Wednesday, February 29, 2012

"A big one carried him off"

We went into work and someone had put notes on the machines, saying they had bugs (they don't).  Nice attack on our business.

I found it kind of an odd answer for my problem.  I didn't have any inventory; we had spent the months' budget and have to wait until March to buy more.  I worried the machines would look bad, and empty.  Kind of irrelevant, after that.

Now, as a counter, let's talk about nasty people.  People who bring in a lunch and leave it on the shelf for a week.  People who leave an open can of soda on the shelf for 4 days.  The same can.  I left a telltale, it would have fallen if someone had actually accessed the soda.  If a bug is going to visit, don't you think it's going to go for the nasty leftovers and the open can of soda?   These shelves are maybe 4 yards from the vending machines.

However, I am up to my armpits in the machines, stocking them every day.  I haven't seen anything, and I would.  All the food is completely wrapped, and hygienic.

[sigh]  Which makes me wonder.  Why?

Well, it's an attack, that's obvious.

I think Ron and I handled it well.  The coffee machine can get messy, so Ron cleaned it.  Some talkative people saw him, and I opened the vending machine for anyone with a question.  It's not our end.


Oh, and I stocked the "bad" machine today.  Didn't see anything.  I'd eat off the floor if you wanted.

 "George" came by, saw me reaching into the machine.  "Look out!  The bugs will get you!"

I grinned back at him.  "What do you think happened to Ron?  A big one carried him off about 10 minutes ago!"

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

It's a good day

Today I met two people.  I have met both of them before.

The first was an older woman.  I'm trying to think of a delicate way to convey her without being ugly.  I will simply repeat some of her comments:  "George Bush (Sr) ruined the black community.  He put crack cocaine in the neighborhoods because he knew they couldn't afford (pure cocaine).  He made sure it was so addictive they would get hooked the first time they used it."  Things continued in that vein for a while.  A lot of self-pity, too.  Having stated things in her words, I think you will conclude that she was not educated, racist, and unpleasant.  She tried to tell Ron and I we must be "so rich" because "We're always going to the bank".  Say what?  We haven't even seen the woman in over a year.  So, envy and coveting, too.  I told her "We could get food stamps" and she scoffed at me.  What was it?  My Walmart flip flops?  The $5 warmup shorts and $3 tshirt?  My top of the line, $15 mesh backpack?  [raised eyebrow]

[dryly]  Yes I'm so expensive.  

Not the type of person I hope to meet again.  She's just ugly.  I don't like her.  Everything that proceeds out of her mouth is very negative and judgmental.  One reason I want to be delicate in my restating.

Lately I've had a lot of problems with anxiety.  Sales are bad, and I've been worrying about a million things that could go wrong, costing us money.  I'm sure you've been there.  You start thinking, and then it progresses, and pretty soon you want to hide under the bed forever.

Anxiety, should I permit it, will eat me alive.  Yes, it's part of my illness but it's like a wild animal that needs to be tranquilized, captured, and caged.  No matter, what, don't let it out of the cage!  I'm working on that.  It likes to do a lot of roaring and cage-rattling.

The other thing I battle, and this is pretty much all the time, negativity.  I tend to get in very negative, gloomy patterns like the lady I met today.  I don't want to be that person!  I am always battling the darkness and focusing on the good things God has given me.

I have given up the news as a consequence.  I'd rather not hear about the latest horrible thing than have it stuck in my head.  And why must we hear ALL the details?  Do we really need to know the victim was raped by her own father?  How badly the baby was abused before his parents finished him?  No.

In Philippians God tells us to keep our mind on positive things.  And, it's funny how we can get answers.

Like I said, I've been worrying a lot about money.  Just now I heard Ron on the phone.  "The richest man and the poorest man are the same.  They don't own anything, it belongs to God."

It belongs to God.  I don't need to "stress" about the house.  It belongs to God.  The business belongs to God.  My health belongs to God (but I need to put in the proper fuels!).   So, leave it to God already!

Oh, and the second person I met.  He has a beautiful spirit.  He's a Vietnamese man who "lost" the war.  He was in the army.  He was captured and put into a camp, and tortured for years.  He is a delightful, charming, man.  I love to see him.

Now, if anyone has an excuse to be ugly, he's the man.  He chose not to be that ugly "hater".  He reminds me, strongly, of another Vietnamese man I met about 10 years ago.  This man, same story.  Captured, tortured for years.  So, I told my Houston friend what the Californian had said, years ago.

"I got all I wanted to eat, and no one beat me.  It's a good day".   I told him and he agreed, delighted.

THAT's who I want to be.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Dear Spammer

Dear spammer; if I want a naked man I can just see my husband.  He's plenty hot.

Christian dating site: why are you spamming a married woman?  No Christian man would want to engage an adulteress.  If he wants to, he isn't a Christian.

The only time I owned a designer purse, it was a gift.  I had no idea how much it cost until years later.  The leather lining should have been a clue.  Sorry about the hand lotion.  That's why I carry a cheap mesh backpack (which has rivaled the performance of my Jansport airlift backpack; which I owned for over 5 years).

My shoes cost $20.  Workboots.  I like them.  When I'm not in the boots, I'm wearing flip-flops, or some plastic imitation designer clogs I bought for $1.09 at Giant Dollar.

I pay no attention to jean labels or t-shirts.  I prefer 100% cotton, and pockets.  A pocket-tshirt, and nice deep front pockets on the jeans so I don't have to worry about things falling out.

PS - Blogger comes with a spam blocker, which I utilize.  Don't waste your time!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

The Wringer

I'd like to think I was truly grateful for all the good in my life.  It would shame me to think I hadn't given God thanks for the everyday luxuries I enjoy every day.

Example, today I went to Foodtown.  If I get there at JUST the right time, I can "catch" the ground-beef-for-$1-a-pound-at-the-sell-by-date-special.  Today, happily, I did.  I got 8 pounds, and made cheddar burgers (I'm sure Foodtown was happy to sell me the spices and sharp grated cheddar cheese, too).  It took me hours but it's worthwhile.

Besides, I needed to stay busy.  Today my mind went through the wringer.

The sad thing, no external provocation (other than a few spiritual things like the Bible handout last week).  Just, trouble.  Weird thoughts.  Paranoia.  Obsessive thoughts about a subject, and ugly ones, too.  It's like I was in an all-day sword fight.

Parry thrust, Lord, help me take my thoughts captive.  Lunge - Bad Thoughts are back.  "Put Your thoughts in my head, Lord".

And it was a good day!  We "made groceries" (local slang), came home, put them up.  Went to work.  Stocked.  Praise God they're buying the soda, at least.  Went home.  Went to Starbucks.  Came home.  I started smoking the cheddar burgers while watching Iron Man.  Kidded around with Ron, Iron Man or werewolves... tough call.  When I finished the first batch, gave one to Ron.  He adores it.  He adores me.  He loves me more than anyone else ever could in the world..  [giggle]  He's a big fan of the cheddar burger.  I make a Ron version with chopped onions and lots of cayenne.  Words can't express his joy in eating them.

