Thursday, April 30, 2015

Stupid tech!

Still depressed.  More so when Ron shared a "secret" he'd been hiding (scroll down after you read this post). 

And my keyboard isn't working, at least the enter key. 

Still not working.  This is going to suck.  I will try some things and come back. 

Ha!  Working now! 

Good, I have to go to bed early tonight. 

Anyway, didn't do my God time because I had to help Ron deal with his issue. 

I did it before I got online.  I did get my shower, boy did I (you will understand after reading the other post - why I felt the need for a cleansing)

We went to the bank.  That was fine but we had to wait forever on our ride.  We went home for a little bit. 

We had a good ride to the taqueria, but waited almost an hour for our next ride.  The driver, I believe, was playing games. 

One, she was across the street.  I was waving, she drove off in the wrong direction after seeing me.  I figured either she wasn't for us or she was playing games.  If she was playing games she wanted me outside, waving frantically, getting progressively more upset.  Instead, I sat down, drank what was left of my soda, went to the bathroom, and chatted to Ron, who was pretty upset. 

After I came back from the bathroom, suddenly she had found us and was waiting outside the door.  When Ron went a little right of the door she said "You're going the wrong way!" in a nasty, taunting, tone of voice. 

"He's got it" I replied calmly. 

"No he doesn't!"  again with the Nyah-nyah nasty taunting tone.  Ron boarded, by himself, like he always does, without any assistance, like he always does.  She kept laughing at him in a mocking fashion. 

She then asked us, eagerly, if we had been "waiting long".  Now, you can imagine how a typical person would react, having waited an hour, seeing the vehicle drive off on the wrong direction, then come back, and asks if they were waiting long.  After they waited an hour, and the driver knows exactly how long - it's in the computer. 

We ignored her, she asked again, Ron told her his pass number.  I love how he handled that.  The ride home is a simple, mile and a half trip.  I could tell she was going to play more games so I didn't even look out the window as I talked to Ron.  She slowed down at the wrong places, but when I didn't react she kept going. 

I figure anyone hired by the transit company, with a GPS, can figure out how to get us home.  I might have given directions but she was wanting a confrontation.  Some people are just like this.  They want to bait, frustrate, and taunt.  When you lose your temper, it's a payoff for them.  I do everything I can to avoid giving them a payoff. 

I doubt she will last long.  You need to leave your personality disorder at home; don't take it to work.  Not to mention she was running over half an hour late.  The company is docked if they are not doing on-time performance.  It was a very easy location.  We were in a strip mall on a busy street with very large signs. 

Anyway, we got home.  And I'm breaking my complaining rule, I think. 

We got home.  I took my nap.  It was a good one even though I didn't have any cats, and that is complaining!

I did get some kisses from Biscuit after I got up.  I did my God Time.  I will be going to bed soon.  Pray God I will sleep. 

I remind myself I will have an eternity with an awesome energy level. 

Ring around the ulcer

"Heather" Ron told me solemnly "I need to show you something.  Don't freak out when you see it". 

Is there any phrase more alarming than "Don't freak out when you see it?"  He took off his pants. 

Sure enough, he has another ulcer.  Ugh! 

I think I was pretty calm and logical.  At one point he accused me of "getting emotional". 

"If I got emotional" I snapped.  "I'd cut the cord off that damned massager!" 

For those who don't know, Ron has neuropathy.  He has a very bad habit of using a vibrating back massager on his legs, falling asleep, and creating friction blisters.  On occasions, the blisters break open, get ulcerated, and infect.  It's a God-awful mess, made worse by at least one medical professional who thought I was burning him! 

Ulcerated, check.  I think it's about 2 inches in diameter, if not larger. 
I don't think it's infected yet. 

"It wasn't too bad at first" he said sheepishly "But it's getting bad and I thought you could help".  Help, being home remedies, peroxide and antibiotic cream, vitamins, and other supplements.  He then told me a horrifying story of his own home surgery on "A big flap" with a pair of scissors. 

I had to, and still am, repress a massive urge to whip him like a mule.  First or second time, I could understand, but both legs are covered in scars.  He even has a scar on top of one foot, and boy that one scared me. 

He refuses to go to the doctor.  I imagine, if it does progress, he'll wake me up in the middle of the night to go to the hospital.  I think I'd better update my hospital bag. 

I will do what I can, at home.  The last doctor basically said peroxide and neosporin, and he was a dermatologist (he was the one who thought I was burning Ron).  I would put up a photo, but someone would come and drag his butt to a doctor. 

I have to figure a man who manages all our finances, pays the bills, does all the accounting for the business, and just paid over a thousand dollars in sales tax can make his own medical decisions.  I don't like it, but I accept it, for now.  

I do plan to mark it so I can see if it's getting bigger.  I'll keep you posted. 

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

That kind of day

"Halla-fing-laujah" Ron sighed.  "We're finally going home!" 

You wouldn't think it would have had such drama.  I mean, we sleep in late, go to the warehouse, get a couple hundred dollar's worth of candy bars, go stock them, do our regular duties, and go home. 

However, we had catastrophic freeway wrecks today.  "The trauma center is hopping today".  All our rides were very late, and very long.

I even had one ride with a hair pulling (mine, if he'd had a chance!) spitting (yes, on me), "limited" client riding directly behind me.  I had to hunch forward, holding my ponytail in front of me, as the driver shouted at the client.  [head in hands, laughing quietly]  It was just that kind of day. 

I did take my shower, catch up on the laundry, and do my God Time before we left.  Thank God. 

I had a great sleep with Biscuit and Torbie in my bed.  It doesn't get any better!  Of course I woke up tired and horribly depressed.  I bit Ron's head off when he asked how I was doing. 

Depressed pretty much the whole day, and now, but not complaining. 

I did get all the candy.  I had to use some of my money, because I didn't have enough, but I got it back. 

We went to work and I got it stocked.  I discovered snack 2 has major coin mech issues.  It wasn't accepting any change.  We both worked on it for quite a while, and at the end it was stealing money.  I told Ron it had to go "down" (we have a power switch inside the machine).  He argued, but I told him "I would rather shut it down, than rip someone off.  I'm not that kind of vendor". 

THANK YOU! someone said behind me.  Oops.  Oh, well.  If they're going to gossip let them talk about that. 

Besides, we have 2 other snack machines. 

We had other issues, all dealt with.  Everything got stocked and all the OTHER machines are working OK. 

We even had a very interesting ride home with a contracted, Pentecostal, cab driver. 

Now I'm just waiting on the pizza.  I got Ron some Siracha Honey chicken. 

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Horribly depressed and broke my complaining rule

I had asked our supervisor for some backup: he had made it clear he would not allow us to be forced into providing thousands of dollars more in microwaves, in addition to the ones we already have.  "Just have them call me" he said.  I thought, by his tone, he meant he would shut them down.  Stop the shouting, bullying, threats, etc.  Explain we do not have bottomless pockets and a warehouse full of microwaves. 

No, instead,  "I told him to talk to you about doing more cheap ones if you want to".  Great.  Thank you for making my stalking/harassment a thousand times worse!  I am sick of people shouting at me because they broke our microwaves. 

[self-edit] When I say they never buy a thing, I'm not kidding.  But they sure know who we are when they break one. 

I'm frustrated.  They don't understand our income.  They don't understand we, combined, make about half the salary of one of the new, temporary, workers.  They don't understand the other vendor has multiple income streams, and can afford to throw an endless stream of microwaves at the population.  Even if I tried to tell them, they are so self-focused and angry they wouldn't hear it. 

My only counter, wear headphones to work, and refer all the complainers to Ron.  Ron, of course has a volatile temper so that should be interesting.  However, they generally don't shout at him the way they do me.  We're both disabled, but he looks it, so their internal governance won't "let" them treat him the way they do me. 

I find that really frustrating.  Verbal abuse on top of existing depression is even more horrific.  Ugh. 

So, that was pretty much the worst part of my day. 

I did sleep OK.  I woke up OK, a pretty decent mood, talked to Ron for a while, going to do God Time later. 

I did not have any cats in the bed.  That, to me, was the big tragedy of the day. 

I had a horrible cyst on one of my incision scars from my laproscopic ovarian surgery (they both had to get "done" but the doctor was a fertility specialist and quite opinionated about "saving my fertility").  At the time, I had a dermoid cyst on one ovary, and a "bleeder" on the other.  He got the bleeder off. 

I healed up fine and never had a problem until recently.  I got a cyst, in the incision.  As you know, I get a lot of cysts.  I have 4 at present, all hidden.  They always hide.  Hurt like heck, though. 

So, this one: not only painful, but messy.  It would break open, stop, break open again.  I have been very careful cleaning it.  Last night I finally got it all done - it already looks a lot better today.  Now to get the other 3. 

No, I am not interested in a long-term course of antibiotics.  That would wreak hell on my immune system. 

Not to mention, more pills?  Nausea?  Other digestive issues? 

No thanks.  I bathe daily, wear clean clothes, and take supplements I feel will support my agenda. 

We only had one real trip, a ride to Walmart.  We did that.  I made my deposit and other sundry things.  When we came home, the neighbor's dog was in the driveway. 

"Your dog got out" the driver told me.  I don't have a dog.  I don't like dogs, and God knows I don't want them.  The dog ran around in our yard like a little idiot, trying to get close to Ron, and his takeout chicken.  I ran her off until Ron got into the house. 

