Showing posts from March, 2012

Cat Hole

I don't feel I did a lot for the evangelism today.

The first driver, we'd already gotten.  The second one didn't seem to like me and I perceived she'd be hostile.

I did hand out some Driver Candy to the Chinese food delivery guy.  He likes me.  I give him Chinese scripture booklets (I love World Missionary Press) in bags of candy.  He loves it.

If I were advising someone on an easy way to start evangelizing, I'd suggest that - when you get food delivered, give them a good tip, and a scripture booklet, or tract, in a bag of candy.

We had a couple of guys out today.  A lot of work on the valve.  I don't pretend to understand.  We have a new tub fixture sticking out of the wall.  It works.  It doesn't leak.  Yay!

They covered up the "cat hole" with drywall and screwed that in.  Bubba is really disappointed.  He liked that hole.  He loved to squirm in there and go exploring inside the wall.  Then they did some tile work.  I expected plain tile; t…

Pray for the recipients.

Someone recently mentioned it might be fun for me to do a Bible Handout update here.

So, just for fun, here we go (I am really tired tonight).  We had 3 drivers.  All of them new to us.  Each driver got a "Done Up" Bible - Bible with "Where to Look in the New Testament", tract, Ron's tract, and a nice greeting card letting them know I am praying for them daily.

I handed out one to each driver, and one to the teller at the bank.  I already got the people at the credit union and handing things out at work is tricky.

So, today, grand total of 4.

Still battling mild depression (mild with medication).  Ron and I mailed the quarterly property tax payments and some paperwork to the mortgage company.  It didn't believe we were making payments and we had to send proof.

I did meter readings (accountability function), and noticed I am a lot more alert these days.  The Haldol is really a wonderful medication for me.  My thoughts are very even and level, no paranoi…

Pretty toxic

Pretty tired today.  I got pretty toxic this morning.  Not fun.

Still battling the depression, but hopefully not for long.  We got some rain so I got out of watering the garden, and the sod out front.

I also gave some Bibles to someone else to hand out (I still hand out my own).  He was really happy.

That's it for tonight, I'm beat.

"Why I was an Atheist" - Ron tract

I'm guessing that the average person doesn't believe in God, because: They would have to make a change, in what they do, say, and think!  Who wants to! I basically like who I am, because I'm not that bad! Also, I don't like anyone telling me how to think, and what to say, and not say! What do I get if I believe in God? Evil people are all around me, and they seem to be doing just fine! Revelation 21-4 says we will live forever, in a beautiful place, with no more pain, tears, or suffering! Sounds good to me, what about you!  Great trade! Let's be blunt!  He created sex and the orgasm, but He wants us to have them under certain conditions, to protect our health and safety! Do you wanna hurt and be sad?  No! How about a world with no money or endless, unpayable bills! What profit does one have, if he has a billion dollars, but can't get out of his hospital bed! What if you have all the money in the world, but you're extremely sick all the time! We really think we don't…

"Why I didn't Believe" - a Ron tract.

Why I didn't believe in God for so long!
Every so-called Christian I ever met, was a plastic holier than thou person! They all acted like their bathroom mess didn't stink, like mine! They acted like they knew they were going to Heaven, but I, the evil sinner, was definitely going to Hell! And maybe, if I scraped and scrounged and begged enough, I might go to Heaven too, but, only if I was as good as they were! They acted like I had to EARN my way to Heaven! It had nothing to do with a guy named Jesus, who was beaten, and died for my bad stuff, so I wouldn't have to get a whipping! He suffered, so I didn't have to!  Why?  I don't know! They say He loves us, but I couldn't!  We are just too bad! Some so-called Christians act like we have to be worthy to go to the good place! They don't seem to understand that even if we did our best, it would be like dirty diapers to HIM! Why are they keeping this important news a big secret? Does acting like they are   better than us, ma…

Don't eat sugar, Heather.

So how is my mood anyway?

Well, I realized last week, when I got snarly over someone parking in front of my house, that I needed to look at my lithium.  I'm on a higher dose now.

Mood wise?  I am fantastic.  I'm not running around paranoid and snarly.  I'm not really up or down, unless I eat sugar.  Then I'm reminded that a vicious depression lurks at the end of EVERY month (about the 15 to the 30th).

I adore the Haldol.  I have no nausea, and no perceptible side effects.  It's a good teammate for the lithium.

