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Showing posts from June, 2015

"Merciful" a tale of 3 women

I have tried not to hear too much about the first woman.  She was disabled, in a group home, and left in a hot car to die.  They "found other injuries". 

The second woman tried to do everything for her quadraplegic mother, at home.  It ended her marriage.  The day her husband said he was leaving, she murdered her mother.  Ultimate caregiver burnout. 

Then you have me. 

I am not a proponent of group homes.  Maybe I just see "the dregs".  Maybe only the worst and most terrible group homes use the paratransit service.  I don't know.  But what I do see is horrific.  Unwashed, unfed, in dirty diapers.  Bad behavior.  Warehousing.  I look at the residents and think, I was expected to put Ron somewhere like that?   And I'm crazy, because I said no? 

I can't think of anyone I hate enough to put in a group home.  And they're big business, $30-50K a year, per resident. 

One of our drivers complained very bitterly, to us, one day.  He had always admired the …

Foul weather cat

I had a horrific migraine all yesterday, last night, and most of this morning. 

I did manage, yesterday, to watch a sermon online and do my God Time.  Torbie was very cuddly.  She's my foul-weather cat.  She just lives here when things are good, but when I'm in pain or depressed, she is the most loving cat imaginable. 

It's been my experience, old cats are like that. 

I didn't manage much, yesterday, not even a shower. 

I slept horribly and "had" to get up early to go to work at 4 AM.  I managed a shower, did my God Time later.  I was surprised my hair didn't look worse. 

I did have a horrific deodorant failure and did my best to avoid my customers.  I remember applying it, I don't know what went wrong. 

At work, I filled the machines, received 2 deliveries, including 50 cases of canned soda, put them away, stocked, helped Ron stock.  If I had to summarize my job in one word, it's "stock". 

Finally done.  I was exhausted, I'd slept …

Not a puker

Dreadful headache today. 

I haven't even taken a shower, or eaten, all day. 

That's a nasty one. 

Oh, well, at least it's not a puker.

On a totally different note (about my cycle if you are squeamish or have sex issues with such)

I recently bought a menstrual cup.  A couple of them, if you'll pardon a very bad pun. 

Why?  A couple reasons. 

Of late, my cycle has been very predictable, yet highly erratic.  The timing is perfect, literally every 28 days, with rare, day or two later, exceptions. 

How-ev-er.... the cycle itself was horrific.  I had what seemed like buckets of blood every month, using up entire boxes of female products in just a few days, just knowing the inevitable anemia was causing me yet more fatigue. 

I have to assume I could see all that again, given the "Right" circumstances.  It's a rather depressing thought. 

I also had severe hot flashes, exacerbated by my medication.  I do heavy manual labor, for a living.  That didn't help either and I worried they would think I was taking "illegals". 

I started taking phytoestrogens for the problem.  They are, basically, plant hormones.  I was hoping they would help with the migraines (but they didn't).  I have taken…

Winnowing

I find it ironic. 

Today I was castigated by one of the "rainbow people".  She had the flag over her face, as her profile photo.  I was called an F-ing B. and worse, because I said people who die in sin go to hell, and I don't want that. 

Ron said, "Hell scares her". 

"It should".  Was I offended?  No, a little weary.  Sometimes evangelism is like beating my head against a brick wall, as it curses me for doing so. 

If you call me an idiot in my comments section, do you really expect me to post it?  Or was it more, "like", a private comment? 

God talked about separating the wheat from the tares, or chaff.  From Wikipedia:
Wind winnowing is an agricultural method developed by ancient cultures for separating grain from chaff. It is also used to remove weevils or other pests from stored grain. Threshing, the loosening of grain or seeds from the husks and straw, is the step in the chaff-removal process that comes before winnowing.

In its simples…

I would have been really depressed

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A few weeks ago, Chobani came out with a yogurt commercial, featuring lesbians in an "intimate" relationship, and eating the yogurt, I presume.

Today, I saw the brand, drastically discounted, at Walmart, from $1 each to 71 cents.  I chose to buy other brands that did not promote "the lifestyle", even though I am very cheap.

As a born again Christian living in what I believe to be an end times world, I don't often get a vote in current events, except election day.  Then the guy I voted for sleeps with the devil, or allows a mentally ill person to live in squalor until he commits suicide... but that's another story.

I do vote with my dollar, choosing, if at all possible, to avoid companies that overtly support an unBiblical lifestyle.  I give my money to the yogurt company with the nice young black man in the grocery store, talking about [gasp] the virtues of the yogurt! 

