Wednesday and some of Thursday

 I didn't sleep great but I got up on time, went to work, stocked, waited for delivery man, got delivery, stocked nearly all of the delivery, took change out of vending machines and sorted it, put quarters back into bill changer.  Then home.  

It's going to rain the next couple days so I decided to run a load of laundry before I take a nap.  I don't like to have a lot of dirty clothes built up.  

One load down, another in the wash.  Ron is napping, and I did, but he yelled a lot in his sleep.  I had a very sweet dream about a guy taking me to the prom even though I was wearing a pink sweatsuit.  He was wearing a tux and very courteous to me.  It was nice.  

I haven't seen much of the cats even though it is raining.  I had a lot of orange juice today and have kind of an acid stomach as a result.  I plan to do at least some of my God Time in a minute.  

We had a few rain bands come through but nothing too alarming.  

And a porch pirate got my tablet cover.  Jerks.  Now I have to go file a claim.  Oh, maybe not.  WHEW.  No it was an old notification on my phone from when they brought the Bible cover.  OOH I was mad I said some bad words.  

I did get it, I like it a lot.  Still getting in the habit of using my tablet vs. desktop but everything works.  It is nice I can download my Bible reading books and go through them on the tablet vs. my standard large stack of hardcopy books.  The hard copy books wear out with use, so I'm starting to lean towards the e-books.  I can always download a new copy from Amazon if I run into trouble.  

Then I had the whole Ron excitement of "I can't pee, well I can but not very well" so I had to make a run to Walmart for his prostate "I don't need it anymore" medicine.  Walmart pharmacy was awesome and had it ready in 30 minutes, at 4 PM on a weekday during the holidays.  They are getting a high review when I get my survey today.  I was very appreciative and they laughed a little but liked having a fan.  

Jack took me (I told him I could get a Uber if he wanted to stay home) and even offered to wait so of course I just ran in and out.  I did find some more of the disposable bed pads and a bottle of rubbing alcohol so I got them.  But I ran right out.  

I found someone's keys so I had to give them to an employee, it was a key fob set and those, according to Jack, run about $200.  That was absolutely the right call and I would have felt terrible had I not returned them to a store employee.  

I'll be honest, I totally forgot about 5 PM pill time until the alarm went off but we were almost home by then.  So I ran in the house and shoved it all at Ron, didn't go over too well.  But he did take it all including the bladder pill which he was demanding (I would, too).  

Bladder pill, one month, costs more than a month of 4 prescriptions for me.  OUCH.  Now I should have done this before dosing Ron but I looked up the meds on drugs.com interactions checker.  Very nice feature.  And there were no interactions.  I figured the Walmart computer would have alerted the pharmacist had there been one.  It sure freaked out when I wanted Motrin 800 after my root canal.  I had to sign something in order to get it.  

So he's dosed, it's not going to kill him.  I worked a little on the computer and went to bed.  

Ron is good, he needed a little help just now.  He was dropping his small radio pretty often so I tied a leash from it to the bed frame.  He loves that.  He often tangles up his headphones in that cord so I had to untangle it.  He was really impressed with my speed.  

Funny because my hands were shaking pretty bad today with the tremor.  I could barely drink my coffee.  Oh, Baby Girl, that is a vicious turd... litter box is right near my computer area (actually 3 of them) so I will note and change as needed.  

That's it for now.  

What day is it? Oh, Tuesday

 I had trouble falling asleep last night and then woke up at 1.  I couldn't fall back asleep until 3 (I got up).  I got up around 7 and got ready for work.  Ron was asleep when I left so I didn't wake him.  

We went to the warehouse; they had cat treats so I grabbed some.  NO Coke cans, again.  It is crazy.  I got what I could.  

Sam's club has these touchpads if you make a tax-exempt purchase.  I am very disciplined in only exempting work purchases, for instance, I paid sales tax on the cat treats and some bottled drinks for us to work on as we went to work.  Anyway this pad was messed up and I had a horrible time signing.  

We went to work, I got the carts, we unloaded, I went in and stocked.  One of my snack machines has a horrific coin jam, the repairman (thank God I can afford him) is coming out Monday.  I have learned to pick my battles.  A new coin mech is I believe is at minimum a few hundred dollars, a repair is $75, better to have the repair.  

I am angry because I am pretty sure it is the guy I had a talk with - he had put a 50 cent piece into the machine and then half destroyed the machine trying to "get it back" and very irate when he saw me.  I told him he had cost me over a hundred dollars and I would give him two quarters back.  "I want my 50 cent piece" "So you can put it back in the machine?  No.  50 cent pieces do not work in the vending machines.  Do not ever use them again."  And here someone has.  If it is the same guy I am going to talk to his supervisor about making him pay for the repair.  We can't afford to keep shoveling money into the machine because they want to lash out at an authority figure and see us as a "safe" target.  

Anyway, I will deal with that on Monday.  It will be my job, tomorrow, to act blase about it.  "Oh, it's down, so what..."  Because if they are doing this to get a response I don't want to feed that behavior.  The repairman is a good guy and can use the money.  

I stocked what I could.  But I have to wonder about the average person and reading comprehension.  I had a note up on the bottled vendor "WATER COLD.  OTHER DRINKS COLD AFTER 5 PM TUESDAY"  And a guy bought a Coke, upset it wasn't cold.  "Didn't you read the note?"  "Yes"  "What did you take it to mean?"  He read it again, very slowly, looked at the drink in his hand "OH!"  Yeah.  And I don't think it is just my population.  It is more than a little frightening.  He still wanted the drink.  

If I ever get home health in here I will not anticipate leaving a lot of notes, seeing how the average person processes them.  Finished up at work, called Jack.  

Mrs. Jack was upset at him she felt he was taking advantage of my good nature.  I clarified and told him to let her know I was fine, if I had a problem I would tell him.  We went to Little Cesar's after work and I asked what they had, regular breadstick, stuffed cheesy breadsticks (sold!), and pepperoni pizza.  That sounded good so I got the stuffed sticks and the pizza.  It only came to $9.  Not bad at all.  I came home.  

Ron was awake and said hello but not super cuddly today.  The cats were happy to see the treats.  I ate some breadsticks, fed some to Ron, ate a slice of pizza and took my pills.  Plenty of pizza left. I took a nap and woke up with a headache but I had some orange juice and that helped.  

Biscuit recognizes a gallon jug and gets very excited when it comes out of the fridge.  Even if it is orange juice.  He has figured out I don't have any milk and has stopped begging every time he sees the juice.  Poor baby.  The juice did help, though.  

I have Dr Pepper coming early tomorrow.  Oh, a side note.  I noticed my jar of "smooth tasting" (says several times on label) plant protein (mainly pea protein) sitting on the counter.  This morning?  I had donuts.  I could get a dozen for $2 at Walmart so I did that, they were the cake variety which I like.  I can have the plant protein on my day off.  I am just scared it will be awful and then I have to go to work queasy or whatever.  

So tomorrow I go to work early.  I did what I could for snacks, and bottle drinks, so I will really only have canned drinks and not even Coke out of that.  Hopefully I will get the majority of what I ordered.  

That's it for now.  

Monday

 I slept OK but woke up exhausted.  This seems to be the new depression manifestation.  Not much fun.  

I got ready for work, Ron needed last minute stuff but I got him settled before I left.  I went to work.  

Work was pretty unremarkable save a few things I will mention: the other vendor's guys borrowed my hand cart.  I didn't care about that (would prefer they clean the handle before putting it back), but they put it back "wrong" causing a huge jam up of 3 carts it took a couple minutes to extricate, then the guy got an attitude with me because I was "in the way".  If he had put it back the way he found it I would have been out of there in seconds.  But I imagine it's a lot like a roommate situation you have to pick your battles carefully and this is not a battle.  Just a slow annoyance now and then.  I am actually OK if they borrow it because they do let me use their dumpsters.  I just wish they would put it back with the plate at the bottom under the other cart the way I store it.  

I was told at work a lot of people are out sick and to "be careful".  I was, lots of hand washing and I didn't even touch the mask until I was out of there.  

Jack couldn't help me after dropping me at work so I hailed a Uber.  Not very much (about what I have been paying Jack) to take me to the "good" bank by the Walmart.  So I did that, did my transaction.  I forgot to trade in the $5's for something larger but I can work with that.  

I had enough to buy soda and go to Sam's Club, and a little left for groceries.  So I walked over to the Walmart.  It was pretty crowded, more than I like.  Shopping was pretty uneventful I did notice very low baby formula which would be upsetting if I had an infant.  As things stood for me, they had the Iams Urinary care formula in the 7 pound bag so I was "fine".  They did not have the disposable bed pads which was frustrating.  They had every kind of adult diaper imaginable in every possible size, but no bed pads.  Well they had some from Depends but they were $1 a pad.  I already get a lot of other home care stuff so I can't afford name brands.  It's a shame because these things (the store brand) soak up tons of liquid one time Ron spilled a bottle of vodka and it soaked up a couple of cups.  So a little disappointing but you could say my fault because the truck comes in Monday night, so I shopped at their lowest inventory level and right after a major holiday at that.  They did have wet wipes.  

