Saturday, June 30, 2018

Are you smarter than a possum?

Well, Possum (I named it, Possum) didn't take the bait last night.  So apparently it is smarter than me.  The cats stayed away from the trap, though, so my estimation of their intelligence has gone up.  They kept getting stuck when I first got the trap. 

If you need to catch a feral, get a Havaheart trap.  Cats can't resist them, even if you use peanut butter for bait! 

Ron asked me what was "wrong" this morning.  I told him I was just tired, and I was.  "You went to bed at 6 PM!" he exclaimed. 

Fatigue is just part of the medication package.  I can never get enough sleep.  Oh, I could use a good mania right about now - and that's why people go OFF their meds.  I won't. 

I've had my blood checked, I am completely in the normal range, so it's not that. 

But fatigue is part of the price I pay for "sanity".  Basically, in order to be cute, cuddly, and socially acceptable I have to be tired all the time.  I'm not the only one making this choice. 

Doc says a lot of people go off their meds when they feel better, figuring they have been "cured".  There's no cure for this, just management. 

So I dragged myself to the warehouse.  I wore capris because I was too tired to shave my legs. 

We got our supplies.  I bought some candy to hand out.  Bought, of course, with my own money. 

We went to work.  Jack won't be able to help us in 2 weeks, not sure how we will manage that without Chuck.  Chuck's truck is out of commission right now.  And his SUV will hold just a little more than the wheelchair.  We'll figure it out. 

We got everything unloaded and into our area.  Since one of my carts is a lot smaller, it makes it more challenging to put things away.  I managed to stuff everything into our allocated space, yet again.  We have 34 square feet.  In that space, I have to have supplies for eight vending machines!  It gets exciting at times. 

We came home.  I crawled into bed with Biscuit and we had a good nap.  He curled up behind my knees as I lay on my side.  I got up for dinner.  We ate, had a good time. 

Ron told me he had 2 Tylenol left.  As in, two tablets.  I checked my supplies, and, sure enough, I had an extra bottle.  He was overjoyed when I gave it to him.  He can't go more than about 8 hours without his Tylenol. 

I told him he owes me a bottle.  He agreed. 

I am doing a load of laundry right now, it is cooler so it won't heat up the house too much.  I actually have my own little laundry room, about 10 feet long from side to side, and about 3.5 feet deep.  It has a regular style interior door that closes.  It keeps things quiet, and cool. 

Ron did freak out when I was using the lint brush on his clothes.  He could hear the erratic thumping - I put the clothes on top of the washer and lint-brushed them, and he thought something was broken, because he had never heard that noise before. 

I explained what I was doing and he said we need to shave Biscuit.  I don't think Biscuit would look good bald.  But it's always his white hair that shows up on Ron's clothes. 

Biscuit will sleep with us at any given opportunity.  Which is great, we love him.  But Ron wears his clothes to bed and gets "Biscuit" all over them.  Then I have to lint brush them and clean them. 

But I have to clean them anyway. 

I have been giving Ron a multi vitamin with iron at dinner every day.  He has been very good about taking it.  I figure it can't hurt him. 

Doc did say his blood was terrible, poor color, small cells, lack of cells.  If it's iron I can help with that.  If it's not, well, that's why we have medical professionals.  But the iron won't hurt. 

Oh, I'm tired.  Once this load of clothes finishes I'm putting it in the dryer and going to bed. 

Friday, June 29, 2018

Bless those who curse you

I didn't put cat food in the trap, I put peanut butter.  The cats hate all people food, including peanut butter.  Hey, let's go in here and get stuck!  That's why I called them "idiots". 

I deleted the two "mean" comments and the one "nice" one, meant to putblish them all but I guess my clicker hand knew best. 

I had a quiet night.  I currently don't believe the possum is in the bedroom, I believe it is at the bottom of the bookcase, behind some other furniture, in the front room.  That's where I'm finding signs of activity. 

To those worried about the sanitation aspect, as near as I can tell it is using the box.  Also, many people keep possum as pets.  Very ugly pets, but pets nonetheless. 

https://youtu.be/wfrgubq_iLc

I got up and got ready for work.  "Gone for 3 days" Ron muttered "And we still have Coke".  That wasn't encouraging, but our bottled vendor sales were much better. 

I had a a fair amount of work to do in my department, and, we can't forget, the most important part of my work day: when I went to the other vendor and bought some peanut butter cups to bait the trap.  He was going to give them to me but I insisted on paying. 

Possum likes peanut butter.  Possum likes chocolate.  Let's fix it with some of both.  A delicious peanut butter cup, I will break off part and leave it outside the trap so it gets a taste. 

Then, the rest, in the trap.  I am guessing I will trap at least 2 idiot cats.  I love them, but you would think once would be enough with the trap - but it isn't.  Their innate curiosity wins out every time and they go right in. 

I think the possum is smarter than the cats.  After all, I only saw it once.  If it wasn't for that chewed up box of cherry cordials I might have convinced myself it was gone - I had, actually. 

Work was pretty uneventful.  One woman came up to me and told me she had a refund, but left before I could give it to her.  I had to chase her.  Tell her I want everyone walking away happy. 

It is really important to me that everyone have a good vending experience with us.  I don't want them to feel like a cog, I want them to feel like a valued customer.  I have done everything I can to make sure that happens. 

And I helped Ron, of course.  His back hasn't gotten any better.  He says his butt cheeks hurt when he sits in the wheelchair, now.  But, overall, he was in a pretty good mood today. 

Our order arrived, 2 hours late.  But it came.  A nice man with dreadlocks brought it.  He seemed like a very hard worker.  Ron got so angry at his treatment from Dr Pepper he started calling Coke, and set up an appointment. 

We are pretty sure Coke will be a lot more expensive, but it won't hurt to ask. 

I got my order put away and did the finishing up things.  Ron called Chuck and off we went. 

We ran an errand.  Then we came home. 

I took a nap.  I slept for a couple of hours - for whatever reason, last night, #6 decided to make a lot of noise until pretty late.  So, this morning, this is very petty and not a good witness at all, I did not go out of my way to be quiet when we left for work at 4 AM.  I didn't hush Ron when he talked loudly, and I didn't ask the driver to turn the radio down.  Nope, I did not go out of my way to be quiet. 

The Bible says "Bless those who curse you" so I failed on that.  I am sorry, Lord. 

I just feel like #6 takes whatever I give them, takes and takes and wants more and then takes some more.  And gives nothing in return.  So it is hard to want to bless them, especially when they kept making weird banging noises after 9 PM last night. 

The new #2 is pretty simple, aside from playing their ghetto blaster (car) in the middle of the day sometimes, they are pretty quiet and overall OK.  They hate me, though, because I "told" on them to the landlady (she had a no-pets clause, they have a yapper).  I don't know what it is about tenants in that house - maybe it is the large property size (for the neighborhood, over 2000 square feet), the large garage, the large property (about 8K square feet), or what - but it seems to attract people with a lot of "stuff".  They aren't hoarders like the last guy, but boy do they have a lot of stuff.  I just hope we never have a hurricane because all their patio furniture (two sets, not one) is going to go flying into that fence and demolish it.  They are from the midwest, they have no idea what a Texas storm can do.  And I can't talk to them about it because they hate me.  It's not my fault they broke their lease. 

The other neighbors have been OK. 

I had a pretty good nap but woke up with a headache.  I took some fake Excedrin.  I'm feeling better now but I do get tired of the headaches.  I haven't eaten my dinner yet so I still need to take my pills. 

I think I will eat something safe, like my burritos and a glass of milk, and do that.  I don't want any drama around pill time. 

Ron's still asleep.  He's been a good sport about taking his multivitamin so that makes it easier.  It has iron in it so that's bound to help him build some more blood. 

I do wonder if he will need more blood before this is all done. 

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Don't feed the possum!

Well, I had hoped I was wrong, but I have evidence.  Things chewed up, and, today, a chewed open box of cherry cordials, the insides gone. 

Apparently I still have a possum.  I really wanted to believe it was gone but that chewed open box says otherwise. 

Since it has a sweet tooth, and likes nuts (it ate a peanut butter breakfast biscuit), I plan to bait the trap with a peanut butter cup.  Hopefully that will do the trick.  Hopefully my idiot cats will stay out of the trap this time. 

Enough about that.  I slept in today, until about 8.  No headache; until I took my antidepressant. 

Those pills are really vicious for headaches.  If I didn't hate depression so much I wouldn't even take them. 

I took my shower and did my God Time.  Then I took a short nap.  I am committed to recharging my batteries. 

I woke up with a vicious headache.  From the antidepressant.  I had to take something for it.  We went to Denny's. 

Ron took his multi vitamin with iron, I gave it to him.  I had to get help opening the container.  I am pretty good at asking for help when my hands aren't working right.  We had a pretty good meal, but they had a manager on the grill (staffing problems?) and he could not cook a hashbrown to save his life.  Other than that, it was a good meal. 

We came home.  I have to go to bed early because we leave early for our delivery tomorrow.  But we'll be done early, and then run some errands before we come home.  Hopefully I can get some flea medicine for the cats. 

