Tuesday, June 30, 2015

"Merciful" a tale of 3 women

I have tried not to hear too much about the first woman.  She was disabled, in a group home, and left in a hot car to die.  They "found other injuries". 

The second woman tried to do everything for her quadraplegic mother, at home.  It ended her marriage.  The day her husband said he was leaving, she murdered her mother.  Ultimate caregiver burnout. 

Then you have me. 

I am not a proponent of group homes.  Maybe I just see "the dregs".  Maybe only the worst and most terrible group homes use the paratransit service.  I don't know.  But what I do see is horrific.  Unwashed, unfed, in dirty diapers.  Bad behavior.  Warehousing.  I look at the residents and think, I was expected to put Ron somewhere like that?   And I'm crazy, because I said no? 

I can't think of anyone I hate enough to put in a group home.  And they're big business, $30-50K a year, per resident. 

One of our drivers complained very bitterly, to us, one day.  He had always admired the "big brick houses" in our subdivision (we live in a small clapboard bungalow), tried to buy one, and was rejected because he wanted to turn it into a group home.  Thank God for deed restrictions. 

Yes, I am a NIMBY.  Not In My Back Yard.  Years ago, some people with a learning disabled child rented #2.  The kid was always in my yard, destructive, banging on my door at all hours, and bothering my cats.  We had to talk to the parents, repeatedly.  I can only imagine 7 or 8 of them. 

I understand, sometimes you don't have a choice.  My own in laws are in a nursing home.  My father in law has severe dementia, no one can handle him.  My mother in law has severe mobility issues, psychiatric issues, and a complicated medical case.  In spite of that, I would have tried to care for her, if Ron had not had his accident.  I am also unable to drive, also a huge setback. 

As it was, the choice wasn't ours to make.  Ron wasn't even consulted.  I have asked him if he wants to visit, he says no, he'd rather remember them the way he was, and they disowned him anyway.  I don't argue.  I would at least go and try to make their lives a little better, if I thought they'd want to see me. 

I know better, especially since I fought so hard to keep Ron out of a nursing home, even, at one point, yelling "Why don't you shoot him, then, it's a lot more merciful!"  

I won't throw rocks.  If someone's in a group home, that's between their family and God.  In my case I resolved to do whatever I could, in my power, to care for Ron myself.

At the end of it, it was simple: he did better when I was around.  He loves me.  I make him happy.  He still does better when I'm around. 

I do accept help, however.  I accept rides on paratransit.  I am a participant in a job program.  I accept help from the other vendors, cab drivers, church members, sponsors, blog readers, message board buddies (one gave me this computer!), and business from my customers.

I accept a lot of help.  I know I can't do "everything" on my own.  I would burn out, assuming I could even do everything, which I can't.  

However, a lot of women (like the one who burned out and murdered her mother), think they have to do it all on their own.  You can't.  You absolutely cannot. 

I have even, when necessary, left home and stayed with family for a few days, for my own safety, and Ron's, during drinking binges.  I'm sure some thought I was "horrible" but I have to protect myself.  If he won't protect me I will protect myself.  My aunt made sure I had a "good visit". 

If you are a caregiver, you have to accept help.  Yes, I am a proud woman, but hopefully becoming less so every day.   Does that mean I take Ron out on medians, begging?  No.  Does it mean I am always looking for a handout?  No!  I DO Handouts, I don't take them.  LOL 

I do accept help when appropriate.  I'm only one woman, and a badly disabled one at that.  If the cart attendant wants to help me load the truck, I accept.  If someone wants to hold the door, I smile and say thank you.  I only take what I need. 

Our yard guy would absolutely do all our work for free.  I have to "catch" him and drag Ron out, because he will only take the money from Ron's hand, if Ron "really" means it.  So I play the game and make sure the man gets paid, because he's working.  We can afford it. 

I want to be a good example of God's enablement shining through. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

Foul weather cat

I had a horrific migraine all yesterday, last night, and most of this morning. 

I did manage, yesterday, to watch a sermon online and do my God Time.  Torbie was very cuddly.  She's my foul-weather cat.  She just lives here when things are good, but when I'm in pain or depressed, she is the most loving cat imaginable. 

It's been my experience, old cats are like that. 

I didn't manage much, yesterday, not even a shower. 

I slept horribly and "had" to get up early to go to work at 4 AM.  I managed a shower, did my God Time later.  I was surprised my hair didn't look worse. 

I did have a horrific deodorant failure and did my best to avoid my customers.  I remember applying it, I don't know what went wrong. 

At work, I filled the machines, received 2 deliveries, including 50 cases of canned soda, put them away, stocked, helped Ron stock.  If I had to summarize my job in one word, it's "stock". 

Finally done.  I was exhausted, I'd slept terribly. 

I went home, ate some pizza, and took a nap.  I had very odd dreams but slept pretty well, even when #6's yard guys came by and did their work. 

I woke up with yet another headache, realizing the pizza was my trigger.  Ugh. 

It's not too bad, now, but I am pretty tired. 

We work tomorrow but not forever.  I really hope I can ENJOY my next day off. 

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Not a puker

Dreadful headache today. 

I haven't even taken a shower, or eaten, all day. 

That's a nasty one. 

Oh, well, at least it's not a puker. 

Saturday, June 27, 2015

On a totally different note (about my cycle if you are squeamish or have sex issues with such)

I recently bought a menstrual cup.  A couple of them, if you'll pardon a very bad pun. 

Why?  A couple reasons. 

Of late, my cycle has been very predictable, yet highly erratic.  The timing is perfect, literally every 28 days, with rare, day or two later, exceptions. 

How-ev-er.... the cycle itself was horrific.  I had what seemed like buckets of blood every month, using up entire boxes of female products in just a few days, just knowing the inevitable anemia was causing me yet more fatigue. 

I have to assume I could see all that again, given the "Right" circumstances.  It's a rather depressing thought. 

I also had severe hot flashes, exacerbated by my medication.  I do heavy manual labor, for a living.  That didn't help either and I worried they would think I was taking "illegals". 

I started taking phytoestrogens for the problem.  They are, basically, plant hormones.  I was hoping they would help with the migraines (but they didn't).  I have taken the Soy Phytoestrogens from Swanson Vitamins, and their Wild Yam formula (the cheap ones).  Within two cycles, I was back to a modest flow.  My last cycle was positively light.  Happy customer. 

I have also purchased Dong Quai (I alternate what I'm taking, use up a bottle, take something else, go to a third product when I finish #2).  I am certain it will be equally helpful, and maybe it just might help with those hormonal migraines. 

You can bet I will continue to take the supplements! 

But it got me thinking, obviously my hormones are a little whack.  I could go from a light cycle to a heavy one.  I have heard stories of weeks-long cycles towards the end of fertility. 

I can't afford that many tampons!   I don't have a cheap and simple way to determine if I'm even in menopause, or if so, how far along. 

I also believe we are in the end times.  As times get worse, I expect it will be harder to find "common" items like female products. 

Remember the "buckets of blood"?  That could be a problem.  

I did some research.  The cups are pretty simple.  They're a cup, that goes where it should.  It collects the fluid in the medical-grade silicone.  It is emptied as needed.

For my last cycle, I could have gone the "Every 12 hours".  During a "buckets" cycle, perhaps every few hours.  They are easily cleaned by various methods, including an unscented baby wipe, rinse under a faucet, or even boiling. 

I have to admit, I used the Instead 12 hour "disposable" cups, years ago.  I hated them.  I liked how they worked, liked the cup concept, liked the overall experience, but they pressed horribly on my urethra, causing tremendous pain and irritation.  I always felt like I had a raging bladder infection (I didn't, I went to the doctor over this). 

I figured they were all the same.  They're not.  The positioning is completely different, I doubt I will have that issue with these. 

If I'm wrong, you can bet I will write all about it. 


I find it ironic. 

Today I was castigated by one of the "rainbow people".  She had the flag over her face, as her profile photo.  I was called an F-ing B. and worse, because I said people who die in sin go to hell, and I don't want that. 

Ron said, "Hell scares her". 

"It should".  Was I offended?  No, a little weary.  Sometimes evangelism is like beating my head against a brick wall, as it curses me for doing so. 

If you call me an idiot in my comments section, do you really expect me to post it?  Or was it more, "like", a private comment? 

God talked about separating the wheat from the tares, or chaff.  From Wikipedia:
Wind winnowing is an agricultural method developed by ancient cultures for separating grain from chaff. It is also used to remove weevils or other pests from stored grain. Threshing, the loosening of grain or seeds from the husks and straw, is the step in the chaff-removal process that comes before winnowing.

In its simplest form it involves throwing the mixture into the air so that the wind blows away the lighter chaff, while the heavier grains fall back down for recovery. Techniques included using a winnowing fan (a shaped basket shaken to raise the chaff) or using a tool (a winnowing fork or shovel) on a pile of harvested grain.

Winnowing, separating two disparate items.  

I believe God is winnowing humanity.  Are you going to follow God's law, God's rule?  Or are you going to follow your own desires? 

The last several years have had several tests for Christians.  Do we please the world?  Or ourselves?  Believers are having to make harder and harder choices, while living under an increased threat of actual, physical, violence.