I had to get some more of the stool softener capsules and it was a very confusing layout.  Maybe I am just dumb today but I couldn't figure out the display until I prayed.  Then I found the giant bottle I was seeking for $10.  That will hold Ron for quite a while.  

Oh, and last night I almost got into our stash of constipation products because I was horribly backed up with cramps.  But I tried some decaf coffee and that got things going again.  Apparently I really do need some coffee every day.  But it was nice to know we had them.  

That's why I got the Colace because it has worked for Ron and isn't extreme in it's action.  

I read something interesting in my menopause group, a woman was saying she had very good results with upping her protein, it made her hair grow in thicker.  That actually makes a lot of sense so I was very interested.  I found a pea protein blend by Walmart and I got that.  I don't expect it to be "smooth" but if I can gag it down, great.  Pea proteins are pretty grim but they fill me up AMAZINGLY so great first thing, and of course more protein (high quality) will only help my immune system.  

I had a long wait in line.  One young man was angry about waiting in line and cut on the line next to me, saying "I can't be looking to see..." (meaning he couldn't be bothered to turn his head to see if the line continued across the little gap the waiting shoppers had left for traffic).  He just shoved into the gap.  He was with, looked like a grandmother, and she made him move but the other shoppers were NOT happy.  

I had a pretty short wait on my Uber.  Now you may have heard the old southern tradition of eating Black Eyed Peas for "good luck" on New Year's day.  Eating cooked greens is supposed to bring money, the peas bring good luck.  Everyone on Facebook has been saying they would fix peas this year.  So I bought 2 cans, one for me, one for the Uber.  

She was from out of state, you should have seen her face as I explained.  But she took it!  A quick ride home and I put everything away, took off my clothes, showered, then dealt with Ron (nothing pressing).  I have some good things to eat this week, and more cat food.  I couldn't get the disposable pads but I will be OK.  

I got on the computer for a while while my hair dried (I don't have a dryer) and a short nap with Biscuit and Torbie.  Biscuit hogged most of the bed but I still managed to fall asleep.  

Ron was very cranky at pill time, I called him on it, he apologized immediately.  He is good about that.  He took his pills, after I finish this post I will take mine.  

My hives have been better so it may have been the herbs I was taking.  Happily I am OK with the immunity herbs.  

That's it for now.  

Edit: checked the mail, got the gift cards!  I won't have to cook all week!  👍  Thank you!  

Well, that was a nice surprise.

 Yesterday my adoptive Mom asked if I had gotten "the card" from my stepsister.  

I should probably clarify the food chain.  Older half brother, 17 years older than me, in contact.  Older half sister, 16 years older, not in contact by my choice.  Older stepsister, 5 years older (the one in this post), older stepbrother (2 years older), younger stepbrother (3 years younger).  So that's the whole roster.  

So this one and I were not exactly close 5 years is a big gap for girls, and she didn't agree with my Dad much (that resolved when she had her own child).  I was always a Daddy's girl.  Anyway we aren't distant like the half sister but not super close either.  I don't have her phone number or email.  

So I wasn't surprised to get a card, but was surprised to get a gift card.  A tasty one, too.  I will have a lot of fun at Amazon, I can get a couple of things I have been eyeing and have enough left for a bag of coffee.  I will think about it a while first, though.  

I honestly did not expect it to be a good gift year because the economy is trashed.  But I was wrong!  

Saturday morning

Slept OK.   Up at 3:30, my phone said (I play an audio track of a dryer) I got about 7:30 hours sleep, so not bad.  Maybe I just need a little less sleep these days.  

I was WIDE awake so I got up, did my God time, etc.  Pretty unremarkable day.  

I did ask Ron some of the questions I have developed and he said he wants to stay in bed he feels "safe" there.  I didn't ask him where he sees himself in 6 months but it is a good question I will ask.  

He said he wanted me to fix him something I had before, he described something that sounded very like cream of chicken soup.  I am stumped because I have never had cream of anything in my house.  I do have a stash of chicken soups.  

Note on that, he had some sort of vomiting illness a few years back, one of those 12 hour bugs.  He wanted chicken soup as he got better and I didn't have any, so the next time I went to the store I bought half a dozen cans of various types.  

Now when I was sick as a child I was given the chicken noodle soup with the microscopic bits of chicken in a yellow, flavorless, broth.  I hated that stuff.  I always know when I'm sick because my appetite is first to go and my adoptive mom was always pushing me to eat the soup, would take it back and rewarm it later on, the same damned bowl for days on end.  So I didn't get any of that it will be a COLD day before I have that in my house.  

But I did get some chicken and rice. Ron said he would like to try that so we did half a can.  I was impressed, it had a lot of rice and would be great for recovery.  I will get a few more cans next time I go to the store.  That helped but Ron did ask if I could make a grilled cheese.  

I had the supplies on hand 👍 so I made one each for us.  His was a little well done but he didn't mind.  Biscuit went nuts when he saw the cheese in my hand (American) he begged and begged until I let him smell it and determine that no, it was not cheddar.  Normally I don't eat until after 11 and it was only 8 but one day won't kill me.  

I also tried (not at the same time that would have been horrible heartburn) the Cafe Bustello.  I bought the brick and put it in my empty can of decaf store brand (with a label).  It was pretty good, it had nice soft, fine, grounds, which I like, smelled good, had a strong flavor.  I am not a connoisseur but I will drink it up and may buy more.  I have some other coffees including the Walmart brand French Roast to try, but worst case I can always go back to Seattle's Best that is very good coffee (I have tried the French Roast, and the decaf).  I have found I really enjoy a very dark coffee.  That is easy to satisfy.  It has been pretty difficult to find a good, darker roast, decaf but I am doing pretty well with Community Coffee and Seattle's Best for that.  

Oh, a funny note, I talked to my brother yesterday.  He is doing well.  We got to talking about food and he says he hates pork in any form.  OOOPS.  I had put a can of pulled pork in his goodie box.  "But I love fish" so I took out the pork and put in a can of kippered herring.  He doesn't have a fridge right now (come on stimulus!) so everything has to come out of a can, basically.  I wish I could just buy him one but I have, "like" $25 in my account.  Compounding this he is type one diabetic which shoots my risk very high (Dad is not his father, so I have risk on both sides) I am really thinking about what I put in my mouth, let me tell you.  

Oh, and I got hives last night, I think from the French Vanilla.  That is the only thing I did differently although Ron made a good point it could be the herbs I take.  So no herbs today.  Hives aren't too bad but remind me of my misery back in 2009.  

NOTHING like that thank God.  Just a couple of very itchy welts.  If it gets bad I actually still have some steroid cream, I found it when I was organizing and kept it because I do get hives occasionally.  And it's not going to fail my liver if it's expired, it just won't help.  

I have had a problem doing my God Time.  I like to sit on a folding chair in the orange room (formerly computer room, aka "office") and read my devotionals and daily Bible stuff.  I have various things going at any given time but right now a Bible Study on Genesis, two Daily Bibles (laid out differently), "Project World" prayer guide, and some devotionals.  The reading works fine I have a little table basically I made out of stackable storage totes.  I would like to get the clear ones, though, the pink kind of clashes with the orange (side note).  But I have a big notebook full of prayer requests - a binder - and it is a little hard to balance in my lap.  So today I moved out to the kitchen table and that worked pretty well.  I think I will do that every day.  It is foolish to get a table for the room if there is another table literally 10 feet away.  It is basically my scrapbook I have photos and such stuffed in there alone with my notes.  

Some churches provide 4x6 photos of their missionaries with a few facts and then a nice shot of the family together on location.  I pick those up whenever I can and stick them in my book (I have photo pages for just this) and then I can pray more directly.  Don't get me wrong, everyone (including you) gets prayed for daily but I like to focus a little if it works out.  Voice of the Martyrs also sent me a photo of a "front line worker" and his family he is a secret missionary basically.  They asked me not to disseminate the photo for that reason so he won't get arrested.  So he's in there too.  The binder is probably one of my most cherished possessions.  I have cried many a tear over that binder.  

The binders never last long but there is always a new binder, the pages, most of them, have been in there for well over 10 years now.  I have them in sheet protectors.  

That's it for now.  

People hear what they want to hear

 I called my brother, went to voicemail, left a nice message.  Called my parents.  Pretty typical phone call (they got the money) until the end.  

My parents were talking about "my" church and "how nice" it was.  "The one you took us to"

Oh, I thought, you mean the one where the pastor called me a DRUG ADDICT, a SINNER, and worse.  I will give him the comments on the blog, writing everything is controversial.  I will give him his comments on me being a prepper (called a "hoarder" and worse, implied I had no faith in God to sustain me) because being prepared (how I see it) is also controversial at times.  

