Saturday, March 31, 2012

Cat Hole

I don't feel I did a lot for the evangelism today.

The first driver, we'd already gotten.  The second one didn't seem to like me and I perceived she'd be hostile.

I did hand out some Driver Candy to the Chinese food delivery guy.  He likes me.  I give him Chinese scripture booklets (I love World Missionary Press) in bags of candy.  He loves it.

If I were advising someone on an easy way to start evangelizing, I'd suggest that - when you get food delivered, give them a good tip, and a scripture booklet, or tract, in a bag of candy.

We had a couple of guys out today.  A lot of work on the valve.  I don't pretend to understand.  We have a new tub fixture sticking out of the wall.  It works.  It doesn't leak.  Yay!

They covered up the "cat hole" with drywall and screwed that in.  Bubba is really disappointed.  He liked that hole.  He loved to squirm in there and go exploring inside the wall.  Then they did some tile work.  I expected plain tile; they're putting some nice border tile around the window.  It looks LOVELY.

They ate some goodies, drank some drinks, and then left.  That's when Ron and I got the Chinese food.

We also saw Rick the Electrician.  He's a great guy.  Over the last several years, he's installed a ceiling fan; new ballast for the kitchen light; and fixed a bad outlet in the kitchen.

He came out to look at our battery operated lawnmower.  Apparently it's a battery problem.  That's good, and bad.  It's good because that's a lot cheaper than a new mower.  It's bad because we still have to get a new battery.  Knowledge is power and he's a nice guy.

I made him some baked goods; triple chocolate brownies, and cornbread with bacon and cheese.  He was happy.  We even gave him a cow hoof for his dog.

Every dog I've met (not many) loves a hoof.   Do you have a dog?  Do they like cow hooves?  Post a comment.  I'd be curious to hear your experiences.  Let us know what kind of dog you have.

Even Bubba cat likes to sniff at a cow hoof!

Friday, March 30, 2012

Pray for the recipients.

Someone recently mentioned it might be fun for me to do a Bible Handout update here.

So, just for fun, here we go (I am really tired tonight).  We had 3 drivers.  All of them new to us.  Each driver got a "Done Up" Bible - Bible with "Where to Look in the New Testament", tract, Ron's tract, and a nice greeting card letting them know I am praying for them daily.

I handed out one to each driver, and one to the teller at the bank.  I already got the people at the credit union and handing things out at work is tricky.

So, today, grand total of 4.

Still battling mild depression (mild with medication).  Ron and I mailed the quarterly property tax payments and some paperwork to the mortgage company.  It didn't believe we were making payments and we had to send proof.

I did meter readings (accountability function), and noticed I am a lot more alert these days.  The Haldol is really a wonderful medication for me.  My thoughts are very even and level, no paranoia or hostility.

After we went to the bank, we came home and I took a long nap.  Tomorrow promises to be busy.

I have a minimum of 4, maybe 5 guys coming out.  One is a really great guy and an electrician (he's going to look at the the Neuton mower).  I'll be making him brownies.

I may not have gotten to finish the Bible handout and distribute all the Bibles at once, but I'm almost out now.  Praise God.

Now, off to pray for the recipients.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Pretty toxic

Pretty tired today.  I got pretty toxic this morning.  Not fun.

Still battling the depression, but hopefully not for long.  We got some rain so I got out of watering the garden, and the sod out front.

I also gave some Bibles to someone else to hand out (I still hand out my own).  He was really happy.

That's it for tonight, I'm beat.

Monday, March 26, 2012

"Why I was an Atheist" - Ron tract

I'm guessing that the average person doesn't believe in God, because:
They would have to make a change, in what they do, say, and think!  Who wants to!
I basically like who I am, because I'm not that bad!
Also, I don't like anyone telling me how to think, and what to say, and not say!
What do I get if I believe in God?
Evil people are all around me, and they seem to be doing just fine!
Revelation 21-4 says we will live forever, in a beautiful place, with no more pain, tears, or suffering!
Sounds good to me, what about you!  Great trade!
Let's be blunt!  He created sex and the orgasm, but He wants us to have them under certain conditions, to protect our health and safety!
Do you wanna hurt and be sad?  No!
How about a world with no money or endless, unpayable bills!
What profit does one have, if he has a billion dollars, but can't get out of his hospital bed!
What if you have all the money in the world, but you're extremely sick all the time!
We really think we don't need Him, until we die, then suddenly, we find out we're going to Heaven or Hell!
Where do you want to go?
John 3-16 says, He gave His son, as our whipping boy, so that whoever believes in Jesus, will have eternal life, and never die!
When do you want your life battery to burn out?  Pick a day!  You can't!
Can you add one hair to your head, or one day to your life?  He can!
It scares us to know He has such power!  When it comes to human beings,
power corrupts!  And absolute power corrupts absolutely 
We're not use to anyone being good with a lot of power!
They're usually very corrupt.  Look at some of our politicians!
Don't we hate crooked cops and teachers?
They can negatively affect our wallets, and our earning abilities!
Do you like getting a ticket or grade you didn't deserve?  Of course not!
The great philosopher,Pascal, says if you think there's a God, and you find out you were wrong,
then hopefully, you've lived a better life!
But if you believe He doesn't exist, and find out later that you were wrong,
well, now it's too late to do anything about it!
Wouldn't you be mad to find out He wanted to give you a wallet that never ran out of money, no matter how much you spent?
So, ask Jesus for forgiveness, for all your bad thoughts and actions and deeds, then try and follow the one major commandment,
Love God and what He stands for, and then love your neighbor as yourself!
I think that's one of the hardest rules to follow!
Also, love your enemies!  That's another hard one, but if we are kind to a person who deserves our hatred,
but we give him love instead, then he might wonder why!
Then, you can share your faith with him, and maybe you can save his sorry butt!  Just kidding!
Jesus said He's not returning to Earth until everybody's had a chance to accept or reject Him!
Please make the smart choice, otherwise, I, and a lot of others, will miss you!
I used to be a complete atheist, but if He can save me, a perfect sinner, then He can save anybody!
Before I met my wonderful wife, I used to be a very bad boy!
I used to say, if I'm gonna go to Hell, then, I wanna go first-class!
I heard it stupidly said, I'd rather rule in Hell, than serve in Heaven!
Last I heard, Satan isn't sharing his power with anyone!
So make a good decision!  Where do you want to go in THE END!
Ask Him for help, because it is through His actions, that we are saved, not our own!
I've heard it said that our best deeds are like dirty diapers!
So, you can't earn your way to Heaven.  It is through Him only!  He's the only door!
Just accept His undeserved gift and let Him save you!  Thanks for reading!