Sigh.  I don't know what we would do at work if one of the soda companies comes out i…

I can't sell excuses

Oh, I'm tired. 

Knowing I'm depressed, I took my shower last night.  Properly medicated, I tend to have more energy and motivation in the evening. 

I find that frustrating, sometimes.  "My mood finally improved and now I have to go to bed".  However, if I take my mood stabilizers earlier in the day, I develop the IQ of a gnat.  That's a problem when I have to run a business! 

So, I took the shower, let my hair dry, and went to bed.  I slept in an hour later, causing Ron to panic.  He actually woke me up so I could take my shower, even though I told him last night. 

Or maybe I just smelled that bad. 

We went to the warehouse.  Our goal: 3 cases bottled Coke.  They did not have any.  Again.  They didn't have Sprite, either. 

Everyone was very apologetic but I can't sell excuses!  We went to work and stocked. 

Ron called the other warehouse.  They had the product.  He called Truck Guy #1, who picked us up. 

Oh, boy.  It just turned into Truck Day. 

I'd m…

Wasn't fun

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That
Wasn't
Fun. 

But it does illustrate why I'm still married:

Monday morning we have a delivery. Have to get it.

So, I took some OTC pain reliever for my nasty headache and we headed off to work. The headache progressed.

Soon I had a full blown migraine. Happily, I didn't need to do much so I did the minimum and waited to go.

However, we had to go to the bank and deposit quarters. Migraine progressing. We took paratransit (if you don't know, we are both non-driving) to the bank.

We made the deposit. Yay. I almost yakked all over the floor of the bank, but he gave me some chewable peptos he holds for me. That helped a little.

My head was killing me. He gave me the sunglasses he keeps for me. That helped. I put them on over my glasses.

He sat down in the seating area, armless, backless, cubes. I laid down and put my head in his lap (get your mind out of the gutter!). He called paratransit. They would not be coming for an hour.

That's not acceptable, he sa…

Simple

I hate when I'm depressed. 

No motivation or inspiration. I feel lazy, I already covered unmotivated.  I am extremely fatigued.  I have ugly moods, full of despair, hopelessness, bitterness, and just plain ugly.  I obsess about things and can't get the trigger out of my head.  I HATE the thought of letting that out on the internet.  If it does absorb our thoughts and feelings in some way I'll disease it.  Even medicated, I still experience this.  It's far worse without medication.  Doc was very clear: the goal is not to eradicate my illness.  Clinically, in fact, I am doing a lot better.  I am finally hitting average (baseline) moods for days at a time. 

He can't eliminate the ups and downs - this is a doctor with 50 years' experience.  What they can do is turn down the knob, to moderate the severity of my symptoms, and get me to a more functional level.
 Ron is not interested in moving into assisted living anymore.  Who can forget "All I need is a bed and…

Painful

While I'd love to believe I'm a deep, spiritual, compassionate soul, I can be very petty at times. 

Example, my debit card. 

The Bible says not to brag about your good deeds, or you will lose your reward.  So I will be a little evasive. 

I have 3 charity debits every month.  I budget for them as a matter of course.  It's just part of the routine, get paid, minus X for debits, prescriptions, Doc, etc.  Maybe I want to put $20 to spend online.  I go to the bank and make my deposit.  The debits come out on their appointed days. 

It's pretty painless. 

However, my card got hacked.  I had to turn it off.  I am getting some very diplomatic, to plaintive, emails from my charities.  "Your card didn't process".  Damn right it didn't, I didn't want to get defrauded, but that means I need to make it right with the charities. 

Which brings up a point: Right now, the money is "mine".  I can spend it "however I want" because "no one…

Juneteenth Handout

We got all the way to the corner when I realized: I'd forgotten the Bible Bag.  I'd left it, as it turns out, sitting in my chair.  At least I didn't leave it on the porch! 

Special moments for special people.  My memory/medication - not great. 

"At least I didn't forget the sign" I told Ron cheerfully.  That was a truly difficult handout when I did.  People were very alarmed when I walked up to their cars, waving the Bibles, but I did manage to hand them all out with God's help. 

I held the Bibles in my left hand, using one finger to brace the sign on my left, gripping it firmly on the right.  It caused some cramping, but nothing too bad. 

Yesterday I gave 3 Spanish Bibles to one of my drivers.  He was very upset about Donald Trump, and I told him only God had the answer, would he like some Bibles?  He was delighted. 

So, today I brought a few, even though Acres Homes is primarily black.  I did hand them out at the end of the Handout.  A car pulled up, G…

Game ON

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Oh, yes I did.  And they were gone in minutes. 