But to call a mentally ill, bipolar, suicidally depressed, hallucinating and delusional woman an ADDICT and a SINNER... for taking my prescribed medication AS DIRECTED.  I have told them (parents) this, they always say oh how awful and forget about it the minute they hang up.  You couldn't PAY me to go back to the church unless I heard they had a new pastor.  And again with the comments on me not trusting God...

COLD day before I go back.  I am glad they helped with the home repairs but I did a LOT of evangelism in places they had NEVER ventured, handing out THEIR Bibles they couldn't do themselves.  So I don't feel obligated.  

My parents (birth) had some conflict over faith at my birth and my Dad "won" I am a Presbyterian.  I told them about a Presbyterian church near my home so they are checking that out.  I will be happy to take them there.  It is a larger church and I liked the pastor on Facebook, he does daily messages that seem in line with the Bible.  

I just want them to have my back.  Now, if I am breaking God's law I want to be held accountable.  But I do my best to walk the line and repent when I do screw up.  Don't stone me because you (he admitted during a sermon) had problems with anxiety drugs.  

God has led me to pray for that entire church to be delivered from false doctrine so it doesn't seem things have gotten much better since I left.  

Christmas afternoon

 Figuring out the new tablet.  So far it works well and has a nice little speaker.  I had guessed I might get this so had already picked out a case; that, thanks to my secret pal, only cost me $1.89.  The new coffee smells divine I have a feeling I will be drinking a lot.  

Ron had some of his Arby's but I'm not hungry yet.  My French Vanilla powder was so good I had a couple mugs and broke out in one, singular, hive.  So I guess that means I can only have one mug at a time.  I will eat my Arby's when I get hungry.  

Ron is sleeping now.  I am inclined to let him.  He did wake up a little confused but once he woke up all the way he was fine.  I am just chalking it up to a senior moment, this is actually very common based on my caregiver group.  

Nice to have a group I can consult with; what is the best product for ____?   What is the best way to?  Stuff like that or even just some old fashioned bitching why did he spill his dinner in bed AFTER I just changed the sheets?  (didn't happen just a for instance)

I tried to take a nap, couldn't.  I will call my family after Ron wakes up I don't want to wake him up talking (it is a very small house).  My brother did text me this morning which I thought was sweet.  So I will call him, and then my Dad.  Everyone is being smart and avoiding large gatherings.  

I think I'll watch a little TV.  

Well, they didn't have a party *next door*...

 Imagine my joy when 8 PM came and went with no signs of a party.  I would get some sleep.  I went to bed around 9.  Then the other neighbors (down the street, I think) started up with the loud Mexican polka.  

[cursing]  That went until 3:30 AM.  I had to get up at 5 to give Ron his pills, but I hit the off button by accident and not the snooze, on my alarm.  I was about an hour late (they said 2x a day but I like to do every 12 hours, he is fine).  Not a good way to start the day!  

So I opened my presents, I got a nice little tablet I hope to use for Zoom calls with my parents.  I also got some delicious decaf coffee and a Bible cover.  Ron got another massager and a new radio, which was well timed as he broke his old one last night.  He was very happy to see them.  

So I thought time for a very Merry Christmas and opened up the can of Turkey dinner canned cat food.  Biscuit came running, and Torbie, and they ate the entire thing.  The other cats are like, "What?"  And now I feel terrible they didn't get a Christmas dinner.  Moral: get TWO cans next year.  Sorry, guys.  

I do feel like a terrible mother but if that is the worst thing that happens.  

Ron got a bottle of vodka for Christmas he is enjoying that.   I got Arby's yesterday (delivered) for dinner tonight.  Nothing more depressing than looking in your pantry for Christmas dinner when there's only 2 of you.  

One thing I need to do, I am really craving ham.  I might buy a little chopped ham and cook it for us.  Put some brown sugar and cloves on it...yum.  Of course the stores are closed today (as they should) but maybe next week, do it for new year's.  

I am going to try to take a nap so I don't get too manic.  I have calls to make later.  

Edit: I had enough left on the gift card I only paid $1.89 for a tablet cover.  👍

Thursday evening

 Oh, I don't feel well.  Not virus sick or anything I think it is side effects of my medication.  Sometimes it gets me like this, not very often lately.  I used to have a lot of problems when I started or would have an adjustment to medication.  

I feel lightheaded and heavy at the same time, a little dizzy, is how I would describe it.  One time I had to shove Ron (he was holding onto me and walking) into a parked car because I was about to pass out.  It's not fun but it won't kill me or infect Ron.  

Like Doc says, there are side effects (this) and the ones that will kill you (not this).  It is the price I pay for being fit for society.  Overall, though, I have very few side effects.  I won't complain but it is definitely impacting my day.  

Glad I don't have to stock a vending machine!  

The cats are good Baby Girl is with Ron, Torbie and Cleo got in my lap for a while (not at the same time), Biscuit took a nap with me while Spotty lay on the floor next to the bed.  

I checked my blood sugar and blood pressure it is fine.  Not going to worry about it.  Oh, it is almost pill time for Ron.   Done that.  

Oooh I just don't feel well.  I am not "sick" this is just the price I pay and been here many nights before.  I hope society enjoys the price I pay for sanity.  

Christmas eve morning

 I slept OK last night but woke up with a migraine.  Not much fun; but the Excedrin has done a pretty good job so far.  Ron finally pooped and boy did he.  He is empty 😂 now.  I got him cleaned up he is fresh as a daisy now.  

I am running a load of laundry and that should go in the dryer in about 20 minutes, then a load of clothes I think.  That is all I plan to do for Christmas eve.  I did my God Time, that's accomplished.  I took out the trash and fed the cats.  Not bad considering the vicious headache I had.  

It is still around but subdued for now.  I may need to take something for it.  I am glad I fattened up my Walmart delivery with some Diet Dews... I am not up for coffee today.  

They brought almost everything, but did not bring the Queso chips 😕 or a few other things.  But they did bring the Miralax which as it turns out we didn't need, didn't bring the chocolate milk but we didn't need that either.  We did a lot of products the last couple days I wonder if one of them did it or all together.  But I could use a salty, crunchy, snack right now (I do have pretzels if I get desperate).  

Party tonight, I have asked God to give me a good attitude toward it.  It will be cold and windy which should help keep the racket down.  

I even restocked the wet wipes, I got the box and then refill it as needed from the refill pack.  Boy everyone is pooping today, all the cats are going crazy for the litter today.  It is cold out so I can see that, and I just cleaned it so they're fresh, or were.  😂  Hopefully Ron can get some sleep before the party, he is snoring right now.  

That's it for now.  

Wednesday

 I went to sleep OK but woke up at 2, got up for a while, went back to bed around 3.  Ron was up; we talked a little.  I hate it when my sleep's messed up.  I got up at 5 for pill time and went back to bed until 8.  

I heated up my coffee (I have it on a timer and it turns off 30 minutes after it brews), took my shower, did my God Time, took care of Ron.  I thought about it some and asked Ron if he wanted some Miralax.  He thought about it for a while and said yes, so I made a Walmart delivery order.  I also added some chocolate milk because he is lactose intolerant and that will get things moving if anything.  

It can't hurt.  So I have that coming in half an hour/hour or so.  They still had slots available for today I was impressed.  I had a little trouble checking out, it wanted to charge me (I am a plus member and therefore free), once I fixed that it said "OH you want substitutions!" so I will see what I get.  

I tried to take a nap but couldn't, my sleep is jacked up.  And I am being careful with caffeine.  I think it is a combination of PMS and depression.  

So we will see.  Ron did eat a good dinner which is good.  My fancy coffee came and I put it under the tree.  I think it will be more fun like that.  

I want to have a big pity party but that won't do any good.  I will focus on the positive as usual.  

I am also doing (my) laundry.  The cats are coming home with muddy paws and jumping right up in my bed.  I am choosing to see that as "cute".  After all, my bed is right next to the cat door.  

That's it for now.  

I guess Monday wiped me out so here is Monday and Tuesday

 Yesterday I got up, went to work, took out the money, went to the bank, converted it into $20's, and went to Walmart.  

No, I didn't spend what I had changed but a modest amount I had leftover from my pay.  I did deposit a gift from my aunt, though, at my bank on the way.  

 I vaguely remember hitting my arm a day or two ago and thinking "That'll leave a mark" and it did... it doesn't hurt though but looks pretty bad.  So I wore a hoodie yesterday and today because I don't need people making assumptions.  I think it was moving my folding cart...not sure though.  

I also bang my legs occasionally but people don't generally look at my legs so I don't worry about that.  So, I went to Walmart, had fun.  For a treat I bought some real cream to put in our coffee.  Ron likes it too.  

I came home, put everything away, officially tired... had to do home care but not much.  And take care of the cats.  Which I did cheerfully.  I tried to take a nap but couldn't.  The present arrived, the Bible cover I had bought myself, it works very well.  I still had plenty of money left on the card (more on that in a minute).  

