Showing posts from November, 2015

Don it

Something woke me up at 1 AM, I wasn't happy.  I finally went back to sleep but, interrupted, I was pretty exhausted this morning. 

I had to laugh at myself as I applied me deodorant.  I had shaved one armpit, and forgotten the other. 

We rode with the teacher's aide today.  Even though other women wait at the door of the school, she acts as though the driver must wait until it's unlocked.  Not according to paratransit rules, unless she has a severe intellectual limitation.  Now, it's not the best neighborhood but it's certainly not that bad.  And, if given a choice, I think they will rob the older, obese, white lady with the huge leather purse. 

Last time she waited so long in the car Ron had to remind the driver we had to get to work, we had deliveries, and we weren't interested in catering to overly hysterical fears.  If you are really that worried about your safety, get a concealed weapons permit.  A gun will certainly stop a mugging, or whatever else yo…

A look in my belly

OK, what do we eat? 

1.  Richards Chicken and Sausage Gumbo.  It's about $3.50 for one serving, but you can stretch it to two if you have a salad and make more rice. 

2.  Savoie's Chicken and Sausage Gumbo.  If you are in Houston they have these at the Walters and 1960 Walmart.  Same price. 

3.  Ron likes Nighthawk TV Dinner - Top Chop't - it has a steak patty, sauce, mashed potatoes with cheese and bacon on top.  That's about $2 -$2.50. 

4.  I like Banquet pot pies.  They nuke easy and agree with my lithium.  The beef is very beefy.  I like Beef, or Turkey flavors. 

5.  I also like "The Greek Gods" greek yogurt.  It is full fat and the Honey flavor is sweet, but not overly so.  Agrees with the lithium. 

6.  If I'm in a cooking mood, the Asian porridges are great - they have combinations of whole grains and some beans, I just soak it and cook it in my rice pot.  I buy them at Asian grocery stores with "funny" names. 

7.  I am also a huge …

They'd probably stone you.

I don't know about you, but when someone wants me to like someone - desperately wants me to do so, I tend to put my hackles up.  I approach the meetings with resentment and trepidation.  I resist, firmly, the "You have to like them you're going to be such good friends". 

The last time it happened, I didn't like the person on first meeting, but tried to give them a chance.  In the course of our very brief interaction, I shared some mildly personal information and tried to be sympathetic to their plight. 

Subsequent events over the next few days confirmed my suspicion that said person was a drama-seeker.  They, in fact, kept trying to suck me into their dramas.  I was pretty upset.  I don't know you, I have my own problems.  I'm not going to nursemaid you.  I don't care.  The issues they had were fairly typical for someone of their age, but try to tell them that. 

At the time I felt I had much larger issues, I sure didn't have any energy or empat…

Feathers on a stick

What did I do yesterday?  Depressed, went to work anyway.  I did everything except fill the nickels in my busiest snack machine.  My customers are going to be very unhappy about that. 

Well, I can't do anything about it now.  I went home and took a nap (yes!), then Ron and I went to Walmart. 

1.  I needed my medication. 
2.  Biscuit can always use more canned food. 
3.  Might as well check out the specials. 

I saw a couple things I might have been interested in: a button up fleece shirt (not the sweatshirt fabric, but the other kind) - but I already have 2, and it's just not that cold in Houston.  I also saw a thermal legging/top set, pretty cute, but nothing in my size.  All the colors were pretty sold out but the coral, which didn't seem to get anyone excited.  I even looked for my size in the coral.  Nope. 

Ah, well.  I mainly bought some food, a pot, the num-nums for Biscuit, and a purse.  This one is actually a crossbody purse, which I've been seeking.  It&#…

Girl Scout Days

Yesterday we did truck day.  We parked at work, the pickup truck (I wasn't driving) loaded with merchandise.... and they were waxing in front of my vending machines. 

Now, something like that, I can take a couple of approaches. 
1.  Get a typical attitude "Y'all ruining my business.  You need to stop.  I have to make a living." 
2.  Go home.  [snort]  Tempted, though. 
3.  "Hi, I'm here, how can we work this out?  I know you need to do this, but I need to do that, if at all possible.  At the very least I need access to my stockroom, can we do that?" 

