Showing posts from May, 2009

A complete butt

Ron's nervous about the trip.

How can I tell? He did something stupid, acted like a complete butt, and now he's hiding in his room. Actually, I yelled at him, "I'm not bothering you, why don't you leave ME alone?" Amazingly, he complied!

It's more aggravation when I don't need it. One of my devotions tells me not to hold grudges, to forgive people before I pray, etc. -laugh- Appropriate.

Here comes trouble right now, headed for the kitchen. Anyway, even if he acted like a complete butt all week, guess what? That only reflects badly on him. I know I am a kind, loving, lovable person. Jesus died for ME.

Even when I feel like Ron doesn't value or respect me, I can hang on to that.

The last time...

Well, I'm packed. The vending machines are full.

Our bags are near the front door. All I need to do, tomorrow, is pack my brush, Ron's brush and deodorant, and my devotional book!

The last time I anticipated something this much, I had an inbound hurricane! This ought to be A LOT more fun.


I was nagging Ron about the cat treats recently. "It's like feeding a kid cheetos all the time, he needs to eat cat food!"

Ron started calling Bubba "Cheetos"now. "You are what you eat", as he doles out more treats. "He rumbles, Heather!" he'll wail as he dishes out more treats, and I'll walk in Ron's room to see a slobbering cat on Ron's pillow, inhaling cat treats.

Chuck came by today and we had a nice little visit. I told him of my concerns for Bubba, being all alone while we're gone. How I wished we could leave the cat door open.

"Heather, if you did that he'd take it as a personal challenge to fill up the house! You'd probably find an Eagle when you got home!"

So true.

Matthew 6:20

Matthew Chapter 6:19 “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be. It's a good thing I do store up my treasures in Heaven! A neighbor just came to tell me she got burgled; and some other houses in the area have also been robbed as well. Eeek. We'll be out of town next week, and that's prime time for a theft. Ron ordered something off the internet and it may arrive while we're gone. Someone might break in... might. But then, Who do I trust? Really, do I have anything a criminal would value? No. Well, maybe that expired bottle of pain pills in the disaster kit but that's it. My computer runs Windows 2000, which is a good indicator of its' age as well. Ron's computer might fetch $40, and my television…

My dilemma

I have two problems, actually, both involving a certain plump black cat.

First, Daddy has a problem with the cat treats. I swear, I have not seen that cat eat cat food in months! He's always begging for treats, treats treats! Ron says he doesn't feed him "many" but how many is many?

I have told both Ron and the cat that I'm not ready to lose another cat. He's got to start eating his dry food.

Which leads me to issue number 2. Bubba likes to hunt. See above rat photo. He likes to bring his prey in through the cat door and chase it around the house! I've come home, to live mockingbirds on the bookcase! How un-Texan! Hunting the State Bird! Shame on you, Bubba! When we leave town next week, it seems obvious that we'll have to close the pet door. We can't let Bubba bring God-knows-what into the house for 4 days. I shudder to think... Yuck. Enough said. However, Bubba's first "family" moved and left him to starve. They locked…

Yes, I blogged about that.

I don't like to flush when I pee in the middle of the night. I still have lingering vestiges of "toilet monster" fear as Ron phrased it... I used to be terrified of flushing toilets due to a bad experience as a toddler. Also, it wakes Ron up, and he has a hard enough time sleeping as it is.

I always get up and pee in the middle of the night, go back to bed. Wake up, pee, back to bed. Maybe a third time. It's the lithium. It acts as a diuretic.

Boy, is it the lithium. When I went in the bathroom today it REEKED. Lithium has an off metallic odor and it's very distinctive. Ron and I kid each other that he'll know if I'm off my pills because my urine will smell pleasant!

I actually found the smell comforting when I first started my medication. Something was different, I was taking steps to heal myself. Every time I urinated I was reminded I was going to get better, because I'd already started taking my medication.

The "If it's yellow, …

Picky, picky.

Well, my theory was correct. I lost some mass in my abdomen.

Now I can wear size 10's, most anything Walmart has on the rack. Yeah! I am also a lot clearer thinking too. Thank. God!

I've had some time to think about a situation recently. I used to post a lot on a certain message board. I was very ill at the time and I wasn't banned, amazingly.

One memorable post I told a guy I could see why his wife left him! Ack!

Anyway, I tried to log back in and let them know I was "better" but I think they deleted my account. The board split and someone encouraged me to visit the "other" board.

I have visited. I was not pleased when someone doubted my salvation (not a believer himself). I had shared a very painful event where I became suicidally depressed. The person in the chat room making "Jokes" about killing my cat. The fact that the guy who was so awful to me was never publicly rebuked. Today, the fact that they were mocking people with …


I think everyone probably has a relative or knows someone; the one who's always griping about various medical conditions, never has a positive word to say about anything. My adopted Mom had an aunt like that... and a visit to Aunt Gloom was always a grim recitation of ailments and a list of various medical procedures to accompany same. All she ever did was complain, it seemed.

I try to take great care not to do that, but I've been feeling very afflicted recently. "I have tested thee in the furnace of affliction - Isaiah 48:10 " God is speaking.

Well, He's testing me. First it was a couple week long mixed episode, broken up by a toxic episode. Now I'm just incredibly fatigued and wonder why God needs me this way.

Is it the heat? Am I that sensitive to heat these days? Will I have to hide in the air conditioning until October? No more days out?

Part of it is just low blood pressure due to medication... and I have to watch my blood sugars too. But even…

No one comes between me and God

This one's a little tricky. Yesterday I had a migraine so please forgive any mistakes.