Ron, of course began whining.  He wanted to go sit out on the porch with the dog in his lap.  I reminded him that went very badly with the Barkappotamous.  He was nicer to her than her own family, and she was constantly barking for attention.  Ron thought she was "just lonely" so he would go out and give it to her, exacerbating the issue.  Then the dog kept digging out and coming over, wanting to be our dog... you get the idea. 

The killer, for me, was when some dog hugger showed up with the Barkappotamous in her car.  The dog got out and came over to our porch, looking for Ron  Then the stranger reads me the riot act about confining my dog!  I told her, I don't like dogs!  It's stalking us! 

I pointed at the real owner, who had slunk down in her seat (she had just pulled up in her car).  The woman went over and yelled at her for a while, but we continued to have issues of the dog barking constantly, tearing up the fence, etc.  Ron ended up going over there, every night, totally drunk, shouting at them to make her shut up, when he wasn't sticking his hand through the fence trying to "calm her down".    The dog was completely baffled by the mixed messages and it just made the behavior worse. 

It was an overall FUBAR.  I am not going to let that happen again.  It starts with a neglected dog.  Ron wants to make it feel better so he gives it the attention it's not getting at home.  Then the dog wants to live with us and is always acting up, trying to get attention. 

I have mentioned the barking issue.  Ron has said he can't hear it, maybe we can switch rooms.  I won't do that, because 1.  His room won't fit a queen bed and 2.  He'll hear the barking, go out the "bark" door, and end up encouraging bad behavior by rewarding the barking.  He doesn't think.  He just thinks "Doggie!" and gets carried away. 

I think that goes to the head injury.  Anyway, I literally set my chair between Ron and the front door so he couldn't go out and "comfort" her.  The dog was fine, running around, raising hell.  I hope she is fixed because I heard other dogs. 

Ron kept whining how he "just wanted to pet her" but, like I said, I know how this ends.  The dog got out once.  She is a small dog and I can see a dozen ways for her to get out just around the gate - she's getting out again.  I don't want her to see us as "hers". 

I do feel a little sorry in an abstract way, but that is outweighed by a fierce desire to protect my home from more drama.  The last thing we need is another pet. 

I've told Ron, if you love dogs this much (and if so, why didn't you get one when we bought the house?), we can go to the shelter, volunteer, and you can socialize the dogs.  I'd clean litter boxes.  He said "No, it's not the same".  

The girl cats did a good job chasing her off.  The idiot boys wanted to play with her.  After Ron fell asleep/passed out, I took a nap. 

I heard some more barking and banging noises, so I knew the neighbors had some home and put her up.  I continued my nap with Biscuit, who slept on a leg. 

I never stopped to think, but my queen sized dark gray polyester blanket is the same color as his spots.  It was a little chilly so I got it.  Apparently I shouldn't go putting up my winter stuff just yet. 

I am thrilled I got the bedding washed.  It's been a while and I thought that might have something to do with the cysts (looked and smelled fine, though).  I don't have a lot of bedding but I have a spare fitted sheet.  I "loaded" that, and some pillowcases, arranged everything in a pleasant configuration. 

I do love my bed.  I love it even more when a cat joins me. 

I woke up with a nasty headache, which is still around.  Just not my day. 

I plan to maybe do up some Bibles for a Handout, later. 

Monday, April 27, 2015

Dock 11

"That's right!" I shouted at the departing vending machine "That's the last time you'll rip her off!"  The customer laughed. 

It was a looong day. 

I had an exciting start.  If the family next door is gone, at night, their dog tends to get fairly hysterical.  She is pretty neglected anyway (fed, water, and shelter so nothing to "report").  I just figure a pet should be in the house and sleeping in the bed at night, but that's me. 

At any rate, I had to deal with hours of barking after I was supposed to be asleep.  I'd set my alarm for 2 AM.

I finally dropped off after 10.  You can imagine my shock and horror when Ron woke me up at 3:15.  I got the AM and PM mixed up (it went off during my nap!).  I need to apologize to him, I freaked out, yelling, running around. 

My hair was filthy because I'd skipped my shower yesterday.  One day, I will learn, never, ever skip it.  I also had to change my tampon. 

You can imagine my horror when the string broke.  I tried various maneuvers to remove it, but finally gave up and jumped in the shower instead.  No one would know about the tampon, but they'd sure notice my hair!  I got all the showering done and completely washed up. 

I gave the tampon another try, and gave a triumphant shout as I removed it.  Ron congratulated me from the other room.  [laugh]  We are crazy.  I got dressed, got my back brace, and ready to go.  Our ride was a little late, but as it turns out it didn't matter. 

We got into work.  We had a lot to do: stock, sandwich delivery and stock, soda delivery and stock, soda machine delivery and stock, removal of the old machine's inventory, change, and lock... install the lock into the new machine... you get the idea. 

The sandwich guy was back - he had a bad cold.  I'm glad to hear he is basically OK.  I handled that. 

I had jokingly suggested we'd get multiple deliveries at the same time.  That always seems to happen.  Sure enough, it did. 

I don't know who screwed up, but I was sent to the non existent "Dock 11" when they were at 111.  You can imagine the walk I had!  They delivered a machine to the other vendor, and then brought mine. 

I did everything necessary to "get rid of" the old machine.  A customer came up and asked for her quarter back.  The old machine hadn't dropped it. 

That's when I pointed at it, loaded onto the "Piano cart", getting dragged away, and shouted it would never rip off my customers again.  She got a good laugh out of it, and it's a good example of customer service. 

If it rips them off, get rid of it!

Seems obvious to me.

We got it loaded, boy that took forever.  We had to stock cold drinks first.  The machine vends the "lowest" soda first.  We put room temperature drinks on top of the cold ones, as usual.  They chill down quickly, being aluminum cans. 

The customers love the new machine.  They must have bought 4 cans of root beer, as I watched. 

The machine is great for several reasons.  It's a Vendo V-21.  It has a slide out loading rack, which we love, and the ability to hold tons of soda.  Our old machine would choke if we stocked more than a case at a time.  Frustrating. 

Today, we could finally stock a whole case of Mountain Dew (I would have done 2 but Ron said he was tired).  Wonderful. 

They aren't cheap, but it belongs to Dr Pepper.  We get to "borrow" it, as long as we fill it with primarily Dr Pepper products.  For instance, it has 10 slots.  We are permitted to sell 2 competitors.  Right now, that's Pepsi, and Mountain Dew.  We sell Coke in the other 2 machines.  Dr Pepper has tons of other good products like RC, Dr Pepper, Sunkist, and the ever-popular Root Beer (we are the only vendors selling it). 

So, that done Ron calls to arrange our ride.  We had to "put it on hold" because everything soda related, came late. 

In the meantime the postal workers were yelling at me about microwaves.  We have traditionally supplied microwaves.  However, the population is incredibly abusive and has destroyed, just counting our inventory, over $2,100 in microwaves.  In a six month period.  They just killed the last blind vendor microwave, and are demanding, quote "Ten more, Sharp, 1,100 Watt, commercial-grade microwaves"  That's about 11 THOUSAND.  To be destroyed in another 6 month period? 

With the economy the way it is, many people are brown-bagging.  They have a container of rice, another of meat, and one of vegetables.   Or maybe they have some takeout from a restaurant (my favorite on that, they come to me and demand I give them forks and condiments).  They want to heat all this up sequentially.  Now multiply this by a couple dozen people and you can see why we have a big traffic jam!  The brown baggers never, ever, buy any vending machine items. 

I don't know why they burn up the microwaves so fast.  Are they not cleaning them?  Are people trying to heat up foil items?  Both?  I couldn't tell you.

I can tell you what our boss replied when I told him about this "You are not buying any more microwaves.  The program is not supplying them, either.  If they have a problem, send them to me."  I've been telling them this when they complain, but they just shout at me, make threats, etc.  I did send him a "heads-up" text message. 

One guy from the union was so confrontational I was stammering.  I never do that.  I was very upset at myself, which is what he wanted, I'm sure.  He was laughing as he made threats to "have you thrown out of here".  I will be sending them to Ron from now on. 

It's actually kind of funny.  They killed 2 of their own microwaves.  No one complained.  They killed 3 of ours, no one complained.  They killed our last one, everyone's complaining.   I guess they hit critical mass. 

I could say a lot more, but I'll leave it.  1.  This could be read, printed up, and passed around.  2.  Not complaining! 

Last thought, though, when did people "have" to have microwaves?  I never had one available at any of my other jobs.  I just ate my food cold or got takeout.  I lived [shrug].  "First world problems". 

It's my hope management will buy several and put them out, like they did in 2009.  The customers were happy.  We were happy.  They lasted at least 5 years or so.  

Ron was so desperate to get home he called a subsidized cab.  The transit company pays the first $8 of the fare, then Ron pays the rest.  Ron also added a generous tip.  We got Lou, who's a great guy.  We got his card, too. 

We had a nice ride home.  I was completely exhausted, mentally wrung out, and feeling a little frazzled. 

I ate some cheese and crackers, discovering they work quite well with my evening meds, and took a nap for a few hours.  Except for the alarm, it was very nice!  [laugh]

No cats, except for Torbie jumping on me about the time I woke up (I was up, she jumped, and ran off).  I did find Biscuit sleeping in the doorway. 

I may or may not get pizza tonight.  I'm really tired, and pray I sleep OK tonight. 