I took approach #3, and was not only able to access the stockroom, but stock the vending machines as well.  I call that a win. 

They did rush us at the end, though.  'You're about done, right?"  "Almost done?"  Etc.  But I understood THEY had work, just like I had, and we got out early. 

I hope my God time has made me a more sensitive and empathetic person.  I like to think it …

Barf for Mommy

Another day, another headache.  I still did my God Time and shower, and went to Walmart.  I really don't want to shop later in the week! 

I got Biscuit some new cat food, which he loves.  Since they all like to nibble at the canned food, I try to get the larger (5 ounce) cans.  I gave them 3 cans yesterday, total, and Biscuit got sick.  3, clearly, is one too many. 

Poor Biscuit just runs a little pukey.  I wonder sometimes if that's why they gave the kittens up - rather, dumped them in the woods next to a very busy street.  Pretty much a death sentence, that.  At least until I came along. 

Biscuit came running for me, like a long-lost lover.  He climbed me like a tree, meowing and purring in my ear as I laughed and giggled.  Gravy was more shy, hiding in the bushes and howling at me until I coaxed him out.  He then decided to trip me, repeatedly, as I walked to the bus stop. 

I had a huge sack of Bibles on my arm, I was committed - so I went and did the Bible Handout, wor…

Kick it!

I woke up at 3 AM, with a migraine, and went to work.  Our driver picked up another employee at our facility, on the way.  I didn't like him much. 

1.  Greeted me with "I know where you live now".  Dispatch apparently told him our location when he called to check on the ride. 
2.  Throughout the day, I kept running into him, the man had NO concept of personal space.  At least as applied to me.  He stayed at a normal distance from the other vendors (men), but stood very close to me, within 6 inches.  I had to keep moving away, and we had plenty of space. 

Do I think he was "into" me?  No.  With one exception (when my breasts got dramatically larger after Doc increased my antipsychotic, one guy was gaping a bit), I have never really felt the other guys at work were inappropriate.  I did have to ask someone's friend to explain "personal space" "before I made a complaint".  The friend did so and everything remained genial. 

The guy seems…

Saturday night shift

In Mexican culture, the baby's first birthday is a huge event.  I have endured several of them thanks to #6. 

Don't get me wrong, I am glad their kids are alive and healthy.  It is, however, tremendously exhausting to hear the party ongoing when I just want to sleep. 

So, I keep a calendar.  Basically, "we" have most of our parties in March, October, one in November (the 21st!) and the Christmas Eve party.  I'll talk about that one in a month. 

Anyway, we needed to work yesterday, and we had a couple of factors:
Blue Norther cold front inbound with heavy rain, in the morning. Party at night, for certain.  We decided to go to the warehouse later in the afternoon, and then work.  It's funny; when I was a retail slave for someone else, the only thing I wanted was a 9-5, Monday to Friday job.  Now I find myself enjoying my Saturday night shift.   I prefer working weekends. 

I had some gapes and double takes at work, but overall they were happy to see me/us. …

A whole lot about microwaves

I couldn't get the enter key to work on my last attempt. 


So, today was off.  I was pretty depressed, no shower or God Time.  I think sometimes how bad it would be to be a wealthy person with depression.  You wouldn't "need" to work. 

I did get my God time, come to think.  That's about all I did. 

Anyway, we went to Walmart.  We had to buy a microwave for work, and some soda, so not a lot of room for extras.  I filled up the rest of the cart with cat food, mainly.  Biscuit says he likes the Classic Seafood EntrĂ©e.  Gravy likes it, too.  Glad I got it. 

Since I've caught nearly all the cats nibbling at the num-num (canned food), I decided to focus on a bigger portion.  The less expensive cans are a larger size, and happily seem OK with my crew. 

I bought some decaf iced tea, etc.  A box of cereal I can consume with my soymilk.  But I didn't get much.  Ron bought 3 pounds, literally, of cat treats. 

I had some fun wrangling the microwave, which…

"I know how you are about locks"

Ron told me "I know how you are about locks". 

