Not quite the restful night I'd envisioned

 I bought some eggnog yesterday and drank it last night and tonight.  I went to bed early...some gas.  Some cramping.  I took a chewable gas medication.  I got up.  Ron was thrilled, we had a nice little cuddle and talked a little.  

Then the cramps hit.  And the craps.  And I literally just cleaned the toilet tonight.  It still looks OK but really?  

Ron teased me he said I am a real black person now if I can't do dairy.  Ron went back to sleep which is great but I'm debating going back to bed.  Ugh, I wanted to go to bed early and really sleep tomorrow.  If I fall asleep in a few minutes I will get a whopping 6 hours before pill time.  

But Ron is doing great on our little regime so I am not inclined to complain.  Pill at 5, morning and night.  Every day.  On the dot.  If he thinks I am running late he will ask, which is great.  

Wednesday

 I got up at 2:50 this morning.  I got myself ready, then I got Ron ready.  I gave Ron his medication and went to work.  

I waited hours and finally called the office when they opened at 8.  Where is my delivery?  She got back to me a half hour later and said I wasn't in the system.  

[curses]  Well forget that, then.  I did a few minor things at work.  

They had an accident at work a very large lady was so heavy she flipped the table over on herself.  Ron had his wheelchair chained to one of the tables.  Not the one she used.  

Why did he do that?  Well it would walk off if he didn't chain it.  The seating is very tight at work, the table and chairs are all one unit and very hard to sit if you have a large belly.  So the very large people figured out they could unfold Ron's wheelchair and sit in it.  I remonstrated with them, in vain, explaining the wheelchair has a limit of 200 pounds, but they didn't care if they broke the chair they were comfy.  So we had to rearrange the chain and lock so they could no longer unfold the wheelchair.  

The maintenance supervisor explained they were taking the table and I decided to take the chair home, I have been wanting to do it anyway and Jack has a good trunk.  So I pushed that out when I left and took it home.  It is in the front room right now.  

Ron's way never made sense to me, take small wheelchair to work, get into armless wheelchair (easier to stock from that one), then get back in small wheelchair when he left.  Why not just take the armless chair to work and avoid all those messy transfers?  Because Monday he really looked like he was going to fall, a few times, getting in and out of that thing.  

We went through a drive through on the way home and it was delicious.  One thing you can say about McDonald's they have a very consistent product.  I had been home for hours when my phone rang, the driver saying he had my delivery.  

[curses]

I told him they had told me he WASN'T coming and I had already GONE HOME.  He wasn't very happy.  But I just did what they told me.  Then I took a nap, had a good one but woke up with a headache.  

Then Ron wanted me to wash his feet, very Biblical but they look a lot better.  Normally he does not let me touch his feet but I icked out over touching them the other day because he had some dead skin.  I soaked the washcloths in the bed bath solution and left them draped over his feet for a few minutes, scrubbed as long as he'd let me (not long) and then dried them off.  They look better, not great.  

The police set up the speed trap again outside my house.   I am one block from a stop sign and a lot of people don't stop for it.  I think today is the third day they have done this.  I am fine with that there is nothing that says home security like a police car sitting outside the house.  

I am drinking a lot of soda today but will go back on plan tomorrow.  My aunt is coming by Friday.  I need to figure out what I'm doing.  

I think I will run by Walmart, go to the eyeglass place and have my frames tightened, and then run by Arby's as Ron has been requesting it lately.  And also give her all the stuff I have for her.  

In the past Ron has complained bitterly about me using the oven.  He is hyper sensitive to smells and would carry on like you wouldn't believe.  I cleaned the oven out the other day as best I could and am doing a test run of heating up the empty oven to 1.  Make sure it still works, it HAS been a while and 2.  See if it bothers Ron.  So far I don't smell anything so my cleanser must have done a good job.  I think the secret is pulling the top of the stove up and cleaning in between the stove top and the oven.  You can get (I can at least) stuff in there that heats up and reeks when you run the oven.  I did that yesterday.  If today goes well (looking good) I will make some cornbread tomorrow.  

I am glad my cast iron skillet is already seasoned boy that is one thing he carried on about.  He hated that.  But it is seasoned and has a nice shine to it so I am fine now.  

I took my pills very early today, all of them, so I can eat whatever I want for dinner without worrying about is it enough for my pills.  I will probably do oatmeal.  

I can't tell if the oven is working yet, I turned it up.  Nope, not working.  

Do I want to invest a lot of time and trouble trying to get it going?  No.  Am I taking it as a sign not to do any baking because the house would "smell" and Ron would be affected?  Yes.  When was the last time I used the oven?  Years.  I do everything in the microwave, stove top, and crock pot.  I even have a toaster oven.  I stacked all my canned veggies on it 😂 but I could use it if I wanted.  I use it for those canned biscuits sometimes.  

I told Ron, he thought I was asking him to fix it.  It took some conversation for him to realize that was not what I was asking.  The cornbread mix can go to my aunt who can either serve it or donate it to a food bank.  It's a lot easier for her to do things like that.  I am "fine".  

I had a very bad experience with appliance repair men several years ago.  The fridge was leaking so we called a guy out.  He said, "Oh, this thing came out at the back" screwed it in and left, it still leaked.  We didn't want to use him again so Ron found someone else.  That guy took the freezer apart, something was broken between the water line and the ice maker.  He said he couldn't fix it and left.  That cost us over $300, and it was still broken!  Boy, Pete was pissed when he came out and found out we didn't have any ice.  It isn't a big deal for us but might be for other people.  

Anyway, the part of the stove I do use, the top part, works, so I am happy.  If it is mostly functional I am happy and I am dead serious it has been years since I used the oven, in part due to Ron's bitter complaints every time I did.  So I am just taking it as a sign.  

Right now Ron and I are both happy with the cooking arrangements.  

My fire ant bait came so I treated the mounds.  There was a huge mound outside the front room and another outside Ron's room.  I got both of them and only got bit twice for my trouble.  I use Amdro, I used it last year and it did the job so I got it again.  I don't need to spread it all over the yard, just the mounds.  I keep typing that as "mounts".  Once they are gone I will do the perimeter.  But I don't need a huge sack, the spreader and all that.  

I don't like to use poison in my yard but the ants got into a bowl of cat food and the cats wouldn't touch it.  "Spicy".  So I had to get it for the cats if not for me.  They actually hadn't gone after me just yet.  But they would have.  

I use boric acid for roaches, not that I see them, I just put the bait out.  But they are a part of life in Texas, along with fire ants.  I have a big bottle of "ROACH AWAY" which is a little embarrassing but it does the job.  

I had a terrible time after Harvey, you may remember my home was invaded by fire ants biting both of us constantly.  It was horrible.  Next year, if we don't get raptured, I am going to get some fire ant spray and use that in the house (something safe for cats) before hurricane season and during the season.  Hopefully that will keep them OUT of the house if we have another "event".  

It is a nice day so I opened a few windows and have a little fan in one blowing fresh air at me,  very nice.  I have good music playing.  

I am happy to pay the $11 (with tax) Youtube music subscription every month.  I have a pretty good mix going right now. 

Ron gets his pills in 20 minutes. I will have to see what he wants with it.  He still has some breakfast sandwich left but I told him I got him a couple panino packages.  He really likes those and they are super healthy - not exactly low sodium but his last medical blood pressure reading was 108/70 so he can have a little salt.  

I am drinking hibiscus tea every day, mainly because I like it and a bonus that it can lower blood pressure.  Excellent.  I was not happy with my 130/90 the last time I went to the doc.  Now, I was in pain so that affects things but I want it back down in the 110/70 range.  

I also need to start working out again, I did gain some (about 10-15 pounds) weight this year and I want to fit in my clothes again.  I wore a different pair of pants today and they were a little tighter than I would like.  

One good thing I did manage to get a lot of knitting done today, that was very nice.  I need to just make time to sit and do that every day.  Although I have doubts if I will have any seating at all the next time I go back to work! 

I put Ron's wheelchair in the garage that is 2 chairs in the garage now.  I will pop him in that when we go to work.  The other chair is fine for everything else.  

Here's my latest playlist.  2020 mix

I don't have anything planned for tomorrow.  That will be nice.  Ron gave me the day off; I'll take it.  

Blogger is having trouble updating let's see if I can post.  That's it for now.  

So I took him to work

 I am not sleeping great at night Ron's pain has been keeping me up, so Monday morning I went back to bed "for a half hour" after I gave him his medication.  Ron woke me up over an hour later.  ACK!  

That was the fastest bed bath you ever saw in your life.  I got us ready just in time, and off to work.  He did well stocking and we went to the bank after, I got paid, he made a deposit.  

We had some long waits on paratransit but they got us home eventually.  I went to bed early...but Ron had overdone it at work, I think, and was up all night moaning, wouldn't take the Advil.  I really got upset when he asked me for a wine box at 2-3 in the morning.  

I shouted at him to drink his vodka and went back to sleep.  About an hour later he asked for the Advil.  Back to sleep for an hour and then had to get up and give him his seizure pill.  