"Why I didn't Believe" - a Ron tract.

Why I didn't believe in God for so long!

Every so-called Christian I ever met, was a plastic holier than thou person!
They all acted like their bathroom mess didn't stink, like mine!
They acted like they knew they were going to Heaven, but I, the evil sinner, was definitely going to Hell!
And maybe, if I scraped and scrounged and begged enough, I might go to Heaven too,
but, only if I was as good as they were!
They acted like I had to EARN my way to Heaven!
It had nothing to do with a guy named Jesus, who was beaten, and died for my bad stuff, so I wouldn't have to get a whipping!
He suffered, so I didn't have to!  Why?  I don't know!
They say He loves us, but I couldn't!  We are just too bad!
Some so-called Christians act like we have to be worthy to go to the good place!
They don't seem to understand that even if we did our best, it would be like dirty diapers to HIM!
Why are they keeping this important news a big secret?
Does acting like they are   better than us, make them feel superior to us, and safe?
Why don't they just tell us that believing that Jesus died for our bad junk, frees us from punishment!
When I did wrong as a child, I got an butt whipping!  A real good one!
I've never been forgiven by my parents, for any wrong deed!  And now, I'm glad they didn't!
I'm a better person, because they beat my butt when I deserved it!
Some act like, now don't cuss!  That's ghetto for curse!
They have all these phony rules that equal goodness!
"If you want to go to Heaven, follow my rules!  Act like me, and you'll be alright!"
WRONG!  We couldn't earn our way if we tried!
We get there, because of HIS loving ACTIONS, not ours!
Now, you will probably fall in the mud at least once a day!  Don't let that discourage you!
Jesus took our whipping so we wouldn't have to get one!
But, to receive His gift, we have to repent, that means be really sorry, and sincerely regret, the bad stuff we said or did!
If we don't really mean it, then that proves we haven't really learned our lesson yet,
so how could we really expect forgiveness if we weren't really sorry?
You have to ask for it to get it!  Simple!
Some people act like they are going to Heaven, because they go to CHURCH every Sunday!
They never sin anymore, now that they've been saved by the blood of Jesus!
They act like they're ok and you're not!
But, you CAN be ok if!
Then they supply all the ifs you need to go to Heaven!
Jesus said, many of you called me LORD, and assumed I knew you.
But He said, I knew you not!
What a shock is in store for them.  They thought they were so perfect!
How sad to be misled, when the Bible is so clear about being saved!
Some folk think they have to give a certain amount of money to somebody, to get into Heaven!
Trust me!  God doesn't need money!  There's probably no money in Heaven anyway!
So, hear the good news!  There's hope even for someone as imperfect, as you and me!!
Thanks for reading my little note!

Don't eat sugar, Heather.

So how is my mood anyway?

Well, I realized last week, when I got snarly over someone parking in front of my house, that I needed to look at my lithium.  I'm on a higher dose now.

Mood wise?  I am fantastic.  I'm not running around paranoid and snarly.  I'm not really up or down, unless I eat sugar.  Then I'm reminded that a vicious depression lurks at the end of EVERY month (about the 15 to the 30th).

I adore the Haldol.  I have no nausea, and no perceptible side effects.  It's a good teammate for the lithium.

I get the odd hot flash from the Wellbutrin but that's it, and I still get somewhat nauseous when I forget to eat.  I have been eating terribly, by the way.  Stress eating over the remodel.

Of course my feet hated that, and the plantar fasciitis started yelling at me again.  Don't eat sugar, Heather.  It ruins my mood and my body.

So, the mood is great, about as good as I think I can get.  Especially considering all the stress.  

However, I'm pretty groggy.  Not fun.  I have a hard time finding words and thinking clearly, but then again, my job is not really high-test.  Stick the can in the hole, Ron says.   Right now, vaguely queasy, but I think that's the cheddar burger I had for dinner.