We may be getting some more rain tonight, we'll see. 

At any rate, I do have tomorrow off. 


Saturday, April 25, 2015

All about the litter box

I was one of those horrible cat people who never changed the box, and then got pizzed when Kitty peed on the floor.  What did I expect? 

I also used the cheap clay litter.  You know, the stuff that reeks to high heaven after one "tinkle".  Ugh.  Poor kitty! 

At the time, the clumping stuff was very expensive, and fell apart easily.  It was an all around exercise in frustration. 

By the time I'd moved to Texas, they had "better" and cheaper, clumping litters (still not wonderful but workable), but I was still generally pretty lazy about changing the box. 

My Texas cats have been awesome though, they either used the box or went outside.  They went out, a lot. 

Bubba, in particular, never used his box.  It just sat there, year after year, unused.  He had a cat door.  He didn't want a box.  He even waited, practically crossing his legs, during Hurricane Ike.  Once the worst had passed he ran outside behind "his" rosebush. 

However, when we got Baby Girl in 2012 I didn't want any toilet issues.  I put a box in every room in the house, with the best clumping litter I could buy.  She used them, and has never had a problem. 

I also got more diligent about cleaning the boxes, in part because I was well medicated for once in my life!   As a homeowner now, I also had a vested interest. 

I got some covered boxes because Baby Girl likes to fling litter in all directions.  Even now, she will rarely fling one of her own turds out of the box while "covering".

Baby Girl, however, got stuck in the covered box, so that was a no-deal.  I tried removing the door - she was still afraid of it.  Poor little thing.  [sigh]  So, no lid at all.  

That seemed to work pretty well, although Baby Girl began to follow Bubba's "outside" habit.  Then Bubba died, and I got Torbie a few days later. 

I know "new cat issues" require sparkling clean litter boxes, and plenty of them.  I ensured that.  It worked.  They're good girls. 

Happily when the boys came along they still had a box each.  I scoop daily and everyone's happy. 

I use Scoop Away Ultra, and Arm & Hammer Cat Litter Deodorizer.  They work great.  I have a wonderful, long-handled, metal scoop. 

While Scoop Away does say I don't have to empty the whole box, it has gotten pissy after a few months, so I let it run down and dumped it today.  I cleaned it out, sanitized it, dried it well, applied the Arm & Hammer, and loaded it up with fresh Scoop Away.  Everyone's happy. 

I also keep the boxes on cardboard in case I have any scattering issues. 

Fan Club

The plant has provided large televisions for the employees, in the cafeteria.  The televisions are always on when I'm stocking.

Normally that would be great, but I get sick of liberal "news", "who's the father", ignorant gossip shows, etc.  One day the "news" was doing a section on improving your home.

"Who sleeps on a $200 mattress?" The host derided "No one who's sleeping at night!  You need to sleep on a mattress costing at least $1,500."  He continued in that vein, continuing to mock the "$199 mattress".

 I happen to sleep on a $200 mattress.  Ron bought it for me, along with a bed frame, back in 2006.  It has been a very comfortable mattress.  If I'm not sleeping on it, it's due to me, not the mattress.  Once I lie down I always feel great.   It even has a 25 year warranty. 

I've placed that mattress on a $100 bed base/frame.  It is incredibly sturdy and comfortable.  It "talks" a little but I find that soothing.

Having finished with beds, the host went on to mock "Those awful particleboard cabinets with the wood veneer"  Guess what I have?

They hold my dishes, pots, pans, and cleaning supplies just fine.  I'm sure one of those house hunting or home improvement shows would view my kitchen with deep horror, but it works for us.   I don't do a lot of cooking anyway. 

I'm happy with my cheap veneer cabinets, and my $300 bed.   I'm a woman of simple tastes.

Yesterday we had the day off.  It was supposed to rain, but didn't.  More on that in a minute.  We went to Walmart and came home.  I cleaned out the cabinets.

Ron got drunk and woke me up twice last night.  He wasn't belligerent, but he "couldn't find the door to the bedroom" on one occasion and "Thought (I) had gone out for the milk delivery" the second time.  Both times I told him he'd woken me up, and he laughed at me.

I was pretty pizzed, especially since today was truck day.  If I had been doing anything for Ron alone, I would have told him no way and gone back to bed.   As it was, I had some sharp words once he got up. 

As it was, this was business.  Oh, and it was pouring down rain.

On Truck Day, I'll remind you, I take inventory and put it on a flatbed cart.  Today, 42 cases.  I pay for the inventory, then take it outside and load it into the truck (my "helpers" have bad backs).  When we get to work, I load it all onto hand carts, take it in the building, stock, and store the leftovers in my (very small) area. 

I did all of this, some of it in the pouring rain.  The day after I started my period!  I had remembered to wear my new microfiber t-shirt, cost about $11.  It's made of a polyester fabric, sweat wicking and fast drying.

I like it.  I'm still wearing it over 12 hours after I donned it.  I also wore my back brace, of course.  Per advice from a chiropractor, I only fasten it when I'm lifting, when I'm done I unfasten it and wear it on my shoulders like a vest (I have a brace with suspenders). 

I got everything stocked, it looks good.  I reset sandwich prices (now $2.50) in the food machines and stocked same.  I was happy to see people were actually using the food machines.  They are pretty slow lately.  I was worried we might have to throw some items out.

I stocked all the "good" snack products and gaped in shock at my decimated candy bar selection.  They really like what I'm doing.  That's a good thing.  It's a little alarming, having such a "fan club", but good. 

As always, I said thank you to everyone, assisted if necessary, made change, smiled a lot, and interacted with Ron.  I'm sure some of the workers think I'm a bitch, "making" Ron work, but he wants to do it, declines assistance, and I have my hands full taking care of the other 5 machines!  Ron does the bottled soda vendor, and 3 can soda vendors, with my help.  I "fetch", mainly, or replace inventory in the fridge.

Monday should be interesting.  We have a soda delivery (very early), a sandwich delivery (did I mention we are forecast even worse storms on Monday?), a soda machine delivery (they are swapping out a very old model), and of course the usual stocking and interacting with the other vendor?  Yeah, crazy.

I guess I'll be bringing some protein bars, a poncho, and probably my Kindle, in a plastic bag.  Oh, boy.

However, those running around like crazy days go very fast.

Today sure did.

Pretty soon time to go.  We had a great ride home.  I did my God Time (I was pretty angry this morning, and the Bible says to forgive "offenders" before praying), and then we went out for a hamburger.  It was good.  I was sure happy to eat someone else's cooking.

We had a pretty good ride home, and tomorrow off.

I hope I sleep OK tonight. 

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Clown Vampires

Clown vampires. 

Boy, I was really happy to wake up from that one. 

It was a pretty good morning.  I got up, spent some time with Ron, took a shower (Going to do my God Time later when I kick this headache).  We went to Walmart. 

I got the kiddie cart, the one with the seat on the back.  I loaded Ron and we went shopping.  They are redoing the planograms (merchandise display), so nothing is where it was. 

However, my love language is quality time and I had a very willing companion.  We had a good time.  I did forget one thing. 

We checked out and went outside to find a wonderful driver, early, already waiting for us.  That made things even better! 

We got home.  I made sure I unloaded the heavy things.  That's my job, anyway - loading and unloading.  The driver's job, is, well, driving!    If the driver wants to help they are getting the light things. 

I headed in, ate, and took my afternoon pills.  To quote my Doc  "I don't care when you take them, morning, noon, or night.  I don't care if you take one at a time or all at once.  I just want you to take all of them, every day!"  So I don't worry if it's an hour "early". 

I took my nap.  However, someone was trimming a tree, with a high pitched, very noisy, powertool.  Understandably, it has all the neighborhood dogs quite upset. 

Time for the earplugs.  I slept, a little, but had a nightmare about clown vampires. 

Of course I got up after that.  It would have just gotten worse if I hadn't. 

My Dad took me to horror movies when I was a kid.  I had also watched an episode of Supernatural before I went to sleep - Dean figuring out the Mark of Cain.  They probably combined with bad neurotransmitters and ambient racket to create the nightmare. 

Happily, I don't have many nightmares, and not many post traumatic ones.  Those are absolute hell.  Ron taught me a little about lucid dreaming.  Basically, reminding myself that I am dreaming, stopping the abuse in the dream, asserting myself, and removing myself from the drama.  I have had varying success, but during all my recent PTSD nightmares, I have been able to do it to a significant degree. 

Praise God not that. 

Oh, and no headaches taking 2 Butterbur capsules every day.  Good stuff.  Normally I have at least 10 days of incapacitating headaches right before my period. 

That's huge, and thank God for that. 

I pray my faith will always be a huge part of my life. 

Speaking of my life, I have to be careful with energy bars or I'm going to kill myself.  I am, most likely, allergic to both Almonds and Peanuts.  Definitely peanuts. 

As a result, I can't eat anything with Almonds/Peanuts.  Every energy/protein bar in the world has - guess what?  Almonds and peanuts!  

I am stuck with 3 varieties!  Literally!  I am getting so sick of vanilla whey and chocolate mint.  I HATE strawberry, but when I saw they had a strawberry I could eat I bought a box! 

I might have been a little manic.  I've talked about that, buying WTF? things when I am manic, "sobering up" and saying "What???". 

Anyway, I should be OK with that. 

