Sadly, they did not take Ron with them.
They took their sweet time coming, but when they did I got 2 police officers. I said "I asked for an ambulance".
Since I said he was drunk they had to evaluate, and isn't that a horrible indictment of alcohol, that it makes people so ugly they, as a matter of course, just send police because it gets that ugly?
They were MOST upset Ron had access to alcohol and accused me of providing it. I had to walk them through how he gets it, a few times, before they believed me but almost BIG trouble for me.
That is a cautionary tale, if Ron does hurt himself I need to know that. And it will make me a little more strict with not providing it (not that I do, but I REALLY won't, now).
So that covered they interviewed him and he was clearly very drunk. Not delusional anymore. That was a nice change for me at least. He did his best to be charming but choked at one point and freaked them out pretty good.
So they determined he was not a threat to the paramedics. The paramedics came in and did an eval, asked if Ron would like to go to the hospital. I had been hoping that would not be optional but apparently it is. They took his blood pressure and vitals, glucose, etc. I felt they did a good little workup considering.
Ron made some comments about me being bipolar and one of them shot a wary glance at me, but I explained I take everything as directed and don't use anything but caffeine. They all liked to hear that. I then told one of the officers how sad it is to see people with bipolar sucked into addiction and I am terrified of that.
Speaking of, Ron reached for his vodka bottle again and they took it away from him and shot me a glance.
So Ron didn't want help, they couldn't give it to him. So they all left, basically, after telling him to "be good". He is not raving about the plumbers causing his leg to hurt like he was earlier. So maybe we are OK.
But he is EXTREMELY pissed at me. I told him, I warned you I would do this. He was taken aback but now he believes me.
I think next time (and there will be) I will just call the police.
Now it is on the record, and all the mandatory reporters were in my home but it looked OK except for being gutted. Baby Girl is still half shaved and did freak one of them out.
I know I really have to keep my hands clean on the alcohol as well, that is good to know because he is killing himself and that can bounce back on me.
So there it was. Now we are on the record. I made sure to tell them all that he drinks a fifth a day. Ron's response to that was they would, too, if they were married to me.
24 comments:
what an a hole. I'd tell him he doesn't have to be married and give him the number to a lawyer. Let HIM file, it would clear your conscience before God and probably be the best thing that's happened to you in years.
Oh man. Sorry it did not go as planned. Terrible that Ron made negative comments about you. Maybe it’s best to start making moves to split before something bad really happens? I am sad for you.
Apparently one thing driving him today was the fact he had to borrow money from my Dad. That is not my fault and he should be damned glad or we would be homeless.
It is sobering to realize that you will be blamed a n.v d scrutinized for anything that happens to ron that is alcohol related. You can't blame them though since he is blind and wheelchair bound he really doesn't have access and all you have to do is call the cab company and tell them no more of their drivers bringing him alcohol. AA is wrong in this case. I hope you do this before you wind up in jail. And you could have had him committed for 48 hours to a hospital for an evaluation.
If I was given the option I would have taken it. He needs to be evaluated at least, checked for wet brain and such.
Ron got the cab driver's cell number and calls him direct on the cell, opens the garage door so he can put it up, and then pays him. I really have nothing to do with it.
Lately he has been wanting more "help". Moving the box closer to the door so he wouldn't fall out of his wheelchair, I am OK with that. Bringing him bottles, no.
But when he kills himself at this it will be me they try to blame. At least getting all this on the record keeps my hands clean in all of this.
No it doesn't keep your hands clean. And you can go out when the cab driver comes . Explain the situation and inform him he will be held accountable legally if anything happens to ron because he brought alcohol. Let the driver know you will be reporting him and this to the xab company also. They won't bring it anymore. Don't move the alcohol closer to the door for him. If he falls out of the wheelchair let him stay on the floor and call 911. You are still going to have problems if anything happens to him. Next time insist they take him for an evaluation to the hospital.
How did the plumbing go today?
Damn, I'm sorry. I wish they would have taken him.
When Ron gets the vodka delivery, take and dump it down the drain, seriously.
Have you told your aunt what is going on?
Sorry you have to go through all this, especially now. You did the right thing. Once you get things under control with the house, please please please get some sort of plan in place for your future.
I am so glad you called this in. It didn't go as you hoped, but now you know a few things:
1. Even sloppy drunk, Ron will blame you for his actions and try to diminish you by telling others that you are bipolar.
2. People will think you provide the alcohol.
3. You need to get his behavior on the record more thoroughly.
Ron is not going to change. You need to protect yourself. I recommend you contact the most powerful mental health advocacy organization in your area and ask for help for yourself. Ask about case management, financial and legal advocacy, support groups, employment assistance, and any other services you may need. For you, not Ron. If they can't help you directly, they will know who can.
You deserve better than this. I hope this doesn't sound condescending--I am really proud of you for calling for help. I know it sucks and is scary, but it needs to be documented and dealt with.
You were more productive and seemed happier when Ron stayed in his room and you went to work and ran errands on your own. You have been chained to Ron 24/7 for way too long. He drags you down.
