Showing posts from April, 2017

A trip to Burger King

Our ride to Burger King was late.  Ron had mentioned he really wanted to go, so I went.  I might as well eat a meal someone else prepared than make my own. 

I acted as if nothing had happened, and he followed my lead.  We had a regular cab (hired by the paratransit company, they do that sometimes) take us to the restaurant.  We got there late because the driver had to come from a ways off. 

The driver remembered us, though, apparently fondly, because he came back.  The wheelchair folded up nicely and fit in the trunk. 

When we got to the store, they appeared to have a full staff, but took forever to cook our food.  It was very inefficient.  It took almost 20 minutes to get a chicken sandwich, some chicken nuggets, and an order of onion rings. 

That's a sign of bad management.  They only had 1 fryer going at a time, yet they all worked. 

Inefficient.  We barely had time to eat before our ride showed up. 

We had a straight trip home. 

Ron's been pestering me to watch a mo…

"Don't make us choose"

Last night was troubling.  I lay in bed, trying to sleep, listening to Ron mutter "Bitch" now and then.  I was worried he would get up, come in my room, and confront me, but he didn't. 

I have also "cluttered" up the path to my bedside enough that he can't get the wheelchair over there.  If he tried to get in the room, he would definitely wake me up. 

I had to listen to him muttering, off and on, with snoring, for a couple of hours.  The last time he woke me up was 12:47 PM.  Thankfully I have today off work, so I could sleep in. 

Torbie came to sleep with me after a while, probably also worried about Ron's behavior. 

I had strange dreams (no wonder!) and woke up around 8.  I "slept in" until 8:30 but Biscuit was acting piteous, meowing, howling, and kneading me for breakfast.  I had given him a double portion of dry (but still within the diet) last night but apparently they had eaten it all. 

I like it when he lays in my lap, when I'…

I've created a monster, or appeasement doesn't work

Read the post below this first, then come back. 

You may wonder why I didn't just do what Ron wanted.  After all, what would it "cost" me to pretend he was right, make a phony apology, and maybe even give him back the MP3 player? 

It would cost me a lot. 

See, appeasement doesn't work.  If I did that I would be teaching Ron that dirty fighting, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, dragging up the past, etc. is all a good and beneficial thing for him. 

Just do this, he'll learn, and Heather will give you whatever you want.  I learned that lesson the hard way.  I've created a monster. 

He thinks if he is ugly enough, dirty enough, abusive enough, I will give him what he wants.  And it worked for a very long time.  It isn't until I rediscovered my faith back in 2009 that I really began standing up to him. 

As a result, he bitterly resents and mocks my faith.  He attacks God with even more profane and abusive comments than he levels at me.  It makes me shudde…

Not an easy day

Ron is castigating me right now.  I will get back to that later. 

I got up early and got ready to go.  We went to the warehouse and bought our stuff.  Ron got 27 cases of drinks. 

When Jack showed up, his arm was in a cast.  He broke it.  On his vacation, no less. 

That sucked.  I had to admire his work ethic in showing up.  I had to keep battling to keep him from overexerting himself (it was all very friendly).  We got the truck loaded on our own.  The cart attendant never came to help us, the one day we really needed him. 

We got to work and I got the carts, got the carts loaded.  Ron, trying to "help" move cases of soda, fell down by the truck.  Jack felt terrible about it but it happens with Ron. 

I told Jack Ron was made of rubber and would be fine.  He was.  At least he wasn't bleeding. 

We got the carts into the building and I started stocking.  Ron started working on the sodas. 

We got it all done.  I had a hard time fitting everything onto the cart afterw…

Friday night special

I got up at 2:30 this morning and took my shower.  I did my God Time later. 

I got dressed and ate my protein bar, drinking my diet Mountain Dew.  I got Ron ready, too, and I fed the cats. 

Our ride came and we left for work.  We got there about 4:15 AM.  Good thing it's open 24/7 (if you have a security badge). 

We got to work.  I did snacks while Ron worked on canned sodas, which were, apparently, dead.  I finished up with snacks about the time he moved on to stocking the bottled vendor. 