Oh, and I am going to eat the Blue Bell ice cream I bought.  Yes, it has been recalled.  But the Cookie Dough and the institutional flavors tested positive for the listeria, not all flavors. 

I discussed it with Ron and we both agreed I'd likely live if I ate my Mint Chocolate Chip, and my Creole Cream Cheese pints. 

Regarding trolls, I have had one leaving comments.  Some fail to realize this is my blog.  Here, I am Moderator.  That means nothing posts without my permission. 

If you want to come along, attack my faith, expect me to give you a forum, take your bait, and argue, you are wrong.  It's my blog.  I choose to avoid all that.  You can name call all you'd like, malign my faith and my God, and try to bait me, but it won't work.  I simply feel a little weary as I resolve to pray for you; and I can't help but imagine that passion invested into doing God's work...

To quote Max Erhmann "Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit."

Wednesday, April 22, 2015


I accidentally took a B vitamin last night.  I was trying to take a Vitamin C and got them confused. 

I was up for hours, restless, and urinating neon yellow.  AGH.  Not a good night. 

I dragged myself out of bed after hitting the snooze alarm, apologized to God, and did my God Time later.  I did take a shower and shave my legs. 

"In Houston" I told Ron "That's mandatory".  I found some good razors by Noxzema.  I also used my in shower body lotion.  My hands always feel a little weird after but I'm used to it. 

Like my Dad, I have very oily skin.  I very seldom need lotion. 

We went to work.  The food machine was down, but it was fixable.  I did a little stocking.  I only needed to stock about 100 bags of chips, so I moved into helping Ron. 

I find it frustrating how Ron "Goes to the bathroom" while at work and is gone for (to me) a long period of time.  I decided I could either sit at a table and be resentful about his work going undone, or I could get up and do it. 

I got the handcart.  Ron was happy I had Soda 2 stocked when he came back, especially as he has a hard time stocking the columns as they get high. 

He did give me the bad news, I will need to get up at 2 AM on Monday, for another soda delivery.  I tried to talk him out of it, boy did I try. 

I appreciate that Ron is not manipulated.  Usually. 

We are mainly selling sodas so we focused on that.  We stocked a new type of water and I tested it before we left.  We got it all done - just the right amount of time. 

I even told the other vendor I'd cleared a cart for him.  They ordered water for us, now they can place it on the cart when they're unloading.  It's out of their way, and not in mine!   Just in case we aren't there at the same time, Friday. 

We went to the bank, handled some stuff, and waited FOREVER for our next ride.  At least we could wait inside. 

We went to Starbucks.  I set Ron up with a drink.  I was presented, at one point, with a carrier full of blind baby kittens (their eyes don't open for a while after they're born).  I managed to say no, although Biscuit and Gravy would have probably loved a new baby sibling. 

Speaking of my cats, I got treats.  Ron wanted four, 1 pound canisters, of catnip treats, so that's what I got.  I checked in on the one eyed, old, black cat up for adoption.  If I had room I would absolutely take him.  He looks like a sweetie.  Even Ron turned to mush when I told him. 

I also ran to the "outdoor" store in search of energy bars.  It was difficult, since I'm allergic to both peanuts, and almonds.  Virtually every bar had one, or both.  I did find something. 

I went back to Ron, and we had a good ride home.  I ate, took my pills, took a nap, and had a very good one.  Both Torbie, AND Biscuit, joined me in bed!  I felt like I won the lotto! 

There is nothing more soothing to me than a sweet kitty, lying on my foot, grooming.  I slept great. 

When I got up I did my God Time.  

It was supposed to thunderstorm today, but it hasn't yet (at 7 PM). 

Ron gave me tomorrow off, and we only have one errand. 


Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Back to bed

I'm glad I did my blood tests, otherwise I might worry about the constant fatigue.  Medication, I remind myself.  I am taking some very toxic drugs. 

Last night, I had to explain that I'd have massive trouble downloading music for Ron.  1.  Amazon changed their downloader.  2.  The last time I tried, I ended up with all his music, and mine, from the cloud, on my hard drive.  It is very annoying to have his stuff come up on my playlist.  and 3.  Medication makes it really hard to think, to begin with. 

It would take me a little while to figure it out, I told him, assuming I could at all.  He might want to get someone else to do the downloads. 

He was Not Happy.  I ended up putting in my earplugs and going to bed early.  It was just that kind of night. 

I slept about 10 hours, woke up, did my shower.  As I got out of the shower, Torbie looked up at me with big, tragic, green eyes. 

"Meow".  She never meows.  I knew she wanted treats. 

I got some treats, and served her.  Biscuit and Gravy showed up and walked all over Ron, waking him up (the cats are used to getting treats on his bed, so that's what I did).  I didn't think of that.  They woke Ron up (to my credit, only 5 minutes early), and he wasn't happy. 

I heard a lot about that, but when he calmed down I explained,  she said meow.  With the Big Green Eyes.  I had to treat her.  

I told him I'd do it again, but next time, I'd treat them in the hall.  He was happy.  I am, and more importantly, so is Torbie.

The cats are the dominant species. 

He also brought up the download issue, asking if it was "really that bad".  "Call my pharmacist" I suggested calmly, "Ask if (my medication) can produce these side effects."  That set him back and got him thinking. 

I don't know what we're going to do about the whole download issue, but we'll figure it out. 

We went to Carl's Junior for breakfast.  He had a steak burrito, which he said he'd get again.  I got a breakfast burger.  Turns out it has ketchup, tater tots, bacon, and a nice charbroiled meat patty.  I liked it. 

We got Ron something to go (I still have plenty of pizza, from Sunday).  We had pretty good rides to and from, but I kind of doubt the first driver will make it long term.  She was very timid, driving.  "She couldn't make a simple turn" I told Ron.  Maybe she will adjust, maybe not. 

I did feel a little uncomfortable.  It is an awful feeling, not trusting the driver.  Happily, I have never had that experience riding the "big bus". 

I considered making a Day Out, since we were already on a busy street at the restaurant, but I decided to come back home and (shockingly) take a nap.  I'm not kidding about the fatigue.  It turned into a wonderful nap when Biscuit showed up and joined me in bed.  I love to sleep with a cat.  It is one of my favorite things in the world. 

It's supposed to rain tomorrow afternoon, so we'll work in the morning.  I don't know what we're doing Thursday, but it's supposed to be pretty dry, and rain Friday. 

Of course that is all variable.  We just never know with the Houston weather. 

I just hate being depressed when it is SO nice out.  It's sunny, mild, not even breezy, one of those perfect days.  And I just want to go back to bed. 

Monday, April 20, 2015

Who is feeding you?

I think it's a good question for all Christians.

It is very common, and popular, for believers to find a favorite teacher and use him/her for all our spiritual feeding.  At times, they will become infuriated if anyone speaks a word against our chosen one.

Now, I have 2 good pastors I like.  I trust them on nearly everything.  They are good teachers, grounded in the word.

Here's Pastor Mike

Here's Pastor JD

Both really good guys.  I admire them. But I check their work - if what they say isn't rooted in the Bible, then I reject that message.   Not that it has come up, but I am careful.

You see, I get my primary feeding from The Bible.  That's why I get up an hour early every day, study the Bible, pray for others, ask God to reveal His Word to me, etc.  Vital.

I feel like a positive failure if I don't do this.  I have made it a major priority and that is the one time Ron does not disturb me.  That was a hard fought battle, let me tell you - it took years, but he respects that now.

I don't care if he bothers me any other time.  I'd rather he not wake me up unless he needs to go to the hospital, something is on fire, or a cat is hurt - and he respects that.

Point being: make the Bible your primary spiritual food.  Don't rely on man to teach you about God, rely on God to teach you about Himself.  He will always honor that:
James 1:5 
New King James Version (NKJV)
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 

God doesn't like intermediaries, that's why He sent Jesus to atone for our sins.  He wants us to have a "direct", personal, private, relationship with him.  

That's why, when I want "Bible Lite", I go for a Bible Promise book.  They are very easy to understand.  I do use a small sprinkle of man's teachings - but I always run them past, and through, the Bible to ensure I'm getting fed "right".  

I even ask God to protect me from false teachings.  Do you know how many prosperity teachers we have in Houston?  We are infested.  I'm a human being.  I had better ask for some protection.  

That said, it is good to find a good Bible-teaching pastor and/or an excellent devotional to add to your regular Bible study diet.  If you find one, it's a blessing.  Enjoy it/them, but always, always, run it past the Bible.  As you continue to read the Bible things will ring true, or false, in your soul.  

That's it.  Have a good one.   

To the troll: 
This is MY blog.  I don't HAVE to post your comments.  You want to attack my faith - you can.  God bless America and praise God for the First Amendment.  But I don't have to post your attacks on my blog.  I stated this clearly in the comments section: inappropriate content will be deleted. 

I don't care what you think of me, or my faith.  Name call all you want, you won't get a pulpit.  Have a nice day, I am praying for you.   


It's just the lotion

I had a hard time falling asleep last night.  I just couldn't. 

I always have some anxiety the night before, when I have to get up at 2 AM.  I worry something, someone's going to keep me up, and as a result I'm the person. 

We also had a severe storm system come though.  Thank you, God, for a good roof. 

I also saw a glorious image.  The trees on my back fence, blazing with sunlight, bright green and yellow from the sun, against a stormy gray background of clouds and shade.  It was beautiful (my phone was off or I'd have tried to take a photo).  I thanked God for the nice image and went to bed, finally falling asleep around 10. 

