Tuesday, October 21, 2008

And all I've got is a link

It sounds like a bad country music song: "I spent all that time at the doctor's and all I've got is a link." http://www.webmd.com/brain/understanding-peripheral-neuropathy-basics

Sad but true. We had been eagerly awaiting a call from the neurologist. Nothing. Ron "reminded" him a few times and the doctor's receptionist called today. "Sorry, all your tests came back normal. There's nothing the doctor can do". Have a nice life, and don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Ron was crushed. Me too. The only information we have? A diagnosis "Peripheral Neuropathy". I can tell from my research Ron has the "Sensory" type.

He's hardly eating at all. I put his statistics into a BMR (basal metabolic rate) calculator and he needs at least 1500. He isn't getting anywhere near that.

Now I have the fun and enviable task of getting a very stubborn man to eat. Nothing tastes right, and he's "not hungry". Fun, fun, fun.

Oh, Frosty got in a fight, so I have two injured creatures in my house. We took Frosty to the vet (if only Ron could get the same quality medical care as the cat!) and he was treated. He's already begging for treats and hopping around on his 3 good legs. He takes after his father. Except for the begging for treats. I wish Ron would beg for treats. Then I wouldn't worry about feeding him!

Ack. I am so glad I see my psychiatrist in a few days. I am ready for a tune up. Amazingly, I'm holding up pretty well.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

My pants are falling off!

About a month ago, I bought some blue jeans at Walmart. Eased fit, bootcut. Size 12.

Today I noticed they are baggy in both the butt and the crotch, and I had a lot of extra room in the waist. I have a test to see if I need new jeans. I try to pull them off when they're still fastened.

On my way out of work, I used the bathroom. Sure enough, I could pull them off without unfastening them! Not only that, I could get them on again, too.

Time to go to Walmart! I hope ALL 12's fit me now, not just the "eased".

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The gutter nearly hit my house; but I've let the bushes grow. If I'd trimmed them I'd have had some serious damage - 3 windows on the other side of the bushes!

Hurricane Photos

Our roof, below - totally fine.




These were all taken within a block of my home.


Progress pictures!

Here I am at my favorite Walmart, getting my picture taken. Walmart employees take excellent photos.

Here's Ron under Happy the afghan, which I finally finished. Notice how he's admiring the stitches (feeling it with his hand).
Is that my butt? I still need to lose 30 pounds but it's a lot better!

Heather's day off

Well, today was better. Ron and I are making each other a priority. He apologized for yesterday and of course I forgave him.

People who've just met us are always surprised to find out we're married. I don't know why - because we love each other? I couldn't tell you.

We just went to Walmart and home. Since Ron left the wheelchair at home, he collapsed onto the bench outside the door. Just getting to and from the bench to the vehicle totally wiped him out; he's sleeping now.

I'll be glad when we have a diagnosis and treatment. I hate to see him hurting.

But, like I always tell myself, one day this'll all be a horrible memory.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Ham Spread - Make God Happy

Today was raw. Waking up was fine. Going to Sam's Club was fine. Not fun to push the wheelchair in the pouring rain. Not fun trying to find a place to "park" him.

Getting the supplies we needed, fine. By the time we had our pickup to work my increased lithium doses had caught up with me. I think I mentioned I'd increased my dose, had to, because I was getting hyper and that will end with me freaking out, paranoid, suicidal, and unable to sleep. I want to forget I'm sick if at all possible.


Today I was "sick" [I]and[/I] brain damaged. I couldn't think and I kept making mistakes. Example, I left a case of milk out on the loading dock. Ron got really agggravated and yelled at me. I yelled back. I was nice to him, doing everything he asked and offering plenty of help when he looked like he needed it. I felt very unappreciated.

I felt like I was pouring all my love down and black hole of unappreciation and disrespect for Heather. That I had one purpose - a "toilet" for all his negative emotions. Feeling bad? Dump on Heather! I told him I never, ever made him feel bad when he needed [I]my[/I] help. I'd appreciate it if he tried to do the same for me.

In response, he screamed "I wouldn't have picked [I]you[/I]!" and rolled himself off into a wall. I wish I were making this up, but I don't have the imagination. I turned on my MP3 player because I didn't want to hear any more.

