Showing posts from September, 2013


Some days I'm pretty dry, nothing to write, especially when depressed. 

Other days I have a couple of issues poking at me. 

A friend of mine was discussing Lordship Salvation... and I didn't follow it.  I just believe in Jesus, pray, and read my Bible.  I can do that alone or among others.  I don't make it complicated. 

At the bottom of the thread, which had gone on for a while, a woman was proclaiming she had 2 degrees and could not figuure out the Bible for herself.  She had to be taught how to understand and interpret the Bible for herself. 

I don't often feel the Holy Spirit making a lot of noise in my life, generally directives to shut up, be nice, and pray.  Upon reading that I had alarm bells going off in my soul. 

I have always felt that God honors a simple faith.  Every cult I have encountered (ones perverting the Bible) have always said "Oh, you need someone to help you understand this." 

I quoted James 1:5 at a JW, not long ago.  She had never hear…

Carry on?

So, good question: What's happening at work? 

Hell if I know. 

Our State Liason (I think I spelled that wrong) says "I told them we must get 2 week's notice before moving your machines.  They will let us know.  Carry on with the vending." 

That's it.  Ron called the work manager responsible for our move - "Call your state guy". 

Needless to say, I have not been eating on plan lately. 

I also cycled depressed but I know that has nothing to do with work.  I was due. 

So, I've been praying a lot, taking my vitamins and medication, and trying to get enough sleep.  I plan to do some writing tomorrow in Broken. 

Ron and I got some inventory for work, we will be stocking that tomorrow.  I get the sandwich delivery.  We figure out our "Galaxy" order. 

I'm also planning my next handout.  People were pleading for Bibles after I had given them all away.

Any cat

Well, that was fun.  One of the companies in the "things I like" post left a comment.   

Now I want some cheese! 

I was thinking today. 

I used to have a favorite type of cat.  Now I don't. 

My first cat was a tabby and white.  Then I had an orange and white tabby, longhair.  A grey and white male.  A diluted calico, a black cat (he was a foster). 

Then we moved to Texas and met a lovely brown tabby.  He lived next door, but came over to visit.  Another move and I met a sweet black and white who gave me her solid gray, and solid black kittens. 

Another move, the kittens came with.  I got them fixed, back when you could do it cheaply.  I had a male (black) and a female (gray).  Shadow, the gray, was more Ron's cat.  She was so happy when he came home from the hospital.  He didn't even know the word for "cat" but he'd call her "Old Gray". 

Midi (short for Midnight) was a criminal thug who stole Ron's fried chicken as he ate it, ba…

Things I like

It's time for another episode of things I like.  I don't do advertising, but now and then I like to talk about things I like. 

I don't get any money; I just feel it's worthwhile to toot the horn. 

Closest to my computer, we have the Renuzit pumpkin latte air freshener.  Cost, 97 cents. 

I have a cat nearby.  Boy, my girls LOVE their Blue Wilderness Chicken flavor cat food.  Ron's in charge of feeding them and boy they come running. 

Comcast - they've been good to me.  The tech was incredibly nice about installing the internet.  I just get online.  Cable works great, too.  The bundle is still a lot cheaper than getting our services seperately from the other guys, one of whom literally made me cry when talking to tech support. 

I found a reciept today: Cabot White, $8.87.  It took me a while to figure out it was my beloved Cabot Extra Sharp White Cheddar Cheese.  It is so delicious.  I go through pounds a month. 

Stainless steel, titanium, and tungsten ring…

Leave a message

Huh.  Somewhere along the line I passed 2 thousand posts. 

Recently, a woman left a comment asking me to email her.  I don't do that. 

However, if you leave a comment, let me know it is PRIVATE, I will read it and delete it, then address the issue in a post.  You'll maintain your privacy. 

If it is OBVIOUS cult or alternate religious theories, I will delete it.  I do post some comments from those I consider "seekers" if I feel God wants me to do so. 

I tend to get mostly faith issues, and, I think, a few as regard mental illness.  More than one person can read those replies.  I publish those comments unless told not to, or they have very personal information I assume the writer does not want shared. 

As I told Ron, though, you've got the writers, and the readers, on the internet.  Most people are readers.  I'm a writer. 

Do I think I'm "all that"?  No.  God is always working on my pride issues.  If you find me interesting great, and keep r…

Pharma whore

Medication, I was told recently, is a scam for (big pharmaceutical companies) to addict people with so-called "mental illness". 

I was told that people with mental illness are often just "toxic" and need a good cleanse, the right vitamins.  Perhaps an elimination diet. 

