Showing posts from October, 2016


Retching into the kitchen sink, tears running down my face, gasping for breath around the bile in my mouth, I cursed the migraine.  This was the second time I had gotten sick in the sink and I was getting tired of it. 

I never understood the whole "kneeling on the floor by the toilet to vomit" routine.  I'm already vomiting, you're going to make me kneel on top of that?  No, I prefer a bucket.  Failing that, give me a nice sink.  The kitchen sink did the job admirably.  Thank God I had gotten rid of the dirty dishes. 

I woke up around 1 AM with a nasty headache.  As you may know, Tylenol and other NSAIDS interact with my medication and are not advised, so I took some aspirin. 

I can't take Imitrex or other drugs like it because I am at risk for heart attacks, I am overweight and I have a family history on both sides.  Not suggested at all. 

My aunt, who is very thin, can take it. 

Anyway, I took the aspirin and went back to bed.  It helped a little, but I wo…


I'm pretty depressed today so I'm going to keep it short. 

I slept in until about 9, I did my God Time and took a shower.  I did a load of laundry. 

Ever since my washer broke I am scared to run it, scared to hear it run.  I always worry something catastrophic will happen.  I learned my lesson, I won't run it during my God Time, I was very tense. 

I got everything in the dryer (except the stuff that can't be dried) and got that going. 

I forgot to get the full sized snickers bars for Halloween, the last time we went to Sam's Club, so I had to call Chuck and go today.  It was insane, very busy and chaotic. 

I listened to the woman in front of me tell her friend how she lost her job for "accidentally" hitting a student.  She was really upset she got fired for it, but, dude, she hit a student.  Accident or not no parent is going to stand for that. 

This is how things work in America.  I'm not saying it's right, or wrong - some kids need some ph…

Not that I'm saying I did anything

It was a long day and I'm tired. 

Ron couldn't sleep last night and kept me up.  I know that wasn't his intent, it was just a nasty side effect of his insomnia. 

I also realized his wheelchair squeaks, just enough to disturb me.  I had gotten used to it before he "left".  Now that he's back I have to get used to it again (I have no idea where the squeak originates). 

Someone asked if I felt different while Ron was gone.  Not really.  I wasn't "on call" to help him every minute, which he can do sometimes.  I didn't have to worry about Ron's drinking or having a blackout.  I could set my bag wherever I wanted, without worrying about him falling over it.  I didn't have him pestering me to watch movies with him. 

It was very similar to when he did his training, back in 2001.  He had to go out of town and live in a residential hotel for 4 months.  It was a litmus test, could he?  Could I handle it?  Etc.  We both did fine.  I pretty m…

I did not miss that man

Well, Ron's home. 

Yes, he is drinking, even though he took his medication this morning.  I talked to him, but... [shrug] there was no getting between Ron and the Precious. 

The rest of the day went better.  I got up early, did my shower and God Time, and rode out to the center for the last time with Chuck. 

Ron had finished his breakfast.  As a joke, I had ordered him a biscuit when I filled out his menu, so he ate it.  "I felt guilty" he said "But it was delicious".  Our cat, of course, is named Biscuit. 

I gave Ron some teasing about "eating him" and helped him pack.  He didn't have much.  One, he didn't bring much, and two, I didn't bring much to him while he was there. 

We got it all into a small duffel bag.  I double checked to make sure we hadn't left anything and we waited. 

I looked out the window at the orchard bees pollinating the bushes.  I would miss them.  Orchard bees are the large, black bees.  They are very gentl…

He does better when I'm around

I woke up pretty depressed.  Ron texted me at 7, asking me to bring him Glucosamine ASAP because he was out.  He develops excruciating pain in his wrist if he doesn't take it regularly.  That's another operation he needs, a joint replacement in his thumb. 

He's needed that one for a while but Ron and the hand surgeon agreed they will wait until Ron is in extremis before they do it.  He only has the one good hand, you know. 

I dug out the extra bottle of Glucosamine (as important, I feel, as my medication) and threw it in my bag.  Oddly enough, I cannot take glucosamine with my current drugs, I get horrible gastric upset. 

Ron messaged me again.  When was I coming?  Oh, and by the way, I could stay for a couple of hours if I wanted.  I had to laugh.  Ron wanted me to come visit but couldn't just ask. 

