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Showing posts from September, 2011

Canning world

I'm still pretty tired.  Run down from fighting the bladder infection?  Battling a mild depression?  Probably both. 

Ron's been very appreciative.  It's nice to hear.  It means a lot to hear "You were a huge help today, I couldn't run this business without you."   And "I'm so glad you're in my life"; especially when coupled with pretty positive energy, and minimal drinking. 

For instance, he just paid the flood insurance - when redistricted, we ended up in a "flood plain".  We are now required to carry flood insurance as a condition of our mortgage.  The house flooded ONCE, in a 500 year flood (2001), and that's when the sheriff went down our street in the airboat.  It wasn't the flood that got the house; it was the WAKE.  Agh. 

He paid the extra $14 for more coverage.  Pray God we never need it.  I'm trying to view it as charitable support for those in the flooded areas this year.  Ron and I just made a lovely $1,00…

A few anwers

I'm sure some people end up on my page, reading about my life, and wonder "Heather, why do you have your faith?  It seems like this 'God' you love has given you a lot of pain!  How can you worship that?"  I'm actually ASKED this question, by my husband, on occasion. 

I have a couple of answers to that: One, no matter what has happened in my life, God has always been there.  Pretty much every PERSON on my life has failed me, but God never fails.  He has always carried me through the pain, sent me someone with an encouraging word, or just wrapped me in his comfort as I sobbed hopelessly in the dark.  No matter what happens, I am NEVER alone. 

Two, I'm an arrogant person!  I am full of pride, and not the "Pride-in-a-job-well-done", but the ugly, haughty, "I'm better than you" pride that is condemned in the Bible.  God allows pain and humiliation in my life to remind me, I'm just the servant.  God is in control.  HE is the only j…
I'm sick of being sick. 

I KNOW I'm not drinking enough fluids, so I'm still in some pain from the bladder infection.  My goal is simple, whack it before I need to see a doctor, pay more money, and get MORE antibiotics. 

Too bad they don't have a doctor vending machine.  It would have things like pregnancy tests, antibiotics for bladder infections, anti-nausea stuff and hydration drinks for vomiting illnesses, burn ointment, etc. 

Which leads me to a peeve.  Years ago, our employee Debbie suggested we put home remedies into vending machines.  We could staple them onto cardboard, and then put them in.  I thought it was great, and started doing it.  My head was so massively screwed up, though, I had a hard time keeping the machine stocked. 

Very few people, at work, understand the concept of 2 vendors, 2 businesses.  They are constantly complaining to me, about their machines, and vice versa.  Anyway, the customers started telling the other vendor's wife, she nee…

Road Trip!

Well, I'm glad I went by myself. 

It was apparent today, as I got up, that Ron was battling a black mood.  If you read the Bible, kind of a hybrid between Ecclesiastes and Job.  "Everything is hopeless/why does God hate me?" 

He was pretty abrupt.  I had to make a deliberate choice, again and again, not to be hurt or offended.  He was pretty irritable. 

We got to work, I did my inventory, and made a landing pad for the deliveries on Monday.  I knew Ron was worried about finances, in addition to his "Ontological Insecurity" - his words, not mine.  [big sigh]

SOOOO, I kept telling myself, it wasn't my fault, Ron just had HIS issues, and the WORST thing I could do was take it personally and get hurt.  I did tell him, I felt like "Oh, you're back!" - in a hostile way... and he said he didn't feel that way.  Then he did make an apparent effort to control himself. 

He made another comment, later, "I know you didn't want to come back…

A loaf of bread and some seagulls

I'm wearing my fat pants. 

I know I was secretive this week, and I apologize.  However, it is a sick, SICK, world, and I could just see some freak tracking me down, or Ron. 

I went to Galveston.  Ron had talked about it for a while, and made reservations.  I was thrilled.  I love Galveston.  I would be happy only vacationing in Galveston. 

In my "I just won the lotto" dreams, a starring role is played by a lovely, Galveston, condo on the Seawall.  Many exist, but just the thought of living in Galveston makes me grin. 