But, the speaker allowed, she guessed it was OK for me to take my medications, having all those nasty psychotic epsisodes and all. 

The only thing that smokes me more than being told I don't need medication, is someone "allowing" me to take it.  I find both infuriating. 

I went nuclear when she told me her son had "been diagnosed bipolar" but she had taken him off his meds.  She told me he was "fine". 

She had shared some information a while back that indicated quite the opposite, but I felt God did not want me to throw it at her.  I didn't. 

Where, oh, where, do I start? 

Well, I don't have kids.  I only have a few cats, but I have a theory. 

It is …

I'm going back!

I'm going to talk about a dirty little secret in evangelism: discouragement.

Unlike people who put on crusades or do altar calls, I have no idea if my work has borne any fruit. Rarely someone will tell me I already gave them a Bible. Usually they are smiling, and I tell them I will continue to pray for them daily. They say thank you. That's it.

So, sometimes I wonder if it's meaningful or just an exercise God uses to keep me humble and obedient.

Humble, you may ask? Yeah, like when the carload of guys waved me over, acting eager. I ran over with the Bibles and they put up the window, laughing at my disappointment.

Humble - like when the guy stopped his car dead in the intersection and said "I have to get a photo for Facebook". I felt very odd, but I smiled as he took the photo and posted it. I had an orange shirt, vest, and sign, so if you see it put up a link. I kind of felt like a zoo animal even though he was really nice.

Then I stood there and s…

What is Jesus doing?

Well, I went off the diet wagon a bit today, but I'm back on it now.  Nerves. 

So, I thought I'd address something else.  Last night a friend was talking about "shining our lights in the world".  It sounded nice and Biblical. 

Then she went on to say that meant doing nice things without sharing Jesus.  I have issues with that. 

For instance, I know at least 3 people.  I witnessed to them, gave them Bibles, sharing my faith in every way possible.  They died.  One heart attack and two cancers. 

Two, I know were saved.  One I don't know.  But, if he is in hell, I know I did everything I could to keep him out.  That's what God wanted me to do. 

How?  Let me tell you, if I make a statement and can't back it up with the Bible, don't believe me.  Get the hell out. 

Matthew 28:19 19 Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,20 teaching them to observe all thing…

NO news

No news today. 

I did hear Dr Pepper changed our delivery date.  We went ahead and made a modest order.


Last week, when I met "Larry" the manager, I had frizzy hair because I'd been too depressed to fix it.  This morning, I presented an even more authoritative image, with sugarfree chocolate frosting smeared on the right breast of my light-colored t-shirt.  [facepalm]  I didn't notice until I'd gotten to work. 

I brought some sugarfree devil's food cupcakes for the other vendor's diabetic employee.  I didn't want him to feel deprived as I handed out brownies, but I don't want to hurt him.  I tucked them in my pan with several chocolate peanut butter chip brownies. 

Apparently, not very well!  [laugh] 

So, we went to work.  I did an inventory, and boy I needed chips.  We stocked what we had and I gave away brownies to the other vendors and the "girls" in the credit union. 

I know things are tense at work.  The other vendor really disappointed me, making a few comments that really stuck. 

"I don't need to worry about money"…

Happy thoughts

I am a nervous eater. 

I was doing OK.  Until I made the sugarfree devil's food cake in the brownie pan.  I had a dozen, lovely, little sugarfree chocolate cakes, and that's before we get to the sugarfree icing. 

I didn't eat all of them, but I did eat 4 (12-5-1 for Ron).  I should have known the sugar alcohol would provoke a migraine. 

Somehow, I thought I was exempt. 

Am I going to flog myself, here?  No.  Just a statement of how I'm coping. 

Ron's grown an amazing faith.  I am really impressed.  I can honestly say this, if I met him today I would definitely be interested in dating him, and give him my phone number. 

So, I decided to focus on happy things. 

I'm going to assume the business will become far more profitable.  What would I do? 
1.  I'd replace that leaking kitchen faucet (I think the cabinets, counter, and sink are fine). 
2.  I'd buy a toilet with a better flush.  I get tired of plunging. 
3.  I'd paint the bedroom, and han…


I wrote some new chapters in "Broken" if you're following.  Just remember to scroll down or you'll get spoilers. 

Ron has a lot of health problems. 

He is totally blind.
He is partly paralyzed on his right side. 
He has arthritis and allergies. 
He's diabetic (and I'm going to hell for giving him a bite of that brownie)
He has neuropathy in his torso, legs, and feet. 
He has very poor endurance for "walking" if you can call it that and requires the wheelchair for any travel over 100 feet. 