Ron can't take it on his own, he would get mixed up.  So his doctor ordered me to be pill girl.  He didn't use that term.  😂  So I did that and BACK to bed even though my original plan had been, last night, to get up at 5 and get it all done before I went to Walmart very early.  

I did get up around 8 and I ended up leaving around 9:30.  I went to Walmart, did my deposit, shopped, and got everything on my list.  I forgot about the washer cleaner I remember looking at the laundry aisle and thinking I didn't need anything.  But the repairman said I could use a half cup of vinegar in a pinch.  He said that several times, in fact.  

I came home and Ron was just waking up (Good he got some sleep as sleep deprivation can cause seizures) 👀.  I got him a panino he really likes those little things.  They are not cheap but he loves the Italian salami wrapped around a piece of cheese.  And who am I to complain?  They do have a great amount of protein considering.  

I got myself some eggnog and will have that for dinner.  I got some of the bake mix for cornbread, a 5 pound bag, you add egg, milk, a little bit of fat and you have cornbread.  A five pound bag was only a few dollars.  I also got more milk and an 18 pack of eggs.  I tend to be leery of eggs since my food poisoning in 2004 but I do like them when I eat out.  My iron skillet has a good seasoning to it and I only scrub it with the plain metal scrubber, no soap ever.  Ron was happy to hear homemade cornbread and milk.  Yum.  

I'm not up for cooking today, I have to go to bed early but it will be nice to have.  The eggs and milk have a nice long sell by date.  I had to check but I do have my mixing bowls for baking.  Red of course.  

I have evolved a red and white theme for my kitchen but the cabinets are still the same particleboard.  They are fine, I've got no gripes.  But if someone came in and said they would give me $5K to redo the kitchen I would get new cabinets.  My aunt was horrified at a red theme, but pretty much anything that can be red, is.  My stockpot, the can opener, the mixing bowls, etc.  Cabinets are still medium brown, counter is also medium brown, and the walls are off white.  The fridge is white, and the microwave.  The dishwasher and stove are black.  So a little mismatched right now but certainly functional.   Ideally I would have it orange, red, and black; or red, white, and black.  

So anyway I am set up to do some cooking this weekend.  I think I'm going to sweep the house today and mop if I get ambitious.  Ron is asleep.  

I did have a problem with Cleo.  She was hanging out by the food bowls and growling at the other cats, who responded by hissing at her and Torbie smacked her at least once in my presence.  I realized Cleo is a little food aggressive, which is odd as she is huge, and moved the food bowls around so they are all over the front room (3 bowls).  She can't guard all of them.  I will do some research on food aggression in cats (at each other, never me) and see what else I can do.  

They are all damaged goods so it doesn't surprise me she's a little glitchy.  That's fine she's a good girl.  I love her.  

I mean, my right thigh is riddled with puncture marks from Biscuit jumping up in my lap.  He digs in his front claws and then pulls himself up.  If I don't object to that...😂.  And speak of my little angel here is Cleo.  Not so little.  I wonder how many people are feeding her.  

Funny note on my Dr Pepper order: Ron and I were at the bank and he told me I had better put in the order.  I took my phone out and it rang, it was our sales rep.  That was very funny timing and I told her so.  Oh, and it is a can shortage driving all my difficulty.  

Well, I'm doing my part, I recycle everything I can.  

That's it for now.  

Edit: did sweep and mop, did 2 loads of laundry as well.  So much for my day off! 

Saturday and Sunday

  Yesterday was pretty quiet.  I did some housework and my God Time.  

Ron had said someone might be coming by.  He didn't.  Ron worked on the rotisserie chicken all day and I had grilled cheese for dinner.  

When I called my parents Dad had a trip and fall accident, gashed his leg pretty bad (didn't bleed much though, he said), didn't break anything, went to urgent care and got about 20 stitches.  He said the wound is looking good.  That's good because he's almost 80.  That could have had a very bad ending.  

Dad and Mom are still mobile and get around just fine for their age.  They are both in much better shape than Ron.  Dad had the physician's assistant who worked on him take a photo of the wound after she sewed it up.  Happily he did not send me that image, but one of the bandaged leg.  

So other than that they are fine, doing a little road trip next week.  I did encourage Dad to eat a lot of protein to help him heal up.  He liked that prescription! 

She had just made a meatloaf and he was very excited about it.  Bible says I have to be respectful of my parents so I will just say I never got excited about the meatloaf.  I still don't eat it.  If I have ground beef (between us) I am going to make a hamburger patty, some hamburger helper, etc.  

Oh, and Ron hates the toilet bowl cleaner with bleach.  Direct quote "Why do you have to clean the toilet?"  I had to explain I would get in trouble if I didn't.  I mean, I'm cleaning it anyway but that's a reason he could accept.  I did agree to get rid of the "with bleach" cleaner.  He didn't mind the Ecos cleaner so I will just use that.  

I am getting ready to take a nap and then I will clean the floors later.  I made the trips for tomorrow Ron can check them if he wants.  

I took my nap, I paid my credit card (a little over minimum payment).  I have a decent credit score according to the website.  I needed a pair of knitting needles if I am going to work on my scarf project.  It will be garter stitch in this: 

It should keep me busy for a while.  I did it with a smaller needle I had and didn't like it, so I needed the 10.5 needles.  I got them and had a little cash left.  I pulled out what I had done and wound it around the ball.  

I am a "tight" needleworker so I need a bigger size needle if I want a soft and pliable fabric, and I did not have that!  And the $10 I spent will give me many happy hours.  

That, unfortunately, was a casualty of my clean out I did get rid of a lot of knitting stuff.  So I am out $10.  I am still glad I did it.  

And I paid the credit card so no worries for another month.  I can always pay more later on if things work out.  

Ron got his BBQ plate and ate about half the meat, in addition to the roast chicken he had this morning, so protein goal = score.  I am really happy about that.  I think many of the health problems seniors experience can be related to low protein.  And I don't have to worry about meals for him for a few more days.  

I like ready-to-go meals for him lots of meat and some healthy sides.  It is hard enough feeding him I would rather have the food already to go and minimal cleanup.  

So YES I will absolutely accept a ready made meal for him.  I am getting more gracious about accepting help.  And I have good things for me like yogurt and carrot juice.  

I made a mistake last week doing up my pills, I didn't do the allergy pill.  So now my allergies are raging.  They were bad enough today, even restarting the Zyrtec, that I used the steroid nasal spray.  I am not crazy about using it during a pandemic as it reduces immunity but I can't go around hacking all day at work and the bank tomorrow.  

Speaking of pills I need to go take mine so I may stop by later.  

Thursday and Friday

 Yesterday was a longer day, I had to run to the bank, to the warehouse, go to work and stock.  

I had to listen to a delusional and poorly educated left-winger raving about politics.  His companions kept pointing me out to him and he said I "didn't matter".  He is lucky I did not make a video the way he was talking about white people he would have been disciplined.  In addition to "not mattering" I was 'business" and "business is out to get you".  

Funny.  I thought it was my job to get you a nice fresh honeybun and a can of Coke on your break.  Boy they would scream if we left the building.  I did have a couple of people shouting at me but I explained as simply as possible: 

1.  It is a $50 round trip every time I go to work.  

2.  I made $300 last week.  After paying for my rides I had very limited funds for inventory so I am ONLY buying the MOST popular selections.  

Sorry, you will have to live without your Baked Cheetos.  So I did what I could, took out what money we did make (less than $300 this time) and noted the "asset number" of the broken soda machine for Dr Pepper.  

They (Dr Pepper) have been abysmal about getting me the inventory I need but they have been good about repairing machines for free (part of our contract).  So we will hopefully see the guy Monday.  

Ron has asked, and I am taking him into work.  He can stock the bottled vendor and run change.  I came home but I was pretty beat.  

It is hard adjusting my sleep schedule to the medication routine.  I went to bed early after I fed Ron.  

I woke up at 3.  I stayed busy, got a Walmart delivery, but some things were missing.  I gave Ron his pills on time (I am diligent about that).  I took my pills, also diligent about that.  

It was a pretty quiet day until I got the text from my cell phone provider reminding me they would be doing the auto pay tomorrow.  And for the first time since I GOT a cell phone I didn't have enough money in the account.  

Crap.  So I had to go to Walmart, I was able to pick up the stuff we missed on the order or plain forgot to order.  It was busier than I liked but I was able to do my banking.  

I got a roast chicken for Ron - he had said he would eat it and he is.  I love the roast chicken, I got the 2 pound bird and that is a lot of meat.  Ron can eat for days, I can finally stop worrying about him getting enough protein, etc.  

He also asked me to get some hamburger helper beef stroganoff.  Actually, I had to speak head injury.  He asked for "The dish, you know the one the lady in Canada put the recipe in the book and I called her to thank her".  I immediately knew it was stroganoff.  So I got a box and some hamburger, a frozen chub.  I like the frozen better, better food safety for the ride home AND I can cook it when I want with no deadline.  Ron is going to be busy with that chicken for a few days.  

I also got some fancy decaf teas, with my gift card.  That will keep me occupied for a while.  I came home.  

Ron was very sweet and cuddly today.  It was very endearing.  He just thinks I am the best wife ever.  