We are truly living in the End Times.  I hope some of this will live on in your head: after the rapture, after the bots come along and delete my blog, during the Tribulation.  I hope you will remember this, and remember it is only too late when you're dead, or you have taken the mark of the beast.

But that's another blog.   

Friday, June 26, 2015

I would have been really depressed

A few weeks ago, Chobani came out with a yogurt commercial, featuring lesbians in an "intimate" relationship, and eating the yogurt, I presume.

Today, I saw the brand, drastically discounted, at Walmart, from $1 each to 71 cents.  I chose to buy other brands that did not promote "the lifestyle", even though I am very cheap.

As a born again Christian living in what I believe to be an end times world, I don't often get a vote in current events, except election day.  Then the guy I voted for sleeps with the devil, or allows a mentally ill person to live in squalor until he commits suicide... but that's another story.

I do vote with my dollar, choosing, if at all possible, to avoid companies that overtly support an unBiblical lifestyle.  I give my money to the yogurt company with the nice young black man in the grocery store, talking about [gasp] the virtues of the yogurt! 

Sigh.  I don't know what we would do at work if one of the soda companies comes out in favor of the gay agenda.  Some items, we'd have to sell, but I wouldn't like it.  I am currently in that situation with General Mills.  They have a disgusting "Wholesome family" commercial with gay men holding their surrogate baby (they sure didn't make it with each other).  I have no problem with tattoo family, or interracial one... but I was Not Happy with the unBiblical guys, especially when I realized I could not remove General Mills products from the snack machines.  Grrr.

I just pray Yum Foods stands strong (they own Frito Lay, and Pepsi).  Coca Cola, I hope, but am not hopeful.  Dr Pepper, come on, you can hold the line.

As far as I'm concerned, a food company doesn't need to get political anyway.  Alcohol, vacations, I can see.

So.  The Big Ruling today.  I expected it.  As I told Ron, if we're living in the end times, they could only have one result.  They did.

I will add here, I learned in school: Justice interprets the law.  They don't write it, that's Congress' job.
I don't care who you sleep with; they screwed up.  They went way over the line.  Had they ruled like this on any other case the media would be in an uproar.

They are, but for all the wrong reasons.  Freedom becomes tyranny; you must think what I do, support my agendas, or I will punish you.

You probably think that's my line.  It's not.

Here's my view:
God wrote the laws about sex, in the Bible, to protect us.  I learned that to my deep pain after Ron's accident.  I didn't have any legal rights because we weren't legally married.

But Heather, you should understand, then.  Oh, I do.  That's why you get a medical power of attorney.  Ron thought his "family would take care of" me.  He was wrong, they took care of themselves.  I wanted what was best for Ron, they wanted what was best for themselves, and we ended up in direct opposition as a result. 

 God says the homosexual lifestyle is wrong.  He also says rape is wrong, child molestation, and sleeping with your mother in law.  I think we would agree.   God said we should keep our contracts and not try to screw people over in our business dealings (I read the Bible through at least once a year).  Also good.  People act like God's laws are all bad, and designed to confine and oppress us.


I'm not going to write a whole defense of Biblical sexuality.  Plenty abound.  My job's to share my opinion, my reactions, and move on to prayer for all those who need it.

1 Thessalonians 4  

New King James Version (NKJV)
Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.

So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.

Am I angry?


I am sad.  I am grieving for all the people, bound in sin, thinking they will go to heaven if they "try to be nice"

They won't.  
 (Romans 3:23New King James Version (NKJV)
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God)

How does anyone go to Heaven?  
(Isaiah 61:10
I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.)

Jesus covers me.  He's paid for my sin.

Salvation does have conditions:
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.

What does that mean?  Well, sit down, think about all the mistakes, all the bad things you've done.  That's your "Godly Sorrow".

Resolve not to do that, to turn from any active sins and to live a righteous (10 commandments) life.  Ask Jesus to save you.  He will.

Then go live as best you can, seeking God's will for you daily, reading your Bible every day, asking God to help you understand it.  Pray for everyone, not just your immediate friends and family.  Especially pray for the done-me-wrongs.  They are most important.  God will lead you to forgiveness.

That's how you end up in heaven.  That's how you end up raptured.

What is the rapture?  Well, the world is literally going to hell.

News flash: it is ONLY going to get WORSE.

However, before it gets "too bad" Jesus will "beam us out of here". 
For God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ,

More information on the rapture with lots of Bible verses.

So, today.  I heard about the ruling.  Wasn't surprised.  Reminded Ron we should expect if if we believe we are living in the end times.

"I would have been really depressed if they had ruled against". 

 We came home, went to Walmart.  He paid for my stuff, which I found endearing.  He's doing everything he can to show me he loves me (not that I care about the money).

I came home, put away my non-gay-agenda yogurt, ate a TV dinner and took a nap.  I was pretty tired, I had a good one.

I believe we, as a nation, are in for some kind of horrible "wrath" event.  Go to www.biblegateway.com  Type in "wrath".  See what comes up - NOTHING GOOD!

I expect some kind of imminent disaster.  I am certain.

You can say, oh, Heather, you're crazy.  What do you know?  Really?  I know what happens in the Bible when a nation turns away from God to follow it's own gods, it's own lusts.  God rains down judgement and allows Bad Things to happen.

So, for Houston, that could be anything, but probably a good idea to eat as much as possible out of that freezer!

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

I can't sell excuses

Oh, I'm tired. 

Knowing I'm depressed, I took my shower last night.  Properly medicated, I tend to have more energy and motivation in the evening. 

I find that frustrating, sometimes.  "My mood finally improved and now I have to go to bed".  However, if I take my mood stabilizers earlier in the day, I develop the IQ of a gnat.  That's a problem when I have to run a business! 

So, I took the shower, let my hair dry, and went to bed.  I slept in an hour later, causing Ron to panic.  He actually woke me up so I could take my shower, even though I told him last night. 

Or maybe I just smelled that bad. 

We went to the warehouse.  Our goal: 3 cases bottled Coke.  They did not have any.  Again.  They didn't have Sprite, either. 

Everyone was very apologetic but I can't sell excuses!  We went to work and stocked. 

Ron called the other warehouse.  They had the product.  He called Truck Guy #1, who picked us up. 

Oh, boy.  It just turned into Truck Day. 

I'd made an inventory for Ron, who assembled a list of 30-some bottled drinks.  I got that, and some snacks.  I was very impressed with the second warehouse.  No excuses, just good customer service and well-stocked shelves. 

I even found 20 pound bags of rice on clearance for $1.91.  I bought 2.  I wanted 5, settled for 2.  I will be repackaging it for longer term storage. 

I loaded the truck, unloaded, loaded the carts, got it all in the building.  Stocked everything.  Restocked the fridge with bottled drinks.  Checked and filled the change banks.  Made enough change to pay myself for a week! 

Finally, done.  Exhausted, we went outside to await our ride. We had a good ride home, late, around 4. 

When we got home I ate some leftover pizza, washing it down with a protein shake.  (Soy/whey)  I also took a spoonful of coconut oil.  It's supposed to be good for immunity and days like today are exhausting. 

Ron got a book from the state, I got something I ordered online (cost $5).  The cats are looking good and didn't seem to miss us. 

I do see a potential problem with Gravy, he kept trying to eat some rubber bands. 

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Wasn't fun


But it does illustrate why I'm still married:

Monday morning we have a delivery. Have to get it.

So, I took some OTC pain reliever for my nasty headache and we headed off to work. The headache progressed.

Soon I had a full blown migraine. Happily, I didn't need to do much so I did the minimum and waited to go.

However, we had to go to the bank and deposit quarters. Migraine progressing. We took paratransit (if you don't know, we are both non-driving) to the bank.

We made the deposit. Yay. I almost yakked all over the floor of the bank, but he gave me some chewable peptos he holds for me. That helped a little.

My head was killing me. He gave me the sunglasses he keeps for me. That helped. I put them on over my glasses.

He sat down in the seating area, armless, backless, cubes. I laid down and put my head in his lap (get your mind out of the gutter!). He called paratransit. They would not be coming for an hour.

That's not acceptable, he said. "My wife is sick. I need to get home".

Now, if you cancel your trip too late you can get a bad mark on your record. 5 in a month, they can suspend you.

He called yellow cab. Not only would he pay full fare, he'd throw in an extra $10 tip, for whoever came. We had a ride by the time I walked him up to the front of the bank.

The driver was one of my favorites.

Within 10 minutes I was vomiting in the privacy of my own home, surrounded by curious cats, 15 minutes, flat in bed with an ice pack. 

And he gave me today off, too.

[I have an unfortunate genetic predeliction to migraines. Not only that, my crazy pills increase them.]

Sunday, June 21, 2015


I hate when I'm depressed. 

  • No motivation or inspiration. 
  • I feel lazy, I already covered unmotivated.  
  • I am extremely fatigued.  
  • I have ugly moods, full of despair, hopelessness, bitterness, and just plain ugly.  I obsess about things and can't get the trigger out of my head.  I HATE the thought of letting that out on the internet.  If it does absorb our thoughts and feelings in some way I'll disease it.  
  • Even medicated, I still experience this.  It's far worse without medication. 
Doc was very clear: the goal is not to eradicate my illness.  Clinically, in fact, I am doing a lot better.  I am finally hitting average (baseline) moods for days at a time. 