I got ahold of my driver and agreed on 11.  But he got hung up on something so he came more like 11:30.  I climbed aboard and off we went. 

Ron was pretty moody when …

There's cheap, and there's stupid

Ron doesn't want to see me tomorrow. 

No, we didn't have a fight. 

I woke up pretty early and went to work.  I had a surprise visit from "The Boss" who said everything looked "Very Good".  Good.  I stocked everything and made my inventory, for Thursday, when we will most likely make a supply run. 

I wore my back brace.  It has suspenders so I can wear it like an open vest, secure it when I need a lift, and open it up again when I'm done.  Better safe than sorry.  I have seen enough with people in my life and bad backs.  Praise God mine seems pretty happy. 

I treated Chuck and myself to Burger King, and then came home.  I took my meds, and a nap. 

I got a phone call.  Ron was having hysterics.  He had talked to his case manager, who "thought" rehab cost about a thousand dollars a day.  He ran that past 20% of the total bill (his Medicare only pays 80%), came up with several thousand owed, and had a meltdown. 

He wanted to check out tomorr…


Well, the neighbors kept up the party until about midnight, that seemed to be the magic hour. 

I was left lying in my bed, watching the last light wink out, and wondering.  Will they have another party next week?   My calendar says "yes".  So Ron and I need to plan to work late next Saturday and arrange our own ride home from work. 

I don't like the parties.  I think it is inconsiderate, especially when you know many of your neighbors have to go to work at 4-5 AM and often work weekends.  Ron finds it far more upsetting and enraging, he doesn't do well with noise pollution and loud intermittent banging noises. 

I can see why they have "child free" senior living communities, although I think you'd have just as much trouble, if not more, with imported grandchildren. 

It's quiet now and that's what matters. 

I got up, did my God Time, did my shower, did some housework.  I went to see Ron at 1 and stayed until 6:30.  While there, I read my book…

Very Clever

I was exhausted yesterday and batting a horrific headache. 

I didn't start out with the headache, but I did have to wake up at 3 AM which was Not Fun.  I got dressed, did my God Time later, and went into work. 

The other vendor was there.  I showered them with sweetness, light, and optimism.  Positivity, Ron is doing so well.  I know everything I tell them goes everywhere so I am controlling the flow, so to speak. 

I did talk about how badly Ron had done at the start, and focused on his incredible progress and I'm so proud of him.  It was all true.  Ron has really busted his butt.  I am proud of him. 

I forget what I write (I'm surprised I can write at all taking these pills), so I'll focus on some of his latest progress. 

With a rollator Ron has walked over 900 feet at one time.  He goes up and down ramps with no problem. 

He has also gone up and down a fake set of stairs multiple times, and his only gripe being they won't let him come down backwards. 

He c…

It doesn't matter

Depression's pretty bad today.  It's not related to Ron, it just is. 

I hate that about my illness.  Things can be going well all around me, but it doesn't matter.  It doesn't matter.  And that, I think, is the problem civilians have with my illness. 

I learned recently I may be considered schizoaffective and not bipolar, because I hallucinate.  I don't really care about the label but I sure mind the depressions. 

Why, I wonder, couldn't I get a nice clear mania right about now?  That would be great.  Not a big one, just some nice clear energy and positivity for a change. 

Instead poor Ron is stuck with my depressions "Aren't you happy to see me?" he wonders.  Yes, I am.  That's why I came.  But I'm depressed and this is my best.  Oh. 

He had some problems with his cell phone last night, he apparently put it in silent mode and couldn't receive any calls.  He asked his "tech" (CNA) to help him and the man did, fixing the …

Two days for the price of one

I was exhausted yesterday and not up to posting. 

I got up, went to the warehouse. Arrived and realized I did not have my "membership" card.  Had to go back home.  Paid driver for all this.  Back to warehouse.  Bought my stuff, put it in the truck.  Go to work.  Free up 2 carts and drag them outside.  Load with supplies. 

Get into work and stock stock stock.  Do a cursory soda inventory and realize I need pretty much everything.  Finish stocking.  Call driver, go home. 

Take a short nap, do housework (doing God Time every day too).  Go see Ron for a couple of hours.  Come home.  Crash. 

