Showing posts from January, 2011

I'm blaming the coffee

I thought I was having a heart attack.  I had crushing chest pain, I was sweating, and I was very tired.  Oh, crap.  Well, I thought, Lord, if I'm going to die, remember what I said about not wanting to suffer?  Let's make it quick. 

No real regrets.  I wondered about my seedlings, and my tomato plant outside with freezing weather forecast.  Poor babies. 

Happily, I gave a tremendous belch and it got better.  Gas.  How embarrassing; how much worse if I'd CALLED 911 and ended up farting or belching... and I'm all better.  GLACK! 

Time to get some Maalox, I think.  UGH.  Too much drama! 

I slept horribly last night; so did Ron.  I was up at 1:40 and figured "Why try to get back to sleep, and then just wake up in 20 minutes?"  I got up, did my God Time, sucking on my Diet Mountain Dew like a baby with a pacifier. 

I need another 6 pack.  I did my usual stuff, bagged up some candy.  I made some coffee and drank a cup.  I never do that.  Our driver arrived at…

Little brown grub

This time, the depression seems to be running more to the fatigue/nausea department.  I still enjoy doing things, I just don't have much energy. 

Case in point, today.  Got up, went to Walmart.  Got some garden stuff: onion transplants and a nice "Patio" tomato.  I got some potting soil; because we can still get frosts for a few more weeks.  I can just bring the tomato indoors.  I have grown dozens of tomatoes in pots; it's easy if mulched and watered daily. 

While everyone else is eating wooden tasting supermarket "shippers", I'll be snacking on lovely homegrown organic tomatoes. 

I'd grow them even if they didn't fruit; I love the way they look and smell.  I found some seeds I've been wanting for a great price; I got a little soda and we left. 

Came home, and I went out in the garden.  By the time I finished I was filthy.  I always think I can stay clean; never do.  I'm like a grub.  A little brown grub, digging in the dirt. 

I pl…

Really tired today

Who wants a video blog? 

Restaurant tried to steal the debit card #. Pissed at them, more later.

In the house

Today was pretty funny, especially in light of certain events. 

I got up at 2, went to work.  I had to tell Ron his new business debit card came in the mail, but I lost it.  He was very nice about it.  I found it about half an hour ago, under my hand cart.  AGH. 

Ron's debit card goes out in Feb, why?  He started the business, and business checking, in July.  Well, years ago I lost a checkbook.  Also his account got hacked; which, I recall, is why he had to get a new debit card.  Huh.  I thought that was "my" fault. 

Then, while opening a vending machine, the chain broke.  Ron has forbidden me to open that vending machine; and I'm thrilled.  It DOESN'T LIKE ME.  Just like the bottled soda vendor, and Snack 1, hate Ron.  They'll let him stock them but I have to service them. 

I forgot I was getting paid, until Ron reminded me.  While at the bank, I walked off and left the receipts on the counter.  [laughing]  Sometimes, it's a miracle I remember to wip…

For Bird Nerd

Heidi, tell him I saw a sparrow, looked like a female house sparrow; but had a pink-tinted throat and chest.  They were very pretty.   According to one of my books we have 9 kinds of sparrows in Houston. 

Have to get up 2 AM tomorrow.

Wait 10 minutes

Tonight I was doing my God Time; and got a great verse. 

Exodous 14:14
14 The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (NIV)

Exactly what I needed to hear.  Happily, when medicated the worst of the moods run kind of like the old parable: If you don't like the weather, wait 10 minutes.  That, plus my Bible verse for the day, turned the night around. 

Ron realized I could use a little boost and got me involved in helping him do some downloads. So, I didn't really get the reading, but I had some good quality time with Ron. 

Chryssi, I have deleted your hostile, unkind, and very judgemental posts.  You do not have my problems.  You are not a neuropsychiatrist, psychiatrist, or brain injury rehab specialist:  therefore you are unqualified to make "evaluations" on my abilities.  Do you feel better for having looked down on me?  Judged me?  Good.  Now go away and leave me alone.  I'm sure your attitudes look good to you when you dress it up in the clothing…

Job #1

I'm getting absolutely munched with depression.  Horrid.  I took what I can take to help, but I think when I finish this post I'll go cry for a while. 