But first we had our Dr Pepper delivery.  He came around 6 AM.  I had to go out to the loading dock, during "rush hour".  Trucks were flying by every few minutes.  Huge trucks.  The driver stood by his truck, unloading our order onto the cart I'd brought.  I about had the vapors when I tried to go out to him, my PTSD started screaming.  I don't like to be anywhere near "traffic" or where I could get hit by a vehicle, and it was a pretty risky spot.  It was also d…

Ron and his teeth

I try not to swear, but I swear... Ron and his teeth. 

I slept pretty good last night, got up, did my shower, God Time, etc., and then we went out to breakfast. 

During breakfast Ron spits out a filling into a napkin.  It was an old amalgram filling.  Probably 30-40 years old. 

It's interesting, growing up the other (step) kids always had a lot of dental troubles, and I had one cavity in my whole life before I turned 18.  Thank God He gave me good teeth. 

Ron, not so much.  Every year or so he has some sort of crisis and has to go to the dentist.  It doesn't help that he refuses to care for his teeth, either. 

My aunt called during breakfast so I told her what happened.  Ron got very upset that I used the term "spit" the tooth out.  He said he was a lot classier than that.  So I made up some euphemism that meant the same thing and said that, instead. 

We had a good ride home and I took a nap.  I had trouble sleeping and I had strange nightmares.  Generally I do…


I feel like it's unbiblical to say I'm proud of myself. 

But I don't have any regrets about how I handled myself today. 

Ron got pretty drunk last night, and was pretty rowdy, waking me up a few times.  It was kind of hopeless "reasoning" with him so I just endured. 

I got up at 5 AM and took a shower, and got ready.  I couldn't feed Biscuit his dry food because he was standing on the bucket.  I just fed them some wet food and they seemed fine with that.  Our vet wants us to feed mostly wet, anyway. 

We got picked up and went to the BBQ place.  It opened at 7, but we got there at 6:30.  Perils of paratransit. 

Ron wanted to take me to breakfast, and I figured, since I had taken him to the dentist twice in 3 days, I deserved it.  He got a drink and worked on that (diet soda) while I massacred my pancakes with cane syrup. I also got a side of bacon. 

It was very good, but we had a problem.  Ron had promised the office girls at the dentists' office he …

Not a good day

So, today. 

Another early wakeup, no cats cuddling in my bed this morning, though.  I got up and took my shower, did my God Time later. 

We went to work.  Work was challenging because Ron wanted me to pay some bills.  As you know, you have to make out the check, make sure you have the account number on it, etc. 

I told Ron, if I paid the bills I would not be able to help him.  He is accustomed to shouting for me, and having me drop everything to help him, whenever he wants. 

He kept bothering me.  I finally told him plainly: I can pay the bills, or I can help you.  Which do you want?  Because I am entirely prepared to put up the [bill paying stuff] if you ask me for help again. 

He KNEW I had to focus.  How can I keep doing the bills if he keeps bugging me, over stupid crap like "Is this a Dr Pepper?"  Ask a customer, they were everywhere.  If he really needed me to fetch him drinks, etc. he should have asked me to do it FIRST, then do the bills. 

He got all upset but …

Yet another post about the man who ran over Ron

I was helping Ron get the bottled water yesterday when someone came out of the conference room.  It was Roy, the guy who ran over Ron. 

He made some "joking" comments about how bossy I was (I had just told Ron it would be easier if I moved the water myself, because it didn't have a good plastic wrap).  I was mildly offended, but I didn't say anything. 

He asked if we were OK.  I looked at him, into his eyes, and said we were "OK". 

What I wanted to do was say "You put him in a wheelchair and now he's an alcoholic.  He can be incredibly verbally abusive to me and I worry about his safety." 

He kept asking if we were "alright", he wanted Ron to answer it.  I knew Ron had no idea who he was talking to.  Ron said he was fine.  He asked me again.  I said we were OK, {that's as far as I was willing to lie}. 

Of all the things I thought I would do, I never dreamed I would be consoling the man who ran over Ron.  Yet here I am, doing…

A trip to the dentist.