I got some sugar free chocolate to address Ron's ongoing, or not going, problem.  I know for me the sugar free chocolates had a lot of activity after consumption.  He ate one yesterday with seeming no affect.  But we are going to be careful with these things.  I only got the small bag anyway.  

I went to bed.  Woke up pretty depressed and had a horrible time getting up, but had to work today because it's going to be cold and rain tomorrow. I am not making ANYONE go out in that.  

So I got ready.  I took care of Ron and the cats.  We went to Sam's.  I did my shopping.  I even had a little money left.  We went to work, unloaded, I stocked.  That took a while but the machines looked good when I left.  I could have used canned Coke but they didn't have any.  

I called Jack to come home from work, he was a while coming but I figured he got stuck in traffic.  He called after a while and explained he had lost his keys.  I was just happy he and the truck were OK.  I hit a drive through on the way.  

Ron was in good spirits and had done fine, except for losing the bed pan (he didn't need it, thank God).  I took care of him and the cats, returned the bed pan. 😂 I tried to take a nap and couldn't sleep.  Ron wanted some decaf coffee so I made a pot and we drank some.  I really like the Seattle's Best Post Alley (French Roast) blend so I thought I need more decaf let's see what Seattle's Best does with decaf.  I read the description it sounded tasty and only $5.  I had way more than that left on the gift card.  So I got that, too.  (Bible cover and fancy coffee so far), even better it should arrive tomorrow.  

Today at work, waiting outside, people kept driving up trying to mail packages.  First of all, it doesn't do "intake" from the public.  Second, the 22nd is way too late to ship something for Christmas.  They will be lucky to get it by New Years.  Third, I am hearing a lot of horror stories about packages going all over the country, getting damaged, lost, etc. so I wouldn't want to ship right now (and I'm not, my gifts are going out after New Year).  

But Amazon is getting stuff there right when they say.  Well worth the $120 I will have to pay in a couple of weeks.  Don't get me wrong I am happy to do it.  

I did do my God Time after I got home.  👍

So I plan to go to bed shortly, here's to hoping I get a good night of sleep.  

So I went to church and even took communion

 Not a big secret I am a confirmed Presbyterian, from a long line of same.  My mother was not but acquiesced when my Dad insisted.  I feel most comfortable with them.  

My aunt and uncle are also Presbyterians. They invited me to services and then lunch; sounded fun. They came to the house, said hi to Ron, and we left.  We went to their house for a little bit and then church.  

I was not out of place in jeans and a t-shirt, although many were nicer dressed.  I just don't have church clothes hasn't been a big priority.  I have a site bookmarked that does have some appropriate dresses should I start attending more often.  Since I am a 3x it can be a little difficult to find cute and appropriate things.  

Anyway, nice people, good distancing.  They had a policy you could wear a mask or not, up to you.  I wore mine.  That worked fine until we started singing.  My masks have several layers of fabric and I got out of breath pretty quickly.  I realized I could not sing every line.  But I wanted to sing.  So I sang a line, took some deep breaths, skipped a line, and sang the next.  It worked.  God understood.  The last thing I wanted to do was pass out and hit my head.  

Good sermon.  Not quite the "rock star" of my last church but no one was pointing fingers and calling me a sinner for taking my antipsychotics, either.  I called it a win.  They were all very nice, and I liked the order and length.  Long enough I felt like I went to church but not so long I felt like I wanted to look at my watch.  

They did communion, I took off my mask for that.  After we finished I put it right back.  

They voted on an elder, and a deacon (they're in) and we left.  We went to get BBQ.  It was pretty busy at the restaurant and they had seating, but we got it to go and took it to their house.  I got a brisket sandwich I wasn't super hungry.  We had a good meal.  

When asked how Ron is doing, I was honest and focused on the positive aspects: he is very appreciative, he is very committed to taking his pills, etc.  My uncle was a little taken aback by the commode chair and asked a few questions.  

Ron did say it was OK (direct quote "I don't know these people in real life") he has been having some issues with constipation which did NOT come up during the meal.  He is doing well we made a few lifestyle changes. But it has been an issue this week and one I did not discuss.  

I am really striving to focus, and more importantly, discuss, positive things in my life and not be a negative person going on and on and on - as I have done in the past. I didn't really think about it but I was glad to see that's how it flowed.  Because there is always something positive to focus on.  

We came home, I covered Ron up and made him "decent".   My uncle talked to him some more.  I talked to my aunt, who happily hauled of the 50 unwanted postal boxes.  We had a good time, they left.  

They got a good look at Ron and got to see he was OK, although my uncle is concerned Ron is a little puffy in his face.  I think it is a combination of the beard (I need to trim it) and lying down in bed, if he sat up I am sure his face would have looked thinner.  

Am I going to worry about it?  No.  I have enough on my plate.  

I dropped a pint of bbq sauce in the kitchen so I had to clean that up with my towels, I went ahead and washed a load of ALL towels.  I didn't use the washing soda, et al because it can be irritating to skin and I use them for drying off (most of them).  I didn't want that, but it looks like the Tide alone did a good job of getting the sauce out.  

We'll see in a minute, I did an extra rinse with some vinegar (it makes the towels fluffier and more absorbent).  I may run a load of clothes after that.  Yes, I did, and yes, the Tide got the stains.  Good stuff.  Good washer!  

I am really glad I got to keep my washer and dryer out of all the mayhem last year.  God helped me pick a good pair.  

Ron sounded really good - oh, I forgot to share this.  With churches now they ask you to silence your phone.  I have this nice do not disturb mode so I set it for that.  After church I saw Ron had called; I had forgotten to tell him I would have to turn off my phone during the service, for obvious reasons.  So I called him back, he sounded really good and upbeat.  He never makes me feel bad about leaving him and I think he enjoys the break.  

When I got home Cleo was in one of her spots, the bottom shelf of the cat tree between the couch and the wall.  She came out and actually approached my aunt very carefully - and Cleo is very timid about strangers.  My aunt is really more what I would term "cat neutral" not a big fan but doesn't hate them.  Cats pick that up she is not going to want kisses or run them off.... so they tend to check her out.  If my aunt didn't have grandkids they would be a perfect match.  

Although I remember it was about a year ago I woke up there was Cleo in my bed.  She makes her own calls.  She is so cute when she gets on the couch and shoves her little butt in my face. 

And a last thought I believe Ron is going to be one of the most happy people at the rapture.  He will finally be free of his many physical issues and finally free.  I think that is one reason he gets so depressed when he talks about his death experience (he was dead for 10 minutes), he talks about the peace, the freedom, the lack of fear and looks like he wants to weep when he contemplates living on Earth instead.  

Don't get me wrong, I will be glad to be free of my "shackles", too, but I have to think he will be happier.  

Saturday night

 Well, I did a fair job of changing the bed with Ron in it but he said next time he will sit in a chair.  I had a pretty good nap with CLEO!  She is so much fun.  Her love is not easily given but once she decided to love me she loves me 100%.  

Ron and I also discussed getting a shampoo basin for him.  It is inflatable, you fill it with air and it's like the sink at the hair salon,  I can wash his hair in bed.  He seemed excited about that, I will get him one after New Years.  

And, after a lot of thought, I got myself a nice Bible cover with some of the Amazon card.  The Bible should fit very nicely.  One thing I did at Dollar Tree, I found these little stick on arrow markers.  You generally see those "sign here" on a legal document.  I got some to flag important (to me) bible verses, like Psalm 71 and most of Matthew 6.  Last night I sat down with my Bibles, the Daily Bible (I have had that for over 20 years) and the "newer" NKJV Bible I have had about 5 years, and highlighted and flagged all the verses I could find from the older Bible.  I like to have a marked up Bible with easy to find encouragement/teaching verses.  But, twice now, I have had a person presented to me by God who very clearly needed a Bible when I did not have money or "extra" Bibles, so I gave them my Bible.  One had a fast growing, fatal, brain tumor, the other had been in a horrific accident.  So of course I gave these guys my personal Bible.  But when I did I lost all the work I had done, and had to start again.  😂  I find it funny how, just when I've got the Bible how I want it, someone needs it.  But that makes it easy for the new owner to find all these great verses.  In both cases the men died eventually so they really needed it.  

However I have 5 cases of Bibles in the garage so probably won't happen soon. 

So that keeps me busy.  The plan is to keep this "basic" Bible next to my "specialty" (daily reader) Bibles and mark it up as I read through the Bible every year.  I have 2 Bibles just to read through the Bible every year.  One is the "Daily Bible" some Old and New testament every day, some Psalms, and a Proverb or two.  The other goes through it in chronological order (I requested it as a gift from my parents).  If I do it right that means I read through the Bible twice a year, which is awesome.  I will admit I skim a lot of the "how the temple should be laid out and how many figs on the lampstand" stuff, and the genealogy stuff.  Although it is interesting to note a Moabite (hated by the Israelites), a prostitute, and a rape victim are all in the line of descent for Jesus. God can and will use anyone.  