Ron wanted me to take a photo of him with the 2 liter bottle of vodka today and send it to his boss.  [twitch]   Did not do that.  Then he worried I might put it in here, and my aunt and uncle would see it.  [head in hands]

I'm glad I have some Al-anon books so I don't start screaming and never, ever, stop.  Or start binging on sugar, and/or turn into some horrible, shrill, negative, hater.  GLACK. 

Not a lot of energy left, let me tell you.  Anyway, I did read something encouraging on Facebook:

I think God gives a vision to all of us in some form or another. What is the dream God placed in you? What is your passion? What are the issues of your soul? Tap into that and watch God change the world around you!I need to focus on job #1 - PLEASING GOD. 

Anyone is welcome to come over and vacuum.

Backyard friends

Not only do I have squirrels, but I have a dove as well.  This was just a few minutes worth. 

Backyard Wildlife

2 Hours?

I found it interesting; today I actually documented I was queasy for over 2 hours.  I took an hour nap when I got home, and woke up even more tired and depressed.  Off to run another errand with Ron, then when I get home I need to read him the mail and pick up. 

I'm doing laundry right now, then I need to put away clean dishes and do the dirty ones.  Ron's calling... back later.

An almost Disney movie

If this works, a nice video of the backyard wildlife.  Large ringneck morning doves, sparrows, and squirrels eating birdseed.  Ron is embarrassed he mentioned the sex shop on Westheimer.

Not the best video quality; but you can see something.
Home 1pm
9:20 started to get goofy from medication. Ron 10 minutes late leaving. Waiting on ride 10:40ish. It's supposed to be our day off.
8:07 arrive at work. Nausea better @ 8:30.
7 AM pickup. Loaded wheelchair 7:05. I forgot the handcart Ron wanted, but I could not do them both anyway (cart and wheelchair).
Horribly queasy.
I thought I'd do a day in the life. 5am, up. God time until 5:40. Blog 20 min...shower, check on Ron, take out trash, eat, wait on ride 6:30 to....

At what?

OK.  Enough with the unkind comments already.  They have been deleted.  No one forces you to come here and read my blog and/or look at my photos.  Sorry you object to an un-vacuumed floor.  [scoff]  Maybe you haven't read ENOUGH of my blog.  I always give the anonymous comments the most credence, of course.  Cryssi, Bubba had gotten sick on the floor before I got home.  I can't pause life, tidy up, and then take a candid photo.  I thought you would enjoy a photo of Bubba and his new "friend".   

If you really want to "understand" - go to the FAS-CRC website and look up "executive functions".  It's very educational. 

Where is it written I am a perfect housekeeper?  I'm not.  I'm one woman with a shitload of problems, trying to keep it together.  I am sure it is very easy to sit there with your normal brain, the car you can drive in the driveway, and look down on my life.  If you don't like it, step out.  Seems easy to me.  [shrug]…

Drop Box

From Drop Box
If you look just past Bubby's head, you'll see the squirrel (between Bubs and the hose reel). Upon edit, I realize the squirrel bailed. Sorry. Well, Bubba sure is handsome.

Therapeutic dose

Ugh.  Miserably toxic from my lithium today.  I feel very tired and queasy.  GLACK. 

Got up, our ride to work was very late.  We were late, and then the pickup was early.  Lots of excitement. 

While fixing "The Beast" again, I pinched my thumb.  Ow.  That could have been REALLY nasty; happily I just have a blood blister.  I could have ripped off some skin.  I was just happy I wasn't bleeding all over the place. 

You can imagine the difficulty of a bleeding food vendor.  Very awkward and unsanitary, even though I am a certified blood donor. 

When we first started; we used to bang our hands on the sides of the soda machine columns.  A fair amount of bloodshed.  Big secret: DON'T HURRY when stocking them, and watch the sides of the columns.  The lockbar receptacle is a notorious wounder. 

Anyway, I think I'm going to keep a log and actually document how many times I get coin jams.  Then they can get a new one under warranty.  I NEVER have any problems with my o…

Depression again

Yesterday at work I was listening to my new music.  I got Lacrae's new album, "Rehab". 

Uh.  Yeah.  It definitely had a rehab theme.  I found myself getting a little discouraged as I worked with Ron. 

See, that depression; it sneaks in and bites me.  The music was great; but the depression turned it into a dreadful reminder of Ron's problem.  GLACK. 

