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Showing posts from May, 2015

If I was telling the truth

More barking last night.  I believe the horrific storms last week unleashed a tide of freaked-out stray dogs, either that, or the dog-next-door is in heat. 

Ron and I agreed they don't seem the type to spay their pet, especially if they just bought it off a friend.  If that's true, every time she has a heat she's going to attract a lot of stray dogs.  And a loooot of barking. 

I don't know which it was, but yet again, more hours of barking.  Ron kept bugging me every couple minutes talking about the dog and making suggestions.  I finally had to tell him to please leave me alone and let me sleep.  "You'll never sleep with all that noise" he said. 

Well, I did, partly because I went to bed early.  I woke up, walking through the house, feeling so grateful it hadn't flooded. 

I just walked around thanking God, then I took my shower.  I did my God Time later. 

Last night, when  Ron was in "punishment mode" - how dare I forget 2 cases of soda, ou…

Riot Act

I just read Ron the riot act, in the Sam's Club parking lot, for being verbally abusive. 

He literally told me he "Had to punish" me for forgetting the soda.  How the hell did I marry a man like that?  Who thinks he has to punish me?  He wasn't talking physically. 

He wasn't happy with our paratransit ride to the Sam's, and was so ugly to the driver.  I was embarrassed and furious on the driver's behalf.  "You know" I told Ron "You might want to watch your tone around the drivers.  If you get a reputation for being ugly you'll never lose it, and no one will want to pick you up." 

He did apologize to the driver, after we got to the destination.  But here's my attitude: why act like a shut, and then apologize?  How about you don't act like a shit to begin with? 

People are not your toilets, designed for your crap.  No, they are people with their own problems, probably worse than yours, but they're not dumping on you, are …

Whole bucket of crazy

Here's the link to my WONDERFUL bed frame.  It costs about $90 for a queen, is easy to assemble - hell, I did it after taking my medication, is fairly light (about 40 pounds), comes free UPS shipping to your door, and super, super, comfy.  http://www.amazon.com/Sleep-Master-Platform-Mattress-Foundation/dp/B006MIUM20/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1433025652&sr=8-2&keywords=sleep+master

I threw my very old, four inch thick foam mattress (circa 2006) on the base and have slept great every night.  I love it, and definitely recommend it.

I also love the storage.  I have 11 inch tall boxes, several of them, under the bed.  I can store clean towels, extra linens, books, etc, very easily.  I just got boxes at Walmart.

However, I think the storms have unleashed a tidal wave of stray, traumatized, dogs.  I believe one was sniffing around next door, probably hoping for a meal.  How do I know?

2+ hours of frenzied barking, well past my bedtime, last night.  I wasn't very happy.  I…

Litter poop and a bulimic cat

In my life, even a day off...

I woke up to find Torbie lying next to me in bed, by my head.  That is my absolute favorite thing from a cat, sleeping next to my head.  I don't care if they get in my lap or even want any petting, but I love it when they sleep with me. 

That made a good start, until I found a lot of small grey feathers in the hall.  Sure enough, a blood trail led to a headless bird corpse in Ron's doorway.  I dealt with it. 

Biscuit had vomited (not bird products, he gorged on cat food).  He's a little bulimic.  He overeats and then vomits, but he's a healthy weight so I don't worry.  I cleaned up the puke (happily it was a single, dryish, lump). 

Ron was asleep, and I was a little manic.  I left him alone to sleep.  God knows I don't want to be bothered when I'm sleeping. 

I did my God Time and decided to try my shampoo cap.  Now, I like to say nice things.  So, I'll say it is probably very effective on women with shorter hair.  It didn&#…

Let's hear it for the bayou

I'm not feeling inspired but I'll try to do you justice. 

I didn't sleep well.  I didn't shower. 

One reason: I bought some no rinse shampoo caps.  I am curious to see how they might work in a tough situation.  I'm going to "let" my hair get pretty awful and then try one.  If it doesn't work I can always jump in the shower. 

We have had various plumbing issues, etc.  It would be handy to have something on hand for a situation like that. 