Today I got up pretty early.  Chuck was supposed to pick m up at 7, he was late, I assumed traffic.  We got stuck in more traffic but arrived in plenty of time. 

I met the repairman and he replaced the "Y control board".  He only charged me for the part. 

I accepted graciously and thanked him profusely.  He tested it so I know it is working. 

Then I stocked everything.   That…


I got up pretty early and went to work.  Everything was pretty quiet, except for the bottled vendor, which was broken again.  [curses]  The repairman and I arranged a date to meet to get it fixed. 

I stocked what I could, got my delivery, and stocked it.  I made a list of inventory I need to buy tomorrow.  I am lacking some important things I need. 

I had a look at my carts, I have so many bottled drinks (that I couldn't sell, because the bottled vendor has been out of order), they are pretty unusable.  I store the bottled drinks on the carts until I can put them in the fridge. When they're ready to sell they go back on a cart and into the vending machine. 

But I have a pileup of inventory.  I need certain things, like bottled water, canned soda, pastry, and chips, but I have nowhere to put it. 

I will have to settle for using my folding hand handcart for the inventory.  I looked, there's no simple way I could combine everything onto one cart, much less clear both. 


I can live with "cute"

I slept about 12 hours last night.  I would hate for anyone to think I am burning myself out. 

Agenda for today: shower (done), God time (about to do), dry and fold a load of clothes, do up my meds for 2 weeks.  Nap.  Go see Ron for a couple of hours and maybe get some groceries on the way home. 

Ron told me today someone had a code at his facility.  Everyone was working on the person and his meds were late.  He didn't sound too upset about the meds.  The person got carted off in an ambulance. 

I'll be praying for them.  The average person at the center seems to run between 60 and 80 years old, so Ron fits right in.  They do have a little trouble with him being blind, and have a bad tendency to move things without telling him, but that's really his only complaint. 

I got up, completed my agenda, and had a pretty good day. 

I did my God Time and did up my medication for a while, as the laundry dried.  The meds and the clothes finished about the same time.  I put the cl…

Day Pass

Ron got a "Day Pass" (reminds me of when I was in the mental hospital) to come home and do the sales tax.  It will sure help his blood pressure (not that he has a problem) to get that over with! 

I did some cleaning, got rid of a box I keep behind the door that might impede Ron (the door wouldn't open all the way, he could always get in anyway, but still...), put that in the garage.  I am getting scared of the garage.  It is as bad as the one next door that our drivers are always gaping at and mocking. 

But I've never been one to worry what the neighbors thought, that's why I married a blind man in a wheelchair. 

Actually, Ron and I "lived in sin" for 11 years after we first got together.  I had no spine and couldn't afford to live on my own, so I couldn't give him an ultimatum.  Ron figured I was with him "for the money" so to speak (even though we were always poverty to low income per the charts).  During this time, Ron was fine e…


I haven't gone to see Ron yet.  I worked from 6-10, didn't sleep well either.  I got up and did it anyway. 

I first stocked canned sodas.  I thought it would be nice to get them out of the way first.  However, I had a lot of people peering in the empty snack machines, so I won't do that again.  Then I had a guy yell at me about the coffee machine.   I told him I would get it, but I couldn't get it right now, and gave him his money back. 

The machine goes through a lot of coffee.  People really like it because I use a very high quality dark roast coffee for the machine.  I think it is important to provide a good product. 

If I drank coffee, I would drink it. 

I finally finished sodas.  Now I had to mash up about 20 cases worth of packaging.  That's where I miss Ron at work.  I don't mind stocking the soda, getting the soda, getting the merchandise, etc.  I do mind mashing up all that packaging for the recycle!

Now onto snacks.  I stocked the chips, then did…

I am married to this man

I had today off, mostly. 

I slept in until 8, did my God Time and shower.  I cleaned the house for a while.  I prayed and asked God to show me the Big Issues I needed to get, and Torbie got in my lap for a while.  I petted her, she purred and shed all over my black capris.  Then she left, and Biscuit climbed aboard.  He dug in his claws and enjoyed some petting as he purred in my lap. 