The worst, for both of us, is the hearing issue.  The last time he was tested he was about 50% deaf in each ear.  One ear was better for high frequencies, the other better for low.  He often points the "good" ear at me when I talk to him.  He turns the volume up on his cell phone. 

And he can never, ever, hear me if I speak to him from the other room.  I still try though, foolishly hoping one day he'll reply.  He always tells me he can't …


Every day, Ron and I anxiously await news - will we have a business next month? 

Ron has exhibited an amazing peace and faith that blow me away.  He reassures me that God has it, we just need to be patient. 

I, however, have been running a little more anxious.  Especially when Ron, eating a brownie I'd baked, spit out a dental crown. 


The Tone

Autoplay just brought up "End of my Rope".  Good song. 

I have done pretty well with the stress today, only minor freaking out about the business. 

I didn't do so well on the ride home from Walmart, though.  I had gone to get a drink because Ron told me I had 10 minutes. 

When I got back to the cart a strange woman had picked up my they-don't-make-them-anymore tote bag by one strap, guaranteed to destroy the bag, and had one of my other bags in her other hand.  I tried to take them from her but she said "I have it". 

I told her "You're going to rip the bag if you carry it like that, can you PLEASE set it down so I can carry it properly?"  She did, and walked off with my insulated tote bag. 

I had a stainless steel mixing bowl, some aluminum cake pans, and a quart of heavy cream in the insulated bag.  You can imagine my horror when I found her hanging the straps of the bag over the seat back, and making aggressove push-up motions, pushing …


"I'm just going to stay in the house" I told Ron.  "I'm pretty tense.  That soccer ball hitting the house and the kids screaming are getting on my last nerve." 

Unfortunately, during the family soccer games next door, they use my fence as the primary line, the side of the house as a goal zone.  Because we bought a house with a zero property line on that side, the side of the house is the property line, and the kids see it as a nifty orange wall/goal zone. 

Dude, that's my bedroom. 

I noticed, recently, that the father had moved the goal (they made their own, kid-sized goal - let me tell you latino families are very serious about soccer) to his fence, between my house and theirs, facing the street, which cut down on the noise. 

Most nights I am only midly annoyed by the screaming and thumps as the ball hits my house and fence.  Most nights. 

As you know, things are a little tense, though.  I have no idea if I'll have a job in 10 days.  What will…

Next Friday

"At least it isn't our health" I told my aunt (I should have said "Or the health of anyone we love". 

However, yesterday, while at work, I came out of the credit union to find looking as though he'd been gutted.  He had  blank, gaping, expression mixed with profound shock. 

I ran to him - that's what I do.  I saw a manager was standing nearby. 

"We are shutting down your whole area" I was told.  "And moving your machines.  We don't know where yet but we'll find some place.  In the meantime you are out of business here as of next Friday." 

I imagine I sported a similar expression to Ron's.  Where will they put us? 

Also, per the contract, we are *only* permitted to vend in the cafeteria area.  The other vendor has the contract for the rest of the plant.  I hope he is feeling generous 'cause it looks like we'll be coming into his territory. 

Then I tell myself, who is going to tell Ron "I don't care i…

Quality time

If I didn't know better, I'd think Ron was spoiling me!   My love language is quality time. 

He took me out for Mexican food yesterday (boy, the place was packed, it's a good thing we had an hour!), and frozen yogurt today. 

I had a pretty bad headache on Saturday, but we went out anyway.  I had the omlette (bacon, ham, cheese, no onions or peppers), and 5 tortilla chips with hot sauce.  Somehow, that hot sauce can work on my brain and short out a headache. 

It was pretty nasty.  I had an appetite, though, and murdered the entire omlette.  Ron had Chilaquiles Nortenos.  The servers are always impressed when I order that for him. 

Ron's one of those, "What do I like, honey?" guys.  He forgets the nortenos so I correct him, to his pleasure. 

Now, Ron eating is quite a sight.  Ron lost the use of his right side in the accident.  He can walk around the house OK, leaning on walls and such, but his right hand usage was destroyed.  He can't type and he cert…


If you're active on Facebook, you may have read those outraged posts "Someone unfriended me!". 

Well, someone did.  I can only conclude it's because they either believe in that "Name your healing and you will receive it" nonsense, or they were offended by Ron's diabetic leg photos.  I'm guessing the latter. 