So, a good day, right?  Wrong!  I had a helluva battle today.

How do I view it?  Well, I assume most of my readers are NOT mentally ill.  I also assume plenty don't share my faith.  That's good.  Kudos to you for learning!

I would say it is probably 90% chemical; and 10% spiritual.  Which means I took everything as directed, to the letter, and will call Doc on Monday if I don't get relief; and I'm going to pray up.

The chemical angle is easy to address and understand; the spiritual, not so much.

Here's my theory.  The evangelistic work I do angers Bad Things.  To keep me humble and dependent on Him, God does allow Bad Things to attack me in various ways (mental illness, problems with Ron,  anxiety, etc).

So, as I've taken my medication, I will be praying, turning myself over to God, asking Him to keep me useful even if it means my brain goes through the wringer again and again and again.  Asking Him to guide me in managing my illness and my interactions with others.  I need that guidance.

I want to be useful, to God, no matter what it takes.

As Ron once said, "This life is a fart compared to eternity".

Friday, February 24, 2012

Do it

My internet's been a little iffy today.  Hopefully I'll get this up.

I got a lot of sleep last night, but learned I have to turn over very carefully.  I accidentally got a sheet wrapped around my bad toe, and let me tell you, I won't do that again.  It was definitely yelling BROKEN at me.

Even though I didn't miss a milligram of medication, I've just been in a horrid mood all day.  It's a good thing I have had internet trouble.

I can tell when I go looking for fights.  Yes, I do.  [sigh]  NOT proud of that.  Fortunately God didn't let me find any.

Ron and I had a very pointless argument about a keyboard.  I felt he should get rid of it, he wants to use it.  I've been so horribly cranky I can't reason well.

And I'll restate, I took everything.  I took a whole day's worth of lithium at dinner last night (OK by Doc).  I took my morning dose, and my noon dose.  I'm about to take my night dose, and all the pain stuff I took yesterday is supposed to raise my lithium level.

So, I have to chalk it up to bad day.  Some days are just not great.

Ron gave me the day off; we work tomorrow instead.  I slept in until about 8, I had to get up for various reasons.

I got up, ate.  Got queasy, stayed there for hours.  Whined about it.  Did most of my God Time.  Cleaned up a little.  Went to Burger King with Ron (that was good).  Came home, tried to take a nap.  Even that didn't work.

About the only thing that went right was feeding the cat!

I'd like to look at my faith for a minute.  My faith may look a lot different from other faiths out there.  I don't go to church.  I pray and study my Bible at home.  I don't even have a go-to favorite version.  I avoid the KJV version at all costs, I simply can't understand.  The last time I took communion, the "body" gave me hives.  [snort]  I felt like something out of a bad horror movie.

A lot of purists are fairly horrified by some of my practices.  I've set Bibles on the floor.  I'll let the cat sleep on a Bible if he likes it.  I take them home in trash bags if it's raining.  I buy used Bibles.  I threw out a Bible once; I had left it in a coat pocket, washed it, and effectively ruined it.  Probably the worst thing I've ever done to a Bible, even if I did get it at the thrift shop.  I keep non-re-giftable Bibles for myself.  I have several paperback NKJV versions as a result.  They had a bad run at the mill one day.

 I don't really believe in the word "sacred".   However, I do hold one thing sacred: Praying for other people.  No matter what, that is going to happen.  If I'm sick, it may be a short and fervent prayer for the unreached in general, or the recipients.  I feel a huge debt to the recipients.  I helped introduce them to God; I have an obligation to pray for them.

It's nice to know, on a day that went really badly (including Ron yelling the terrorist phrase, out in public, one day he will be badly beaten for doing so, and not by me!), I can still pray for them.  For you.

So, off I go to do it.

Thursday, February 23, 2012


HORRIBLE migraine today.

Happily, I was just able to eat and take my meds.  I hate it when I start hallucinating during a bad migraine, reality gets really weird and scary.

Not tonight, thank God.

I ate chocolate.  I cannot eat chocolate anymore, that's clear.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Why I don't watch the news

As a school girl, I got into trouble with my teachers.  I didn't have my homework.  I had a hard time understanding long division.  I got into a fight with a bully.

My adoptive mother used to sigh, and I could practically hear her begging God for some help.   One day, though, she had an unusual request to take me home.

My elementary school utilized window unit air conditioners.  They were encased in metal "cages" to prevent theft or tampering (you know kids).

One day before class, several other kids stood in front of the air conditioner, staring intently.  A small brown sparrow had fallen into the cage and gotten stuck, fluttering helplessly and desperately at the metal bars.

I was horrified.  I wanted to save the bird.  Flutter, flutter.  The sound of our voices really upset the poor thing.

A teacher came by, and I pleaded with her to release the bird.  "I can't," she replied "I don't have the key to open the cage."  I sobbed.  What would happen to the bird.  "Well, it will probably die."

I began wailing.  Someone had to save it!  The other kids started backing away as I cried so hard my glasses fogged up.  I couldn't bear to know the poor bird would struggle and flail itself to a hopeless, hungry, death.

I begged every adult to come and save the bird.  No one had the key.

They finally called my mother.  She picked me up and took me home.  She was very quiet and subdued. "Heather" she said "You have a big heart."

I believe I cried myself to sleep that day.

When I watch the news I'm reminded of that sparrow.  I see all these horrifying atrocities, perpetrated by "human beings".  I see the lost and crying victims.  The funerals.  The pain, and the scars.

Humanity has become my sparrow now, fluttering hopelessly in the cage of "self" and "sin".  I watch it flutter and flail, desperate for escape.

The worst part of all, the cage is open!  Jesus has the key, He paid for it with His blood, His pain, and His life.  Humanity just has to look up to Him and fly away.

But, caught in its' web of self, it would rather beat itself to death on the bars; of a cage that's already open.

That's why I don't watch the news.

A very small price to pay

As I was tallying my day, I thought, it didn't sound very fun!

Got up at 5 AM.  Shower, God Time.  Headache.  Took Excedrin.  Ate breakfast, took medication.  Horribly queasy for several hours afterward.

We went to the wholesale warehouse.  I got some supplies.  I forgot to buy a cup from the register, so I had to go to the deli to buy a cup (I had vainly hoped some diet carbonation might help the nausea).  While standing at the counter, I realized I could not feel more nauseous.

Generally, I avoid buying Ron a hot dog because the smell makes me gag.  Something about the Wellbutrin, hates sausage.  The scent of the hot dog makes me ill.

However, I didn't feel any worse, smelling it now, so I went ahead and got Ron one.  He sure didn't mind.

We had a good ride to work, I got the handcart and stocked the machines.  The repairman came out and we fixed the food machines.  I did a pull, tallied it, and we went to the bank to deposit.