As we left for work, I noticed the bayou has dropped to near-normal levels.  Good to know.  Even the news guys are saying "The bayous are fine".  Let's hear it for the bayou. 

We went to work, got the sandwiches, and I stocked them all.  I am pretty much out of snack inventory.  We did a little better than anticipated. 

I helped Ron do the inventory and stock, once I finished snacks. 

At one point, I had brought Ron a handcart with several cases of cold drinks.  He stocked the water, shut the door, and…

Eat the floor clean.

Today:
More rain, no damage to our area. 

Went to the bank, got paid. 

Went to the mall (Ron's idea).  He got a lot of takeout and should be set for nearly a week.  He likes the food court. 

I came home and got a mild nap.  Got up, did my God Time.  Computer. 

I kind of choked, doing it, but I bought 100 really nice whole Bibles with imitation leather covers, all different colors (mainly black, and purple), in a couple different translations.  Those will be huge with the recipients.  I had to remind myself, repeatedly, the sponsor wanted me to do this. 

I had some fun talking to Ron, watched a little TV.  I didn't assemble the treat ball correctly.  It is a ball, with a hole.  Kitty rolls it around and gets treats. 

I threw it in the hall and it blew apart (separated).  Treats EVERYWHERE.  Boy, the cats had a lot of fun with the cleanup.  Being lazy, I just let them eat the floor clean. 

That was pretty much my day, except for one thing.  I had laid out my clothes on the bed, …

Dang!

Well, I admit it. 

I was going to flake on my God Time today. 

However, I checked my email.  "Anonymous" made a very large donation to the Handouts.  VERY large.  Like, larger than my mortgage large. 

DANG! 

Well, if I'm going to represent I'd better do just that.  Of course I had to take a cruise past Lifeway's Bible Sale room - and they have some awesome Bibles on sale.  The transfer processes tomorrow; and I will be smoking that debit card like a hot link. 

I'm trying to wrap my poor medicated brain around $3.50 per Bible, plus shipping, into donation equals how many Bibles? 

PLENTY. 

I'm pretty sure you read here, and thank you! 

Dang!

Big Evil

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Storm damage
Unfortunately, Gravy melted. 

We had a big storm system.  We knew about this for days. 

Years ago, before Tropical Storm Allison, I told Ron, "It looks like a dull, boring, evil".  We have a unique method of communication.  You should hear us in person, speaking our patois. 

Anyway, as it turns out Allison was the harbinger of a 500 year flood.  It was epic.  We had to walk out of work, over 12 miles, along the overpasses.  Long, long, walk.  I learned a little about prepping for disaster in that day. 

So, "evil" is a multi use word; one definition: Bad storm. 

I told Ron "Big Evil is almost here" when we went to bed.  Sure enough, it started a while later. 

If you ask Ron about the storm, he'll complain about #2's car alarm, kept going off.  We also had pretty gusty winds.  Pretty safe bet, I've found, over 50 mph winds will blow open the cat door inside the house.  I had that. 

It was the usual, big, bad-ass thunderstorm.  H…

Good for me

Ron, I've begged him, "Please don't say 'the dog has been so quiet lately'."  Whenever you do that, she barks all night long. 

Sure enough, he went there, and she did. 

It wasn't a total loss, I mean, I had the headache anyway, which morphed into "the migraine".  So, if I had to be sleep deprived AND migraine this week, I got it all over with today.  I believe it's the weather front we have inbound. 

We had to go to the warehouse.  Then we went to work.  I bought some snack products. 

I am working on becoming a better listener.  I think I am, because one of the employees talked to me for 20 minutes, about his dog.  I'm not really a fan of dogs but I listened anyway. 

"What was I going to do, read my Kindle?"  It's kind of an iffy neighborhood, I wouldn't want to let my guard down and get robbed.  I'm very fond of my (base model) Kindle. 

We got to work, things had been somewhat busy.  I helped Ron first, then did my…

I must be over my virus

Depression's back. 

I must be over my virus.  :p  Too bad I can't lick The Illness as easily, but bipolar's for life. 

Anyway, a rough start to last night.  Some things I won't reveal. 