So I am looking forward to the cover it even has a pocket I can put my little stick ons into, along with a few pens. I am very fond of my "basic" Bible, it is giant print, words of Jesus in red, hardcover, New King James which is my favorite translation.  If I'm ambitious I will get some fabric protector spray and do up the Bible cover before I put the Bible in (spray, let dry, install Bible).  

I could probably use another eye exam I notice I am having more trouble with small print.  Like on medicine bottles.  I have a pocket size magnifier but I would hope I would not need that in my 40's!   So I may need to save up for that. America's Best is not expensive, though, compared to the other guys.  

I am going to get ready and then do my God Time, my aunt and uncle are coming to take me to church and then lunch.  It should be fun. I have a gift bag for them.  

I like what I did with that, I got what I think is an attractive reusable bag from the store and put the gifts in that, that way they can keep using it for a while.  I always feel bad throwing away the wrappers on my gifts.  

That's it for now.  

Saturday morning

 I play some dangerous games.  Like eating peanut butter.  Maybe I'll get a headache; maybe not.  God only knows until I eat it.  

So a bad headache yesterday afternoon up to today (still going). I didn't sleep great as a result.  I slept I just hurt while I slept.  

Ron had his issue which took it's time resolving (is OK now but it's an ongoing issue, I will see if I can talk about it later).  I woke up at 5, pill time.  I had to do some home care stuff.  

Ron kept saying how nice I was and how he hates to be yelled at.  I never yell at him?  So I don't know where that comes from.  I am very matter of fact and I will say nice about doing the ickier things.  The takeaway I got on that is he does appreciate that and would feel very bad if I shamed him, which I never do.  His sister was nasty about that - she would gossip about personal issues to everyone (one reason I am so coy until Ron clears it) in a nasty and malicious way.  

We are ALL going to need help one day you had better check that because what you put out when helping others is coming RIGHT back to you.  I don't care what you believe in, faith wise, you had BETTER believe that.  So I would rather be "an angel" (direct quote) than someone nasty and mean.  That's just how I operate.  

I know a lot of people would say I have wasted my life with him, I was never ambitious and didn't make much money, own a very modest home - one driver told me she could never share a bathroom, 

Side note when a driver brings me home they are gaping at all the nice, 2 story brick homes, the nicer cars in the driveway (you don't see any beaters or decrepit cars, they are either pristine classics or well maintained late model vehicles), very impressed with the neighborhood.  Then they pull up in front of my orange clapboard house and are let down.  Wait a minute this doesn't fit...it is funny to watch the reaction but I love my house.  I would get new siding, insulation, and a new roof but that is all even if I won a lot of money.  

Anyway I have lived a pretty simple life.  Invested much of my time and energy into a guy who wasn't always a prince.  But I believe God wants me here so here I will stay.  Also, I think it would be really unfair to Ron to stay when he was mobile and able to care for himself, then leave the minute he needed a little help. It is, to me, not that big a deal.  

I have to stand at the throne one day and be judged for my actions.  

Right out of the Bible: 

Revelation 20:12

And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books.

Now I am born again so I am not condemned but I believe I will be held accountable for my actions.  Did I live for myself?  Or did I work to please God and not Self?  

I think about that.  So I am glad Ron is happy and safe. He can be very sensitive at times, especially when he needs help.  He did say NO to changing the bed (it needs it but is not disgusting) and a bath so I do what he'll let me.  

Sometimes I think that would be the nice part of bringing someone else in to help care for him, they could be the bad guy changing the bed and bathing him.  But then I hear horror stories of caregivers coming reeking of smoke (Ron has chemical sensitivity), stealing, playing on their phone all day and not working, etc.  

A weird thing Ron calls me "Nurse Bishop" when I am bathing him, if he feels me scrubbing (sometimes I need to).  I do my best to be gentle but he will complain, nice if someone else heard it.  But if you asked he would probably rather have me.  

My head is feeling a little better I may be able to go to the bank after all.  

Friday night

 I have noted when something upsets me it generally indicates I need to work on that in my own life.  For instance, codependents.  Can't stand them.  I can't stand to be around other bipolars and mentally ill because they remind me how bad I could get.  

I think I have gotten better about whining (this would be a really good time for feedback if I had the comments).  I just wish people were clean in their motives.  

I have found when I say "I had a rough day and I want you to tell me I'm a poor baby" more or less that's what I get.  I don't have to play poor pitiful me if I come right out with it and say it.  And I do my best to surround myself (inner circle) with people who get that.  

I don't like people who play games to get sympathy.  Just lay it out, for instance "It's my day off and I have a bad headache.  Why ALWAYS on my day off?"  The people in my life get that and even the crankiest readers did as well.  

But you dress it up in other clothes it is still the same thing.  So my attitude is just say it.  I have a theory or two about my Dad and the way he raised me (not bad but not mine to talk about).  But he was always very straightforward and taught me to be, as well.  It has made for some social awkwardness but I prefer to live this way.  

And a lot of people have experiences of being beat down when they did ask for help, I get that.  I was thinking today I only saw a doctor once after I moved to CA, when I lived with my parents.  Bad flu with horrible sore throat?  Here's some nyquil and that awful chicken soup in the can.  Sleep it off.  I didn't even know people went and got antibiotics for bad throats until I moved in with Ron.  So I get that.  

It's sad.  But that is the thing about being raised by a very straightforward person, and then marrying one.  Ron does not play games like that anymore.  Today, in fact, he had a gripe with me, felt I was smothering him.  He couldn't WAIT to get rid of me.  He was very clear on that.  So I left, he was fine. 

I would rather he tell me "Go away, you're smothering me" than bottle it up.  

He is having an ongoing issue, not major but frustrating for both of us.  I haven't asked if I can talk about that so I'm going to wait but there are a lot of remedies in the deck and I have tried 3 just today (he isn't sick).  

I am debating going to my bank.  Nice, they are open tomorrow.  But it may rain so I will see.  It would be nice to have the option to get a grocery delivery, I am out of bacon (scream!) and low on some other things I didn't consider. 

I guess I can say I would like to get my brother some good coffee, he mentioned drinking it during our last phone call.  I have a brand I really like and would be fun to get him a little bag of that.  But I don't think I'm going to ship anything (to him or my parents) for 2 weeks give the Post Office time to get everything cleared out.  Everyone already knows this, and it also gives me time/money to get additional items if I want.  

It is funny I could use a large coffee mug but I gave all mine away some years ago, I had about 50 mugs from various states and countries, even a White House mug, but they were taking over and I couldn't really do any sort of rack with the cats.  I think I'll look on the Amazon website.  Not much that I want. Maybe Walmart.com.  I'm not seeing what I want, I think what I want is at a gas station, a plastic mug, good size. I think Stripes has it, I will see.  

If not no big deal plenty of styrofoam (which I recycle).  

I finally got to Dollar Tree

 Last time I tried to go I didn't know they had moved.  I ended up going to another dollar store.  Today I took a Uber and got there straight and quick.  

The store was very neatly laid out but no carts.  I did steal a hand basket from the store room, it was right in the doorway.  

I got some gift things, cards, tissue paper, the curly metallic ribbon accents you put on packages, etc.  I got a few things for my brother.  I got some salty snacks for me and a pair of headphones for Ron.  We are curious to see how $1 headphones perform.  I got some of the fancy purple party plates those will be fun for heating up my leftovers or Ron's dinner. I also got a very nicely scented (could smell though mask) bar of lemon and oatmeal bar soap.  

Ron was hugging me (this is clean) recently when I was just wearing my bra and he commented I have acne (not big like my teens but there) on my upper back.  I explained it is a menopause thing I picked that up from my menopause group.  So I got some acne wash I can put it on my bath pouf.  The funny thing for me pretty much the whole rest of my body is dry skin.  I got some puzzle books and a brick of Puerto Rican Expresso coffee.  I had a lot of fun walking around flinging things into my basket.  

Lately my budget has been lean enough I have to add things in my head before I put them in the cart, not today!  I came up to $23 and change so I was only out a few dollars.  I guess you could say I bought Ron's headphones with my money.  

There is a KFC nearby and Ron had asked me to get him the "new" BBQ sauce on a fried chicken sandwich.  The manager, of course, had no idea what sauce he was talking about, but they had 2 "hot" sauces and honey BBQ so I went with the honey.  Good call, he loved it, although I did tell them to leave off the mayo and pickles.  Ron is not a pickle man.  Ron agreed with my call.  After nearly 29 years with the man I hope I can order his takeout.  I got him a regular chicken sandwich with BBQ sauce and a Chicken Little. He ate the entire Chicken Little and about half the regular sized one.  

Pretty good, for him. I worry about him getting enough protein.  

He was very sweet this morning wanting me to take my umbrella because it's going to rain later.  I did, to appease him, but didn't need it.  I got a quick ride home and put everything away.  That is the secret to an organized house.  Besides, I didn't want the tube of acne wash to get squished and squirt out all over everything (It didn't).  