I told Ron I would wait a week on my pay, so he can cover some expenses.  We plan to do that.

Work was good, but my foot started aching.  I forget I have a broken bone, in my foot, and it doesn't like a lot of standing and walking.  I'm functional, but it throbs.

From that point on, I only stood and walked when necessary.  I keep wanting to go out and do something, take a long walk, have a Day Out, but I would just harm myself.

Remember my birthday back in 2009?  (It's under September)  I wore new shoes and ended up with awful blisters all over both feet.  I don't want to end up like that.

Would I have done the Bible Handout, knowing I'd break a toe (a few days later) and limit my mobility for weeks?  Absolutely.  I'd endure far worse.

It's a very small price to pay.

We came home, and I was so queasy I skipped lunch.  We got the wheelchair and there's the ride.  We went to Fry's electronics.  My old speakers (very old) had broken.  Ron was insistent, he'd buy me new ones.  I thought I could do fine with headphones, but he said no.  Absolutely not.

For a blind man, sound is king.  The thought of his wife without good sound was just abhorrent.   He said he could spend a certain amount, no more.

I thought that sounded like way more than I needed.  So, he got in the wheelchair and off we went.

I brought my MP3 player.  I wanted to see how my music would sound.  I cued up "King Christ".  That's a good one for bass.  It sounded OK in one.  I found another one, a few dollars more.  I liked it for some reason.  It was a Creative Labs.  I had a horrible time with one of their sound cards about 12 years ago.  I have never been a fan, but I figured why not.


Well.  That was pretty impressive.  I tried a few others but kept coming back to the Creative.  It's an A220.  It cost $30.  Even after a keyboard for Ron, a flash drive for Ron, and dinner at the deli, it was well under budget.

Yay!  All around win!  Too bad my foot was screaming!  Ron could tell I was limping and told me to get into the wheelchair.  After we paid, and went outside, I actually did.  I found a seat for Ron.

We had a good ride home.  I'm sitting as much as possible.

I wanted to go to my dollar store tomorrow....Ron is taking me on paratransit.

No way I'd make it on the bus.

Ha.  Me and my "Old evangelism injuries".  This is right up there with the hives and the bb to the ankle (bounced off, left a WHOPPER bruise, back in 2009), but well above the cat bite from that demonic stray cat, also in 2009.

2009 was a pretty hard year for me.  I hope 2012 is better!

Oh, and I took all my noon and PM medication at dinner, at Fry's.  A little late, I think.  I was starting to run a little paranoid.

Monday, February 20, 2012

I don't want to hear about your bowel movements.

I don't.  Please don't tell me about your bowel movements. That is TMI.

I am sick of the ads for the "yogurt that makes you poop".  The people act so relieved that they're "regular" now.  PLEASE.

If you don't screw with your body and eat nourishing foods, your body can take care of itself.  Every body has it's own system.  You don't need to eat special yogurts, take laxatives, or take purgatives to "cleanse your colon".

I remember one time, back when I was eating low fat.  (I got fat this time because I ate sugar, let's be clear) I guess I had watched one too many ads on TV or read an article on "sluggish digestion".  I got some of the "Dieter's Tea".  I drank it.

I sure went to the bathroom, but as I sat on the toilet looking at the blood all over the toilet paper, it dawned on me that it was a BAD IDEA to screw with my system.  I threw the tea out and have never used another product again.

Plenty of my drivers, especially the women, are very into the use of colon cleansers.  They like to tell me about it.  The "cleanser" generally has fiber, plus a purgative.  A purgative is a very strong laxative that literally empties you out.

That is not a good thing.  Unprocessed feces are not causing your "bloat".  Your diet is making you bloat.  Carbs make you bloat, or vegetables if you are unaccustomed to eating them.   I have such bad reaction to flax bread I have had to eliminate it (the kind made entirely of ground flax, with a little egg and baking soda).  I get horrible heartburn, gas, cramps, and bloating; because my body doesn't like it.  So, I stopped trying to eat it.

That reminds me, I have a taste for some pumpkin pudding now.  Oh, I love my pumpkin pudding.  I need to look up my recipe.

Kenneth Cooper, the father of Aerobics, once said "I never met a constipated jogger".  That's a very good point.

Lack of water causes your body to retain water and therefore bloat.

Taking a harsh stimulant will only harm your body.  Please, don't.

Now, let's talk about the "female odor" thing.

My husband has a very good point.  "What about male odor?" he asks.  "I think some men smell pretty horrible.   I'm not even close to them and they are funky."  He drawls the last word.  Then, he probably starts humming "We got the funk"  I join in "Get up off the funk..."

God designed our bodies to work amazingly well.  Do you really thinking shoving a bunch of synthetic chemicals up your hoo-ha will have a good result?  Aren't you worried about cancer?  Irritation?  Allergies?

Now, admittedly, I've only had sex with my husband, but he's never once said "Oh, you need a douche".  No.  In fact, he has begged me to never, ever, use those products.  I told him I wouldn't if he paid me.

When I started getting female exams they always asked me and breathed a sigh of relief when I told them no.  You can actually wash a superficial infection into your pelvic organs, using that stuff.  YUCK.

And the itch creams.  If you are constantly itching, you need to see your doc.  You need to get rid of things that might be causing the itch (pads, douche, deodorant spray).  You should probably switch to "natural fiber" undergarments.  Now, I'm not a doctor, that's why you go see one, but I'm sure Doc will tell you the same thing, as he's running tests.  Even some condoms can cause an allergy.

Which leads me to the old "The Bible really had the right idea about your sex life" talk.  God designed people to have sex in the context of marriage.  If you are, then you don't need to worry about many of the things that others will have to manage.

Some try to say, you HAVE to have kids.  I disagree.  I've written whole chapters on that subject.

About the only thing the media and I agree:  underarm deodorant.  Good stuff.  I like the Arm & Hammer Naturals Fresh.  It doesn't have the aluminum, which left marks on my clothes (even the no mark formulas).  I think my skin breathes better, even though the stuff has a positively un-natural list of ingredients.  Ron prefers another brand, the traditional stick.

Do I use all that "special facial" crap?  No.  I have oily skin, I need to take it off, not put it on.  I use an inexpensive bar soap and it works well.  Makeup?  No.

But you could tell that from the video blog.

I am a little vain about my hair, though; although you'll never catch me primping in a bathroom mirror.

Delivering the promised video blog

Figured it out.

This was take 3.

UGH. Getting jowly! So, so, glad I already went low carb. Around 8:30 you get a good look at my hair. It's getting pretty long.

I stacked the camera on two books. Next time I'll just put it on one. :)

Here come the videos

Test video featuring Bubba

It's an old one, from years ago.  Add a couple of pounds to Bubs and you've got him today.  He is sitting on the kitty condo.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Three Peeves and a Cowbird Kiss

OK!  OK!  I will do a video blog and attempt to upload.

Pray for me, I'll need it.

Kind of peeved about a couple of issues, I have to go to bed pretty early.