I am exhausted today. 

I slept OK considering #6 has left his side yard light on for the last couple nights.  It's on steadily, not going off and on.  It's probably easier for me to sleep like that than it would be if it kept "boinking" on and off. 

So, I got up at 5 AM.  Our pickup was 6:30.  I did my God Time later. 

I went to work with Ron.  We had to ride with "the teacher" again.  I don't like her much, for some reason.  For one, I don't think it's professional to gossip about your special needs students and their parents.  Two, she always drags a bunch of crap with her.  Three, she only talks about herself (I'm one to talk, huh?).  Fourth, she is an irresponsible pet owner who won't fix her cat. 

We dropped her at the school, and then we went to work.  We had the driver we had a while ago.  He was hired as an electrician's helper during the remodel so he thinks he knows everything about work, our business, how much money we…

Ron just scared the hell out of me

I went into his room to ask him for his dirty clothes. 

"Heather" he asked "How is the house laid out?"  What?  "Where is the bathroom, I can't remember." 

[censored]  Great, now we have to deal with dementia?  He truly couldn't recall the location of any room in the house. 

Figuring there was nothing I could do about it, I verbally told Ron the locations of all the rooms (not that we have that many) and went to do laundry. 

A couple of minutes later he told me he remembered, he thought of how I give Baby Girl a "ride" up the hallway to the kitchen, and that triggered his recollection. 

I hope he was just drunk and groggy from being asleep, but this scares he hell out of me.

Mutual benefit

I'm pretty tired today. 

Yesterday was long, too. 

Anyway, yesterday: I got up at 5.  I would have gotten up at 4 but Biscuit was in my bed, all cute, fat, and adorable.  I did my God Time later. 

We went to the warehouse.  I was able to buy what I considered to be "enough" snack products to sell.  I was glad I didn't get any Frito Lay kettle chips, they are under recall.  Salmonella.  I've had a run with salmonella and it was pretty miserable, the sickest I had been in a long time. 

I used to get pretty sick when I was a kid, always around Christmas, which I hated.  I would get the flu for weeks, and just when my stepmother thought she'd better take me to the hospital, I would make a miracle recovery.  It scared her to death. 

The last flu I got was 2006.  No, I don't get the shot.  It put both my siblings in the hospital. 

I believe in vaccines for tetanus, things like that.  I vaccinate my cats.  They are up to date on everything.  But don't …

Nothing is unfixable

Well, I got up this morning about 7, but went back to sleep for a while due to Biscuit, AND Torbie, being in my bed.  There is nothing better than sleeping with a cat, in my book. 

I got up a little after 8, still plenty of time, I figured, to get ready before Chuck took me to the bank and Walmart.  I wanted to ask a question about my account, and I also needed to buy some stuff. 

Ron gave me a rather long list.  I was surprised, but he needed Pepto, hygienic stuff, etc.  I was glad he was paying for the trip. 

He decided to pay Chuck to take me, rather than take a paratransit trip.  While I was in the shower, though, Chuck called Ron and said he was having a vertigo attack. 

He is having them a lot, lately. 

All he can do for them is take his medication and sleep for a while. 

Ron was upset, but decided to call me a cab, instead.  I did my God Time first, though. 

Ron called Lou, who came right at 10 AM.  We chatted on the way, and he dropped me off. 

I went to the bank and t…

"No more vodka for me, today"

I'm typing this to the yip-yap of #2's little dog, out in the sideyard right next to my computer room. 

I didn't sleep well last night, Ron fell down twice, at two different times, waking me up.  He got himself back to bed.  I don't dare help him if he falls when drunk because he gets violent.  Then he falls again anyway. 

So, I woke up exhausted.  We went to the warehouse to buy a couple cases of bottled water.  We got stuck there for an hour.  Paratransit wants at least a one hour layover for each trip. 

Our ride came to take us to work.  Against the rules, she refused to let me sit in the front seat.  The rules say I can sit in any empty seat I choose.  But she was one of those "I don't let people sit in the front seat unless I like them", people. 

