Showing posts from September, 2015

Happier times

Today's one of those uninspired days. 

I had a hard time falling asleep last night. So glad I didn't have to shave my legs this morning.  I showered, talked to Ron, did my God Time later. 

We went to work.  We rode with a Pakistani cab driver and talked about ethnic food.  I was a little queasy from my Wellbutrin but I didn't whine about it.  He suggested a place near my house if I want ingredients. 

We got to work, the machines were about half empty.  Ron kept "bothering" me.  I finally said "You know the machines are not being stocked while I do this?".  He let me alone for a while after that. 

I just need an hour or so to do snacks.  If I have that I can get them done and help Ron with whatever.  Which I did. 

I even had time to do pastry.  I was very happy walking away from my vending machines. 

We talked to the other guys and they will put my water on one of the shelves.  But they know we're coming Friday. 

Things are a little weird with…

"As Directed"

I slept pretty well last night and woke up in a timely manner.  I was impressed.  I had a small headache but nothing major. 

The cats haven't been sleeping with me.  Torbie is sulking over the new cat door, the other ones are having lots of fun with the new arrangement. 

I did my God Time first thing.  That always makes me feel like I ran a couple of miles: HA! That's over!  Maybe not the best attitude. 

I needed to do up my pills. 

I had a bottle of half milligram Haldols (generic).  They are small orange tablets.  I had also picked up a refill for 1 milligram Haldols.  They are small orange tablets, identical to the smaller dose. 

The other night, I had a hard time with the invisible bugs and all.  I took two of what I presumed to be half milligrams, and continued to take two of the "half" tablets, every night, for a few more nights. 

Imagine my surprise when I realized I had quadrupled my dose!  Now, before you panic, a normal adult dose is four milligrams. …

Pay the man

One day, I'll have a boring day, and I won't know what to do with it. 

I'll start with the driver.  She came, early.  Started honking at 3:45 AM, 15 minutes BEFORE the pickup time.  Honking like an angry ex. 

We went out and asked her to stop.  While I was talking to her she began to emit bloodcurdling screams and screaming at me to get out of the doorway (she was driving "the short bus").  I turned around. 

Happy little Biscuit, curious about the new friend, was walking down the driveway towards the vehicle.  She scared the crap out of him and he ran away. 

She would say he scared the crap out of her.  Just walking around? 

It's sad.  Biscuit is actually afraid of most strangers. 

Now, if he were Bubba (the black cat), I could understand, but a harmless little mostly white cat?  Huh.  This must be how people feel about their pit bulls. 

My poor neighbors.  I'm sure she woke them all up.  My only consolation: one of them leaves for work at 3:30 AM.…

It's not my colon

Classic fit (he doesn't like baggy).  Flat front (I don't like him in pleats).  36x29.  2 Navy, 2 Black.

We bought him a couple pairs of pants today.  It's been funny, with Ron, shopping for clothes.  He seems to hover around a 36. 

He worked in an office before he met me, so he had a lot of dress slacks and button down oxford style tops.  He went to vocational training and needed the wardrobe, then an office job where it continued. 

I liked him best in jeans and a cowboy hat.  Sexy!  It's funny, I love Ron in a short-trimmed beard.  I don't like beards on other men, as a rule.  Obviously I find him appealing or I wouldn't have married him. 

"I'd much rather have an interesting face." I told him "Than a handsome one".  He just shook his head, grinning. 

Anyway, Ron needed pants.  He generally runs between 32 (when we met) to 42 (all time high directly before the accident - a hell of a way to lose weight).  Today I found an assortment…

Delicious smoked turkey

Today was so horrifically long. 

Yesterday I didn't get my nap due to the garage door.  We'd had a cat door in the garage door, which we replaced. 

The new door did not have a cat door.  The cats were Not Happy.  I'm sure the homeowners association will be thrilled.  They'd been unhappy about it. 

I didn't sleep well, worrying about the cats. 

We got up, went to the warehouse. Truck day.  We got a lot of inventory, they had the black tea in the bottles which our people love. 

I bought 9 cases, just of that. 

Ron called in a complaint to headquarters.  Apparently it took a while to filter back.  I had managers following me around, butt-kissing, for weeks.  I wanted to tell them go bother Ron, but people are scared of his raw and uncensored, head injured glory. 

I prefer a blunt man.  If you have something to say, say it plainly.  Ron does that. 

