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Showing posts from December, 2012

New Years Video Blog

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Return of the appetite

I haven't had much of an appetite for days.  Generally, when I'm really sick, my appetite is the first to go, and, if I'm wise, it also lets me know I'm sick.  If I know I'm sick I can take extra-good care of myself and maybe limit the damage. 

Ron was being onery and I stuck my armpit in his face.  He began groaning and jerking his head back and forth, trying to escape the stinky armpit.  It was pretty funny. 

"I'm going to take a shower" I told him. 
"Please" he responded in a strained voice. 

While showering, I realized that I actually had the energy to shower.  I pulled a whole handful of dead hair out while shampooing.  I just molt a lot and it had been a few days since my last shower.  I also realized I had an appetite.

Am I better?  No.  But I think I'm on the road to better. 

Ron's just happy I got that shower, and some deodorant!

I miss my Kindle

Last night I concluded that I'm better off without cold medicine.  Or flu medicine, whatever it is I've got.  I cough more when I take the remedy. 

Ron and I don't have fevers; but we do have a lot of coughing.  No runny nose or sneezing; but a lot of postnasal drip (sorry to be so specific).  I'm kind of achy and run down, Ron has a neuropathy flare.  We're both really tired.  If I had to guess I'd say the flu.

Do I wish we'd had the vaccine?  No.  Both my siblings had to be hospitalized after flu vaccines.  Flu vaccines can cause neuropathy, I can only imagine they would aggravate existing neuropathy.  I'm glad we skipped that. 

At any rate, we're at home.  No deliveries.  Doing the good citizen quarantine thing. 

It was interesting, I tried a couple different remedies I had on hand, and the best remedy seems to be nothing.  I thought it was cute, I have no appetite (always happens when I'm sick) and Ron is very concerned with feeding me. …

Sick

Baby Girl is a very unusual cat.  Upon seeing me sitting in my computer chair, coughing away, she ran into the room and tried to climb my back.  Ow.  Ow.  It didn't work out.  Thank God I was wearing my housecoat.  She's on the couch now. 

Why won't she get in my lap, or sleep with me?  I don't know.  That's the the purview of a "normal" cat and she's ever been normal. 

Last night was not much fun, changing the litter box with this cough.  Ugh.  All, and I mean all, I want to do is whine. 

I want to be the person who looks at something like this and says "What is God's will for me in this?  How can this make me a better person?"  Sadly, I ususally devolve to whining and pity parties. 

I got a good look at Ron today, and it shamed me.  He offered me his leftover pizza, he listened to me whining even though he felt just as bad, he let the cat out to play.  He laid in bed, reading talking books, watching TV, and resting.  He didn't …

Not the best day

I could make excuses.  I could. 

But I believe in being true to myself, honestly analyzing my flaws and saying "I messed up, I can do better." 

I did not have a good night.  I was up all night coughing (see, that would be the excuse), even with the safe-for-me cold medicine.  Ron had an equally bad night. 

We had a good ride to work.  I was relieved to hear the driver complain about getting over some virus, so she already had immunity.  We got to the warehouse and got the supplies, then rode to work. 

As I entered, the other vendor grabbed me.  My food machine was down.  I had to fix it.  The coffee machine was on free (I know, we did that on purpose) and "all the machines were empty".  Hm.  Interesting interpretation on that. 

That kind of set a negative tone for me, for a while.  I didn't exactly fight it, and I'm not proud of it. 

I informed her I would get right to it all, as soon as I got the cart and Ron's wheelchair so I could get him out o…

Houstonitis

Boy, I feel lousy. 

Normally I'm not a sickly person.  Migraines, yeah.  Nausea and vomiting due to medication.  Yup.  But I don't get colds and flu, not until this year. 

I had 2 colds, very unusual for me.  Then I got this, which I'm thinking is some kind of flu.  I feel really tired, not much appetite, coughing and kind of achy.  However, I'm not running a fever so it could just be what one columnist termed "Houstonitis" Houstonitis  I read that 7 years ago and it stuck. 

God knows I hear a chorus of coughing everywhere I go.  That is the bad thing about living in the big city. 

Ron got hit harder than me, not surprising, but he's on the mend and we need to go to work.  So, I'm going. 

I don't have a fever.  I'll do what I've been doing, which is rest up as much as possible. 

