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Showing posts from January, 2010

My ministry

Nothing, and I mean, nothing has scared me more than those two words "Your Ministry". It made me want to run and hide. It's a scary thing when God gives you the gift of "ministry".

I beg God, daily, to keep me humble. Don't allow me to get swelled up and think it's all ME. I know, Lord, it is YOU, IN me, that allows me to spread your word. Please keep me humble. I can only do this, because you have allowed it! Thank you, Lord!

I also feel gratitude is vital. It is an incredible honor for me to hand out God's word. A few times, recently, He has even allowed me to teach (I always beg for guidance before opening my mouth or typing). God gets the glory, God gets the honor! I am a simple, broken tool. I am grateful that He chooses to use me. Far "better" choices exist!

That's another thing - it is constantly amazing that God wants to use someone like me. I'm "crazy". I have brain damage. I can't even drive.…

Stalking God

Luke 18:1 "Then He (Jesus) spoke a parable to them, that men always ought to pray and not lose heart"
Matthew 5:44 "Pray for those who spitefully use you"
1 Thessalonians 5:17 "Pray without ceasing"
James 5:16 "Pray for one another"
Ezra 4:2 "We seek your God as you do"
Zeph. 2:3 "Seek the Lord"

I like to talk. Obviously, if you've read any of my writing, you know this. I love to tell you every little detail.

I've been working on growing closer to God, and being a daughter He can use. A daughter He's proud to call "His". I spend time in prayer and Bible study, but I've noticed, with the prayer, that the more I talk to God, the more I WANT to talk.

As humans, we're taught from an early age not to "bother" each other. Don't talk so much. Listen. Encourage the other person to share. All good lessons.

In fact, paying someone TOO much attention will get you labeled a "stalker"…

Deliver us from Evil

I have been slacking. While I pray fairly often, I spent a lot more time blogging than I do in prayer. I spend a lot more time vacantly staring at the TV, than praying. And, I haven't been praying for Thug Boy and Cohort.

Good old Thug Boy - the kid who mugged me last month. It's only been a month but it feels like a lot longer. I like to think I'm pretty much "over" it. Interestingly enough, the Devil chose a young man who fit the profile of most bigots - and also fit the profile of a Bible recipient! He was exactly the sort of young man I'd give a Bible, if I felt God leading me to do so.

He's also the sort of young man who shot me with a BB gun, while I was carrying 2 bags of New Testaments! That kid got me in July, hanging out the side of a car. The worst part of that experience - the heavy salve I applied to the bruising inhibited sweating, so I had a creepy "sweaty grease" appearance. That bruise lasted about 2 weeks, a lot lo…

"Put Your thoughts in my head"

Last month was pretty challenging: I had a major problem with Ron, severe enough that I had seriously considered moving out. I was handling that, to the best of my ability, when I was violently mugged. I had to wear long-sleeved shirts for over a week, because my arms were covered with bruises.

On the positive side, I learned that when I had 2 deliveries and a repair man, I would, after 2 hours' sleep, get up, go to work, and literally take care of business all by myself. Then, go out and have fun.

The mugging? I learned that if someone tries to take my Bible, I'll FIGHT for it! How wonderful to learn, I'm gonna fight for God's promises to me.

It's happened before, and will happen again: I knew I could not carry all this by myself, and did the whole mental image: Put the problem in a trebuchet, and flip it over to God. OK, Lord, it's YOUR problem! If I caught myself "picking it up" again, I'd do the imagery again. It's very effective f…

Accident Day

Yesterday was the anniversary of Ron's accident. It's not surprising I got depressed. A brief montage of some memories:
Pain:
The look on "Lee's" face as he told me "Ron's been hit by a truck"My frantic desire to reach Ron, as dear Lee got completely lost in the Medical Center.My anger at Ron's family, who did not even try to contact me when they heard of his injuries. They told each other and raced downtown, completely forgetting me. All the horrible hassles I endured because I wasn't legally married. Battling to take Ron home. Wondering when he'd wake up, if ever. Wondering WHAT would wake up. Surprises: The amazing community at work, pulling together. The astounding volume of phone calls.The fact that a wife from the Blind Vendor program came to sit with ME, who cared about MY needs. My aunt's compassion and advocacy for the both of us. She is an amazing, unpaid, social worker.My family's support, inspite of my "s…

Regrets

The New Year has me thinking about my life and actions. I have been thinking, recently, about some of the regrets I have.

I wish I had gone hiking more with my husband, before "The door closed on that" (as my Dad puts it). I do like to think my husband's health problems have had a direct influence on Dad getting out and enjoying life while he can. I wish I had paid for Ron to get a professional massage before he had the neuropathy. He'd pay NOT to get one, now. I wish I had given him more back rubs and foot rubs. He used to love a good foot rub. I wish I had truly hunted my mother down, before her death, and let her know how much I loved her. She's in Heaven now, she knows I love her, but I regret that she died thinking I hated her. I wish I had been a stronger person about sharing my faith. I was always so worried I would look wierd or offend someone. People are starving for Jesus, but I didn't realize it and I missed some opportunities. I have o…