Then I got all goofy from a tylenol/lithium interaction and had to go to bed early. 

Today didn't get off to a very good start.  I slept in with Cuddle Cat.  He has such silky fur, it's addictive.  I love petting him while I'm lying in bed. 

I got up, did my God Time, and got dressed.  We went to Starbucks.  I felt pretty enervated from the depression.  Like a couple of vampires had a go at me. 

We came home and I took a nap.  Then I got smart.  I knew I needed to do some things I enjoyed.  I'd gotten some coffee grounds from Starbucks.  I scattered them in the garden.  I had a good time  and even m…
From 3:20 to 11 and a half or so, you get great bonus feature of Bubba, on the table, eating and cleaning himself.

Cherry Pick

When I got paid, I'd budgeted $15 for internet money.  Maybe I'd buy some seeds, vitamins, or who knew. 

Last night, I decided to go hunting for some music.  I laugh at myself, sometimes.  I have a 1 gigabyte MP3 player.  I like it a lot. 

My phone has MP3 ability, and I put a 8 Gig chip into it; but I find the old player more convenient.  Anyway, I looked around.  I downloaded "Rock On" and "You'll Never Take Me Down" by KJ-52.  He's a self-described "Plain White Rapper".  He grew up in the suburbs.  I like him. 

I seldom, if ever, just buy anything by a certain artist.  I prefer to cherry-pick.  I'll take that, and that; and that one by him. 

Of course my Amazon "Recommendations" are rather schitzophrenic; I help Ron get his music, too.  [snort]  I looked around; in conjunction with YouTube.  Sometimes the sample track is promising, but when I listen to the whole thing I think "Ewww".  Or, a not very promising…

A healthier way to deal

Recently, Ron bitterly complained that *I* got Tuesdays off, and he was supposed to get Wednesdays.  I had him explain. 

What I understand; he wants a day where we go out and do what he wants.  [shrug]  OK. 

So, yesterday I asked him what he thought he might like to do today.  He wanted to check out the new restaurant; that was it. 

Of course he made a trip to the liquor store, so it wouldn't "fall off his list" - he cancelled it.  Yikey.  I teasingly knocked at his liver and made hollow thumping noises.  He laughed.  I was quite serious under my grin. 

I think I had the wierdest experience of my life today.  I was reading the brochures from Al-Alon.  Things like "So you Love an Alcoholic".  He walked in the room and chatted with me, and I couldn't help but think "If you could see, you would have a meltdown".  I picked up another brochure later, and sure enough here comes Ron!  It's like a magnet for him on some level. 

Ron and I have a c…

So I did it...

I went to an Al-Anon meeting. 

First, I got up and did my God Time.  Chuck came over and gave us a ride to the garden center.  I got some bagged soil amendments and loaded them into the truck.  While loading, I realized I had forgotten, and the cashier had not rung me up for the sand.  I went back and paid for the sand. 

She was really shocked.  How sad.  Like Ron said, that's two commandments: lying and stealing. 

Chuck, in the guise of "informing us about developments" tried to pump us for information and tell us how the Post Office would manage to combine 2 offices.  Of couse they would be doing ___ , and they HAD to ____.  We told him, our boss has assured us we will only be doing vending, and in the very unlikely event they do a cafeteria it will have a profitability clause: no profit; they close - and some other vendor. 

The old days of going into the deli and bossing us around are over, boys.  Besides, we have a Burger King, a chicken place, a donut shop, seve…
Did my first ALANON. No one bit me.

The crimes I allow

Oh, Monday. 

Ron decided to call an old friend in California.  At 11 PM.  When I had my alarm set to go off at 3:30 the next morning.  He was very loud and woke me up.  I wasn't happy. 

I was pretty tired, which is frustrating when I had to file sales tax and fix FOUR naughty vending machine errors.  Plus get the deliveries, etc. 

The fun part was having to get some bottled water Ron ordered, out of the harrasser's stockroom, while he was in it!  UGH. 

Happily, it appears sales are up.  So, we came home.  Bad Squirrel knocked my birdfeeder sideways, twice.  I fixed it both times.  I saw some cardinals, and Bubba got so excited by the bluejays he woke me up from my nap. 

Mew.  Mew.  They were RIGHT OUTSIDE THE DOOR!  I'm happy to see he's energetic, he has a case of kitty sniffles.  Mainly some sneezing. 