Short versions:
Christians who don't prepare for any kind of disaster.  The Bible is clear, hard times ahead.  Some are lazy.  Some see it as a faith issue, if I have any "preps" then I am not exhibiting faith in God.  Some, who flat out seem to say, the only way one can demonstrate faith in God is a completely empty larder.  And then they get angry when I say "After the hurricane, I was glad I had the turkey spam.  No fresh meat for weeks.  No vegetables, but I grow my own.  No way to get to the distribution center and no one who brought us food.  No paratransit for a week!  Sure glad I had a couple extra cans in the pantry"  Baffled.  Not sure I want to try to understand.

It's not just internet, I know plenty of regular people who have no disaster kit.  Come on, people.  FEMA says 3 days.  Do you have that, at least?  I pray you do!  I don't think the world is going to improve!

Second peeve, shallow, selfish, exploiters (not Ron).  This one is particularly transparent, and foolish.  I'm not a sugar mama.  Even if I were, issues would block that.  Who hits up low income disabled people for favors and money?   How many times do we have to say no?  We have never "helped", why keep pestering us?   Ron has allowed me some latitude in how I deal with the issue this time, and hopefully they will get the message.

Third Peeve, this is more Ron.
Bubba brought home a cowbird today.  Through the pet door.  They are exceptionally skittish, so the poor thing must have been starving.  I'd fed the birds about an hour earlier.  They wait for me in the trees, now.

Bubba came home, meowing proudly, and brought the live, freaked, cowbird into Ron's room.  He released the bird and it flew into Ron's chest, fluttering frantically.  Ron started shouting at the cat, and really freaked the bird out.  I banished both man and cat, prayed.  I asked God to calm the bird.  The poor little guy was throwing himself into the window.

The bird calmed down a little and I opened the window.  I tried to direct the bird, but he just got upset.  So, I reached over and picked up the bird.  He was very calm.

Whenever I have asked God for help with a bird like that, He's always come through.  It looked so cute, and sweet, in my hand.  It was so calm, I pressed a tiny kiss on the little brown head, before I put him out the window.

I saw him, later (he had a missing feather on his head) outside the window, taunting Bubba.

Worse than the theft...

The thing I hate, most of all, is the assumption that I'm stupid.  I'm not.

Sure, I have limits.  I have meds.  But I'm not an idiot and nothing makes me angrier than the assumption.

Take a repairman, for instance.  He had requested a key to the machines, so "I can work on them when you're not around".  I always thought it was a bad idea but Ron overruled me.

So, the man was given a key.  We had shortages.

I finally convinced Ron to change the locks.  Only he would have a key.  Ron, I knew, on some level had even doubted me.  I had nothing to lose by giving up my key.

I had always suspected the repairman.

Ron told him his plan to change the locks.  "Oh, don't do that!" He was very concerned  "You don't need to do that!"  Ron kept telling him, look, Buddy, it's my business and I'm changing the locks.  The guy said he would charge a lot of money to install the locks, "Heather can install the locks".

The guy tried and tried to talk Ron out of it.  He would return his key (after making a copy, I'm sure).

Ron finally realized, even before the switch, "This guy is the thief"

Sure enough, when he realized we had installed the new locks, repairman comes up with this wild story about "You'll see more money in the machines now because I fixed a problem".  He would have been better served to keep his mouth shut.  The story was so implausible Ron KNEW this guy had been robbing him.

Ron and I were more offended by the assumption we were THAT stupid, than we were by the theft.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Cliff Notes

Here's the latest tract Ron's been handing out.  He wrote it himself:

Here are Cliff Notes for the Bible.  For those of you who've never read The Bible! 
(I think it's too long anyway, should have had a short version to be read in one or two days!)
So, #1.  Jesus is the son of God.
#2.  He came here to Earth, and was whipped thirty-nine times, then was nailed to a cross, for us!
And after three days, He was brought back to life, just to teach us there's life after this one!
That was truly a bad day!
He took our whipping, so we wouldn't have to get one.  Why?  I honestly don't know!
THEY SAY He loves us, but I wouldn't!
I think He loves too much, and the wrong crowd, but, I'm very glad He does!
The Bible says there's none good, no, not even one!  After living today, I believe it!
I've read that our best deeds are like dirty diapers to Him, but we think we're cool!  Just ask us!
We humans do all kinds of dumb stuff!  
#3.  If we want to be with Him in Heaven, after we die, or, are raptured, kind of like, beam us up Scottie, in Star Trek,
then all we have to do is accept His undeserved gift of forgiveness!
Now, we will fall in the mud at least once a day, but the trick is to get up immediately,
clean yourself off, then try a better way!  And feel regret and remorse, then say you're sorry, and mean it!
You can fool people, but not Him.
But remember, you are forgiven, because of His actions, not yours.
The Bible says we are forgiven by Grace, not by works, lest any one should boast!
#4.  What a drag it would be, to have your creations be afraid of you, and your creative powers,
so that you couldn't even have a decent conversation with them, without them freaking out!
You can't change the past, no matter how bad it was, or, how much you regret doing it.
You can only change the future, or tommorrow!
Guilt without change is a mental game!  Instead, He wants change and improvement!
#5.  Learn how to love God, and, everything He stands for, and then, learn how to love others as yourself!
I say "learn" because we are scared rabbits at first, but we've been taught to love and see God in our parents' way, not the true way.
I believe being born again, means seeing and experiencing God in a fresh, new way, not just because we were told to do it THIS WAY!
Imagine a whole planet, where nobody killed, committed adultery, stole, lied, or covetted your neighbors' mate, or things!
We take it for granted, that of course you lock up everything, or somebody evil, will steal from you, and that's normal!
In my Heaven, there are no need of locks, ever!
#6.  It may be hard for some of you to have faith, but I've heard it said, that having no faith is like going to WalMart, with no money!
Reread the line above, it's important!
#7.  Try and learn to think positive!  AS YOU BELIEVE, SO SHALL IT BE DONE UNTO YOU! 
See why negative thinking could hurt you?
That's my big problem.
There's a song that says, I've been down so long, that bottom looks like up!  Yep, that's me!
Ok, keeping it short and sweet!
He's gonna rapture us one day, but nobody knows when, except Him!
We will meet with Him in the air!  Once we're all gone, THEY will probably say, THE ALIENS TOOK THEM!
If you're stil here, remember, DON'T TAKE THE MARK!
THEY wil say you can't buy or sell without a mark!
They will mark you in the right hand, or the forehead!  Just say NO, and God will take care of you.
Or, take the mark, and get your butt kicked!  Easy choice!
Revelation thirteen talks about the mark.
Jesus said He's not coming back to Earth, until everybody has heard about Him,
so spread the news, or make copies of this, and leave them around!
No one has to know you did it!  But isn't it great to know that He'll know?
Thanks for taking the time to read my little note!

Thursday, February 16, 2012


Depression is trying to sniff around.  For me, right now, that means a pretty low energy level.