Stay married or not, I don't care. But get some resources for yourself lined up. You really deserve a better life.
I am definitely making a video next time.
Plumbers are still working, they had to take a little break during Ron's, ah, evaluation.
Ron is being ugly toward me now but not them so there's that. The lead plumber feels terrible for me on this. That does help. He came over and patted my shoulder during a bad moment.
So Ron can turn it on and off at will. Shows how much respect he has for you and he tries to throw you under the bus in front of the police.
If you tell your aunt, or your parents you might now have to get tough with Ron, they'll do it for you. You are being abused. Usually those who are being abused don't see it.
All of this ^^^
At least you now have witnesses in the plumbers. They see what's going on after the cops and EMT's left.
I told my aunt and my parents. I also plan to start videos of all this so I have proof if he brightens up when first responders show up.
Very classy he tried to throw me under the bus but I half expected it. I did get some pain medicine into him so he isn't screaming in pain anymore.
The pain is not the reason he does this. He has kratom, opiods, and cbd. All he has admitted get rid of his pain. He is a liar and a drunk.
CBD didn't work for him, but the Kratom and pills do.
He still sees alcohol as an ally and that is his biggest problem. He sees it as his best friend when it is the worst enemy imaginable. Like leaving a rapist brother alone with your wife and kids... only sorrow and pain. There is little I can do for him until he fixes that.
I would fight with him, if he chose to fight... instead he has lit the ship on fire and screaming into the night as it burns around him.
In his defense he did have some bad pain today which fed his behavior but that was 95% alcohol.
You have no idea how bad his pain actually is. Depending on the verbal reporting of a manipulative, abusive alcoholic is not reliable.
There is no defense for his behavior today. He peed on the floor, blamed you and your bipolar for his terrible behavior, complained about you to the plumbers and kept right on drinking and embarrassing you. Because pain? Oh no. Because ASSHOLE.
Protect yourself. I just wrote it on another post, but it is worth repeating. Call the number you used in the past and get help. Do it before Ron calls around claiming you are abusing him. Get help for yourself.
Oh Heather this would scare me to death, even knowing that I did nothing wrong. It would scare me so badly that I would take drastic measures-though I really don’t know without further thought what more you could do that you’re not already doing-to make HIM have to jump through numerous hoops and high hurdles to get his alcohol. All anyone, like the police, can see is that Ron is in a wheelchair, in their minds you MUST be “enabling” him, how else could he acquire it? (in their minds, I mean). To people who who’ve never dealt with a situation such as yours, just seeing a man in a wheelchair automatically means that he must be completely helpless and dependent upon you, and couldn’t do things like acquire alcohol without your help-they don’t understand. Maybe go behind his back and cancel his alcohol orders, maybe tell his favored liquor stores that they will be held accountable (not true, but maybe at least they might think that he’s not worth the potential bother) if anything happens to him after they supply him with alcohol-I know that’s a dirty trick to do to them, as they’re not to blame for someone abusing alcohol (I say this as non-drinker other than a glass of champagne at New Years and sometimes my birthday), but right now I don’t see too many options for you to stop him from getting it, and just the way the police reacted would scare me into doing whatever I could to cover my azz from being held accountable for this grown man’s alcohol abuse. It’s not fair, but fairness won’t come into it if someone, such as these police, out of ignorance of just what a stubborn man in a wheelchair is capable of doing, try to blame you.
And I seem to recall that you posted once that he actually came right out and said that if it was a matter of you or the alcohol, the alcohol would win. I full well believe that that would also apply to the cats. Call that bluff-do as the commenter above said and pour his vodka out, and then see what he does-if he chooses his vodka over the ONLY person on this entire earth who will put up with his bullsh*t to care for him, and that person having health issues of her own-if he chooses the alcohol, tell him in that case, let the alcohol be his caretaker. As for using it to medicate his pain, I call bullsh*t on that also-his drs are already willing to give him pain medication, so he doesn’t have that excuse, that he has no alternative, and no dr prescribes alcohol-especially to the point of falling down drunk-for pain.
What’s the worst he can do if you pour it out? Unleash a torrent of verbal abuse on you? He does that anyway. Order it again? Tell the liquor store what’s going on, and hopefully throw a scare into them (though it’s not their fault, you gotta do what you gotta do). Take it out of your pay? Make it up to yourself, you can do that, and it would be entirely ethical-he OWES you the agreed-upon pay for the work you do (whatever he pays you, it isn’t enough anyway).
At least all of these actions would leave a trail of evidence that you did everything humanly possible to keep him from getting the alcohol. Even ignorant people in positions of authority (I use the word “ignorant” non-pejoratively) would be able to see that at the least, you played no part in enabling him.
I didn't think you wanted the other comment public. Yes, my life is a mess; I have no idea what the future holds, but now legitimately scared I will be held liable when Ron does kill himself which is f*cked up.
Thanks Heather, yes, I prefer to mention my own issues only to you :)
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