I like to think I am very mellow.  I haven't had a "proper" shower since Thursday, but between sink baths, and tub baths, I've been fine.  I can live primitively if required.

I'd like to think I would do well in missions, overseas, but then I think I'm doing missions at home, anyway.

Anyway, I've been very calm and mellow about the changes, the drama, and how it'll all look in the future.  It's not worth my anxiety.

See, I can say this because I'm properly medicated.  Praise God!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

When the guys went home.

This is what it looked like when the guys went home.  Isn't it a million times better?

Demolition Day.

When the home was inspected, we were told "The tiles will need to be replaced, eventually".

We were also quite angry to find a can of termite insecticide in the yard, when the owner's disclosure clearly stated they DID NOT ever have a termite problem.  We almost pulled out of the sale.

We didn't care if they HAD a termite issue.  The fact that they lied about it to cover it up?  Infuriating.

Years ago, Ron lost his balance and fell in the tub, hitting his head on the soap dish.  He literally put his head through the wall, which turned out to have the wrong drywall.  We had a horrifying vision of soggy, improper, drywall, rotted wall studs, and a very large bill in the future.  The studs were so bad, our handyman had to mount the patch to the tub.

The only grace - if the wall had been sound, Ron would have probably died.  He hit his head directly on the soap dish.   The wall had the structural integrity of toast, though, and easily gave under his weight.

Ron has a lot of balance issues due to his stroke, but I worked with an occupational therapist.   She made it pretty clear what Ron would require, and I've done that.  Example: no throw rugs, ever.

I think, in that case, I had failed to hang up the bath mat.

For years, I've known I had a ticking time bomb in my bathroom.  Tiles would fall off.  I'd prop them back up, shuddering at the sight of the soggy drywall.

For you home improvement types, they did not use "green board".

I'd lie in bed at night, wondering.  Dreading.

I asked friends how much a repair would cost.  They quoted half a years' pay.  [shudder]

Recently, I was venting about this issue.  An internet friend offered to get me some help.

Sure, I thought.  Good luck with that.  Who's going to come out and fix up my house?

Two guys, actually.  Very nice men.

We have already done the demolition.

This is what we found:

He's amazed it held up at all.  He gave one good yank and a whole sheet of tiles came down.  

Friday, March 23, 2012

What is it with the vampire/werewolf love triangles?

I recently watched the "Twilight" movie.  I watched the clock, as well.  I made it to 12 minutes before I changed the channel.  I just found it wooden and unexciting.  Some cool makeup and special effects, at least.

If you know the author, you may be surprised to learn, back in the late 90's (in my backslidden days), I was a Laurell Hamilton fan.  Boy, she wrote some books.

It was set in a dark, dystopian world.  One in which all our fiction is truly fact.  It had great promise.  Some horrible violence, but the bad guy usually got it in the end.

The series became increasingly pornographic, and even this (at that point backslidden) Christian drew the line at a particular sex scene.  This article is accurate.  Wikipedia link 

She lost plot development, for pornography.  Porn that even the sex addicts would reject.

So, I got rid of the books I had, and stopped buying new ones.  Too bad.  The character was very tough, but likable.

One feature of the series: Anita had two boyfriends, a vampire and a werewolf.  Sound familiar?  That's what I thought.  She "loved" them both [twitch].   Oh, the things I could say.

Now I can't believe I read as many books as I did.  I stopped right before "Micah" whatever that was.

My point: why can't entertainment come up with a more interesting concept than a werewolf/vampire love triangle.  Why does he have to be a supernatural freak?

 Why can't he be a normal guy?    Ron occasionally reads a romance novel from the state library.

"They're always rich guys, with millions, and muscular bodies that make me feel like a loser".  I tell Ron he's my superhero.

He is.  How many guys have come back from the dead for you?

I'm not counting Jesus!

Seriously, after the accident Ron was clinically dead.  God took him to heaven, and told Ron he could stay.  He then showed Ron something that happened 4 years, 8 months, and 20-some days later.  Ron chose to come back to me.

I don't forget it.

It's probably one reason I've lost my taste for romance novels.  No one stacks up to Ron!  I don't see the heroes cleaning up when the cat pukes on the floor, getting up at 3 AM to take me to work, or going to Walmart in the wheelchair to help me get my medication.

I had an unfortunate "triangle" experience a few years back, when Ron was "sick".  Another man expressed interest.  It was awful.

Two men, interested, at the same time?  Horrible.  No thanks.

Not to mention the whole "I'm on the dinner menu" issue one would face with a vampire or werewolf boyfriend.

Side note

Anyone "unreached", reading this, may be wondering why I'm not writing a long reply to Jonathon, explaining and "defending" my faith.  Well, it doesn't need defending.

How many posts have I written?  Well over a thousand.  If you can't glean the essence of my faith from over a thousand posts, I might as well delete the blog.

I pity you.  I pray for you.  I wonder what gets you up in the morning.  I wonder how you view a loved one's death.

I don't hate you, fear you, or worry what you think.  God calls me to love.


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Today's toilet drama

So, more post-handout drama.

I checked my bank balance.  It had that horrible RED number.  I only get the red number with a negative balance.