I called in the repair request for Monday so we can go early.  That weirdo at work is on the afternoon shift so I can avoid him.  I need to keep Ron away from him, too, as Ron is liable to tell him off.  

I don't care if someone is a liberal.  I do care when someone says I am a POS for being a conservative, that I am out to use, abuse, and exploit people of other races.  Nothing could be farther from the truth as I caretake a black man!  Well, that's what it says on the birth certificate "Negro" although I don't see race when I look at Ron.  But is offensive at best.  

If I talked about black people, and liberals, the way this guy was going on I would be thrown out of, and banned, from the building.  But there is a double standard.  

I will only say I am not mailing my ballot.  Although I did mail the insurance renewal (flood insurance, at the bargain price of only $1648).  

I really try to keep clear of politics.  Although I do have one family member involved in politics.  

So I am good for food for a little bit, more if I have to hunker down.  Everything I am hearing says the virus, the election, is going to cause problems for everyone the next month or two so I want to stay home as much as I can, while still getting stocked up.  I could use more cat litter which I will get when I can, I have enough for a couple weeks though.  

Ron felt bad I had to ask him for money to pay the cell phone and was very glad I used "his" money to buy the groceries.  Normally I use mine.  

It should be a pretty quiet weekend.  Ron is doing well on the seizure drugs and blood pressure medication so I feel good about taking him out Monday.  Ideally I would keep him home but we cannot afford the rides to work.  

The only person who might have given me a ride (one way) to work got very pissy when I refused to make change for a $100 bill he had.  1.  I don't know if it's real.  2.  I can't get rid of it easily.  3.  I need small bills for my own transactions.  3.  You were at the bank getting the $100 you could have gotten some smaller bills instead.  4.  He never buys anything.  

He got very nasty about it but "God doesn't get change for a $50 (or anything larger)" direct quote from Ron.  Anyway that ride is out.  

But he's not a customer and it is not even in our contract to provide change.  I will do $20's all day long I like getting them but not larger bills and Ron, THE BOSS agrees.  

But there is work for Ron to do Monday, but not too much, and I think the other vendor needs to get "a look" (so to speak) at him and see he is still OK.  

That was it for today.  Thanks again for the tea!  

I used the gift card

Thank you very much!

I think I am having a hard time coming off the soda.

 I didn't sleep well last night, I had a hard time falling asleep and then Ron can be thoughtless and wake me up, told the time, is very "sorry" but still woke me up.  And I don't want him checking the talking clock either.  

I think I am going to encourage him to check the time on his cell phone before waking me up, UNLESS it is an emergency (fell, need toilet).  But he has been really good with the toilet (commode chair) lately so I'm not needed for much.  

I am very careful not to shame him about toilet issues.  If he had any, that is.  But the last thing someone needs is shouting or shaming when they already feel bad.  

As a child I wet the bed twice.  Both times I was forced to share my twin bed and it was my way of objecting.  I do feel bad about that, it was petty.  But, as I saw it, it was MY bed and I should get to keep it.  But, when I did, my caregivers were very nice and understanding about it.  "It's not your fault" etc.  No blaming or discipline, which is probably one reason I was so "good" about it. 

I do remind myself I wasn't saved back then.  I will say it worked great, after those two incidents no one shared my bed again, I slept on the floor if someone needed it. No one figured it out, either, at least not that they told me.  

I don't think Ron's family was as understanding, based on the way he acts if he did have a problem.  Anyway we got that settled.  Up at 5 AM for pills.  He was awake so I just had to warm some beans, shovel them in, and the pills.  The cheese did not work at all for him yesterday it got stuck in his throat so not doing that with pills anymore.  

It was Cabot Extra Sharp White Cheddar cheese, and let me tell you I will have NO problem eating the entire two pound block by myself.  It is so good.  They actually found a review I did many years ago, back when I did comments, and thanked me.  The one Walmart only has an 8 ounce block but the other Walmart, the one I use for prescriptions, has a 2 pound block for sale.  And it is delicious.  

For a while during my Very Bad Times I had problems with knives, they were just a little too easy when I was suicidal and I had a hard time taking my mind of the big sharp things in the kitchen, so I got rid of them.  I brought back a steak knife some time ago and that has been fine.  This year I also got a big chef knife.  It really does a good job whacking up the cheese into tidbits.  I am very careful using it because I could take a finger off with that thing, but it came with a little scabbard I use.  

I would say knives were probably my biggest danger.  I had persistent thoughts of stabbing myself in the chest/abdomen.  My mother "cut her wrists" several times and only died at her time so clearly that is not an efficient method of suicide (and yes I know the "good" way to slice a wrist if it had come to that).  Pills I was well aware I could just mess up internal organs and still live, but now on dialysis or whatever.  Not interested.  Jumping was another one I thought about.  There is a high overpass near my home and at least one woman did use it to kill herself.  If the fall doesn't get you the oncoming traffic will do it.  Two problems: I saw a ER reality show where a guy jumped 80 feet and lived, but now he would spend his life in agony in a wheelchair and 2.  I am terrified of heights no way I could get up there. And of course I knew to my core I would NOT die until my time but God WOULD allow consequences from any suicide attempt.  So I focused on making it through the next 5 minutes, hour, etc.until the medication kicked in enough to help.  

I haven't had any soda today (did have a caffeine tablet) and have a horrible persistent headache.  I may have a Coke in a little bit to see if that helps, I need to eat and take my evening pills (morning ones went down OK). 

I also need to figure out tomorrow.  My plan is to go to the bank, convert the $1 into twenties, to the warehouse, buy supplies, and then to work and stock/rob machines.  But who do I take for that?  Obviously Jack to go to work.  But for the rest?  I'm not sure.  

I already counted the money, it was pitiful.  It's a good thing I am cutting back on the soda.  And Ron doesn't need to worry about paying me for another week. I will have to be very thrifty.  I can do that. 

I took out the trash, they got the recycle already, and waiting on standard trash pickup.  I didn't have a lot in my can but I have a policy to take it out anyway because you never know what is going to happen next week.  

I did enjoy my VERY fancy devotional from Mom and Dad.  I have talked about how I have found these poor "orphan" devotionals with inscriptions.  "Morning and Evening" was a paper back and had a particularly touching message from 'Grandma".  I read it until it fell apart, and, lo and behold, Thomas Nelson had a very fancy version with the fake leather cover, gold embossed, gold trim on the pages, fancy script, Grandma would have been proud.  It even has a ribbon marker.  I haven't found the "Kurt" one yet, that is "The Daily Book of Bible readings" or something similar.  Kurt is falling apart, and my "NIV Daily Bible" which I bought with money Grandma (the good one) sent me for Christmas one year.  That actually has most of December 31st falling out.  I need to upgrade but that can wait.  After all it is only September.  The Daily Chronological and my "basic" NKJV Giant Print are in great shape though, but the Chronological has some wear on the dust jacket. 

One time I picked up my Bible and it had dust on it.  That was really sad and embarrassing.  So I strive - don't always do it - to read everything every day get as much Bible/devotional (but mostly Bible) into my brain as I can, and then pray for literally everyone including you.  

I chatted a little with my nephew - actually Ron's nephew.  His family wasn't very supportive after his wife died and that is really sad.  So I basically said "Yeah, they suck" and "I will be praying for you" which is really about all I could say.  

Ron's sister has sown a lot of bitterness, rejection, discord and I would hate to be around when she reaps the harvest.  I am also VERY glad she is out of our lives.  I haven't heard anything about the brother but he's the one who kidnapped me (he is lucky I didn't file charges).  

However, he had told Ron something which Ron then told me, because Ron and I don't have secrets.  I used that to blackmail "Buddy" into returning me to the hospital.  But I will never ride with him again.  

That is the sad thing for me, I really thought all 3 of us were pulling together for Ron's benefit.  Boy was I disappointed.  So I am glad they are out of the picture, if you're not here to help get out of my way.  I am the one who knows the medical history, gives him his medication, cleans up after him, helps him on the toilet,etc.and overall Ron is so sweet and wonderful about accepting the help.  They are the ones missing out, not Ron.  

Dad used to talk about "the magic word".  When I would ask him for something he would say "What's the magic word?" and I would say "Please".  Ron gets that, says please and thank you, means it.  Let me tell you, that makes a difference.  

When Ron went to the ER by himself back in April I called a few times, and during one call I said "I hope he isn't being difficult" and they responded, "No, he is the sweetest!  We love having him here!" and you could tell she meant it.  I hope I can be that sort of patient.  

However, when I had my epic kidney infection back in 1993, was in the hospital for a week, queasy out of my mind and nothing touched it.  Sleep deprived and very ill with a raging fever, I was so horrible to the nurses they sent the charge nurse in to give me the talk about, basically, not being a bitch.  I am ashamed to say that.  Hopefully I am MUCH better now.  

I really don't want to be that person anymore.  

Well, I had a little Coke and feel about the same so that was not it. I think it was just the hurricane.  

4 years ago Ron's back was acting up so badly it put him in the ER, on our anniversary.  At least no one is in the hospital today.  

Headache for my anniversary

But I don't feel bad, 4 years ago we spent our anniversary in the ER for his back.

I've got this guy in my lap so still a good time.