I woke up horribly depressed, did my God Time later.  I always feel like He'd rather have me at full capacity -which I know is wrong. 

We went to the warehouse.  I knew I didn't have much in the way of snacks.  I bought what I needed.  We had a good ride to work.  I stocked, helped Ron, etc. 

It's always tricky for me, what is my first duty?  Helping Ron?  Or filling the machines?  I split it 50/50.  If it doesn't appear to involve blood, Ron herniating himself, or a broken vending machine I will try to stock.  If I'm done with stocking, I'll push him up and down the hall for the rest of the day, if he wants. 

All the machines are behaving. 

I did lose my temper.  One guy stole a package of crackers as I stocked, then claimed he was "joking". 

I objected.  He fished out a dollar and gave it to me.  

I told him not to do that again. 
1.  I didn't have change. I had to close the machine and run a tran…

Is it working?

We went to Walmart this morning after a dull and uneventful night. 

I found they were sold out of:
small $1 candles.
Vienna sausage
dry blackeyed peas
emergency ration bars

Surprisingly, they had a well stocked battery display.  They must keep extra stock on hand. 

The store was pretty empty, we had some rain bands come in.  That's an interesting feature of tropical events, the rain comes in ripples, driven by the wind. 

"You know" my driver told me "{meteorologists crying wolf} Are the reason no one left before Katrina!"  I could tell she was from New Orleans. 

I guess I can see her point.  You put your life on hold for days, and nothing.  Except now you're out: time, stress, and money. 

I am very happy we didn't have any serious damage.  VERY happy. 

I didn't buy hurricane related items, but I did get a few items I thought would be useful.  I really like my 5-led cheapo dollar store flashlight, so I was very happy to find a 9 led for the same pric…

Are we still going to Walmart?

Tropical Storm Bill is here. 

The rain started out as an off and on drizzle, Sunday night.  It has steadily increased.  Just now I heard thunder. 

Ron called Metrolift to tease them today.  "Are we still going to Walmart?"  They got a good laugh out of that. 

We are probably not going anywhere until Thursday, if that. 

The rain is heavier, it's gloomy, and I hear more thunder.  As of this moment, about 700 people in our electric distribution grid are out of power.  Not bad, but it's going to get a lot worse. 

Remember, I am fine. 


Tropical thing

First things first, got the vending machine fixed.  "They broke the levelers".  We took them off. 

Right after he left, I got 2 deliveries and stocked.  Right after that, the boss lady walks in to do an inspection. 

She was very impressed, and gave us a perfect score.  Yay! 

We had a long day at work.  They had the news on so I knew the tropical thing was headed our way. 

We got home and I took a nap.  I was surprised, I slept badly last night, but I only needed about 2 hours. 

Of course, I had Biscuit.  I picked him up and took him to bed, and he laid down with me, grooming himself.  It put me to sleep immediately.  We had a good nap and I didn't squash him.  Yay! 

I worry so much about that, and often beg God "Please don't let me squash [the cat]".  I got up and did some organizing, since I had the energy. 

Now, when I had Bubba (the black cat), he rarely brought home live rats on occasion, releasing them into the house.  Sometimes it would take him a whi…

Steadily

I was pretty upset last night about the vandalism, until I did my God time.  I read through the Bible every year, and last night had an Old Testament crisis:  countless bad guys on the way to destroy Israel.  The king had a huge assembly at the temple and basically turned the problem over to God.  God spoke through one of the Levites (the priestly tribe), and said "Stand back and let God fight your battle for you".  Sure enough, the next day, all the bad guys were dead and the good guys did some serious looting.  It also applies to my case, so leaving it to God.

We may have a tropical thing coming to Houston. 

Right after the flooding of a few weeks ago.  That would suck. 

I'm charging all my electronics and drinking my milk.  There's not a whole lot I can do but I have done that. 

It's been raining pretty steadily for the last hour or so.

Had a dumb

Not really a day off. 

I had a hard time falling asleep.  I kept getting up to pee (medication). 

I doubt I retain a cc of water. 

Got up, went to the bank.  We came home.  Ron wanted to go to the mall because he killed his cell phone.  Our ride was almost an hour late.  Which meant Ron had to rearrange his pickup from the mall. 

Ron got a basic prepaid flip.  No one told us it talked, but I figured it out.  I also had to reprogram his whole phone book.  His old phone was so old they had to change the SIM card. 

I think, in the long run, he's going to love the thing.  It yells the name of everyone who calls when they call.  "Call from HEATHER!"  He likes that. 

Of course they have to be in the phone book, but I already put in about 30 numbers. 

Our ride was late, picking us up. 