I figured I didn't want to sit with her, either.  I figured out why she didn't let me sit up front when she started texting.  I don't know how she thought she would get away with it. 

She al…

Tooth #4

This morning, before we left, Ron was lecturing me about my weight and playing his diet book aloud.  I'm supposed to eat a primarily vegetarian diet, with lots of vegetables and starch. 

I don't think so.  I tried eating that way in California for a while.  1.  I was hungry all the time and 2.  I got fatter. 

I tried to tell Ron it wouldn't work but he saw it as me "not trying".  Lecturing me about my weight is not the way to go.  Tell me you're worried about my health.  ASK what you can do to help.  Offer to fix me a meal once in a while.  Help me eat a bag of salad mix.  Don't force me to listen to your talking diet book. 

So, after all that, we went to the dentist.  We had to wait over an hour because, I guess, they were overbooked.  He finally got to us.  He's a nice man. 

I gave him his treat and left him alone with Ron, and ran to my bank to make my deposit.  I have to make sure my health extortion, I mean insurance, goes through.  I also wa…

Making the habit is the hardest part

Sorry I didn't do a post yesterday, by the time I thought to do it, it was time for bed. 

I got up at 7:20 and went to Walmart yesterday, did some shopping, came home.  I didn't make my bank deposit because my brain froze and I couldn't remember the account number. 

We came home, I put my stuff away, and I took a nap.  I got a pretty good nap.  It was raining all yesterday morning but not very heavy.  The rain stopped during my nap. 

I got up, I had already done my God Time, and watched a little TV.  I had eaten something at Walmart and taken my pills. 

While at Walmart, I found some Reese's PB eggs on clearance from Easter (what does a peanut butter egg have to do with Jesus?).  I ate a couple, which are probably directly responsible for my headache today.  I remember thinking they would have been better chilled.  Maybe I will put the survivors into the fridge and eat one at a time. 

We are going to the dentist today, so I decided to go to bed early.  I went to b…


I got up at 4 AM today, but I had a problem.  The problem weighed about 14 pounds, gray and white, very cute and rumbly.  He was laying on my legs.  I reset the alarm and did my God Time later. 

After I had a good cuddle with Biscuit, I got up, fed him, and brushed my teeth.  I did my usual morning routine, glad I had shaved my legs yesterday. 

I got dressed, wearing one of my performance shirts.  I figured if it was going to rain, I might as well be prepared for it.  It didn't rain until about 6 PM. 

We went to work, and started stocking.  For a change, I "let" Ron have the big cart (the two smaller carts are loaded with inventory) so he could stock the bottled vendor.  It meant I had to wait on stocking "my" snacks, but it wasn't bad overall.  We needed 4 cases of water. 

One customer came up while Ron was stocking and asked if the water was cold.  We told him it was all cold.  In fact, I told him, sometimes people want a warm water and I can't pr…

Happy Easter!

I had a pretty quiet day today. 

I woke up around 8, ate my breakfast, and got the computer ready for the morning broadcast (sermon).  Ron had said he wanted to "watch" it. 

He decided he didn't.  Instead he was busy pitying my hormones because he is reading a book about the hormone diet.  He was so cute "If you're not allowed to eat meat, what are you supposed to eat?" 

I watched the sermon and did some internetting at the same time.  It's a good thing I'm already forgiven because I'm sure some would think I would burn in hell for that. 

I took my shower, then did my God Time.  I watched a little TV and took a nap. 

Surprisingly, it was quiet.  I slept pretty well and woke up with a headache.  I took some aspirin and tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. 

I got online again and then called my Dad.  He's coming to visit in a couple of weeks.  It should be a lot of fun. 

I am glad Dad is feeling better than he did last year, w…

That easy job


I got up at 4 AM, did my usual morning routine.  We went to the warehouse.  Ron bought so many cases of bottled drinks I didn't really have room for snacks.  I bought what I could, though. 

I was happy to see they had donut sticks, especially when I saw they already had sell by dates labeled on the package.  That saves me the trouble of making a label for them, and they're good long codes, over a month to sell them. 

They will sell a lot faster than that. 