Ron's got an annoying habit of late; and I figured out he's playing games. I'll hand out a Bible to someone, he talks about how, according to his interpretation of Revelation 21, God is coming back for us in a giant spaceship. You can imagine how that goes over with the average person.

I tried to talk to him about it, he got an attitude with me. I've decided, I will say, "Well, that's his interpretation, but you read it (the Bible) for yourself and you can draw your own conclusion." Ron can't object to that - he's always said he prides himself on being logical.

If he does damage "My Witness" than that's on him, not me. God will rebuke him, I don't need to do anything except keep handing out those Bibles! I had the thought, a few moments, ago, that perhaps people will be more drawn to read the Bibles I hand out. "If it helps he…


I'm listening to one of my favorite songs, "Fanatics Raeggaton" by 116 Clique, and thinking about my role and obligations as a Christian.

Is it my job to judge? Absolutely not. Even Jesus said it wasn't his job to judge the world!

Is it my job to share my faith, in a non-offensive way. Absolutely. That's why I hand out the Bibles. I hope everyone gets as much healing and comfort from them as I do.

I need to get ready to go, but I felt I ought to share that while I was thinking about it. Have a good one!

Oh, and I need to do my Bible study! [laugh]

Today's a better day.

My mood is better and I feel great. I'm down the pounds I was up due to my cycle... and that's wrapping up as I type. I hope this sticks for a few weeks!

Hm. The sound of a very fat cat jumping outside. Must be Bubba!

Time to eat a sausage on a stick and take my pills, it ought to be a busy day today.

Get all the insanity over with..

What's that supposed to mean, Heather?

Well, some days I wake up crazy. I don't like it. Generally, I've had horrible, vivid dreams all the night before. I didn't sleep well, and when I get up I'm exhausted and revved up at the same time.

I can't trust my thoughts.. I have to examine them and decide if it's "me" or illness talking. For instance, a few days ago, I was feeling very irritable. Someone smiled at me and I wanted to yell at her. That's not "me". "Heather" is a naturally outgoing, cheerful, loving person. I chat with complete strangers all the time. I love to interact. So, wanting to isolate myself and feeling hostile - that's the illness.

I do it automatically now. Now that I know I have an illness, it's easier to explain the strange thoughts I have at times.

If I feel "unusual energy" then I know I'm manic. Ha. I put my music on random play... "Control" came up. How …

Some would think I'm mean.

Some people are going to read this and be angry.

I recently turned in a neighbor to animal control. His son brought home a dog, and the homeowner made it clear in my hearing that he didn't want to "Spend any money" on the dog. They would dump food on the ground, no bowl. The dog was very cute, and very loving.

I'd throw him a fake milk-bone now and then, but I noticed the dog was getting thinner and thinner. When you can see BACKBONES, that's a bad sign. The dog (a pit bull) became more aggressive, barking constantly (due to hunger and neglect).

My husband called in a "Welfare Check" for the dog, and it's gone now. I'm glad. The dog deserves to be treated well, and if they can't man up to take care of the dog then they need to give it up. It's torture.

Another Metrolift passenger lives nearby. She is a dog person and has made that clear, they live in the house, sleep on the couch.

I saw a thin black cat in her yard. I asked if …

Thank you, Pharmacy Techs!

I was watching an episode of Intervention. The addict was a young man with bipolar disorder. He refused to take medication.

Watching it, I remembered I needed a refill on my medication. I called my Walmart.

Now, I'm spoiled. I call, and the tech recognizes my voice. I remind her of my birthday and she asks me what I want refilled. I tell her and she does it. The next day, I pick it up.

This tech told me I didn't have refills on some of my meds (??? One of them has like 40 refills), and seemed very confused. It made me realize how fortunate I am to have "my" people in the pharmacy.

When I see them tomorrow, I'll have a bag of Snickers in hand, because I love them. Without these wonderful folk, I'd be in BIG TROUBLE. I'd be dead, or living under an overpass.

If you work in a pharmacy, thank you. Y'all are saving lives, one pill at a time.

Glory in my infirmities?

I'm fairly overmedicated so I may ramble a bit.

Last week I handed out all the Bibles I bought, and then I ordered more. I hope I did some good for God, and allowed Him to reach people who need His peace.

However, I can't help but wonder if my evangelism sparked an attack from the devil. I had a horrible mixed episode... still have it. When I sleep, I have nightmares about sex and cannibalism, dripping blood everywhere, zombies, warewolves, etc. It's just horrible. This has happened before.

Not only that, I've been VERY irritable. A woman I didn't know greeted me today, and I got angry. Oy. I didn't let it show, I've had to be good at covering up my illness, but I couldn't help but wonder WHAT THE HECK? I'm sick. Boy, am I sick.

I hate having this illness and brain damage too, but it allows me to reach people that God would not otherwise be able to reach. So, I have to look at it like that. God needs me this way. I truly believe that wi…

I'm a tract-er

Last week I decided to get some New Testament Bibles and hand them out to people. I feel God's leading me to do this. What's the worst that could happen? People already know I'm different, I'm very open about my disability and mental illness. I'm obviously happily married to a very disabled man 20 years older than me. What's a "Bible Lady" stamp on top of that?

So, I got some very nice ESV New Testaments. 80 cents each. I also got some "Footprints" postcards to use as bookmarks in the Bibles. So, they get the Footprints card inside an entire New Testament. The Bibles have a nice little area "What to read when you're feeling:___" section and a salvation plan. Good. All bases covered.

I bought them, they were shipped, and got here days early. I think God may have had something to do with that [wink]. I've already given over half of them away (I ordered 35 total).

Mom and Dad encouraged me to sign up for a free s…