Showing posts from February, 2012

"A big one carried him off"

We went into work and someone had put notes on the machines, saying they had bugs (they don't).  Nice attack on our business.

I found it kind of an odd answer for my problem.  I didn't have any inventory; we had spent the months' budget and have to wait until March to buy more.  I worried the machines would look bad, and empty.  Kind of irrelevant, after that.

Now, as a counter, let's talk about nasty people.  People who bring in a lunch and leave it on the shelf for a week.  People who leave an open can of soda on the shelf for 4 days.  The same can.  I left a telltale, it would have fallen if someone had actually accessed the soda.  If a bug is going to visit, don't you think it's going to go for the nasty leftovers and the open can of soda?   These shelves are maybe 4 yards from the vending machines.

However, I am up to my armpits in the machines, stocking them every day.  I haven't seen anything, and I would.  All the food is completely wrapped, and …

It's a good day

Today I met two people.  I have met both of them before.

The first was an older woman.  I'm trying to think of a delicate way to convey her without being ugly.  I will simply repeat some of her comments:  "George Bush (Sr) ruined the black community.  He put crack cocaine in the neighborhoods because he knew they couldn't afford (pure cocaine).  He made sure it was so addictive they would get hooked the first time they used it."  Things continued in that vein for a while.  A lot of self-pity, too.  Having stated things in her words, I think you will conclude that she was not educated, racist, and unpleasant.  She tried to tell Ron and I we must be "so rich" because "We're always going to the bank".  Say what?  We haven't even seen the woman in over a year.  So, envy and coveting, too.  I told her "We could get food stamps" and she scoffed at me.  What was it?  My Walmart flip flops?  The $5 warmup shorts and $3 tshirt?  My top o…

Dear Spammer

Dear spammer; if I want a naked man I can just see my husband.  He's plenty hot.

Christian dating site: why are you spamming a married woman?  No Christian man would want to engage an adulteress.  If he wants to, he isn't a Christian.

The only time I owned a designer purse, it was a gift.  I had no idea how much it cost until years later.  The leather lining should have been a clue.  Sorry about the hand lotion.  That's why I carry a cheap mesh backpack (which has rivaled the performance of my Jansport airlift backpack; which I owned for over 5 years).

My shoes cost $20.  Workboots.  I like them.  When I'm not in the boots, I'm wearing flip-flops, or some plastic imitation designer clogs I bought for $1.09 at Giant Dollar.

I pay no attention to jean labels or t-shirts.  I prefer 100% cotton, and pockets.  A pocket-tshirt, and nice deep front pockets on the jeans so I don't have to worry about things falling out.

PS - Blogger comes with a spam blocker, whic…

The Wringer

I'd like to think I was truly grateful for all the good in my life.  It would shame me to think I hadn't given God thanks for the everyday luxuries I enjoy every day.

Example, today I went to Foodtown.  If I get there at JUST the right time, I can "catch" the ground-beef-for-$1-a-pound-at-the-sell-by-date-special.  Today, happily, I did.  I got 8 pounds, and made cheddar burgers (I'm sure Foodtown was happy to sell me the spices and sharp grated cheddar cheese, too).  It took me hours but it's worthwhile.

Besides, I needed to stay busy.  Today my mind went through the wringer.

The sad thing, no external provocation (other than a few spiritual things like the Bible handout last week).  Just, trouble.  Weird thoughts.  Paranoia.  Obsessive thoughts about a subject, and ugly ones, too.  It's like I was in an all-day sword fight.

Parry thrust, Lord, help me take my thoughts captive.  Lunge - Bad Thoughts are back.  "Put Your thoughts in my head, Lord…

Do it

My internet's been a little iffy today.  Hopefully I'll get this up.

I got a lot of sleep last night, but learned I have to turn over very carefully.  I accidentally got a sheet wrapped around my bad toe, and let me tell you, I won't do that again.  It was definitely yelling BROKEN at me.

Even though I didn't miss a milligram of medication, I've just been in a horrid mood all day.  It's a good thing I have had internet trouble.

I can tell when I go looking for fights.  Yes, I do.  [sigh]  NOT proud of that.  Fortunately God didn't let me find any.

Ron and I had a very pointless argument about a keyboard.  I felt he should get rid of it, he wants to use it.  I've been so horribly cranky I can't reason well.

And I'll restate, I took everything.  I took a whole day's worth of lithium at dinner last night (OK by Doc).  I took my morning dose, and my noon dose.  I'm about to take my night dose, and all the pain stuff I took yesterday is …


HORRIBLE migraine today.

Happily, I was just able to eat and take my meds.  I hate it when I start hallucinating during a bad migraine, reality gets really weird and scary.

Not tonight, thank God.

I ate chocolate.  I cannot eat chocolate anymore, that's clear.