Monday and some of Tuesday

 It looks like I didn't do a post for yesterday, sorry about that.  I have had bad headaches the last couple days, including today.  

Yesterday was pretty uneventful except for a couple of things: I got the sheets, which were MUCH nicer than expected (6 for $40 I didn't have high hopes).  Here is a link:  https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07PGVXDWR/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Anyway they have tons of elastic, deep pockets, very soft and luxurious feeling, almost dry when I took out of washer and fast dry (important sometimes), so far very impressed.  

And I got my astragalus (herbal roots for immunity).  I made a tincture with some and made a decoction (boil herb in water for half an hour) with the licorice root as well.  I plan to drink a little of the tea every day for the next few days as I AM coming off a course of antibiotics.  

The doctor called and said I do not have a bladder infection.  I believe I have interstitial cystitis.   Bladder pain and irritation with no infection.  But the good news I can eliminate it by avoiding acidic food/drink, cutting out the soda, cutting out aspartame, etc.  It won't be a fun process but I think I will really benefit.  And I am tired of bladder troubles.  

So I will try that.  Diet soda is not worth losing my sex life over.  It's just not.  I am disabled enough already I don't need more problems, especially one I can likely fix.  

I got another nice card in the mail, and some gift cards which are very appreciated.  

I went to bed early.  

I woke up and had another headache.  It's my birthday.  Not quite how I planned to spend it.  I took something.  

I had given Ron the "panino" snack it is fancy italian salami wrapped around mozzarella cheese.  He loved it when I gave it to him with his pills this morning.  I will have to get more.  

I was up anyway so not a problem when he asked for a bigger meal at 6:30 in the morning.  I gave him the choices and he wanted the enchiladas.  These were made by the "Bueno" food company and Ron was a huge fan.  He gobbled them up (I cut them and then he ate them with his fingers).  

I had a pretty uneventful morning, my aunt sent me a nice text message, I did my God Time, etc.  I took a nap around 11:30.  Cleo got into bed with me, walked around on me, purring, wanted lots of petting, etc.  She feels very safe when I am laying down.  She won't get in my lap if I am sitting anywhere but she will walk around on my chest if I'm in bed.  Paws... pressing on all my vital organs, and she is a heavy girl!  But I didn't mind.  Eventually she lay down at the foot of the bed and I fell asleep.  Headache came back (curses!).  I took something for it.  

It is gone now.  I ordered some food delivered.  We both ate.  

Ron had a rough morning for pain but is OK with Voltaren and Lidocaine cream.  He is OK right now.   

I am going to check the mail in a little bit. 

Ron got himself on the toilet chair and I changed the sheets.  I like to do that every day or two.  I am just glad he is independent in the toilet so I feel OK about leaving him when I go to work.  But he always appreciates a hand if I am home and we have discussions on the turd, size, consistency, etc.  {laugh}  Stuff you never think about when you fall in love but no one else I'd rather help.  

And I got to put the new sheet on his bed and he says it is nice.  

I do spray down the rubber sheet with cleaner every time I change the fitted sheet, it just seems prudent.  I use the unscented stuff so it doesn't bother Ron.  I haven't exactly found a manual on this sort of thing.  

A family member who raised children told me about the layer the rubber sheet, fitted sheet, trick on the bed so I can just pull of the bad part for cleaning later.  

I cut up 3 pounds of sharp/extra sharp cheddar yesterday, froze half.  Cut up cheese cubes are great for snacking.  I plan to give Ron some with his pills in a little bit.  

 Done.  And I took my last antibiotic.  

Not a bad birthday.  I will open my present from my parents when they call.  I did open the card, she likes to make cards out of cat photos and this one was Baby Girl.  

Sunday night

 The worst of the migraine is gone, I was able to eat and take my medication (all of it).  Cats are good.  

I was enjoying the cool, humid air but Ron objected so I closed the windows and turned on the heater.  He was truly miserable and I still have my box fan in the bedroom.  The heater worked very well and I had enough energy to change the air filter which needed it.  I also noted it in my log.  

According to Amazon, my Astragalus root and the sheets arrive tomorrow.  I will make a tincture of the astragalus root and use the rest for tea.  Ron can do astragalus root if he is coming down with something or I take him to the doctor and want a little boost for his immunity.  Licorice root is out for him as he has high blood pressure.  But I can take it and have in the past.  

That's it for now.  I'm going to get in 8 hours before 5 AM if it kills me.  

Never eating garlic again

 I have gotten better about asking for help or even just thinking about it.  One thing I've done: every weekend I buy Ron a BBQ plate from Jack.  It comes loaded with delicious smoked meats, sides, etc.  Ron feasts like a king for days.  I am only out $10.  

Last night he brought the plate and it had mac and cheese, which Ron hates.  I took a bite.  It had garlic, a lot.  But it was good so I ate it.  

A blood test some years ago indicated a garlic allergy but I didn't take it seriously.  It also said I was allergic to crab and I am, I get hives when I eat it.  Which is a shame as I love crab and a good crab cake at Jimmy G's on the beltway in North Houston was a real treat.  

Of course I woke up with a migraine.  A quick note, Ron was great at handling his own needs today.  He used the commode chair without assistance all I had to do was empty.  That was great as I vomited twice and am struggling to hold down some very cold water, my go to when I am queasy.  

I have a nice small bucket I use when I vomit.  I prefer to sit and heave into the bucket, as I hold it in my lap.  I have never been one for kneeling over the toilet.  I had plenty of time to access the bucket before I got sick.  Let's hear it for the bucket.  

Ron uses a bucket as well, the rare times he gets sick.  But it has been a LONG while for him.  I guess that is a testament to my food safety practices.  

Anyway, Ron loved the BBQ and has enough to last him till Monday breakfast.  He slept all day at least while I was up.  

Spotty got into bed with me.  He has a very demanding meow and will come and DEMAND pets.  I find it adorable.  The orange cat group on Facebook says that is common with orange boys, they are just very friendly and dog like.  Spotty is adorable, for sure, he laid on me purring for a while as I pet him and then wandered off.  I haven't seen much of the other cats.  Baby Girl got the door to the garage open so I think a couple of them are out there.  

Spotty photo: 

The weather is mild so I opened a few screened windows (not all of them have screens) to get a breeze.  We are getting rain bands from Tropical storm Beta but nothing worrisome.  

I feel somewhat dizzy and tired.  Worn out from the headache.  I may go back to bed for a while.  

I am mildly concerned I need to take 4 mood stabilizers, an anti psychotic, and an antibiotic this evening, I hope I am up for it.  

Friday and Saturday

 Ron needed help a couple times Thursday night so I didn't get much sleep.  I got up at 5 when I gave him his snack/medication because I had to get ready for the doctor.  I got Ron settled, took my shower, etc.  I hailed my Uber around 7, it wasn't much at all to go to the doctor.  

I got to the doctor's office about an hour early, which is what I had hoped.  They weighed me, took my blood pressure 130/90 NOT happy about that and will be tapering off soda/caffeine.  That is about 25 points higher than I would like.  I am going to watch that.  

So I went in and the nurse practitioner caught me drinking some diet Dew.  I got the soda lecture.  She said the sample didn't show infection and I confessed I had been taking 10 year old Bactrim ("Oh no" she replied) and I still had a horrible BURNING.  She said she would send it off to culture.  

I asked about post coital antibiotic and she said "I don't do that".  Well, crap.  There goes that plan.  I mentioned Macrobid worked for me so she wrote it for that.  It is nice to have something known with no surprises, and it only cost about $30 at the pharmacy.  She also wrote for some Pyridium which I will ALWAYS take.  That's the stuff that colors your urine and numbs the urethra.  

I left and got a Uber in a few minutes.  Both my drivers got a Bible Promise book in addition to my standard $5 tip, both acted happy to get the book.  I figure God may have let me get sick so these guys could get reached so I had better do some reaching.  

I went to Walmart and checked the prescription was in, the pharmacist actually checked for me.  He is a very nice man and very calm.  I did some shopping and got the text it was ready right as I had come back anyway.  The pharmacist wanted to talk to me.  He knew Macrobid+ Pyridium he probably fills a dozen a day... he was very sympathetic and said he hoped I felt better soon - really great for a Walmart, I thought.  And he meant it.  

I paid and decided to call Arturo.  I didn't buy any soda because I am cutting it out but I had a case of cup of noodles in the styrofoam cups, pretty bulky.  

I talked to my aunt, who, on her own, decided to gift me with Uber cash.  Awesome.  Transportation is always my weak spot so I appreciate it.  

I checked on Ron (emptied his urinals) fed him, took a short nap and woke up feeling COMPLETELY refreshed... I wish I woke up in the morning feeling like that.  It was great.  Then I could take care of house/Ron/God Time.  

And I have a hurricane coming for my birthday next week.  Good thing I aim to be ready at all times anyway.  I have water, cat food, canned food, manual can opener, pills - oh all the pills.  I did my pills last night.  

With my brain problems and I think due in part to medication, I have a horrible time taking prescriptions if they are NOT in my pills of the week organizer.  So I had to do up the antibiotic and pyridium in it in addition to my mood pills, etc.  That was a lot of pills.  It works great to do my pills at a separate time from Ron.  