We finally got home.  I took a nap.  Ron charged his phone (poor things always get so run down waiting to be purchased!). 

I begged God for some sleep, and I got it.

I haven't gotten my new…

"I am praying for you"

What a terrible day. 

First: yesterday off.  The dog next door has been barking a lot every night, which exhausts me.  Ron wanted to go to Carl's Junior so we did that.  I came home, took my meds, took a nap.  I ate enough fries. 

See, if I eat chicken, and take lithium, I get horribly ill.  I have to eat enough "other" food, fat and protein, to cushion the "blow" or I will be prostrate. 

I had been craving a grilled BBQ chicken sandwich from Carl's.  They are excellent.  I dripped sauce all over myself but so what.  It was good, and they have an excellent whole grain bun.  And I ate plenty of fries.  I took a short nap. 

When I got up, I watched some TV and computer in the front rooms, and went back to my bedroom to do some organizing.  I heard horrific screams, sounded like kids burned alive.  Turns out #6 got a wading pool. 

I was OK with it, really, but one of the little girls was emitting earsplitting screams at the top of her lungs, every few minutes.…

Today: rather traumatic

I did something really, incredibly, stupid. 

Then I "told". 

As you may have figured out, I like to tweak my disaster kit.  I have had disaster too often in my life; I expect it.  I aim to be ready when it comes. 

For instance, when I spoke to the manager of the pet store, after hurricane Ike, he said he was shocked how many people were beating down his door because they had run out of pet food. 

So, I have an extra couple bags. 

While reading an internet forum thread about Mexican Pharmacies, I thought "Wouldn't it be great if I could get some antibiotics online". 

I envisioned a nice little stash of antibiotics, something for bladder infections and Ron's ever present leg ulcers.  I placed my order, giving my debit card number, expiration, and even the magic number on the back (874). 

It had a big USPS logo, assuring fast shipping and package tracking.  Well, I thought, it must be OK if USPS is on board.  Right? 

Oh, the stupid.  It burns. 

I got an email …

Longer day

It was pretty busy at work yesterday.  We had to do accounting stuff and the regular stocking.  I was exhausted even after my nap. 

I did sleep with Torbie, and Biscuit (he's the one with the gray left eyepatch, and is more gray overall).  It is lovely to sleep with them, although I always worry about squashing them. 

I did that once with Bubba.  I woke up in the middle of the night with him flailing underneath me.  I'd rolled over on top of him. 

Poor Bubs, but he forgave me, and still slept with me after that.  All my cats have been so sweet. 

Today was my day off.  "I don't want to do accounting."  I told him "I don't want to go to the bank" (as we did last week).  "I don't even want to do a Bible Handout"  "I want to sleep in and maybe go to Walmart."  So, that's what we did. 

I have plenty of food. 

I slept in late enough. 

Not to whine, and I wouldn't know normal if it bit me, but I wake up tired, always.  I tak…

Flood Carnival

I woke up on time but found my hair really tangled.  It took me forever to get it brushed out and washed. 

We went to church. 

I was very excited to see a huge food service semi truck, various mobile homes, large tents, Red Cross armored trucks, etc.  It looked like the Flood Carnival had come to town. 

"Oh" I kept thinking "I could do a Handout!"  The thought kept persisting.

After church, I ran over to the workers (Southern Baptist volunteers) and asked if I could set up a table to distribute Bibles.  They will get back to me.  I gave them my name, phone number, and Facebook.

Mainly so they could see this ain't my first rodeo.

If this works out, I would bring a folding table and all my inventory.  I'd affix the Free Bibles sign to the front of the table and sit in a chair.  I'd bring Ron's wheelchair.  We would sit and offer Bibles to interested parties, refusing all "donations" of course.  

However, I always and only want to do God…

Saturday

We had the day off. 

Got up early, went to Walmart.  While shopping, Ron threatened to spank a misbehaving child.  Happily, the mother found Ron "Very funny" and not at all offended. 

"One day" I told him "Some Mama Bear is going to kick your teeth in, and I won't be able to protect you".  I reminded him good parents are protective of their children.  Not to say the lady was a bad mother, but I'd have been pizzed. 

I got protein powder, milk, yogurt, and other wholesome items.  I plan to eat a lot of protein.  1.  I'm doing an awful lot of physical labor and 2.  It's better for my stomach

No nausea today, although I am battling some gas from one of the protein powders. 

I got home and tried to take a nap, but someone needed to come over.  Once he finally left I tried again, and managed to sleep a few hours.  I had odd dreams and very happy to wake up.  

