We both did, actually... it was a little crowded with Torbie but I made it work.
I do, often, think about the larger cot.
I feel better and clearer. I am going to think on things for a couple of days and then make a decision.
I am going to ask Ron to give it a month with the business before he makes a final decision. If that decision is resigning I will accept it without conflict.
I will also consult with some people I respect about reaching out for help. My aunt just had surgery today, so I will have to give it a few days. If everyone agrees I will call the crisis line and reach out, see what can be done. I also need to talk to Ron about this as it will directly affect him.
The good news all my stuff is in storage so no clutter worries.
I hope whoever comes out likes cats.
8 comments:
Ron told you what he wants for the business. You should accept it now and not let him be miserable for another month. That video was eye opening.
I agree!! Please accept his decision about the business, he wants to quit NOW. How many times in so many ways does he have to say it? You're forcing him to work when he just can't do it any more.
She asked him when he was drunk. She needs to have a talk with him when he is sober.
What I got from the video was that 1. he is depressed majorly 2. he does not want to work the business anymore but feels a sense of obligation to you to continue. 3. he is in excruciating pain (the chief reason for his depression) and there is no treatment or cure for that.
So what happens to a person when they are in the above situation? He can't spend ALL day in adult day care. He even looked like he was in pain even laying down. Imagine if he had to sit in a wheel chair for 6 - 8 hours every day. Not feasible.
Clearly drinking has not helped the pain and he can't stop working and afford his excessive vodka habit. They would not be able to pay the mortgage, utilities, etc on a part time salary for Heather. She would need to work full time and no one would expect her to fund his habit. Nor would it be fair of him to spend his entire social security check on vodka. He would need to contribute financially to the household expenses.
He can't take a shower because he can't have the spray on him it is too painful, sponge baths are out. The doctors won't consider enough pain medication to actually make a difference with his pain. He is able to actually have Heather give him a bath but because of his depression he has no motivation to want to have her do that either.
How do you help someone who refuses ALL help? How do you help someone whose body is literally broken and beyond repair? You can't force him to get help and more back surgeries are not a fix all as the first surgery did not work and may have led to more pain for him. When he was in the nursing home after his back surgery he was a lot better mentally. But Heather said it was because he was on pain medication.
It really is not as simple of a fix as someone who has just an abusive, alcoholic spouse. There are many factors at play here that make her getting the out of situation that is out of control under some type of control a monumental task. I don't know if there are resources that can help them both. But I think she owes it to not only herself but for ron to reach out and try.
Well said. The crisis line I checked out and they only provide psych help, which would be appreciated at some point but right now I need help with his day to day functioning. He is in a lot of pain if he sits in his wheelchair for more than a few hours.
Here is a link that may be useful:
https://hhs.texas.gov/services/disability/long-term-care-people-medical-or-physical-disabilities
It might be a good idea to keep the business for another month if you can work it alone. But, don't ask Ron to go, he doesn't want to. This should only be a temporary solution so it can give you time to get your plan of action for yourself and Ron.
I hope you're aunt is doing well after her surgery.
20/20 vision! She is very pleased.
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