I get the odd hot flash from the Wellbutrin but that's it, and I still get somewhat nauseous when I forget to eat.  I have been eating terribly, by the way.  Stress eating over the remodel.

Of course my feet hated that, and the plantar fasciitis started yelling at me again.  Don't eat sugar, Heather.  It ruins my mood and my body.

So, the mood is great, about as good as I think I can get.  Especially considering all the stress.  

However, I'…

When the guys went home.

This is what it looked like when the guys went home.  Isn't it a million times better?

Demolition Day.

When the home was inspected, we were told "The tiles will need to be replaced, eventually".

We were also quite angry to find a can of termite insecticide in the yard, when the owner's disclosure clearly stated they DID NOT ever have a termite problem.  We almost pulled out of the sale.

We didn't care if they HAD a termite issue.  The fact that they lied about it to cover it up?  Infuriating.

Years ago, Ron lost his balance and fell in the tub, hitting his head on the soap dish.  He literally put his head through the wall, which turned out to have the wrong drywall.  We had a horrifying vision of soggy, improper, drywall, rotted wall studs, and a very large bill in the future.  The studs were so bad, our handyman had to mount the patch to the tub.

The only grace - if the wall had been sound, Ron would have probably died.  He hit his head directly on the soap dish.   The wall had the structural integrity of toast, though, and easily gave under his weight.

Ron has …

What is it with the vampire/werewolf love triangles?

I recently watched the "Twilight" movie.  I watched the clock, as well.  I made it to 12 minutes before I changed the channel.  I just found it wooden and unexciting.  Some cool makeup and special effects, at least.

If you know the author, you may be surprised to learn, back in the late 90's (in my backslidden days), I was a Laurell Hamilton fan.  Boy, she wrote some books.

It was set in a dark, dystopian world.  One in which all our fiction is truly fact.  It had great promise.  Some horrible violence, but the bad guy usually got it in the end.

The series became increasingly pornographic, and even this (at that point backslidden) Christian drew the line at a particular sex scene.  This article is accurate.  Wikipedia link

She lost plot development, for pornography.  Porn that even the sex addicts would reject.

So, I got rid of the books I had, and stopped buying new ones.  Too bad.  The character was very tough, but likable.

One feature of the series: Anita had two…

Side note

Anyone "unreached", reading this, may be wondering why I'm not writing a long reply to Jonathon, explaining and "defending" my faith.  Well, it doesn't need defending.

How many posts have I written?  Well over a thousand.  If you can't glean the essence of my faith from over a thousand posts, I might as well delete the blog.

I pity you.  I pray for you.  I wonder what gets you up in the morning.  I wonder how you view a loved one's death.

I don't hate you, fear you, or worry what you think.  God calls me to love.


Today's toilet drama

So, more post-handout drama.

I checked my bank balance.  It had that horrible RED number.  I only get the red number with a negative balance.


I examined the statement.  I get electronic statements, daily.  Thank God.  Ah!  Got it!  TWO charges for the Spanish Bibles.  Unfortunately, the Bible Distributor was closed.  I'll call them Bible Guys.

I had a hard time falling asleep, wondering about overdrafts, shortfalls, etc.  I finally decided, this is spiritual warfare.  If I'm getting whipped, I'm going to fight back.

Cue FERVENT prayer for the recipients, unreached, and donors.  Major, massive, prayer.  I felt better and slept great.

I couldn't even remember what had me upset when I woke up after a good nights' sleep.  Then I did.  Checked the account.  Still screwed.

I told Ron.  He is very good at handling customer service phone issues.  I asked him if he'd help.  He was delighted.

You have to look at it from his perspective.  Like any man, he wan…

I'm going to evangelize!

At some point, I just have to laugh.

Last time I did the handout, and we had broken vending equipment, a broken toe, and a bladder infection.

Last night, I checked my bank account.  It had a negative balance.  I researched.  My Bible supplier had apparently double-billed me.  I was quite upset.

I decided, with my learning disability, I didn't want to spend a lot of time on the phone managing.  I referred it to Ron, who was happy to help.  It took him over an hour on the phone.

Bible Guy:  It is the bank's fault.
Bank Guy: It is Bible Guy's fault.

Anyway, they finally talked to each other and got it sorted out.  I'm SUPPOSED to get my refund, tomorrow.  ACK.