I'm not a fan of dogs, generally.  They bark, disturb neighbors.  I have been attacked, and witnessed, dog attacks when I was minding my own business.  As a pet, they are harder to train, eat things they shouldn't, raise your insurance, and dig out. 

I had to get up at 2 AM. 

You can imagine how I felt when I'd finally gotten some sleep, only to year Yappy next door barking her head off for several minutes.  First, I consoled myself she'd woken up "her" people, too.  The barking continued with ferocity, and I finally got up and said, what time is it? 

Imagine my horror when I saw it was after 3!  I didn't even have time for a shower! 

Good old Yappy, the ultimate alarm clock. 

Like I said, I'm not complaining. 

We had a good ride to work and did it all, a large soda delivery, I put that away myself - a sandwich delivery, not my regular guy but he's OK.  I had to help Ron, troubleshoot a couple of naughty machines, and help some customers. 

I had what I believe was a phony refund, but like I told Ron "I'll give him the rope to hang himself in God's eyes."  I did not say this around the customer. 

We did it all, just in time, and our ride was even waiting for us when we left.  We had a long ride. 

It wasn't bad.  I don't think the driver would make a good cat person, is all. 

Also, one of the other clients was wearing a lotion that brought back immediate memories of my mother.  In case you are a new reader, I don't have any good memories of my mother.  My hindbrain was battling feelings of terror, red-alert panic, and other awful emotions as I reminded myself: it's just the lotion

I was so happy when she left.  She seemed like a very nice lady, but the lotion was a big problem.  That's one reason I don't really wear any perfume these days - so many people have bad memory triggers, associated with perfumes, and I work in food service anyway. 

I never wear fragrance on a Bible Handout for the same reason. 

We finally got home.  I ate, and looked in aggravation at my empty pill counter.  I had to do up all my medication, and today's evening medication, before I could go to bed (when I am sleep deprived, et al, I always take my mood stabilizers early because, well, they stabilize my mood! 

I did that while watching Supernatural.  I like the show a lot, one of the few I watch.  In this episode, Sam and Dean had to deal with the goddess Vesta. 

I went to bed. 

I heard a lot of noise from next door, entering and exiting the house, banging noises, dog barking, but I still had a good nap.  It just goes to show: if I'm tired enough, I will sleep! 

I woke up with a mild headache, but I was just thirsty.  I got online for a little bit, woke myself up, and did my God Time. 

Ron wanted a footbath so I made him one with tea tree oil (I use an unused kitten sized litter box pan).  He liked that.  I'm sure his feet did, too. 

And, praise God, we have tomorrow off and very little planned. 

Good, I need to do some laundry.  My sheets are so "mature" I worry they will bite me! 

Sunday, April 19, 2015

"I'm going to take out a knife"


Not complaining.  I rode the other day with a woman who did nothing but... and it was awful.  If I don't like it, why would I want to inflict it on a reader or listener? 

I don't want to be that person.  Did you have one in your family?  I did.  Several, actually. 

What else?   Well, we did truck day, worked a long day, and I pulled a knife on the guy at my cell phone provider yesterday. 

I got up, I had someone in my bed, I think Torbie.  I'm not picky.  If it's feline, has 4 legs and a tail, it can sleep with me. 

Biscuit is the naughtiest.  He likes to attack feet. 

Baby Girl only sleeps with me if I have a massive depression. 

Torbie is my most faithful companion. 

Biscuit occasionally joins us, and, is a very good boy when he settles down.  I see him almost as Torbie's understudy. 

Gravy will occasionally sleep with me, but is mostly Daddy's boy. 

So, that was a good start.  I took my shower and put on 2 layers of deodorant.  Truck Day means lots of heavy manual labor for me, in heat and humidity.  I don't want to develop a bad odor. 

They worked, by the way. 

I donned a t-shirt, lightest pair of capris.  They remind me a little of the baggy cotton pants I loved in my teenage years.  They had a snug, gathered, waist, white cotton (back when I could get away with wearing billowy white pants!), and I literally wore them to death.

Yesterday, I wore a baggy navy cotton pocket t-shirt, men's (as usual because they are far more modest), the black pants, and my trusty steel toed slip ons.  I can't say enough about those shoes, working with a blind man in a wheelchair.

I also had my back brace, of course.  I only wear it when lifting, per Ron's chiropractor.  The rest of the time I unfasten it and just let the suspenders ride on my shoulders. 

They were out of "our" water, so I had room to buy ALL the snacks I needed - total about 50 cases for all of our stuff.  We went to work, I unloaded, shoved it all in the building, and then stocked!  Boy, did I stock.

I did have one "new" person come by try to tell me how to run the business.  I kept telling her, her suggestions had already been tried and failed.  She kept complaining about my product selection.

I finally told her "I'll tell you what I told the other lady who tried to tell me how to run my business:  I'm here to make money.  If it makes me money, I will sell it, if it doesn't make money I won't."  I also suggested she go to the gas station down the street, and talk to the other vendor.  She got very indignant and stomped off.

You and I both know I'm not ambitious, but I'm not throwing away inventory dollars on something they'll never buy.  I'm certainly not going to waste precious shelf space on something that won't move.  If I can sell a dozen cup a noodles in a day, why would I stock fruit, which rotted and had to be thrown out because no one wanted fruit.  

That was annoying, but I doubt I'll see a lot of her.

I am seeing a red flag with some of the potentially difficult people: they always want to know our schedule.  Our schedule is working pretty much whenever we want to, several days a week.  We like to vary it, and work all 3 shifts.

The complainers want us to say "I work 9-2 M-F" so they can hunt us down and shout at us, tell us how to run the business, etc.  They get very angry when we tell them we are flexible, and work a different schedule every week. 
The other customers could care less.  Of course, if they have a problem, we have Ron's cell number posted for refunds. 

I prefer the "Catch me if you can" approach.  

I forget if it was the same woman, or another, but someone else got angry at me and told me I "Had to start working weekends."  Yesterday, which was a Saturday, me surrounded by 3 handcarts loaded with inventory. 

I said "It is Saturday". In a very calm voice.  She made some excuses and left pretty quick.  It was funny. 

And, of course, I had someone storming up to me, furious, raving about the other vendor's machine.  3 people, actually.  Wait, I had to tell them, that isn't my machine.  They still wanted to yell at me, I suppose because I was a vendor, if not the vendor.  

I can see why so many people in vending, deliberately stock when the customers are absent.  It is more exhausting than the work! 

Not complaining, I'm glad I have customers... but whooeee. 

I was happy to escape.  Normally I don't get mauled like that but yesterday was spectacular.  Some woman shouting commands on the PA system every 2 minutes, overtime being called, shouting about gnats in the other guys' coffee machine, Ron needing help, trying to get 50 cases into 9 vending machines, then stuff the leftovers in the stockroom, whew. 

I'm glad I have a job.  I'm glad I have a job I can do.  I thank God I can work with my husband and help him in addition to running the business.  I thank God Ron has a dependable, loyal, honest, helper.  Mainly, I thank God I don't have to play those horrible office politics/fashion police games.  UGH. 

So, we went home for a little bit, then went to the mall.  I had dropped my phone one time too many.  The audio quality on the speaker was terrible - I couldn't really hear what people said. 

We got to the kiosk, it was a nice guy.  He got a SIM card stuck in the new phone and was trying to pry it out (happily, not my memory card, which I need to back up).  He had a pair of open scissors in his hand. 

I put my hand in my pocket.  "I'm going to take out a knife." I said calmly "Open it, and give it to you, OK?" 

One think my work has taught me, you have a lot of ex military post traumatic dudes walking around.  I didn't just want to pull a knife on the guy and incite some combat instinct, or have him panic and hit the button (I'm sure they have a panic button). 

The clerk nodded, and I took out the knife.  It's a folding knife, about 4 inches long, just legal to carry in Houston.  His eyes widened, as he and his coworker looked at me with new respect. 

It worked. 

At the end of it, I had my old chip and my new phone, and made a joke about "Kitty porn" as I showed off Torbie photos. 

Then we got dinner, and I bought a holster for the phone.  Clearly, it doesn't work for the phone to hang around my neck when I am stocking, etc.  I have butterfingers on my medication, so I would like a nice secure home for it.

So, we went home.  I, exhausted, went to bed.

Unfortunately someone's dog got out and spent hours trying to get into the yard next door.  Is their little female in heat?  I hope not.  I hope they at least got a fixed dog.  [sigh]  I doubt it.

The ensuing yapping was pretty extreme, and prevented all sleep for hours on end.  I thought about going outside to investigate, but we have had large and aggressive, roaming, dogs.  I don't want to get eaten!  I think the homeowner finally chased off the dog.

Then, the music - that went until 5 AM, right before I woke up.  [snort]

Did I mention how nice it was to sleep with Torbie AND Biscuit?  Biscuit's spot seems to be near my left hip, and Torbie near my left ankle.  He hops up around her and settles right in.  He likes a fuzzy blanket.

Both Gravy and Biscuit like to suckle on a soft toy cat, my slippers, and blankets.  Why not?

At least they're not like Mr Gray, the pervert cat who raped my foot every night.  No joke.  And he was fixed!

No real question how HE ended up at the shelter before I got him!  

Anyway, being positive.  It was very nice to roll over and pet Biscuit whenever I wanted.  He didn't mind. 