It's kind of unusual for me.  It's not very often my medical symptoms outweigh the psychiatric ones.  This fatigue is purely medical. 

Yeah, I'v…

Video Blog - cute kitten and some hacking.

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Short video blog. 

I did some research. It doesn't look like the flu necessarily aggravates neuropathy. It does look like a lot of neuropathy has been linked to flu vaccines, so I'm VERY glad Ron never got one. My theory - as his body fights, the neuropathy worsens, and he suffers more. I hate to see him suffer. Last night I gave him some guiafenisin tablets and he found them very helpful. Since he is drinking I have to be very careful.

Off the Subject

I have a dreadful headache.  I can't decide if it's a result of stress, something I ate, or both.  I just know my head hurts.  I tried to lie down for a while, Ron had a noisy phone call.  Then the neighbor kids came out to play.  They are very happy children.  Happy, noisy, children.  Kind of impossible to sleep with that. 

Don't get me wrong; Ron and I lived next to people who beat their family members.  One lady beat her children.  We could hear them crying and screaming (yes, we called CPS), nearly ever day.  I'm glad to live next to a happy family - when my meds are right. 

Speaking of, I did take everything as directed so it's not really that.  I think most of my mood is just caregiver burnout + depression.  I feel like nothing I do for Ron has any positive feedback.  He loves me.  Great.  But he's drinking himself to death. 

He doesn't realize, and won't hear, that the neuropathy is his body's way of screaming at him to stop drinking, plea…

The Merciful

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You know, I'd love to put me out there as a rightous, good, spiritual person.  But, the honest truth is I fail, often. 

Example, last night.  Ron was drunk and in pain from neuropathy.  He kept groaning. 

[I gave this post a lot of thought because it could be used against me]

I had an irresistable urge to yell SHUT UP.  I got so sick of it.  Groan.  Moan.  Muttering.  He fell a couple times.  Woke me up at least a dozen times. 

[Media player just cued up "Monkey" by George Michael.  Appropriate.  You might think I have problems with a bisexual artist.  Not really.  He was always very open that he'd "do" anything.  I find that a lot more honest than the artists who "come out" after making their millions.

I love "Monkey" because it talks about the pain of loving someone with an addiction.  ]



I had gone to such pains to have a pleasant night, last night.  I had a nice candle lit.  I sprayed my favorite air freshener.  I made sure the b…

It seemed like a good idea at the time

Boy, Ron and I were a pair tonight.  I called my parents, and Ron kept interrupting, drunkenly, with compliments and "tell them I love them!" 

I think the funniest moment, for me, was when Ron thanked Dad for having me, and Dad said "It seemed like a good idea at the time."  You can read that line a million different ways.  [laugh] 

I'm taking it as a compliment.  Ron kept telling me how much he loves me, etc.  It was very sweet.  At least if he's drinking, he's very nice to me now. A lot better than old days. 

I'm battling depression, but I did great today considering.  It was very windy and cold, and as a result, very quiet. 

[This blog interrupted for Bubba petting] 

Bubba spent most of the day outside, Baby Girl stayed in.  Mostly.  Ron kept petting her and telling me how much he loved her, and he loved me too...

He's still in some pain but it seems to be a little better now.  

He called to me, turn the TV to a different channel.  I d…

Merry Christmas

As I thought, our neighbors' parties went on until well after midnight. I finally figured out, duh, they are from Mexico.  Maybe I'd better look up Mexican Christmas traditions:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_in_Mexico

It explains a lot - the late night parties on Christmas eve, the late night party on January 6th.  I know to expect a party on the 6th.  However, all the neighbors kept it pretty quiet as these things go - a lot of loud talking and children playing, but no loud music. Thank you for that. 

As you know, I spent my time blogging and listening to my music.  I finally went to sleep around 1 and woke up about 9. 

I had a pretty bad headache, so I took something, ate some cereal, and waited for Ron to wake up.  When Ron woke up he was in a pretty grim mood.  I later realized he was having neuropathy pain.  I asked and he confirmed. 

He hates to complain.  Recently I asked him about a medical issue, and he said "Oh, yeah, that's been hurting for a w…

2012 Year in Review!

My neighbors are having their annual party so I figure I might as well do this.  Please, God, don't let us get any more excitement this year. 