I examined the statement.  I get electronic statements, daily.  Thank God.  Ah!  Got it!  TWO charges for the Spanish Bibles.  Unfortunately, the Bible Distributor was closed.  I'll call them Bible Guys.

I had a hard time falling asleep, wondering about overdrafts, shortfalls, etc.  I finally decided, this is spiritual warfare.  If I'm getting whipped, I'm going to fight back.

Cue FERVENT prayer for the recipients, unreached, and donors.  Major, massive, prayer.  I felt better and slept great.

I couldn't even remember what had me upset when I woke up after a good nights' sleep.  Then I did.  Checked the account.  Still screwed.

I told Ron.  He is very good at handling customer service phone issues.  I asked him if he'd help.  He was delighted.

You have to look at it from his perspective.  Like any man, he wants to protect, provide, and support me.  Instead, he has to call me every time he has any heavy lifting.  I have to push him around the Walmart.  I have to carry the groceries.  He wants to help.

Now he could.  I would rather be flayed alive than deal with someone explaining something to me.  Remember, I have an audio processing learning disability - I don't always understand things I'm told.

Ron got on the issue.  It took several phone calls, a lot of explaining on the other end of the phone, but at the end of it all "You'll get your money back in 24 hours".

They took turns pointing fingers at each other - Bible Guys said the bank did it.  Bank said Bible Guys did it.

At the end of the day, I'll get my money back.

Next time I use Bible Guys, I'll be writing a check!

We went to Walmart to get the toilet part (we need to buy washers tomorrow at the home improvement store).   We are currently flushing with buckets of water.  Ah, well.

I was very practical about it.  "We can flush with buckets of water".   Ron felt horrible about leaving the job undone.

Will this matter next week?  No.   I'm treating it accordingly.

After that, we went to the pharmacy.  Funny story there.  Yesterday, Ron called.  Asked if they had my haldol.  The guy said no.

I told Ron, after he hung up, technically my medication is haldoperidol.  Maybe he should ask for that?  I also STRONGLY suggested, he get one of the female techs on the phone.  I know they are very competent.  One picked up.  "Of course we have your medication.  He doesn't know that haldol and haloperidol are the same thing!  Don't worry, we'll tell him!"

Today they made him ring me up.  Ron, being blind, didn't know that and made comments like "I wonder if that guy ever figured it out!  It's awful to tell crazy people you don't have their pills!"  [snicker]  I let him run for a minute or so before I told Ron, "He's ringing me up".

I made sure to check it - ALWAYS check your pills.  My name.  Haloperidol.  .5 mg.  90 tablets.  Thank you!  I paid my $10 and tucked them in my backpack.

Then I went to the bank, and was told I'd have to kill my debit card if I wanted to "dispute".  Agh.  I put in enough cash to cover the negative balance, and my account fee, before I left.

Oh, and everyone but one teller got a Bible.   She made it clear she was not a friend of Jesus.  Sad.

Then, off to work.

Sales are really sad.  The nice thing about faith, one way or another God will cover us.  We live simply, and frugally.  We even turned off the land-line.

After work, after a very long ride and yet more Bible distribution, we went to the Christian bookstore.  I got my new Free Bibles sign made up.  It looks great.  I also got some 1/4 inch foam poster board.  I can make another sign out of that and Ron could hold it up when he comes along.

I would love to do a "Get out of hell!" sign, but I have to pray on that.  His will, not mine.

God knows I'd strip naked to do the handout if that's what it took!  But I can't scare the normals!

Finally, we came home.  We had today's toilet drama.

God clearly wants us in our home, this home.  We'll remain.

But I do have to say, sometimes it seems very easy to live in an apartment instead!

I'm going to evangelize!

At some point, I just have to laugh.

Last time I did the handout, and we had broken vending equipment, a broken toe, and a bladder infection.

Last night, I checked my bank account.  It had a negative balance.  I researched.  My Bible supplier had apparently double-billed me.  I was quite upset.

I decided, with my learning disability, I didn't want to spend a lot of time on the phone managing.  I referred it to Ron, who was happy to help.  It took him over an hour on the phone.

Bible Guy:  It is the bank's fault.
Bank Guy: It is Bible Guy's fault.

Anyway, they finally talked to each other and got it sorted out.  I'm SUPPOSED to get my refund, tomorrow.  ACK.

We finally got the toilet part, but we need washers.  We are currently flushing with a  bucket of water (about a gallon does it).  [laughing quietly]  Yeah.

Work?  Horribly slow.  Horribly, depressingly, alarmingly, slow.  I pray it picks up.

After work, they rode us around town for 2 hours, before taking us to the Christian bookstore.  After dropping us, late, the pickup was early!  I barely had time to make up my new Free Bibles sign.

I did sleep great last night, and at some point we got a good lunch.  We have tomorrow off, and I don't have to worry about empty vending machines.  They looked nice when I left.

I even handed out 10 Bibles as I went about my business.  I figured if the devil's going to hassle me for evangelizing, I'm going to evangelize!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

So what about the Bible Handout?

Nothing makes me panic, like a plumbing problem involving rushing water.  Especially if I don't have a way to turn it off.  I feel so helpless and victimized, as I hear the rushing sound that says "Heather, you are paying for every drop!"  