I did get my sleep, however a big storm system rolled in around 6:30 this morning.  We lost power for about 20 minutes, not a big deal. 

I think you're figured by now I try to plan for worst-case, and deal with it.  I did that.  I have a nifty flashlight I can strap to my head.  The dork factor is incredible, but it works great. 

I couldn't get back to sleep.  I was pretty depressed, so I did my God Time, watched some TV, internet.  I tried to take a nap.  That didn't work too well due to various neighbor "rackets".  I think the guy next door would be horrified if he knew how much I heard through my bedroom wall, but there's no way to tell him without looking like a whiner. 

The guy down the street was playing loud Mexican music.  Funny, the guys I know are vet…

"Just tell me and I'll stop"

So, Ron's friend once made advances to me when we were alone in the car. 

Ron thought it was "cool" that the man thought I was "hot", and at a later point, said "I wouldn't mind if Heather had sex with you, as long as I got to watch."  How's that for a good Christian witness?  How's that for making me look like a whore?  Never ever ever in a million years.  

I'm not in the least attracted to him.  It's not a physical thing either. 

I am not a cheater.  

Anyway, he has referred to Ron as "A major alcoholic".  A couple months ago, Ron called him, whining he was tired of using paratransit. 

Now, the devil wants Ron drinking.  He usually has "fantastic" turn-around trips where he barely has time to pay for the alcohol before his ride home.  That wasn't good enough.  He wanted a driver. 

So, he pays this guy to drive him to the liquor store.  He calls the liquor store and they "hold" his stuff.  I don…

Sad and Tired

"Why is the floor wet?" 

You peed on it. 

"Why were you mad?" 

You can trash any room in the house during your blackouts.  Any room.  The kitchen.  The front room (boy he got both), the laundry room, the computer room (I found him trying to urinate in my CPU this morning), your room, the bathroom.... any room in the house. 

But mine is off limits.   Stay out of my room. 

He didn't, but I managed to stop him in time. 

What I don't get is the falling down on the tampons, crushing them, throwing them all over like confetti... what's the deal?  Because they go "down there?"  [shaking head] 

Yes, I started my cycle.  I need to keep them in the bathroom so I can use them. 

Apparently that's a problem for him. 

It's ironic.  When I saw the guy across the street was having a party, I worried he might "make noise".  No, HE didn't, but Ron sure did, falling, cursing, banging around.  If we lived in an apartment he would be evicted …

I wish every girl...

I never figured it out until years later. 

I was 8.  One my my new female friends seemed very sexually precocious.  We discussed it constantly, but I was pretty clueless outside of the mechanics.  She was the one who told me "It hurt". 

I went home and asked my (adoptive) Mom, who confirmed the fact, and then asked where I'd heard it.  When I told her, she got a pensive look.  We had a few sleepovers, on my end, and hers. 

She was, overall, the kind of kid you don't want around your own child.  She talked me into breaking rules, and got me in trouble on more than one occasion.  

The most memorable incident, we were walking to my house.  "The Garden Lady"'s yard was in full bloom.  She had a huge showplace that must have been a full time job. 

"Jenny" talked me into entering her yard (strictly forbidden by my parents - entering any neighbor's yard without permission), and picking some flowers "For your Mom". 

Mom immediately reco…

Magic spit

Ron has been dying for a Carl's Junior breakfast.  I didn't have much appetite, and ate half a hamburger, glad I'd found my 12-hour "mucus relief" pills.  I can get a little congested without them at present. 

He got his loaded burrito and his own drink (pretty stupid to share with me sick).  He also ate what I believe was a large order of tater tots.  He groaned with joy as he finished, and collapsed into a happy carb coma when he got home. 

But

We had to go to work.  We had to at least do an inventory.  I was "pretty sure" we had "everything" but they don't want to hear it when you're out of their drink!

Did I want to go?  No.  I still feel exhausted and mildly feverish.  The last thing I wanted to do was work. 

Happily, I do not have a headache.  Still "just" the fatigue, dry cough, mild fever, and congestion (moderate).  I also have anorexia - no appetite, which is typical when I am "pretty sick". 