We finally got the toilet part, but we need washers.  We are currently flushing with a  bucket of water (about a gallon does it).  [laughing quietly]  Yeah.

Work?  Horribly slow.  Horribly, depressingly, alarmingly, slow.  I pray it picks up.

After work, they rode us around town for 2 hours, before taking u…

So what about the Bible Handout?

Nothing makes me panic, like a plumbing problem involving rushing water.  Especially if I don't have a way to turn it off.  I feel so helpless and victimized, as I hear the rushing sound that says "Heather, you are paying for every drop!"  
Happily, the sinkhole issue was repaired yesterday.  I had a lot of anxiety we'd have another broken water pipe, but the meter reader alerted the water company and they sent out their crew.  They spent hours fixing the sinkhole and replacing all the pipes, leaving me a beautiful, hole-free front yard.  
Thank you, Lord.  I felt very safe and protected.  
I always expect problems around a Bible handout; so last night, when I went in the bathroom and found the water running madly, in the toilet, I had to laugh.  Then, I tried to turn off the water to the toilet and had even more rushing water from the shut off valve.  
Ron was asleep.  I almost screamed in frustration.  I left the water supply on - I had to.  I didn't have a key to …

It's going to go mauling

Ugh.  I figured out, I was in a really bad mood.  Then I thought, in a very self-pitying fashion, "Everyone's entitled to a bad day".  I realized about then; this is illness talking.  Did I take all my meds?

I know I did the morning stuff, and noon - oops.


So, I got that (I can take a missed dose with the next one, per doc - ask your doc if you have questions) just now.

It's like my illness is like the vicious pit bull down the road.  It's fine - if it is confined and restricted by medication.  God forbid you let it out, it's going to go mauling.

Fortunately, I only barked a little, and that with a person I'll probably never see again.  But, had my levels been right, I doubt I would have cared.

Why am I leaving the post up?  To show my thoughts; when my meds aren't right.  Ugly.  It has a pretty good basis, but the intensity and persistence are all wrong.

I believe that's what happened with my maternal grandmother.  When she felt …

Setting boundaries

Ugh.  I hate stupid neighbor dramas.

Happily, I haven't had problems with the kids.  I think the parents got them in an after-school program.  Smart, especially since they have a vicious pit bull on two sides, and their youngest boy likes to rip boards off the fence.

However, when I first moved in, any visitor to the guy's house felt like my entire property was community property.  One memorable time, I came home with Ron, to find an entire group of people hanging out in my driveway, on the front lawn, parked blocking the driveway, and parked on the street in front of the house.

Ron says I go "Mama bear".  Especially when, due to someone else, he has to struggle un-necessarily.  He had a heck of a time getting to the driveway, and up the driveway, when the vehicle should have been able to drop him at the foot.

I was not medicated.  I went out blazing.  I started yelling at them to get off my property and they just played "No Speaka English".  In fact, o…

Good Boy!

I read this when I was a little girl.  Someday

I always felt so bad for the poor computer.  The kids beat it and cursed it.

I told myself I would never do that to any kind of equipment.

I have a very old washer (over 10 years).  It has a problem with the spin cycle.  Sometimes it fails to engage.  Tonight, as I opened it, I viewed nicely spun laundry pressed against the walls of the drum.

GOOD BOY!  I praised, as I patted the machine affectionately.  I do that with everything.

A customer caught my closing a soda machine.  I have serviced it for over 10 years.  It's a beauty, it seldom has any errors.  As I closed it, I said GOOD BOY and petted it.  I heard a snicker from the customer.

I service a total of 9 machines, directly.  I have TWO of the oldest machines in the program.

When I work on them, I talk to them, and I always tell them they're doing a good job.

One some deep level, I believe they are sentient and appreciate the nurturing.

I do have, two of the oldest m…

It's hard to be crazy

Last night, as I tried to sleep, I heard music.

The annoying thing, many times, at night, I hear music.

This is my life.  I lie there, tossing back and forth.  Is it real?  Is it, what we euphemistically refer to as a "Seagull" (hallucination), in my house?  How many years will I wonder if the music is real!?

I felt fine, so I didn't think it was a hallucination.  Generally they run with anxiety and paranoia.  Didn't have them.  Just mild annoyance and long-suffering.  Pain.