He can't eliminate the ups and downs - this is a doctor with 50 years' experience.  What they can do is turn down the knob, to moderate the severity of my symptoms, and get me to a more functional level.
 Ron is not interested in moving into assisted living anymore.  Who can forget "All I need is a bed and a toilet!"  - his cry when he called adult services to get away from me, before my diagnosis and medication.   The cats don't run away from me when I'm manic. 

Sad, but true.  They used to do just that (well, not these cats, but "mine").  If you look at my home, Ron is fed, with food in the freezer.  The counter is cluttered but the sinks are empty.  Ron has mobility in his home, and feels safe.  The cats have 3 food bowls, 2 huge waterbowls, and all the treats they can gobble, thanks to Ron.  Well, I buy them.  My yard is presentable, the vending machines well stocked and functioning, the customers and my bosses happy.   I take a shower nearly every day, wear clean clothes, brush my hair and teeth.  I take time to do things I enjoy, but they don't consume me.  I pray and study my Bible on a daily basis, do regular Bible Handouts, and have all my materials well organized (Torbie likes to sleep on a case of Outreach Bibles).  I take all medications, and some supplements, at their appointed times and as directed. 

That's pretty much the goal right there.  It still doesn't feel like "enough" when I'm depressed. 

I'm not going to whine at Doc when I see him this week, although I guess I will tell him about the audio hallucination I had a couple nights ago, a man saying my name loudly.  It wasn't in my ear, it was "like" right next to it.  It is disturbing, even knowing it is just a symptom.  Probably need to go up on the Haldol.  Or maybe change it. 

I get some nasty headaches at 1 mg.  I'll do some research. 

Today wasn't too difficult as things go.  We got up early (although some neighbors played loud music until after midnight) and went to Walmart.  Ron had them correct the times and I had "just enough" to do everything. 

I went hungry.  So did Ron.  I ended up buying some chocolate, but otherwise stuck to my list.  We looked at a portable power charger (from $7-$19), but Ron decided he would rather use one that utilized standard batteries instead of a power pack.  I actually have such a beast, so I'll "let" him use it should the need arise. 

I like my neon pink power station.  It charges off a USB.  I used it to charge my phone before the tropical storm last week, and it worked.  I then recharged it off my computer.  Not a bad little critter. 

I was going to get some emergency ration bars, but they had sold out.  Not surprising.  I like to give them as gifts to people who might not otherwise think about it.  "What will I eat if I am stranded in my car?" 

It might get someone thinking about taking some additional steps.  :) 

I try to be subtle. 

Anyway, I couldn't find those (I wanted to get them for Doc), so I got some cheap $1 pocket flashlights instead.  They are very bright (see "Is it on yet?" post), and cute.  I always bring him wrapped mini candy bars, too.  I call it "The copay". 

I am tired of trying to find 5 gallon bucket lids.  I read a suggestion online to put supplies into an 18 gallon storage crate instead.  I like that.  It doesn't scream "Doomsday freak" like a lot of 5 gallon buckets.  Everyone has the boxes.  Not everyone has my contents.  :p 

I will try placing things into the boxes this week.  I don't know when I'll have the energy. 

Ron said he didn't need treats, so we didn't get any.  I had him in the Kiddie Cart.  He has been very supportive lately.  When he is abrupt, he apologizes.  He has a lot more empathy.  I can see God working in him. 

We checked out.  I got a breakfast sandwich.  My mood was so abysmal (even shopping!), I went home and took the whole day's dose of everything, all at once.  I can do this.  Doc was very clear on my dosing. 

I did that.  Don't regret it.  I get horrible thirst and need to urinate after taking the lithium, so I prefer to take it earlier in the day.  Otherwise I'm up all night drinking a gallon of water and urinating every 5 minutes. 

I counted, the last couple nights I still get up at least twice, to urinate.  Cost of doing business. 

That's the nice thing:  my illness is so horrific, unmedicated, I cannot live without medication.  If I don't take my medication, I will die. 

I know plenty of people who stop taking their meds and seem to live reasonable lives.  Not me.  It's not just "I won't because it is a bad idea" - and it is a terrible idea to go off bipolar medication.  For me, it's more "If I go off this I, at least, will die, and probably others". 

That makes it pretty simple! 

Saturday, June 20, 2015


While I'd love to believe I'm a deep, spiritual, compassionate soul, I can be very petty at times. 

Example, my debit card. 

The Bible says not to brag about your good deeds, or you will lose your reward.  So I will be a little evasive. 

I have 3 charity debits every month.  I budget for them as a matter of course.  It's just part of the routine, get paid, minus X for debits, prescriptions, Doc, etc.  Maybe I want to put $20 to spend online.  I go to the bank and make my deposit.  The debits come out on their appointed days. 

It's pretty painless. 

However, my card got hacked.  I had to turn it off.  I am getting some very diplomatic, to plaintive, emails from my charities.  "Your card didn't process".  Damn right it didn't, I didn't want to get defrauded, but that means I need to make it right with the charities. 

Which brings up a point: Right now, the money is "mine".  I can spend it "however I want" because "no one's filing that monthly debit anymore". 

It is a bit painful, I admit, to think about contacting everyone and setting it all up again, "losing" the money, and budgeting for it every month again. 

I'd be a liar if I said otherwise, and I don't lie.  Not to myself, not to you. 

I whined to myself for a few days, recommitted to my commitments, and contacted 2 of the charities online.  They will get their money.  I have to call the third one. 

I've been whining to myself about that, but I'll do it Monday.  They are very worthy causes.  I want to be on their teams. 

It's just harder than I'd like to actually type in that card number. 

Friday, June 19, 2015

Juneteenth Handout

We got all the way to the corner when I realized: I'd forgotten the Bible Bag.  I'd left it, as it turns out, sitting in my chair.  At least I didn't leave it on the porch! 

Special moments for special people.  My memory/medication - not great. 

"At least I didn't forget the sign" I told Ron cheerfully.  That was a truly difficult handout when I did.  People were very alarmed when I walked up to their cars, waving the Bibles, but I did manage to hand them all out with God's help. 

I held the Bibles in my left hand, using one finger to brace the sign on my left, gripping it firmly on the right.  It caused some cramping, but nothing too bad. 

Yesterday I gave 3 Spanish Bibles to one of my drivers.  He was very upset about Donald Trump, and I told him only God had the answer, would he like some Bibles?  He was delighted. 

So, today I brought a few, even though Acres Homes is primarily black.  I did hand them out at the end of the Handout.  A car pulled up, God led me, he was delighted to get them all, and began passing them out to his wife and daughter. 

The Handout spot is on a bus line.  It was running at peak hours, every 10 minutes or so.  We'd hardly gotten out to the median when a middle aged guy came running over, asking for a Bible, ran back to the bus stop, and caught the bus.  That happened several times, actually. 

One man had declined a Bible, but when another recipient left his sitting on the bench, running over to the convenience store, the first man checked it out and stole it!  I had to turn around so the man wouldn't see me laughing.  Like my husband, he wouldn't receive a Bible, but he'd steal it! 

When the "victim" passed me, crossing the street, I offered him an identical.  He was happy to see it. 

I was really, really, happy, that at least 10 of my recipients were young to middle aged black men.  Haters are going to want to inflame them; but only God has the answer.  I also had a fair amount of "singles" to black women. 

One of my next recipients was a very earnest-looking white lady with long brown hair.  She reminded me of myself.  "I'll take all you can spare.  I am a social worker at a housing project".  I had no problem loading her up. 

I had done up New Testaments with "Where to look in the New Testament" (you can find it in my notes), so the recipients had good starting points on various issues.  I gave her quite a few, then a large handful of "Where to Look" bookmarks "For the people who already have a Bible".  She was thrilled. 

Another lady stopped in the gas station parking lot and waved me over.  I didn't hear how many she wanted so I brought several.  She begged me for all of them, so I handed them over.  She drove off happily. 

Another lady drove by, wanting a few for her family, but I mainly had singles and twos. 

Ron and I were just wondering if we'd made a mistake on our timing, when a woman pulled up next to us and stopped in the street (that, with a police car not a block away!).  "I want you to know" she said sincerely "How much ya'll touch my heart, coming here, doing this (she waved at the setup).  We need this.  Thank you so much."  Ron and I told her she was welcome, we were happy to help, and we meant it.  I quoted Romans 12:21
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

She nodded, and thanked us again. 

It's great to be appreciated.  I was just feeling rather pointless.  I gave her a handful of bookmarks and she drove off. 

One older lady rolled by on a walker, cringing back as though I'd offered her a lump from the litterbox.  Oh-kay. 

A few minutes later a lady in purple pulled up.  She surveyed the box and asked about "The big one on top" (the one I had just offered to the older lady).  I gave it to her and she squeezed it.  "I want it to go to a good home" I told her.  "Someone else acted like I bit her and it hurt my heart!"  I didn't realize the lady was still at the bus stop. 

We heard shouting behind us at the gas station.  Ron wanted to know.  "Better not to look, here" I told him.  It continued for a few minutes with no other mayhem. 