Focusing on t…

Still sick

Still sick.

Exhausted.
Dry cough.
Sneezing a lot.
No real appetite.  

Sore throat is better but not all the way.  I am taking tons of supplements in addition to my regular routine. 

Day off; but Ron's cat injured her tail and had to go to the vet.  She was apparently bitten by a stray dog.  The tail base area is inflamed and her tail sprained.  She still has nerve function in her tail, but it's injured.

Can't put her in a tail brace, but "we" got a shot of antibiotics to prevent an infection.  "This is a really bad area for an abscess" she told me with concern.  The vet was very happy we brought BG in when we did.

Ron bought me some pizza.  I don't have an appetite, sure didn't want to cook, but I have to eat so I can take my pills.

I was just teasing Ron about his "Golden Girl" due to the vet bill (about $100).  She seems to be OK.  I am sure she'll make a good recovery.  It's just hard to see her poor bruised tail.

I had a …

"The Alcoholic Special"

Ron was disappointed he had already finished his bottle of brandy.  "That went fast". 

"Well," I responded.  "It did taste good." 

"I don't care about that..." Ron whined.  He called the liquor store, requesting something "Bigger and cheaper". 

"Ron" I suggested calmly "Tell him you want 'The Alcoholic Special', a big, cheap..."  Ron related that and the manager erupted in laughter.  They have that, he assured Ron, and gave him some names. 

Oh, boy.

"You can't drink!"

On occasion, I use a protein gel (the Six Stars brand).  It is very tasty, albeit an odd texture.  Encouraged by that, I had purchased some vials of protein liquid (another brand) to drink, also fruit flavored, in large vials. 

I figured one was good, the other'd be too, and I'd left the gels at work.  Sick, I knew I needed my protein but I had zero appetite so I didn't want to eat. 

But I needed my protein.  The solution seemed obvious. 

I cracked a vial (about 4 ounces) and took a swig.  Hmmm.  Notes of cat urine, pine based cleanser, and chemical meltdown, all in a slimy stew of fruitish uck!  I gagged it down.  The flavor did not dissipate.  I drank some tea.  The flavor did not dissipate. 

My throat already hurt, I did not want to vomit, but the horrific "flavor" lingered, persisting like a rejected stalker.  I tried to spit, and gazed around the kitchen in desperation. 

I saw Ron's flask of brandy as he set it back on the counter, snatched it, and took …

Please don't let me...

I had a hard time falling asleep. 

Ron woke me up, my bladder, and I kept hearing someone driving around playing loud music.  The latter was explained: our basketball team won a championship game. 

I slept horribly, but I had Torbie. 

I woke up feeling as though I'd swallowed razor blades - my throat killing me.  I had a nasty, dull, headache and dry cough.  I didn't whine.  I felt even more fatigued than usual.  I don't know if I had a fever or hot flashes, but it wasn't fun.  I also, at different points, had chills. 

Still had to work.  Did.  Didn't whine.  I'm very proud of that. 

I have spent all day begging God: please don't let me get anyone sick.  Please. 

We had a lot of rain, while at work, but I got both deliveries, put them away, stocked, and helped Ron.  I was pretty happy to leave.

Our ride was waiting for us.

Thank God we had straight trips both way.  Whatever this is I don't want to spread it.

I went home, straight to bed.

#6 woke me…

Niacin flush

Tired.  Depressed.  I woke up with a tickle in my throat, which I pray is not the onset of some infection. 

If so, I probably picked it up at Walmart.  Last week, I had Ron in the kiddie cart at the Walmart, about the same time the "Senior Pines" upscale nursing home showed up on one of their runs.  It is very sad to see them waiting on the bus, shopping alone, etc. 

One lady and I met.  She was on an electric cart, in the middle of the aisle as I came around the corner with Ron in the kiddie cart.  "Oh!  That looks like fun!" she exclaimed. 

Her mood became somber "I wish I had someone to take me around on that!"  I assured her she was "next" after I "finished with him" and I'd buy her an ice cream if she "behaved".  She beamed at me as Ron laughed. 