Hey, I'm trying to WARN you!  If the images alarm you that much, you need to look at your diet and see your carb counts. 

It's funny because I have posted about the Mark of the Beast, the Rapture, sin, hell, salvation, stated that Jesus is the only way to Heaven.  Ron asked me to put up a video called "Big Butt Women" by Horace Trahan (it's a cute Zydeco song).  No one had a problem with that. 

But a diabetic blister sends them running, and now I'm down to 264. 

Am I upset?  No. 


Leg Ulcer Photos

As you know I have had a lot of anxiety-ridden drama over Ron and the Leg Ulcers. 

They're like the horrible garage band that never leaves. 

How bad, you ask? 

Here we go.  I got permission from Ron of course. 

Ron brags I was able to deduce what two doctors could not - a high blood sugar coupled with all-night use of the leg massager (two balls on a stick design, and sporting a warning label warning the user to never, ever, do that) led to burn-looking blisters.  They popped.  They got infected. 

No one knew what was going on.  Ron mentioned diabetes and I got out my meter, and discovered yes he is diabetic.  The neighbor had an all night party, Ron drank more vodka, and more blisters. 

He also got one when he had the blended coffee drink at Starbucks, and the newest one was from "just" falling asleep with the massager on his leg. 

Heather, you ask.  How could you stay with him?  Well, it's my job.  I don't believe in conditional marriage vows.  "In …

Bengali Terror

I screamed as I stood in the hallway, a flying Bengali terror headed straight for my face.  Baby Girl had leapt into the air after a teaser toy and headed straight for me!  Her mouth was open, showing all her teeth, all four legs outstretched, claws extended.  Of course I screamed.  Anyone would. 

We strongly suspect Baby Girl (Little Girl to Ron) is a Bengal.  Only God knows how she ended up in my yard.  No one lost her.  So, she's been ours for a year.  She is the brown spotted tabby in my slideshow to the right. 

She has some Bengal mannerisms, meowing while eating, a very "different" meow, unique coloration, and a very high play drive.  I've told Ron I think God sent her to us to give me a playmate when I'm depressed. 

Torbie is awesome, don't get me wrong, but she's not very lively.  Baby Girl will literally paw at the laundry room door (home to the laser pointer), howling for playtime.  I always take it off and we have a good time playing laser.�…

I miss my wedding ring

A proposal is, hopefully, a once in a lifetime event.  Every woman wants it to be special; and I think, most men too. 

I have to tell you this story to lead up to my purchase of "new" wedding rings yesterday. 

When Ron and I met, we fell hard and fast.  We agreed to move in together right after I turned 18, and then get married (my understanding). 

Well, we moved in and that went fine.  We lived in a horrible converted garage apartment with occasional sewage issues.  We had a concrete floor with an enormous floor drain.  But we never got married. 

Ron said he wasn't ready, I had issues, he had issues.  A year later we moved to our next place.  It was a lot better but still in a terrible area (none of this ever mattered to me as long as I didn't have that floor drain or sewage issues). 

I was working for Target, he'd gotten a job working for a computer firm.  He did customer service for the blind equipment division.  They even loaned him an item so he had exp…

About work

I have been insanely busy with work in the last few days.  However, I'm not embarrassed anymore.  The machines are WELL stocked, the stockroom is OK, and we have a good product mix. 

It, however, wore me out. 

Now, in the old days it wouldn't matter.  However, when I put myself out there with my real name, when I'm considered high risk by police due to severe mental illness.... I might end up with an unexpected visit if I neglect the blog!   "She hasn't posted in a week and she was really depressed!" 

I should have at least sent a text from my cell phone. 

No, I do not need any intervention.  I really have worked my butt off.  I learned something interesting, between the lugging stuff to work, pulling it on the hand cart, and stocking (a lot of bending over and reaching).  It's a good butt workout.  I can literally "work" my butt off!  Especially when I had to move a vending machine.  I literally used my butt like a battering ram.  LOL 


The cats have made a real man out of me

Pretty depressed today. 

Good news, lots of nice cuddles with Torbie.  I feel so sorry for her former "owners" having to give her up.  They must miss her every day. 

I had a flashback to the old Bubba days when Baby Girl (aka Varmit) brought home a live Katydid.  Bugs can scream, you know.  Boy, did it scream.  So did Ron. 

Varmit, being a good daughter, brought it into my room at first, until I shouted at her.  Torbie got up, fascinated "What's this?  Oh, how exciting!" while taking a few bats at it with a multicolored paw.  She used to be such a nice girl. 