However, God wants me living in Houston.  I don't think, in the long run, I'd enjoy living in a tourist destination. 

So, I kept my mouth shut, packed my bags, and then Ron said "I don't think I'll have any fun.  I'm going to stay home". 

Well.  That was a wrench in the plans.  I told my aunt, and she talked to Ron. 

"Heather," she said "I think it would be a good idea if you went by yourself."  OK.  …

I went to Galveston!

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I went to Galveston!

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To answer a question: Ron and I only have sex with each other. I'm having fun, and will tell you all about it tomorrow.

A few days

I think I'm an odd mix, at times. 

On one hand, I am pretty completely open and transparent about my life.  I will share anything, if I think it might help someone else, or just make you appreciate your life. 

On the other hand, it's a sick world.  I have to be careful about what I do share, because anyone can read this blog. 

I have had something planned; something I have been unable to discuss due to security reasons.  It's something fun, for me, and it starts tomorrow.  I can't talk details because someone MIGHT be able to find me. 

Isn't that sad?  The only time someone actually "found" me,  I was with Ron.  We were at a warehouse club.  He was in the wheelchair.  We were arguing about who had the receipt.  A woman walked right up to me and said "You must be Ron and Heather from the message board!"  She was very nice. 

Another time, I asked a lady from that same message board, for a ride, and she helped me out.  I met her for the first …

Life's about compromise.

I have to laugh at myself on occasion.  The boy next door came into our yard after his ball. 

I always get a little territorial and want to bark; but I didn't. 

HIM, I don't mind.  He uses the gate, properly.  He closes it when he leaves.  He does not climb on, or damage it, in any way.  He gets the ball, and leaves. 

The kids renting on the other side?  Totally different story.  They treated my yard as community property, climbed over my husband's hand-constructed gate (breaking it), tore boards off the fence to gain access to the yard, and I caught them peeping in my windows.  The little fart just stared at me - "What?"  You're staring in my window.  "So?  You have a lot of books."  I should add, the house is set back from the street, and one has to walk across private property to look in a window, past the curtains and miniblinds.  They had no concept of "boundaries" or "property line". 

I thanked God when they moved out. …

A good thing

I had a good day. 

Finally getting out of the depression.

Got some good work news. 

Something fun coming up; but I won't talk about it until afterward.   It's a good thing.

A good day

I had a very good day today, actually.  I got up, slept in a little (I did my God Time later), and went off with Ron to the warehouse.  We took the wheelchair with us, and it came in handy. 

I found everything we needed, and we took it to work.  We had just about the right amount of stocking time to get everything done.  I pushed Ron, in the wheelchair, out to the bus stop.  He kept thanking me. 

To me, it's not a big deal, but for him, it's his love language (acts of service).  We had a good pickup, and went to the mall. 

The touch screen on my cell phone had died.  I didn't do anything to it.  It just failed.  I took it to the Tmobile guy.  At first he didn't believe me, but he quickly understood.  He told me, yeah, it's dead.  I handed him my old flip phone (it can call, text, and that's it), and he did a SIM card transplant.  I'm back. 

Good.  We use the phones at work.  A moderately hearing impaired Ron can't always hear me shouting; but I can …

Peggy

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I went into my backyard today.  I was very unhappy. 

I have a cable junction box in my backyard.  I'm fine with that; not a big deal.  I'm not so happy with the cable guys coming in my yard "whenever" and doing their thing. 

I tend to be very territorial.  Not really with Ron so much, but definitely with "my" property, which I know isn't really "mine".  When you look at the deed restrictions, easements, etc, I'm lucky they let ME live here.  I get that.  I work on not being the wierd lady who yells if you walk on her grass.  I laugh at myself, wanting to "bark" at the "intruder". 

I do get twitchy about it.  In fact, one reason I am so tolerant of the people next door, they NEVER set foot on "my" property.  I had problems with all the other renters constantly coming into my yard.   So, they don't put up their trash cans, I can live with that. 