Biscuit has a unique fur, it's thinner and shorter than even a shorthaired cat.  It appears normal but feels different upon petting.  Torbie doesn't mind some midnight petting either. 

Of course I am always up a couple times to pee, because lithium acts as a diuretic.  But, I used to get bladder infections and I have had maybe 2 since I started the lithium, 9 years ago. 

I got up, shower, God Time (some of it).  We had a good ride to church.  Chuck at church told me my "Where to Look" tracts are almost done, and he "had a surprise for me". 


We had a good ride home, compounded by traffic.  The driver was nice and accepted a Bible.  I don't think he was reached yet. 

All my drivers get prayed for "special" in addition to my regular God Time. 

I tried to take a nap, but that didn't work - ambient neighborhood noise.  So, I finished my God Time, cleaned the litter boxes, and ordered some pizza. 

Tomorrow I have to get up at 2.  I just pray I get a good quality of sleep, if I don't get the duration. 

Friday, April 17, 2015

The little brat

I had today off. 

Goal 1:  Get a lot of sleep, because I have Truck Day tomorrow, and a soda delivery very early (as in 2 AM alarm) on Monday. 

I did a pretty good job of that. 

Goal 2: Go to Walmart and get some rubber gloves so I don't kill myself buying peanuts (2 kinds) and "Toasty" peanut butter crackers for my customers.  I plan to double glove when handling them.

I did that, and also got some soda, some TV dinners for Ron.  "I may not cook" I tell Ron "But I'll make sure you have your dinner".  I also got him some more popcorn.  I think that's a little healthier than snack foods.  I didn't tell him the beans and tortilla chips (he likes bean dip), make a complete protein. 

I was, however, pretty depressed.  I didn't even showered.  I figured, hell with it, it's Walmart.  Usually when I go down this road at work it results in encountering a manager or Someone Important! 

I did my God Time before getting online; I pare it down when I'm depressed.  

While at Walmart, I also got some shelf-stable foods, and cup a noodles.  They have a great profit margin. 

Ron and the other manager talked, they are raising prices on the sandwiches to $2.50.  I saw a receipt from the gas station down the street, a tuna sandwich cost $4.30.  We can certainly charge $2.50. 

Work "over" for today, I bought important things like Lysol (they have a new fragrance that smells like lemon candy), Diet Mountain Dew, other drinks and drink mix, mints, cat treats, 100 count disposable gloves, 30 count extra long gloves (that's how I got the hives on my right forearm, something rubbed), protein bars, hydrocortisone cream (one is going to work), chips for Ron, ice cream for me, fake crab, jelly, bread, milk, popcorn, and chips. 

I have a fake soynut butter that's actually pretty good.  I plan to pair that with the jelly and make sandwiches.  That's easy depression food and will hold my medication without any nausea or vomiting. 

I'm looking for easy, semi-nutritious meals.  This should do it. 

It's a complete protein and has some vitamins.  I have a pretty rigorous supplement program. 

The nausea's been very reduced, taking a cheap ginger root supplement with every dose of medication. 

My cycles were horrifically heavy, now they are far more normal, taking a soy isoflavone supplement from Swanson. 

The Butterbur (also from Swanson) has been really helpful in reducing my migraines, and the intensity when I do get a headache. 

I also take a multi vitamin, C, cal-mag-zinc, vitamin A, vitamin E, etc.  All my blood test results were great, so they must be alright. 

Anything I can do to help. 

I took a nap once I put the perishables away, and gave Ron his stuff.  I was hoping to get a cat in there, but they ran off. 

Torbie, the little brat, got into my bed AFTER I got up! 

Thursday, April 16, 2015


Pretty tired this morning, I got my shower but will be doing my God Time later (as I did last night).  I don't feel overtly depressed, just exhausted. 

However, all blood tests are OK so I'm not "ailing".  I think it's a combination of side effects and depression, and maybe some allergy. 

Last night my arm (which has a swath of hives already), began throbbing and swelling after someone put peanuts into my hand.  I had a ferocious reaction, and wanted nothing more than to flay my extremely itchy forearm! 

Thank God Ron had a Benadryl.  Thinking about it today, I'm pretty sure I have a peanut allergy. 

To clinch it, while I was at the warehouse, I got near the peanut butter crackers.  I was on the other side of the rack, looking at candy bars, thinking about inventory levels.  All of a sudden my arm started to itch again.  I looked up and saw the peanut butter crackers. 

One of my best sellers. 

Stocking is going to be REALLY interesting. 

Anyway, we went to the warehouse and I got, as I told Ron, "A bandaid's worth of snacks to slap on the vending machines until Saturday".  He wasn't happy to hear I needed more, but, hey, they like what I'm doing. 

I am currently featuring a mix of boring, plain stuff, and hot and spicy.  The customers seem to like it. 

The customers seem to like us, pretty well. 

Ron made a bunch of really cruel and inappropriate comments about my weight, asking what I ate as a teenager (a lot of pasta, and milk), and saying I should "eat that way again so you can lose the weight".  It doesn't work like that.

On a fundamental level, he refuses to acknowledge 1.  I have zero energy.  Outside of work, I'm doing well to shower, laundry, and clean the litter box  and 2.  My medication wrecks the metabolism.  It is on everything I take "May cause weight gain". 

I'm doing what I can.  He refuses to accept I HAVE lost 30 pounds in less than a year.  Refuses to see that as any kind of victory.  Probably thinks that if he did, I would just "quit".  Just the opposite. 

We went to work.  I only had one other client making covetous comments about the snack items.  She was not thin.  "Sometimes" she said "You have to ignore that ol' doctor and eat what you want!" 

I had to repent for the responding thought I had.  I didn't say it but it wasn't nice.  [sigh]  ..... the last thing you need are a couple bags of chips (and she was angling).  

I know what lymphedema looks like.  This wasn't it. 

Anyway, I got everything stocked.  I helped Ron, he said I was a big help.  I met the repairman and we got the food machine going again.  We made a date for next week. 

Time to go.  Happily we just came home.  I took a good nap.  Still tired when I got up.  We're off tomorrow due to probable thunderstorms, etc.  Everything is stocked, we've done what we could. 

Oh, and I had another shouting from one of the other vendor's customers.  I'm sorry, but I don't take care of that machine. 

Ron and I are the only ones working during the busy afternoon shift.  We pay refunds directly at the vending machine.  Sometimes, I told Ron, the customer either needs to yell at someone, and/or hear someone say, directly, "I am sorry that happened".  They don't want the money so much as they want the apology.  Of course, in my world they get both.  They want to see remorse. 

Well, they get it with us.  I just manage my machines as best I can. 

I put out plenty of cold food items so everyone got their sandwiches for tonight. 

We finally got home.  I forget what Ron said but I remember thinking "If someone at work treated me this way, you'd be furious, but if it's you it's OK."  I managed to sleep, in spite of the racket he made.

He's asleep now.  I'm quiet.  I will remain quiet.

If nothing else, I won't have to deal with his theological complaints/commentary while I do my God Time.   

But, ugh.  A pretty rough day, considering. 

Wednesday, April 15, 2015


Oh, I'm beat. 

Last night: hours of barking dog, earplugs helped. 

Torbie in my bed.  Awesome. 

Woke up, got the cats loaded into the carriers.  Went to the vet, got them vaccinated.  She said they look great, but a little chunky, and told me to feed more wet food. 

We came home.  I took a nap. 

Got up, went to Lifeway.  I had 3 cases of Bibles.  I also got some Bible Promise books.  That took care of the last of the Go Fund Me money (at least for now).  We brought that home and I put everything away. 

We ate dinner out with our friend, and went to the pet store.  Ron decided he wanted another cat condo for the front room, by the window.  We got one.  Torbie, in particular, loves it.  She loves to look out the front window. 

After all that, I was pretty beat. 

However, between the restaurant and the pet store, our friend put some raw peanuts in my hand, to feed the pigeons.  Within a few minutes, my allergic rash had flared up. 

I wanted nothing more than to claw the skin off my arm.  It was horrible.  Happily Ron had some benadryl. 

I believe I reacted to the peanuts.  I sure don't want to find out again. 

I'll continue to use the cortisone. 

I think I need to get some allergy testing. 

Tuesday, April 14, 2015

The bitch box

Yap.  Yap.  Yap.  Yap.  Yap.  Yap.  Yap.  Yap.  [aggressive, long string barking]  Yap yap. 

Yeah, it was that kind of night. 

I didn't get to sleep until a couple hours past my bedtime, and that was wearing my earplugs. 

This afternoon, I found my earplugs loose in the bed.  I'd like to know... or maybe not. 

I woke up exhausted.  I skipped my God Time, but I did do my shower.  Apparently I didn't do a great job with the deodorant, more on that later. 

Work.  The food machine was down, again.  I swear I think it has a demon.  It was out of service, error message.  I took all the cold food out and put it into the other food machine.  I shut the door, and it went back into service! 

I don't trust it, though.  We do have access to the 2 parts it might need, so we'll get it fixed. 

I left the cold food in the "good" vending machine.  Well, it has eaten the occasional bill, but other than that OK. 

Vending machines are a lot like children.  If you don't keep (and even if you do) a sharp eye on them, they get into trouble. 

Anyway, we got it all done and came home. 

I took a nap (after finding my earplugs).  The dog next door likes to yap when she sees me.  I said "No" in a calm voice and she stopped.  Then I said "Good Girl". 