Why I don't watch the news

As a school girl, I got into trouble with my teachers.  I didn't have my homework.  I had a hard time understanding long division.  I got into a fight with a bully.

My adoptive mother used to sigh, and I could practically hear her begging God for some help.   One day, though, she had an unusual request to take me home.

My elementary school utilized window unit air conditioners.  They were encased in metal "cages" to prevent theft or tampering (you know kids).

One day before class, several other kids stood in front of the air conditioner, staring intently.  A small brown sparrow had fallen into the cage and gotten stuck, fluttering helplessly and desperately at the metal bars.

I was horrified.  I wanted to save the bird.  Flutter, flutter.  The sound of our voices really upset the poor thing.

A teacher came by, and I pleaded with her to release the bird.  "I can't," she replied "I don't have the key to open the cage."  I sobbed.  What woul…

A very small price to pay

As I was tallying my day, I thought, it didn't sound very fun!

Got up at 5 AM.  Shower, God Time.  Headache.  Took Excedrin.  Ate breakfast, took medication.  Horribly queasy for several hours afterward.

We went to the wholesale warehouse.  I got some supplies.  I forgot to buy a cup from the register, so I had to go to the deli to buy a cup (I had vainly hoped some diet carbonation might help the nausea).  While standing at the counter, I realized I could not feel more nauseous.

Generally, I avoid buying Ron a hot dog because the smell makes me gag.  Something about the Wellbutrin, hates sausage.  The scent of the hot dog makes me ill.

However, I didn't feel any worse, smelling it now, so I went ahead and got Ron one.  He sure didn't mind.

We had a good ride to work, I got the handcart and stocked the machines.  The repairman came out and we fixed the food machines.  I did a pull, tallied it, and we went to the bank to deposit.

I told Ron I would wait a week on my p…

I don't want to hear about your bowel movements.

I don't.  Please don't tell me about your bowel movements. That is TMI.

I am sick of the ads for the "yogurt that makes you poop".  The people act so relieved that they're "regular" now.  PLEASE.

If you don't screw with your body and eat nourishing foods, your body can take care of itself.  Every body has it's own system.  You don't need to eat special yogurts, take laxatives, or take purgatives to "cleanse your colon".

I remember one time, back when I was eating low fat.  (I got fat this time because I ate sugar, let's be clear) I guess I had watched one too many ads on TV or read an article on "sluggish digestion".  I got some of the "Dieter's Tea".  I drank it.

I sure went to the bathroom, but as I sat on the toilet looking at the blood all over the toilet paper, it dawned on me that it was a BAD IDEA to screw with my system.  I threw the tea out and have never used another product again.

Plenty …

Delivering the promised video blog

Figured it out.

This was take 3.

UGH. Getting jowly! So, so, glad I already went low carb. Around 8:30 you get a good look at my hair. It's getting pretty long.

I stacked the camera on two books. Next time I'll just put it on one. :)

Here come the videos

Test video featuring Bubba

It's an old one, from years ago.  Add a couple of pounds to Bubs and you've got him today.  He is sitting on the kitty condo.

Three Peeves and a Cowbird Kiss

OK!  OK!  I will do a video blog and attempt to upload.

Pray for me, I'll need it.

Kind of peeved about a couple of issues, I have to go to bed pretty early.

Short versions:
Christians who don't prepare for any kind of disaster.  The Bible is clear, hard times ahead.  Some are lazy.  Some see it as a faith issue, if I have any "preps" then I am not exhibiting faith in God.  Some, who flat out seem to say, the only way one can demonstrate faith in God is a completely empty larder.  And then they get angry when I say "After the hurricane, I was glad I had the turkey spam.  No fresh meat for weeks.  No vegetables, but I grow my own.  No way to get to the distribution center and no one who brought us food.  No paratransit for a week!  Sure glad I had a couple extra cans in the pantry"  Baffled.  Not sure I want to try to understand.

It's not just internet, I know plenty of regular people who have no disaster kit.  Come on, people.  FEMA says 3 days.  Do…

Worse than the theft...

The thing I hate, most of all, is the assumption that I'm stupid.  I'm not.

Sure, I have limits.  I have meds.  But I'm not an idiot and nothing makes me angrier than the assumption.

Take a repairman, for instance.  He had requested a key to the machines, so "I can work on them when you're not around".  I always thought it was a bad idea but Ron overruled me.

So, the man was given a key.  We had shortages.

I finally convinced Ron to change the locks.  Only he would have a key.  Ron, I knew, on some level had even doubted me.  I had nothing to lose by giving up my key.

I had always suspected the repairman.

Ron told him his plan to change the locks.  "Oh, don't do that!" He was very concerned  "You don't need to do that!"  Ron kept telling him, look, Buddy, it's my business and I'm changing the locks.  The guy said he would charge a lot of money to install the locks, "Heather can install the locks".