I am working on saving money for the cats' vet visit.  The last time it cost about $400.  I have half of that.  I will get the other half after the first, but I also need to budget $100 for my doctor visit and the last third of what I'm saving for my medication.  So I won't have a lot of spare change in the next couple weeks. 

At least I already got the health insurance budgeting.  That was a big bite out of my cash but I got that. 

Should be an interesting day tomorrow. 

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Finish your liver!

I slept late this morning, about 8 am.  I took my shower and did my God Time. 

Doc had mentioned yesterday, it might be a good idea to apply coconut oil to Ron's legs.  So I did that.  He said it tickled but it didn't really bother the neuropathy.  I'd have given him a massage while at it but the other doc said NO massages. 

I remember all the foot rubs I used to give Ron after his accident.  He loved them (before the neuropathy).  I wish I had done more. 

And taken more hikes with him.  When we could. 

But you never get a memo - remember the commercial where the woman gets a postcard, next week at 2 PM Tuesday you will have a stroke?  It's like those time travel shows, where, trying to go back and prevent something, they actually cause it. 

Anyway, I got Ron ready.  We were going to Luby's.  They sell liver and onions and it is apparently pretty good. 

I wanted Ron to eat some liver and onions.  He does not like the way I prepare it, so someone else has to cook it. 

While getting him ready, I had the thought maybe I could get him to take my multivitamin with iron.  Taking it, I always score well on my blood tests, smack in the middle of normal.  And I lose a fair amount of blood every month. 

So I asked him and he said he would take it, if I gave it to him during a meal, and was responsible for administration.  He doesn't want to keep track of another pill, but he's willing to take it.  It seemed fair to me. 

It has 18 mg of Iron, so good stuff.  It also has other nutrients the body needs.  I don't have a lot but I can buy more soon. 

I am actually in the middle of a 2 week break from supplements. Once a year or so, I like to go off everything but my medication, for a couple of weeks, clear the system out, then start again.  I started that about a week ago. 

I got the tablet and put it in my pocket (shirt) and we left. 

We had a straight trip to the restaurant.  They were going to pick someone else up but they removed the trip for some reason. 

We got there and got in line.  It is a cafeteria style place, you go through a line and pick things off the steam table.  There was the liver and onions.  I got that for Ron.  They gave him a generous portion.  I got the chopped steak with bacon and cheese.  They didn't call it that but that's what it is. 

I got "the kale thing" and mac and cheese.  Ron got green beans and mashed potatoes with gravy.  We got bread, I got plain cornbread and picked out hot cornbread (with peppers) for Ron. 

We had to get help to be seated, I can only push the wheelchair, and Ron can't carry a tray.  He can barely carry a soda. 

They helped us and we sat down to our meal.  Like a good wife, I cut up his food first.  I also put the clothing protector on Ron. 

I find it ironic at times, Ron needs "more" than my Dad, who is nearly 20 years older.  You would think Dad would need the bib, but he doesn't.  But Ron sure does! 

Not complaining, just stating a fact. 

Ron started on his food while I cut up my food.  When I looked up, he had finished everything and was working on his sides.  We finished our food. 

I had room for dessert, and bought a giant red velvet cupcake.  It was messy eating, but good. 

Ron began moaning he had eaten too much.  I asked him why he didn't stop.  He said he had a voice in his head yelling at him to finish his liver. 

I could tell he didn't love it.  It was OK but not his favorite. 

I gave him the vitamin tablet and asked if he would take that every day, if it meant he didn't need to eat any more liver.  He happily agreed. 

We had a rough ride home, with Ron moaning the whole way.  He laid down, he seems to be better now. 

I took a nap for a couple of hours.  I woke up with a bad headache, forgot if I took my medication, had to wait an hour to see if I felt better, took it, got nauseous, laid down for a while again.  The headache is mostly gone now and I don't feel too energized, which is good. 

I want to go to bed in an hour or so.  I need to go to bed early tomorrow night so I can get up early on Friday for our delivery. 

Ron has been nagging me to take a day for myself, to avoid caregiver burnout.  He seems terrified of caregiver burnout, actually. 

If I ran off right now he would be [censored].  Well and truly.  Not that I plan to. 

I just don't know if I will lick this headache by tomorrow, or even want to go out in hot sun and feels like 100+ riding the bus.  It just doesn't really appeal. 

We'll see. 

Charging my battery

I went to bed pretty early last night.  I see it as charging my battery.  I wouldn't go a night without charging my cell phone properly, I need to focus on charging my own internal battery every night as well. 

Especially when Ron is sick.  Look what a couple days in the hospital got me: a bad head cold, because I wasn't getting enough sleep. 

I am blessed in my life right now that I can usually get a GOOD night's sleep.  And I did.  I could have woken up early but I wanted to sleep late, today, just because I could.  I had a strange dream where I was being forced to climb at a high level.  I have a dread terror of heights and had that in my dream.  Then the dream switched and I was on a bus, with a black man.  I was sad because I didn't have a church - and I don't, really. 

None I can get to.  I may try to go to the church downtown, by myself, on Sunday.  I don't think Ron will make it with his back.  I know he won't.  But I can try. 

Besides, I think that one guy believes I stopped coming due to something he said.  That's not true so I want to inform him. 

Anyway, sad because I have a lack of a church.  The man told me to read Revelation 22:11.  When I woke up (with a headache), I did. 

 New King James Version (NKJV)

11 He who is unjust, let him be unjust still; he who is filthy, let him be filthy still; he who is righteous, let him [a]be righteous still; he who is holy, let him be holy still.”

Interesting.  I have my own interpretation of that - but basically I think it's let Ron be, focus on my own personal walk (which can always use work).  
I got up and took some Excedrin - the generic version.  I fed Biscuit, who was going nuts begging for cat food.  Baby Girl joined in, she has figured out that I am the feeder, so they both preceeded me to the bin of cat food.  I know in some countries a bin is where you put your trash.  This bin is made specifically for pet food, it even has a gasket on it to keep the air out.  I opened the lid.  
Biscuit stuck his head in the bin and began eating the loose cat food.  If the food is high enough in the container, he can do this.  Baby Girl danced and meowed, singing for breakfast.  
I fed them and they were happy.  Biscuit is passed out at my feet right now.  Baby Girl is probably in Ron's room somewhere.  
Oh, there's a lizard in here!  Lots of excitement from Biscuit chasing it.  I can't get ahold of it.  I am OK with a lizard running around.  They are harmless.  
I hear Ron in the back, awake, but not very loud.  If I were asleep he wouldn't bother me.  He has been pretty good about that lately.  It probably helps that he is so anemic and tired all the time.  And all the time I thought it was the head injury.  
Anyway, I'm going to go take my shower.  Have a good one.  I'm praying for you.  

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

A chemo room?

I didn't sleep well last night, with my digestive issue.  I got up and took my shower, then I got Ron to take his bath.  That was fun, Ron screaming bloody murder as I scrubbed various spots on his body.  The neuropathy makes bathing painful. 

I tried to look up the medical office online, so I'd know where to go.  I just found a cancer center, which really freaked me out.  No one wants to be sent to a cancer doctor. 

We left, found the place, it had XYZ group on the door, and unloaded.  I spent about half an hour filling out paperwork.  Ron was honest about his drinking, in the paperwork and later, talking to the NP. 

I didn't see anything about cancer on the building but later I found a chemo room, which freaked me out. 

At any rate, they took us back to a room with a bed.  I told Ron about the bed and helped him get into it.  He prefers to lie down if at all possible.  After a while the "Doc" came in.  She seemed very professional and kind. 

She gave us samples of Ron's blood thinner, and said there were 2 problems.  One, there were a lot of issues with his blood production, size, shape, and color of his red blood cells.  That's not good to hear.  She said it could be a problem with his kidneys, as they produce a hormone that tells the bone marrow to make more blood cells.  He is either not making blood, or it is going somewhere.  We need to figure that out. 

So, let's recap.  Ron's new doctor has a chemo room.  They are talking about kidney damage. 

But we're not done yet.  It could be his liver.  I thought his liver numbers were OK but he can apparently still have liver damage.  If the liver is hurt, it could explain some of Ron's issues. 

This is where Ron was honest about his drinking, with the NP.  She asked him if he ever had DT'S and he said no.  And he hasn't. 

So she wants to do an ultrasound of his liver.  And a lot of blood tests.  She would see us in a couple of weeks. 

We went off to get Ron's blood drawn.  I was worried, remembering the horrible, bloody, messes at the hospital, but apparently this blood thinner is better.  They took us to the chemo room, which had a lot of loungers arranged around the room.  One bald woman slumped in her chair, exhausted.  Another woman on an infusion eavesdropped on Ron making his Dr Pepper order and chatted with us. 

They put Ron in one of the chairs, and drew a lot of blood.  He didn't bleed excessively and they tied him off with one of those "blood donor" wraps we used to get when we donated blood.  They look sort of like an ACE bandage. 

We had a horrible wait to go home.  We waited an hour.  Our ride came and then said, oh, silly me, I forgot I had 2 big walkers in the back, no room for you guys, later.  I couldn't believe he didn't notice he had 2 big walkers (after all, he had to put them away).  Didn't he look at the pickup notes and see one ambulatory, and a wheelchair?  Why didn't he notice all this, call dispatch, and say "Sorry, guys, you will have to find another driver"? 