Well, we have a complex relationship. 

I never had a key to my parent's house, up until the day I moved out.  Ron says that is unusual.  The other kids did.  Her argument: "You will lose it".  "We are never gone when you want to come home".  No, but she used to lock me out. 

Another time my Dad gave me a key to "the trunk", I couldn't get it to work, kept telling him, he kept shouting.  I broke the key.  Dad came over shouting because I had broken the key to his first car.  I told him it didn't work.  He's the one who gave me the wrong key. 

After that incident (I was about 7) I was branded as "Bad with locks".  I had a reputation for "losing" things - that weren't lost, but taken from me.  However, rather than address the complex head games at the root of all this, they preferred to say I "lost" them. 

Why is it, when I had adequate storage and…


I woke up at 5 AM, I got to sleep in.  :p 

We went to work, but it didn't need much stocking.  I stocked what I could and waited on the repairman. 

At one point, I was stocking, my arms full of product.  Ron was yelling for me.  He does that a lot.  He wanted me to help him.  I told him I had to stock the product I was holding, and he shouted it was my job to serve him, not fill vending machines. I gave him a peculiar look. 

The repairman came.  Ron had forgotten to empty the change bucket, which caused a backup.  Not only that, someone had put an Asian coin into the system.  That would have caused a jam on it's own.  He had to disassemble the unit. 

He "tried" to fix the "not giving proper change back" issue, but did a poor job of that.  I had to go and fix it after he left.  "I think" I told  Ron "I'm the only one who knows how to work it".  It has certain parameters, if they are met it behaves.  I have also eliminated most of …

The good stuff

Ron is furious.  Part of it is due to my confronting him regarding a really stupid thing he is doing with money.  He won't hear me on it.  I worry it's going to hurt us both. 

Part of it, and my disappointment, is the fact that he refuses to understand what depression means.  To him, I should be eager to run around with him at his whim, eating takeout every day.  He told me "It was (my) job to (serve) him" today at work.  I was aghast.  I hope I have never given him reason to believe that - I think that's more the narcissistic thing.  He doesn't understand, when I'm depressed, I'm doing great to take a shower, go to work, and come home, collapsing into bed for a nap.  He doesn't want to hear it.  He doesn't understand, doesn't want to, the anxiety I have been battling.  He just throws me a platitude, and he doesn't even mean that. 

Then we can't forget the health insurance discussion.  He told me, tonight, he spends $200 a month …

Coin jam

I have two cats on the desk so I can't type very well. 

Torbie wants to be nearby, but not in my lap.  I sat on the couch and called her for a while.  Nope. 

Biscuit wants to terrorize me, purring madly, until I feed him his canned food.  I guess he's getting hungry.  I have no room to mouse or type, and am holding the keyboard in my lap.  No one, at present, is interested in my lap. 

So, pretty depressed today.  No shower, did my God Time later.  I did a sink bath and went to the warehouse, got the supplies, back to work. 

But we had a coin jam in one machine so I couldn't stock it.  I couldn't clear the whole works.  I think it would be cruel to stock an (Biscuit is trying to go after the keyboard) out of service vending machine "look at all the great things you can't buy).  So I didn't.  I sure stocked the other two, though. 

I helped Ron and did my thing as best I could, then we came home.  Torbie met us on the porch.  I tried to take a short nap …

My meds are trying to make me a vegetarian

Yesterday was pretty typical: I got up at 4 AM, (did not do my God Time), went to work, came home, tried to take a nap (that didn't work out), and did some cleaning and organizing. 

I went to bed pretty early; when I got up I did get the shower and God Time. 

Salvation Army came today.  I decided to give them my coffee cups.  I have been collecting them since 1998, but I haven't "enjoyed" them in a long time.  They were clutter. They were that huge thing out in the garage.  I never looked at them or even made tea in them. 

I preferred my "Texas Wildflowers" mug.  I bought it at Walmart. 

Anyway, this morning, I mentioned I was thinking about getting rid of them.  Ron reminded me Salvation Army was coming.  Some lucky "thrifter", I thought, would love to get a ready-made collection. 

