Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Pc acting up. good day - handed out all the bibles and then some! bought more. hearing things and wierd thots..called doc 4 nu pill -2 cor 12:9-ten/hugs h

Monday, September 28, 2009

This is MY town!



Today as I rode the bus downtown, we crested a small rise and the city spread out before us.




A vision somewhat like the one above. As I viewed the skyscrapers, looked around at my fellow bus passengers, I thought the same thing I always do:


Damn, I love this town.


I first visited Houston when I was about 10 and I loved it; but never gave it any further consideration. I later visited with my husband in 1994 and was hooked.


"Everyone" said that Houston had a lousy economy, but I found far cheaper apartments, nice sounding ones. The jobs were plentiful and paid just as well as the ones in Northern California. I gleaned all this from reading the paper. As we rode around, we'd see "Free Rent" and "We LOVE our residents!" banners outside apartment complexes. Let's just say I never saw THAT


I actually used to take the bus, on Sundays, two towns over to purchase a Houston Chronicle, which I then read cover to cover. Sadly, I'm a hypocrite. I don't even have a subscription! I bought books on everything Houston and longed for the day when my husband would decide he was ready to move.


When I finally gave up on "persuading" (nagging) him, God was able to work it out. We moved just a few months after I turned my dream over to God.

I love this town. I love the bus routes; and the bus drivers who make it all possible. I love my walk home from the bus stop, and the lovely stand of pines that always fragrance my air. I love the fat black cat in my driveway and my bed. I love the caring animal hospital that enabled my beloved Frosty to go out with a smile. I love walking along the Seawall in Galveston, and the kind and friendly people everywhere I go. I love my strip mall doctor, and the world-class medical center just 20 miles away. I love that when I mention "The Farmer's Market" people ask "Which one?" I love that I can go crosstown, to a completely different milleu, in about an hour. I love my disabled bus pass and the freedom it gives me. I love my psychiatrist and my pharmacist, who keep me running steady. I love the greenery. Life is rampant here. I love that a downtown bus, can, at one point, pass a goat ranch before the end of the line. I love the Postal Workers who smile at my blind husband as he fills the vending machines from his wheelchair.
Damn, I love this town.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Depression Action Plan

I considered titling this "Lest I forget" but I thought some might be confused and think it related to the date. Regarding the date, I'll be praying for the families.

I got kicked in the head with a NASTY depression today. Even an extra dose of my beloved lithium didn't cut it. I sat around, beating myself up for every mistake I've ever made, and wallowing in misery.

I finally realized, I need to do NICE THINGS for myself. I am failing myself. I need to have a plan, that I act on, when I realize I'm getting depressed.

Today, things were a bit complicated because I'm a little mixed. I want to shop, spend money, and talk a lot. I have been burning up my keyboard posting on message boards. And I'm depressed. Not fun.

So, even though I knew it was coming (I have been manic for at least a week), it still caught me off guard and I suffered needlessly. Not to mention, Ron had all the fun of watching me struggle.

* Realize I am getting depressed.
* Eat, and take another lithium
* Stay on eating plan - easy to eat "pity carbs"
* Choose at least a few items from the following list, and do them immediately:
Drink a nice cup of brewed tea - I love tea.
Drink a Diet RC if at work, or use coffee machine hot water tank to brew a teabag.
Make a plan of fun things to do on next day off.
Take a walk
Play with cat
Post on message board
Work in garden - hard to do at present due to remaining hives.
Do not allow myself to brood on "failures" or "things I haven't done"
Get active, do something I find fun - need to work on list
Make a Day Out and go shopping, even at Dollar store.
Consider stashing $20-$40 for emergency fund - maybe go to tearoom or something on the cash, if I'm strapped at the moment.
Eat a delicious bunless burger - out of the freezer or go buy one.
Fire up the smoker and cook something - that's always fun for me - don't beat myself up over landscaping.
Knit something fun and brainless, in happy colors
Get myself another drink (tea or soda).
Make some lunches for the week - cut up cheese and veggies for snacks.
Call my aunt.
Blog
Take a nice hot bath (not currently with hives!).
Mental note: Buy myself some nice bubble bath on my next Day Out
Look at Frosty photos and remember my sweet baby.
Consider volunteering at animal adoption center - work with cats.
Read a cute inspirational romance novel: Note to self - get a new debit card, call the number, and sign up for monthly delivery!

Just a few ideas, I'll post more as they come. Who knows, this might help someone else. :)

Saturday, September 5, 2009

It all goes back to bad DNA and my disability

I was out for a bit with a finger injury. I have the dubious track record of two "avulsions" in one month - completely ripping of bits of skin, bleeding like a "mofo" and enduring the healing process. It was very fun trying to keep the steroid cream off the last one.

Anyway, I told Ron, it was just a bad month. I'm healing. I'm going to have some ugly scars. Not happy about that at all!

Part of me thinks I should try to eradicate them, upping my vitamin E intake and buying that "Mederma" cream - but I'd have to wait on the cream until I stop using the steroid stuff. I still need to use that daily, but not the 3x a day I needed.

The other side says, well, just wait and see. My husband is blind and the worst of the scars are on the backs of my upper thighs. I don't think a stranger would ever see them - I dress pretty modestly. I use the old high school rule, a couple of inches above my knees. Any more than that and I will only wear it around the house.

But I look at the mottled skin; I'm sad, I'm ANGRY. At whom? I couldn't tell you. My doctor? He didn't do anything wrong. Forest Pharmaceuticals? Well, they have fishy marketing but I assume they use good manufacturing practices. If they didn't, I saved the bottle. If the FDA wants it they'll get it. The Pharmacist? She's a wonderful lady who exhibited genuine horror at my condition. It's not her fault.

No, it goes back to Bad DNA and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. There's no way to know if I'd be "safe" with Lexapro. I tell people, Monday I was fine, Tuesday I'm allergic. I could have hit my head when I fell at work - I didn't. I could have fallen OFF the dock, I didn't. I didn't know the half of it when I told my companion "It's my medication". It is... which goes back to my condition.

I have a condition. It could kill me if I don't take my meds. It could kill me if I do!

As my husband says, sometimes you just gotta suck it up.

Consolation

Ron needs to realize, not everyone is consoled by his "Don't worry, the end of the world is coming soon" speech.  Agh.