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Showing posts from January, 2014

I love my job; a dilemma

"Heather" the note read "Planters Nuts are Better." 

I'd dug a note out of the snack machine, and I had to laugh as I read the note.  I love my customers, they are incredibly direct.  They'll tell me "This tastes like crap" or ask me to carry more of whatever they like.  They also request new things, on occasion, which I encourage. 

After all I always spy on the brown baggers, seeing what they've packed in their lunch.  Can I duplicate it?   I enjoy the challenges, too.  Most of the time. 

Today we got up very early, went to the warehouse.  We got canned soda today, and some snack items.  We went to work and were in the process of stocking with the big boss arrived. 

Here's the hierarchy: us, supervisor (yesterday), senior supervisor.  He's the one who showed up.  We'll call him Jack. 

Jack was delighted to find us stocking full vending machines.  He was very happy the bottled vendor was fully stocked with bottled water and so…

A rough day: or leaving a bunch of stuff up to God.

I need to vent, but I'll try to do it without being toxic. 

1.  I had a horrible nightmare.  I had gone "fishing" and caught some clams, a fish, and 2 snakes.  One of the snakes, the green one, kept trying to get out of my bag.  I had to ride public transit and I had to keep shoving the snake into the bag.  I knew I'd have to eat the "catch", all of it, but didn't know how to dress out a snake.  That was a concern.  It got wierder, me walking around my hometown looking for my old house, holding the bag  with the "catch" and the snake still trying to get out.  I didn't want to eat the snake, or even the fish.  I found it revolting.  UGH. 

So, I started off on that note. 

I read a great book about 20 years ago "Contact, the first 4 minutes".   The book explained that the first 4 minutes of contact with someone will set their opinion of you and the mood for the day.  If I go wake up Ron ranting about noisy neighbors, we're go…

Depression sucks

A lot of my online friends are very upset about politics and have a lot to say.  I am not upset, and don't really have anything to say. 

1.  Everything is happening the way God set it up. 
2.  Things are monitored. 

I know, laugh at me and call me paranoid, after all I do take an antipsychotic.  But I have no desire to blabber anyway.  I keep my political opinions to myself. 

It's pretty hard to stay upset when I have a cute spotted kitty under my chair, anyway.  Baby Girl is lying under my chair, on her side, with her front legs extending outward, a position of perfect comfort and trust. 

Her love language is sleeping under my chair while I'm on the computer.  Torbie's a little more paws-on, getting on my chest and purring at me.  Needless to say my allergies have been a little more aggressive of late. 

That's how I got the day off, apparently.  I woke up coughing pretty bad, and Ron freaked out.  He cancelled the trips for today.  I think he might have been…

Background

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I grew up on the northeast coast, about an hour inland. 

We had a lot of snow and winter weather.  I've always loved the snow; and always hated the ice.  When we moved to CA, I didn't miss the ice but I hated the dismal chilly drizzles.  We got down to freezing once or twice.  I remember seeing snow topped foothills, far above us. 

For flatlanders like my family, we thought they were mountains.  Here's a nice example: 

That's one regret: I WISH Ron and I had done more hiking before his accident.  As it is, we only went hiking once.  He kept teasing me about my water consumption, which led to one of his endearments for me: "My little camel". 

I know, sounds horrible.  But he says it so sweetly. 

I was so happy when we moved to Houston.  In CA, we had a pretty severe temperature drop pretty much every night, say about 20 degrees.  That doesn't sound too bad, but what if you only got up in the 60's?  We even determined the absolute worst temperature…

A couple of gripes

If you don't want negative energy feel free to skip.  Now and then things bottle up and I get so peeved I have to do one. 

1.  Pit bulls that get out, acting agressively, and are shot.  Then everyone acts like the dog is the victim.  If the dog is off your property and someone feels threatened, they are ALLOWED to defend themselves.  What are they supposed to do, allow themselves to get eaten? 

Someone's going to say "Not all pits are that way".  I know that.  I was chosen by a huge black pit bull I named Happy back in 2004.  Happy desperately wanted to be my dog, and my insurance company said Hell NO.  We tried to place him with a rescue but no one wanted him.  I had to call the shelter.  It broke my heart. 

However, the majority of the pits I have encountered have been VERY human aggressive, and that's a problem.  Every pit I've known has also been animal aggressive, too, attacking other animals. 

Put a Golden with a cat and they'll be friends, or t…

Insanity sucks

I slept about 10 hours last night and woke up tired. 

It's my new normal.   I'm.  Going. To.  Be.  Tired.  I don't like it, who would? 

Insanity sucks a lot more. 

I like the life I have.  People tell me I'm funny.  Ron says he loves the way I interact with the customers, fill the machines, and take care of him (and our cats). 