I did keep one "Heather" mug.  I forget who gave it to me, and Texas Wildflowers.  The rest went to Salvation Army, clearing out most of an entire kitch…

All I need is my Bible

"This is a computer room" I told Ron "Not a pass-out-on-the-floor-room".   Ron laughed as he lay on the floor. 

Ron got very drunk during "church", heckled the pastor, and passed out on the floor.  Thank God we were watching at home. 

Ron's belligerent and yelling, and the pastor's saying "I know some of you are having trials right now, but remember, all you need is your Bible."  You have no idea.

Yesterday, I got up at 4 AM, went to the warehouse, went to work, stocked.  I came home, took a nap, and we went to Walmart.  I had a horrible time with anxiety and depression. 

I did get most of what I needed, but I forgot the pepto.  I have "enough", I just like to have some backup.  It's for my stomach, after all. 

I do NOT need an ulcer, and I am in prime breeding conditions for same:
I take NSAIDS for my many headaches.
I take brutally toxic mood stabilizers - either of those would eat a hole in my stomach on their own.�…

Too Bad

Yesterday, I ate a new protein bar (!) and did our usual supply run. 

Work was pretty standard, I saw the freezer problem isn't as "fixed" as I thought.  We will need to take it somewhere and thaw it away from the server room.  That's just one thing to do in a long list. 

The machines looked good and the customers, happy, when we left. 


They love coming to me for change. 

I had the worst nap ever.  Ron made a lot of noise feeding the cats, getting snacks, etc.  He was quiet today, though. 

Anxiety was pretty bad, but I had a lot of caffeine yesterday. 

Depression's been about the same.  I was pretty tired, so I didn't even get online.  I was proud I had at least managed my God Time and a shower, even some laundry. 


We had today off.  I woke up at 5 with a horrific migraine.  Apparently the new protein bars don't agree.  Agh.  I didn't vomit but that's about all I can say. 

Ron and I had planned to go to a BBQ place.  I was fe…

These doses

Yesterday I got up at 4 AM, showered, God Time, went to the warehouse and bought 60 some cases of merchandise. 

I loaded and unloaded the truck, stocked what I could, and got everything crammed into our corner of the stockroom.  I helped Ron and we even had a little time to work on defrosting the freezer.  It had some big chunks of ice; and is very near the server room. 

That could be Very Bad.  We fixed it. 

After all that, we went home and I took a short nap.  I was pretty exhausted. 

We went out and got BBQ - by the time I got home I was truly exhausted and went straight to bed without even turning on the computer. 

My mood was better, less anxiety, maybe even a hint of a mania.  I am spotting so my cycle is imminent. 

Someone teased me when I told them about my hallucination last week, saying it meant I would get pregnant.  Happy to contradict that! 

I had a pretty good night of sleep.  I was pretty annoyed that morning, because the industrial complex nearby was making a to…

I was very rude

It's been a rough couple days. 

I have been able to get a nap most days, which is great.  Taking meds as directed, and no headaches either. 

Ron, however, has been horribly depressed, showing all the clinical symptoms.  And drinking.  He really does have dysthymia.  I remember years ago, he was really happy about something, and it scared the hell out of me.  I didn't know what to make of a happy Ron. 

It also brought up bad memories of my birth mother, manic. 

Anxiety is somewhat better but Ron isn't helping.  He's making what I feel are some very poor decisions and he won't listen to me.  He's just in this mental place where it will go well, and if it doesn't, so what. 

I worry about losing the business and the house, finding another place to live with 4 cats, and finding a job I'm qualified to do.  Home care comes to mind, but my aunt mentioned she would worry about caregiver burnout.  Working to help someone, helping someone at home, could be a …

Metro [censored]

Really long day today. 

Neighbors made noise off and on all night, but were appreciably quieter than other parties.  I think they're "trying". 

I woke up pretty tired, still did God Time, shower, etc. 

It was cold and raining, more of a steady drizzle.  I was glad I brought my coat and jeans. 

We went to the mall and got Ron his new phone (not expensive).  The old phone was a total loss. 