The guy t…

Cliff Notes

Here's the latest tract Ron's been handing out.  He wrote it himself:

Here are Cliff Notes for the Bible.  For those of you who've never read The Bible!  (I think it's too long anyway, should have had a short version to be read in one or two days!) So, #1.  Jesus is the son of God. #2.  He came here to Earth, and was whipped thirty-nine times, then was nailed to a cross, for us! And after three days, He was brought back to life, just to teach us there's life after this one! That was truly a bad day! He took our whipping, so we wouldn't have to get one.  Why?  I honestly don't know! THEY SAY He loves us, but I wouldn't! I think He loves too much, and the wrong crowd, but, I'm very glad He does! The Bible says there's none good, no, not even one!  After living today, I believe it! I've read that our best deeds are like dirty diapers to Him, but we think we're cool!  Just ask us! We humans do all kinds of dumb stuff!   #3.  If we want to be with Him in…


Depression is trying to sniff around.  For me, right now, that means a pretty low energy level.

The really bad typing?  That's the lithium!

Oh, speaking of:  prescriptions now have the diagnosis on the slip.  At least mine did.

I am accustomed to getting the run-around when I get my refills.  Since I have never made a suicide attempt, I am "permitted" 3 month refills.  You would not want 200+ lithium tablets in the hands of someone who is in the habit of overdosing.

I'm not, if I can't battle anymore I get help.  God is clear on that.  One day I'll tell you about my first suicidal depression.

Anyway, not whining, but when I have limited energy; I have to spend it like money.

I'm sure the easily offended, gossipy, judger types will love this:  last night I did dishes.  I had about a week of dishes piled up in the sink.  They were trying to escape the sink.

So, I had to do that.  After the dishes I had no energy left.

That's the paradox I had th…

Bible Handout: Done

Bible handout; all done.

I had been prepping the Bibles for days.  I purchased greeting cards and signed each one, then put them with the Bibles.  The big ones got ribbon curls, the smaller ones got a gift bag.  I had about 200 items total.

Ron was pretty upset he had lost his player, and said he would get me there but he wasn't going to help in any way.  In fact, he said he would drop me and then leave

That would be a trick, being blind and in the wheelchair and all.

I got up, did my God time, and prayed on what to wear.  It was damp, cold, and a little drizzly.  I was thinking I'd need something warm, but I felt that I should just wear my long sleeve black thermal top and my black sweatpants.  I did.  I also wore my "crossing guard" style reflective vest.  I bought a jacket just in case.

I brought a wool blanket for Ron.

Our ride came and he was gaping at the setup.  I had a milk crate, a cardboard box, and a huge tote full of Bibles.  I had also brought the …

Don't sniff the jalapeño powder

Boy, am I beat.

I can tell the depression has arrived, too.

Busy couple of days, a lot of stocking, work, running errands.  Ron wrote a new tract "Dirty Diapers" (our best is still a dirty diaper in God's eyes, but faith in Him redeems us).  We're also talking about "Pull Your Pants Up" (God is done beating you for your sins, you just have to accept salvation).  He's handed out well over 300 "Don't take the mark" tracts.

I'm still "On" for the Valentine's Bible Handout.  I decided to put a nice "Praying for you" greeting card into each gift bag.  I signed about a third of them, so a lot of signing in my future.

Today, while out, I ran into a VOM (Voice of the Martyrs) representative at the Christian bookstore.  I had an interesting time talking to her while we waited on our ride.  Very few American Christians have any idea what it's like to be persecuted for their faith; or understand the level of persec…

I have no problem with dying for my faith

No, I'm not depressed, not yet at least.  Do you ever wonder what people will say about you, after you're dead?  Maybe that's just something unique to my own special blend.

Some Texas missionaries were killed, in Mexico, recently.

It's hard for their families and friends that they died, but it is awesome that they are now in Heaven.  People said lovely things about them.

It got me wondering what people would say at my funeral.  "Did Heather ever give you a Bible?  Raise your hand"  (hopefully a lot of hands)  "She shared her faith with everyone"  "She had a heart for the unreached".  Well, I won't be there to hear it but I hope they mark my faith.

I'm sure this will sound completely bent, but I think it would be really cool if I did die doing something for God.  He's done so much for me.  I could finally meet Him and hopefully reach a lot more unreached.

I don't fear death.  Not at all.  Frankly, the idea of a very long…

Dear dog, please let me sleep!

To start it off, I'll cheat a little [insert "neighbor's dog barking all night for several nights in a row, going to make me snap....SHUT UP DOG rant"]  I started off rather sleep deprived.

I asked God to help me, I would need the help.  [What really bugs me, the stupid dog is completely quiet now.  Probably getting a nice long rest so it can bark all night again.]

I could type out a whole tirade, all the many reasons I don't like dogs, but I will save that for a day when I'm better rested and calmer.  On this poor foundation, I had to get up at 5 AM.  I delayed my God Time.