The really bad typing?  That's the lithium!

Oh, speaking of:  prescriptions now have the diagnosis on the slip.  At least mine did.

I am accustomed to getting the run-around when I get my refills.  Since I have never made a suicide attempt, I am "permitted" 3 month refills.  You would not want 200+ lithium tablets in the hands of someone who is in the habit of overdosing.

I'm not, if I can't battle anymore I get help.  God is clear on that.  One day I'll tell you about my first suicidal depression.

Anyway, not whining, but when I have limited energy; I have to spend it like money.

I'm sure the easily offended, gossipy, judger types will love this:  last night I did dishes.  I had about a week of dishes piled up in the sink.  They were trying to escape the sink.

So, I had to do that.  After the dishes I had no energy left.

That's the paradox I had this week: cleaning up the house, Mom and Dad are coming to visit.  It's not bad (except for the dishes) but it is pretty cluttered.  I had to forfeit that in order to do the Bible Handout. Now I have to make cleaning up a priority, while still having some fun (I worked in the garden for a little while today).

I keep forgetting to mail the water bill, I really need to remember that.  I think I'll put a note on my cell phone.

Seeing all my limitations, memory problems, slower "processing speed", fatigue issues, I find it very funny that God uses me at all.  But, when "I" do a Bible Handout, it's not me at all; it's God using me.  I think He can use me like this because I'm not ashamed to do it, I'm willing to do whatever it takes, and I leave it all to Him and give Him the credit.

God knows it sure isn't "me" doing this.

So, back to the lithium.  Now the prescription has my ICD 9 code:  Bipolar type one, mixed, most recent episode manic.  The tech took one look at it and clearly freaked.  She said they could have it tomorrow.  I said next week was fine, I knew it took a while to send it out.  No, she insisted, they could have it tomorrow.

They have never acted that way before.  Did they have a horrible bipolar patient?  Did she not know my diagnosis?  I don't know, but I found it profoundly sad.

My entire goal with medication: live a simple life, without scaring anyone.

Boy, my typing is AWFUL.  Mom and Dad gave me a reconditioned computer last fall; it has spell correct.  It's a good thing, if it didn't you'd think Bubba-cat had walked on my keyboard.

I can definitely tell my lithium levels are up.  Boy.  I could not even spell the word "Couldn't" and "level".

I never really felt DISABLED until I started taking the lithium.  It definitely limits my functions, but that's the price I pay.  I'm not stopping it.

For the last couple days, my anxiety level was up.  I expected that to some degree, but I shared it (not always easy for me) and I guess enough people prayed, I sure feel better.  I also consciously work on turning the stresses over to God.

Today, as a treat, I bought some bacon.  Oh, yum.   I love bacon.  I need to get another Bacon Wave, though.  I use it for cooking the bacon, and it comes out delicious.

I also got additional, low carb, snacks to carry in my backpack.  I don't want to be caught out hungry with bad choices.  They're also things that work, for taking lithium.

OK, that's it for now.  I'm getting the hand tremor which is making it hard to type.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Bible Handout: Done

Bible handout; all done.

I had been prepping the Bibles for days.  I purchased greeting cards and signed each one, then put them with the Bibles.  The big ones got ribbon curls, the smaller ones got a gift bag.  I had about 200 items total.

Ron was pretty upset he had lost his player, and said he would get me there but he wasn't going to help in any way.  In fact, he said he would drop me and then leave

That would be a trick, being blind and in the wheelchair and all.

I got up, did my God time, and prayed on what to wear.  It was damp, cold, and a little drizzly.  I was thinking I'd need something warm, but I felt that I should just wear my long sleeve black thermal top and my black sweatpants.  I did.  I also wore my "crossing guard" style reflective vest.  I bought a jacket just in case.

I brought a wool blanket for Ron.

Our ride came and he was gaping at the setup.  I had a milk crate, a cardboard box, and a huge tote full of Bibles.  I had also brought the folding hand cart because Ron kept threatening to leave.

I told him I could take the bus, but he said no.  He just complained a lot.  :scratch

We got in and it was a straight trip.  Instead of starting at 7, I started at about a quarter 'till.  No one else on the corner.

It's interesting how it works, I can tell from some people's body language, they are very intrigued and probably a recipient.  One driver, at the light, was watching me set up, watching very intently.  I waved the sign at her and she rolled the window down.

BOOM.  2 down.

Then the next light cycle was completely dead, with indifferent people looking right through me.

That's the nice thing about a handout, it's very humbling.  No one laughed at me this time, that I saw :pound.  But a very large percentage of the people look right through me, or don't even look at all.  I told myself, some of them might be "bad" so it was a good thing, but so, so, many of them seemed so profoundly unhappy.  I wanted to hug them and impart God's love to them, but I couldn't.   All I could do was hold my sign, next to their car, and pray for them.

I brought Ron the "little" sign.  He held it up and he had at least a couple recipients out of it.  They ignored me, but as they pulled up to the light they actually SAW Ron and decided, huh, I'll take one.

At first it was pretty typical; I'd hand out a couple Bibles at a time, to one or two cars, then several "dead" light cycles.  As it got later, the cars stacked up and I had an EXPLOSION!

At one point, it seemed as though every car at the light, wanted Bibles.  More than one.  How many could they get?  3?  4!  I want one for my sister!  I was running around like a cyclone, shoving Bibles in car windows, getting honked at, run to the next, give them Bibles, HONK!  Run to the next car and the one after that!

Whoo!  After that, I needed a break!  I was running around so much my glasses were fogging up.

The Spanish went really fast, like they always do.

Some of the recipients were clearly touched by the effort I'd taken, with the gift bags.  I found that really satisfying.  It took me days to do them all up!

I kept running back to my boxes for refills, panting.  :lol   Plenty of "open hearts for the gospel!"

My favorites:
Young man got off the bus, crossed right in front of me.  Clearly buying a gift.  I gave him 2, one for him, one for his sweetie.  He loved them.

The gray pickup wanted a Bible, right as the light changed.  I begged him to come back, and he did.  It was so rewarding to hand him a few.

3 guys got off the one bus, and transferred to another.  They had to walk right past me so I handed each of them a Bible as they passed.  And they took them!

I think the most interesting, I had bent over and several Spanish Gospels of John had fallen out of my bag.  I had gathered them up and held them in my hand.  I was walking back to my box after a fruitless poll of the cars, and a young Spanish guy crossed right in front of me.  I handed them off, he took them, and thanked me.
All the school bus drivers wanted a Bible.  I think every one I saw, took a Bible.

Speaking of school buses; a bus full of kids saw me and were clamoring for Bibles.  The bus was already moving, but boy that would have been great.

One woman told me, "My son saw you, and said 'Mommy, can I have a Bible?  Please let me have a free Bible!''  She came back and I gave them each one.

I have, in the past, handed a few Bibles to each person; but God let me know if someone asks for one, just give them the one.  I did that and had my fastest handout ever.