We went to Walmart and got supplies for work.  I also did a little personal shopping, ate, and took my meds (they consume half my purse). 

We went to work, it was a long ride.  The driver told us how someone called him a "Metro N**ger". 

"I hope she was black" I gasped. 

"No, she wasn't".  OOoooh. 

We got to work, did a hell of a lot of stocking.  Oddly the other vendor's machines were nearly full.  I guess either they really like us, the selection, or both. 

Huh.  Kind of a big responsibility.  We got it ALL done, and boy there was a lot …


Well, Ron effectively finished destroying the phone. 

We did manage to schedule a ride to the phone place to get another one. 

He told me I was right and I didn't agree.  Wanted to. 

He got very drunk, fell off his walker backwards, and cracked his head.  He doesn't want any help, so I will assume, as always, he will bounce back tomorrow.  How many times has he done that, anyway?  Three dozen?  Backwards is new. 

No, it isn't.  Usually it was falling out of the wheelchair.  I swear the man is made of rubber. 

I finally got him fed and off to bed.  He made it OK. 

The neighbors are having a gathering, a little music, kids running around and screaming right outside my bedroom.  However, I don't have to get up until pretty late (8), but it is going to be a very long day. 

Sunday night I need to get to bed early, I'm hoping that can happen, because I have to get up at 2-3 AM  on Monday for a soda delivery.   On school holidays the kids run around outside when I&…

When the cell phone sobers up

It was a pretty tough day. 

Got up depressed.  No God Time or shower, but I looked OK.  I did my God Time later. 

We went to Walmart.  I got the stuff on my list, including more generic headache pills.  As it turns out, a good thing. 

Ron had a fit when he found out his doctor had prescribed a medication costing $482 dollars.  A month.  And they want him to take it, ongoing.  Needless to say, he called Doc. 

We came home, (I hardly got anything), ate, pill time, and I took a nap.  I haven't been having good dreams lately.  Not bad dreams, just unpleasant.  Also, #6 made some noise.  Poor thing would probably kill for a nap. 

By the way, #2 got the message, and has stopped running over the water meter.  Yay. 

I woke up, Ron played part of his book for me.  He really wants me to read this author. 

I headed off to do my God Time, when I was stopped by cursing.  Ron had dropped his cell phone into a glass of whiskey. 

I attempted to remove the battery and store it in a bag of …

I never keep my money...

I woke up at 4 AM, with a catastrophic migraine.  I choked down some OTC headache pills and went back to bed, doing my God Time later. 

While God is very patient and would have been content with me groaning at Him, I figured He would understand I needed the rest. 

Over the course of the day, I consumed another dose of OTC headache pills, a 20 ounce iced coffee (and I hate coffee), and about 45 ounces of diet soda.  Total caffeine intake, over one gram.  I doubt I'll sleep tonight. 

Some migraines require massive amounts of very cold caffeine.  I also alternated between near-nausea and ravenous hunger. 

I'd say about a third is hormonal (I am nearing my cycle), a third the incoming cold front (notorious for headaches in my family), and a third the candy bar I ate yesterday. 


Fun part, I had to take  Ron to primary care doc.  Poor doc was clueless what had happened, since he sent us to the ER 2 months ago.  He was delighted to hear Ron's better. 

Ron's blood …

PIckup window

Today was really long. 

We went to the warehouse, but first I had to go talk to my neighbor in #2 and ask him, politely, to please stop driving over the water meter.  "I'm worried you will break the pipes, and your pipes run there too."  He seemed to take it seriously and I kept it light and non confrontational. 

Then we went to the warehouse.  I got Ron 20 cases of drinks, and boy I'm a little stiff from that. 

I got some snack items, got everything in the building, and had minor hysterics over where I'd put it all.  The other vendor has about 300 square feet of storage.  I have 34. 

I hauled all my snacks off the racks, stocked, helped Ron stock, and made enough "hole" to backstock my new stuff. 

We left, and went to his doctor, but the ride was late. 

We had to leave the doctor's office before seeing the doctor, because our ride was rescheduled to come early (they can do that). 

We came home.  I tried to take a brief nap, and I'm sure …