So I had a good time.  I wasn't gone long but long enough Ron and I both felt we got a break.  Apparently the weather will be miserable tomorrow so I'm really glad I had my fun today. 

Oh, and TAPE can't tell you how badly I needed it for work and home, now I have a roll for each.   

Very early Friday

 Well my brother got the box about 24 hours after I ordered it on Chewy.  He was thrilled.  I sent treats for all the animals, wolf, 2 wolf hybrid, 4 cats, and a rabbit.  I don't see how he keeps the larger predators from the rabbit.  

I told him his gift will come after Christmas as I am worried about it getting lost in the mail.  I also told him I don't expect anything I enjoyed the card.  Giving gifts I guess is one of my love languages, I love to give them.  So I'm glad he's happy.  

And I was smart, only got it AFTER I had bought groceries and paid all my bills.  So I could spare it (not much, really, less then a meal out with Ron).  

Then we had the constipation drama with Ron.  As it turns out the cup of coffee did the trick.  TMI but it sure does the trick for me.  I made it the way I like it, non dairy creamer (we are lactose intolerant), 3 "sugars" (any artificial sweetener but aspartame for me but I use Splenda for him).  He liked it that way and drank half a cup, then I finished it.  

I try to be very careful with cross-contamination.  I will eat after Ron but not before.  If I stick my finger in his food to see if it's done, and lick it, I don't put it back.  I don't share food with him but I will finish his coffee when he's done.  He's not sick, we know that. so safe for me.  Just trying to be careful, I could be asymptomatic.  

After we finished all that I went to bed, slept pretty good.  My space bar is messing up I have to HAMMER it now.  I am taking the Ray Bradbury approach and just getting all my words out first and then cleaning it up later.  

I am going to run out to the Dollar Store later that should be fun.  I am not particularly interested in going to the bank even though it would be nice to put some money in my account.  I may run to my bank (One one the bus line) and make a small deposit and then go to the dollar store.  I will think about it.  

I see my aunt and uncle for Christmas on Sunday that should be fun I like what I got them and hope they do, too.  The cats are all good, but I am having a blanket problem.  They lay on the blankets so I can only pull them up to mid chest.  Then my top half is cold.  But I got another blanket and use that to cover the top half, that worked really well during my nap, and last night.  The cats are happy, I am happy.  I always organize my blankets and they get messed up so easily.  

I have a regular cotton flat sheet, a fleece blanket, a wool blanket (actually bought from Harbor Freight) and a quilt I am using right now, but some layers always get lost during my sleep.  I suspect I am a restless sleeper, and a good thing Ron and I sleep separate or he would have issues with my flesh rubbing against him (I don't mean that in a raunchy way, even an arm across his back would be hell with his nerve disease).  Every day I fix them and every night I change them.  I do have a really good heater so I don't need a lot of blankets.  

Now I could probably "use" a weighted blanket but as I said I have enough.  I haven't even covered the 2 afghans out in the garage, the one on the couch, or the 3 sleeping bags I bought during the home repairs (it got DRAFTY with no drywall!).  Trust me, I don't "need" a weighted blanket.  I have also decided I will not buy the purple fleece blanket I had wish listed because I do have an awful lot of bedding already, considering the size of the house.  

Next month is going to be a little fun I have to pay my Amazon Prime fee.  Start of the month expenses I have a charity thing I'm not stopping, and YouTube subscription for the music (about $12).  So I am definitely working next week!  The Amazon is going to be the biggest bite.  January 14, I have time to earn that.  The only other subscription I pay is the Walmart Plus in April and that is months away.  

I am liking what they have done with the Walmart Plus I can get anything in the store mailed to me for free now.  Super easy to BOP Oregano oil over to Dad and Adoptive Mom.  No fees for me, well, fees due in August. I just hope they don't jack it up.  And of course free grocery delivery.  

The business is a Plus member on the Sam's Club, I am an auxiliary member so I still get the benefits.  We mainly use the Plus with Sam's for the early shopping hours which have been awesome this year.  Jack sure had fun shopping with me, too.  I gave him what he was owed for my ride to Sam's ($20) plus the agreed upon amount to take supplies from Sam's to work, set by him and Ron, which I feel is very fair to both of us.  So he had some pocket change to spend.  

For rides I basically pay him what Uber would cost with a $5 tip.  He seems happy with it, he has yet to object.  I give him an extra $5 if he takes me through a drive through.  So we all benefit.  

But today I will likely take Ubers and maybe a bus.  It remains to be seen how badly I want a little money in my online account.  Right now I have about $10. 😂  But the bills are paid.  

I think I am going to wait to deposit until Tuesday.  I am getting ready to do my God time.  

I was getting up, waiting an hour or two and then taking my pills but it seems to work much better to take them as soon as I dose Ron.  My coffee pot has brewed by then so I wash it down with coffee. It works for me.  

Happily I am not having problems with stomach irritation right now, but if I do I will go back to taking the ginger root.  That's it for now.  

Very early Thursday

 Ron made some noise last night but it wasn't intentional.  I didn't sleep well.  Up at 5, coffee was hot thanks to my timer (really a game changer to put coffee pot on a timer and have it hot and fresh when I wake).  I dosed Ron and then took MY pills with the coffee.  And my mood is already better.  

Chewy let me know my brother will get his gift today, how's that for fast shipping?  ONE DAY and he lives out in the country.  Really happy about that, hope he likes it.  

I figured he would rather get gifts for his critters vs. something for himself right now.  He is a very kind man (although I wouldn't want to cross him) and has a big heart for them.  They are all rescues, one cat he found in a dumpster.  He has a black cat, as well, and 2 that belonged to a lady with dementia. 

Anyway happy about that.  I sat on the floor yesterday - oh I forgot.  

I opened my front door to find 3, shrink wrapped parcels of Priority Mail Flat Rate Boxes.  SIXTY total.  I do not need 60 mailing boxes.  I took 10 out of one and have the 50 set off to the side to go back to the post office.  I had asked for THREE boxes and they sent 60.  

Too bad I can't take them to work!  So, I had plenty of boxes to ship my brother's, and my Dad's, packages.  I like to tape the boxes up pretty well, this time in particular because I have heavier items.  So I did the one box and then the other, then loaded.  I won't say WHAT right now but I think they are good gifts for each recipient.  And they fit nicely in the boxes. I did run out of bubble wrap, I needed more than 6  square feet per box.  One item required rather extensive wrapping as it is more expensive and that used most of one roll right there. 

They are all loaded, I just need a few small things for my brother and the wrap, then I can mail them.  Since it's only 2 boxes I can mail them on my own with a Uber.  I remember one time they had a really bad tornado in South Dakota and my friend Tammy said she would take a case of Bibles to hand out to the victims.  That was pretty heavy to move!  A case is about 25 pounds. I lift pretty heavy things on a regular basis so not a problem but I do wonder how she got it.    

That is one thing I have HATED about sending Bibles on to others, they NEVER let me know what they did with them.  One reason I was always so diligent about doing Handout updates every time.  People like to know it did some good.  

I just called Jack we are ON for today.  Going to Sam's Club and then work to stock (I stock alone).  It shouldn't take too long, I only have $300 for inventory.  😂

Wednesday

 Windows adjusted my screen resolution again everything is larger.  But I have middle-aged eyes so I'm not complaining.  It does what it wants I never know what screen I'm getting.  

I slept pretty well and gave Ron his medicine on time.  Takeaway lesson from this morning is take my antidepressant then too.  I will do that now.  

Pretty ugly depression this morning.  I need to take a shower and do my God Time, probably in that order.  Ron needed some help so I did that and gave him a bath while I was at it.  The no rinse body bath is great, I squirt it in the bucket (1-2 squirts), add some warm water, washcloth and good to go.  I was glad to get the old tshirt off of him he was starting to reek!  

I've got the towels I used for his bath in the washer right now along with some of my clothes.  I used "the cocktail" so I did not put my underwear in as well.  That can be run on a separate load with something that only needs the Tide Free and Clear.  Washing soda is very irritating to private areas.   

I did the shower, talked to my brother - I let him know to look for a package (sent some goodies for the critters, he knows that much).  Next I will send his package which has some unique challenges.  But I have time to do that.  

I DID want to get the critters before Christmas and I think he will enjoy watching them with their goodies.  I did get Ron's opinion on one item.  I will share more once he gets it.  

I did tell him to look out because he has a wolf, and 2 wolf mix dogs so they are going to intimidate a delivery man "They usually leave it right outside the gate" unquote.  So he can look.  

Going to go do my God Time.  Done.  Did a load of clothes and collecting stuff for my brother.  

Going to take a nap after the washer finishes the cleaning cycle and I start a thread about fasting and prayer, opinions.  

Tuesday morning

 I had 2 doses of Excedrin, some cold diet soda with caffeine, and a Sudafed because my ear was bothering me and a doctor told me to take decongestants for that.  So I was loaded up.  