I handed out just short of 200 items today.

You know what's coming now: PLEASE pray for the recipients!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Don't sniff the jalapeño powder

Boy, am I beat.

I can tell the depression has arrived, too.

Busy couple of days, a lot of stocking, work, running errands.  Ron wrote a new tract "Dirty Diapers" (our best is still a dirty diaper in God's eyes, but faith in Him redeems us).  We're also talking about "Pull Your Pants Up" (God is done beating you for your sins, you just have to accept salvation).  He's handed out well over 300 "Don't take the mark" tracts.

I'm still "On" for the Valentine's Bible Handout.  I decided to put a nice "Praying for you" greeting card into each gift bag.  I signed about a third of them, so a lot of signing in my future.

Today, while out, I ran into a VOM (Voice of the Martyrs) representative at the Christian bookstore.  I had an interesting time talking to her while we waited on our ride.  Very few American Christians have any idea what it's like to be persecuted for their faith; or understand the level of persecution faced by other Christians today.

When we came home I had time for a short nap.  I needed it.  I can tell my lithium levels are climbing, today I had a pretty bad hand tremor.  It lasted for a couple of minutes, and I kept slapping the twitching hand with my good hand "Stop that!"  Oddly enough, it helped.  I was pushing my hand against a stationary object, so when I stopped, it stopped, but it was strange.

The vending machines are all behaving - now.  One of the snack machines was "biting" my customers, the door was clamping down on their hands.  I re-named it "Jaws" (because it's a biter), and fixed it.  The  customers aren't buying a lot of snacks or food but they ARE buying drinks.  Thank you, God.  The coffee machine is doing pretty well, too.

I went to Foodtown and got plenty of delicious meat.  A small pot roast, cube steaks, and pork chops cost me about $15 total.  Boy, it's a good thing this computer has spell check.  I am a bad speller when I'm at the "right" medication level.  Back to the meat, I cooked it all up.  I have plenty of delicious low carb, pre made meats.  I can just add some veggies and there's my meal.

I've got some green chili stew in the crock pot right now.  Some of my spices are a little old - that's the kind of thing I tend to buy when manic, and then when I'm depressed I just stick to salt.

I was digging around; the oregano was old, the cumin is fine, plenty of chopped garlic (I'm the kind of woman who always has a quart jar with chopped garlic, in the fridge), and pepper.  I wanted to put a little jalapeño powder since I don't have any fresh peppers.

I opened up the jar.  It was kind of lumpy.  I sniffed it.

Don't sniff the jalapeño powder.  It didn't burn, thank God, but boy I had a sneezing fit.  I decided, if it affected my nose it would also work on the taste buds, but I'll probably get rid of it if it gets lumpy again.  When I get manic again, I'll go through all the spices and get rid of the old stuff.  

I had saved some some change in a jar, and then cashed it in.  I bought myself a cast iron grinder.  I want to use it to grind up beans to make soup, or Ron's pintos.  Tomorrow I need to wash it (it has a definite odor of machine oil).

I didn't really notice much when people complained about food prices.  However, peanut butter has gone up a dollar a jar (I'm not presently eating it), and I noticed lentils, of all things, have gone up a quarter a pound.

I like lentils. They're cheap, they don't have a strong flavor, they don't trigger migraines (like pintos!), they taste good with pretty much any spice, they cook fast, and they have really high fiber.  But a quarter!

I was glad I already have some lentils!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

I have no problem with dying for my faith

No, I'm not depressed, not yet at least.  Do you ever wonder what people will say about you, after you're dead?  Maybe that's just something unique to my own special blend.

Some Texas missionaries were killed, in Mexico, recently.

It's hard for their families and friends that they died, but it is awesome that they are now in Heaven.  People said lovely things about them.

It got me wondering what people would say at my funeral.  "Did Heather ever give you a Bible?  Raise your hand"  (hopefully a lot of hands)  "She shared her faith with everyone"  "She had a heart for the unreached".  Well, I won't be there to hear it but I hope they mark my faith.

I'm sure this will sound completely bent, but I think it would be really cool if I did die doing something for God.  He's done so much for me.  I could finally meet Him and hopefully reach a lot more unreached.

I don't fear death.  Not at all.  Frankly, the idea of a very long life is horrifying.  

I actually have quite a few "martyr" themed songs, which I'm sure some will find deeply alarming.  Let me define: I would be happy to die for my faith.  I would NEVER kill for it.  I won't own a gun, and that's practically treason here in Texas.

Anyway, my playlist features "Martyr" by Theocracy, "Signed up to Die" by Thi'sl (try singing that one in public and you will terrorize the normals, not just scare them), "Fanatics" - "I'll rep Christ 'till I D I E",  "Nailed" (They'll say that I must be burned), you get the idea.

I have no problem with dying for my faith.  In my eyes, LIVING for my faith is the terrifying, difficult, prospect.  A task I can only manage, appropriately enough, with God's help.  Ron died in the accident.  He swears God flips a circuit breaker and you don't feel a thing - considering the man got hit by a car, while walking, and then dragged 2 blocks, I'm inclined to believe him.

God needs me working, on Earth, for now.  Today I handed out 5 Bibles.  I was happy to do it.  Sure, some people acted weird.  One recipient acted like the Bible was rabid, but she took it.  I don't care if someone laughs at me, points, or stares, if it means they might take a Bible.

I hate it when people stare, but not on a handout.  I'd do it naked if it meant more recipients.

Many people, take a Bible while laughing at me, when I'm doing a handout.  That's fine.  I don't care if you laugh at me, if I can share my faith.

My God is FANTASTIC.  I don't see how anyone makes it without Him.

Don't forget, I'm praying for you every day.  ((((hugs)))

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Dear dog, please let me sleep!

To start it off, I'll cheat a little [insert "neighbor's dog barking all night for several nights in a row, going to make me snap....SHUT UP DOG rant"]  I started off rather sleep deprived.

I asked God to help me, I would need the help.  [What really bugs me, the stupid dog is completely quiet now.  Probably getting a nice long rest so it can bark all night again.]

I could type out a whole tirade, all the many reasons I don't like dogs, but I will save that for a day when I'm better rested and calmer.  On this poor foundation, I had to get up at 5 AM.  I delayed my God Time.

No headache at first but boy it showed up later.  I am getting desperate.  Will these things never end?  Do I need to taper on soda?  Caffeine?  Aspartame?

Something is clawing at my window.  I really don't want to know what that is.  I will call it my cat.  However, it is not saying meow, either.

We had a long trip to the wholesale warehouse, it was so late dropping us they had to change our pickup.  I got our supplies.  We had a good ride to work.  I stocked everything, but a lot of stress.  The headache throbbed.

[Whatever was at the window went away]  I was just tired and cranky.  Is it too much to want a good night's sleep?

I did everything I needed to do, except mashing down the cardboard.  About that time, I got hungry.