He has a multivitamin in addition to his other pills.  By the way, he is reading the seizure book I ordered.  Good.  I really think that is important for him to be informed about his condition.  

But I got all mine done and ate my dinner.  I had some digestive complaints a few hours later, just lets you know the medicine is working.  I got most of my order from Swanson, some soap, toilet bowl cleaner, zinc lozenges, and vitamin C.  My throat felt a little weird so I did a lozenge and boy did it taste bad, but I was fine 20 minutes later.  I went to bed and slept pretty well.  

Woke up and fed Ron a snack (I asked him what he wanted I try not to dictate).  He wanted a sausage patty so we did that.  Good, healthy fats and protein.  

Gave him his pills.  I have my pills on the same schedule easier all around just remember "5 o'clock!".  So I ate a Luna Bar (lemon something) and took mine.  I had to take several gulps due to the amount of pills.  I am taking d-mannose 1.5 grams 3 times a day to help clear this.  That adds a lot of bulk to the pills.  

But I got them down with the snack so I am good until 5 PM.   Then Ron and I can take our pills again.  It is just simpler for me.  I DO have brain damage I need to work with that.  

I have found it is just better to admit I have problems than to try to fight it, fail, and not measure up to the "normal" standard.  And I am fine admitting that: I have brain damage.  It is OK to say that.  It is OK to accept help now and then.  

It is NOT OK to sit in a corner, wailing and feeling sorry for myself, refusing to do anything.  I see myself as a woman of action and I intend to keep that view.  

Thursday

 I made an appointment at the doctor.  Our practice has several doctors, etc. and can generally work us in the next day so I like that, take medicare, take self-pay (nice euphemism).  They are nice people and have done a good job for me.  

So I made an appointment.  They have a nurse practitioner, I have had good success with them.  In fact, leaving my gyn NP behind was one of the sad parts of my move to Houston.  She was great, I could ask her anything, she listened, she explained things.  

So I see her.  2 goals: get something for my acute infection and get something to prevent infection the next time I am active.  Either that or I will have to be chaste my whole life and that is not revving my motor.  

Other than that it was pretty uneventful, Ron's doctor called and left a message while I was helping Ron, they found seizure activity on the EEG so he has an official diagnosis.  Emphasized the importance of regular medication, which I understand.  But if he's anything like my psychiatrist he has patients going off their meds again and again and again...getting sloppy with the dosing, etc.   I get it, I wish I could convey that.  

Ron and I knew a guy, friend of a friend, with epilepsy.  Back around '99 we started talking on the phone.  He told me one day he had gotten into a fight with his girlfriend, on the phone, forgot to take his pill, went out to eat and had a grand mal right there in the restaurant!  Then banned for life because the owner thought he had "bad spirits".  So I get it: even a little late can be disastrous.  

So he has an official diagnosis.  Up until this point it has just been my word saying he has this problem as he has had all his seizures at home.  And I'm sure 1 or 2 may have wondered did I REALLY see it.  Now they know: diagnosed by eeg.  And I am sure the scans showing damage to the left temporal lobe didn't hurt either.  

He is taking Keppra which is pretty common, apparently, and had some acting out the first week, but only then.  Apparently there can be rages, very bad behavior, etc.which I did not see.  So that's a relief for me the last thing I need is THAT.  

And I will deal with my problem tomorrow.  I will ask about something to take after sex, also.  I see a NP as much more sympathetic and empathetic than an MD and she is a woman too, so gets it.  

I am not wild about spending the money but I would do it for Ron or the cats and I need to make myself a priority.  I don't.  I put myself last and I need to un-learn that.  Poor Ron when I told him I was going to the doctor tomorrow he asked me to bathe him.  I did.  Then he wanted to get dressed, halfway through I asked if he understood I was going to the doctor, and tomorrow at that.  He stopped.  So he is at least decent and clean for now, I call that a win.  

But I wonder about that no rinse stuff.  I will have to give some details here you may not want.  Last week I cleaned Ron up with the no-rinse and left the washcloth in the bucket of solution.  After we finished I cleaned myself with the washcloth, then poured it all out.  

Today, during my bath, I saw some sort of insect in the shower.  I was worried it was a wasp.  It vanished after I got my glasses on.  After I bathed Ron I dumped the solution in the tub and there was the bug again,some sort of beetle, I think.  It died on contact with the solution.  

WHAT DID I PUT ON MY HOO-HA?  I am a little freaked out now.  

So here it is: Ron and I decide to get romantic.  I clean him with the no-rinse solution, properly diluted.  I pour it out.  Then I fill put the bucket again and rinse him off before we get personal.  That is the only thing I can see.  Now Ron will put up with it but I hate to make him feel like plague boy.  

About the only notable thing I had another beer, it was good.  I will wait an hour and a half before I take my pills just to be cautious.  And if it comes up I will tell the "doctor" I had 2 beers this week.  

I cleaned the litter box.  They had a few issues the last time I cleaned it, runny poop, but that has resolved.  Ron has had a pretty good day for pain, and slept a lot.  

I did my God Time.  I will need to get up very early tomorrow to go to the doctor (they gave me the first appointment, I think), then I can go to the pharmacy after.  I will use the Uber to do that as my cash is limited.  I will use my credit card to pay for the appointment.  I am using it for just medical right now and I kind of like the idea of having a card just for medical expenses.  I am only out cash for whatever I am prescribed but a family doc at a cash clinic is going to understand the need for a $4 prescription.  I like that about them.  

It is easy to feel sorry for myself, but I am going to get over this.  I was able to sleep in this morning after I gave Ron his pill.  When I got up he had filled every urinal which sort of confirmed my belief he can be left alone for about 12 hours max.  

That's it for now.  

I didn't sleep well Tuesday night

 Bladder, Ron was shouting in pain occasionally.  

Now I know nice Christians, among others, read this but let me say that is MESSED UP every time I want to get close to my husband I end up suffering with a bladder infection.  And I do EVERYTHING to make sure it is a good, safe, encounter.  

So, what, do we "turn it off"?  That doesn't seem fair to either of us.  A part of me wonders if it just Ron, from what I read that can happen sometimes, a partner is just no good for bladder infections, although Ron swore he never got anyone else one and they would have told him.  So I have to go to maybe it is just bad anatomy for me?  But no fair I want to experience married life like everyone else, WITHOUT PAIN.  But that is apparently too much to ask.  

NOT FAIR.  OK, I am done bitching about that.  

Not much I could do about Ron screaming.  We still have some Tramadol but it raises the risk of a seizure and I would be gone all morning.  I did order him a vibrating back massager wand yesterday.  

Here's a tip, don't type "Vibrating massage wand" into Amazon unless you want to see a lot of d*ldos.  I mean, thousands of them.  And nothing for Ron's back.  I can't exactly ask him to hold THAT, now, can I?  

But I did find something viable for $20, one day delivery so it comes today, is on the truck right now.  That has helped Ron a lot in the past but he had a hard time finding a "good" one.    It can't hurt.  

Work was about as expected...sales very sluggish, half the sinks broken so limited hand washing (I kept going back to the good sink), Dr Pepper brought me 3 flavors of soda out of all I ordered...very discouraging.  I did however have enough money to get paid, some for inventory, and a little for Ron.  

Jack brought us some BBQ plates last weekend and Ron loved it, so I asked him to bring another one this weekend (we will pay for it).  He was happy to help and I let him know it's a big help for ME because I don't have to cook.  

He has been a huge help to us.  I pay him for rides, what Uber would charge for the same trip + a tip.  He is happy to do it even at 5 this morning - he gets up early and he wasn't kidding about that.  

The only problem I have had, really, Biscuit likes to run out in the driveway when he pulls up, 2x now he has almost gotten squashed!  

I finished up at work and called Jack, we went through the drive through on the way home and got breakfast sandwiches for me and Ron (Jack wasn't hungry).  I came home, ate mine, took some more medication (I am taking a thousand pills right now), and took a nap.  

I got up a little while ago, Ron is in good spirits eating his sandwich.  He is excited to get his massage wand.  I will be doing my God Time in a little bit as I didn't do it this morning. 

I will be glad to get better, it's been a rough little bit lately, but at least, like when I always get sick, my mood is good.  My mood always levels out when I get sick.   

And my cycle is late.  I wonder if it will show up at all this month?  I skipped some time back this summer and didn't miss it one bit.  

Tuesday morning

 I had an interesting juxtaposition just now.  

I got an email from the Texas talking book program, and I paid my parents.  I read Dale Carnagie and believe it is super important to let people know they are doing a good job, I did, with the library, and they liked it so much they sent my comments to everyone working in the library.  That was nice, they are doing God's work keeping people busy during the pandemic.  Many seniors can't go to their day program but they can still read at home, that's important, because people decline when they aren't stimulated.  I didn't say all that but you get the idea.  

So I thought that was sweet.  They also asked how he found out about the program, I told them over 50 years now, he is such an old timer he used to get the records!   That's right the talking book would come on a stack of records.  They went to cassette tape in the 70's and then digital talking books about 15 years ago, they come on a USB cartridge you insert into the machine.  