January:  Ron's computer died.  We had ongoing drama with trying to fix it.  Then Excel died.  I ended up giving him my old computer and switching over to the Macbook my Dad had given me.  I had problems with an overly friendly guy at work; but set some boundaries and made it clear I would complain if it continued.  He got the message.  My lithium levels were an abysmal .1, meaning I had to increase my dose - increasing my nausea and other side effects.  The Mac did not allow any Video Blogs using the webcam. 

February:  Encounters with people who think I'm filthy rich.  I wonder if one of them blabbed to the guys who robbed us, but I'm getting ahead of myself.  I did a Bible Handout on Valentine's day, and broke my pinky toe on the left foot, 2 days later.  Serious pain.  Video blogs were back, using the ancient digital c…

Heather's night out

A few days ago, I saw an ad for "Girls Night Out".  I got to thinking about it. 

What would be "Heather's Night Out"? 

It would start with a couple cases of Bibles.  I'd have them all prepped and ready to go.  Ron would come with me, and we'd go to Acres Homes.  We'd set up on the corner and do a Bible Handout. 

After we finished, we'd get a bus or paratransit and go home, to put up the handout supplies.  Not a lot of places welcome a Free Bibles sign. 

Then Ron and I would head out for some fast food and get a nice value meal dinner.  Maybe Arby's.  I love their fries  - they are the best I've eaten.  A nice beef and cheddar, a curly fries, and some soda. 

Then I'd go home. 

That would be my ultimate night out.

Everyone has their something

I'd like to think I'm better about my depression. 

Example: I have a nice candle lit, playing "Evacuate the Dancefloor" for the dozenth time tonight.  Why?  It makes me happy. 

God doesn't want me to suffer needlessly.  Yeah, my depression renders me able to do the work I need to do, and keeps me leaning on Him.  I trust Him for everything as a result of my illness.  I will never complain about that. 

Even the apostle Paul had a "thorn in the flesh" (commentators think it was a nasty eye condition); he begged God to remove it, but God said "My strength is made perfect in weakness".  As a result, Paul resolved to "Glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest more fully on me" (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). 

So, I'm crying in front of my screen, listening to dance tunes, happy my cat likes his Christmas dinner - I put straight kitten food in the feeder instead of the half-and-half.  Bubba just rejected treats to eat it.…

Ready for my new brain

Still fighting depression.  I did OK most of the day, I got up on time, did my God Time, took my shower. 

I went to work, carrying a gift bag for the sandwich guy.  "For going above and beyond" I told him as I gave it to him.  He was touched. 

I went mainly with edible gifts this year, featuring a lot of the large, 8 ounce, chocolate bars.  People seem to enjoy them. 

I handed some out to the drivers, and they were very well received.  I also handed out New Testaments with chocolate and regular candy.  I think I said this before, but I did about 200 Bibles this month, total. 

I'm glad I could do it.  I told Ron, I try to approach each day as "How does God want me to serve Him today?"  I think it's a good approach.

At any rate, I could tell today was going to be a 2 Wellbutrin day.  I did pretty well, too. 

We went to work, oh, sales are terrible.  I really think only God can sustain us.  Ron had to borrow money to pay the property tax. Thank God for g…

Sunday Night

I hate spam.  That is one reason I won't monetize my blog.  I feel like my blog should be a place for reading and learning about my life, if you want, not a marketplace with "carefully selected links". 

I tend to get a spike in readership on Sunday nights, so I feel a special obligation to be interesting on Sunday Night.  It's up to you to decide if I failed. 

I can't remember if I did a blog yesterday.  Ron and I went to work, went to the bank, and then went out to eat.  I ate Samosa.  I love eating Samosa.  It's like an Indian hot pocket with a delicious filling.  Ron ate a shawerma.  He loves them. 

I went to bed pretty early and woke up early, ready for church.  I took a shower.  I did my God time.  I put on a sweater and jeans.  Well, I had to wear a t-shirt under the sweater, which had a pretty daring neckline.  If Ron could see I would wear it around the house for him, but no way would I wear it out in public. 

I couldn't get comfortable in the…

A little dizzy

It's nice to have my music back.  I love to play my music while I work on the computer. 