I was not feeling very loving, or even like a very good employee, but I asked God for help.  He did a good job. 

Uh... then we went to Burger King.  Got some bu…

Your president

While I believe I'm living in the end times, it's not often that I'm actually reminded. 

Today I heard a really alarming statement on TV: Because of the shooting in Arizona, we "Can't question the president's love for our country".  Excuse me? 

First of all, I doubt he's a citizen.  He wouldn't even wear an American flag pin because "some might find it offensive?"  Oh, I could go on.  If you're read my blog you know I've never liked or trusted him. 

I view him as some kind of puppet, being used to slide in alarming new policies, ruin what's left of the economy, and set a general apologetic tone towards the rest of the world. 

He's YOUR president, not mine.  I voted for the other guy.  I didn't like Palin, either, still don't - but they were better than him. 

Why does question the president's track record have to do with a shooting?  The guy shot people because he was mentally ill, not because someone doub…

The compost pile?

Ron also bought VODKA yesterday.  Yike.  He was quiet last night and I had a pretty quiet rainy day.  I slept in, battled a horrific headache, and read a couple of inspirational romance novels. 

I think one problem I have in my life; Ron considers it enough to provide for my physical needs.  That's enough, in his book.  I will feel happy and loved if he pays the bills. 

[groan]  I want to feel safe.  I want to live a life free of verbal abuse.  That will make me feel secure.  I could care less if we live in a hellhole, as long as he loves me.  I'm very good at making lemonade. 

Anyway, the CONSISTENT message I have gotten from EVERYONE in my life, including Dad, who is very supportive (having gone through this with my birth mother): GO TO AL-ANON. 

I got it.  I found a meeting, nearby.  During the day.  Although, if I meet a nice lady who wants to give me rides, I'll accept.  Worst case I can AT LEAST go once a week, during the day. 

"I know, 30 years ago, I coul…
I had a fun day out:
Bought myself a fleece blanket with sleeves (not the name brand).  Love it.
Discovered, to my joy, Dr Pepper makes a DIET CAFFEINE FREE in a 20 ounce bottle.  Happy day.  Perfect for bedside table. 
Went to a garden center and looked around.  It's bare root rose time.  I need to think if I'd like one (I have seriously considered it)
Talked to my aunt
Went to Starbucks
Read an inspirational romance novel and started another
Bought myself a very small, purple, space heater.  Perfect for those early morning wakeups in the cold - warming the bathroom. 
Bought myself a lovely purple Tshirt.  A gift?  I will never say no to a plain purple or blue tshirt. 

Evolving a nasty headache.  Going to bed early once I take my risperdal - I don't want to hallucinate tomorrow.

Lost Dog

I'm reaching a gradual conclusion that Ron is evolving into an unpleasant old man.  It's not the incessant grumbling.  It's not the fact that we had a long argument about getting me a new bedframe - which got into the ludicrious (me: "Would one of your precious normal women consent to sleeping on a bed that goes CRUNCH every night?   Would they find that acceptable?")... more on that later, maybe. 

No, it was the lost dog.  I knew someone's dog had gotten out, because the neighbor dogs signal a "dog" bark.  More of a high-pitched yelpy bark.  Kind of like when Dum-Dum next door sees a car or bicycle.  She yelps at a high pitched note. 

So, last night I heard a high-pitched voice (a woman I think, or an adolescent boy) calling a dog.  I thought, oh, good.  They'll find the dog, and lock it up.  No more barking. 

I don't know if they found it or not, last night.  I slept well, on the bed that goes crunch, and got up around 8.  My trick toda…

Sugarfree cookies for dinner

So, my bed went crunch again.  I am so sick of it, and so very tempted to turn my bedframe into a lovely bonfire. 

I got pretty bitter and resentful for a while.  Made some analogies: my marriage is like my bed, it looks fine from the outside, but put some weight on it and it goes crunch! 

Did the whole bitter, brooding, resentful thing.  Got kind of old.  Amusingly, I found a copy of "How to act right when your spouse acts wrong".  It's a good book.

It can't "fix" my issues, of course.  That's up to God. 

My job is being obedient to God's will, whatever He shows me, and not being a bitter, hating, hater.  [shudder]  I don't want to be one of those awful, hating people.  I am really working very hard on the negativity. 