A small boy gaped at us later, and I smiled.  "It's funny" I told Ron.  "Before medication, I'd have been furious.  After, I just smile." 

No, it…

Ghetto pants

I am wiped out. 

Truck day.  I got up 4-5 AM, Ron distracted me talking about the Terrible Book he was reading.  I realized, in horror, I had missed the time I had to shower. 

Ron has some "bath wipes".  I used those, but no help for my hair (Amazon does have a quickie hair cleanse shower cap product.  I plan to buy a few and will let you know how they work on my long, thick, greasy hair.)  As it was, I had to make do.  Hm. 

I put on a double layer of deodorant.  White Tea and Lavender Crystal Deodorant (always very effective), topped by a layer of Secret Power Fresh spray.  I did not want to stink.   It worked. 

We went to the warehouse.  I was pretty pissed when I found out they were out of both Coke, and Sprite, 24 count bottles.  Last week it was Diet Coke.  They seem to have ongoing, pointless, supply issues. 

Let me say, if I left my vending machines that badly stocked, I'd be thrown out of the building - and they should!  I was pretty disgusted, even more so when…

$3 hooker

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Still depressed.  I spent the first half hour of my day hitting the snooze button and apologizing to God.  I did do my God Time before I got online. 

I got up, showered, and dressed.  Ron woke up, very groggy.  "I don't want to go". 

I didn't bother to tell him I'd already had my caffeinated soda, so I wasn't going back to sleep.  I just told him we had to do the inventory. 

We had a pretty good ride to Walmart, we went around ferrying other people for a while, then finally to Walmart.  He had, however, gone crazy spraying "Black Ice" air freshener all over the cab.  Have you seen those car freshener trees?  The black one?  That fragrance. 

It was so overpowering it got on my clothes, I had to undress and launder them when I got home.  I don't fault the driver, though. 

He was pretty clear that some of his clients, especially the slower ones in diapers, are not cared for properly.  They reek of old feces, urine, body odor, and "Something el…

Biscuit's a puker

I woke up depressed.  I did my God Time later and did get the shower. 

Last night, as I lay awake in bed, I found myself wondering, "Why does my mood always improve right before I go to bed?"  Maybe it's because I can "turn off" for a while. 

I don't think it's medication related, because I take my hard stuff around lunch (antidepressant for breakfast; 5 (!) mood stabilizers and an antipsychotic for lunch), it's got plenty of time to "work". 

Anyway, I was feeling pretty oppressed.  Someone once told me all that is entirely spiritual.  Others say it's just the misfirings of a diseased brain, or a difficult life.  I'm inclined to see it as a combination. 

So, we went to Walmart.  I got a few things, made my deposit  Of course the pharmacy called with some of my medication AFTER we went home. 

Ron actually paid attention to me.  I had a great time looking at spices and discussing MSG.  We agreed we prefer to shop early.  Yes, the del…

I should move to Acres Homes

Last night, as I was going to bed, I found "my" cat (the large brown and orange tabby) lying in the hallway.  I gently scolded her, bent my knees (!), picked her up, and took her to bed, gently placing her in her spot. 

"You can do whatever you'd like" I told her "But I'd love to sleep with you tonight.  I sleep so much better, and I miss you when you're gone."  She purred, accepted some petting, and decided to stay, all night.  Wonderful. 

As usual, I woke up exhausted.  I was also moderately depressed.  I was pretty groggy, too, from my medication. 

Ron spent most of the morning shouting at me, ordering me around, and name calling.  At one point I said "You just called me 'stupid' and 'spineless'. you're yelling at me, and you wonder why I'm distant?"  I showed some annoyance but I didn't sink to his level. 

He has a couple of issues:
1.  He thinks, if I don't perform to his expectations, he has &qu…

Pessimism has served me well

I'd like to say I don't require a lot of attention, but I'm starting to question that assumption. 

Ron did apologize for "getting weird" last night - pretty much the minute I woke up.  I was pretty depressed (chemical, not him), so I just did my God Time. 