Ron has the number for a high-ranking person at the agency.  He called the guy and explained the problem.  We had a ride in 10 minutes.  That guy has some pull, but Ron doesn't abuse it. 

The driver was a nice woman we like.  We had to take her other client home first but it was sort of on the way. 

We got home.  It was too late for me to take a nap, but I said yes when Ron offered to order Chinese.  I got combination chow fun with no onions.  They stuffed it full of meat, hardly any noodles - just delicious meat.  I wasn't complaining. 

Ron got shredded pork, I think, in garlic sauce.  He had a good time working on that. 

I called my aunt, and my parents, giving them the update.  Like I told Ron, I can't give one the update and not the other. 

Tomorrow will be pretty quiet. 

I don't know if I am hoping the tests find something we can fix - cheaply - or whether I'm hoping all the tests are normal range.  I'm just tired. 

It seems to me Ron's blood clots may have saved him.  If he didn't get the blood clots we wouldn't have known about the anemia.  And he wouldn't have gotten the transfusion. 

I just hope I can sleep OK tonight. 

His legs look terrible

Monday, June 25, 2018

The one that got away

A busy day.  I slept HORRIBLY last night.  I kept waking up, couldn't get my water bottle to work, and kept dribbling water all over every time I took a drink.  I had some disturbing dreams about a guy I used to know, back in Elementary school. 

I was the weird kid, and he was very kind to me.  I have always had fond thoughts as a result.  I found him on Facebook, some years ago, happily married with a couple of preteens.  I am delighted for him.  He has a good job, loves where he lives, active with his wife, just an overall happy ending for a truly nice guy. 

I always thought I would marry a guy like that.  I swore I would never marry an alcoholic or drug addict, and look where that got me. 

Married to an alcoholic.  At least he's functional. 

So I got up, exhausted.  I got ready for work and we went in.  I stocked, helped Ron, and got a delivery.  We went to the bank with a big jug of dimes and deposited them.  We finished up and went home. 

I took a nap.  I slept better but woke up with a vicious headache.  I took something for it (fake Excedrin) and we went to Walmart. 

I had to get some groceries.  We didn't go last week and the week before I had a bad head cold.  I also needed to make a deposit to cover my health insurance.  Ron wanted some stuff, but, because we didn't have much time, told me to forget about it and just focus on "my" stuff. 

I got everything on my list and everything on his, including cat treats.  I paid and left.  We had a little bit of a wait but not too bad. 

The driver arrived.  The front seat passenger, upon watching Ron trying to get in his seat, exited his own seat and tried to help Ron.  I forget how bad Ron looks to outsiders, trying to do certain things. 

We had a straight trip home.  I put everything away and then checked the mail, finding a bunch of talking books in the mailbox. 

Ron wants to take his bath tomorrow.   I understand he is tired, so am I, but I wonder how hard it will be to get him done tomorrow before the appointment. 

And now I'm developing digestive woes.  No cramping or nausea, but let's just say it's a good thing I have a small house with a short trip to the bathroom!  Ugh. 

I probably need to hydrate. 

Sunday, June 24, 2018

"You have a very nice wife"

A day off. 

I slept in as late as I could, until 8.  Mom was right to call me "Earlybird" when I was a kid. 

I woke up with a headache.  I took some fake Excedrin and took my shower.  I did most of my God Time and bagged up candy. 

For those who don't know, I hand out bags of candy with tracts and/or scripture booklets on a daily basis, to pretty much everyone I can.  No one is safe.  Servers.  Tellers.  Drivers, just to name a few.  I go through a lot of candy.  I carry it in the backpack on the back of Ron's wheelchair, he is OK with that. 

So, I got all that done and our ride came.  Ron wanted to go to Chilis.  I always get the ultimate bacon burger and he decided to try it today.  He got his with everything, and I got mine with no sauce.  I don't like the sauce they use. 

In keeping with my "better eating yes I can do this every day" plan I ordered a mixed greens salad, and ate it.  I got Ron to eat a bite.  That's all I got out of him, but it's a bite more than he would have eaten.  The plan is to eat a salad, and a cooked green, every day.  I am eating something green 'most every day so that is working, at least. 

The last thing we need is me sick. 

We had a good meal and talked.  It is nice being around Ron when he is sober, or at least not very drunk.  He reminds me why I married him. 

After our meal Ron got them to "fix" our pickup so we only waited about 20 minutes instead of almost an hour, like they were going to do. 

We got picked up by a very nice Egyptian man.  I thanked him in Arabic, he was impressed.  He liked his candy and was good about putting up the wheelchair. 

If they had a dollar for every wheelchair they put up, they'd be rich. 

We had a straight ride home, very nice.  I gave him directions on the back way so he would save gas.  The contracted cabs have to buy their own gas. 

When we got home, the driver made a point of telling Ron how lucky he was to have such a good wife, I was so nice, good to Ron, etc.  I smiled and thanked him.  Ron said he knew he was lucky to have me - remember that, Ron.  I didn't say that but I thought it. 

We came in the house.  I had been washing a load of towels all morning.  Ron and I were ruined by my time working at a linen shop.  Up to that point, we used cheap sheets and towels. 

After my first encounter with a combed Egyptian cotton towel, I was converted.  I started buying nicer sheets and towels when I could afford it. 

When Ron did his training in Austin, they put him up at a residential hotel.  The hotel had typical cheap, rough, hotel towels.  I bought him a nice combed cotton towel, which he still owns.  It was looking a little grubby after his last bath, though, so I washed it today, along with my towel. 

I decided to soak it with some stain remover/enzyme, then wash it with All, and then do an extra rinse with some vinegar.  They came out very nice and I have them in the dryer.  It's a little work but it's done now.  Now Ron will have a nice, fresh, towel for his next bath (tomorrow, because we see a doctor on Tuesday). 

We get hard water stains on the towels, they are a sickly yellow.  Scary to think I am drinking that water. 

Scarier to think the CATS are drinking that water. 

Tomorrow will be busy, we are going to work, stocking etc., running some errands, and then coming home.  It will be a long day for the both of us.  Hopefully Ron planned it so he has some time to lie down in between. 

He says his back is pretty awful, all the time, now.  He has, per an X-ray report, severe disc disease and severe degenerative arthritis.  Plus God only knows what else. 

I hate to see him in pain.  He really thinks vodka is the only thing that helps. 

I would love it if he saw a pain specialist, but I do not believe he would be abstinent in his alcohol use - and that would drastically affect the pain meds.  He could end up falling and cracking his head, and then he'd bleed all over because he's on blood thinners. 

Sadly, Ron has it in his head that the next dose of blood thinners will only cost him $235.  I wish.  Unless it goes generic (come Lord Jesus!), it will be another $470.   I am hoping we can get some samples from the hematologist, Tuesday. 

He isn't even that far from us, that's the interesting thing about Houston, you can find a medical specialist in close proximity to most neighborhoods. 

I have a thread ongoing about things with Ron, on a message board.  One guy on the board was throwing verbal rocks at me.  Someone sent me a message warning me he was a "troll" and liked to attack people.  She (I think it was a woman) suggested I block him.  So I did. 

I didn't feel like I was missing anything, especially when he found my thread and started attacking me.  It is so bad others are defending me.  Sometimes they quote him and what I see reminds me why I blocked him.  I quoted Matthew 5:44 at him and said, compared to what I had forgiven in my past, it was easy to forgive a bully. 

He responded to that, I don't know what he said because he's blocked, but I doubt it is a message of conviction and repentance. 

It's just tedious. 

The cats are good, Torbie has a new thing at night when I lie down.  She gets on my chest and purrs while I pet her.  If I stop petting her she paws my face until I start again.  It's very cute.  I haven't seen much of Biscuit, but he does lie by my computer chair like he's doing now.  It's pretty cute, but it makes it tricky to get out. 

This room has me in a u shaped configuration.  The exercise bike is on my right, and extends back a couple of feet.  On my left, I have the furniture holding the computer off the floor.  It was originally a bedside table.  I stained it myself during my epic wood staining mania back in 2006, a few months before my diagnosis. 

So I only have a narrow outlet, and guess where I can find Biscuit?  Yup, in that narrow spot next to my chair.  But he's so cute I don't have the heart to move him.  I just hope and pray I never step on him.  He's pretty cute. 

My favorite is when he's lying on his back, showing me his fat tummy, and I rub it.  That's my favorite.  Baby Girl will do that sometimes with me, but never Torbie. 

But I don't know what happened to Torbie in her early years, or at the shelter, so I don't hold it against her.  She's still an awesome cat. 

I'm a little hungry.  I'm going to go eat some pepperoni. 

Saturday, June 23, 2018

"I'm tired of cleaning up your messes"

I forgot to post yesterday. 

Let me get some diet lemonade and I will be right back. 

I had yesterday off.  I went out for Mexican food with Ron in the morning, and then took a nap.  When I got up, I read my new vending machine manual.  I learned about some important settings I'd have to make for everyone to have a good vending experience. 

I'm going to geek out a little bit.  There is one setting, Fast Change.  If it is not set to ON then the machine keeps the change as a credit toward the next purchase.  You want to see an angry customer?  Set Fast Change to Off.  They will get furious and abuse the machine.  And me. 

