Two comments.  Oh, boy. 

Nope.  Two spams. 

I hate spam.  I hate badly tranliterated "offers" to "check out my page".  I hate messages so incomprehensible I have to wade through and pick out keywords.  They all start with phony compliments, then they go to "give me your money" sooner or later. 

I wish they'd leave me alone.  I know there's a human being at the other end…

Video Blog, "Adequate"


Good for much

Well, my head doesn't hurt.  I was able to work, did everything required.  I must have looked pretty bad (I think my cheekbone/eye area was pretty red and puffy) because people kept asking me if I was OK, instead of the usual morning greetings. 

It's just now dawning that maybe they thought I'd been crying.  Awww.  That is very sweet. 

At any rate, I BEGGED God to please keep me from infecting anyone.  One of the guys at work had a bad cough I remember from last week, he might actually have infected me.  If that's the case everyone else is either sick or immune. 

For our ride home, we had the guy I think will never, ever, forgive me for using the word "Crackheads" to describe his neighborhood.  Here's a link.  Notice the Houston Chronicle uses the word "Crackheads".  [raised eyebrow] 

Anyway, he came, and took us home.  Thank God. 

I took more cold remedy - I am so sick of taking cold remedy.  I had to stop the Wellbutrin, so I could take S…

Decided not to dwell

When the medication is on board, I think the sinus thing isn't as bad as a migraine.  Then it wears off and I think they're even. 

I will be so glad when I'm better.  Ron caught what I have, but not severely.  He just coughs a little and a sneeze now and then. 

I need to make some tea.  I feel jittery from the sinus medication.  Achy and clogged.  Lethargic and miserable. 

BUT. I have decided not to dwell, so this blog will be devoted to some happy memories. 

When I was little, my family had a cat.  My mother was very ill with bipolar and alcohol.  I was severely neglected.  However, my cat used to get in the crib with me and keep me company, groom me, let me slobber on her and grab her, and set gentle boundaries by getting out of the crib, and arm's reach, when needed.  I sure loved that cat. 

After my mother left, I loved flying on the plane to see Grandma in El Paso. 

When I was a little older, my Dad put me in daycare (as soon as he could).  I loved daycare, …

I'm happy with that

I sat on the edge of Ron's bed, talking away.  I'd made some pudding, the kitten wanted it, and I made her walk all over Ron after the pudding bowl.  Up to the shoulder.  Down to the hip. Across the ribcage, as Ron laughed and giggled.  We gossiped about some Old Testament scandals, and had a great quality time. 

He was drunk.  He was so drunk he almost fell down going to the bathroom. 

One thing Al-anon has taught me - don't make my happiness conditional on Ron being sober.  If I do that I won't be very happy. 

I'm sure people think I am saying too much; but I know there's someone else out there, many of them, hurting so badly over their alcoholic spouse.  Wondering if they can ever be happy. 

God has given me the grace to accept the things I can't change. 

I'm happy with that. 

{The kitten did get a few licks of pudding when I finished, it was lemon, not chocolate)

Are you taking your medication?

Whenever someone asks me for advice about bipolar disorder, I always ask the same question:  "Are you/they taking their medication?"  Because, in my opinion, if they aren't, the conversation ends there. 

No one knows better than I, how messed up it gets inside an unmedicated bipolar head.  I couldn't reason.  I couldn't think. I was a slave to my illness, raging at everyone.  The only salvation came in the form of pink capsules (lithium), and a nice little orange antipsychotic (haldol).  Without them, you had better run like hell. 

I earned the nickname "Heather the Hatchet" for just that reason, and that was before the illness got really bad.  Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to educate people.  I love to help. 

But there's no helping someone off their meds.  They have to make the decision to take it, as directed and get stable before anyone can do anything with them. 

It's like a ravenous animal.  I'm not going to stick my arm in …

Back to life

I'm feeling a little better. 

I think the veggie soup with red pepper flakes really did it.  I also have cold medicine on hand at all times, so if I get sick I don't have to arrange transportation to get some medicine, and infect everyone along the way, either. 

Speaking of infections, I decided to stay home from church.  They have babies, pregnant women, no way am I getting them sick. 

I felt so horrible this morning, I'm not putting that on anyone.  Not even the guys who robbed us.  It was that bad. 

The stuff I'm taking now helps.  I feel semi functional.  No depression.  A little mania at times.  Bubba was very cuddly (he hates coughing and I am coughing as I drain, so I don't expect to see him much now) when I felt my worst.  I'm drinking a lot of hot tea, it helps. 

I just can't wait to clear this hurdle and get back to my life.  Once I put my food into fitday I'll see if I have enough carbs left to eat a few pretzels.  I've been craving …

The last thing I want

Well, I have 2 awesome cats and a sinus infection.  Yuck. 

When I had that viral sinus thing back in December, I was so glad I was not clogged up.  I didn't escape this time. 