If nothing else, God created the yappy little beast and I have to at least consider that.  I don't have to love her, but I can't hate her. 

Even when she deprives me of sleep, pretty much every night of the week.  My lone hope: the neighbors are even more exhausted than me. 

Unfortunately, her lookout is right next to my bedroom wall. 

Anyway, resolving not to complain (Ron seems to like this even though he is continuing), I've only shared it here. 

Heather's blog: the bitch box!  [snorting with laughter] 

So, I got a good nap.  We had a lot of rain come in and I had a great nap.  I heard some "fussing" from Torbie as Biscuit climbed aboard and slept next to my left shoulder.  We had a nice little family gathering. 

Gravy is very much a Daddy's boy.  Baby Girl is very much her own cat. 

I got up after a couple of hours (remember, not enough sleep last night), and helped Ron run some change.  We went to the bank. 

The trip worked, to the bank, even though the driver kept saying he would "put (my) bag away".  He didn't realize I had the change in there and it was quite heavy.  Heavy enough I donned my back brace. 

I've mentioned this, a lot of guys, very unfit men at that - who have no idea of proper lifting technique, get very upset when I "refuse" assistance and manage to get the Heavy Thing all by myself. 

"If I'd let him get it" I told Ron, after he left "He'd have blown a disc and blamed me."   People have to be trained in heavy lifts.  Not only did I undergo on the job training, I powerlift.  I understand the mechanics. 

Do I always do it picture perfect?  No.  But I get it done, and, as yet, have remained uninjured, thank you Jesus! 

We went in and managed our business.  I teased the new teller and said we were her hazing.

We finished, and had a very long wait for our ride.  The bank closed.

"I don't" I told Ron "Think it's a good idea for us, me in particular, the white woman - to wait outside a bank, in this neighborhood, at night!"

God sent a muslim driver.  I was so happy to see him I didn't care, although I will be praying for him.  I even thanked him in his native language.

When we got home I realized I reeked.  Stress sweat.  

I ordered pizza.  My hands shook terribly as I ate, but I am figuring it out.  According to my blood tests, the shakes mean I am at the right lithium level.

It's actually handy.

When I'm not trying to eat, of course. I had to use one hand to brace the other.

Now, I've read I can use wrist weights, they apparently help when the shakes are bad.  Now, remember, I just saw my doctor, my medication is known to cause tremors, and said medication level is perfect.  I am not being stupid.

If I had the shakes for no apparent reason I would of course go see a neurologist.

[shrug]  I can live my life.  I can type.  I can work.  I can take care of my daily living stuff, the cats, and Ron when needed.  I'm OK.

I also called the Christian bookstore.  I asked if they had 2 cases of the evangelism Bible in stock.  The long time employee put me on hold and checked.  A new employee picked up.  I explained what I wanted.

"Two Bibles?" No, I explained, two cases.


And a case of "Invitations", too.


I think the old-timer had to explain my antics after the call ended.

They did put all my items on hold.

I just wish I could get rid of the annoying, itchy, rash on my arm.  The cortisone is helping (I got some cheap OTC generic brand), and I'm taking extra Vitamin C.

I might take a benadryl tonight, too.  It's one of the only allergy medications I can actually consume.  

Your feet

I get a little tired when I hear women complaining about another woman's feet. 

"Oh, they're so ugly!  She looks like a crow!" 

1.  Not everyone has the money to waste on a pedicure.  $40 can buy a lot of groceries, or gas. 
2.  Not everyone has the time/energy to do a home pedicure.  Assuming they don't have a hand tremor, which I do. 
3.  Some of us know those footbaths at the nail salon are breeding grounds for flesh eating bacteria.  You couldn't pay me to put my feet into them. 
4.  Some of us don't have the time to spend at the nail salon.  

My feet work- they hold me up, get me around, and ran a half marathon.  They hold me up when I'm managing heavy loads and helping my husband.  My nails are not even, and sometimes I forget to shave my feet - why should I have to, anyway? 

Don't send me your hate.  I can, and have, done a lot more than you'd think on my feet.  My unmanicured, large, rough, feet. 

And I'm fine with that, thanks. 

If "OMG her feet are so gross I lost my appetite" that's your problem, not mine. 

I'm not staring at your feet. 

Monday, April 13, 2015


I've made a couple resolutions of late. 

1.  I won't gossip.  I fail, but I strive to avoid it. 
2.  I won't compare.  Everyone has their own trials. 
3.  I won't complain.  Again, I fail, but I strive to avoid it.  I don't like it in other people, I'm sure they don't like it in me. 

I am striving to be 1.  A good witness for Jesus and 2.  An overall pleasant person.  I want people to say "Oh, good, Heather's here!" and come over. 

Today went pretty well.  For whatever reason, the little dog next door always goes crazy barking on Sunday nights.  It goes on, and off, and on again, for hours, well past 10-11 PM. 

I console myself: the dog is annoying them too.  They have far busier lives, and far more sleep deprived.  It's going to bother them a lot more than it will me.

And aren't parents lighter sleepers?  They have to be, don't they?  Especially with an infant.

So, I didn't get the duration I wanted but the quality was decent.  I also had sweet, fat old Torbie in my bed.  She makes everything better.

I think she knows I am running depressed.   It wasn't awful today, just hard to get started this morning. 

I did get the shower and even shaved my legs.  Go, me.  I really like the in shower body lotion. 

I got my God Time later.  I always think, when I'm exhausted and horribly depressed, He wouldn't want to hang out with me anyway.  I know that is wrong, but it is pervasive. 

I have a strange rash on my right arm.  It is itchy.  I think I had contact with almond oil.  I am allergic to almonds so that would make sense.  Whatever it is, it made my skin furious. 

It's not as bad as the Horrible Hives back in 2009 (go look around October), but it's unpleasant. 

Anyway, we went to work.  We got everything done.  About the only thing of note.  I screamed "Stop!"  at Ron as he came up behind a Postal Worker using a vending machine.  He almost kneecapped the poor guy.  Later on, the guy came over, patted my shoulder, and said "Don't worry about it".  He was one of the "Thank you" guys from this weekend.  He also gave me a high-five later. 

All the machines are behaving.  I had some sales, but enough that I could keep up.  If I had the massive sales I'm sure the other vendor craves, I'd be completely overwhelmed.  I could manage what I had to do.

We left, had a good ride home.  We had a turnaround trip and went to Walmart.  I got some steroid cream!  For my arm.  I also got some soda, air filters, and garbage bags.  Ron got a lot of stuff.  I had him in the kiddie cart with me.  We also got some sodas for work.

We're working tomorrow but not horribly long.  It's supposed to rain every day this week.

That means no handouts for me, but I am pretty wiped out.  The trick is getting my rest without overfeeding the depression.

That's not always easy, especially since I am always tired.

Not complaining!  I just lack the wisdom sometimes.

We had a good ride home with someone I liked.  Ron did something sweet for the driver, which was appreciated.  He is a very generous man.

I really only have a couple of things I'd "adjust", if I could.

1.  I wish he would realize interaction with me is more important than listening to news on the phone, checking his voicemail, or watching the news on TV.  I get tired of the hand in the air "shut up Heather" attitude.

2.  I wish he truly understood my fatigue and mental abilities, instead of making jokes.  I hate it when he says "Is that all?"  But that goes to complaining so I'll stop.

What would he wish?

1. That I was the kind of housekeeper who couldn't go to bed until she'd washed the dishes and wiped the counter.

2.  That I had more energy.

Well, we all want something.

The cats are good.  Like I said Torbie's been sleeping with me more often than not, and Baby Girl's been sleeping in the doorway - we have our own "girl's room".   Sometimes I wake up and find Torbie on the kitty condo, or one of the boys in the bed.

Speaking of the bed, I need to put the winter bedding up.  I probably won't wash it before I put it on contractor garbage bags and store it in the garage.  I can wash it when I bring it out in several months.
Not perfect housekeeping, but that's something I can manage right now.

Days like this I'm going well to clean the litter box.

If I do nothing else, I clean the litter box.  All 3 of them (Ron is responsible for the one in his room).  

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Price tag

I get a lot of traffic on the weekends, so I feel like I have to at least give you an update. 

I love the new racks.  I got caught up on laundry.  I did a lot of purge/organize in the bedroom closet.  Since I have my dresser in there, and it is non-walk-in, I don't have much room.  What little room I had was taken up by various items, outsized clothes, etc. 

I will say this: if you want to get me a gift, get me some Handout Bibles, a Lifeway Gift Card, or a Walmart gift card.  I will absolutely give you your money's worth in use and enjoyment. 

I just hung up the t-shirts I washed, I have a lot, about 20.  I have 2 pairs of capris and 2 hanging-out-around-the-house pants/shorts.  Most of my t-shirts are black or neutral, but I do have a few orange (for Handouts) and other bright colors I bought when manic. 

Someone reading this will understand the horror of going through your closet and looking at your bought-while-manic selections.  Even worse, remembering what you paid! 

All that went away, I only have stuff I will actually wear. 

I finished filling up our trash can.  I will have to "hiatus" more purging until garbage day, or get some bags. 

I was just happy I had the energy for some work.  It helped, I think, that I didn't run any errands or work today. 

I worked for a couple of hours, took a nap, had a bizarre dream about Lucifer's baby (I was trying to protect him, because we were related), and woke up.  I realized I was on a fast slide to depression. 