Varmie then dragged her treasure into Ron's room (Ron should have shut the door the second he heard the racket, he's out of practice).  Ron started screaming my name.  I laid in bed for just a second, thinking "What if I didn't get up" and then envisioned Ron frantically whacking everything with his shoe, including Torbie.  Can't have that. 

I got up, got a shoe from under th…

Each other

I just adjusted the towel on my chair, thinking "Someone seeing this would probably think I have an elimination issue".  I don't, praise God.  But I do spill drinks, and I have a vomiting cat. 

Bubba was probably the worst for that.  He loved to eat things that didn't "agree" and then he'd huck it up in my bed, usually, the floor, chair, or couch.  I loved Bubba so I developed work arounds.  Mainly, a lot of towels on things.  I noticed it helped a lot with spilled drinks and food (I hardly ever eat at the table), Ron messes, and such. 

So, I've kept them. 

The last couple days have been insanely busy.  Work, lots of it.  Looks like they really did merge the Beaumont processing center with our location.  They are also bringing in the District Office, AND building a major expansion. 

That equals a lot more postal workers, hungry contractors, and more business.  Which equals a LOT more work for me. 

Don't get me wrong, I have a strong work et…

Photo post

Just for fun, I'm going to post some photos. 

This is the soda I had to put away today.  This is about half to a third of the soda we use in a month. 

 This is what I do for a living: 

Don't fart, Ron, you'll kill Torbie! 

Torbie was so cute, here, I made her wallpaper for my phone. 

Baby Girl sleeping in Daddy's wheelchair.   Nearly every cat we've had since the accident has loved to sleep in the wheelchair.  ALWAYS the girls (except Torbie). 

Video Blog! I hope you notice some weight loss.

Humans are not

Boy, I've gotten all kinds of name calling in the last, 20 minutes or so. 

What, Heather, you may ask, was your "Crime?" 

"Cooking dinner" I'd reply. 

You'd remark in astonishment and I'd agree with you. 

Ron is EXTREMELY paranoid about the electric bill.  During the summer, he forbids showers after 9 AM - doesn't matter if I just mowed the yard, I "can't" take a shower until the next morning.  I have found the bath wipes used for invalids very helpful. 

Ron is also pretty "extreme" in regulating any kind of cooking.  I am "not allowed" to use the burners or oven (I never use the oven anyway) during the summer at all.  Once he told me he guessed I could, if I got up at 4 AM to do it.  Lately, I have gotten very grudging permission to occasionally use the wok or skillet around dinnertime.  The last time I did, he remarked how "It wasn't hot at all" in the house. 

Washer or dryer?  Not during t…

Quality time

Yesterday we went to work, and came home.  I had a terrible headache all day, and got manic from the excedrin; which resulted in a cooking spree. 

On the positive side, I did cook a lot of the sausage I bought.  I ate a little too much and felt kind of bloated, but it was good, and worth it. 

I was very proud as I sat in my chair, eating a huge bowl of stir fried amaranth greens.  I really want to eat better.  It's awful, and true, Ron's diabetes is a real wake up. 

I had a 4 ounce breakfast link and some pan sausage, in addition to the greens, for dinner.  So good. 

I very sneakily cooked up half Ron's jalapeno sausage, slicing it into little coins.  I put it on a covered plate in the fridge so he can nibble.  Ron, like me, is a nibbler.  He also needs to eat a lot more protien.  If I can present a completely delicious, nibble-friendly, protein, he'll eat it.  He's been nibbling.  It works. 

I cooked up breakfasts for myself, with the pan sausage, ground saus…

Planning the cheat day.

So, today finds me plotting my cheat meal, for my birthday. 

My birthday is in 3 weeks; and I figure it's a good idea to plan in advance.  I plan to do, at most, one cheat day every 2 months. 

Living in the "Big City" I have a lot of choices, including a couple of gluten free bakeries.  I'm thinking I will get a brownie and maybe a cornbread muffin.  I love cornbread.  I seriously love brownies. 

My goal, for the cheat day, is to keep the overall carbs under 100.  Gluten free is just a bonus.  I get hives and stomach pains when eating gluten, so it's clearly something to avoid.   Peanuts make me hivey so I need to avoid them, too.  They can do that. 

It looks to be a fun day. 

I've had so many horrible birthdays, a good one is always a bonus.  The weather likes to wreck my birthdays, too.  Hurricane Ike.  Other hurricanes. 

Although, I guess I could just move up my cheat day to before the hurricane if I wanted.