For instance, I had a good time cleaning up the bedroom, around the bed, and throwing out stuff like yarn (yes, I threw it out) that had morphed into clutter.  I did my God Time, and had a good cuddle with Mr Cuddle Cat. 


The name of my street

What a sad, screwed up world.  I would love to give you all the details of my life, the name of our vending company, for instance.  I thought Ron did a good job with it. 

I would love to tell you which Foodtown, and which buses I ride, and call Favorite Dollar by it's real name.  I'd love to say where I live in Houston, etc.  I'd like to talk about which malls I visit and the stores I shop. 

But it is a screwed up world, with very sick people.  I am more vulnerable because I do ride the bus.  Car people can run into a place, and run out again.  I can't.  Odds are I will have to walk part of the way there, and wait outside for 20-30 minutes, if not longer, on a bus.  Couple that with the known fact that I never go out at night... and safety. 

Compounding all that; the images of the office shooting when I was 13.  Wondering if my father was at work, and if he was alive or dead.  The terror of wondering if he'd come home, and our relief when he did. 

The shooter w…

Blind Drunk

We had today off. 

I didn't even want to ask Ron to make the trip to Walmart, because I knew I'd have to pay.  After his last blackout, I refused to buy him any alcohol. 

I don't like confrontation and Ron is a master manipulator.  It brings me no pleasure to say that.  In the past, he has "talked me out of it" eventually. 

He tried to "talk me out of it".  I told him, calmly and sadly, no.  But he was fine, he just had to change the way he ___ and he is a complete victim in the process, the Neurontin....

I told him the answer was still no.  He accused me of being unreasonable and harsh.  He had been fine drinking this week, hadn't he, because he had changed the way he.... he was fine now. 

I told him, calmly and sadly, no.  Actually, on the way to Walmart, we picked up a blind man at a liquor store, he had a case of beer, and took him home.  He does this often. 

I actually asked the driver, is it the blind guy with the beer?   And she said ye…

Obviously, time for a checkup

Last night was not fun.  Tremendously heavy bleeding, large clots, and a great deal of alarm.  I have never, in my 23+ years of cycles, had a cycle like this.  I estimate I lost about 2 cups of blood. 

Obviously, time for a checkup.  Things appear to be normal now (although I need more tampons!  I went through several yesterday), so I don't think I need urgent care of anything. 

I'm a little dizzy and tired, but that's pretty normal for me.  I also figure stress has to play a factor in all of this, too.  The fact that I've been at (pardon) Red Alert for the last day is a factor. 

I just never knew my body was capable of producing all that!  It was like "The Blob" meets "Red Tide"!  [snorting with laughter]  It all goes to the completely wierd life I live.  

I was just thinking, what a nice normal cycle it's been.  Every 30 days, same amount of fluid, very predictable.  Mom reminded me recently, I always had a terrible time with my cycle.  Ea…

Lizards don't scream

I didn't get sick; although I rode with a pretty sick driver this morning.  It wasn't a bad day, either. 

But somewhere between the mighty rodent hunt (apparently, it escaped and is still live in my home) at 1 AM, the bed collapse at 1:30 AM, the horrendous cramps, the blood clot half the size of my fist (that was a first and hopefully last), the depression, Ron's depression, the cold weather, and still terrible sales, I ran out of gas.  I apologize for the negativity in advance. 

I woke up at 1, rodent hunt.  Tried to sleep, got up at 1:30 to use the bathroom.  Crunch.  The bed slats slipped off the frame and sank.  Ron was actually in a good mood, and fixed the bed, offering to buy me another one (maybe Friday, I hope).  I will need to organize the bedroom so 2 assemblers can come out and make my bed, ha ha.  No way am I assembling it myself, like we did last time.  Crunch. 

Off and on, I heard loud squeaks as Bubba persued his prey.  He has been rather intent for the…
I had considered going to a feed store today.  Supposedly, Houston feed stores have lovely, local veggie seeds. 

Option #1, involved about 2 hours each way, and walking through a REALLY bad neighborhood.  Option #2 - another really bad neighborhood, and 2 hours + on the bus.  Option #3, walk half a mile north of the bus stop, though a better neighborhood. 

Well, somewhere between not finding the place, after 3/4 of a mile, the broken bottles all over the culvert, where I had to walk, because they had no SIDEWALK; I decided it wasn't worth it.  I was pretty upset. 