While working on Ron's old computer - and might I say he was a LOT more generous than I, in sharing it (I think he was happy he could help "fix" the damage), I tried listening on headphones, but Ron couldn't talk to me. 

I wasn't about to load my stuff on his computer.  He's not a fan.  He gets all prune faced. 

The only thing that's worse than hearing my music, he'd say, is hearing me sing along with it.  But I have no doubt, if something awful happened he'd miss my singing along with everything else. 

I still have the depression, hoping I toss it by Christmas. 

In the meantime, I had no music while online.  Then, something happened this week.  A generous family member, an old computer languishing in a closet, maybe.  Like I said in the video blog, if I got a new-to-me I wouldn't talk about it. 

At any rate, I can load my music now. 

I'm a …

I have Bubba

I thought of you as I sat on the edge of the bed, stroking his silky black hair.  "You're a rock star" I crooned "Everyone loves you, and you picked me!  I'm so blessed to have you in my life."  My love rubbed his head against me in agreement. 

I scooted over in bed.  "Come here".  Beautiful green eyes considered me and he leapt up on the edge of the bed, purring, and lay down next to me. 

"Bub-ba!" I crooned.  "I love you so.  You're my first kitty, you know that?  I loved you from the very first moment I met you, a tiny little black thing with blue eyes, hiding under a car."  I did. 

Envy is a sin, and boy I sinned a lot the first year of his life, wishing Bubba lived with me.  His first human was a cat collector and had about 8, total.  The rest were all striped brown tabbies, he was the only black cat, and a likely offspring of my own cat, Midi. 

Midi had to go away after developing a dangerous biting habit (particu…

Video Blogs are back

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I'm not saying anything, but "Ron's old computer" can do some amazing things. If I had a new-to-me computer I wouldn't talk about it, would I? Especially since my blog is bookmarked in the old computer. I really, really, doubt they would be reading me, though.

Distributed and eaten

I'm still battling depression. 

Ron and I went to Foodtown this morning and I got some ground beef at the sell by date, cooked that up, gave some unseasoned meat to the cats, and froze the rest.  I also got milk and didn't realize they were having a REALLY good sale on Diet Dr Pepper 6 pack bottles - so I got some. 

I am happy that, this time, I got smart.  I have plenty of really easy to cook food.  All I have to do is warm it up.  No more staring at a pantry full of things that require hours of cooking, or raw, frozen, meat in the freezer.  I also got staples like eggs. 

I spent more of my budget than I planned, but I figured it was worth it to be stocked up.  Everytime I go out in public I hear a lot of very nasty coughing.  We're not wet so it's not mold allergy - the usual winter time offender.  It's some nasty virus.  One I don't want. 

If Ron got sick it would be inconvenient for me.  If I got sick it would be devastating for Ron.  I really want to s…

Not that depressed

My aunt recently mentioned they were passing a funeral processsion.  I never really saw them until I got to Houston, and then I thought "What a waste of money". 

After Ron's accident, his brother planned Ron's funeral aloud (2 limos, but I don't think they were saving me a seat!), as I told him, "Ron's not dead!".  The guy wanted a theatrical production. 

Happily, I will be planning Ron's funeral now, when he has one, assuming we don't get raptured.  Ron's easy.  I'll have it at the church, invite all our drivers, punch bowl, food, and a slide show to "One More Child" by Earth Wind and Fire (as requested).  Pastor will preach a salvation message and I'll hand out Bibles.  Then I'll donate his body to science, if they want it.  If they don't I'll cremate him. 

I'm pretty much the same, except "Built 4 This" by Thi'sl, and they'll have to get their own Bibles off the table.  Body goes …

Strident

I've seen a lot of pretty strident posts in the last week: "tragedy will ensue when God is taken out of school."  "How can someone grieve for 20 dead children, without caring about the thousands aborted daily?"

You know what?  The last place you should bring that up is on the graves of over 20 dead.  In my mind, it's right up there with the Westboro gang.

When I'm battlign depression

As I stared into the jar, sadly gazing on the fossilized chunk of former iced tea, I thought, today has been hard. 

From an outward standpoint, it was a fine day.  We got up, went to the warehouse, got our supplies.  We run a "just in time" inventory.  I brought it in and stocked it.  Business was a little better, but nowhere near our past holiday sales. 