Happily, the sinkhole issue was repaired yesterday.  I had a lot of anxiety we'd have another broken water pipe, but the meter reader alerted the water company and they sent out their crew.  They spent hours fixing the sinkhole and replacing all the pipes, leaving me a beautiful, hole-free front yard.  

Thank you, Lord.  I felt very safe and protected.  

I always expect problems around a Bible handout; so last night, when I went in the bathroom and found the water running madly, in the toilet, I had to laugh.  Then, I tried to turn off the water to the toilet and had even more rushing water from the shut off valve.  

Ron was asleep.  I almost screamed in frustration.  I left the water supply on - I had to.  I didn't have a key to turn off the house water supply (fixing this week).  So, I lay in bed listening to the rushing water sound laughing at me and reminding me we would NOT have another $20 water bill (I was so proud of it).  

AGH.  Then I jumped on poor Ron the minute he woke up, having mild hysterics.  At first he didn't hear it and we had a really stupid argument.  He thought I was hallucinating!  

OH, I have to hold my head in my hands and laugh for a minute, here.  Happily, he fixed the shut off valve, so we will be getting the parts tomorrow.  He's sure he can fix it.  

If not, I ran into a plumber at the Christian bookstore, so I have a name.  I said "I'd call you in a minute, if you shop here!"  I may.  

SCREAM.  So, that's how I started my day.  

Ron has been hugely supportive, he took me to the Christian bookstore yesterday, and took me on the handout today.  I set him up at a fast food place, with a breakfast meal and easy bathroom access.  He had his talking book, he was happy.  

I went out and did the handout.  

Funny thing, though.  I did a lot of planning.  But I never bothered to ask God what He thought.  I just started planning the handout the minute I got the Bibles.  

I don't mind "working" in the rain, but I didn't stop to think.  If it's raining hard, no one will open a window.  

So, I only did about 40.  When it started to hail, I called it quits.  I also had a strong prompting to stop.  

I was very disappointed as I took my cart back to the fast food restaurant.  Horrified when we ended up waiting for 2 hours, with me in wet clothes in air conditioning.  

So happy to get home and take a nap, but Ron forgot I was sleeping and kept talking back to the TV!  [laughing]  However, he did watch a show and decided to turn off his text messages.  

That's the bad news.  

The good news, I ran into 2 recipients from my last handout.  One even asked about Ron.  They seemed really happy to see me again and that made me smile.  I told my recipients (everyone today) I'd be praying for them and they really seemed touched and appreciative.  

I want them to have a special experience.  I want to make it as meaningful as possible.  That may sound odd coming from a woman waving a laminated sign on a corner.  My first Bible was special.  They had a lovely ceremony at church.  I want them to have a nice card, my prayers, and a pretty Bible to enjoy.  

Well, my donors take care of the Bibles, I'm spending my Bible money on cards now, and you know I'm praying every day.  

I had two "favorites".  Once I got set up, I held up the sign, and immediately the woman in front of me rolled down her window.  "My husband just left me".  I told her I'd be praying daily, and she smiled sadly, as she drove off.  She is in my prayers.  

The second one was more fun.  Sometimes I get an excited child - wants a Bible, but the parent says no. I walked by, saying "Sorry, kid" as I walked away.  I went down the row.  Everyone said no.  I walked back, the boy had his window down, reaching out a hand.  Yay!  I gave him two, "One for Dad!"  

That was fun.  I hate to see a child deprived of a Bible, if they so clearly want it.  

Not today!  

God's let me know, time to get off the morning commute.  They are Bibled out.  

Ron's been pushing me to work in the afternoon.  I think he's right.  

He says he'll "come with".  It's so much fun to have him on a  handout, and the recipients seem to find it fun, too.  

It's going to go mauling

Ugh.  I figured out, I was in a really bad mood.  Then I thought, in a very self-pitying fashion, "Everyone's entitled to a bad day".  I realized about then; this is illness talking.  Did I take all my meds?

I know I did the morning stuff, and noon - oops.


So, I got that (I can take a missed dose with the next one, per doc - ask your doc if you have questions) just now.

It's like my illness is like the vicious pit bull down the road.  It's fine - if it is confined and restricted by medication.  God forbid you let it out, it's going to go mauling.

Fortunately, I only barked a little, and that with a person I'll probably never see again.  But, had my levels been right, I doubt I would have cared.

Why am I leaving the post up?  To show my thoughts; when my meds aren't right.  Ugly.  It has a pretty good basis, but the intensity and persistence are all wrong.

I believe that's what happened with my maternal grandmother.  When she felt she was wronged, she never forgave.  She brooded about injustice for long periods of time, decades, even.

Example, she was very poor.  Her mother couldn't afford to feed all the children, and arranged for an aunt to come and adopt Hopie, my grandmother.

When the aunt came out, she fell in love with the little sister, and adopted her instead.  Hopie never forgave her for that, especially as she ended up in an orphanage.

Sigh.  And she died all alone, having run us all off.  Me?  Well, she had a big blowup with my mother about the time of my birth.  Since I came - after - I was tainted and on the hate list.

It didn't help much when she found I'd married a black man.  She doesn't like inter-racial marriage, or people of any color but white.  She lost out on a loving granddaughter, one with an absolutely clean slate , a new person to learn about and love.

Nope. She tore up the letter I wrote and made it CLEAR I was dead to her.