NOT a surprise I woke up a few hours after I went to bed, up for a while, back to bed.  Pill time, fed Ron his Chalupa, back to bed for an hour or two.  Woke up felt pretty good so I got up and went to Walmart.  

Now my aunt "reads" so I can't say what I am doing for her family, but I can cover other family members.  My Dad and adoptive Mom are pretty easy, I know what they like.  My brother's fridge died (wish I could help) so he is eating mostly canned food, non perishables.  He is also diabetic.  So I got non perishable stuff for him I think he will like.  I also needed to get shipping stuff, USPS is supposed to bring me boxes and labels, but I needed bubble wrap and tape.  I got that.  I spent the extra $1 for the "more durable, shipping" tape.  I remembered the craft scissors for my knitting.  I got a cute pair designed for kids.  

I got cat food and household supplies.  I didn't buy the laundry sanitizer even though they had it in stock.  1.  I already have some 2.  If soap and water are good enough to wash my privates they are good enough to wash something that touched them.  I have no problem using my little cocktail on the worst of messes.  

1-2 Tide Pods 

1/4 cup washing soda 

1/4 cup borax

1/4 cup baking soda (mainly for odors).  

I have yet to be defeated.  Even the worst, and I have had some impressive ones, stains crumble to the cocktail.  So I don't worry about the sanitizer.  If I were really paranoid I would wash it with the cocktail and then run it again with just bleach.  Or run it on "hot" if the fabric could handle it.  Lots of options.  And the powders I use are affordable, obtainable, and last quite a while.  If I have some "funky" laundry with no stains I just add the baking soda to the load and that always works.  

They also had disinfecting wipes but I have 2 canisters plus the mostly full canister I am using, so no rush there.  I mainly use that for disinfecting my cell phone.  I didn't feel compelled to buy any.  

Interestingly they had the cat food in abundance (with Biscuit on a special diet I always worry about availability) but did not have much litter.  I am OK for litter so I was fine passing that up.  

Ron asked me what I bought myself, I didn't think the yogurt counted.  😂  I guess the craft scissors.  Seriously I did need them.  

I didn't have enough money to pay my Dad so Ron covered, I wrote a check on Ron's account (we have separate banking). I bought a nice Christmas card to stick that into.  The wire transfers, I guess, are easier for me but I have to have money in my account.  So it was easier to mail the check.  

Ron pays the mortgage and most of the bills.  I pay my own cell phone, and the water bill, he gets the rest, so I feel it's fair for me to take care of the loan.  But Ron was very matter of fact of course he would pay it since sales were so bad I (between us) only got 25% of my pay.  

But I got everything I needed and then found $40 in my fanny pack I have no idea how it got there, but I accept.  Today's a day off so I plan to enjoy it.  

I am definitely watching my caffeine today.  

Monday, or a good thing I can live on the cheap

 You would think I would have been pissed last night woken up at 3 to help Ron.  But I wasn't.  

We had another cold front come through, a bad one, and I was working on a migraine.  So I helped him, took my excedrin, back to bed.  Had to get up an hour later to do his pills, back to bed for an hour or so, and then up for good.  

Jack took me to work, I took the money out (pitiful) and counted it, verified my inventory level to see if I needed a Dr Pepper order - I did not.  Checked my phone, the one bank was closed, went to the other one.  The second bank is much nicer than the first but a little out of the way.  We ran a couple more errands and I went home.  

I got way less than my standard but all my bills are paid.  

All told I had taken 2 doses of Excedrin so I was pretty wound up.  I took a shower with the Dove bar soap.  My skin was still pretty dry after.  

This is all new for me because I have had very oily skin my whole life.  I never had to use moisturizer.  Until now.  I guess this is one of those fun premenopause things.  

Happily I did buy some (turned out to be very nice) "Hemp Heaven" lotion that has worked pretty well, I got it at the dollar store of all places.  I like that it is not too thick.  I don't need a really dense lotion right now a more moderate one is great.  And it soaks in quick and I like the fragrance.  My aunt would loathe it she hates coconut, but it's my lotion, not hers.  So it does the job well and I am happy I got the lotion.  

I did my God Time, not much up for it this morning, and tried to take a nap but still too wound up from all the caffeine this morning. I poured out my coffee (down the drain) and I am really glad I did I would have to be scraped off the ceiling.  It was the "good" coffee though.  

I have some cheap stuff for everyday and then the nicer brands (Seattle's Best, Community).  I use the nicer brands when I want a treat or an important 😂 flavor experience.  But sleeping in on my day off?  Store brand works for that. I have both regular and decaf because I try, very hard, not to do caffeine after 12 noon.  Today is unusual because I did go over my caffeine limit of 450 mg (suggested by Doc) today.  

I will probably make some decaf later.  I also need to fix my timer we had a power outage and it is skewed off real time now.  

And I finally trimmed Ron's "claw" toenail.  It was pretty impressive and would have made it impossible to put on a sneaker.  I remember my grandmother (the nice one) once told me a story of how her grandmother's nails grew over the ends of her toes and how hard it was to trim them, and warned me if I ever had to caretake a senior I should be vigilant about keeping toe nails trimmed.  

My family has a long history of taking care of its' aged.   To my understanding, though, my Dad's Mom needed only a housekeeper/personal aide at the end, she was still pretty independent, just needed help with things like doing the laundry, shopping, and cleaning.  She had surgery in her 80's, back trouble (again!  In my life!).  Had complications and didn't make it.  But up to that point it is my understanding she was pretty independent.  She did send me a very sad letter when her last bridge partner died she said she was all alone now.  

My Dad is almost her age now so I keep that in mind.  

Well, I just had people from a "remodeling company" bang on my door.  Baby Girl went out to investigate.  I said if I had the money for a remodel I would do my siding, not windows.  I did not say it but I sure thought no way in hell am I going to have some door to door huckster get up on my roof or do my windows.  If a a company is any good, like Carlos the amazing drywall and everything guy, they have good reviews on Home Advisor and Google.  They don't go door to door.  You're good, you will have a ton of good reviews and happy customers telling everyone (like I did with Carlos) about your wonderful work.  You don't need to look, they find you.

But I made sure to emphasize my lack of money and they saw the TV (all 24 inches of it) through the front door, it is apparent looking in my front door my treasures are up in Heaven.  I hope.  The last thing I need is another break in.  We will see.  

I did decide I would have one of my liquor shots in my decaf coffee tonight.  Well, half the shot (about a tablespoon).  I plan to put the "pecan praline" in it.  I can just put the half bottle (50 ml size) in the cabinet with the coffee products.  I asked Ron if he wanted it and he said no. 

Then he said something about wanting to listen to the radio.  So I'll respect that.  

That's it for now.  

Saturday morning

 I went to bed really early, "like" 7 PM, and slept great.  Torbie does hog the lower central portion of the bed so I have to be careful, she is old so I have to be careful I don't roll over on her (she does have a bad hip).  But we managed.  

Biscuit is a little dim he still thinks I feed him first thing when I get up and not at 5 PM every day.  No one has really figured that out, they just walk by and the bowl is full.  

I do need to get some more whisker friendly bowls I noticed they all like the melamine oval bowl vs the standard round ones.  I will look on Chewy.  

My coffee was ready and I didn't have a headache so I went ahead and drank it after I dosed Ron.  Ron is really excellent about taking the medicine without complaint, he is cheerful and compliant which makes it worlds easier.  He went right back to sleep.  

I got on the computer for a while and then took a shower.  After I dried off I decided to spray a little perfume.  I have a couple of tiny vials of roll on like you would find at a flea market, they can be nice on occasion.  Then I have 3 "nice" sprayers of various Perfumer's Workshop perfume.  I have a giant bottle of Tea Rose because I love the fragrance, but I am careful not to wear it around my aunt because it was my grandmother's perfume.  Then I had a smaller Tea Rose Amber (amber fragrance, very straightforward) and a Tea Rose Jasmin (floral jasmine fragrance).  I picked up the Jasmin and tried to spray, the head came off and wouldn't go back.  I couldn't take a chance of dropping or spilling the perfume because it was OUNCES worth and the house would REEK.  So I put on my slippers and threw it in the trash can.  I had it 20 years and hardly sprayed any so I didn't feel bad.  

I might have tried a little more if I lived alone but I kept thinking how badly that would go with Ron if he woke up suffocating in Jasmin.  I don't feel bad because a 4 ounce Tea Rose is about $15 on fragrance net.  They don't sell the Jasmin anymore.  

So it could have been a disaster, but isn't.  I am debating what to do with the rest of my perfume.  Ron does react strongly most times, but he can do "room spray" lately as the cats have been fairly gassy and erupting in hideous farts.  Baby Girl likes to sleep near his head so you can imagine what that's like.  

And he's up so I gave him some bacon and sausage.  I try to do a pretty low carb diet for him.  