Somewhere between the fevers, the roots of my teeth killing me (it reminded me of getting my braces adjusted), and the drilling agony, it dawned one me - 2 AM.  "I have a sinus infection".  I won't go into any more details. 

Hot tea, hot compresses, medication, herbs, all have been used, to some effect.  The pain is bearable.  I can sort of breathe though my nose.  I'm draining, not as much as I'd like, but something. 

I might make some veggie soup with red pepper in it.  That ought to get things excited.  I was even thinking about wasabi, but I don't have any. 

The last couple days, Ron's been asking me if I want to go anywhere.  One of the ways his love language, acts of service, manifests, is in giving me transportation where I'd like to go.  However, I want to stay …

Look up

Someone asked me if I had a "rapture song". I picked this. Sure describes the world.

OK, heavy metal moment over with, onto some other topics.

I have some friends who like to mock the administration online, complain about FEMA camps, talk about homeland security and the ammo stockpile, etc.  You get the idea. 

One person, not a friend, told me they were putting nanotechnology into my medication!  My crazy pills!  Even if it's true I'm still better off taking them than running around buggo. 

I always want to tell them, are you really thinking this through?  Because if you're right, and this evil government is out to get us, if they are killing people for "talking", what do you think they're going to do to you for "blabbing" and mocking them?  Send you a birthday card? 

I think everyone reading this knows I am a conservative, born-again, Christian.  I would like my leaders to also be born-again, conservatives. 

They are not.  But, …

Morning video blog

OK, HTML isn't working.  Here is the link for a video blog:

Let me try again.


So, we went to Walmart, I got my food, and we came home. 

The fridge needed cleaning, I did that while I had the energy.  When I ran out of energy, I stopped.  At least half the fridge looks great.  I haven't had the energy to clean the fridge in a while. 

I took out the trash, beat the garbage truck.  Yay.  Once they came by I put the can away and locked the gate.  Sad that I have to lock my gate. 

The hoard next door is growing, but the kitten loves it.  I'm not too worried.  They are generally quiet, stay out of my yard, like the cats, and don't let their 14 year old get impregnated in the driveway, like the last family.  Her boyfriend used to have "dates" with her in his car as they parked in the driveway, then throw the used condom in a baggie into my yard.  Of course she got pregnant and had a baby - in her teens.  It was heartbreaking and it made me so angry - the whole family knew he was using her like a whore, but they didn't care.  I made sure th…

No grudges

Ron woke me up last night, talking in his sleep.  I got up, went over to his room, and shut his door, saying "It's the door for you".  I didn't know he was asleep.  He woke up cranky.  Not a good half hour. 

I figured, if you're talking in your sleep I can just shut the door without talking, but Ron wants me to get the digital recorder, record him talking, and then wake him up.  What? 

Trying to be delicate here; see Ron believes I hallucinated him talking.  Even though I have "proven" in the past that he does sleep talk. 

In "How to act right when your spouse acts wrong" Leslie talks about how Ron's faults reveal my own failures.  I was lying in bed, thinking, "Ron and I are looking at this through completely different lenses.  He is feeling persecuted because I 'woke him up'.  I am feeling persecuted because he won't let me go back to sleep."  Eventually, we both fell asleep. 

I woke up really tired.  Why?  I wa…

Something in the "butter"

Jillian, I swear you were in my computer "Don't do the diet pills, they do bad things to your metabolism".  Today found me at the Dollar Store, where I picked up some "Diet Dots" (they are made in America).  I didn't have my usual depression - not as bad, at least, so I was seriously thinking about buying a more serious product.  OK!  I'll wait! 

The day started off pretty depressed.  I couldn't even apply my hair stuff - I was doing well to wash it, brush it, and get it into the ponytail.  I was really proud of myself for pouring some veggie juice to go with my breakfast. 

We had great rides, all day.  We went to work, met the repairman.  He fixed the lock in 5 seconds, then fixed the coffee machine and leveled the food machine.  He didn't need to program it. I had. 

He was very nice about my mistake.  I always like to see him.  He left and I stocked sodas.  Then I put all the merchandise back in the food machine (the one with the, ah, lock)…

A nice cuddle, at least

Today was a humbling experience and taught me a lot about myself.  I slept great, got up, and did my God Time.  Usually, during my God Time, I ask Him to help me work on my faults, hidden and known. 

For instance, pride is an issue for me.  I know that.  More on that later, in fact. 

It's interesting, my friend was worried about me "exposing" Ron - boy, if he'd only read some of the posts about me!  I don't hold back. 

So, we got to work.  There I am surrounded my machines *I* programmed, by locks *I* installed.  Ron is lucky to have me.  I stock everything, and it looks good.  I get the delivery and stocked it. 

We had a coin jam in the bottled drink vendor.  I prayed about it, disassembled it, and fixed the jam quickly.  Then I cleared out the error messages.  I felt like I could do anything after that.  It looked a lot like this.

Our new vending machine has a troublesome lock.  It is difficult to open and requires a separate key.  One of our repairman said…


I woke up feeling useless.  Somehow, I've got it in my head, that because Ron drinks, God can't use me for evangelism. 