I suppose God was telling me to take it easy.  I did what seemed appropriate but I didn't get a chance to do the floor.  I need to do the floor, and I can never do the floor because Ron always comes along and tracks it up.  Now he's out of the picture for a while, I can get it done. 

I thought about taking a nap but didn't, mainly because I had gotten sweaty from changing the litter box and didn't want to mess up my sheets.  There's always tomorrow. 

I got picked up early and went to the Walmart by the rehab center.  I got some stuff Ron had requested and some soda for myself. Th…

Suitcase Ramp

So, I went to the bank this morning to make the deposit.  We have to pay the repairman, after all. 

I went to the medical supply shop and got a "suitcase ramp" which will get Ron in and out of the garage easily.  It's a little unwieldy to move but once I got it, it worked great. 

That done, I took a nap.  I slept pretty well but Ron texted me during my nap.  As it turns out, it was something about sales tax, which isn't due for 8 more days.  Surely Ron will be home in 8 more days. 

I'm mostly stiff in bed.  I pulled a muscle yesterday and it really only talks to me in bed.  Both sentences sound perverted.  Needless to say, I will take my aleve another couple days. 

I got up and got ready to visit Ron.  He wanted me to bring his wheelchair and some cash.  I did, both. 

I also brought a small massager I bought at the medical supply place.  I thought he would enjoy it.  He liked it a lot, but wants more batteries. 

He declined the cash (but later asked me to b…

Portable wheelchair ramp

Well, my back feels better and my second rind arrived.  I got a mystic cz heart shaped ring., 

I have a soft spot for heart shaped cz's.  The first ring Ron ever got me was an inexpensive heart shaped pink cz.  I picked it out, he bought it.  I wore that thing to death.  I still have it in my memory box.  It was plated and the metal flaked off.  This is set in sterling, cost $14, and is very pretty. 

It does have a thin band, so I won't wear it to work.  Reviews said it will bend pretty easy under "working with your hands" pressure, which is one reason I wear a lot of titanium and tungsten. 

I slept pretty well last night, pretty stiff but getting better.  I will be buying myself a back brace in the near future.  No sense in taking chances.  Ron is literally, the business is, depending on my back.  I've GOT to keep it healthy. 

My ride will be here pretty soon, I have to go to the bank and make my deposit.  Then Ron asked me to find him a wheelchair ramp (the…

Not nothing

Really tired so this one will be short. 

Went to the warehouse this morning and bought my supplies.  Had to put them in the truck by myself due to no/lazy cart attendant refusing to answer pages.  I pulled a muscle in my back, not happy about that.  That is the LAST thing I need with Ron coming home. 

Went to work, got the carts and unloaded.  Then I stocked but they didn't need much. 

The bottled vendor is broken and will require repairs, and at least one part.  I had Ron deal with the repairman over the phone.  He comes Thursday. 

Everything else was fine and needed minimal stocking since I was there yesterday. 

Ron also called his boss and dealt with that. 

I left, came home, took a nap. 

Went to rehab to see Ron.  They were having a meeting but Ron had said he didn't want to attend.  Great.  I came for nothing? 

Not nothing, I got to see Ron.  He is still being very sweet and positive.  I haven't seen this Ron in ages.  He's very lovable. 

I fed him dinner…

Hot water hookup

Well, I took the cats out of jail (bedroom with catio access) and came straight here to report to you. 

You see, the repairman just left. 

As it turns out, it was a pretty simple fix.  One, it had to be "reset".  He showed me how to do that. 

Second, the installers *didn't hook up the hot water*.  So, when I went to run the "hot water" cleaning cycle.... it freaked. 

Poor washer.  I feel bad for all the things I said about it, now. 

The repairman looked at my "washer cleaner" products and said they are good, and I can also use a half cup of vinegar if I want, instead.  I may alternate. 

He was a very nice Indian man.  He had a good sense of humor, too. 

Of course I turned down my music, I don't - I take that back, I do know one person who would like my music, but most don't. 

Anyway, it's fixed.

Thank God.

An easy, and lasting, fix

Just a short one for now. 

I got 8 hours sleep, not enough.  I will need to get more sleep tonight, or a nap, or something. 

I got up and went to work.  I was shocked to see the snack machines were about sold-out.  Happily, sodas looked better. 

I got to work and stocked it all, got the delivery, stocked it, and serviced all the machines. 