Unfortunate, especially with the property tax due.  This year, I intend to put aside some money every month, even though Ron always tolds me no.  We have about $3K in insurance and taxes every year - peanuts compared to many, I'm sure. 

When you make what we do, it's a bit more formidable! 

I have some regrets, mostly wishing I had been medicated earlier so I could have been a better employee, helped Ron make more money, and saved more money for hard times like now.  Sigh.  But I can't look in the rearview mirror.  Not for long.   I can't say "I wish I had saved $200 a month back when I made more money…

Full of play

So, what did I do yesterday? 

We went to work, stocked, got the sandwiches.  Ron changed our schedule to better match the delivery.  Everyone's happy now. 

After work, we came home for a little bit (it's still a little wierd, coming home, wondering if someone broke in again), and left again. 

I had printed up a one page testimony "Why I hand out Bibles".  I took that, and Ron's latest tract, and we went to the copy shop.  I got a lot of copies run off, got Ron to Subway, and left him at Starbucks.  Then I went to the pet store. 

I wanted the "Good" cat treats.  Innova, in the red bag.  They have probiotics, no corn, wheat, or soy.  They do have real meat and veggies.  The cats adore them and they are a lot better than the old treats.  Corn meal and corn syrup?  For MY babies?  No way. 

Even if it means I get pinched a little, financially, they are getting quality stuff.  So, I got a couple bags of the Innova, and some all-meat treats for the kitten…

Ready to fight

Ron decided, on his own, to swear off the hard stuff.  He hates blackouts.  After making the decision he found some Everclear in a flask in his cabinet.  He smelled the bottle (probably trying to see if it was the whiskey), considered a moment, shuddered, and put it back in the cabinet.  I told him it would make a great molotov cocktail or disinfectant.  He shuddered again and said yeah. 

Someone asked a good question: does he vomit?  Does he have hangoves?  Never, to both.  Well, he did back in 1993 when he got laid off.  Other than that, no. 

So, what does he do when he has a blackout?  Generally he just stays in one location, I don't realize he's having a problem until he starts making grunting noises.  When I hear them I know we have entered the land of the blackout.  When he tries to get up to the bathroom, he falls a lot, might crawl, or just lay there on the floor.  He will probably pass out - which looks a lot like falling asleep to me because he is already lying dow…

Handout Insert

I'm going to put one of these in each Bible.  I feel like God wants me to share a little more with the recipients.  My life in a page, ha ha: 

Why I hand out Bibles


by Heather B.



My mother was a bipolar alcoholic. She drank hard liquor every day she was carrying me, messing up my brain for life. I was disabled before I was even born. I'll never drive, or hold the "smart" job my Dad always wanted for me. Instead, I stock, and take care of my very disabled husband. How did I end up where you found me, on the street corner with the Free Bibles sign?



My early childhood was really, really bad. Child protective services had to get involved. My mother lost custody. My parents divorced. I started seeing things that weren't there, which scared everyone so much I stopped talking about it. Growing up was really hard. I was bullied, a lot, because I was different and no one understood I had brain damage (I was diagnosed at 17). I felt like no one understood me or cared if …

A quiet day at home

As I assumed, Ron woke up.  Around midnight, after I went to bed, I was awakened by him shouting for me. 

I had planned to be pretty nice when he woke up.  Instead, I got pretty cranky and told him I was trying to sleep. 

He felt around, figured out he was in the kitchen.  He freaked out when he felt the sheet.  I'm not sure why.  He started yelling about missing church, I told him it was MIDNIGHT and CHECK YOUR WATCH before talking to me when you wake up.  He apologized. 

He called our friend Justin (at midnight) to cancel church and Justin prayed with him.  Thank you, Justin.  Ron was very touched. 

I woke up, later, to go to the bathroom.  Ron was lying across my doorway.  It was dark, I couldn't tell if he was awake. 

"I'll sleep on your doorstep, all night and day, just to keep you from walking away" I sang as I stepped over him (Song - Ain't too proud to beg).  He snickered. 

After I used the bathroom he wanted to know what had happened.  He lost …

A little more comfortable.

Ron's still out in the kitchen.  After some internal debate, I picked up his head and put a folded towel underneath, and placed a sheet over his body.  I wouldn't want someone to leave me on the cold tile floor.  I can't get him back to bed and I don't think I should. 