One time my sister confided in me.  She was having a hard time with Hopie.

"She thinks you're dead, Heather.  That Ron killed you.  Do you want me to let her know you're still alive?"

I thought about it, sent up a quick prayer.


I don't want to be that person.  It's awful.

Setting boundaries

Ugh.  I hate stupid neighbor dramas.

Happily, I haven't had problems with the kids.  I think the parents got them in an after-school program.  Smart, especially since they have a vicious pit bull on two sides, and their youngest boy likes to rip boards off the fence.

However, when I first moved in, any visitor to the guy's house felt like my entire property was community property.  One memorable time, I came home with Ron, to find an entire group of people hanging out in my driveway, on the front lawn, parked blocking the driveway, and parked on the street in front of the house.

Ron says I go "Mama bear".  Especially when, due to someone else, he has to struggle un-necessarily.  He had a heck of a time getting to the driveway, and up the driveway, when the vehicle should have been able to drop him at the foot.

I was not medicated.  I went out blazing.  I started yelling at them to get off my property and they just played "No Speaka English".  In fact, one guy started bringing MORE chairs onto my property.

I went nuts. I yelled I'M CALLING THE COPS.  Someone got the homeowner and he acted like "What's the problem?"  He got a good look at Ron struggling to get up the driveway and started yelling in Spanish.  He knows if that happens again, I'm going straight to calling the police.

Then I had a problem with the sister blocking my driveway.  She drops her son off for daycare every day.  There's a lot of parking on both sides of the street, but I guess they perceive it as "more convenient" to block my driveway, parking.  Then she'd get out and yak at her sister in law for half an hour or so.

I had to run her off several times, when Metrolift came and had nowhere to park.  They finally understood it was NOT OK to block my driveway, which a police officer had told me is a violation of the law.  If I want to block my own driveway, fine, but someone else can't do it.

Today, I had some guy blocking my driveway.  At first, I just looked out the window now and then.  Dark times, you know.

He could tell I was watching him.

Now, on the other side, the neighbors are not fantastic.  They have junk cars taking up 2 parking spots in their driveway, and occasionally park a "good" vehicle in front of my house.  I have no problem with that.  The street is public property.  In front of my driveway, is not.  I wouldn't have had a problem if he had parked in front of my house.

I still would have watched him, though.

Anyway, something stank in the garbage, and I remembered, "Garbage night".  I had to take out the trash.  I wanted that guy off my property.  Why not combine both?

So, I went out, taking the can.  What bugs me, at first he was all set to move, but then stopped.  I walked up and looked in his window.  He turned the other way.  I tapped on the window.  He rolled it down.  I pointed at all the parking across the street, and up just 10 feet, in front of the house he was waiting on... and he said "What?"

"Can you move, please?"  He said yes, but he didn't until the neighbor got home a minute later.


Ron agreed with me.  Next time, I'll send HIM out.  His culture are very superstitious about disabled people.  They get really freaked out of a blind person touches them, or their car.   I mean, grown men panic.  Mothers of children get hysterical if their kid even bumps the wheelchair, or Ron if he's "walking".

If I don't set boundaries, in a week or two I'd come home and find 40 of them in my yard, again.   Agh.

I mean, who pays the mortgage?   Do they even know our name?

Oh, and I wouldn't be such a shrew about it if someone had come and ASKED PERMISSION.  "Hey, can we park in front of your driveway, in the evening, when we get our kid?"  Sure, go ahead.

But to just take it is very rude, and will get you run off.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Good Boy!

I read this when I was a little girl.  Someday 

I always felt so bad for the poor computer.  The kids beat it and cursed it.

I told myself I would never do that to any kind of equipment.

I have a very old washer (over 10 years).  It has a problem with the spin cycle.  Sometimes it fails to engage.  Tonight, as I opened it, I viewed nicely spun laundry pressed against the walls of the drum.

GOOD BOY!  I praised, as I patted the machine affectionately.  I do that with everything.

A customer caught my closing a soda machine.  I have serviced it for over 10 years.  It's a beauty, it seldom has any errors.  As I closed it, I said GOOD BOY and petted it.  I heard a snicker from the customer.

I service a total of 9 machines, directly.  I have TWO of the oldest machines in the program.

When I work on them, I talk to them, and I always tell them they're doing a good job.

One some deep level, I believe they are sentient and appreciate the nurturing.

I do have, two of the oldest machines, in the program.  We also have a  very low repair bill.

You can draw your own conclusions.

It's hard to be crazy

Last night, as I tried to sleep, I heard music.

The annoying thing, many times, at night, I hear music.

This is my life.  I lie there, tossing back and forth.  Is it real?  Is it, what we euphemistically refer to as a "Seagull" (hallucination), in my house?  How many years will I wonder if the music is real!?

I felt fine, so I didn't think it was a hallucination.  Generally they run with anxiety and paranoia.  Didn't have them.  Just mild annoyance and long-suffering.  Pain.

It is awful to doubt what you perceive to be real.  Ron has a moderate hearing loss, so I couldn't verify with him even if he had been awake.

I just lay there, wondering... I used the experience to remind me to call Doc and get more Haldol (he only wrote me a month's worth).  I decided to believe a neighbor had turned on some music, and I went to sleep.