I had gone into my email to check my balance, my bank does the very efficient thing with the daily email and all my transactions.  Very useful.  So I checked and I had the $250.  

Then I went and paid payment #9 on the loan.  

But libraries, and my stepmother... first of all you need to know my one grandmother was a librarian.  The other was a math expert (the schizophrenic).  But the librarian was very nice and loved reading, when she retired from her librarian job she actually managed the church library.  She used to leave me in the church library when I would visit her and she had a Bible study or prayer meeting.  I always had a good time.  

But,at some point early on, my birth mother and my stepmother had a conversation about me reading.  I think my stepmother said something like "Heather learned to read already and she loves it" and my mother said something like "I used to read a lot when I was manic look out for that".  I was told this on several occasions.  That my mother had said reading = mental illness.  

And we all know alcoholic bipolars who abandon/neglect their children are THE BEST experts on child rearing.  [sigh]  Anyway from that point my stepmother treated books, any books, as dangerous drugs.  She almost took my Bible away but I "told" and everyone told her she couldn't take a Bible away from a little girl, so I got to keep it,but it would go missing sometimes I would have to ask for it back.  After that she stopped talking about "Heather's problem with books" in public, because she looked utterly insane and people told  her that, but was adamant until the day I moved out I would become a mentally ill basket case if I was allowed to read - ANYTHING.  She would frisk me for books when I came home from school!  Search my room every night!  Rip up any books she could find!  It was insane!  

And I'm nuts?  All this on the word of my mother?   My mother would have been horrified if she had been told.  If she told them to pull out my toenails would they have done it?!  I have to wonder sometimes.  

When I got my Kindle I took great glee in showing her my device just for reading, with hundreds of books.  Of course she had to say it was great but it was my little defiance there.  

And even as an adult, on my medication reading is harder so I don't do it as much.  I mainly blog, message boards.  I hardly read at all, so when my Kindle broke it was sad but not a disaster.  I will get another one when I can but no rush.  Amazon is holding all my titles for me I can download them again for free.  I have the app on my phone, even.  

So that was weird having those two things in juxtaposition like that.  It just reminds me I have had a very strange time of it.  

That's it for now.  

Monday

 Still battling the bladder infection.  

Ron was up most of the night with severe nerve pain.  He tried to be quiet but let out the occasional scream.  I had a call into the pain doctor some time ago stating he is having seizures, can't take the Tramadol, and could we get something new?  No response I am going to have to BUG them tomorrow. 

I mean, he can call in something non-narcotic.  He knows Ron's back is a mess.  

So not much sleep last night, bladder yelling, this one is proving persistent.  But I am taking the proper antibiotic.  I am also taking echinacea, vitamin C, cranberry extract, uva ursi (tea), ordered licorice root (tea) which just came, and ordered some d-mannose which is apparently very good for clearing infection but that won't come for a week.  More on that later.  

Ron got a check which I had to deposit.  But he was sleeping and I didn't want to leave without telling him, and he had been up all night, and times like this I am always cognizant of the doctor telling me sleep deprivation can cause seizures, so I sure as hell didn't want to wake him.  

But he did wake up around noon so I told him.  I went to the bank and made the deposit.  We had discussed (at home) cashing the check vs deposit but it is harder to pay cash places now.   And sure enough the teller was telling a guy they didn't have enough cash on hand to cover his check.  

Then I went to Walmart.  I found two things I had really been wanting, generic pyridium (Cystex or phenazopyridine) it changes your urine color?  But is a really effective pain killer.  And, just on the off chance, I looked for the d-mannose, and FOUND IT.  I was thrilled.  I took each before I went home.  

Ron and I had been talking about alcohol and I told him I like a really dark, bitter beer, but it has been so long since I had one I didn't really have a favorite.  But I did some research and got something called "Hopadillo" that warned it was very bitter on the package.  It was a 6 pack.  It sounded good.  12 ounce cans.  I got a package.  

Later, at home, Ron had one sip and didn't like it.  I thought that was funny, Ron not liking alcohol. I finished the can and that is all I plan to have for a while.  But it is there.  I have a drink every couple months so not worried.  

I will need to hide it next month.  Occasionally a friend comes over, he is a heavy drinker and has DUI's.  He won't stop driving drunk and that is going to end very badly with someone maimed or killed.  I will have to hide the beer before he comes.  It is my understanding if he comes over, we provide alcohol,and he gets in an accident we lose the house.  God knows we don't want that.  

But I got everything on the list, a lot of sparkling water to drink for my bladder, etc.  I paid and waited outside.  Arturo was a ways off so I sat on the bench.  A homeless woman came over and was bothering me, sitting right next to me on the bench (there were several benches further away), smoking, etc... finally worked her way up to asking me for money.  I told her no and she went away.  Just because I smile does not mean I am a stupid sap who is going to give up MY hard earned money to support your vices.  

I dealt with enough of them in San Francisco.  They were very aggressive, no respect for personal space, trying to make you uncomfortable so you give them money to go away.  I had to toughen up pretty quick, Ron used to work in a very bad part of town with many homeless and SRO hotels.  They were always thick at the bus stops bothering us.  So I had no problem basically telling her to go to hell.  You have money for hair dye, tattoos, and smokes, good shoes, you are just bad at budgeting and that is not my problem.  

I came home, put everything away, and checked on Ron.  He was fine.  He was hungry so I fed him.  He said next time he would like to feed himself, something about 'bothering" me.  Which is fine even though he will make a mess.  

I did manage to call in the soda order even though they made it difficult.  Happily the sales rep called me so I was able to do it that way, much easier.  She is a nice lady.  

It is hot, humid, and sunny.  I told Ron I don't want to do anything tomorrow.  He was happy to hear that.  I covered the loan for payment tomorrow once I am sure the deposit is there.  I take great glee in paying before the due date every month no matter how bad finances have become.  Although they aren't horrible right now.  I don't have any cash on hand but I am due about a hundred for my pay.  

The air filters arrived, and the licorice root.  I will be making tea out of that, it is really good for immunity and bladder.  Eventually I will be making tinctures out of it, I will need a scale and some bottles for that, but that can wait a bit.  Tea will work for now.  

I also have to figure out where I am going to keep the herb stuff I have all the cabinets stuffed full of food.  I think I have room in my little pantry.  I took the powerades out of there and I'm drinking them to say properly hydrated.  Which frees up room for dry herbs I guess.  

Anyway speaking of herbs it is time to drink some so I'm going to go do that.  

Well, I'm feeling a little better

 I should be back to normal in a few days.  I am just so glad that doctor wrote a refill for my prescription.  I am still not 100% but about 60% right now.  I have focused on taking it easy and getting lots of rest.  I have had well over a gallon and a half of various liquids, as well.  I'll be OK.  

I also spent a fair amount of money (for me) buying Uva Ursi cut and sifted herb.  Pour boiling water over 1/2 teaspoon and let steep a while, then drink.  I am going to do one mug before and after sex.  I also got some D-mannose.  That has a really good record for prevention.  I am going to do what I can.  

If the problem persists I will see a doctor but this infection is going to be on the way out pretty soon.  OOps I did it again.  

I thought I had published and I didn't.  

I slept better last night (less pain) but still bad enough I took some Advil when I gave Ron his pills.  I am getting pretty good at heating up some food, shoveling it into him, pills, and then back to bed.  

My uva ursi is coming today I have had good luck with it in the past.  The nice thing, from my herbalist days it was VERY hard to get raw herbs, if I was lucky I could get them at Whole Foods but that was a long trip anywhere I lived (I do not live in a Whole Foods neighborhood, Lupe's Taqueria maybe or Moe's Rib Shack perhaps).  

But Amazon has brought it.  I can look up individual herbs.  The key term is C/S that means cut and sifted.  It is ready for a tincture or infusion (tea).  And it is easier for me now I have my electric kettle, very easy to boil water now.  

I will likely make myself an infusion, absolutely doing that a couple times a day until the antibiotics run out.  I will also make a tincture, pour some of Ron's alcohol over the herb in a glass container and let that sit for a month or two.  Then I can take a dropper or two every morning and when I am "active" to help.  Although I may do the tea for the "active" part, I am not sure.  

Point being it's going to be great having the herb.  I am going to get started on it right away, and it was only about $10.  I got some licorice root too, that comes Monday, because that makes things taste better and is very good for stomach/immune system.  The mannose comes next week, a little late for current bladder conditions (I hope I am better by then!), but good for future prevention.  I think I am just going to take some mannose every day (the best deal was an 8 ounce package, for a little more than one of those little 3 ounce jars), so I will have plenty to take.  

I will be glad when I am better, though, I have forgotten how much a bladder infection sucks.  

WOW that was super nice.  As you know I have a prayer notebook with pages of notes on prayer issues I want to cover.  My secret pal who sends me the notes, etc. has been such a blessing I added another page.  

I pray for encouragers; that they be given encouragement; that I be a better encourager (it is one of my spiritual gifts).  That's just a small tidbit.  