Ron called around 10.  He had done both physical and occupational therapy.  "They had me walk between the bars" he said "I went forward, and then I went backward on my own". 

I was shocked and delighted.  These guys are really good for him.  I wish we could keep them.  I praised him (sounds like he's a dog) and let him know I was proud of him. 

After I hung up, I went and told the other vendors.  I wanted them to realize Ron wouldn't be out of the picture for long. 

Then I came home.  I am waiting on the washing machine repairman.  For my clothes washer.  I wouldn't care if it were the dishwasher.  But I need m…

Someone else's job

It's an odd thing when I find it comforting when I hear the other patients screeching in pain at the rehab center.  Ron's not the only one. 

I slept great but woke up with an earache around 7.  I "had" to get up at 8.  I took a generic mucinex and went back to bed.  I woke up feeling better and my ear didn't hurt for the rest of the day.  It clogged up again when I got home (may be allergy related and I am allergic to my 3 cats).  I didn't have a lot of medicine left, though, so I arranged to do a Walmart run with Chuck. 

I did my God Time, shower (not in that order), etc.  Chuck arrived and we ran by a Walgreens to get some treats for the staff at the facility.  Ron can be difficult at times and I want them to feel appreciated. 

Everything I read about the medical profession says they are always starving, too. 

I got in there and sat with Ron for a while.  I like being nearby even if he isn't feeling well.  About 2, he asked for some pain meds.  Howe…

Room 214

I got up at midnight with a horrible headache.  I took some Excedrin - had to - and went back to bed.  I got up around 8. 

I am wearing jeans now, so when I showered I didn't bother to shave my legs.  I did my God Time and took care of the cats. 

Then Chuck picked me up and we went to the BBQ place.  He liked my directions (he has a new phone and can't figure out the GPS), and we found it pretty easily.  I found Ron's room and went inside. 

He was happy to see us (Chuck came in for a while) and ate a good amount of the BBQ.  It did my heart good to see him so happy. 

I just sat with him.  My love language is quality time and I am totally happy to sit with him in the hospital, especially if he isn't in any pain and I don't have to make him do something he doesn't want to. 

I got one of the rings I ordered, I found it on the porch.  It is very pretty, abalone inlaid in titanium.  It cost me about $20.  I like it a lot, it's pretty and different.  It make…

"People don't give you enough credit"

I had to get up at 3 AM, delivery coming at work, sodas are our living, gotta get them. 

My phone rang sometime in the middle of the night.  It was Ron. 

"Where am I?" 
I told him he was in the hospital. 
"And I woke you up!  I am so sorry!" 

It didn't matter, I went back to sleep pretty fast. 

I woke up at 3, got ready, put the cats in the bedroom.  I forgot to give them food and water so they went without for about 16 hours.  They forgave me and I put food and water in the bedroom so this won't happen again. 

I thought Ron might be coming home.  The hospital wanted to be rid of him. 

I went to work.  The other vendor's wife, and one of his employees, had horrible moist coughs.  I was horrified.  I took all my vitamins and plan to get a good night's sleep. 

I stocked 18 cases of soda, got the delivery (short 2 orange sodas), stocked snacks, did the bottled vendor (4 cases), and serviced the coffee machine.  The other vendor and his wife sa…

"That must be some pretty important bacon"

For the record, Ron had a "laminectomy" from L2 to L5 vertebrae.  It basically involves cutting away bone that is pressing on nerves. 

I slept pretty well, considering.  I woke up in the middle of the night once but talked myself back to sleep. 

I got up, did my God Time, took my shower, fed the cats, and out the door.  Ron called me to tell me he was in a lot of pain.  I guess it had to start sometime. 

My driver came to pick me up.  We ran by a McDonald's on the way and I got some sausage and egg muffins.  I didn't think Ron would want any but I figured it couldn't hurt. 

I stopped at the cafeteria on the way in, they have diet caffeine free sodas, almost impossible to find anywhere.  I woke up with a headache and had taken Excedrin, which meant I already had 350 mg of caffeine when you factor in the two diet Mountain Dews. 

I was very hungry, Chuck has a policy of no eating in the truck, it's his vehicle, I respect that.  I didn't count on getting…