I also saw a man dressed in house slippers, Superman pajama pants, a red tank top, and a lime green hard hat.  He didn't bother me, I didn't bother him.  We even ended up waiting at the bus stop together. 

As a rule, I always wave at bus drivers, cabs, metrolift, police, and fire.  I waved at something that appeared to be a Yellow Cab but it turns out Yellow had sold the cab to a private citizen.  She came over, asking for large print.  [hiss]  That, I didn't have, but I will be ordering it.  I suggested reading glasses at Dollar Tree, and gave her two (one for the passenger). 

A few passengers asked for more than one translation.  I've got no problem with that.  The Bibles are not expensive, and Parallel Bibles are popular for a reason (more than one translation, side by side).  I can't afford to hand THOSE out, but the versions I had cost me a quarter each.  So, I gave a few to various, generally older, people. 

I believe the right version is the one you'll read daily.  I got saved reading a Good News Bible.  They are not considered a "good, accurate" translation but they got me saved.  I do feature plenty of KJV because that's what they want. 

Anyway, we gave it an hour and a half.  We handed out about 60. 

We rode the bus home, me pushing Ron.  A young woman riding the bus kept looking longingly at the crate.  I grinned, picked up a Bible, and gave it to her with an even bigger grin.  She smiled back and disembarked! 

NOW we're done. 

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Game ON

Oh, yes I did.  And they were gone in minutes. 

I woke up horribly depressed, did my God Time later.  I always feel like He'd rather have me at full capacity -which I know is wrong. 

We went to the warehouse.  I knew I didn't have much in the way of snacks.  I bought what I needed.  We had a good ride to work.  I stocked, helped Ron, etc. 

It's always tricky for me, what is my first duty?  Helping Ron?  Or filling the machines?  I split it 50/50.  If it doesn't appear to involve blood, Ron herniating himself, or a broken vending machine I will try to stock.  If I'm done with stocking, I'll push him up and down the hall for the rest of the day, if he wants. 

All the machines are behaving. 

I did lose my temper.  One guy stole a package of crackers as I stocked, then claimed he was "joking". 

I objected.  He fished out a dollar and gave it to me.  

I told him not to do that again. 
1.  I didn't have change. I had to close the machine and run a transaction to get it. 
2.  Since he stole it out of the front coil, I now had to "fix" it so the next customer didn't get ripped off. 

He was shocked.  I explained the theft.  He and his friend tried to tell me it was fine to vandalize any vending machine, even with a crowbar, if one had ever "ripped you off" at anytime.  Cheetos hung up 5 years ago?  Case dismissed. 

I was sickened.  I pointed at the photo of Ron, then Ron himself, stocking the bottled vendor (his other woman) and said "You want to take money out of his pocket?  That's OK to you?  It's OK to take a crowbar to a vending machine because you might have been ripped off in the past, when we always pay every refund?"  I had tears in my voice.  They mumbled something and left, pointedly NOT looking at Ron. 


I was so upset I shut the vending machine, got my soda, and stood next to Ron for a while, chatting.  I needed some love to cleanse myself.  It worked. 

Once I felt better (about 5 minutes) I went back to work.  Ron told me not to take it "personally".  I take attacks on Ron very personally. 

Call me a racist.
Call me stupid.
Call me crazy. 
Call me a Pharisee. 
Call me a hypocrite. 

I don't care.  I dismiss it.  But imply I don't take care of Ron, or attack him, and game on. 

Speaking of, since we work amongst televisions I saw more media coverage than I ever wanted, of the church shooting (the first of many, in my opinion).  The second I heard about it I knew I wanted to do a Bible Handout in Acres Homes (considered a "bad" ghetto). 

Juneteenth - June 19, was the day the Texas "slaves" were officially freed.  It is a Black History holiday around here. 

So, I will be doing my Handout, on the heels of what certainly appears to be a racist hate crime on the black community, on a black history holiday.  Pretty deep layers! 

It's all God anyway, I just go.  I let Ron decide the time, and any other activities he wanted to do tomorrow.  I thought that was only fair. 

I had an overwhelming impulse to stock Bibles in the vending machines.  My Wittern can do Free vends.  I read how to do it. 

So, I got permission from Ron and set it up.  I have been wanting to do this for ages. 

They were all gone (I had 3 on hand) in minutes.  Guess I'll be bringing more! 

I'll do it as long as I can.  The way things are going I expect to be raptured any minute. 

No more crazy!  Yay! 

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Is it working?

We went to Walmart this morning after a dull and uneventful night. 

I found they were sold out of:
small $1 candles.
Vienna sausage
dry blackeyed peas
emergency ration bars

Surprisingly, they had a well stocked battery display.  They must keep extra stock on hand. 

The store was pretty empty, we had some rain bands come in.  That's an interesting feature of tropical events, the rain comes in ripples, driven by the wind. 

"You know" my driver told me "{meteorologists crying wolf} Are the reason no one left before Katrina!"  I could tell she was from New Orleans. 

I guess I can see her point.  You put your life on hold for days, and nothing.  Except now you're out: time, stress, and money. 

I am very happy we didn't have any serious damage.  VERY happy. 

I didn't buy hurricane related items, but I did get a few items I thought would be useful.  I really like my 5-led cheapo dollar store flashlight, so I was very happy to find a 9 led for the same price. 

I don't know why I always point the flashlight at my face before turning it on, though.  Not so brilliant, yet I do it everytime.  "Is it working?"  [grin] 

Actually, pretty horribly depressed today. 

I got tea, food, soda, jerky, some batteries (I can always use more, and Ron was out), some sunglasses for me, etc. 

I wear the kind that go over the bifocal.  It's a real fashion statement, especially as I could only find one case: covered in loud purple roses.  It's a little much even for me but it will live in Ron's backpack. 

I also bought dish detergent and some rose-scented candles.  I burned one yesterday and I found it very pleasant.  I find the scent of roses calming.  Of course the Yankee Candle Red Rose are the best (there's a hint if you ever want to get me a present!). 

We came home and I gave Ron his jerky, hiding mine in a 5 gallon bucket.  Gravy is a little thug and will chew his way through packaging, especially on something like jerky.  If he ate a hole in the brown sugar....

I made sure Ron put his on lockdown and I tried to take a nap. 

It didn't work very well.  Ron went to the liquor store and bought various products.  I am sad that he feels he needs it, and part of me (not a large one) fears another horrible blackout. 

After talking to some people online and observing neighbors with locked gates, I've decided to secure mine. 

That worked fine, after I put up the garbage can (let's hear it for the waste disposal experts!). 

Then I tried to lock the burglar bars on my back door, and the key got stuck.  I had to wake up a fairly drunken Ron.  He fixed it, but he was Not Happy. 

He apologized on his own, later.  I can really see the Holy Spirit working in him sometimes. 

Then I went on the hunt for field peas.  They are available for purchase, dry.  Apparently from only two places on the internet.  I looked at Walmart, I looked online.  I found all kinds of interesting grains and peas... but no field peas. 

I love the flavor.  They are a little firm but not overly so, a nice meaty texture.  I know most of the flavor comes from the MSG used in the canning process, but I still like them. 

I'll have to think about it for a few days, is it worth it to me? 

I did buy some needed vitamins.  I got some probiotics on sale, too.  I eat yogurt but they can't hurt.  I also bought myself a nice looking bar of soap and some fruit drops. 

It is nice not to live on rations, if you know what I mean.  Am I going buggo?  No, but I am buying a $3 bar of soap every month or so. 

So, tomorrow we go to work.  Probably a big stock.  Maybe not.  Maybe everyone else stayed home. 

We'll see. 

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Are we still going to Walmart?

Tropical Storm Bill is here. 

The rain started out as an off and on drizzle, Sunday night.  It has steadily increased.  Just now I heard thunder. 

Ron called Metrolift to tease them today.  "Are we still going to Walmart?"  They got a good laugh out of that. 

We are probably not going anywhere until Thursday, if that. 

The rain is heavier, it's gloomy, and I hear more thunder.  As of this moment, about 700 people in our electric distribution grid are out of power.  Not bad, but it's going to get a lot worse. 

Remember, I am fine. 

Monday, June 15, 2015

Tropical thing

First things first, got the vending machine fixed.  "They broke the levelers".  We took them off. 

Right after he left, I got 2 deliveries and stocked.  Right after that, the boss lady walks in to do an inspection. 

She was very impressed, and gave us a perfect score.  Yay! 

We had a long day at work.  They had the news on so I knew the tropical thing was headed our way. 

We got home and I took a nap.  I was surprised, I slept badly last night, but I only needed about 2 hours. 

Of course, I had Biscuit.  I picked him up and took him to bed, and he laid down with me, grooming himself.  It put me to sleep immediately.  We had a good nap and I didn't squash him.  Yay! 

I worry so much about that, and often beg God "Please don't let me squash [the cat]".  I got up and did some organizing, since I had the energy. 

Now, when I had Bubba (the black cat), he rarely brought home live rats on occasion, releasing them into the house.  Sometimes it would take him a while to catch and kill them.  While going through one lovely purple storage box, I found evidence a rodent had lived there at some point.  I was disgusted. 

Now, the cheap part of me said "Well, the clothes can be washed..." but then I thought, I'm not that poor.  I don't have to wear rat bedding if I don't want to.  And I threw it all out, even the box, because it reeked. 