Today was a good day at work.  We got a new coin counter.  I plugged it on the surge protector (very important to have surge protectors).  I didn't hear anything that wasn't there, and Doc called in a 3 month refill on my Haldol.

After work, which went very well, we went to Walmart.  I had just enough time to make my deposit and buy groceries (I like their diet yogurt).  I bought Ron his favorite chicken from the deli, ate, and took my lithium.

That's one thing the reality issues do: remind me to take everything on a tight schedule.

We got home, and I went to take a nap.  And there's the music again.  AGH.

Fast forward a few hours.  Ron is looking for the cat.  I open the garage door, and there's the music.

See, the back of the garage is a shared wall with my bedroom.  My head is very near that wall, when I'm in bed!

I had an alarm clock-radio in there.  It was on, for some ungodly reason.

I immediately stormed in and unplugged it.

That probably explains all the "hearing music" issues for the last year or so.  I seldom go in the garage.

AGH.  It's hard to be crazy.

Ron understands me well: "This is going in your blog".  You bet.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Tuesday Chicken Special

Sorry, I missed a couple of days.

Cue excuses: busy.  We've been really busy at work this week.  I finally got a Day Out.

It turns out it's a good thing I broke my toe.  We had a bus-stop rapist.  They caught him this week.  That's the nice thing about being laid up at home, sick and with a broken toe, I wasn't out on the bus.

However, all my bus stops are in very populated areas.  Chivalry is not dead in Texas, and I have a little surprise for bad guys.

I was happy I could do some nice things for people.  Jesus says, don't talk about your good deeds (I am not good at that), so I'll just say I was glad I could help in small ways.

So, I worked every day but Tuesday.  Tuesday I had a Day Out.  Ron swears he loves to give me rides, and his love language IS acts of service.  So, I had him take me to Walmart, come home, Starbucks, and he went home by himself.

By leaving me there, he saved me an hour bus transit, and 2 bus rides.  I went to Academy sports and got a few summer clothes, some warmup shorts, and a tshirt.

I also ran off copies of Ron's latest tract, and found a water proof envelope I can use for storing my Bible in my backpack.  Backpack Bibles have a hard time; it's an abusive environment.  It's worked very well.

I also recopied all the prayer notes for my God time (several double sided pages), and made a backup folder, which also lives in my backpack.  I wasn't done yet!

My heels were a little tender, but not my toe, thank God.  The next day my calves were a little tender but not much.  It's been a while since I did that much walking.

I went to make a deposit.  I had saved some change in a jar, and turned it into cash.  The cash went into my account and then to a charity.  I looked around, not my favorite grocery store.

Ron had asked me to get the Tuesday Chicken Special.  2 pieces of dark meat for $1.  I got him, as requested, 3 specials.  I also got a mild special for the driver.  She said no, so when I got home I ate a piece and Ron gave the other one to the cat.  He took off the skin and deboned it, then fed it.

Ron ate all 3 specials (amazing he is still about 160 pounds), and fell into a deep sleep, snoring loudly.  He was pretty cute.  Mr Cat loved his chicken.

I ate a thigh.  It was pretty good.  It's kind of a joke, I only want chicken at a certain phase in my cycle.  The rest of the time I hate chicken.

I'm down another pound, even though I have eaten really bad things this week.  Yesterday we went to the computer store, had a problem with the PC.  He fixed it.  Paratransit wasn't coming for another hour. So, we ordered a pizza.  It felt like a party, me, Ron and the owner all eating slices, offering them to customers, etc.  It was fun.

Today I got online with the fixed computer and filed the overdue accounting report.

Our boss came out, we had a good visit.  He is bringing us new equipment tomorrow (would have been a day off).

Oh, and I bought something I had wanted for a long while.  Purple rubber bands.  I use them at work, and since I bought them why not?  I love purple.  I really enjoyed using them.

I got a request at work, one I could stock.  My snack machines, finally, look fantastic.  Ron has been good about getting me my inventory.

Oh, and I got a sponsor, who sent me over a case of Bibles.  I'm doing a handout on Tuesday.

Sunday, March 11, 2012


Finally starting to feel better; still some pain, but better.

One thing I find fascinating; I'm not hungry.  Getting rid of the risperdal promises to be a great thing.

Even my sweat pants are getting a little looser.

Mood is OK, mostly depressed with a little mania in there.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Sick Day

I was a pretty sickly kid.  In my memories, I was always running around with some kind of colds, and the flus I caught caused my parents a lot of anxiety.

I ALWAYS got sick around Christmas.  When truly ill, I never wanted to eat.  One of my herb books says fasting like that is a good thing.  I just slept a lot, bored when awake, and eventually better and back to school.

Happily, I seldom get sick now.  I attribute a lot of it to my diet and the rest to a boosted immune system, thanks to Lithium.  I had the flu in 2006; and a cold a year or two back, but that's it.

Why all the sick talk?  Well, I have a bladder infection.  Doc said it wasn't too bad as these things go.  I like to think I did a good job managing it.  Lots and lots of fluids.  No sugar.  Nothing too acidic.