I like my privacy.  I like the illusion that I live in my o…

Entitlement

Hm.  How do I say this?  Some drivers are better than others.  There, I said it.   We had an "others". 

We got picked up, late, and got to the restaurant.  The other client was whining "hungry", and basically asking either the driver, or us, to buy her a meal.  I was pretty revolted.  She was normal intelligence. 

First, with what she had spent on hair, nails, clothes, shoes, and purse, she could certainly have gotten something off the value menu.  Second, begging is always just completely degrading. 

Ron was pretty hungry, so I just said "Bye", got out, and took Ron into the restaurant.  Later on, I saw the driver, with the client, at the counter.  It appeared the driver was paying. 

I told Ron, she's an enabler.  If people told the client "It's your responsibility to bring a snack when you travel" guess what?  Next time she'll have a snack.  But if you buy her dinner, you are just teaching her to beg. 

The program had the same…

Usual self

I tend to get a lot of pageviews.  I'm glad people like to share my life.  I certainly don't plan to use it to make money; I know a log of "bloggers" get into some kind of commercial arrangement, but that's not my intention. 

It's MY blog, after all.   It's funny, though.  When I see I'm getting a lot of pageviews (I have a toolbar), it actually tends to put pressure on me, "A lot of people are reading, YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT INTERESTING!" 

It's really ironic, when you consider my #2 goal in life (after serving God), is to have a boring life!  Talk about cross purposes! 

Now onto women issues; now's your time to run if that bothers you. 

So, my cycle was late again, and acting kind of odd when it did show.  I have to figure it's a late 30's thing.  If I hit menopause tomorrow, I wouldn't mind. 

It's funny, though.  I get hot flashes from my medication.  Had a couple this week, in fact.  Having one right now, but it&…

I do just fine

Today was a little wierd. 

Still battling some depression.  Ron wanted to exchange his headphones; so we went to Walmart.  I wanted to run a few errands, so he left me there. 

I did exciting things: tried on bras, got one.  Looked at nightgowns, got one.  A woman approached me near the checkout. 

"Are you paying cash?" 
"What?" 
She repeated herself. 
"That's a very strange question to ask, I'm not giving you any money". 
Oh, she didn't want me to give her, money... exactly. 

I found this very insulting: I am not an idiot. 

See, her car broke!  [I thought, very cynically, why should I care,  I don't even own a car]  She HAD a credit card, but the repair shop would only take CASH!  Since I was paying cash (which I did not say), could I use her credit card, and then pay her the cash? 

I told her no. 
She touched my shoulder, pleading. 
"You have to help me!" 

"Look."  I said firmly "I don't know you.…

Dad with long hair

My mood cycles have changed.  I have been depressed for weeks past my due date.  Hopefully, I will get a little manic at least before my birthday next week.  From what I read, though, rapid cycles (my usual) are "bad" so this is a "good" thing, even though I have major fatigue and loss of interest. 

I can't talk about some plans, for obvious reasons.  Example: you will never read "Ron and I are going to make the deposit tomorrow".  Nope, I tell you AFTER the fact.  Same thing with certain plans, especially when you factor in the public transit.  Anyway, something fun, and not expensive, planned for next week. 

Speaking of money, I got paid today.  I knew I was depressed, when even after buying groceries, a a case of Diet Dr Pepper bottles, a 20 pound bag of cat food, and household supplies, I found I'd only spent $40 at Walmart.  I hate whiners. 

Got up, did my God Time (when I am really depressed I do the big prayer part in the evening, instea…

I said no

I just had a rather odd intereaction with someone, which I'll tell you about in a minute. 

Sunday: violently ill with Clostridium perfringens - bad takeout.  I used up a lot of paper. 

Monday: up early, work.  Donuts, sandwiches.  A little gossip with Mark about the vending company at the courthouse.  Stocking, looked pretty good.  I needed some value line items. 

Ron and I are coughing a lot, smoke and "particulate matter" from the wildfires are making our allergies pretty bad.  It's not apparent, looking outside or anything.  We just cough a lot, itchy eyes, etc.  I had to take a guiafenisen pill on Monday.  I think we got something to eat, and went home. 