Another setting: force vend.  If you put your money in, and then change your mind, you don't get it back if Force Vend is set to On.  It will keep the money, and force a vend (hence the name). 

So I knew I would have to go into work and make sure those settings were correct. 

I went to bed early, woke up exhausted, and went to the warehouse.   I bought supplies and some candy to hand out (bought the candy with my money). 

Ron complained a little, they were only handing out tiny, pink, cupcakes.  He likes to make a breakfast of the samples on Saturday. 

Jack came and we went to work.  We unloaded the truck and he left.  I took everything into the building. 

The "new" cart is smaller, but, other than being - smaller, it was fine and will work until my 2 new carts arrive in a few months. 

I sat down with my manual and the new vending machine.  It took some doing to fill the change bank, my hands were shaking and I dropped some coins.  Then onto other settings, force vend: off.  Fast change WAS off but I set it to on - the customer will now immediately get their change when they make a purchase.  Etc.  I got it all done. 

Then I had to program prices.  I just set entire rows to a certain price, one $1, two 75 cents, three $1. 

Now that the machine was working, I stocked it.  Then I tested it and it worked perfectly.  I saw customers using it and they seemed to like it. 

Ron "broke" the new bill changer.  I managed to fix it, with God's help, but I snapped "I'm tired of cleaning up your messes" at him. 

I helped Ron, more than that, and got all my crap reloaded onto the carts.  We left and came home. 

Happily, our ride was early, taking us home.  Always happy to see a bright yellow cab with a Metrolift placard on the side. 

We came home, I took a nap.  I woke up with a nasty headache.  The Excedrin isn't helping much.  I need to eat and take my pills before I go to bed. 

I called my parents, they are visiting her mother, who nearly died of food poisoning a few years ago.  She lost her companion to the infection - his kidneys were destroyed and he didn't want to live on dialysis.  It was really sad. 

Overall, if I don't get an early death, like my mother, her father, my Dad's father - I should be OK for decades yet.  My family is pretty long lived.  Both grandmothers made it into their 80's.  My one grandmother had cancer for over 10 years.  The other one died after surgery on her back. 

So, they are doing well.  On this "trip" alone (the whole journey) Dad estimates it will be about 4500 miles total, traveled.  I believe it. 

My head's feeling a little better.  I'm going to go round up some dinner. 

Friday, June 22, 2018

Power's out

Waiting for it to come back.  Posting from my cell phone.  I can't read comments in the app, though.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

"Mommy's tired"

Tired today. 

I slept OK, just woke up tired.  Fatigue: it's just hard to remember a time when I wasn't tired all the time.  It's a side effect. 

That probably doesn't bother me as much as the hand shaking and the brain fog.  Those get real old.  Fatigue - well, I was very tired all the time when depressed, anyway, so really tired = half the time is now really tired = all the time.  I'm glad I don't have kids, this wouldn't be fair to them.  "Mommy's tired". 

So I got up and took my shower, washed my hair.  I shaved my legs the other day so they are still fine.  We went to work, not a straight trip. 

Drivers - at least professional paratransit drivers, need to be fairly aggressive in their driving style.  And confident.  The driver we had was neither.  I have my doubts whether she'll make it long term.  She was sweet, but... 

We finally got to work and started our usual routine.  The boss had sent me a message on Facebook: he had a new cart for me.  I really needed a new cart.  So I cleared off the old one with stripped wheels - all the "rubber" had worn completely off, it was just rolling around on plastic.  I cleared off the cart and made sure the vending machines going back were ready to go. 

And, sure enough, right on time (for a change!  We have been kept waiting for hours on some vending machine deliveries!), here comes my new cart.  It was small, and dirty, but it rolled great.  What a nice change from what I had.  And look!  Here's a pretty, brand-new, snack machine rolling in my door!  And a new bill changer! 

It felt like Christmas.  They (the boss, and 2 helpers) took away the old snack machine first.  I won't miss it.  It had a lot of problems.  Upon hearing all the issues with the machine, the boss decided to scrap it.  Normally I feel bad about condemning a vending machine, but I didn't, with this one. 

The old bill changer hadn't worked in years.  Not sorry to see it go. 

They brought in the new snack and installed my lock.  Most of our vending machines are keyed alike on the same lock.  It makes it easier to open them.  Now the new one (Snack 2) has the same lock as the other machines. 

The new bill changer had special locks on it.  We will be keeping them.  They are a very high quality brand and very reliable.  Ron and I each have keys for it, although the bill changers are "Ron's".  I know how to service them, but since that's something Ron can do it's something he does. 

We talked a little about what machines I need (another snack) and the boss kept asking if I wanted to get rid of the "big, old" snack.  I told him no, it has been VERY reliable and I don't scrap good machines.  I only get rid of turkeys.  That would have been a good blog title. 

I had to sign something and then they left.  I liked them, all of them.  They were very efficient and took good care of "my" stuff. 

We tried to get the bill changer to work.  It wouldn't.  "Is it plugged in?"  Yes.  "Is the power on?"  I don't know.  I opened it up.  I found what looked like a power switch and flipped it, and things started happening, lights came on, etc.  We tested it, with a one and a five.  It worked perfectly.  It seems like an easy machine. 

Ron has already figured it out. 

Now, the snack machine will take some research.  I will need to figure out how to fill the change bank, and then how to set prices.  I will also need to figure out how to do a meter reading (cash sales odometer).  Once I master those 3, I should be good to go.  I brought the manual home.  I have tomorrow "off" but I will read the manual and figure out the operation. 

I have never met a manual I couldn't understand.  They make them pretty simple.  So, I don't really have tomorrow off, I have homework. 

But I get to sleep late, praise God. 

We stocked for a while after they left, I helped Ron as usual, and we left a little early.  Ron was very aggravated that one of the postal workers was watching soccer on TV, in Spanish.  He had some complaints about that but the person just laughed at him (a good response, seriously, when Ron gets going).  We left and waited outside for a while. 

Our pickup came early, but it wasn't straight.  We picked up someone at the welfare clinic and then took her to her apartment.  She was angry she didn't get FEMA money even though her apartment flooded.  I wanted to tell her most of the money was for people who lost homes.  If your apartment floods you just move.  You can't do that with a home, you have to repair it, so you need the money.  I am sure the apartment got FEMA money to make repairs, though, but I didn't get into it with her.  She seemed very greedy. 

When someone like that asks about living in my subdivision, I say they are all owned homes.  No rentals.  Even though there is a section 8 rental house several blocks over.  They would just make a lousy neighbor. 

The worst residents on my block, with the exception of #6, are all the ones in the rentals.  Maybe the landlords don't do a good job of screening, but there has just been a lot of drama and uproar with the renters.  They don't keep the houses or yards up, they are loud, they bring down the neighborhood.  And they pay a LOT to live there.  I asked one of the landlords what he was charging, about 10 years ago, and he said $1300.  That's a lot more than our mortgage. 

So we came home, happily we dropped her first, and we told the driver about the good Mexican food restaurant with the fajita specials.  He dropped us at home. 

I laid down for a little bit, didn't sleep, and got up with a horrible headache.  I took some Excedrin and went out with Ron.  I got a bacon cheeseburger, he got an appetizer variety plate.  We had a good time celebrating our new machines.   Eating killed my headache, and I took my pills when I got home. 

We came home and Ron laid down.  I made him take his clothes off.  Biscuit likes to sleep with him and get white cat hair all over Ron's clothes.  Then Ron looks bad, which, by extension, makes ME look bad. 

If Ron looks scruffy in any way, it comes back on me being a "bad caregiver".  One reason I always scrub him so well when he has a doctor's appointment. 

Ron got into the vodka, and I made some grape sugarfree drink.  I have been craving grape lately.  It is easy enough to make a batch, and it doesn't have caffeine so I don't have to worry about that. 

In a couple minutes I will go check the mail and - back, nothing important. 

I forgot I had clipped my hair up on top of my head, until I saw my shadow walking down the street.  Not very "glam" but it's comfortable. 

I plan to stay up for a little bit and then go to bed early. 

Ron had asked me what I wanted to do tomorrow.  I told him I needed to go to Walmart but did not want to go tomorrow.  He agreed.  We will go Monday, probably.  I need to go during certain hours.  And I sure don't want to go tomorrow. 

I have been running and running the last couple weeks: I need a day off.  So we are going to sleep in, eat Mexican food, go home, go right back to bed (God willing), read my manual, and go to bed early for truck day on Saturday. 

God willing. 

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

I need to stay top notch

I had one of those nights were I slept fine, but woke up exhausted.  All this running the last couple weeks is wiping me out. 

I did have a bottle of carrot juice, a large salad, and some cottage cheese for dinner so I am trying to fuel myself properly.  I had a big salad for lunch, and will do a big "mess" of cooked greens with dinner. 

We can't afford me to go down right now.  I have got to stay top notch. 

So I got up, drank a bottle of Diet Dr (I had one leftover from my trip) and went to work.  We had an argument about one vending machine.  Our boss said to make sure the snack machine is empty before we sent it back.  So I emptied it.  Ron objected bitterly, saying we were going to "lose money".  I finally took the money out of the validator (all $19) and showed him this is what we made on it in almost a week.  We're not going to lose any money.  Ron shut up. 