I also got honeybuns.  Texans eat a lot of honeybuns, let me tell you.  They seem to like the brand I sell (Freshley's), and I've eaten them myself.  They are good and what I would call a good value, at $1. 

I checked out and bought myself a soda.  I drank it (diet decaf) while we waited on Jack.  I had to use the bathroom so I did that.  It looked cleaner than normal.  I guess the new manager is making sure it stays good looking. 

On the way back, I saw the Tylenol that Ron has been looking for.  I dec…

Torbie colored outfits

I got up at 2 AM.  Well, the alarm went off at 2, and I stayed in bed until 2:30. 

I got up and took my shower.  In the middle of my shower, Ron told me the ride was coming early, and I had 15 minutes.  I hurried up and made my exit. 

I put my wet hair back in a ponytail and wore my black capris with a black t-shirt.  I tend to wear a lot of black when I'm depressed.  In fact, you can pretty much tell my mood by my clothes: neutral = depressed.  Bright colors = normal or manic. 

We were ready on time and left for work.  We got there in a timely manner and got to work.  Snacks needed a fair amount of work, which I did.  Ron worked on canned sodas.  We got our soda delivery, it was our favorite guy. 

While getting him a sandwich, I realized the food machine had a coin jam.  I slammed the door and coins started falling on the ground.  Someone came and helped.  I didn't have the heart to tell him to wait, because once I opened the mechanism, we were going to see a lot more qua…

2 days in one, again

Sorry I didn't post yesterday, but it was pretty quiet.  We stayed home, I did 2 loads of laundry.  I got a nap. 

We went to walmart (not in that order), and I made my deposit. 

Today I slept in until about 8, woke up with a headache.  I fed Biscuit, then took some aspirin and went back to bed.  Biscuit showed his appreciation by getting into bed with me after he had eaten his breakfast.  He's a sweet boy. 

We slept in for a little longer, until the aspirin kicked in. 

I got up, finished the laundry (my new dryer takes forever to dry a load), took my shower, and did my God Time. 

I got online for a little bit. 

I took a nap and slept pretty restlessly.  I got up and watched a little more TV. 

Pretty depressed today, pretty bad headache.  Ron is also pretty depressed. 

I talked to Ron a little, and verified he had made the trips for tomorrow.  We have to get up very early to get our soda delivery. 

I hope to get to bed early tonight and sleep well.  Between my period c…

Fixed it!

I forget how I slept last night, but I reset my alarm to give me a little more time in bed this morning.  Biscuit climbed in with me and begged for his breakfast. 

Every depressed person should have a cat like Biscuit, they'll get you up every day. 

I took my pills and ate my protein bar, took my shower, etc.  We were going to work a little later so we missed rush hour. 

Interesting fact: #6's, six kids, are very noisy coming home from school, but very quiet going to school.  They seldom wake me up.  If I had to pick I'd have it that way. 

The husband/father of #6 was walking around in the yard, front and back, and whistling, after I got up.  I was glad it wasn't a day off because I would have been pissed that he woke me up. 

People, on both sides!  Don't realize!  I can hear them!  They talk, laugh, whistle, whatever, walking around right next to my house thinking they are invisible and unheard.  They're not. 

On the plus side, I do know whenever someone…

"It was raining by my house"

My internet has been really slow this afternoon.  That's aggravating.  I don't know if I have something on the computer or whether the ISP is just screwing up.  Normally, it's not this bad, so I'm going to go with ISP. 

At least I got my Bible study thread updated. 

Last night Ron made a big production out of telling me he would be having a drink at 8, but he would be able to work tomorrow.  That's like me saying I won't beat him up tomorrow. 

He's SUPPOSED to be sober. 

I'm SUPPOSED to keep my hands to myself (I would never hit Ron, because 1.  It's wrong and 2.  I'm not getting spousal abuse on my record and 3.  I don't want to go to prison). 

So.  I woke up this morning, really tired.  Torbie had slept with me, on and off.  She's a good girl and I love her but I wish she'd sleep by my head instead of my knee-foot area. 

Biscuit got on me when the alarm went off, he's always happy to wake me up.  I fed them and did my usu…