We won't look at 3 years of Bible Handouts to the contrary - just my own feelings. We won't look at all the evangelism before and around the Bible Handouts. 

Anyway, I felt like God was telling me to get online.  So I did.  And I found not one, but two of my friends are battling some issues I know well. 

I hope I was able to provide a little comfort for them.  Maybe God just wants me in "consoler" role for now.

Wait on You

Well, depending on how my God Time goes, this will go either one of two ways. 

Either way, I would like to post a little tribute to Mr Bubba - my black cat.  He has been very loving of late. 

In fact, if I set my alarm early, I get a cuddle from him, pet him, good times.  A wonderful way to start the day.  I set tomorrow's alarm over half an hour early for just that purpose. 

Not to be outdone, Baby Girl left a dead lizard by my chair.  She loves me too.  She always gets rather distressed when she sees us cleaning the litter box.  That meme about "Stealing my poop" applies perfectly.  cartoon  Just substitute a freaked out brown tabby for the fat gray one. 

OK, off to do my God Time. 

"Wait on God".  I keep getting that message. 

It applies in several areas of my life: Ron's ongoing alcohol issue.  I'll say this, but it sounds awful -but I'm not going to hide something because it makes me look bad.  Even drinking, Ron treats me very well, most…

Blind fashion advisor

I had a great morning.  I got up, took my shower.  I used the new hair stuff, combed it in.  Hair looks and feels great.  I wisely ate and took my medication before putting on the new blouse. 

"The Purple" Ron replied when I asked.  Yes, I ask him fashion advice!  I wore it with my jeans and sandals.  I felt very comfortable.  I noticed it was from Lane Bryant, so I guess that means I have 2 designer shirts. 

My weight is stuck.  Discouraging.  I have a couple ideas.  1.  Not eating any vegetables.  2.  Hormonal issues - in one low carb book the author said a woman can forget about weight loss, and just hope to maintain, for the last 2 weeks of her cycle.  I'm not sure about that but it seems to apply to my case.  3.  I have been going over my allotted 100 carbs a day - not every day but a few. 

Our ride was an hour late.  We barely made it there on time.  Ron and I agreed we'll attend the early service - everyone is up and about at 10 AM, ready to go shop, eat, e…

Guinea Pig

While scrolling around Facebook, I noticed a sidebar ad: clinical trial for schizophrenia.  No way.  No way ever.  No way would I ever put an experiemental medication into my body. 

Now, I have a family member.  They have done clinical trials (not for that), and thought it was a lot of fun.  I have been strongly encouraged by this person to try whatever clinical trial comes along for bipolar, in Houston. 

No way.  No way ever.  It took me years to get to this point. 

Here's a good example, one the long timers will recognize.  The neighbor parked his truck in front of our house, slightly blocking our driveway.  Old Heather would have gone "buggo", to quote my husband.  I would have unleashed an angry tirade on the driver, called the police, and taken the war to the bloody end. 

I would have spent hours fuming, come on, guys, you're read a million posts on the subject.  I would not let it go. 

Today, we came home, and it was the driver with all the invective, I ju…

Last thought for the evening

I am not a victim.  The big, bad, pharmaceutical company is not exploiting me.  You want to see how I got the nickname "Heather the Hatchet"?  Say something about my doctor.  Try it.  I have nothing but profound gratitude and deep affection for the man.  I am not an addict - trust me, I know addiction.  How can I be addicted when I don't get a high and have terrible side effects?  They never answer that one. 

Yeah, I ran into the "medications are making our children crazy" crowd.  Some stuff on Facebook - let me say it's a good thing I am taking my pills or I'd be apoplectic. 

"Oh, Jimmy was forced to take psychiatric medication, then he killed someone".    The fearmongers fail to understand the concept of mania. 

If you give a bipolar person a stimulant, an antidepressant, or God forbid, both, without a mood stabilizer, they will have problems.  Simple remedy - add a mood stabilizer, or take away the stimulant.  That's it! 

But people…

"Is there a problem?"

I had a bad night.  I went to bed early, I was so miserable.  I tossed and turned for a while and finally fell asleep. 

Whoever was playing that music, at night, has stopped.  Good.  I just get random cars driving by and blasting their tunes.  I am sure I would be guilty if I drove. 

I woke up early and sure enough, found my Bubba cat.  We had a good pet for a while, then when I stopped he got on his bed (actually a plastic storage box with a piece of cardboard on top).  I went back to sleep, happy he was nearby.  I love my Bubba. 

I did my God Time, a little whiny.  Why do I have to have brain damage?  Why do I have to be crazy - and not just "nuts" but psychotic? 

Have you ever watched Law & Order - any of them?  They always have the episide, every now and then, of the psychotic, off their meds.  I saw one of them today.  A guy was raving about secret prisons and tentacles. 

I found it ironic, because I was currently swallowing my mood stabilizer and antipsychotic…