I didn't really do much work other than that.  We will be working a long day tomorrow and I can do all my work then.  Ron only had us there a couple of hours anyway. 

The repairman came and swapped out the locks.  The machine has to go back with a lock and key, but not OUR locks and keys.  We have good quality locks, hard to pick, excellent overall.  We had the repairman bring some cheap cylinder locks.  Image.  He took out the old locks, gave them to us, and put in the new locks.  We paid him and he left. 

Easy money for the repairman.  I like him a lot.  He is a good guy.  He also gave me a tip on the bottled vendor. 

After that, it was pretty much time to go.  We got everything loaded into the stockroom and left. 

We had a longer ride home, we had to pick up an old lady and her adult son, who were going to the grocery store.  We dropped them at the grocery store, and went home.  I was exhausted and took a nap. 

When I got up, I was exhausted.  I was awake but no where near alert.  It is easy to see how I used to abuse caffeine.  I did a load of laundry anyway.  It was a real pain lint brushing all the cat hair off Ron's clothes, he wears them to bed, and then sleeps with the cats, but hopefully I can correct that. 

I got the laundry done and got online - well, I got the laundry in the wash and running, then got online.  The load finished and I put it in the dryer, removing fun things like my bras.  I need to hang them up so they dry tonight. 

I've got a load in the dryer right now.  If it dries tonight (my dryer can be a little sluggish) I will hang them all up.  I hang up everything except socks and underwear. 

Still tired.  I have to remind myself it was one week of Ron in the hospital, one week of me with the cold, and then the visit from my parents this week.  They had so much energy.  That really blew me away.  This week is all work running around, and then next week is running around to doctors.  I need to stay as fresh as possible, which is why I'm really focusing on eating quality foods. 

I need to be healthy. 

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Seagulls are thugs

What have I been up to?  Here's a hint. 

I look awful, but I love you, readers, so I will share. 

Light colors are not flattering on large people, but it's one of my favorite t-shirts. 

So, Monday morning, I went to work.  We stocked, etc.  I helped Ron do his thing.  Ron's back started spasming so he had to lay down.  I have a sleeping bag for him at work, he lays on top of it in the hall, out of the way (the fire exit hall, if we have a fire poor Ron's getting trampled, but that's not a big probability).  He laid down for about an hour while I worked. 

There is zero chance Ron could ever hold down another job at this point and time. 

Finally, time to go.  I got him ready and we went out to Mom and Dad, waiting in the SUV.  Dad was upgraded, because they didn't have "his" car. 

I got Ron in the car, the wheelchair in the trunk (I am not asking my 70+ Dad to heft a wheelchair), and off we went.  We got some lunch at a little seafood shack, they really enjoyed it, as I hoped they would.  Then we went to Galveston. 

We had a good time on the way, but by the time we checked in to our hotel (really more of a motel, but it is reliable and comfortable), Ron's back was in trouble again.  He laid down for a couple of hours.  I tried to take a nap but it didn't work. 

I texted them when I got up,and they came and got me.  Ron wasn't going anywhere.  He did not bring alcohol.  I told him I wouldn't "help".  So he laid in bed with his talking book while we left.  We did some exploring of the island, fed some seagulls - well, I did.  They stayed in the car and she look pictures. 

We did some more exploring.  Ron shot me a few text messages.  My text message alert tone makes Dad jump, I finally put it in airplane mode. 

We went out to dinner.  It was nice talking to them.  They could finally ask me questions about Ron.  They know about the drinking but they were more interested in the medical end of things.  I talked to them.  They think he might need a hospital bed. 

I'm sure I could get him one, if he wants.  But when I got back to him he said no, thanks. 

The meal was pretty good, although I wouldn't get the crab cake thing again.  I ate some bread pudding for dessert.  It was good, but it had alcohol in the sauce.  I could taste it. 

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate alcohol?  Other than that it was fine. 

They took me back to the hotel room.  Oh, something funny.  When I checked in they wanted my car information.  I told them I didn't have a car, someone had dropped me off.  She was very surprised. 

The people next door kept talking loudly for a while, on their cell phones, I think.  They finally shut up.  I slept fitfully but I did dream so I got some REMS.  I woke up at 7, my usual time. 

I got up and talked to Ron for a little while.  We did not whisper, so we probably woke up the loud talkers in the next room.  I didn't feel at all bad about that. 

I took a nice long shower.  They have an insanely wonderful showerhead at the motel.  I took my time and shaved my legs.  Then I took Ron to breakfast.  It was walking distance, I pushed him in the wheelchair. 

They only had wheelchair ramps at the wheelchair rooms - and we were in a standard ground floor room.  I had to go through the motel to get out to the street. 

I took him to a breakfast place.  He got a big meal.  I had a smaller meal, which is starting to wear off.  Then we went back to the motel.  I called Mom and Dad to come get me.  Ron didn't want to go out because he would have to sit up for over an hour on the way home, he wanted to save his back. 

Dad got some gas while Mom got lattes for them, and I got some bread (only 2 loaves, this time) for the seagulls.  We drove around for a while and found a likely spot, and that's where they took the picture. 

I really enjoy feeding the seagulls.  They are so cute, cawing and begging for food.  They get pretty close, too.  If I hold a slice of bread in the air they will swoop by and take chunks. 

There was a pitiful little pigeon, too.  I made sure he (coloring says a male) got his fair share of bread although the seagulls are thugs. 

Our boss called, he is bringing "new" vending machines this week.  We will need to work 2 extra days, one to prepare for it, and another day to get them.  It will take a while but Ron has his sleeping bag so he can lie down. 

We might want to look into getting a reclining wheelchair.  Although I think it hurts him to lean back, forward is better for him. 

Back to the visit - I hung up after coordinating some details with Ron.  I am glad this is happening this week, and not next week when Ron had doctor's appointments. 

It's going to be a busy couple weeks. 

We went back and got Ron, checked out.  We were about 15 miles down the road when the motel called and said Ron left his talking book.  He was very upset at me, but did more the martyr thing than name calling. 

I would have liked to see him try his usual stuff in front of my Dad!  Ha!  We went back and got it, then headed home. 

We said goodbye in the driveway and went in the house.  Biscuit was very happy to see me, and Baby Girl happy to see Ron.  Torbie played it cool, only coming out for treats.  They ate 2 days' of food in one day, good thing I came back.  Biscuit took a nap with me. 

This morning, it felt so odd brushing my teeth, without him begging for breakfast.  He seems to be very cuddly since I came back, he's lying next to me right now.  It makes it hard to get to the kitchen. 

I need to do some dinner.  I need to do up my pills - I was lazy and just brought the 4 prescription bottles with me in the bag. 

Ron is happy laying in bed.  Tomorrow we get up early and do our prep work for the vending machine.  Hopefully sales were pretty good and it is mostly empty. 

I will probably need to bring an empty crate, though, just in case.  I'm sure I have one around the house somewhere. 

Sunday, June 17, 2018

A visit with the parents

So, my Dad's in town.  Along with my adoptive Mom.  Say what you will, she did raise me. 

I slept pretty well last night - no noise.  Biscuit threw up twice, he must have known today was special.  I cleaned it up when I got up. 

I took my shower and tried to get Ron ready.  He bitterly protested the washcloth so I barely got anything done. 

I figured out how to hack his hospital blood test results - man, he is anemic.  I can see why they gave him blood.  Even after the blood, most of his numbers suck.  His liver numbers were a little low but not overly.  I was happy to see that. 

So I left Ron on his own.  Mom and Dad have raised 4 kids and have 4 grandkids.  I knew they would understand, if Ron wasn't up to "standards", that I had done my best.  I wasn't too happy that Ron wore his long pants (I think he is shy about his legs, now), and then laid in bed, getting cat hair all over them.  Then I had to lint brush them and try to make him look presentable. 

Funny how, in spite of everything, I still want to impress them. 

They came to get us.  I brought her in the house (I had warned her it was a mess) and introduced her to the cats; well, Baby Girl and Torbie.  Biscuit fled, under the bed, I presume, when he heard her. 

She got some pictures of the girls, then me holding each one (I got cat hair all over my shirt).  We left.  It was raining.  Dad had rented a Chevy Traverse, I think, so plenty of room for the wheelchair in the back.  He let me handle it.  None of us wants Dad blowing his back on something I do practically every day. 

You could see the cat hair all over Ron's butt, when he got in the car.  Sigh. 

We went to church.  It was fine.  I didn't see a lot of people I knew but that was OK.  It will probably be a while until I can get back.  It's not on a bus line, or in the service area for paratransit.  Basically the black zone. 

We went out to the BBQ place Dad likes, after.  He loves going to this place every time he comes, and one year we went multiple times.  He had brisket, she had ribs, Ron had brisket and links (at least he is eating red meat to build up his blood), and I had a burger.  It was PACKED.  We had a good meal.  Ron did not drink, I think he forgot they sell alcohol, or he didn't want to look like a lush in front of my parents. 