It is awful to doubt what you perceive to be real.  Ron has a moderate hearing loss, so I couldn't verify with him even if he had been awake.

I just lay there, wondering... I used the experience to remind me to call Doc and get more Haldol (he only wrote me a month's worth).  I decided to believe a neighbor had turned on some music, and I went to sleep.

Today was a good day at work.  We got a new coin counter.  I plugged it on the surge protector (very important to have surge protec…

Tuesday Chicken Special

Sorry, I missed a couple of days.

Cue excuses: busy.  We've been really busy at work this week.  I finally got a Day Out.

It turns out it's a good thing I broke my toe.  We had a bus-stop rapist.  They caught him this week.  That's the nice thing about being laid up at home, sick and with a broken toe, I wasn't out on the bus.

However, all my bus stops are in very populated areas.  Chivalry is not dead in Texas, and I have a little surprise for bad guys.

I was happy I could do some nice things for people.  Jesus says, don't talk about your good deeds (I am not good at that), so I'll just say I was glad I could help in small ways.

So, I worked every day but Tuesday.  Tuesday I had a Day Out.  Ron swears he loves to give me rides, and his love language IS acts of service.  So, I had him take me to Walmart, come home, Starbucks, and he went home by himself.

By leaving me there, he saved me an hour bus transit, and 2 bus rides.  I went to Academy sports and g…


Finally starting to feel better; still some pain, but better.

One thing I find fascinating; I'm not hungry.  Getting rid of the risperdal promises to be a great thing.

Even my sweat pants are getting a little looser.

Mood is OK, mostly depressed with a little mania in there.

Sick Day

I was a pretty sickly kid.  In my memories, I was always running around with some kind of colds, and the flus I caught caused my parents a lot of anxiety.

I ALWAYS got sick around Christmas.  When truly ill, I never wanted to eat.  One of my herb books says fasting like that is a good thing.  I just slept a lot, bored when awake, and eventually better and back to school.

Happily, I seldom get sick now.  I attribute a lot of it to my diet and the rest to a boosted immune system, thanks to Lithium.  I had the flu in 2006; and a cold a year or two back, but that's it.

Why all the sick talk?  Well, I have a bladder infection.  Doc said it wasn't too bad as these things go.  I like to think I did a good job managing it.  Lots and lots of fluids.  No sugar.  Nothing too acidic.

Yesterday, I had to run some errands.  Last night a strange cat kept howling outside the door.  I finally got up.  As I was taking the weatherstripping out of the front door, I thought, "I'm goin…

You're a very fun patient

My bladder is still killing me, but I got a decent night's sleep.  I did get into the generic urinary pain pills when I got up today.

We had to go downtown and get my backpack (and HALDOL!), so we did that.  I had to pee.

My uncle works at a large office building on the tunnel system.  Houston has a wonderful set of underground tunnels.  It's like an underground mall.  However, they aren't fans of the public bathroom.  Apparently, everyone goes back to the office to pee.

So there I am, walking all over the tunnel system.  Go over there.  The restaurant has a bathroom.  No, it didn't.  Go upstairs, there's a bathroom.  No, there isn't.  Oh, you need to walk across the street and ask the security guard.

I just knew, if I wasn't on my medication, I'd be sobbing.  I had to pee, so badly.  My bladder was completely distended, with sharp, jabbing, pains.  I finally went back to Ron (took a while to find my way back through the tunnels!), and went upstairs…

The Galveston Bladder Infection

I'm back!  For obvious security reasons, I don't talk about trips to Galveston until I'm back.

I had lunch with Mom, Dad, and other assorted family on Sunday.  Monday morning, I took my bag and two folding chairs to work.  Dad picked us up after work and we went to Galveston.

[Monday night I started having some bladder irritation]

We had a great time just riding around, got ice cream, and spent a lot of time on the Seawall.  You know I fed the seagulls.  I had a good time.

So did Ron.  I thought it was cute, he was upset he had forgotten to bring tracts.

Mom got some great shots, and boy, the camera sees everything.  I will proudly use those as my "before" photos one day.

The Haldol is working great, but it "activates" me - like a cup of coffee, so we switched it to mornings.  It really wakes me up.  I noticed I don't have any noise in my head, weird thoughts and all.  It's great.  The other stuff was good, but I still had some "volume…

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