All that's gone and it looks much better in my closet. 

I don't need to do much to prepare for the tropical thing.  All my devices are charged.  I will remind Ron to back up his spreadsheets to a USB flash drive.  That should cover everything. 

So, I wait and see - is it coming or not? 

Sunday, June 14, 2015


I was pretty upset last night about the vandalism, until I did my God time.  I read through the Bible every year, and last night had an Old Testament crisis:  countless bad guys on the way to destroy Israel.  The king had a huge assembly at the temple and basically turned the problem over to God.  God spoke through one of the Levites (the priestly tribe), and said "Stand back and let God fight your battle for you".  Sure enough, the next day, all the bad guys were dead and the good guys did some serious looting.  It also applies to my case, so leaving it to God.

We may have a tropical thing coming to Houston. 

Right after the flooding of a few weeks ago.  That would suck. 

I'm charging all my electronics and drinking my milk.  There's not a whole lot I can do but I have done that. 

It's been raining pretty steadily for the last hour or so. 

Saturday, June 13, 2015

Had a dumb

Not really a day off. 

I had a hard time falling asleep.  I kept getting up to pee (medication). 

I doubt I retain a cc of water. 

Got up, went to the bank.  We came home.  Ron wanted to go to the mall because he killed his cell phone.  Our ride was almost an hour late.  Which meant Ron had to rearrange his pickup from the mall. 

Ron got a basic prepaid flip.  No one told us it talked, but I figured it out.  I also had to reprogram his whole phone book.  His old phone was so old they had to change the SIM card. 

I think, in the long run, he's going to love the thing.  It yells the name of everyone who calls when they call.  "Call from HEATHER!"  He likes that. 

Of course they have to be in the phone book, but I already put in about 30 numbers. 

Our ride was late, picking us up. 

We finally got home.  I took a nap.  Ron charged his phone (poor things always get so run down waiting to be purchased!). 

I begged God for some sleep, and I got it.

I haven't gotten my new debit card, so no point in going to the store just yet.

I got up and "did battle" with the new phone for a while, pretty much getting it the way Ron wanted.  The thing is his lifeline so I want to make sure he's happy.

I waited on my medication - if I tried to do the phone after, I would have "had a dumb".

After I "publish" I will go eat food, and 2 handfuls of medication.

Oh, and I had a horrible headache for most of the day.

Happily it didn't really rain.

The cats are good, I don't have to change the litter box, and the headache is gone.  Off to eat some fairly old leftover pizza and a protein shake.  

Friday, June 12, 2015

"I am praying for you"

What a terrible day. 

First: yesterday off.  The dog next door has been barking a lot every night, which exhausts me.  Ron wanted to go to Carl's Junior so we did that.  I came home, took my meds, took a nap.  I ate enough fries. 

See, if I eat chicken, and take lithium, I get horribly ill.  I have to eat enough "other" food, fat and protein, to cushion the "blow" or I will be prostrate. 

I had been craving a grilled BBQ chicken sandwich from Carl's.  They are excellent.  I dripped sauce all over myself but so what.  It was good, and they have an excellent whole grain bun.  And I ate plenty of fries.  I took a short nap. 

When I got up, I watched some TV and computer in the front rooms, and went back to my bedroom to do some organizing.  I heard horrific screams, sounded like kids burned alive.  Turns out #6 got a wading pool. 

I was OK with it, really, but one of the little girls was emitting earsplitting screams at the top of her lungs, every few minutes.  It made me a little twitchy.  You see, they apparently didn't have enough kids already.  6 was not enough.  No, they trucked in two more cars of kids and they went on for hours.  [wry face]

At least they didn't get overheated.  I did wonder about that. 

I turned on the radio to KSBJ.  They are contemporary Christian pop.  It helped balance the noise and helped me focus on my organizing. 

I went up front (quieter) and found Lord of the Rings on TV.  I like it.  I watched for a while. 

I decided it would be foolish to stay up past my bedtime waiting for the kids to finish up, then get up 2 hours early to take my shower and do my God Time.  I took a shower. 

I also finished the laundry and some other housekeeping stuff.

It worked out very well, that way I could get up about an hour before, do my God Time, plenty of all around time and later sleeping.  I will definitely do it again. 

We went to the warehouse. Truck day.  We utilized our new guy.  I like him a lot, he's a simple country boy, retired, very kind, no dramas or head games.  What you see is what you get, praise God. 

I got about 40 cases of stuff, opting to wait on most of the snacks (which, as it turns out, was a wise idea). 

I got to work, got the carts, dragged everything out and loaded it up.  Ron likes to maneuver his walker up the stairs (4 of them), rather than go up the up-to-perfect-ADA-guidelines wheelchair ramp.  I find it funny, but some people think I'm a total bitch for "making" him go up the stairs. 

If someone is glaring at me like that, I smile and say "I look like a really bad person, but why don't you ask Ron?  Ron, do you want to ____?" Ron always agrees, emphatically.   Sometimes he pretends to whimper, "abused", when it's just us. 

I got everything into our area and got to work stocking.  I opened Snack 2.  And I couldn't shut it.  I realized, to my horror, it had totally separated at the top hings.  Not only that, I could see tool marks where someone had tried to pry the door off the frame.  Did a pretty good job, too.  I think they got interrupted. 

Snack 2 is my baby.  I was distraught and pretty angry.  Ron suggested, wisely, I walk over and report it to the Postal Inspectors. 

I did.  The front desk lady took one look at my face and flipped the hot potato over to OIG - Office of Inspector General.  "Since we know a Postal Worker did it". 

Thanks for reminding me.  I thought. 

I stormed over to OIG (the facility is huge, and the walking helped calm me down).  "Vandalized, hanging off a hinge" got their attention and they came, inspected the machine, listened to me, took photos, basically did the stuff you want done after you've been the victim of a crime.  OIG rocks.  I think I'm going to bring them a treat. 

He even managed to get the door shut, again, somehow.  Our repairman will come out on Monday to address the issue (since the machine was shut we didn't see an urgent need for him to come on his lunch break, as he volunteered). 

Did they get anything?  A bag of Cheez-its fell out of the coil when they were abusing the machine, and they took them.  They did separate the door at the top hinge, but it's still closed and seems safe enough. 

Did they do damage?  They knocked off the front left leg.  They definitely damaged the top hinge, which may or may not be fixable.  If it can't be fixed we are [censored].  We will likely have to wait quite a while on a new machine. 

I am praying it can be fixed.  If anyone can do it, our guy is THE MAN.  He will do everything possible. 

We turned off the machine and put up a note.  I let them know why I had to shut it down, and wrote "To the bad guy, I'm praying for you". 

With the gossip mill at work it will get back to him.  God tells me to do this; and He equips me to do it. 

You can bet I stocked the heck out of the other vending machines.  Someone stole a bag of Cheez-it's out of another vending machine while I was stocking.  I am about done with Cheez-its, let me tell you.  They're like, the felonious snack. 

I stocked, helped Ron, who was completely overwhelmed.  It's pretty funny to see him sitting next to the bottled vendor (thank God they didn't go after that one), with a huge handcart loaded with 10 cases of cold drinks.  I get them, I replace them.  Glad I had my back brace. 

Basically a huge part of my job is making life easy for Ron, AND doing snacks and food machines.  I got it all done (except pastry and I was not feeling the love).  We came home. 

I wanted to eat something Really Bad nutritionally.  I opted for honey flavored greek yogurt and a couple ounces of sliced pepperoni (I should have taken a salt tablet before Truck Day).  I then took my pills and tried a nap. 

I slept a little but not great.  I did, however, have fantastic cuddles from Torbie.  She is so loving. 

I got up, helped Ron with some stuff, went everywhere online screaming about my poor brutalized snack machine.  Including here. 

What a day. 

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Today: rather traumatic

I did something really, incredibly, stupid. 

Then I "told". 

As you may have figured out, I like to tweak my disaster kit.  I have had disaster too often in my life; I expect it.  I aim to be ready when it comes. 

For instance, when I spoke to the manager of the pet store, after hurricane Ike, he said he was shocked how many people were beating down his door because they had run out of pet food. 

So, I have an extra couple bags. 

While reading an internet forum thread about Mexican Pharmacies, I thought "Wouldn't it be great if I could get some antibiotics online". 

I envisioned a nice little stash of antibiotics, something for bladder infections and Ron's ever present leg ulcers.  I placed my order, giving my debit card number, expiration, and even the magic number on the back (874). 

It had a big USPS logo, assuring fast shipping and package tracking.  Well, I thought, it must be OK if USPS is on board.  Right? 

Oh, the stupid.  It burns. 

I got an email today "Regarding your order".  Uh oh.  The server is down (how did you send me an email?).  However, they would cut me a special deal!  If, IF... I sent them a wire transfer, to a person and place totally different from that listed on the website. 

[bad word]  They just raped my debit card.  I checked my balance (I get a daily summary).  Nothing yet. 

It took me about 2 minutes to pull out my card for the bank.  I called and told them I needed them to kill my debit card.  That's how I can share my former security code - it won't get you anything now. 

After I did that, and ordered my new card, I decided to file a complaint with the Postal Inspectors (since the website is using the USPS logo, and promising to ship USPS).  It's up to them now. 