I did my God time, some laundry, organizing, and worked on the computer.  All in all a…

I can smell the chocolate

Well, I slept with Torbie cat.  I can't recall any nightmares.  I'm calling it a good night's sleep. 

It's a good thing.  While I painstakingly applied deodorant, brushed my teeth, and brought my work items, I forgot the back brace.  Happily God took care of me. 

We went to the warehouse.  I needed everything - sales have exploded, and not just ours.  The other vendors were scrambling "A-holes and elbows" he said. 

My list was simple: Everything! 

I got Ron's items, and proceeded to stuff as much as I could in the cracks around Ron's merchandise.  I could have easily used two hand carts, if I had a bigger truck. 

I was careful to bring the ice chest, cleaned out and ready for service.  It just seems pointless to spend hundreds of dollars on chocolate and leave it lying in the sun, in a pickup truck bed, riding to work in 90 degrees.  Much better to put some cold packs into the ice chest and load it with chocolate.  I did that, but it took up a lot of…

Nightmares

Oh, so queasy. 

First, my day.  I had horrible, apocalyptic, nightmares, even with Torbie at my side.  [shudder]  Horrible, but she did help. 

I got up, exhausted, and took my shower, prepared for work.  Our ride came in a timely manner. 

I gave the driver a Bible.  He was, I believe, a muslim. 

He took it, in part, because I listen to God.  I don't talk down to anyone, we're all equals, this is really interesting and I'd like to share it.  He kept talking about the "nice" Bible - made me glad I did the Go Fund Me thing and got some nice ones. 

Don't get me wrong, I'll hand out just about anything, but a fake leather will beat a cheap paperback anyday. 

We got to work and the vending machines were completely decimated.  I stocked literally every bit of inventory I had.  Once I finished, I helped Ron with his tasks and worked on the food machine.  It was pretty frantic.

It also means we had to reschedule Truck Day for tomorrow.  Truck day is always a lot …

Mewtiful

Whew, I am tired.  Yesterday was a very long day. 

Happily, I had a good sleep with Mewtiful, aka Torbie (the fat brown/orange tabby in my slideshow).  She has been sleeping a lot, next to my head.  My favorite thing ever. 

However, it's been my experience that cats start doing that with me, right before they die (a couple years).  Well, I know she's old. 

I am certain Biscuit would step up and become "My" cat.  He already slept on my feet during my God Time today.  He was actually the first one out of the woods the day we met, and sat, perched on my shoulder, like some kind of ornament for a good 15 minutes.  He never did that again. 

Anyway, I believe in enjoying every moment. 

Biscuit continues to do well on his wet food diet.  He likes the cheap, meat-byproduct, cat food.  He won't really eat the nicer stuff. 

Baby Girl is sweet in her own distant way.  But I remind myself she will always sleep with me when I'm severely depressed.  We also have a little r…

Houston Hair Handout

"Never again" Ron moaned when we got home. 

I couldn't blame him.  We rode, total, over 4 hours just going to and from the Handout.  It had been a challenging day, but I'd already handed out 5 Bibles just going to and from Walmart.  When we got home, I found a gory bloodstain on the tiles. 

Oh, God, the cats brought something home and killed it.  I cleaned up the blood, only to find a live bird under the bookcase.  I stuck my hand under the edge and it "bit" me with it's beak, holding on tightly.  Good.  I used that to leverage the bird out and past some VERY interested kitty cats, putting it safely outside.  Cat door.  Not always a great idea.  It was a very common bird.  I don't know what made the bloodstain 'cause they ate it. 

I also tried to hydrate, and pee, as much as possible.  The only thing worse than a handout with a bursting bladder is a dehydrated one. 

When I found myself peeing about what I'd drunk a half hour earlier, I calle…

Glitchy

We had a long, stressful day at work. 

A day that started at 2 AM, after a night-time of doggy barking.  Ron can't hear the barking unless he's in the bathroom, and that's a very good thing.  He would be banging on their door every 5 minutes yelling at them otherwise. 

The way I see it, if they know the dog upsets us, they may be more inclined to keep her.  But if she's "only" bothering them, they have more motivation to get rid of her. 

Don't get me wrong, the dog seems devoted to the family, in spite of what I perceive to be emotional neglect.  I spend more time in an hour, with my cats, than they do with the dog all day. 

Anyway, lots of barking.  Didn't sleep well.  Had to work. 

I did, however, enjoy a beautiful cuddle with Torbie cat.  

Our soda delivery was so late Ron had to turn off the pickup, and reschedule for later.  There was a lot of drama around that. 

My cell phone was acting up "Please Insert Card", so I had to open it up …