When I call my family I don't usually go to voicemail, and when I do it's because they really were unavailable.  I don't often hallucinate, and I'm not generally paranoid or delusional.  I have anxiety issues, but that's to be expected. 

I agree with my doctor: anti-anxiety drugs are OUT.  "They wake up parts of the brain you really want dormant" he told me, in full instructor mode (he teaches).  He says my caffeine intake is fine (less than 450 mg).  I do what I can on my own. 

It's not debilitating.  I only really get panic attacks around traffic (post-traumatic) and heights (I fell down a steep flight of…

"Oh No!"

Ron had a paratransit dispatcher sputtering today. 

Each client is issued a number.  The client calls in to find out about their rides.  They can use an automated system or talk to a real person.  The automated system is faster. 

*Important note* the client can also make their own rides from a list of their top 20 destinations.  Ron usually does this.  Fewer mistakes. 

We had a pretty simple day today.  I got to sleep in and got up at 8.  I showered, did my God time, and watched the weather.  We may get some snow tonight; a big deal for Houston. 

We had snow back in 2009.  We also had snow in 2004; but in 2009 I was actually out riding the bus .  I was out there for hours.  I forgot that snow is wet, and I needed to waterproof my long coat for the future (I have the stuff, but I never got around to doing the coat). 

Anyway, it looks like we may get some.  I'd like to see it.  I know the kids would love it.  Drivers, not so much. 

Which brings me to this: when Ron called the …

Hopeful

I'm running depressed but I'm still pretty functional. 

I'm debating, for instance, how to "do up" my pills.  I have a weekly organizer.  I also have an incoming supplement shipment.  Do I wait for the supplements and then do up?  Or do I do up a few days tonight?  Probably the latter, I think. 

I'm generally not super functional at pill time, so I need to have it done up and ready for ingestion. 

A good example of the new normal: we went to the wholesale club.  Even after talking to Ron twice while shopping, I still forgot the bottled water.  I had to go back and do a second transaction.  Ron was very nice about it. 

When I get "foggy" he tends to get amused; which is better than anger at God or frustration with me.  It's still hard not to feel like he's laughing at me.  He swears he isn't; I believe him. 

My "problem" seems to have resolved pretty nicely.  I used "free" laundry detergent on everything that'…

"My Kind"

"I'm as upset" I told Ron "As if I walked into church and found them having an orgy!" 

Ron snorted.  I continued. 

I have a couple safe places online.  Here, Facebook, and a Christian message board (un-named). 

As you know, I've been pretty upset about the case in Texas, with the brain dead pregnant woman taken off life support.  Why?  Because her husband and mother decided they didn't want a baby with disabilities.  They were very clear on that, them and their attorney. 

I, of course, got pretty upset.  As a disabled person married to another person with disabilities, I don't like to hear of "my kind" being "put down". 

Who would?  I know it happens, especially with the advances in ultrasound technology and prenatal testing.  It doesn't mean I like it. 

I know some wonderful people, online and in person (one a relative) who make a point of adopting special children.  The child could have had a home. 

I know a lot of v…

Skip this if if you're a guy prone to lust issues.

It's always interesting, walking the line between honesty and taste. 

I have an annoying problem.  Involving part of my chest.  It is very, very, itchy.  I won't name the actual body part (that's my concession to "taste"). 

I found a cold compress to be helpful.  I also tried some oral benadryl.  I'm not very worried.  I also washed everything that touches the area, with some "free" detergent - no dyes or perfumes.  Ron was a little confused at Walmart when I told him I was looking for "Free detergent".  Huh?  Don't you have to pay?  [grin] 

One not-very-well talked about issue with antipsychotics are their effect on the breast.  They can make breasts grow (mine sure did!).  They can make breasts lactate (no comment).  They can make the patient have wierd sensations in the breast, and occasional breast pain.  I do. 

It's not malignant - the antipsychotic affects the levels of a hormone known as prolactin.  Prolactin works a lot…

He's Dead!

I generally don't like to post my schedule, or my neighors'.  I have to wonder if the guys who robbed us might have read the blog, but from what my neighbor saw I doubt it.  My neighbors' business is theirs, not mine to post. 

Unless of course someone's house burns down and I'm trying to get some donations.  I could see that (happily no one has). 

I was disappointed.  If you read my next post it's about a woman on life support.  Most people agree with "the family" in the article.  I think, if you do agree, it's a huge step forward towards medical care restrictions, death panels, and eugenics. 

Admittedly I have a "dog" in the ring, if you can call Ron that!  [laugh]  11 years ago "the professionals" were very eager to terminate Ron's life support.  Even after he was off the ventilator (he improved so much he only "needed" it for 2 days...