I know they can prosecute because they are asking for money and promising to ship USPS. 

If they choose, if nothing else they can probably get the web site taken down. 

Other than that, I had a pretty standard night.  Torbie slept with me, the dog next door went crazy barking in the middle of the night.  I got up, about 5 times, to pee.  The lithium is a really strong diuretic. 

I woke up pretty tired and did my God Time before I got online. 

I did take my shower and wore one of my new performance t-shirts.  Today's is a slate blue. 

I had a protein shake.  It kept me full for a long time.  I don't really care about that; but I didn't get queasy after my meds.  That's what matters to me.

I'm discovering I can only have about one diet soda in the morning, or I get queasy.  That's an interesting way to get me to cut back.

We went to the warehouse.  I got some soy protein powder for me (tons of servings and 42 cents a serving).  I take soy isoflavones anyway and they help, so the protein should be a good thing if they made it palatable. 

I like the protein powders because it's easy and giving my body protein, which it really needs.  I would say protein is the #1 thing my body lacks.

Even better, I don't get sick when I take one with my medication!

I was very happy with my score.  Not so happy with the extra hour spent waiting on our ride.  Then, on the way to work, we picked up that guy.  

EVERY driver complains about them, and the cab drivers literally drench their vehicles in air freshener after transporting them.  Why?

 He looked OK, coming out of his house in his clean white polo and khakis.  However, he always rides with a diaper full of feces.

The stench was horrific.  If I could, I would have some questions for his mother/provider.  "Why are you putting clean clothes over a filthy diaper?"  "Do you ever think about what it must be like for the other passengers, and the driver, to transport him like that?"  "Have you ever thought about a group home?" 

He has a brother, same issues, but they both have extreme behavior issues so they have been "split up".

So, we're riding.  I notice the guy is looking at my inventory, which is a problem.  I don't care how limited you are, you are not eating my merchandise.

He leans forward and I realize he is defecating, again, in his already full, nasty, diaper.  The stench was so thick I could taste it.

Have you ever tasted the scent of someone else's feces?  I don't blame the drivers for that air freshener, at all.

I just tried not to breathe.  Praise God we finally made it to work.

Rather than wait to go through the gate, I asked the driver to pull off into visitor parking.  One of the police officers makes it a point to look out for us, and he came over.  He got a whiff, and I said the other passenger had behavior issues.  He understood.

I unloaded my stuff as fast as possible, leaving Ron to the driver.  She left.

I left Ron in the sun, sitting on his walker, next to $106 worth of merchandise.   I got my handcart, brought it out, and managed to wrangle both Ron and the merchandise into the building, simultaneously.  

Then, time to stock, which we did.  The bottled vendor needed 9 cases of drinks.  Snacks have slowed down a little but candy is pretty lively.  

Ron worries we won't have enough time, so I tell him "Make it a longer day".  No.  But we were OK anyway.  

We left and had a great ride home, no drama, no odors, just a very nice Nigerian man who just adored Gravy (cat).  He petted him and baby-talked him.  

If men knew how good they looked fussing over a cat, they all would!  

Married!  But not dead!  

I ate and took a nap.  Torbie jumped on me, gave me the liver massage, and slept by my head.  I always sleep so well with her.  

I got up, did my God Time, had all my banking drama, and drank buckets of decaf diet iced tea.  

I'm sure glad we have tomorrow off. 

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Longer day

It was pretty busy at work yesterday.  We had to do accounting stuff and the regular stocking.  I was exhausted even after my nap. 

I did sleep with Torbie, and Biscuit (he's the one with the gray left eyepatch, and is more gray overall).  It is lovely to sleep with them, although I always worry about squashing them. 

I did that once with Bubba.  I woke up in the middle of the night with him flailing underneath me.  I'd rolled over on top of him. 

Poor Bubs, but he forgave me, and still slept with me after that.  All my cats have been so sweet. 

Today was my day off.  "I don't want to do accounting."  I told him "I don't want to go to the bank" (as we did last week).  "I don't even want to do a Bible Handout"  "I want to sleep in and maybe go to Walmart."  So, that's what we did. 

I have plenty of food. 

I slept in late enough. 

Not to whine, and I wouldn't know normal if it bit me, but I wake up tired, always.  I take a nap and I wake up tired.  I sleep 12 hours and wake up tired.  It's just a combination of my illness and medication.  I'm accustomed to it.  In fact, if I wake up energized I know I am running manic!  LOL 

Still in a pretty standard mood.  It's been going for weeks now.  Doc will be THRILLED.  This is the holy grail - symptom remission. 

My "features" are complicated and difficult (clinically) to manage, so getting this is great. 

Not to mention it's a lot less wear and tear on me, and Ron! 

Ron had mentioned going to the Texas Roadhouse recently.  I told him there are peanuts in buckets everywhere. I have an allergy, could we go to Applebees instead? 

We haven't, but I think it will be a good compromise. 

So, we went to Walmart and had fun.  Ron has trouble with those hashbrowns.  They, ah, come with a timer if you know what I mean. 

He was yelling at God to be nice to me, because I do the laundry.  [laugh]  It worked out fine. 

The cats are great.  I'd bought some brown sugar and Gravy bit through the bag, thinking it was cat food, I guess.  It wasn't.  It has been rebagged. 

Gravy is a little criminal.  If his food bowl is empty he will find anything that looks like a bag of treats, or food.  He will then proceed to chew his way through mylar to get the delicious, crunchy, inside. 

Or the sugary one.  :p 

I gave the boys a can of wet food until Ron did up the dry.  He doesn't like to put too much out at a time.  It gets stale, he worries. 

I doubt that could happen at the rate our guys eat.  They eat, according to Ron, about 5 pounds of dry, grain-free cat food a week.  I have a couple bags in reserve, which I rotate.  Ron keeps the "bags in progress" in the locked closet.  Remember I have four, 10 pound, cats. 

We need to get some more Blue Salmon. 

I never got a callback from the Christian relief agency.  What is so scary about me handing out Bibles to people in crisis?  They are "normal" Bibles!


Well, it just confirms, to me, God wants me working in the "bad" neighborhoods.  Apparently I'm not meant for the middle class, but the poverty stricken ghetto.

I don't care where God sends me, but I will say I'm glad Acres Homes is not that far away!  That ride last week was exhausting.

Anyway, that's it for now.  I have to go to bed in half an hour and it looks to be a longer day.  

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Flood Carnival

I woke up on time but found my hair really tangled.  It took me forever to get it brushed out and washed. 

We went to church. 

I was very excited to see a huge food service semi truck, various mobile homes, large tents, Red Cross armored trucks, etc.  It looked like the Flood Carnival had come to town. 

"Oh" I kept thinking "I could do a Handout!"  The thought kept persisting.

After church, I ran over to the workers (Southern Baptist volunteers) and asked if I could set up a table to distribute Bibles.  They will get back to me.  I gave them my name, phone number, and Facebook.

Mainly so they could see this ain't my first rodeo.

If this works out, I would bring a folding table and all my inventory.  I'd affix the Free Bibles sign to the front of the table and sit in a chair.  I'd bring Ron's wheelchair.  We would sit and offer Bibles to interested parties, refusing all "donations" of course.  

However, I always and only want to do God's will.  If that's not for me to do, I'll move on. 

Ron is talking about Bissonnet.  I'm game. 

I also ran into the guy from the print shop.  He had converted "Where to Look in the New Testament" into laminated bookmarks.  He was very worried I wouldn't like them, but they're great and probably more likely to be kept. 

I was quite happy to drag it off to my ride, when he showed. 

We came home, I took a nap.  I'm still pretty tired. 

I do get sloppy, on occasion, taking my antidepressant.  It causes pretty extreme nausea and headaches.  If I'm already battling extreme nausea, it'll cause vomiting, and if I take it during a headache, same thing.  Ask how I know!

My more-protein diet is working pretty well.  The nausea is a lot better, which means I can take my medication again.  I had missed a day here and there. 

But, it causes pretty serious fatigue, and brain fog.  Not so fun.  But it does help with the depression. 

I also have an annoying post nasal drip and cough, partly from the infection, partly from allergens.  I don't even have to look to know the mold levels must be astronomical.  I have been taking a lot of mucus pills - one of the few things I can take that doesn't cause an interaction or mania. 

It's tiresome, but not serious.  I can certainly do everything. 

I just ate dinner and took my medication, I can already feel the fatigue.  Yes, I'm whining a little bit, but I'll live. 

I am so ready for the new body I'll get in Heaven one day. 

Saturday, June 6, 2015


We had the day off. 

Got up early, went to Walmart.  While shopping, Ron threatened to spank a misbehaving child.  Happily, the mother found Ron "Very funny" and not at all offended. 

"One day" I told him "Some Mama Bear is going to kick your teeth in, and I won't be able to protect you".  I reminded him good parents are protective of their children.  Not to say the lady was a bad mother, but I'd have been pizzed. 

I got protein powder, milk, yogurt, and other wholesome items.  I plan to eat a lot of protein.  1.  I'm doing an awful lot of physical labor and 2.  It's better for my stomach

No nausea today, although I am battling some gas from one of the protein powders. 