Today; I should add, it is horrendously hot again - well over 100 every day, and oddly humid though we've had no rain.  Anyway, I decided I'd stay home today.   I slept pretty well last night. 

I woke up with a horrible headache.  I whacked it with some Excedrin.  Ron and I went to Foodtown.  I found…

Care of an Invalid

Last night was pretty horrible.  The bugs that weren't there kept biting me.  Tonight, I go with my protocol and take TWO tablets.  [shudder]  Awful night. 

Yesterday we went to work, stocked, and had a fast food lunch before coming home.  It was a good day.  Even Ron has to grin at my enthusiasm.  I just love what I do; taking an empty vending machine and filling it with delicious treats. 

Today, we went to the warehouse and got more supplies.  I didn't need much.  We went to Walmart, and I got some soda.  I got plenty of decaf because I just KNOW caffeine aggravates the psychotic symptoms.  Then we came home, and I took a nap.  I decided last night, to wash all the bedding.  It's more psychological than anything, but it makes me feel better. 

Now that I have a cute winter jacket, the temperatures are well over 100 degrees every day, and forecast to be so for the next week.  EW.  Ron and I are coughing a lot.  Smoke from the wildfires. 

It isn't overt, walking out…

Don't buy the cheapest

I'm sitting here at my desk, absolutely delighted I bought the candles.  I went to Walmart, and they had some nice piney candles; probably in preparation for the holiday.  They have a great aroma, so I got some tealights.  I think this one only cost me a quarter, but it's money well spent. 

So, what did I do today?  I overslept, barely had time for my shower.  We went to the wholesale warehouse and I got the supplies; and I also found a cute jacket.  I need one in my size.  Now I have it.  I was going to go to Academy, but when I did they weren't in stock, and I told myself last year I'd get one, if needed, and they came back. 

We went home, and I organized the front room so I had room for the inventory.  I like to sort through it every few days. 

Ron made a trip to Burger King.  Our pickup was late, and our ride back home was early; so when we got there our ride was waiting.  Ron got his food to go and went back home. 

I ate, and then went to the fancy grocery sto…

A very long time

Really tired today; happily not really depressed. 

Got up early, went to work, played catch-up.  Ron was in a lot of physical pain.  We are going to look into getting a TENS unit. 

After work, he took me out to lunch and I helped him run some errands, me pushing him in the wheelchair.  He was very grateful and appreciative.  After we finished the errands, we went to Starbucks.  I really like the decaf (plain) coffee, with some cream.  It was very good; no digestive weirdness like I was getting on the steamers.  Our ride home was well over an hour late. 

Good thing we were at Starbucks.  That might have gotten twitchy at the office supply store.  I still need to do my God Time and all; I'll check my comments tomorrow. 

I have to get up early so I can get more supplies.  I have the rest of the day off; thank God. 

All day today, I kept thanking God I was not called to serve on that case.  I can't say much, but I will say it was a felony crime, against a person, and would ha…

Jury Duty Blog

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I hate sharing bad news. 

Ron started making noises about getting something "stronger".  I thought he was button-pushing (he has accused me of "going buggo" whenever alcohol is mentioned), so I ignored it until he made a reservation to go to the liquor store.  Then, as agreed, I called my uncle. 

My uncle called Ron and left a message.  I'm, in the meantime, in the throes of a horrible migraine.  No Chinese food for me. 

Ron got all indulgent with me this morning, "Oh, you're so afraid aren't you?"  I told him no, I wasn't.  I had made an agreement and I kept it.  And while on the subject of agreements, what about his agreement not to drink anything stronger than wine?  Out came the excuses and justifications. 

My favorite was "I have it harder than anyone else in the world" (due to his physical problems) "Therefore, I am ENTITLED to drink."  I told him, you have a track record of breaking every promise you made abo…

Old Diary Video Blog

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I found and read parts of my old diary. A lot of what I found is miserable unhappy, codependent times. You think I'm codependent? You should have met me back in 1995. Anyway, I burned it.