Yesterday, I had to run some errands.  Last night a strange cat kept howling outside the door.  I finally got up.  As I was taking the weatherstripping out of the front door, I thought, "I'm going to open this door, and some monster - NOT a cat - is going to eat my face!"  I did it anyway.  Sure enough, a gray and white tabby - pretty well fed.  I yelled at it and waved the broom.  It took off.  Later on, around 5 AM, it came back.  This time Bubba made all the racket, looking out the back door.  I opened the door and told Bubba to "sic 'em".  He chased it off; I haven't seen it again.

Bubba wants to be an only cat.  He's made that clear.  I'll respect that.

Bubba isn't just a pet, he's my buddy, and Ron's, too.  I wouldn't bring another husband into my home any more than I would bring another cat.  It would upset Bubba.

My job is making the cat happy.  He says I do a good job.  [grin]  He's been really cute sleeping with me the last couple days.  He's not a cuddler, but he will sleep near me, in the bed.

When I got up around 6 I took it easy.  I've read a few inspirational romance novels.  I'm about done, there.  I had a good long nap.  Took my antibiotic, mood-stabilizer, antidepressant, vitamins, antipsychotic, and urinary pain reliever.  I didn't die.

My poor liver.

Tomorrow, back to work.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

You're a very fun patient

My bladder is still killing me, but I got a decent night's sleep.  I did get into the generic urinary pain pills when I got up today.

We had to go downtown and get my backpack (and HALDOL!), so we did that.  I had to pee.

My uncle works at a large office building on the tunnel system.  Houston has a wonderful set of underground tunnels.  It's like an underground mall.  However, they aren't fans of the public bathroom.  Apparently, everyone goes back to the office to pee.

So there I am, walking all over the tunnel system.  Go over there.  The restaurant has a bathroom.  No, it didn't.  Go upstairs, there's a bathroom.  No, there isn't.  Oh, you need to walk across the street and ask the security guard.

I just knew, if I wasn't on my medication, I'd be sobbing.  I had to pee, so badly.  My bladder was completely distended, with sharp, jabbing, pains.  I finally went back to Ron (took a while to find my way back through the tunnels!), and went upstairs to my uncle's building.

I told Ron to extend his "blind man cane" and look tragic.  I found a security guard, and cheerfully told him he could help prevent a terrible medical emergency, by directing me to a bathroom.  He told me I had to take the elevator, and "walk across the building".  Cry with me, here.

Praise God I finally did find the toilet.  Of course the urinary painkiller made the bowl look hideous, like some horrible crime scene.  Then I had a minute figuring out the auto-flush.  Finally, back to Ron and outside for our ride.

We went home, and ate lunch.  Ron was exhausted.  Would I mind if he called me a cab instead of taking me to the doctor?  I didn't mind.

Frankly, I was worried I'd have to ride forever, needing to urinate.  Better to get a straight trip.  A cab came pretty quick, he knew us, and took me straight.

I got there 45 minutes early, but I had 2 romance novels, my kindle, 2 refillable water bottles, and my backpack.  I know waiting rooms.

I've seen doc before:

I really enjoyed his matter-of-fact attitude towards my mental illness.  A lot of doctors get very stiff and fearful.

Dude, I take my pills.  Nothing to worry about!

This guy is great, definitely worth the wait.  He was pretty busy but I read my book.  He said my urine test came back infected, but not too bad.  He wrote me a prescription and we talked a little.  He got my psychiatrists' number, so he can make referrals.

I liked the fact that I know macrolide antibiotics interact with my Haldol, and so did Doc.  As I left, he said "You've been a very fun patient".

Thank you!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Galveston Bladder Infection

I'm back!  For obvious security reasons, I don't talk about trips to Galveston until I'm back.

I had lunch with Mom, Dad, and other assorted family on Sunday.  Monday morning, I took my bag and two folding chairs to work.  Dad picked us up after work and we went to Galveston.

[Monday night I started having some bladder irritation]

We had a great time just riding around, got ice cream, and spent a lot of time on the Seawall.  You know I fed the seagulls.  I had a good time.

So did Ron.  I thought it was cute, he was upset he had forgotten to bring tracts.

Mom got some great shots, and boy, the camera sees everything.  I will proudly use those as my "before" photos one day.

The Haldol is working great, but it "activates" me - like a cup of coffee, so we switched it to mornings.  It really wakes me up.  I noticed I don't have any noise in my head, weird thoughts and all.  It's great.  The other stuff was good, but I still had some "volume".  Now, it's OFF.

Praise God, and I mean that sincerely.  No nausea!  I also find it interesting, I don't have much of an appetite either.  Now, the Risperdal can affect blood sugar, and I think it was.  I think, on my current regime, I'll lose some weight as long as I eat intelligently.

Anyway, Tuesday we drove back to Houston.  I left my backpack, and most of my medication, in the trunk.  Agh.  Not only that, Ron left his talking book machine.  We should be getting them back tomorrow.

Now, back to my regularly scheduled bladder-infection-water-chugging contest.  I see my primary doc tomorrow - he's good, and I love him to death.  He isn't WEIRD about the mental illness, just practical.

Most of the regular doctors I have met, have been very weird about my illness.  It's hard to find one who's practical.

Oh, and my title?  I got a bladder infection the last time I went to Galveston, and I didn't even get in the water, either time!

Scattered Shower

I didn't sleep well.  I was happy, though, when I kicked my foot out, only to end up in fur.  Torbie had joined me in the bed for a cudd...