So, we got all that to work, unloaded, into the building, into the machines.  I had the usual helping Ron vs getti…

I burned up my mania on your bloody stools

"What's wrong?" Ron asked. 


He was nice about it, but disappointed.  Well, sorry, I burned up my mania on your bloody stools!  [laugh] 

Ah, well - half the time, I'm depressed.  It's just my special time for depression.  Hopefully I pop out of it in a few weeks. 

For the short term, Ron will save a lot of money.  So will I.  I won't want to shop or go out.  I'll grimly eat the same thing day after day as I choke down my medication.   I won't even care. 

This morning was pretty funny.  I woke up and Biscuit came galloping into my room and on the bed.  "Meow!  Meow?"  He loves his canned food.  "Meow?"  He walked all over me, purring and kneading.  I did object when he started kneading my butt with his claws extended. 

It did work to get me out of bed.  I jumped up pretty quick. 

We went to breakfast.  I got pancakes, Ron got a 3 meat omlette with biscuits and home fries.  I kept poaching the fries as o…

It's been a hell of a month

I overslept this morning.  Ron's alarm woke me up, and he sets it half an hour early. 

I had enough time to dress, brush my hair, and grab a harried snack with my medication. 

I have been horribly queasy lately.  I have a couple of theories on this.

1.  Prior to my diagnosis (crazy) I used to develop a lot of "stomach trouble" in times of great emotional distress.  The gut, is "like" "totally" linked to the brain.  It's been a hell of a month. 

2.  I started taking Ron's iron tablets.  I figured they would help.  Not so much, I think. 

At any rate, I stopped taking the iron tablets.  I have a lot of puddings and soft bland foods.  My stomach likes a small feeding every now and then.  It likes a Big Meal with the afternoon medication (5 mood stabilizers and an antipsychotic).   It likes pepto and very cold diet sodas, with the occasional decaf diet soda. 

I like to think I've figured things out.  Anyway, it's been nagging and perva…

I want to be a good influence

Well, I'll tell you. 

My old computer didn't work with the new monitor.  So Ron bought me a new computer. 

I am loving it.  I just need to move my music. 

Since I have already taken my "stupid" (Wellbutrin), I'll wait for another day off, get up, take care of the computer, and then take the antidepressant. 

I had a dream last night I was very depressed, and eating a lot of chocolate.  In reality, my mood is more mixed.  I can tell because I lick my lips a lot when I'm manic, and they're chapped from it. 

It's very nice.  The display is astounding, huge, surreal.  "I could really watch some movies" I told Ron "On this thing".  I might look into getting Netflix. 

And it has autocorrect so I don't look as medicated as I am. 

Last night I gave the pizza guy a bag of New Testaments and candy.  He was pretty happy to see it; even more when he sees I put a few Spanish in there. 

I don't say it to inflate myself; if anythin…

You have to put this in your blog

Ron and I concluded this, about the same time.  "This has to go in the blog"

I get very upset when the neighbors have a party: the kids come over ringing the doorbell late at night, demanding yard access or their soccer ball returned immediately.  I told them, more than once, not to come over, because my husband is "very sick" and they were "waking him up".  Yet they continued.

It got to the point this year I asked, flatly, what they do with the other neighbors.  "We wait for them to throw it back over the fence." 

"That's our deal now" and they did behave during the next party. 

But I'm sure, they'll "forget" and come banging on my door when Ron's asleep.  He tends to fall asleep around 6-8 PM.  He's an old man; he's sick. I don't see why this is so difficult to understand.  Especially when they don't do this to the other neighbors. 

Anyway, I told Ron, I find it so upsetting because they

I hope he likes cats!

Interesting birthday. 

I started out waking early, shower, God Time, talked to Ron. 

I wasn't too happy when I realized my latino neighbor had picked up a bunch of "illegals" and left them in his yard all day working on the back fence.  They took most of the day redoing about 60 feet of fencing. 

I couldn't really get my nap later because they were walking around, banging on things, jabbering, and running the compressor. 

Well, they're not having a party.  I guess that comes this weekend. 

Hey, Ron doesn't have cancer, doesn't need surgery.  I don't have to run the business and try to take care of him, too.  I don't have to deal with friends trying to shove their unsuitable adult children at me, as a "viable help" for the business. 

And, it's my birthday.

We went to Fry's. I got my monitor.  Might I say it is exactly what I hoped for.  It does wobble a little when I type but that will be fixed tomorrow. 