I also need to take the lithium earlier in the day: I get fiercely thirsty and pee constantly.  It is tiring.  It is awful at night. 

So, I took my lithium, depakote, and haldol.  They got to work, but here comes the ferocious thirst and extreme fatigue. 

Ron kept telling me I should do this and that, organizing and cleaning the house.  I told him "I'm out of gas".  He was pouting and whining. 

I don't think any civilian can really understand. 

For example, one of my internet friends started a new medication that is, on occasion, used for bipolar.  She has nothing but bitter complaints about how it "slows her down, makes it hard to think, and makes her tired". 

Welcome to my world, I wanted to say.  I didn't, but I admit to feeling a little bitter.  She can take something else. 

I don't resent my side effects: I resent people minimizing them or misunderstanding the deep repercussions they wreak in my life.  People are always telling me "It's not that bad" I "Seem fine". "
Don't need to take all that".  Ron always makes cutting comments he calls "jokes" whenever I need to take a nap. 

Back in the day, when I was manic, a lot, before my diagnosis, I would work out for 2 hours a day, every day.  1 hour cardio, one hour weights.  I got down to 150 and looked pretty good. 

Recently someone (not Ron) suggested I "just go work out like you used to".  I was so, profoundly, frustrated.  He doesn't get it: I can't work out 2 hours a day anymore.  I can barely wash my hair. 

He told me his girlfriend does this and that, and looks great - and I'm sure she does.  She is not bipolar.  She is not taking toxic mood stabilizers, antipsychotics, and antidepressants that wreak metabolic havoc.  She is not me.

However, because I seem fine everyone assumes I am fine, that I'm not mentally ill.  That I'm not paying a horrific price tag (again, happy to pay it because before was a lot worse) for my apparent stability. 

You like having me around?  It comes with a price: fatigue, brain fog, nausea, vomiting, memory trouble, tremors, extreme digestive issues, a constant thirst, frequent urination, waking up feeling utterly exhausted, etc.  I'm paying that every minute of the day. 

Please respect that. 

Saturday, April 11, 2015

The Beast

Yesterday, I bought a"shelving system" that turned out to be a broken piece of junk.  Ron called our friend to take me to Walmart and return it, then go to Home Depot and get a steel shelving system. 

The guy was amenable, so we did that.  I presented the box, taped up, and then did the big reveal.  The woman's eyes widened and she said "Oh no, completely unacceptable".  It is amazing how that made me feel so much better. 

I got my money back, and we went to Home Depot.  It was kind of sad.  I asked where they kept the metal shelving.  They said they didn't carry it.  I told them, not only did I find it on the website but you have 14 in stock!   I gave them the store sku number and they were able to pull it up.  Glad I did that. 

I went and got the beast, 4 feet by 2 feet by 2 feet, 60 pounds, and very unwieldy.  It was also unbalanced.  I wrestled it onto the cart as our friend watched (he is older, and has health problems, so I never expect assistance). 

He did get some glares from other men, though, as I did various tasks like load paving stones, etc.  He got some glares on Truck Day, in fact one of the other vending guys came over and helped me put my last 4 cases of bottled water in the truck. 

Texan men are pretty protective of Texan women.  Usually, I like that.  It is nice to have the door held when I'm pushing Ron in the wheelchair, or assisting him with the walker. 

On the negative side, they act like I can't lift anything bigger than a sugar cube, but I'm OK with that now and then. 

I'd worn my back brace, good thing. 

I paid for everything and got the beast loaded into the truck.  It was a lot of fun getting said beast into the house, by myself.  60 pounds! 

Glad I have a good back brace. 

I had to go to bed pretty much the minute I got home, so I did that.  I did have a little trouble dropping off, but did, eventually. 

I have had a really good quality of sleep lately.  My configuration of pillows, bedding, and mattress ($200, 9 years ago), has been perfect.  The odd feline companion (I hope they're mine) just adds to the experience. 

Thank God. 

I am very vulnerable in the sleep deprivation department.  I get downright cranky, like a toddler.  Thank God I never had children. 

I got up early, did my God Time and shower, told the beast I'd be back, and went to work. 

We had a couple of issues and some moderate stocking.  I thought it was really sad.  I thank all my customers when they buy something.  I have done so from the day we started. 

Anyway, today, two of the "new" people from downtown (they are consolidating the two plants at our location) acted very shocked and startled.  I asked them "Did anyone ever thank you downtown?"  No, they replied. 

How sad.   Your customers pay your bills and give you a good standard of living.  Don't they deserve a thank you for that? 

We came home, I was pretty exhausted. 

I took a nap. 

I woke up right before the kids next door came home and went out to play in the yard.  Good, I told myself, at least the dog will get some companionship.  It began raining about an hour later. 

In the meantime, I was neck deep in the beast. 

1.  It requires 2 people for assembly.  I did it on my own, but only because I prayed. 
2.  The components do not appear to fit together properly.  They do, but they don't look like it. 
3.  The directional arrow on the shelf brackets was hard to find. 
4.  The shelves are heavy. 
5.  It is really hard to lift a heavy metal shelf 6 feet in the air and then slide it down over 4 legs. 
6.  As I engaged in step 5, the legs all splayed out in various directions. 
7.  About this time, Ron comes out and starts making jokes.  He ran off pretty quick. 
8.  It is pretty funny to watch Ron hobble up the hall.  Even funnier to watch him come back and try to get through my assembly, to the fridge.  He had to wait. 
9.  Once I got the first 2 shelves, the other 3 were a lot easier. 
10.  I did an OK job setting shelf heights. 

All done, I placed it on the sliders I'd bought, and began loading it with Bibles.  I have a lot. 

You get the idea.  I am about 90% done.  The Bible crate (held on Ron's wheelchair) is on the top shelf, you can see the lime green sign.  I have a folding metal handcart on the bottom shelf, and my Bible bag on the second shelf from the bottom (the white and black blob). 

You can also see my designer cabinets in the kitchen :P   They hold my plates, that's all I need.  My TV chair can just be seen in the far left of the photo.  This, of course, is my front room. 

Whoo.  I am exhausted. 

Friday, April 10, 2015


I was pretty disappointed.  I had worked hard all day doing "slave" manual labor.  I had busted my butt - literally, so tired my butt hurt, helping Ron run his business.  I had gotten up at 4 AM to ensure this happened. 

Ron, later on, found a housekeeping thing he didn't like and shouted at me for nearly an hour, demanding I keep the place better.  How am I supposed to do that, I wondered. 

Today, for instance I bought a nice-looking storage unit.  However, it was plastic, and broken to bits "It looks like they threw it off a cliff" I told Ron.  However, the box appeared fine. 

Now, I have the aggravation of returning a huge, broken, plastic storage rack.  But, like I told Ron, "I'm not eating this, Walmart will"  I refuse to just hand over $35, plus tax, for broken bits of plastic.  I paid for a storage rack: I got cheated. 

Speaking of, Ron was furious today; the paratransit company left us at Walmart an hour longer than he wanted.  He complained bitterly the whole time, doing his best to ruin my morning.  He was even complaining at random strangers. 

I can choose to feel embarrassed, or not.  I was, mildly, especially when an older lady saw me sitting with Ron, came over, and said "Oh, you must be his wife, let me give you a hug!" 

The lady was right, after all the bitching I did need a hug. 

It's just - constant, bitter, complaints.  When I object Ron tells me I'm not mad at him, I'm mad at God.  That if, I really want Ron to stop complaining, I need to ask God to serve Ron's agenda. 

When I reply, I tell him God doesn't work that way.  

Infuriating.  One reason I don't even bother to object any more. 

I just did my best to focus on positive things, happily dreaming of my nicely organized Bibles... we all know how that turned out!  [laugh]  I did get some cat toys, and some hair things. 

Houston summers are often both very humid, and windy.  My end result, frizzy hair flyaways blowing in my face and eyes, whenever I'm outside (which is pretty often).  It's frustrating.  It is also really inconvenient when I'm doing something like Truck Day. 

I got some headbands that look to be helpful, and a casual pair of shorts for hanging out around the house.  I tried the smaller size, thinking, well, my 22W are pretty comfortable, maybe I can get away with the smaller size, after all it's a 2 size pair (1X, 2X, etc).  I tried on the 2 X.  Ugly. 

Imagine sausage in a black casing.  Yeah.  It was pretty horrid.  I immediately removed them and got the 22-24 pair. 

I got some drink mix, soda, a few things for Ron. 

Our ride came early, which was great.  She was really nice, sweet, and a fun driver. 

We came home, and I took a nap. 

I've been battling a headache, partly hormonal, partly due to weather fronts.  According to the Weather Channel, I can anticipate a stormy week ahead (at least meteorologically).  That probably equates to more headaches.  Oh, well, we need the rain. 

I woke up with a cat in the bed, I'm not sure who.  I hope it was one of mine! 

I couldn't tell who it was, before I went back to sleep.  I woke up alone.  :( 

I took something for my headache, and attempted (ha!) to assemble my storage rack.  What a disappointment.  Ron's going to see about arranging a ride for me to return it tonight. 

He's not evil - just moody. 

It sounds like I got my ride. 

A visit with the parents

So, my Dad's in town.  Along with my adoptive Mom.  Say what you will, she did raise me.  I slept pretty well last night - no noise.  ...