I got home and tried to take a nap, but someone needed to come over.  Once he finally left I tried again, and managed to sleep a few hours.  I had odd dreams and very happy to wake up.  

I did my God time, some laundry, organizing, and worked on the computer.  All in all a pretty quiet day.  I had some drama around pill time.  I forgot I put the organizer on the kitchen table and ransacked the front room.  Then I lost my cell phone (and found it). 

Now it's time for bed.  Here's to praying I get a good night's sleep. 

Friday, June 5, 2015

I can smell the chocolate

Well, I slept with Torbie cat.  I can't recall any nightmares.  I'm calling it a good night's sleep. 

It's a good thing.  While I painstakingly applied deodorant, brushed my teeth, and brought my work items, I forgot the back brace.  Happily God took care of me. 

We went to the warehouse.  I needed everything - sales have exploded, and not just ours.  The other vendors were scrambling "A-holes and elbows" he said. 

My list was simple: Everything! 

I got Ron's items, and proceeded to stuff as much as I could in the cracks around Ron's merchandise.  I could have easily used two hand carts, if I had a bigger truck. 

I was careful to bring the ice chest, cleaned out and ready for service.  It just seems pointless to spend hundreds of dollars on chocolate and leave it lying in the sun, in a pickup truck bed, riding to work in 90 degrees.  Much better to put some cold packs into the ice chest and load it with chocolate.  I did that, but it took up a lot of room in the truck bed.  For a moment, it looked as though I might not have the room, but the cart attendant managed to make it all fit. 

I managed to get everything I needed, except big hot chips.  I couldn't make them fit, and assumed (correctly) the customers would rather have their hot pork rinds, and jalapeno kettle chips. 

I am a flavor wimp, and find it highly amusing: my shining stars in the snack machine are all extremely hot chips.  You couldn't pay me to eat my own merchandise! 

We used the new guy.  I like him a lot. 

We got everything transported and unloaded in about an hour, per Ron.  Good.  I got it into the building and had my classic battle: helping Ron, versus doing snacks. 

Snacks were decimated yesterday, but not so bad today.  It took maybe half an hour to do the chips portion, longer to stock all the candy and granola bars. 

Sometimes people want to know what I sell:
Peanut M&M
Plain M&M
Baby Ruth (I used to love those when I could eat peanuts)
Skittles (3 kinds)
Starburst (2 kind)
Fruit Mentos (3 kind)
Mint Mentos
Hershey Almond
Reeses PB cup
Nature valley protein bar
Classic Nature Valley granola
Nature Valley Almond
Nature valley Trail Mix
Rice Krispie Treats
General Mills cookie assortment (2 kinds of oreo, chips ahoy, and nutter butter)
Detour protien bar
Some other protein bar I sell for $1.40

You get the idea - and that's just the candy.  Now, I have 3 snack machines.  Each coil holds 20 or so items.  That's a lot of stocking! 

I did make sure to eat one of MY protein bars (I have a little stash of things I bought myself) before stocking so I wasn't drooling all over the merchandise. 

I can smell the chocolate, as I work. 

I got all that done, and helped Ron.  It wasn't too crazy today, but we had a lot of work.  Plus, I had to move an insane amount of merchandise into our small area.  I managed.

I even managed to take a very short breaks, sitting on my 5 gallon bucket (I got a bucket seat lid online).  My feet sure enjoyed the rest and the bucket held my weight.  I have my (unused) sanitary stuff, snacks, and a change of clothes for Ron, in the bucket.  

I was happy to see the other vendor was just as busy as us.  I was worried it was only us, and might create some difficulty.  Nope. 

Finally.  All done.  I practically crawled out into the horrific heat and humidity.  I wore another one of my performance tshirts, today.  It was very comfortable.  I have 3 now.  Dickies Performance T

My pants had an annoying crotch bagginess that reminded me of my recipients!   I may need to try on some clothes at Wallyworld tomorrow. 

I brought my rolling cooler, which is also designed to be used for seating. 

We got stuck waiting at shift change, so things were brisk.  A woman stormed up to me, scowling. 

No, I'm not a postal worker.  What are you trying to do?  You can't mail anything here, they don't let the public in the door. 

I have a problem with the post office.  

I found it odd she'd brought a teenage boy.  I pointed her at the front office, that's what they're paid for.  I didn't envy whoever dealt with her.

About that time, our ride pulled up, but someone was standing in the street in front of us, having her little drama, so he had to park off to the side.  Thanks, lady, you just made my nearly immobile  husband go out of his way after a really long day at work.

Some days, I am SO GLAD we are not open to the public.  I was happy to ride away.

We had a really nice driver we like a lot.  We came home.

I was exhausted and had only eaten junk, aside from my protein bar.  I wasn't queasy today.

I made a protein shake, part whey, part casein.  The casein is a slower acting protein.   I chugged that and went to bed for a couple hours.  Torbie did NOT join me.  :( 

I woke up pretty stiff, not unexpected.  I did a Bible Handout and Truck Day. 

I need to pamper myself and get my protein, the next couple days. 

Thursday, June 4, 2015


Oh, so queasy. 

First, my day.  I had horrible, apocalyptic, nightmares, even with Torbie at my side.  [shudder]  Horrible, but she did help. 

I got up, exhausted, and took my shower, prepared for work.  Our ride came in a timely manner. 

I gave the driver a Bible.  He was, I believe, a muslim. 

He took it, in part, because I listen to God.  I don't talk down to anyone, we're all equals, this is really interesting and I'd like to share it.  He kept talking about the "nice" Bible - made me glad I did the Go Fund Me thing and got some nice ones. 

Don't get me wrong, I'll hand out just about anything, but a fake leather will beat a cheap paperback anyday. 

We got to work and the vending machines were completely decimated.  I stocked literally every bit of inventory I had.  Once I finished, I helped Ron with his tasks and worked on the food machine.  It was pretty frantic.

It also means we had to reschedule Truck Day for tomorrow.  Truck day is always a lot of work.

Happily I have my "performance tshirts" and my back brace.  I'm going to need them. Since it's so hot, I'm cleaning out the ice chest.  I plan to take that and use that for the candy bars.  They will melt in this heat.

And who wants a melted candy?

So, alarming but good, business is brisk.  We just need to stay on top of the sales.  Things looked a lot better when we left.

I'd woken up with a ghastly headache, taken something, and been queasy most of the day.  When we got home I laid down for a little while.

Torbie did her reiki liver massage - walking all over the painful parts while purring loudly, then laying down next to my head.  What a sweet baby.  Exactly what I wanted.  Except for the liver massage. 

I'm so glad I asked God to direct me, picking her out, and that I listened.

I felt a little better when I got up.  We went out for fried seafood.

BAD idea.  I barely took my pills.  I laid down, again, and managed to digest the medication.  God knows I have to take it.

If I were this queasy and not mentally ill, I'd just skip eating, a lot of days, but my medication has to be taken with food.

I've been thinking how to revamp my diet so I can do that, without overdoing the calories, and getting decent protein.  I used to make Ron whey shakes in milk.  I'd add the powder to milk.  They are good and have a lot of protein (pretty much an entire day's requirement).  I know that works for taking medication.  I just need to get some milk, and some instant milk, because some time I'll run out and I want to do it anyway.

I'll figure something out.  I found out the other night oatmeal works - can I put whey into oatmeal?    Looks like I can.

I want to get my nutrition, take my pills... and be kind to my stomach.  Poor abused thing.  Still queasy.

So, the extreme nausea killed most plans, except for the cleanout of the old ice chest (I had some drinks in there, and cold packs, sitting out in the garage).  I did that, and I'm happy.  I just need to rinse it, and leave it open to dry, probably leaving it by the front door - because I'm "speshul" and I'll forget otherwise.

Tomorrow's going to be a very long day.  But I'll do it, with God's help.

I just pray I don't have any nightmares tonight.

I almost wish I would vomit just so I could get it over with.  Ugh.  

Wednesday, June 3, 2015


Whew, I am tired.  Yesterday was a very long day. 

Happily, I had a good sleep with Mewtiful, aka Torbie (the fat brown/orange tabby in my slideshow).  She has been sleeping a lot, next to my head.  My favorite thing ever. 

However, it's been my experience that cats start doing that with me, right before they die (a couple years).  Well, I know she's old. 

I am certain Biscuit would step up and become "My" cat.  He already slept on my feet during my God Time today.  He was actually the first one out of the woods the day we met, and sat, perched on my shoulder, like some kind of ornament for a good 15 minutes.  He never did that again. 

Anyway, I believe in enjoying every moment. 

Biscuit continues to do well on his wet food diet.  He likes the cheap, meat-byproduct, cat food.  He won't really eat the nicer stuff. 

Baby Girl is sweet in her own distant way.  But I remind myself she will always sleep with me when I'm severely depressed.  We also have a little routine when I walk past the back of her couch.  She yawns and extends her paw for me to hold (very gently).  I let her press her warm little pads into my hand and talk to her. 

Gravy is fat and happy, more Daddy's boy.  They are lying in bed together. 

I need to put up some more photos of the boys. 

However, according to my cell phone, my home's interior lighting is dismal.  Well, he's blind.  I don't really think about it. 

We had to go to the bank. 