We came home.  I took a nap.  At first I was lonely.  I have gotten spoiled, with Torbie and Biscuit sleeping with me most nights.  Biscuit decided to forgive me for bringing her in, and got in bed with me.  That was a good nap. 

I got up.  Biscuit laid by me on the computer for a while, that's another thing he and Torbie do.  Easy to see my 2 favorites - and then went and vomited twice on the tile floor.  He's a puker, my Biscuit, but very fat so I don't worry about him.  I cleaned it up.  The last thing I needed was Ron rolling through the mess and tracking it all over the house. 

I need to do my God Time, and bag up some candy.  I will do that and probably go right back to bed.  Tomorrow starts very early. 

About the possum: if I weren't mentally ill I would be a lot more concerned, but how do I know it's really there?  I have heard some noise, which could have been the cats.  I saw it once, and I found a half-eaten cracker where I saw the possum, but that was a while ago.  I think it went,and then our handyman fixed it so it couldn't come back.  Biscuit has gone under the bed a couple of time when people came by, so I don't think it's under there.  I venture it would object to Biscuit popping in like that. 

So I'm not going to stress.  But Mom made a good point, I'd better deactivate the trap before I take my little overnight trip.  Hate to have a cat stuck in there 'till we got home. 

Off I go to bag up candy. 

Saturday, June 16, 2018

My day in 10 paragraphs

I didn't sleep well last night, something making noise under my bed woke me up a couple of times.  I told the possum to shut up when Ron was in the hospital, I didn't have time for it, but it has apparently become active again. 

I did sleep with Torbie and Biscuit, so nice to have them in my bed.  They are very cuddly.  I sure get a lot out of them. 

I got up late, took my shower, and went to the warehouse.  Ron was in a nasty mood to start, and I found him drinking in the kitchen when I got up this morning.  That wasn't encouraging.  I got all our supplies and we went to work and unloaded them. 

I helped him stock, "my" department didn't need much so I just focused on helping him.  We finished and came home. 

I was pretty tired - interrupted sleep from last night.  I took a very short nap with Torbie and Biscuit (again!), got up. 

The whole time Ron was in the hospital he kept talking about Red Lobster, how much he wanted to go there.  I told him we would go when he got out.  He finally got to go today. 

It was a good meal but I honestly wouldn't go back.  It was alright but pretty expensive.  Yeah, they give you a lot of food but I have a little seafood shack close to the house that has better food, for cheaper. 

But it made Ron happy, and my pills were OK with my meal.  That's all I really cared about. 

We came home.  I am finishing up some laundry and then calling my parents, and going to bed.  They will be picking us up at 10 tomorrow morning so I will wake up early so I can make sure Ron is presentable. 

I'm tired.  Hopefully I will sleep uninterrupted tonight. 

Friday, June 15, 2018

Fumble!

We had today off - we worked last night for the night shift.  Both of us thought it was a good idea for them to see us.  It was good but I was tired and went to bed when we got home. 

I thought I might sleep later, but I still woke up around 8 this morning.  I got up, did my shower and God Time.  I bagged up some candy, feeling guilty about the cold germs I am certainly including with the candy assortment.  I consoled myself with the thought it is not a bad cold and they will recover quickly if they do get sick. 

I tried to take a nap, but it didn't work.  Ron wanted to go out.  I checked the mail and found the letter from the doctor asking us to come in re: his tests.  I told Ron, he said he would call next week.  I'm not happy about it but Ron's body = Ron's decision.  I will remind him of this, repeatedly.  Not much else I can do in the meantime. 

As I said before, I'm conflicted.  If there was a serious problem I have to think the hospital doctor would have mentioned it, but he only brought up the anemia.  It could be this doctor just wants every patient to come in and discuss their blood work.  I don't know, and I won't know until we go in.  How fun! Having to wonder for days. 

In the meantime, my Dad and stepmother are coming out to visit.  We will entertain them for a few days and send them on their way.  She is thinking she can come in and get pictures of the cats.  My cats don't operate like that.  They hate photos, and strangers.  My house is a mess - if I was going to clean it, Ron's hospitalization and my subsequent cold put the nail in that.  I will be lucky to clean the most objectionable spots and leave it at that.  I'm choosing not to invest any energy in worrying about that. 

I can only do what I can do.  I ran the business, I took care of Ron, I took care of the cats.  We are clean, smell appropriate, and are wearing clean clothes.  That's the best I can do right now. 

I remind myself I am also operating under a big load of medication - and it makes me tired.  It works, I didn't get manic with Ron in the hospital.  I took care of myself when I got sick.  But I get tired.  And I have brain damage, I can't even drive. 

Ron was talking today at dinner about how great it would be if I could drive.  That's like saying how great it would be if he could drive.  Me, when I think about driving I think about very expensive repairs, road rage, and other drivers distracted by devices.  I see it a lot these days, a driver sitting at a light, the light changes, it's a good 45 seconds with all the other car horns blaring before he/she looks up and sees the light has changed.  By the time they get going the light has changed and the next one gets into their device.  I see them, all the time, scrolling, as they drive.  It's scary. 

I wasn't hurt, but I could have been, by that, especially when Ron started comparing me to other women he knew, who could drive.  Well, guess what?  They are all gone, he's in a wheelchair now, and I'm still here.  So maybe driving isn't that important after all. 

I did have a loss today.  I was doing some preliminary packing today for our overnight trip to Galveston.  I rinsed off my deodorant stone, picked it up, and fumbled!  Crash!  Fragments of deodorant stone all over the floor!  I really like the crystal, it works very well for me.  I had to sweep it up, the fragments weren't sharp, but they were "crunchy" underfoot. 

I didn't have any issues using the aluminum based deodorants, but I got a lot of abscesses in my armpit area.  When I switched to the crystal, they stopped.  So I use it because it works and also no infections.  Nothing more painful. 

Happily, I did have a backup, so no great loss.  I am a little sad because I had it for so long and it went through a lot with me.  I tend to get attached to things. 

Well, I'd better get going.  Tomorrow we do our supply run.  That will be hot and miserable work.  But it won't be long. 

Then I can come home and do some cleaning.  I'm not frantic, but I will do what I can. 

Got a letter

From Ron's primary doc.  Wants to discuss blood test results.  - cue ominous music-

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Back to Old Days

Ron has just been awful the last couple days. 

He was fairly sweet when he was in the hospital, and the first few days home, but we are back to Old Days with a vengeance.  Name-calling, judging, demanding, unreasonable, manipulative, just all around awful. 

I know a lot of you are not surprised. 

Anyway, yesterday I had a horrible headache that morphed into a migraine.  I figured that out in the Denny's bathroom, as I vomited up the diet soda I had drunk.  That's all I had, just some diet soda.  I ordered food but looking at it made me nauseous so I put it in a to go container.  I had a little more diet soda, started getting queasy.  I took a phenergan, and threw up.  Thankfully in the toilet, and no one knew but me, but I was ready to go home and go to bed. 

I did that.  I slept late and got up with Biscuit demanding breakfast.  I fed him.  I figured out what I had eaten that triggered the headache.  I had already eaten some of the chips today, so I got a bad headache, but nothing like yesterday. 

I rested as much as I could.  My house will have to stay messy.  I have to take care of myself. 

I did take a shower and do my God Time, then back to bed.  I am still getting over the cold (thank God NOT a sinus infection) and a migraine today so priority: me. 

I did help Ron get ready for work, we went in late today.  We paid some refunds and made change.  One of the safety guys wanted to talk to us about some issues which were all related to the other vendor.  He said it was fine for us to keep Ron's work wheelchair in the cafeteria area.  That was my only concern with "safety" - they might say no to that.  We stocked, it needed some work but not "blown out". 

I like to go in for different shifts and be seen, let them know who they are supporting.  I think that is important.  I would like to do that more often.  About the only problem I had were people coming to me for refunds for the other vendor's machines.  I politely told them I don't service those machines and referred them to the number posted on the machines. 

However, it threw my schedule all out of whack, I am used to sleeping when I was working, and I hadn't taken my mood stabilizers yesterday due to the migraine, plus still getting over the migraine and the cold. 

Ron said I was being a bitch.  I don't believe I was, but I wasn't putting up with his shit to the degree I normally do. 

When we got home Ron went straight for the vodka.  He says everyone, including his doctor and pharmacist, are "liars" because it isn't outright killing him to drink and take the blood thinner.  I told him alcohol amplifies drugs and it is a bad idea.  He told me to shut up. 

I believe he is somewhat suicidal.  He is hoping to "accidentally" kill himself.  That's the only explanation I can find for him mixing alcohol and prescriptions in direct opposition to 2 doctors' orders.  He called the pharmacy when I wasn't around.  He spoke to his doctor in front of me.  He knows it is not safe, but he does it. 

In fact, today he told me "I'm going to have 2 (servings) today, since one didn't hurt me".  I reminded him he had told me he wasn't going to talk about his alcohol usage to me now, since it is verboten. 

And, along with the drinking comes the stupid behaviors, like throwing out a whole package of burritos he liked because he thought they were the ones that gave me migraines.  Now he is out a whole package of burritos and I have them rotting in my garbage. 

I'm tired. 