I think I have also figured out the people behind us are likely feeding the cats.  Well, she came out, bent over and put something on the ground, went back in the house.  Do not have their own pet.  If she is feeding the cheap stuff that would explain the gassiness.  Cleo was quite alert to her, explains why Cleo is so nice and round.  

That's it for now.  

Friday

 Lets see if I can do this: 

I slept pretty well, woke up with a moderate (4 on 1-10) headache, had it most of the day until I tried aspirin.  I am going to remember the aspirin.  👍

I did my God Time, had a pretty good time of it.  I will share something; I believe in showing my warts as well as my "halo".  I had been neglecting the prayer portion lately but World Missionary Press put up such a plaintive post about everyone suffering trials all of a sudden and could they please get some prayer backup?  

Here it is:  Please PRAY for WMP Staff and our families. We've been having some strange and unusual things befall us the past several months, from a fire at one of our staffs personal homes, sickness and some significant injuries unrelated directly to WMP. Please PRAY for the Lord's protection over us as we continue producing God's Word!

So of course I had to step up. I can't do much in my life, driving for one, but I can pray, and if you are feeling the absence of my prayer of course I will bring it back. So I did that, yay me.

I did some housework but didn't sweep, if my video ever posts you will see that. I took care of Ron. I got out my crossword puzzle books (mostly the "fun and easy" variety as my IQ has taken a hit on my medication), and did a couple of them. I took a nap. I took the aspirin.

I watched some TV but it was all "dark" shows with not very happy endings, not a good thing when I am running depressed, so I didn't watch much.

I didn't have much to do. I am not going to use the word "bored" because I think that brings trouble when I do but I was/am a little restless. I did hang out in my groups and on one message board.

Tomorrow should be pretty quiet I will see how that goes, here's to hoping I get some decent sleep tonight.

I did a video blog

 Disabled comments for the obvious reason my stalker has gone across 4 media platforms including Youtube.  Not in the mood for it, so here it is.  

Features: Torbie.  Nice neighbor doggy.  Fresh air and sunshine.  Narration but no visual of me.  Plenty of Torbie footage, though.  

Caught with the other woman!

 

I slept well last night, woke up, gave Ron his pills, back to bed for a while.  I got up and took care of Ron and the cats.  

I went to Walmart.  I needed some home care items, wanted a new pair of sweats (very comfy!), needed some small gifts (no one is expecting a big gift this year but I want to give SOMETHING), etc.  I could also use some coffee, I had planned to try the Bustello.  

So I got there and knocked out most everything on the list, got over to the coffee section and no Cafe Bustello.  Well I guess I am not buying that.  They did have my Community Coffee Special dark roast decaf coffee, and some generic brand French roast which promised me a "rich and satisfying experience".  What the heck, only $3.88 I think so I got it.  We will see how that works when I run out of the fancy Seattle coffee (if I don't order more of the fancy Seattle coffee with my gift card).  

Then I headed over to the pet section and they were almost out of our litter!  I get the 38 pound Scoop Away or Fresh Step (they don't care which), they only had one case of EITHER so I hurried up and took it.  They did, as always, have the Iams Urinary care formula in the 7 pound bag.  

If I was honest with myself I would go ahead and buy the giant bag from Chewy.  That is one thing I want to do for my brother, get him some presents for his animals, some sort of rabbit, cat, and dog treats.  And of course something for him, I have an idea about that.  

But I did get "parental" and "aunt and uncle" gifts today so that's good.  My aunt was going to ship Dad's gifts for me but I think I will wait until they are back from their trip, next year (traveling to visit his mother in law and technically my only surviving (step) grandmother).  I think that will be better because I don't want someone to have to pick it up if it gets there late, and what I have seen at work it's going to run late.  Better to just adapt.  

So I got all that and did pretty well with my budget, too.  I checked out, I waited about 30 seconds which was great.  I went outside.  

Now the home care thing was bulky and on the bottom of the cart, too big for a bag.  That was OK I don't care if someone sees it.  Ron might because it would obviously be for him but me by myself I don't care.  

There was an older lady on a scooter who came over when she got a good look at me and struck up a conversation about the home care item.  She got quite animated talking about how her friend had sold her several packages for cheap.  I agreed that was a good deal.  She looked very disappointed when my Uber showed up.  

I got home, nothing exceptional about that but most of the cats got in the garage when I was bringing stuff in the house, so I can't shut the door until I see them all at once.  I am currently missing a few cats I believe are out there, and I have accidentally locked cats in the garage before.  They weren't happy about that.  

I got everything put up.  I had to rearrange one cabinet to make room, but it went well.  I am OK on a stepladder but anything above 3 feet off the ground I do poorly (scared of heights).  But I got it and am very happy with the arrangement.  I set up the coffee pot.  I have it set for AM coffee (leaded of any variety) and PM (Decaf of any variety).  It works very well I just have to load it.  

I will be going to bed early tonight as I have an early pickup tomorrow.  That's it for now.  

Monday

 I didn't get much sleep last night, Ron was vocalizing off and on and it kept waking me up.  No real way to stop that, happily it does not happen very often.  

Off to work, and yes I made enough money to buy a soda delivery, pay the electric bill, and cover the essentials.  I only had one real concern; I was supposed to get my primary gift yesterday and it never came.  Did I have a porch pirate?  

I went to the first bank with Jack.  Got in line, waited 5 minutes.  People going out but no one going in, and a long line.  The woman at the head of the line wouldn't open the door to go into the bank it was clear she had issues.  

I went to another bank instead.  They were happy to get the one dollar bills.  Then we hit a drive through (nice thing about riding with Jack) and went home.  I found my package sitting in the chair on the porch.  It was apparently OK to open, per Mom, so I did and it is nicely wrapped in a gift bag.  She insisted I put it under the tree and take a photo, which I did.  I also threw in some bonus shots of Torbie.  

I tried to take a nap but couldn't, so I got up, on the computer for a bit.  Now I will not reveal a lot but I am on a list, I guess, emails get sent out to me and many others.  And you always get the one guy replies to all.  Not only that the guy has a terrible attitude and sent out several emails today.  

It got me wondering if he is mentally ill, I used to lash out at things unrelated to what was actually making me upset, a lot, when I was ill.  But not my business.  I did a lot of deleting though.  

I need to figure out gifts, I have one for Dad already.  But Mom?  Aunt and uncle I think I have that.  And my brother I would like to get him something nice.  We will see what gets done.  

I did have enough to pay the light bill so I am encouraged by sales.  The cats are good.  I got everyone stoned by sprinkling quite a bit of catnip all over the floor.  Biscuit hogged most of it but I noticed Torbie actually lifted a paw and came running for it.  

I am feeding the cats at 5 PM and when I called them only Baby Girl showed up.  I guess the other ones are outside eating somewhere else.  I am going to go check the mail and then go to bed early; now, I'm tired.  

Saturday

 Well I did the monthly report, took care of me, Ron, and the cats.  I also did some laundry.  Ron is good I actually got him to eat today.  

I plan to take tomorrow off and have fun.   

Friday

 I accidentally locked Spotty out last night, in the garage.  I felt terrible about it but he had blankets.  I will do better.  

Problem: I keep the compost bucket out there (no room in the house plus I don't want bugs) and Biscuit slipped out, I saw Biscuit come back so I locked it.  😔  But Spotty forgave me and it was his call to do so.  

I woke without a migraine today.  I drank my coffee (wonder how long the coffee mania will last?) and got ready, called Jack, he was ready to go.  We went to Sam's and I spent the other half of my pay on inventory.  We went to work, I stocked.  

Jack picked me up, we ran an errand and went through a Taco Bell Drive through.  Ron was quite happy with the steak quesadilla.  I got chicken.  

I ate and took my pills.  I wasn't able to take my morning pills with the migraine, the morning nausea/vomiting was pretty severe and the one time I did get them down they didn't stay.  

Now I take various things in the morning, a multi with iron, my allergy pill (generic Zyrtec), antidepressant (2 of them), Dong Quai and Wild Yam (menopause herbs).  I would have thought I'd have a problem not taking the antidepressant but right now I am in a small mania (which is beneficial as I have accounting work and house cleaning to accomplish this weekend).  So mood is fine.  

But my allergies!  Horrible!  I really am allergic to my cats.  But it goes to show even a bad allergy can be managed with frequent hand washing and the right medication.  

I was able to take the "important" drugs, the mood stabilizers, the antipsychotic.  But glad I am fine again.  I got Ron settled (didn't need much) and got online.  

Rather than elaborate on what made me upset (it didn't involve me I was a bystander) I will just say this: as a caregiver, it is your RIGHT to ask for help.  Asking for help will often save the caregiver from getting sick or an eventual placement for the disabled in a nursing home.  Getting help on a regular basis - no matter how you get it - is a GOOD thing and it is a duty to ask for help so we don't get burned out.  

That is all.   

NOPE.  Not done.  I got the card thank you VERY much.  A nice addition to my pile of bills.  😂  Don't get me wrong, we can pay them, but still a nice surprise.  👍