Funny story on that.  When they took Ron off the ventilator, he's bre…

The future

I'm going to talk about abortion and euthanasia. 

You might not think abortion would have a lot to do with this case.

Here's a summary: pregnant woman collapses.  Upon arrival at the hospital, she is deemed "brain dead".  Hospital keeps her on life support, husband says no, let the baby die. 

I should also add (I am a person with a disability married to same), the baby is different.   There are leg problems, and water on the brain (easily fixed with a shunt).  

The father has said he doesn't want a disabled baby.  He wants to get rid of it.  The attorney also had a lot of "might have" and "possiblys" such as "could have had a lack of oxygen".   Every press release I've heard from "the family" has had a lot of supposition. 

I'm sure you have your own opinion.  Would you want your loved one kept alive on life support to bear a child, and then let go (there are several precedents and all the babies were fine)?  Wha…

Red Wool Blanket

Ron and I waited by the side of the road, in our winter wear.  Ron wore a garbage bag over his jacket and slacks.  He sat on a folding stool. 

I stood next to him, wearing long underwear layered with a t-shirt, hoodie, jacket, jeans, wool socks, a knit hat, and a scarf I made a while back.  Over it all, I wrapped myself in a red wool blanket.  I imagine we made quite a spectacle.  The driver sure had a good time laughing when she stopped to load us.

Today was, I guess I'd say the "new standard".  I got up at 5, shower, God Time.  I cleaned the cat's water fountain and refilled it with filtered water.  I tend to spoil those I love. 

I knew it would be cold so I brought my cold weather bag - garbage bags, plastic bags, a blanket, hat, gloves, etc. 

We went to the warehouse and got some inventory, bottled soda.  I got a few snack items.  We went to work and stocked. 

One of the construction guys came over and introduced himself; he used to deliver our pastries.  He…

OMG yum yum noises

I tend to forget things. 

Today, at Walmart Ron asked for tomatoes.  A while back, I got him 2 boxes of assorted gourmet cherry tomatoes.  Ron loves tomatoes and ate both in a few days. 

"I'm sorry" he apologized

"Ron," I told him "I want you to eat them all!"  He was happy.  He was really happy when I told him I hate all tomatoes unless I'm the one who grew them. 

The last time I went to the dollar store (the 99cent store actually) they didn't have the tomatoes.  They did have some salad mix but I didn't have my cold bag. 

Ron has asked for more tomatoes, off and on, since.  I generally forget. 

His right leg is bothering him some so I told him I'd make him some protien shakes, which I will when he finishes eating his chicken.  I made him one and he loved it. 

I use the Body Fortress Chocolate Peanut Butter whey protein powder, obtained at Walmart.  I put it in whole milk. 

I had a talk with Ron recently.  "Just because y…

I may end up in a ditch but I'm OK with that.

The driver was horrified.  "You did what?"

"I called the police" I repeated.  "They were very interested to hear about him." 

"You can't do that!" she uttered, distraught.  It's then I remembered the old ghetto code "Snitches in ditches/snitches with stitches". 

Well, I may end up in a ditch but I'm OK with that. 

It's my day off.  We just went to Walmart.  Everyone in public is sick and we really didn't need anything outside a Walmart. 

Our ride was late, and then she had some other pickups.  She wasn't the best driver.  I got pretty carsick and that never happens. 

She began exclaiming as we approached an intersection, and I leaned forward to look (I was seated in the back because the other client had spread her stuff out all around her on the seats).  I saw a beautiful, new pickup.  The body was perfect, but the back window was completely bashed out. 

As we passed him, I saw everything on the driver'…

Depression is back.

I'll describe the computer room.  I'm sitting at a computer, typing.  I face 2 windows covered in cheap cream colored curtains.  The left curtain is ripped.  The cats like to get into the window and claw the curtain.  Behind me you'll find a loveseat covered in an orange sheet.  One end of the loveseat faces the doorway.  The other end buts into my God Stuff bookcase.  I have some Bibles, devotionals, etc.  I sit on the loveseat and read the Bible/devotionals.  I also have my prayer notebook on the bookcase. 

While on the computer, I sit in a folding wooden chair that's moderately comfortable.  Under the chair, you'll find a spotted tabby.  Baby Girl has a new spot, under my chair. 

That's lovely, but I can't move the chair.  I'm sitting farther back than I'd like. Other than that it's a peaceful scene.  Music flows from my awesome, $30 speakers.  I can make some noise, but I keep the volume down.  You'd hear the music in this room only (w…

I always sleep better with a cat in the bed

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Early bedtimes (@6) are always iffy.  The neighbors may be active in some way; ambient noise... or I may just not be able to sleep. 