Let me educate you: Social Security checks are deposited on the 3rd of the month, here in America.  Right now, cash registers are ringing across the nation, and every senior and disabled person wants to go to the bank, if they haven't already. 

That's right - the transit system was totally overloaded today, and we ended up waiting an extra hour to go home. 

"It's our fault" I told Ron "It's the 3rd.  We should know to stay home.  We are staying home, on the 3rd, of every month, unless we have to work, only."  Ron agreed.

Ron ran the numbers and the business did pretty good for May.  I encouraged Ron to call his boss, who was delighted to hear it.  Why should he only get "bad news"?  Ron agreed.

If I have something nice to say, or good news that will brighten someone's day, I'm going to share it.  That's how I work.

That's also why I hand out Bibles.  I know they are lifechanging.

Pick one up (pretty much any version), ask God to teach you... BAM.

That said, my legs are pretty sore today.  Those cases of Bibles are heavy: about 40-50 pounds each.  One reason I don't "let" the drivers wrangle them.  I feel as if I did some powerlifting.  Some would say I did some Power lifting.  :p

I'm only sharing that here, the last thing I want is some kind of holy martyr theme.  Ick.

I was careful to take a salt tablet yesterday, and drink hydration stuff, before I went out.  I'm glad I did, I didn't have any problems.

But according to my [prescription bottle] labels, I could.

Anyway, when we got home from the bank I took a nap, a good one.  I didn't get one yesterday and didn't get optimal sleep last night, either.  Torbie was Mewtiful as she slept with me.  Oh, that makes me so happy.

I had a list of things planned when I got up, but I was pretty exhausted.  I just kept it to basics (clean the litter boxes, put the garbage cans away, etc.).

God willing I will sleep well tonight.  

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Houston Hair Handout

"Never again" Ron moaned when we got home. 

I couldn't blame him.  We rode, total, over 4 hours just going to and from the Handout.  It had been a challenging day, but I'd already handed out 5 Bibles just going to and from Walmart.  When we got home, I found a gory bloodstain on the tiles. 

Oh, God, the cats brought something home and killed it.  I cleaned up the blood, only to find a live bird under the bookcase.  I stuck my hand under the edge and it "bit" me with it's beak, holding on tightly.  Good.  I used that to leverage the bird out and past some VERY interested kitty cats, putting it safely outside.  Cat door.  Not always a great idea.  It was a very common bird.  I don't know what made the bloodstain 'cause they ate it. 

I also tried to hydrate, and pee, as much as possible.  The only thing worse than a handout with a bursting bladder is a dehydrated one. 

When I found myself peeing about what I'd drunk a half hour earlier, I called it good.  I packed a bottle of Gatorade, a large bottle of Ozarka Sparkling water (very good), and a 6-pack of Diet Dr Pepper.  As it turned out I didn't need most of the drinks. 

We had, as I've related, a very long ride to the Handout, but I handed out several Bibles on the way.  I also had to make a pit stop.  The older Spanish lady riding across the aisle squealed with joy and hugged the Bible when I gave it to her, grinning widely.  Awesome. 

We finally got to our stop.  It was pretty much what I expected from the Google StreetView.  I had a nice median, and part of it basically had a built in wheelchair ramp.  I was directly across from a Chinese takeout restaurant.  I set up, taking a minute to get the crates set up, Ron parked, gave Ron his hat, drank some Gatorade so I didn't get sick, and boom -

I was at the end of the median, at the turnaround, about a hundred yards from the intersection of Old Spanish Trail and Scott.  I had, to start, about 80 Bibles.  A few more than that, I think.  I didn't count them all because I seldom give them all away, I always have a reserve. 

Anyway, within a few minutes someone had parked at the turnaround, waving at me.  I got her served and things moved pretty briskly from there.  I had lots of "multiples" - one person wanting a couple to serve the whole family, or a carload and everyone wanted one.  Only one person tried to give me money - nice to have them believe the FREE part of the sign! 

About 5 minutes into the handout, a lady came walking over, carrying styrofoam cups.  "Gimme one of them Bibles".  I handed one over and asked if she needed more.  "Yeah" she replied, indicating the Chinese takeout restaurant "They all curious.  Give me a bunch, so I can pass them out."  I handed her several more, and she gave me some icewater. 

Within 5 more minutes, the owner came out, bringing more ice water, and asking me, in broken English, to save some Bibles for her to offer at the restaurant.  I did. 

I saw a man aggressively confronting people, shoving paper at them, working on private property.  Rude, invasive, and ILLEGAL.  That's why I work the way I do. 

I saw a man in a colorful cloth cap, staring at me.  I offered him a Bible and he told me he was a muslim.  "Have a nice day!" I waved, and meant it. 

No one told me, when I was asked to work there - they had a huge mosque about a quarter mile from my handout spot.  I didn't let it stop me. 

I offered a Bible to one guy drinking a "40" (ounce beer in a can, hidden in a paper bag), swaying as he walked.  He gave me a beautiful smile as he took it. 

Oh boy - did they love those Bibles.  I had the "nice" ones and they were going like hotcakes, when the recipients saw what I had to offer.  I am so thankful to all my sponsors! 

I had one guy who parked and came over, perusing each Bible and "shopping" for his perfect one.  I let him take all the time he wanted.  "After all" I told Ron later "I want to give them away."  He took a few and left. 

I'd brought 10 children's and they were hugely popular.  "I've got Kid Bibles!" - wow, that is a battle cry to beleaguered parents and grandparents - who wisely want to get their kids right with God before the world turns them astray.  I'll be getting more. 

I had one young lady who parked at the pawnshop (! my kind of area!, oh, and FOUR wig/weave/beauty supply places on one block), walked over, and got a Bible.  She was wearing a college t-shirt. 

I had one guy who came down, did the turn around, and went back, laughing.  I had a bus driver stop and get a couple, a bus driver who gave me a huge grin and a thumbs up, and several more dour bus drivers.  I waved and grinned at everyone. 

As I was running down, I saw a man in a knee immobilizer brace.  He could hardly walk, and was trying to carry groceries.  He clearly wanted a Bible, so I ran over and offered him his choice.  He selected the one he liked, put it in a grocery bag, and hobbled off down the road. 

I had a lady carrying several grocery bags, sweating, came over the median and down to me, to get her Bible, which I was delighted to provide.  If I have a lot of pedestrians I always do a better business. 

Pretty soon I was down to 3.   A car pulled up, a man leans out.  "How many?" I asked.  "Three!"  I handed them over and we were done. 

HOWEVER, I'd held back a half dozen whole Bibles (just a basic evangelism paperback), for the restaurant.  I gave them to the owner and she set them on the counter.  People were paging through them as they waited for their orders.  I'd also given her *one* Spanish.  When I saw one of her latina cooks checking it out, I gave her the rest (about another 7). 

We ate.  Ron wasn't impressed with the food, but I liked what I ate.  Then a very long ride home in rush hour traffic.  When I got home the rest of my Lifeway order was waiting on the porch.  So easy to rip open the box and give one to the driver! 

NOW I'm done.  Please pray for the recipients! 

Today's handout cleared the perfect amount of shelving to store the new Bibles - but hopefully not for long! 

Monday, June 1, 2015


We had a long, stressful day at work. 

A day that started at 2 AM, after a night-time of doggy barking.  Ron can't hear the barking unless he's in the bathroom, and that's a very good thing.  He would be banging on their door every 5 minutes yelling at them otherwise. 

The way I see it, if they know the dog upsets us, they may be more inclined to keep her.  But if she's "only" bothering them, they have more motivation to get rid of her. 

Don't get me wrong, the dog seems devoted to the family, in spite of what I perceive to be emotional neglect.  I spend more time in an hour, with my cats, than they do with the dog all day. 

Anyway, lots of barking.  Didn't sleep well.  Had to work. 

I did, however, enjoy a beautiful cuddle with Torbie cat.  

Our soda delivery was so late Ron had to turn off the pickup, and reschedule for later.  There was a lot of drama around that. 

My cell phone was acting up "Please Insert Card", so I had to open it up and do surgery with my knife.  After some prayer and a few attempts, God led me to the solution.  Hopefully that won't be an ongoing issue. 

I love my phone but it does seem a bit glitchy.  Oh, well. 

I stocked the machines, helped Ron stock "his", restocked the fridge, made room for the soda delivery, got the soda delivery and put it away, I just realized I have no idea what I did with my back brace.  I sure hope I left it at work. 

Anyway, we had a very long day and left after 11.  That's just how it went today.  Every day is different in vending.

All the machines are behaving.

We had a good ride home with a driver I like.  I ate a snack and went straight to bed, exhausted.

I enjoyed yet more, wonderful, cuddles from Torbie and Biscuit.

Biscuit is doing very well on the canned food diet and purring a lot.  Good.   Since I'm the canned food feeder, I'm becoming his Favorite Person.

Ron and I talked about tomorrow, doing a Bible Handout in an area that got SMACKED by horrible flooding last week.  I figure they can really use it.  It is also a horribly crime stricken ghetto.

It also has a cheap, greasy, food place right where I want to work.  Perfect for Ron.

Everyone wins.  

Scattered Shower

I didn't sleep well.  I was happy, though, when I kicked my foot out, only to end up in fur.  Torbie had joined me in the bed for a cudd...