I also got a coup…

She'll fire herself

I had a hard time falling asleep last night, I still worry about Ron, his treatment plan, his formal diagnosis.  I was able to look up his blood test results from a few weeks ago: anemic, but not horribly so. 

I also found out he had pretty low blood pressure (83/55) during his procedure.  Twice. 


"I'm all up in your business" I told him.  He didn't care.  He just wanted my suggestions for anemia: meat.  Lots of red meat.  Iron pills, and Vitamin C (his anemia is due to blood loss). 

I did notice, taking iron supplements, I had a much lighter, nearly normal flow (it was still pretty heavy) cycle.  So I can clearly use the tablets, too.  I bought some today. 

Anyway, I finally got to sleep, but I didn't get enough sleep.  I woke up with a mild headache. 

Walmart recently switched suppliers on the Wellbutrin.  I have taken Brand A for nearly 6 years now.  They have large, round, beige, tablets.  It's a generic.  It worked well enough but often pro…

Brood of vipers

Longtime readers will notice certain angry themes in my work. 

The neighbors. 

The guy who ran over Ron. 

The officer who robbed Ron, falsified the accident report, and verbally attacked me when I questioned it "He couldn't have walked into the street backwards?!"

Ron's family. 

I won't share past "insults" until I've gotten the present out of the way, then we'll come back to the present.

Ron and I have an unusual last name, although Ancestry says it is a "common" surname in one state.  I suppose one of his cousins (he has over a dozen) was bored one day and plugged Ron into Google.

My Facebook came up.  "Oh" the cousin thought "I want to friend Ron's wife!"  The accident was a huge "thing" in the family.  More later.

She sent the request, I accepted.  She's a nice older lady, a grandmother, Deaf (runs in the family, Ron has moderate nerve deafness in addition to the blind).  We've each seen t…

He has a condition

Many years ago, Ron and I went out.  I had a sudden, urgent, need to use the toilet.  We had to disembark the bus and hunt around a tiny bedroom community, late at night, to find a place I could use (a bowling alley).  Ron was furious.  He wasn't very nice about it and made unkind comments about me "Needing to learn to control my bowels". 

Now, of course that has come to bite him, hard.  He doesn't remember parts of our lives before the accident, including this incident.  If he did he would say "I was an asshole, and I'm sorry". 

Ron, I've been an asshole, and I'm sorry. 

His problems began with frequency, and urgency.  It always seemed he needed to use the toilet, right now, and I always battled a cruel urge to remind him to control his bowels.  When he went, he took forever. 

I thought nothing of it. 

I had a variation of a conversion disorder; everyone told me I was "fine" mentally, so my symptoms would manifest as horrible, crampin…

Back to work

Saturday is typically "Truck Day".  We go to Sam's, get a truckload (literally) of inventory, and take it to work.  I load and unload.  Ron helps push the items out of the truck bed. 

We did that.  Ron was fine.  I made a joke about his colon falling out when he tried to pick up a case of drinks. 

I went in with the carts.  Ron sat in the hall and played music at the postal workers for about an hour and a half.  I didn't mind. 

He just had surgery.  He's been sick.  He's entitled to loaf around a little.  He never does that. 

I did snacks and about 1/3 of canned sodas, before I asked him a question.  He came back and helped. 

I assisted him with the sodas, bottled drinks, etc.  I put away the snacks.  We got it all done just about on time, even with Ron "playing" for a while. 

I really didn't mind.  I worry he pushes himself too hard anyway.  Just get me to work and you can do whatever you want (although I did see the #6 bus so I could have got…

He's not going to die.

Ron grimly went through the first round of prep, and we went to sleep (they only did his colon today, stomach has been fine).  We woke up at 2:30, and did the second round.  Well, I prepared it for him and went back to sleep. 

Thank you, Ron, for letting me get another hour of sleep. 

I woke up around 4:30, mildly manic due to sleep deprivation, worry, and caffeine abuse (once I got started).  I took my shower, did my God time, helped Ron bathe (the neuropathy makes scrubbing painful, he yelled some as I gently swiped the washcloth over his arm).  I helped him dress, encouraging him to wear the elastic waist shorts and casual sandals. 

We weren't going to work, after all. 

My aunt arrived on time and liked her little (very small) gift. 

I brought 9 Bible Promise Books.  I had hoped to leave them in the surgical ICU waiting room.  