At least he'll be a little more comfortable.  Even my Al-anon book says to put a blanket on the  loved one.

And, another handout

Ron was still intoxicated this morning, when I left. I was glad I had left him home.


I had strapped 3 cases of "done up" Bibles into my hand cart. It weighed about 50 pounds. I dragged the hand cart about half a mile to the bus stop.

I had strapped the sign to the cart, on top. I didn't think about the fact that people could see the Free Bibles part until cars started pulling over at the bus stop! I thought that was really cool. I handed out 4 Bibles total even before I got on the bus.

When I got to the corner, it appeared empty. I got off with the cart. As it turns out, the guy begging had just sat down for a minute, and I didn't see him. Ooops.

It's a good intersection for begging, I guess. It's sure good for Bible Handouts.  I looked across the street, I've done handouts there, but nope, it was taken.

I decided, if two people can beg on the same corner I can do a handout at the tail end while he begs at the "head". That's what I did.…

Planning the handouts

Tomorrow, I'm doing a Bible Handout. 

I think it might give you a perspective on my life if I share what happened tonight.  Ron was drinking grain alcohol, the 100% alcohol stuff. 

He was very gloomy and distraught.  I realized, so many people are hurting tonight. 

God just put it in my head "Do the Handout".  So, I will.  On the bus.  Probably a good thing. 

Ron became very derisive.  He accused me of doing it as a "works" thing.  Saying I was trying to earn my way into heaven.  I can't do that - even if I wanted to.  I don't care about rewards.  I care about hurting people out there tonight, who need Jesus. 

I told Ron the truth, the same thing I tell people who ask:  I'm doing this so people have what I do, faith in God, and comfort in knowing He loves us. 

Ron then began calling my faith a "crutch" and worse, implying I only loved God because I have mental illness.  I don't have to defend myself to Ron, especially when he'…

Seared

Ron was very distraught today, like 99% of America.  I wasn't. 

I got to thinking why.  Of course we have 'the usual" - Dad's office shot up when I was 13, I didn't know if Dad was alive for hours. 

Here's the original:  ESL shooting.  I was already extremely depressed, this put me into the hospital about a month later.  So, it's pretty safe to say old "Dick" nearly killed me, too.  I still have a grudge on that.  I still remember what it was like, watching the TV (Dad was away from work, meeting with the my doctor about my depression - if I hadn't been bipolar he would have been in the middle of the shooting), waiting and waiting to see if Dad was coming home.  The relief when he did, and the sight of Mom hugging him as she told him what happened.   Since he's still alive, the shooter, I pray for him, grudgingly, every day. 

I also thought of another incident:  Serial killer shot up my hometown when I was 5.  "August 18, 1979: Fr…

What about what happened?

Are mentally ill people evil? NO. Can they be? Yes. Can a normal person commit a horrible, evil, act? Absolutely.


What happened today was an evil problem.

With the things that happened to me, in my life, plus having mental illness and brain damage, I could have very well ended up killing someone. But I didn't because I have Jesus in my life - guiding me, encouraging me to forgive those who harmed me, loving and praying for everyone, friends and otherwise.

Instead of bringing harm, I bring care to my husband and cats, affection and interest to my friends and customers, love to my family and friends. But that's not me, that's God in me.

Getting God in your life fills that life up with hope and potential. The slain are with Jesus - Revelation 21:4 "4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

Right now the shooter is screaming in hell - …

My husband the Christmas tree

I had a thought today, which I shared on Facebook:  "Something funny. I had written out the first 18 years of my life, in detailt.  I hought I might publish it [someday]. Guess what was on the computer that got stolen? Along with video blogs with my testimony, Gospel Rap and Gospel metal, etc. Whoever got the computer has a virtual Heather witnessing to them wherever they go. LOL"

True.  I had a couple of sudden system crashes over the years, and I have learned to back up everything.  So, "my story" is backed up.  I only had 2 songs I hadn't backed up, but I'm sure I can re-download the one I really want from Amazon when I get my "new" computer. 

Speaking of, it's on the way.  It is a few years old.  Better than this one.  I can't even listen to music and get online!  I can post, however, and I used it to change all my passwords.  Good boy.  Saved my butt.  It's a good little workhorse, and I have spent many happy hours in front of it o…

Good Luck with that.