I just wanted to go from point A to B.  Sorry, you're broken, you can't do that. 

First, I got up.  The birdbath was clear of ice... and my plants nicely covered.  I ate, did my God Time, and layered up.  Ron warned me it would feel like 20's for most of the day with the windchill.  I did long underwear under sweats, and the fleece jacket on top.  Over all that went my big blue coat.  I was fine. 

I went…

The shrieking and all

I forgot to mention: remember about a year ago?  I lost some money?  I found it today. 

I had looked everywhere, including my copy of "Botanica's Organic Gardening".  It is a fascinating book.  COULD.  NOT.  FIND.  THE.  MONEY. 

I had taken a cab the last time I had the money, and I really wondered if I had dropped the money in the cab.  The driver had his whole family riding, which I found kind of odd.  [shrug]  It was a memorable trip.  The mother and 3 kids sat behind me, in the last row.  STARING at me. 

Yesterday, I bought some seed potatoes.  I read my garden books and got the data I needed to get them started.  I remembered "Botanica" today, and took it out of the closet. 

I opened it up, and what should I find at "Berries"?  A paper bank envelope.  I opened it.  YUP. 

The shrieking and all got Ron worried, until I told him.  I prayed about it.  Obviously, God wants me to have the money now. 

I put half in my savings hidey-hole, and the o…

Day Out Tomorrow

Well, Ron has a horrible virus.  Sore throat and all. 

This morning, when we had a quiet moment, I told him a few things:
1.  I am not ever buying him alcohol again, no matter how "good" he is.  He will have to go to the liquor store. 
2.  He tried to tell me it was 80 proof that hurt him; I reminded him he has had blackouts on wine and/or beer as well. 
3.  I am deeply worried about him. 
4.  I "rescued" us yesterday, but from now on it is his responsibility to make our trips.  I will not "save" him again.  If he doesn't make the trip, we won't ride. 
5.  I asked him to please read the file I copied off the internet (scroll down for link), and ask himself a few questions. 

We went to work.  I introduced my new, 30 cent cookies, to great acclaim.  They are GOOD, and I get an awesome deal.  I pass the savings onto the customer.  They like it. 

I did sodas, food, and not much snacks because I didn't have the inventory.  I mainly just sto…

The way I look, I should be asking you for money

So, I left Ron at home, snoring away.  I don't know how he made it back to bed.  [shrug] 

I looked all over for my bus pass, sobbing in frustration.  Quietly, though, I didn't want to wake him up and get the whole scene. 

I had a few singles, so I just took them and some quarters (regular person fare is $1.25, no transfers, if cash).  I broke a $5 and got some more change.  While waiting at the last bus stop, to come home, what should I find but the pass?  Frustrating. 

I thought for a while about what I'd like to do.  It was cold, feels like low-30's all day.  Some rain in the morning.  I dressed in long underwear leggings, under sweat pants.  I wore a long sleeved cotton tshirt under my fleece jacket, and my big blue coat with scarf, gloves, and hat on top of that. 

I finally decided I would like to go to the home improvement store's garden center.  It would involve a few buses. 

Amazingly, I caught my connector bus quickly.  I got off at the transfer point …
Dude. Scary twitching guy at one bus stop. Not often scared waiting on bus. Went to two garden centers; got potato starts, caladium bulbs, and birdseed. Having fun.
Couldn't find my bus pass. Drove me to tears. Took cash instead. Riding the bus & considering other jobs.

I'll come back TODAY.

I really have much better things to do; than an endless recitation of "What-he-did-during-the-latest-blackout".  He didn't appear to have hurt himself, or me. 

I'm going out; even in this miserable weather, it's better than dreading the conflict the moment he wakes up.  I copied this: and put it on a flashdrive which I hung on his door. 

I really liked this one: Do you have "blackouts"?

A "blackout" is when we have been drinking hours or days which we cannot remember. When we came to A.A., we found out that this is a pretty sure sign of alcoholic drinking


Has your drinking caused trouble at home?

Before we came into A.A., most of us said that it was the people or problems at home that made us drink. We could not see that our drinking just made everything worse. It never solved problems anywhere or anytime.

I also wrote a few brief sentences letting him know HE moved the couch and lined up all my…