But this year has been embarrassing so many blessings from God.  Some I have covered, some I have not.  Anyway Larry called, he has a little restaurant and said he had a couple of plates leftover from yesterday and would we like them?  He named: fried chicken, red beans and rice, dirty rice, green beans, corn on the cob, bbq ribs AND chicken, etc.  I said absolutely and he brought it over.  Two huge clamshells full of food.  

Ron nearly ate himself sick.  It is so hard to get Ron to eat so this is a huge blessing, a provision of all ready to go delicious soul food, all I have to do is heat it up!  Wow!  I love that!  

I will tell you now, I had been secretly wishing to God for someone to bring takeout and boy did He come through!  I am glad I had already cleaned out the fridge I had so much food.  

And I finally got up my nerve to try the Walmart canned pulled pork (I am saving Larry's food for Ron) and it was delicious, I will be getting more.  So it's been a good morning in spite of my illness.  

I am working on the cranberry juice now.  Happily I ordered a lot so I am set for a while.  

Every fall I always forget to put the plastic jack o lanterns (the kind with a lightbulb so they glow) in the window until a week or two before the 31st.  This year I took them out of storage and put them in the window, and found my scripture booklets.  I have enough left over from last year I don't need to get more.  

I DON'T expect to get a lot of kids this year so I will probably only do up about 50 bags.  But it's Saturday so I may do 100.  If I don't hand it out I can give it to my drivers.  

I may need to order some kiddie tracts.  

Late Friday

 My love life is cursed...with bladder infections.  I do everything right, clean Ron up, have a good time, do everything right AFTER and get the damned infection.  It makes me angry.  

NOT Ron's fault. If it was, washing him directly (I mean I had the bucket and rag right there in bed before we got frisky (I know TMI)] would clear it up.  It didn't.  I just have bad anatomy.  

I will confess I think I have a wide urethra.  Anyway it makes loving difficult.  BUT this is not my first time I know what to do, plenty of plain water, diet cranberry juice, etc.  

Years ago I had a really cool primary doctor.  I explained I had to take the whole day off to get there, spend $30 on a cab just to the office, and take the bus to the Walmart after, pay another cab to go home.  It was time consuming.  We discussed it and he said well you have a history, you know the symptoms and what to do, I am going to write you a refill on the antibiotic.  

They NEVER do this.  But he did, and it's a good thing.  I was lying in bed trying to sleep and decided I did not want to run around next week lining up a doctor visit for me and then the pharmacy run.  I got out the refill and did some research - will it interact?  It won't.  It does make me pee green I forgot about that.  (laugh) I took the first tablet.  Then I lined up my pills of the week and got that laid out.  And cracked open another half gallon of cranberry juice.  

So that's taken care of.  I should be pretty perky in a day or two.  Bactrim has always been a great tool for me - so's Macrobid.  Ron of course is allergic so I will be giving him his medication before I take mine, then washing my hands after.  He has REALLY bad time with Bactrim.  

It's not quite if I wanted to kill him deal but he would be miserable... 

And his nephew - something is up there.  I suspect Ron's sister died.  We will see.  

And someone is irate at me... because I said I enjoy Ron.  That way.  God knows probably some fuming readers including my snitch.  Tell that to the social worker she is liable to give me a big atta girl.  

Anyway there is this perception with sex.  That the man has to be the stud, carry her up the stairs, throw her over his shoulder, do her a certain way.  I read a very good book that explained that is just media, you can do WHATEVER you want in bed with your loved one.  It may look different than the movie but if you both are happy at the end of it that is enough.  And sometimes it is enough to bring someone ..well.  It doesn't have to be the stud.  There are other options.  

But I saw a movie, she was married to an older man.  He had a stroke and couldn't be the stud any more.  She kept whining about it and cheated on him.  He ended up killing himself.  I remember shouting at her all the various body parts he had, that worked, that could give them BOTH a REALLY good time.  I was actually shouting at the TV (Ron was in the hospital) and the nurse came in and shushed me as Ron quivered with laughter.  And,sure enough, a day or so later they caught us.  Ron was so calm about it "Aren't you married?  You understand".  

But I think a lot of women, especially my generation, have that thinking, it is either all or nothing.  It doesn't have to be that way you can have a REALLY good time if you are willing to take some chances.  I am not talking about bringing in another man... but blogger has rules and I think that's as far as I can go.  Have a real, frank talk, about what you like and what you would like done and how you can make it happen.  You may have to buy something online but I assure you, it is there.  

And I had a good enough time out of it to get a bladder infection.  Ron feels bad about that but glad he could carry me up the stairs, so to speak.  

I just talked to my nephew his wife died.  That is so sad they have children.  He doesn't want to talk about it and I didn't push him.  I should know, bad enough you have a disaster without someone pointing fingers.  I can't do anything for him but I will pray.  

I had been praying for him anyway, I pray for all Ron's family even the nasty ones because Jesus commands it.  That is good enough for me, but it was nice to truthfully tell him I have been praying for you guys every day.  I would never lie about that.  

I do pray for you as well, if you wondered.  

If I hadn't been praying, daily, I would just have said "I have been praying for you guys".  It must have been an accident how awful.  Maybe a stroke or heart attack.  He seemed so stricken.  And he is young, younger than me I think.  

What a day. 

Early Friday

 Woke up at 2, bright and alert.  I said screw it and got up.  Talked to Ron a little, he was up but did not wake me.  I did some housecleaning, made a delivery order.  2 hours after the "make changes" window closed I remembered I needed toilet bowl cleaner.  Well, crap.  

I did my God Time.  

The menopause herbs have had some bonus effects.  Ron is quite happy with them; so am I.  But what is it with us every time we get naked I get a bladder infection?!  I gave him a bath right before!  So I ordered cranberry juice that should help.  I will also be getting some d-mannose and uva ursi.  

There is nothing more vile than the taste of uva ursi tea but it worked as a preventive for me.  Could be worse could have been Ron got sick.  

It is not full blown just irritation so I am dealing as best I can.. if it isn't better in a day or two I will see our primary and get some Bactrim.  I did order some vitamins and a nice bar of soap from Swanson.  

I just need to mop and do a few dishes and I am pretty done with housework for a while.  

Spotty's Dad came by, I saw him, still unaltered male, bears a striking resemblence to Spotty.  The unaltered + appearance + proximity makes me think he must be the father.  Generally tom cats don't have a long life but he seems to be king of the hill around here.  

I could barely buy my cranberry juice no way can I take care of another cat.  He is fed.  He just wants to sleep on the bed.  My cats objected and ran him off (except Spotty who really seems to love ol' Dad).  

I got the grocery delivery and they brought more than I seemingly ordered... I think they had stuff in stock that was marked "out" sent it anyway because I did order but I don't think I was charged?  I am not worried over a $2 bottle of cranberry juice.  

So I took care of Ron, cats, house - you wouldn't believe how much cat hair I swept up - I am planning to take a nap and then finish everything later.  I got a lot done and didn't feel taxed doing it.  Likely I am getting a little manic which is fine, I take medication for that so it won't go off the rails.  

I also ordered some more filters for the house.  

Someone online said "they" are doing a big "pray for the nation" thing at the end of the month, I always go to this passage in the Bible:  

Jeremiah 14:

Jeremiah 14:10-12

New King James Version

10 Thus says the Lord to this people:
“Thus they have loved to wander;
They have not restrained their feet.
Therefore the Lord does not accept them;
He will remember their iniquity now,
And punish their sins.”
11 Then the Lord said to me, “Do not pray for this people, for their good. 12 When they fast, I will not hear their cry; and when they offer burnt offering and grain offering, I will not accept them. But I will consume them by the sword, by the famine, and by the pestilence.”

I got this one during my Bible study this morning, rather striking: 

Isaiah 1:7 Your country is desolate, Your cities are burned with fire; Strangers devour your land in your presence; And it is desolate, as overthrown by strangers.

Isaiah 9:19 Through the wrath of the Lord of hosts The land is burned up, And the people shall be as fuel for the fire; No man shall spare his brother.

Yes, there are some good people out there.  But have you heard of "Cuties"?  The show about little girls acting in a VERY sexual manner?  I am sorry but the image of a little girl lying on the floor lifting her butt up as though for intercourse was rather upsetting to me and that was a still image.  I can only imagine the video.  

"Scholars" are saying pedophiles are "normal".  We are saying sin is OK and it's not and God is sick of it.  He IS going to pour out His wrath, don't be surprised when it happens.  And don't whine about it either because this has been a VERY long time coming.  There is still time to get saved but you had better get speedy about it; ask Jesus to rule your life, repent of your sins (confess and turn from), seek God's will in everything (except maybe lunch!), read the Bible regularly, pray daily, try to honor Jesus by your actions.  

I fail, miserably, at all of that on a regular basis.  I try to take the wheel.  And I do a bad job of it, go off the road, and "let" Jesus drive again.  He is used to me but I need a lot of work before I am perfected.  I am the LAST person who is going to tell you how to live your life, but wrath is coming.  If you want to escape it is time to get saved.  

If you wait until after the rapture you are in for a miserable 7 years, if you make it that long.  You will still go to heaven though.  

Tuesday, Wednesday and some of Thursday

 So Tuesday I got Ron settled, went to Sam's, got the inventory, all $188 worth.  They didn't have many bottled sodas and very few cans,and those with limits.  Frustrating.  I went to work and stocked, came home.  