Last night I lay awake with a burning urethra, kicking myself for not drinking enough water.  I'd tried to "cut back" because I didn't want to get up every 5 minutes after I lay down (the usual).  Instead, I went too far the other way and had to deal with the burning - at least until I got enough water down the hatch. 

Once I did that, I slept great.  I also had my secret weapon: Torbie.  Torbie's a very good natured cat.  When I'm ready to go to bed, I set everything up, then I pick her up - an armload of orange and brown fluff, and take her to bed.  I set her down in "her" spot and she settles in.  She might get on top of me for some petting and cuddles, though.  I always sleep better with a cat in the bed.  She's very obliging. 

Today I had to worm her.  She was great, a little baffled, hid for a minute, but …

So cute

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I love early morning pickups.  We get to work at 4 or so, get it all done.  When you're having your first cup of coffee, we're waiting on our ride home.

However, I hate early evening bedtimes.  Sure as sunrise, the neighbor kids have a rowdy play session, the party machine fires up down the street, or something else keeps me up. 

Last night it was the party machine.  Once I was sure it was them (they have a new CD), I called the police, who came out and settled the matter in 20 minutes.  Of course, by then all my drowsy had fled.  I didn't sleep well. 

As it turns out, neither did Ron.  He said he was cancelling work today (primary location) but we needed to go to the secondary and fix the coin mech (it wasn't giving dimes).  We went back to bed and got a couple extra hours sleep - for me it was pretty restless. 

For whatever reason, my medication can have an energizing effect, if I'm tired.  As it kicks in I get a little manic.  That's a big problem trying…

I'm not a slut

"Ron" I told him today "When we're talking to people about how we met, could you focus a little less on the sex?  You're making me look like a slut." 

Ron has a tendency, to emphasize, to him, the "important part".  He focuses on the manic sex part.  Wow.  You took advantage of an underage, mentally ill child.  Way to go.  I wouldn't go bragging on that, myself. 

Let's think for a minute.  If sex was the only thing holding us together why did I stay with him after he was partially paralyzed?  How have we made it 22 years? 

It's not because I spent my childhood dreaming how I'd push my blind husband around in his wheelchair. 

Ron's talk has led to some unpleasant moments; one of the clients on board our first ride called me "An animal". 

"I've only had sex with one man." I replied.  "One man, Ron [last name], and I married him."  The unspoken "How many sex partners did you have and did…

They could be out of lithium

Ron's pretty frustrated.  The party machine has started up somewhere in the subdivision. 

It's probably #19. 

Dear neighbors, some of us work on the weekends.  Some of us get up very early for work, on the weekends.  I know you must think everyone works a 9-5, M-F, but we don't.  We need our rest so we can go to work and pay our taxes. 

I end up thinking things like "Where are the guys who robbed my house?  They can't steal this car or the stereo in it?"  Bad Thoughts. 

God doesn't want me wishing ill on people, He wants me forgiving them and praying for them.  They're getting a lot of prayer, more than my human nature thinks they "deserve".  [sad grin] 

However, I've surrendered my life to God.  That means I surrender myself to things like this, and try to find a way to work it for good, even it's praying for all the latinos everywhere in the world and their stupid polka music. 

You may wonder what I'm talking about.  This…

Mission Field

One night, not that long ago, I was pretty upset about my loud neighbors and their music.  I was venting. 

"Heather" God let me know "Would you move to Mexico and live next to a noisy cantina, if I called you to do it?" 

Of course, I told Him.  I'll go wherever and whenever You need me. 

"Heather" He told me "You need to view your life as a mission field." 

So, I won't focus on the horribly long wait times for every ride we had.  I won't focus on some of the spectacular paratransit screwups. 

I'll just focus on the mission field, so to speak.  Ron got to share his "Don't take the mark" speech with easily 8 different people, and handed out at least as many tracts. 

We got to reach 8 people today. 

But, if I were a drinker I'd be pouring one tonight.

Two Indulgences and some hot fries

Ron's a little traumatized right now, looking under my bed.  He's trying to find the crazy circle.  He's finding a LOT of books.  I should have made a video blog "Ron goes under the bed". 

I do feel a little smug, imagining the guy who robbed my house a year ago, trying to find "the good stuff" under the bed... and finding absolutely nothing.  No cash, no credit cards, no jewelry, no weapons... just books and assorted items (Ron found some pens, a candy bar wrapper, and an eyeglass case). 

We had today off.  Last night, I was working on a moderate headache when I went to bed.  I slept OK but the headache stuck around.  I decided hot water was not my friend today and took a birdbath instead of a shower. 

We had to give Baby Girl her next dose of worm stuff.  She was pretty pissed and avoided us both for hours. 

We went to Walmart.  I had a slow bathroom drain (the sink).  I only have 2 sinks in the house, the kitchen and the bathroom.  Both are runni…