That's when I remembered: I had planned to buy myself some meat sticks at the whole sale club.  I just tell them it is a "personal" and pay tax on it (items for resale are exempt, and we only exempt items we sell, then pay sales tax as required).  Agh!

I looked in my bag.  I had very little money, only a few dollars.  I decided to shop at the competition.   I took a few dollars and went to the other vendor's area.  Ah.  Meat sticks.  I got 2 packages and took my lithium.

One of my snack machines was "biting" the customers.  They couldn't get their snacks out of the machine, it was locking down on their hands.  Ooops.  It even "bit" me!  I got the screwdriver and opened it up.  Ron kept making helpful comments like "Don't break it" and "Maybe you should wait for the repairman".

I finally told him, I've been fixing your machines for 10 years.  Do you want me to stop now so you can pay someone else to do it?  He "let' me finish  I prayed about it and figured out which screw needed adjustment.  All done.

I saved Ron, and the State program, $65.

Finally, time to go home.  I was starving and kept having visions of delicious bacon cheeseburgers.  About the time we got home, our buddy Chuck showed up.  Yay!  Bunless bacon cheeseburger for me, and a trip to the liquor store for Ron.

I didn't help.  I waited in the car.

When we got home my tracts had arrived.  Yay!  They look great.  I guess today is just part and parcel; the stress that goes before a Bible Handout.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Naughty Bits

It got off to a good start:  Ron happily slurping something out of a cup as I staggered out of the bedroom, my head (still) pounding.  "Mmm!  Mmm!"

He heard me.  "Oh, Heather, you are the best cook.  I ate the last of my jar of beans (the pintos with sausage I canned up), and now I'm eating your gumbo (also canned)!   Oh, it's SO GOOD!"  Wow.  That was a nice start.

I can always use a compliment!  I took my "headache relief tablets" and got on the scale.  Oh, up half a pound.  Something told me to get out the tape measure.  I did.  Waist, down half an inch.

I thought about tracking, and posting, my butt measurements but thought that might cause issues with guys.  From what I hear, and I have a limited field here, some guys, have major lust issues and would rather not hear any references to "naughty bits".

I'm sure Ron would tell them to "Suck it up" - a standard reply; but I wouldn't want someone waving a fresh-baked cinnamon roll under my nose, either.  But, then I have to say, well isn't that encouraging some guys to be tyrants?  Do I end up in a burka?

Anyway, I'm sticking with waist measurements only.  Frankly, the thought of some unknown internet pervert getting EXCITED over my hip measurement is revolting.

Once I mashed the headache into a corner, we went to Foodtown.  I had to get some items for Ron, and I did.  Then I got personal groceries.  Canned green beans, I love the things.  So, I got 6 cans.  I got some name brand veggie juice.

I got some hard cheese and then I had a look at the meats.  I was thinking, stir-fry.  I didn't see any stir fry meat but I was drawn to the cube steaks.

If I have a meat weakness, it is cube steaks.  I got a nice package of sirloin bottom round cube steaks for about $6.  The pork chops looked good, not a lot of bone either.  They were only $3, and had a great sell by date.  I'll give Bubba the bones.  If I throw them away, he gets into the cabinet, knocks over the trash, and gnaws the bones anyway.  My cat is a barbarian.

I saw a lot of chuck pot roast.  I am not a fan.  What's that?  Ah, a delicious, small, bottom round roast.  It was very reasonably priced, good sell by date.   Yum.  It's been ages since I had pot roast.

Ron's items took up most of the cart.  I was glad I'd stopped buying soda.

I didn't need any veggies, besides the canned green beans and veggie juice.  I have tons of veggies in the garden.  I need to start eating them.

I'll probably do a stir-fry tonight, with a pork chop or cube steak.

We got home and I was just exhausted.  I put up the groceries (I think I'm still detoxing), and took a long nap.  I woke up and started cleaning the front room, taking out 2 + trash bags.  I organized what was left, all the evangelism stuff is in one area, light bulbs are under the side table, etc.

The horrible headache keeps returning, but I'll ask God to give me a good appetite for dinner.  I'm sure it will be delicious.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Not the house

Ugh.  I have another squirrel in my soffit.  Very annoying.  I turned on Ron's battery operated radio and left it up there.

Ha!  Ron kept saying I was just hallucinating, he didn't hear anything (well, he wouldn't he's partially deaf, too).  I sat here in my chair.  Rustle, rustle.  Some kind of chewing sound.  I snapped.

I stormed outside and grabbed my rake.  WHACK WHACK.  All the way down the side of the house.  I could hear the scurrying now, I was scaring the heck out of SOMETHING.

It wasn't until after the fact; that I allowed myself to consider it could have been something vicious, up there.  WHACK WHACK!  Scurry!  WHACK!  Running now, and OUT!

"Ha!  I gotcha ya little (profanity referring to illegitimacy)!"  The freaked out squirrel turned and regarded me.  I brandished the rake.  "GET OUT OF MY ATTIC!"  It turned and bolted.  Good.

Too bad we don't have a video blog of that!

I KNEW something was up there.  I could hear it every day at sundown.

My main problem is the show "infested".  It's a show on TV about people who suffered infestations of bugs, spiders, rodents, squirrels, etc.  It's impossible to sleep after watching the show, yet it's oddly compelling.  [shudder]

Thank you, Jesus, that it WAS a squirrel.  A raccoon, possum, or rat would have been dreadful, and I've seen all 3 in the neighborhood.

When I was a kid I liked squirrels, I thought they were cute.  I was wary of them, my adoptive Mom always told me a story of being bitten by a cute baby squirrel she found one day.  Mom fed the birds and by default that means squirrels, so I'm used to them.

They can live in the TREE - not the HOUSE.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Exodus 18:18

I found it funny.  The other day, Ron wanted to play me some music.

We have redundant systems, my music is backed up on his PC, etc.  So, he had access to my entire library. Which one did he choose?

"Dum Dum" by Tedashii.  You can Youtube it; basically he says "I don't care if they think I'm a dum-dum, I'm still going to preach the gospel".

I had to mention it; the song just came up on my playlist.

Today has gone surprisingly well.  Sam got back to me regarding the tracts; they will print them up for me. I already sent them a donation, enough to cover the tracts, shipping, and tracts for some other distributor.  I have a really hard time asking for help with the Bible Handouts; but my bible study today had Exodus 18:18 - where Moses' father in law, Jethro, tells him "You need to ask for help; you can't do it on your own."  Good point, Lord.

Happily, that means I only need to run to the Bible store and get some more for the handout.  I'm happy to do that, and I may get Ron's help for that trip.  It's really hard to lug bibles home on the bus; although sometimes they sight of a cart brimming with Bibles ends up triggering a mini-handout!  [grin]  I'll pray on that.

I thought today would be really harsh, but it isn't.  I credit it to people praying for me; I let them know on Facebook.  I had some whopper headaches from caffeine withdrawal.