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Fast-er

Monday was long.  I got up early, went to work, sick.  Sorry customers.  A lot of you will be coming down with colds now.  It can't be avoided. 

On a 1-10 with 10 being a puking migraine, I would call the cold a 3.  Not acute or severe by any means.  Just annoying and tiring. 

We went to work, I stocked, I helped Ron.  I was particularly careful about pushing him from one spot to another when he was working, because I didn't want him hitting his leg on a table and bleeding everywhere.  He is on blood thinners, that means more coddling. 

Speaking of his blood, when I was reviewing the discharge papers his A1C was 5.1 - that's perfect. 

I was talking to a friend I have known online for probably 20 years, and she made a comment "I don't mother my husband".  Well, in my case I need to.  I need to remind him to take his pills, etc.  It's just a feature of the head injury. 

He did have one drink one Sunday, but hasn't had any since.  He only told me afterward.  I told him I was very disappointed and reminded him, if he gets sick, I will be the one they blame.  He told me, if he drinks again he won't tell me.  I don't see how that is supposed to protect me. 

Other than that it was a pretty standard day, except I made sure he didn't bang into anything.  Most blind people, I have found, have a lot of scars on their lower legs from constantly running into things.  Heads and hands are other popular injury spots.  Just what I have seen. 

We came home.  I took a nap.  We went out to eat and had a pretty good time.  When we got home I made our royalty payment to the state program.  They get a percentage, every month.  If they DON'T get their payment there is hell to pay. 

I did that.  I went to bed. 

I am taking various supplements that are compatible with my medication, oregano oil capsules, vitamin C, etc.  My ears got clogged this morning so I took some guiafenisen.  It acts as a decongestant but isn't one, so I can take it.  If I took normal cold pills I would 1.  Become screamingly manic.  Really wild.  and 2.  Have a fatal seizure from drug interactions.  I guess I would die "happy" but not a good way to go. 

And how stupid, "She took cold medicine with her crazy pills".  Like I said, it's uncomfortable but not miserable.  I didn't get a bad cold as these go. 

I did manage to start my cycle, though.  That and the cold at the same time reminds me of the time I had my cycle and the flu, around Christmas, back in 1991.  That was a miserable time.  Company was visiting so they took my bed and put me on the floor, with the flu.  The other kids were not sick, and got to keep their beds.  I was also under quarantine because some of the guests were older and they didn't want him getting sick.  That, I could understand, but taking my bed?  My Dad made enough money, they could have bought a bed for the guests and then donated it afterward.  I would never put my sick child on the floor. 

I slept pretty long.  I kept waking up to blow my nose (the last time I took an antihistamine I got really manic, so I'm avoiding them), and drink water, but otherwise OK.  I had some odd dreams, but not bad. 

I woke up at 7 to an eager Biscuit wanting his breakfast.  Apparently, Biscuit is going to Ron first thing in the morning, when he's awake, and trying to motivate Ron into getting up and feeding him.  Ron never feeds the cats dry food.  I don't think he even knows where I keep the bowl.  I brushed my teeth and fed Biscuit, then I loaded my pills into my portable organizer. 

When I get sick, I lose my appetite.  I don't have an appetite today.  When I get really sick the idea of food is revolting.  I have been told it's the body's way of ramping up the immune system, so all those people who were screaming at me and shoving food in my face, every time I got sick: WRONG.  Better to do a light fast (eat with meds only) and get better fast-er. 

I'm not big on fasting, but I will when I'm sick, as much as possible when I need to be taking my pills with food,and a pretty good amount, at that. 

We went to Walmart.  Our ride was very late but Ron was happy about it.  He doesn't like to spend very long at Walmart.  We rode with a very obese woman and a guy on the way to dialysis.  The other clients, if they are not on dialysis or mentally limited, are always obese.  They need sturdier vehicles.  Sometimes the passenger will literally break the front passenger seat. 

We paid the electric bill and got Ron's medication.  That wasn't cheap.  I left Ron up front and did my shopping.  I bought some salad greens, and some cooking greens.  Last week I promised myself I would eat a raw green salad (mixed greens) and a cooked green every day.  I can absolutely do that.  It can only improve my health. 

I also got some other things, and Ron's cat treats.  I paid.  Ron texted me he wanted chicken strips.  I went back and got them. 

I specifically asked him, before I started shopping, to tell me everything he wanted, but he changed his order twice.  I got it anyway. 

I got his chicken strips and took them to him.  He ate them with a good appetite. 

I ate my hamburger (a small one) and took my morning pills.  When we got home I put the food away and then went to bed. 

Someone rang the doorbell around 2.  I was furious they might have woken Ron up.  By the time I got to the door, the coward had run off.  Shame.  I was looking forward to sharing my head cold.  I went back to bed and had a dream about Anthony Bourdain.  It is a shame he killed himself, especially as I believe he died unsaved. 

I got up and watched a little TV, figured out what I want for dinner (salad, cooked greens, soup, and a glass of milk should hold my evening pills).  I'm about to go eat it now. 

I have NO appetite but I still need to get it down so I can take my pills.  The last thing this family needs is me getting mentally sick. 

Monday, June 11, 2018

A longer post, tomorrow

Really tired today.  Went to work, went to the bank, got some dinner.  Ron is OK, I have a mild cold I picked up somewhere.  Going to bed early. 

Torbie and Biscuit have been great about sleeping with me, and hanging out when I am on the computer. 

Sunday, June 10, 2018

One person cat

I slept pretty well last night, but I'm developing a sore throat and itchy nose.  Great. . I haven't had a head cold in a year and a half and now this.  And I even ate a salad, every day, in the hospital, so I could stay healthy. 

But I didn't get enough sleep, and I was stressed, so that is apparently enough.  I have zinc lozenges, oregano oil, and vitamin C.  They should be enough to beat this back.  I am also eating right and getting plenty of sleep. 

Ron, in the meantime, is sleeping a lot and bonding with his cat.  He is wearing his underwear, curled up on his side in bed, with the cat spooning behind his knees.  It is very cute but he is in his underwear so no picture.  They look so sweet. 

She really loves her Daddy.  Baby Girl is a one cat person.  I mean a one person cat.   Her person is Ron.  She thinks I am OK and will even let me pet her tummy, but I doubt she would cry all over the house like she did when Ron was gone. 

My other two cats love us both equally, although I think Biscuit does favor me a little.  But that's just because I feed him. 

I've been thinking.  The first time Ron went to the hospital with blood clots, 15 years ago, he also had a cardiac tamponade.  The staff treated the tamponade as "the big deal" and the clots as a minor aside.  I even remember asking a cardiac doctor about the clots, would Ron need blood thinners or anything like that?  He smiled and said no, Ron would be fine. 

They did treat his clots with heparin - it was actually one clot, put in a clot filter, and sent him to rehab when his broken leg had healed enough for walking. 

So, no big deal.  I've spent basically the last 20 years of my life thinking it was a freak one-off because Ron had a broken leg and couldn't walk.  I sure didn't see it as a big, life-threatening deal. 

Until this hospitalization.  Literally 3 doctors freaked out in front of me, due to the blood clots.  That's not easily forgotten.  I'm not accustomed to seeing doctors freak out like that. 

Doc said no additional exercise so Ron staying in bed will be a good thing, I suppose.  I need to get him some water today, when he wakes up I need to give it to him.  He needs to stay hydrated.  I am sure he is taking his pills OK, they put the fear of God into him.  I need to feed him some red meat to build up his blood. 

I'm just happy I don't have to give him shots. 

Saturday, June 9, 2018

2 days in one, again

I will try to do yesterday's post. 

I got up at 3:30, got ready, and texted one of my "Mikes" - I have 3 Mike cab drivers in my phone book - about quarter to five.  He texted me back he would be there at 5:10.  That would work. 

We went to work.  I warned him it was a terrible neighborhood and told him to "run like hell" without taking any trips.  He said he knew.  I made it worth is while, paying him, and he left. 

I went to work and told everyone the Ron updates.   I stocked.  I finished early so I ate a snack and waited on my ride. 

I went out early, he was early to.  I got to the hospital at 10:30.  I hung out with Ron for a bit.  He was confused if he really got blood last night, all he said was they kept checking his blood pressure last night.  So I asked the nurse.  She said yes, he got his blood, and his numbers went up from 7.1 to 8.6, which was good, and in her estimation, Ron would probably go home today. 

Good.  I got a lunch.  I have been trying to eat a big salad every day so I got one, and a sandwich.  This sandwich was pretty awful, ham on white bread.  I hate white bread, but it enabled me to take my pills. 

About my pills: I was pretty consistent in my dosing this week, a little late a few times, but overall a good job.  I did get a little manic yesterday but I think that was the caffeine. 

I did abuse caffeine, big time.  I just drank a lot of diet Dr Pepper, and took some headache pills every day.  I was glad I had the headache pills in my bag. 

I ate my lunch with Ron, he ate his lunch, and he went to the bathroom.  While in the bathroom he pulled the emergency fall string and the nurse came bursting in through the door, all set to save him.  She had to see Ron on the toilet before she could turn off the alarm.  Ooops.  I showed him the string so he wouldn't pull it again. 