So. I went off into the stockroom and had a good cry. It got better. Ron banged on the wall and needed help in the middle of it, so I stopped, mopped up helped him, and went back to crying. Then my alarm went off. Pill time. Because we were supposed to go out to lunch today, I hadn't brought a lunch. I had 2 choices: Ham spread in a can, or a bag of peanuts. I had plenty of other choices but I'm not eating them.

I have to take my medication with food of I'll get sick to my stomach. Without a doubt, the most depressing part of my day was opening up that can of ham spread. Zero carbs, smells awful. Plenty of fat and protien, though. I gagged it down and took my medication. Oh. It was horrible. I am buying some Slimfast Low Carbs and taking them to work. I'd rather eat a slipper than another can of [I]ham spread[/I]. Ghastly.

After work, I realized the bus stop bench was covered in fire ants. They didn't bite me, thank God. I sat on the curb near Ron. He called maintenance about the ants, and offered me to sit in his lap. I took him up. He couldn't do it for long, obviously, but I sat on the curb when he got tired.
Our driver went past us 3 times before he saw me waving. And I'm riding with this man. On the freeway. Scary. We had a decent trip home.

Ron staggered into bed and collapsed. I had a diet soda to get the taste out of my mouth. I checked in on him before I took my nap and he asked me to fix him some lunch.

I was walking towards the kitchen, thinking "I give and give and nothing makes Ron happy. I can only give 100%!" I then had a thought I'm convinced came from God: "Don't make Ron happy. Make God happy." Good advice!

I knew God would want me to fix Ron a wholesome meal with a smile, and be cheerful about giving to him. Ron hates it when people are resentful about helping him (his family). I fixed Ron a nice lunch and even put a bottle of milk into an ice bucket for him.

He loved it and was very grateful. I went to check the mail and saw my Bubba! I sure love him. He was very sweet, rubbing against my legs, meowing, and purring. I sat down and petted him for a while, until he got bored and left. He is just full of love. I adore him.

I went inside and Frosty was already in my bed, waiting for me. I gave him some treats and dropped right off to sleep. I had my usual creepy nightmares, woke up, and came here.
I did eat smart today, but I'm exhausted.

Friday, October 3, 2008

No means NO

Ron and I had a long hellish day. It involved hours at work, an MRI, a bladder infection, and trying for over an hour to give a specimen for the doctor. That's before we had to wait over and hour to go to Walmart to fill a prescription.

I got him some AZO and a snack. He was pretty hungry. Found out we'd have to wait 3 hours for the 'script so we decided to wait and get it tomorrow. That still meant waiting over another hour for our ride.

Needless to say, when we saw our driver we were very, very happy. When we got on, though, I recognized the other passenger. She is an elderly, partially blind, diabetic woman. She is very lonely and highly addicted to sugar.

The last time we rode with her, I'd gone to Sam's Club and bought a 48-count case of Snickers. She asked me to give her one. No. I don't hand out candy to diabetics, especially not type ones with talking blood sugar meters sitting in their laps. Personally, I think it's akin to assisted suicide.

She got very upset and said I was a horrible person. Because I wouldn't give her candy that I needed for the business. That's fine. She's entitled to her opinion. I found her both offensive and pathetic, a dire reminder of why I need to stick to low-carb living. It could very easily be me sitting there in 40 years if I'm not diligent about my eating.

We ended that ride with her thinking I'm a monster. So I knew it would be an interesting ride. She told us how she spent over $200 to stay in a hotel during a hurricane because she didn't want to stay alone in her apartment. She didn't say anything until right before Ron and I got off. We bring home cases of Coke, Dr Pepper, and bottled water for the drivers. When we have a to/from home trip, we always offer the driver a drink. Ron started it and I love it.

I asked the driver "Coke, Dr Pepper, or a bottle of water?" He was thrilled and said he'd like a Dr Pepper. Ms. Pushy chimed in "I want a soda too!"

We told her no. "But I want a soda!" We can't afford to do it. "I'd give you a soda!" I told her, well, I guess that makes you a better person than me but the answer is still NO.

When we got off, she was still complaining bitterly about our "cruelty".

Right.

Consolation

Ron needs to realize, not everyone is consoled by his "Don't worry, the end of the world is coming soon" speech.  Agh.