I intend to taper on that.  I had some stay awake pills in the disaster kit.  I'll take one a day for a few days.  Then half a pill.  Then a quarter.  I have a pill cutter so I can do it.

Today, though, I got into the Excedrin, which of course has caffeine.  Tomorrow I start the taper.

I've done well, just drinking water and low carb foods.  I intend to have a whey shake every day - it's good protein and best of all, I can take my medication.

It can be rather challenging to find a menu item; filling enough to take the medication without stomach pains, not greasy, easily tolerated when queasy, etc.  The shakes fit the bill.

I can't abide those processed, pre made shakes.  I get horrible migraines if I even look at them.  So I put the powdered whey into milk.

I took it pretty easy today; just Walmart and home.  Took a nap.  I feel good, except for an awful taste in my mouth.

I plan to check out Stash tea for some nice decaf teas.  That would be a nice reward for staying on plan.  I got some cheap generic brand decaf teas today at Walmart.  They aren't bad, and have antioxidants if nothing else.

Tomorrow we run to a feed store.  Ron offered to take me, I accepted.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

"Where to Look"

When I was a teen, one of my favorite songs was "What have I done to deserve this?"  I always knew something was wrong, I just didn't have a name.

Today was a good day, actually.  The song just came up on my playlist as I typed.  Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it would all work out.

We got up early and went to the warehouse club.  I had fun playing my favorite game "Guess the business!" as we waited on our ride.  If I see someone with a lot of little juice boxes, wet wipes, diapers, and bleach, probably a safe bet it's a daycare.  Today we had a guy with lots of bottled water, granola bars, coffee, and complements.  I correctly guessed "Office".

Most people are happy to tell me, and I have fun.  I still don't see myself as an extrovert, but I know I am.  I love interacting with the public, and complete strangers.  That's a good thing, as I approach another Bible handout!

Oh, by the way, I found the perfect verse:

Matthew 22:9

New International Version (NIV)
9 So go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.’

I just thought that was fantastic.  I discovered it during my God Time.  

So, I went to the warehouse, went to work, stocked, and came home.  I took a little time in my garden.  

Everything is lush, green, and huge.  I planted some buckwheat in garden bed 2.  I accidentally weeded a sugar snap pea, so I planted a few seeds.  I threw some buckwheat in my new garden bed, too.  I'll have to cover it if we get a cold snap, but they provide a lot of green material for compost.  They also smother weeds.  

My pole bean, and the onion, are still growing in the compost pile.  I find that funny, and intriguing.  I've read of planting squash in the compost.  I have some interesting varieties I'd like to try, I've got plenty of sun, and plenty of room on that side of the yard.  Interesting possibilities.  

I started pretty small with the garden, and gradually add a new 15 square feet or so every year.  I want to keep it manageable and fun.  

My collards and kale are massive.  I could feed 3 blocks' worth of families from one plant.  Most of the onions are doing well (I had the transplants in a very dry, warm, house for 2 months after purchase, I'm amazed any of them lived).  The potatoes are huge, you can't even see the soil in that garden bed.  I savagely pruned my frilly purple kale (I figured out it is a "Redbor"), and it's still growing along  I'm glad; the potatoes are big enough to compete with the kale.  I don't need to prune it any more unless it's for dinner.  

I planted the Sugar Snap peas over a period of about 8 weeks, another few feet of row every couple weeks.  The first batch are about ready to bloom.  Yum.  I estimate delicious sugar snaps in about 2 weeks.  The chard is huge, about the size of a 5 gallon bucket.  Even the favas look good.  

I need to fertilize; and eventually I need to buy more fertilizer.  I think I'll just get a 25 pound bag and keep it in a lidded, 5 gallon bucket.  

I need to plant the clover.  It did very well sprouting and the roots are growing out of their little peat pots.  I plan to plant it in the pathways, it will provide a green cover, bee attractant (I need bees for pollination), and some nourishment for curious roots from the garden beds.  

Once I get that done, I need to harvest some of my greens, the arugula and mustard in particular.  I need to plant more greens, too.  When I'm eating lowcarb I like a lot of veggies and greens.  It's better if I grow it, I can pick it and eat it for dinner.  I don't have to worry about something decaying in the fridge.  

Speaking of, I cleaned out the fridge tonight.  Back to my day: after working in the garden, Ron took me to our favorite taqueria.  They had a special on fajitas.  I ate my share and realized I could easily low carb it.  

We got home, I took a nap, a little more work in the garden, God Time, etc.  

Tomorrow I cut out the sugar, aspartame, and caffeine.  It should be a rough couple days to week.  

I also need to prepare for my Bible Handout.  That means I need to organize the front room and start stuffing Bibles.  I gotta have tracts for that, so I contacted my "guy".  

I am hoping he can print up the "Where to Look in the New Testament"s for me, and just mail them.  Then I only need to put them in the Bibles and load them into the handcart.  

It takes about 4 hours on a day off to run off "Where to look" at the copy shop.  

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

All in

I lay in bed last night, it was 2 AM.  I could feel the bugs all over my body, biting, crawling, and jumping.  I had suffered with them for a couple nights running.   I tore up the bed looking for them, disturbing the cat, and seriously considered fumigating.  I had to get rid of those bugs.

My problem was that they didn't exist.  I was hallucinating.  I still am.  I can feel something crawling in my hair, but I know it doesn't exist.

You've heard a lot about Ron.  So, when I heard him making alert noises, I got out of bed, and told him I was having problems with invisible bugs.  He talked me out of using the pesticide, talked to me as I took my protocol medication (If I hallucinate, I take another dose of something, per Doc), and encouraged me as I waited for it to kick in.

For all appearances, he was delighted to see me, sorry I was "ill" and couldn't have been nicer or more matter-of-fact.  I imagine most "normals" would run screaming.

Happily, today I had an appointment to see Doc.  First, though, we went to the grocery store.  I got a few things and came back home, then we got our next ride.  Doc is a ways off; we rode for nearly 2 hours.

When we got in to see him, he had a resident with him.  I am always happy to discuss my illness, symptoms, and management with anyone.  Especially the prescribing doctors of tomorrow.

I shared my test results and Doc agreed the lithium level was terrible.  He agreed my new dose sounded about right, and told me to get another test in 6 weeks.  He said the bugs are usually related to stimulants and/or anxiety.

So, I intend to cut out my only stimulant, the diet soda.  Doc was very nice as he told me I need to lose the weight; he's worried about my health.  Ron was clearly also concerned about my health.

I'd be a real idiot to ignore that.  I like to think I'm not an idiot.

So, I'll be low-carbing again, AND getting rid of diet soda.  It means a rough couple weeks for me, a lot of migraines, but I will come out of it a lot healthier at the end.

And if kicking the bugs means kicking the soda, I'm all in.

A trip to the hematologist

I slept OK but woke up really tired.  I hit the snooze alarm a few times, much to Biscuit's disgust.  But I'm getting ahead of mys...