I get frustrated when my drivers imply I am a racist, when I refer to the burglars as "Crackheads". 

What, only a young black man gets addicted to crack?  That's not what I see on cable. 

I'll tell you what I do know.  I saw, with my very own eyes, a young black man stealing my lawnmower back in 2004.  Naked Wife  I saw, with my very own eyes, 2 black men robbing me at the bus stop in 2009  Mugging Fail.  My neighbor, in 2012, saw with his very own eyes, two black men robbing my house.  Robbed

What would you think? 

Personally, I think this: the devil wants to use youg black men to hurt me, because they are part of the group I am called to reach.  I have handed out countless Bibles to eager, young, black, men. 

The devil wants me to hate them so I'll stop. 

Good luck with that.

A very sad Christmas story with a happy ending

The year was 1997. 

I lived in California.  I used to love buying things online, I could hit "C" and California came right up.  This, however, was before I got online. 

I was working for a small business contractor.  He wasn't paying me on time.  I got tired of it and found another job working for a big company. 

I was well qualified to do the work.  I was hired a week or two before Halloween.  I remember on Halloween, the division manager (we had about 10 people total, the office manager and her boss, the division manager) was angry at me because she didn't like my "gypsy" costume.  I wore a few flowing silk shirts layered over a silk skirt and sandals.  I had tied a scarf around my hair.  Everyone had said looked "cute" and "pretty" but for some reason she hated it. 

Fast forward a few weeks.  I am doing my job.  I desperately want to move to Texas (forever praising you on that one, Lord).  I had a small radio I kept at the desk.  …

"I've got mine"

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Baby Girl came and gave me a "visit".  She stole the cushion off my chair so I gave it to her.  She looks good on it. 

I had a pretty busy day.  My sister had moved, so I got her new address last night.  She has an amazing ability to make the most awful medical stories incredibly funny.  She could use a prayer or two, if you pray. 

I had her goodie box, so I put it in my tote bag and went to the Post Office with Ron.  We went to the fast food restaurant around the corner, and Ron waited.  He had plenty of food, drink, and bathroom.  I went to the Post office.  A bit of a line, but not bad, really. 

I wanted to mail her gift while it was still pretty cold.  Enough about that.  I know it is something she likes. 

I was a little nervous about leaving.  The last time we went to the Post Office someone robbed us! 

By the way, I figured it out.  Most of the neighbors had at least one person home, the day we were robbed.  The guy down the street is retired and never leaves hom…

Happy Ending

I looked all over and couldn't find Baby Girl.  I had called her and called her. 

Bubba, my big black cat, and Momma's boy, didn't have any answers either.  He's been sleeping with me the last couple night, which I love.  He may not be conventionally cuddly but I'd rather sleep with him - reach over in the middle of the night and pet him, go back to sleep, wake up when he braces a leg against my back for some grooming, etc. 

It was fairly late and I've noticed Bubba likes to sleep on the front porch.  On the doormat, actually.  So, I told Ron, "Go get Bubba".  Ron went out with a bag of treats and Baby Girl ran up to him. 

He came in, totally shocked.  He had completely given up. 

[Here is a good point to mention that, due to the brain damage Ron suffered, he feels emotions very intensely and has no "filter" to block expression..]  He was in shock. 

I looked.  Yup, it's Baby Girl.  I hugged her and gave her some treats.  Ron petted …

A piece of Ron, missing.

Daddy's Girl is missing (the tabby).  Ron is VERY upset.  "Don't you get between me and God" he warned.  "I'm not about to do that" I replied.  So, Ron is shouting tirades at God and threatening black masses (do I need to capitalize that?).

We don't know what happened.  She tried to eat Ron's TV dinner and he roared at her, she ran off.  We haven't seen her since last night, and it was "very" cold for Houston (freezing). 

"Ron" I told him bitterly "We shouldn't have kept saying we didn't care about the robbery, the cats were OK."  Now we don't know what happened. 

We had two trips from home today, and both drivers took a different route out of the subdivision.  I didn't see any road kill.  I didn't see Baby Girl, either. 

As you know, my neighbor is doing remodel work on his house.  He keeps two windows open during the day, while working, and shuts them at night.  I waited for him to open …