We went to the hospital, got a little lost, found it 15 minutes before our arrival time.  I scowled at a malfunctioning vending machine.  Sloppy, and u…

Prep Day

I didn't sleep well last night. 

1.  I think I had too much caffeine when we went out to dinner. 
2.  Worry. 

It took me forever to fall asleep (pretty standard with caffeine abuse issues).  Once I did Ron woke me up. 

Yes, he is still alive, and he won't limp for long.  :p 


My body is programmed to wake up at 8 AM, latest.  Sure enough, I did. 

I felt rather cheated.  Today I could have actually slept late, and I didn't?   Don't I know the next week will be chaotic? 

I got up and ate my porridge.  A couple months ago, I bought some multi grain flakes.  They are very good but require a little cooking.  I put them in the rice pot, with water, on the timer.  I added a little salt and a tablespoon of brown sugar. 

It was perfect. 

I have enough left for a later snack, or breakfast tomorrow, although I should really work a protein shake into today. 

I was worried about the hospital.  They were supposed to call, do an online intake, and set his appointment.  They …


Yesterday.  I wanted to go to Walmart.  That was it.

Paratransit came an hour late, left us there two hours instead of one, and on top of that, was an hour late taking us home.

Exhausted.  And I didn't even get that much (mainly soda, and some more of those inter-gum cleaners).  I did at least put in a prescription refill for all my stuff.

I'm still pretty groggy/wobbly, but I haven't run into anything the last couple days.  Good thing, that contusion on my head is still pretty tender (thank God UNDER my hair).

I looked in my Merck Manual and didn't see any post concussive symptoms, so I didn't seek help.  It hurt, but not as bad as a migraine.  The headache ran off about 36 hours post injury and the contusion's only tender when I touch it (so don't!). 

Speaking of, no headaches since I started my period.  I have a menstrual cup in my hospital bag so I got another.  So far about 3 oz (or 90 ml).  Cramps, for me, are really only bad on the first heavy day, …

I think he has a uterus

I didn't sleep well, Truck Day.  I was really glad I had slept in yesterday and taken a longer nap.  I couldn't shake the headache from my injury the other day.  It finally crawled off around lunchtime. 

We went to work with a Liberian cab driver.  He's really fun, and a good driver.

We arrived and started stocking.  Sales were pretty slow.  I'm fine with that.  I know sales will explode very shortly, hopefully after we get Ron's health drama resolved.

The other vendor is freaking out about Ron.  "He's gonna die" I teased him "You're going to have to share the stockroom!"  I was interrogated, again, about Ron's symptoms, and shared what I could.

Some things I can't even share with you; not until I get permission.  I can say we are glad we took certain precautions.  

I can say "Clots the size of a Dollar Coin" and "several times a day".  "Bright red blood and old clots"  "Like a period, I thin…

The provider

I want to use a word like "horrific" to describe yesterday, but I think "taxing" better applies.

I woke up at 4 AM after sleeping badly.  Took my shower (did God Time later).  We went to the warehouse. Since it is getting a little cooler I did not bring the ice chest for the candy bars.

We got there a little early but that's fine.  We got in on time and I began "the shop".  "The Shop" generally involves filling Ron's list (this time, a meager 15 cases of bottled drinks), and then filling mine (far more snack items, as we didn't have room last week).

About halfway thought, a manager came up to me.  Lots of butt kissing on his part.  "Please don't switch to another store" blah, blah.  Lots of excuses. "We're going to do better" I told them I hoped so, while smiling. 

See, Ron called in a complaint, more than one I think, to "headquarters" in Arkansas.  They seldom have adequate amounts of basic it…


It's always bad when I wake up at 1 AM with a throbbing headache.  I took something (over the counter) and went back to sleep, waking up a few hours later in even more pain. 

That's not good.  The headache progressed.  When I got the sweats (literally raining sweat), I told Ron I couldn't work.  He was pretty understanding. 

I took the one prescription I can take for a migraine (Phenergan) and crawled into bed.  I got up when the nightmares got really bad, even though I still felt awful. 

Later on, I felt well enough to order a pizza, which I did. 

This morning I got up later, Ron had set the schedule so I'd have time to sleep in.  I even got to watch some of my favorite reruns. 

We went to work.  The other vendors were having hysterics over Ron's condition.  They kept asking me about his symptoms.  I told them he was bleeding, the color of the blood, the size of the clots, the amount of blood passed daily.  I did not tell him about the other issues, say…