No headache at first but boy it showed up later.  I am getting desperate.  Will these things never end?  Do I need to taper on soda?  Caffeine?  Aspartame?

Something is clawing at my window.  I really don't want to know what that is.  I will call it my cat.  However, it is not saying meow, either.

We had a long trip to the wholesale warehouse, it was so late dropping us they had …

Naughty Bits

It got off to a good start:  Ron happily slurping something out of a cup as I staggered out of the bedroom, my head (still) pounding.  "Mmm!  Mmm!"

He heard me.  "Oh, Heather, you are the best cook.  I ate the last of my jar of beans (the pintos with sausage I canned up), and now I'm eating your gumbo (also canned)!   Oh, it's SO GOOD!"  Wow.  That was a nice start.

I can always use a compliment!  I took my "headache relief tablets" and got on the scale.  Oh, up half a pound.  Something told me to get out the tape measure.  I did.  Waist, down half an inch.

I thought about tracking, and posting, my butt measurements but thought that might cause issues with guys.  From what I hear, and I have a limited field here, some guys, have major lust issues and would rather not hear any references to "naughty bits".

I'm sure Ron would tell them to "Suck it up" - a standard reply; but I wouldn't want someone waving a fresh-bake…

Not the house

Ugh.  I have another squirrel in my soffit.  Very annoying.  I turned on Ron's battery operated radio and left it up there.

Ha!  Ron kept saying I was just hallucinating, he didn't hear anything (well, he wouldn't he's partially deaf, too).  I sat here in my chair.  Rustle, rustle.  Some kind of chewing sound.  I snapped.

I stormed outside and grabbed my rake.  WHACK WHACK.  All the way down the side of the house.  I could hear the scurrying now, I was scaring the heck out of SOMETHING.

It wasn't until after the fact; that I allowed myself to consider it could have been something vicious, up there.  WHACK WHACK!  Scurry!  WHACK!  Running now, and OUT!

"Ha!  I gotcha ya little (profanity referring to illegitimacy)!"  The freaked out squirrel turned and regarded me.  I brandished the rake.  "GET OUT OF MY ATTIC!"  It turned and bolted.  Good.

Too bad we don't have a video blog of that!

I KNEW something was up there.  I could hear it ever…

Exodus 18:18

I found it funny.  The other day, Ron wanted to play me some music.

We have redundant systems, my music is backed up on his PC, etc.  So, he had access to my entire library. Which one did he choose?

"Dum Dum" by Tedashii.  You can Youtube it; basically he says "I don't care if they think I'm a dum-dum, I'm still going to preach the gospel".

I had to mention it; the song just came up on my playlist.

Today has gone surprisingly well.  Sam got back to me regarding the tracts; they will print them up for me. I already sent them a donation, enough to cover the tracts, shipping, and tracts for some other distributor.  I have a really hard time asking for help with the Bible Handouts; but my bible study today had Exodus 18:18 - where Moses' father in law, Jethro, tells him "You need to ask for help; you can't do it on your own."  Good point, Lord.

Happily, that means I only need to run to the Bible store and get some more for the handout…

"Where to Look"

When I was a teen, one of my favorite songs was "What have I done to deserve this?"  I always knew something was wrong, I just didn't have a name.

Today was a good day, actually.  The song just came up on my playlist as I typed.  Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and tell myself it would all work out.

We got up early and went to the warehouse club.  I had fun playing my favorite game "Guess the business!" as we waited on our ride.  If I see someone with a lot of little juice boxes, wet wipes, diapers, and bleach, probably a safe bet it's a daycare.  Today we had a guy with lots of bottled water, granola bars, coffee, and complements.  I correctly guessed "Office".

Most people are happy to tell me, and I have fun.  I still don't see myself as an extrovert, but I know I am.  I love interacting with the public, and complete strangers.  That's a good thing, as I approach another Bible handout!

Oh, by the way, I found the perfect ver…

All in

I lay in bed last night, it was 2 AM.  I could feel the bugs all over my body, biting, crawling, and jumping.  I had suffered with them for a couple nights running.   I tore up the bed looking for them, disturbing the cat, and seriously considered fumigating.  I had to get rid of those bugs.

My problem was that they didn't exist.  I was hallucinating.  I still am.  I can feel something crawling in my hair, but I know it doesn't exist.

You've heard a lot about Ron.  So, when I heard him making alert noises, I got out of bed, and told him I was having problems with invisible bugs.  He talked me out of using the pesticide, talked to me as I took my protocol medication (If I hallucinate, I take another dose of something, per Doc), and encouraged me as I waited for it to kick in.

For all appearances, he was delighted to see me, sorry I was "ill" and couldn't have been nicer or more matter-of-fact.  I imagine most "normals" would run screaming.