I had planned to take Wednesday off but a nearby branch of Ron's bank was open, this one near a Walmart.  So I went.  It took a while but I did the business and then walked over to the WM.  

I couldn't find the hard boiled eggs anywhere.  I don't think they are selling them anymore.  Nope they are NOT.  

 So I got what I came for, more Voltaren for Ron, etc.  It really works for him so I want to have some on hand.  It took me a while.  

Happily I remembered: "I need to pay the electric bill" before I had left.  I went over to "The Money Center" only to hear they are not taking cash utility payments.  I was not happy, ranted a little bit about the mark of the beast, and stomped off to think things over.  

I recalled I did have enough money in my debit account to cover the payment so I did that.  Then I had to make an additional stop at my bank on the way home to cover that.  If I hadn't made the cash deposit I would have been short on my personal money.  

So I did all that and came home, put everything away.  I had bought some presliced meat from the deli.  I am fond of the pepper turkey.  It has swirls of black pepper in it and is lively but not "hot".  I never ate spicy food growing up and I can't abide "hot" things like jalapenos, etc.  I ate half a pound (laugh) for dinner and my pills.  Gave Ron his pills.  

It worked very good running through the drive through on the way home from work the other day, I bought a couple of double cheeseburgers the way Ron liked them.  He had that for dinner, and breakfast today (Thursday).  

I was pretty beat and went to bed early.  Ron kept waking me up (Wednesday night).  He doesn't intend to do it he is just thoughtless.  And when I got up he wanted me to work on his computer.  

Let's talk about Ron and computers for a minute.  I knew how to use a GUI interface as my parents had an Apple Mac.  Shockingly, I wasn't really "allowed" to use it but I did get the basics.  

Ron was sent to a vocational training program which included computers and DOS back in 92/93.  A few years later we were able to buy a used 286 with my tax return and he taught me DOS.  It was a pretty logical system so I did OK.  

But once Ron got a talking computer program he became relentless I had to help him at every opportunity.  He would get frustrated and shout at me, demanding I repeat the same thing several times over and accusing me of not inputting the commands properly, etc.  It was, and has been,an utterly miserable experience.  He told all his friends I was a bitch who wouldn't "help" him, one guy (the one who instigated and led the gang rape, then bragged about it to me 20 years later) came over, Ron was very nice to him, asked me for "help" and then declared whattya know I was a bitch.  "Do this" I did.  "Do it again"  I did.  "What does it say?"  Same thing it said the last 3 times.  Etc.  "Oh, you're a total bitch no wonder he hates you".  This from a guy who said his victim "had it coming" (direct quote) because she was drunk.  Trust me, if there had been a way to get the police on the guy I would have done it but the statute had expired and he knew it.  

I was actually happy this year when Ron asked me to take over the accounting as that meant I wouldn't have that hanging over me any more "We have to get this fixed so I can do the report".  He is on a first name basis with the computer guy as well.  He fell on his computer/knocked it over several times during blackouts, I told him he was doing it but he didn't care.  

Now he wants to use the computer again.  I believe because it has porn (audio files dubbed off of talking books).  It has been balky.  So he is bugging me every 5 minutes I have to help him.  I finally told him "We don't need this for work you are only doing this for porn" and he didn't deny it.  Hopefully he will either get what he wants or give up.  I am NOT interested in playing "fix the computer" today and will make that clear.  

We may be getting more money, if he does he can get the computer guy on it.  But the old days of me sitting over the computer for 3-4 hours telling him every little bleep of the monitor, several times over, stating the same thing AGAIN AND AGAIN to him, etc. are OVER.  

Ugh.  I still haven't decided if I am going to do housework today or not. I am doing some laundry.  My urethra is irritated so I decided to rewash all my underwear in the "free and clear" detergent I have been sloppy about mixing it with chemical loads with washing soda, fragrance, etc. and that will not help.  It's an easy fix but I put half my underwear in the drum and thinking "God I hope this doesn't break".  

Ideally I will do dishes, finish the laundry, put it away, go through my medication and compile some stuff, sweep, and mop.  Actually a lot of work!  

I may make a list and just do half of it.  We'll see.  

Monday

 I slept OK last night but Ron woke me up.  He has trouble swallowing due to the stroke and, at one point, was prescribed a pureed food diet.  Anyway, sometimes he chokes on his saliva when he's sleeping or drinking a liquid, and it always sounds like Stage One of a seizure.  

They go: 

Loud shout, convulsions, pushing out (I don't know how else to describe it), collapse (these have all happened in bed so he goes limp, basically), horrible gurgling and choking noises, then snoring unconcious for a while.  

It is really a ghastly progression and I always go running even though I can do absolute zilch to stop it.  I guess to bear witness?  Anyway, I yelled "Are you alright?" and he mumbled a reply, I turned over and looked at the alarm clock.  

[Bad Word] It was 5:15.  I hadn't set the alarm properly.  I jumped up and administered the morning pills (seizure pill and blood pressure), then went back to bed, very groggy and slept until 9.  

I was groggy/depressed most of the morning.  I haven't even done a shower yet.  But I have taken care of Ron and the cats.  

I tried to lay down but I suspect my "hair and skin" vitamins have a little too much B vitamin for that.  I got up and decided to do my God time.  

Back in the day I used to go to thrift shops, and would often find these very sad little devotionals, inscribed "To Kerry with love, please accept this as a reminder of my, and God's, love for you" that sort of thing.   And the recipient threw it away, basically.  

I have a "One Year Book of Bible Readings" inscribed "to Kurt" from his friend Beth, you get the idea.  Anyway I found this HUGE hardback devotional based on my favorite Bible verse "My Weakness for His Strength" (2 Corinthians 12:9).  I read a little, liked it, picked it up.  $1, don't tell the author.  

I never added it to "My Arsenal" of devotions and Bible readings.  But I found it not long ago in the garage, it was one of the few books I did keep when I did the purge.  I took it out, read Day One, liked it.  Today's reading really spoke to me and basically told me I was the victim of legalism when my pastor made a rule he knew I couldn't keep, one that was not explicitly in the Bible, when he forbade me to take my mental illness meds.  It made a lot of sense and something I needed to hear, as I have been more bitter than I would like, on the matter.  Mainly because a couple people in my life have been pushing me to go back.  Now I can explain, succinctly, why I have an issue.  "Because he is a legalist".  

So I needed to hear that and it has been a good book so far, I am going to put up a link:  https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B014HQDQR6/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i4

I am very picky about what I put in my head.  It has to be understandable and relevant, based on the Bible.  What I have going right now does that.  

One year Bible, one year Chronological Bible, one year book of Bible readings, a devotional by Corrie Ten Boom, Streams in the Desert (old-timey devotional for struggling people), the one I just mentioned, also for struggling people, and a regular NKJV Bible, giant print, I read a chapter every day, right now in the New Testament.  I really figure I CANNOT get enough Bible in my day.  I am dead serious about that.  

I would also like the Morning and Evening devotional but I put that on my birthday list as a hint to my parents.  I also have a Bible cover on there, I could actually use 2.  If I don't get them for a present I will buy them for myself (6x9x2). 

Anyway, when I stack up these books on the floor they come up to my knee; but I'm a lot better for the daily readings.  I believe they make me a better person and more useful to Jesus.  That's a good thing, and one of the only things I am taking out of this life aside from my works and how I loved others.  

All that said I have figured out the source of a recurring digestive issue: red food dye #40.  Every time I consume it about two hours later I have a violent "purge" of red-dyed poop.  It was very alarming, it didn't look like blood and I realized it was the dye reacting in my gut.  So that is out!  

Yipe.  One of the very few things Dad remembers about my childhood, I reacted so badly to red dye #2, me and my stepbrother, that we were forbidden to have any "red" drinks, no fruit punch, no cherry slushies, because we became uncontrollable after consumption.  I remember the prohibition.  

So I will have to find some drink mix without red dye in it, I think I am still OK for aspartame.  I guess I will look on Amazon, I actually have a little bit in my account.  

I really wanted to wear some perfume today but Ron is so sensitive to scents.  I did figure out (with his help) he didn't react to the Tea Rose, couldn't smell it in fact, so I could wear a tiny spritz.  It is a nice amount for me but not bothering him, everyone wins.  

Interesting, research has shown scents can trigger a seizure.  If I ever get a helper in here I will have to request no perfume because some of those women - OMG it is awful you can TASTE it and that would definitely flip Ron into one.  I am going to have to remember that.  I don't care how they show up but no perfume!  I will make that CLEAR.  

Interestingly enough Ron says if anyone's helping him he wants a man.  I guess for "house help" I can get a woman we will see.  Not like people are lining up to mop my floors!  

If you do, please don't wear perfume!  :p  

Ron has had a good day, ate a decent amount, urine looks good, already took care of the other matter on his own.  No headache for me just mildly depressed.  I need to figure out dinner.  Ron can have his spaghettios but I need to figure mine out.  

I think I have some canned macaroni.  No, I had plain spaghettios.  With some milk.   

Now I need to take a shower and round up the dirty clothes, see if I have enough for a load.