We went to Walmart and I got some spices.  I would like to create some simple rice-n-bean dishes, with lentils, things that are nourishing and easy to prepare. 

I found myself getting very frustrated.  I had gone to all the trouble of getting a special cart so he could accompany me, and he was on the phone with the bank!  I wanted to ask him if it couldn't wait until he was by himself, and not with his wife.  This is why I think I might be a little more intensive than I previously thought. 

I mean, God love him, nearly every time we are spending quality time together, he takes out the phone, checks all the bills, checks the bank balance (I am glad he does this, just not when we're together).   I know &q…

Defenses

Ron is furious right now, belligerent and name-calling. 

Ron and I have a friend.  He calls now and then when he's manic.  He is clearly bipolar.  We have discussed it with him, explained he doesn't "have to drink it away", explained medication can give one a great quality of life, etc. 

He has said he doesn't believe I am ill, I have, in turn, explained it is only BECAUSE I am taking my medication.  I encourage him to seek help, and if prescribed medication, to take it as directed. 

Anyway, he called tonight.  Ron said, in passing he "wanted to send him the TA book".  I refused to help. 

The whole premise of TA - "transactional analysis" - a cult-like popular movement in the 70's, was that one could control one's brain with will alone, bad or inconsistent parenting was responsible for all societal ills, etc. 

My favorite part, one that never made sense to me, even as a dumb, eager-to-please (Ron), 18 year old kid "Schizophrenia i…

Old Faithful

I don't complain, but I'll state facts:
I slept horribly last night (I did have Torbie, though, my sweet old lady cat).
I woke up with a headache (but the Excedrin did a pretty good job throughout the day, and gave me the "energy" to make of up for the lack of sleep). 
Work was hectic (but over by 10 AM). 

We had a soda delivery.  When Ron called it in, I suggested he ask our sales rep for Coy.  Coy's a great guy, very professional, great attitude.  The kind of person I'd "steal" for my business, if I needed one. 

I didn't need to do much for snacks, and I praised God for that.  I helped Ron, talked to the other vendor, and had both deliveries arrive within 10 minutes. 

I was happy it was my favorite sandwich guy, and I had a meatball sub for Coy.  He loves them, and I always pack a lunch.  It is my hope people would look forward to coming to us; anticipating respect, appreciation, and a good meal.  I truly pray I do that. 

So, I got back and ma…

And I've got a migraine

I woke up at 1 AM with a horrible migraine.  I managed to corner it with over the counter headache pills and very cold caffeinated sodas. 

It looked like the neighbors were having a party, until I saw the van from the Medical Examiner.  Apparently someone died down the street.  The boy who lives there once tore boards off my fence when he was playing with #2, encouraging him to rip a big hole in the fence between our yards, so they could go exploring.  Apparently splitting hairs, "Don't go in the yard" only applies to the gate?  Huh.  Needless to say it stopped when I informed the mother, and I didn't see the boy again.  

We had a trip to Walmart.  I'm having an ant issue (pretty bad this morning), and needed some bait.  I barely made it, but we went. 

I was really happy we got home before they started handing out the sausage samples at the front entrance.  I think the smell of sausage would have had me vomiting. 

As it is, I was getting shaky and sweaty, both g…

"Bad Neighborhood" Handout

Our drop off driver had just warned us, grimly, "This is a bad neighborhood" in a very cautious tone.  "The neighborhood has a bad reputation" I told Ron "But that doesn't mean it has bad people."

Case in point, the carload of young gangbangers who pulled up shortly after I got to the corner and set up (I brought approximately 100 Bibles, handed out 75 in about an hour - whole Bibles, except for the kiddie ones, and I only had 10 of them). 

Mom and Dad are going to read this... let's just say the light changed unexpectedly and a car flew by at a high rate of speed while I was still in the middle lane.  I jumped, and looked over my shoulder for more before I headed back to the safety of "my" median.  4 young men in the car, they each wanted a Bible, and I had NICE ones, beautiful fake leather covers, gilded pages, lots of helps, Bibles I have dreamed of handing out, especially there. 

Anyway, I was startled.  "Don't worry" …