Doc came by.  He said he likes me because I follow instructions and he doesn't have to worry about follow through.  He said Ron could go home, if he saw a blood doctor next week (to figure out the clotting issue), and his primary doc as well.  OK, we can do that. 

I asked him, twice, about alcohol usage (in front of Ron) and both times he was adamant Ron cannot drink.  Ron has gotten the message and has not had anything to drink since he came home. 

It took a while to process the paper work.  Ron was so impatient he got dressed and had me take him to the nurses' station.  The charge nurse took off his telemetry (heart) monitor and sent him back to his room. 

Nurse came by (she was s rabid vegetarian, and liberal), and took out his IV.  Blood thinners.  Talk about a crime scene.  Blood EVERYWHERE.  All over Ron, the sheets, everything.  I hope we don't get in an accident because any small thing could make Ron bleed to death. 

Really glad he isn't passing out on the floor anymore. 

So, we got Ron cleaned up as much as we could and called Mike the third cab driver.  He came and got us, took us home.  Ron already had his pills so he didn't need to fill them. 

We came home and took a nap.  I was dead.  Ron was snoring away.  He had a great reunion with Baby Girl, she was on a chair and he was sitting on the bed.  She was rubbing her head against him.  We got up and some friends met us for dinner. 

We came home, went to bed.  I slept pretty well but not long enough. 

I got up at 6 and got ready to go to the warehouse.  We went and I got all our supplies.  Jack met us and took us, and our stuff, to work.  We stocked.  I helped him as much as I could.  We came home. 

I took a short nap.  We got some dinner.  We're home now. 

Ron has not been very good about staying hydrated in the past.  However, today he was very good about drinking water and even took some bottles of water into his man cave.  I told him, ideally, he will drink 3 (20 ounce) bottles of water a day.  I think he can do that. 

It will sure cut down on his risk of blood clots.  I am also trying to get him to eat more red meat so we can build up his blood again.  I need to find a good place that does liver and onions.  That would be great to build him up. 

Friday, June 8, 2018

Sending him home

Waiting on a cab right now

Ron accidentally pulled

The bathroom emergency cord.  Boy, that caused some excitement.

Blood

Ron got his blood last night.  His color is a lot better.

Busy

Run like hell

Slept pretty well with Torbie.  She may be a big, lazy, lump, but she's a lot of fun.  She got on my chest and purred while I petted her, then pawed at my face while I did it.  Slept pretty well considering. 

Up at 3:30, waiting on my 5 AM cab to go to work.  Have all my crap with me so I shouldn't need anything. 

Based on his Facebook posts, I think Ron's boss is going to come by and say hi today.  He's a nice guy. 

It will be interesting to see how work reacts to the news of Ron's hospitalization.  I know the other vendor is dying to hear about him. 

The other vendor really doesn't want to lose Ron as a unofficial partner, I know that.  I will reassure him Ron isn't about to die and keep him posted.  I didn't tell them about the blood transfusion. 

I will, today. 

I finally remembered to bring my pills so I will be set today, I have my morning and evening pills.  I have money for snacks/meals.  I have cab fare.  I have my badge and keys. 

And just because the timing always sucks, I have my "supplies" should I need them.  Timing says better bring them.  This happened on another hospitalization and it was pretty awkward, better to just bring it.  Oh, it was awful, and that was 15 years ago. 

I have my water proof Bible and some candy evangelism.  Ron has bags of Snickers fun size in his bag at the hospital, to give out to nursing staff.  If he remembers. 

I gave the cats some extra food and water today, I don't know when I'll get home but it might be pretty late.  I really doubt Ron would be going home today, so I'm not planning on it.  It's easy enough to bring him home when they discharge him, pop him in the wheelchair, put his bag in his lap, and call a cab.  We know plenty of cabs, and I haven't had any trouble getting rides home from the hospital. 

My cab driver just texted me.  15 minutes out.  Good. 

Work is in a horrible neighborhood.  When he drops me, I will tell him to run like hell. 

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Their system went down

Pretty uneventful getting to the hospital.  When I got there his nurse told me Ron was getting a unit of blood.  I was very surprised. 

I have to work tomorrow, so I had planned to leave early.  Instead, I planned to wait until after they loaded the blood and gave it to him for an hour, then leave.  The transfusion will take 4 hours. 

BUT their computer system went down, so no blood today.  I hung out with Ron. 

I thought it was significant that Doc came early.  He said he was worried about Ron, he was a complex case, and he needed to see Ron's numbers come up significantly before Ron could come home.  He said a normal value for an adult male is 14, and Ron was a 7.  That's not good. 

So, he ordered blood.  Doc wanted to see the medication, so I gave it to him, he looked at it, read the label, etc.  Then he gave it back.  He apologized to Ron, said he knew Ron wanted to go home, but he couldn't go until he was healthy. 

Then he left. 

I helped Ron eat lunch, we watched TV for a while.  He took a nap and I helped him go to the bathroom.  I bought some cold Diet Dr Pepper.  I called the vending guy because one of his machines went down.  He thought I wanted a refund, I told him no, I am in vending and I would want to know if one of my machines went down. 

I arranged with Chuck to bring me from work, to the hospital, tomorrow.  Later on, I arranged with a cab driver to take me to work.  Good.  We can't pay the bills if someone's not working.  It shouldn't take too long, and I will be at the hospital before Doc comes by again. 

Transportation is always my achilles heel.  But I have that covered. 

I hung out with Ron until 6:30, then had him call me a cab.  A nice guy came for me eventually.  Some emergency room patients tried to steal the cab but he didn't let them.  I was going to be a pretty good trip ($20+) and they looked a little iffy to me.  He's the one who's going to take me to work tomorrow. 

I got home and the cats were all over, meowing.  I fed them and topped off the water bowls, gave some treats. 

They kept giving Ron shots of blood thinner today so apparently they aren't worried about that.  Apparently the clots and preventing more clots is a bigger deal.   His legs look great. 

It did freak me out, Ron bled a LOT when they started a new IV.  And I'm not squeamish. 

It's 8 PM and I have to get up at 3:30 AM.  Off I go. 

Computer system is down

So no blood yet for Ron.

Saw Doc

Ron's blood count is about half what it should be.  7; should be 14

Lunch

Update

Giving him a unit of blood.

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Wednesday

I slept badly last night.  But Biscuit joined me and he was very cuddly.  Torbie, the traitor, was nowhere to be found.  Probably in front of her fan! 

I woke up at 6:30 with a bad headache, but I had to go to the hospital.  I took some Excedrin and laid back down for a while.  When I felt better, I got up. 

I took a shower and shaved my legs.  I wanted to look mature, responsible, and presentable.  I got dressed and did my God Time.  Ron called in the middle of that, he was enjoying his breakfast and feeling like a king.  He was really enjoying the care, but worried about the bill at the hospital. 

I finished up and called a cab.  I got a really nice latino driver.  I told him a little about Ron and he thought I was the most amazing woman.  I told him we take care of each other, and we do in a lot of ways. 

I got to the hospital and found him.  He was a little cranky, as he had just figured out his Medicare copay.  I hung out with him through the morning, his lunch, and the visit from the Doc. 

Doc said no blood clots in the lungs, yay!  Ron said he wanted to go home.  Doc said if I filled a prescription for the blood thinners he would send Ron home tomorrow.  I'm to present the bottle to Doc tomorrow and then Ron will apparently get his discharge papers. 

Doc left and Ron called Chuck to take me to Walmart.  We fill all our prescriptions at the one Walmart, it is easier.  Chuck was happy to take me, and very nice about it.  We also gave him some gas money. 

They filled the prescription pretty quick and I asked specifically about alcohol.  They said moderate use was OK, the concern was excessive use might cause an ulcer which would cause him to "bleed out". 

I bought a few little things for me, and we left, going back to Ron.  I told Ron what the pharmacist said.  He wanted to "look" at the bottle.  He likes that it is square shaped, unlike his other prescription bottles.  I had to tell him about the dosing maybe 5 times, I still don't know if he got it.  Worst case I will dole them out to him every 12 hours.  He'll get it. 

I hung out with Ron for a while yet.  I got there about 10 this morning and left about 7:15.  When I left, he called me a cab.  The dispatcher got some of the info wrong but the cab still found me.  He was a very nice Indian man.  We talked about life insurance (he wants to buy some) on the way home. 

It's about a $20 ride from my house to the hospital, if you wondered.  Of course I gave a good tip, too. 

When I got out I noticed the yard had been done.  It looked great.  Good.  It looked pretty mangy when I left this morning.  Thank you, yard guys. 

The cats jumped me when I got in the house.  They are not used to being left for more than a few hours at a time.  I gave them some treats. 

I set my alarm for tomorrow and filled up the water bottle on my bedside table.  I did some organizing things and checked the cat food (they didn't eat it all, so they don't get more). 

Doc said he would be there in the afternoon so I don't need to worry about getting to the hospital at the crack of dawn tomorrow.  I know some docs like to make very early morning rounds, happily this one doesn't. 

OK, I'm going to go do fun things for a while and go to bed.  It is nice to play my music louder than normal (but still not audible to the neighbors), since Ron isn't here.  That is fun.  Ron hates my music so I normally keep it at a pretty low level. 

Not tonight!  (But still not being an asshole).