Showing posts from July, 2011

I have a migraine video blog


A very bad word

I have a lot of drivers who are African Immigrants.  They are always fascinating and delightful people. 

One of them taught me how to say "Thank you" in Amharic.  A few days ago, I was riding with another driver, who taught us a very bad word in Arabic. 

I was feeling really wiped out after work (work went fine, had enough to cover the checks and pay me, yay), and must have looked pretty droopy as I left the bank, escorting Ron, in the rain.  My Ethiopian buddy chatted at me in Amharic as he opened the door to the cab. 

It took me a minute to realize, it wasn't English.  I looked up at him and he laughed.  So did I. 

Then I encouraged Ron to tell our driver the new word.  He gasped in shock. 

"You do not know, Amharic and Arabic are very similar!"  It means the same thing in both languages. 

So, I grinned "If I get in the cab and see the Ethiopian or Eritrean flag, I can give them a special greeting!"  He almost had a heart attack.   The immigra…

That is why I take my pills

It was a wierd day.  Last year, Ron and I went downtown to get his yearly pass renewed.  It took forever to get downtown, and it was extremely hot waiting outside.  We decided to go early in the morning, which meant a very early wakeup. 

I got up, shower, God Time.  Ate.  Ready to go.  We took the wheelchair, because the lines can be long and Ron can't stand for long.  It was a long ride.  Either the driver, or the other passengers wanted to talk so I couldn't listen to my music. 

Finally got downtown, unloaded, got Ron his new pass.  I used the bathroom. 

The facilities downtown have a single bathroom (one toilet, sink, etc) for men, and one for women.  They can be pretty grim.  I brought a spray bottle of rubbing alcohol. 

It was fine for me, and Ron and I had plenty of time so we went to the deli.  Ron got a breakfast sandwich with added potatoes.  He loved it.  [shrug]  I was pretty queasy so I just had a diet soda. 

Afterwards, Ron and I discussed the possibility of …

A very long day

Well, I think I scared my body into behaving.  Not a speck of trouble today. 

A busy day; got all the supplies to work, stocked them all.  I had virtually empty machines, but when I left they looked great.  Ron was thrilled. 

I also volunteered to join a group; appreciating employees.  I think it is a great idea.  People will get nominated, and get a little award, maybe a plaque or something.  I know I love it when Ron says something nice about my work ethic, or customer service.  A little positive energy goes a long way. 

And yeah, I don't see a problem with the concept of "energy".  I also think it is wise for vendors to be involved at work.  Not political, but can the customers pick me out of a lineup?  I hope so! 

We went in for the swing shift; and they enjoyed seeing us.  I think it's important to be around for all 3 shifts.  Not on the same day; but at least around when they are, now and then. 

Right now, it looks like it wants to rain.  I also hear rumor…

A long day at work

Heidi, the way I see it I'll either go to the ER if I get acute, or just let it pass on it's own.  I am sick to death of going to doctors for the abdominal pain. 

I looked up my symptoms, it could be anything. 

ANYWAY, Ron knows, so if I get actutely ill he can get help.  I ate a couple of cheddarburgers for dinner.  Seem to be OK. 

As long as I can stock the machines tomorrow, I'm happy.  I just hate vague symptoms and the old chestnut "All your tests came back normal!"  AAAAGH. 

I know, I'm sniveling, and I hate that.  If I vomit up my liver, I'll go to the hospital. 

In the meantime, I'm going to bed.  It'll be a long day at work tomorrow.

Bring it

I've been having some wierd symptoms, and I'm pretty sick of them.  I expect fatigue, that's standard.  Nausea?  Sure, some.  Some; I haven't been this queasy since I started my Wellbutrin.  Strange abdominal pains?  [rolleyes]  I've been having THEM for at least 13 years. 

Having some undefined ailment is annoying; what takes it to truly awful is the trip to the emergency department.  Wait around, exam.  Blood tests.  Urine.  Wait around.  "Oh, everything came back normal"  WHAT?  "You aren't going to die, you can go home now".  AGH. 

The real scream comes when I get the bill; still paying on a visit in 2009; I got a 1 minute exam, a blood test, and that was it.  They didn't even let me have a bed.  I had to wait in a chair!  For that, $1,300.  [profanity]  That is just stupid. 

That is why I have been reluctant to see anyone.  I mean, it could be anything, or nothing.  I did eat some wheat; maybe my "innards" are displease…

Video Blog

Internet down.

Ron's been sick all day

Ron's been sick all day; vomiting and all.  I've been pretty queasy. 

Hopefully we can work tomorrow.

The raft

Ron got drunk pretty early today.  Hopefully, he got all the noisy out of his system. 

When I got up from my (ha!) nap (couldn't sleep with the racket), I did this:

I'm pretty pleased with the concept.  The figure, down on one knee, praying - the huge tidal wave threatens, but the figure is calm and faithful.  He knows God will protect him, or her.  You can't really see the raft (figure is on a small raft), and the ocean can use a lot of work.  I would like a better "spray" near the wave; but I like it.  The bare bones are down on paper. 

I also have a concept of a tornado; and even a mushroom cloud rising over a city... as the figure is calm and focused on God.  I don't know how I could paint fire, but that's another one I could do, figure menaced by fire

I'm having fun with it; and it addresses something I feel needs expression.  I know it's crude, I've never had art training, I can't draw, but I was flattered if someone asked me if I…

What would Heather do?

One of my Facebook friends is having a hard time.  Someone hurt her badly and betrayed her trust.  Now she is suffering financially, and is worried about her beloved cat.  She's having some more trials and is handling it really well. 

I felt that God really had her on my mind last night, so went I woke up I sent her a message, I wish I could do a, b, c, but all I can do is pray.  I will be doing so. 

She messaged me back and said some lovely things about my faith.  I was very honored. 

Then she actually put up a post on her wall, "I asked myself, "What would Heather do" and made the choice to forgive this hater, and move on".  Yay!  I was even more honored. 

Of course, when someone compliments me in any way, I always go on alert; I want to make sure I have a faith worth emulating, and living my life in a way that honors Him.  I also start worrying about humility. 

All morning, I've had horrendous nausea; so I guess that helps with the humility!  [laugh…

Dropped Coke

So, how was my day today? 

I have been craving tater tots for weeks.  I don't know why. 

Ron and I talked and he asked where I would like to eat out.  I told him, Burger King.  He is always suprised I often want a simple meal, instead of a sit down thing.  I told him, I wanted a double cheeseburger with BBQ sauce, for breakfast.  He said OK. 

He likes the breakfast bowl; it's pretty messy watching him eat.  I don't care.  If table manners were a deal breaker we wouldn't have had a second date.  I just focused on my burger.  We were the only people in the lobby. 

I got my tater tots (they called them hash brown bites but a tater tot is a tater tot); and burger.  Ron got his bowl.  Afterward, we got picked up and rode off to get Mr C.  He is a very nice older man, and enjoys talking to me. 

We went to Walmart (Ron and I) and I pushed him in the wheelchair.  Actually, he hung onto the handle and I pulled the cart.  We got exciting things like wet wipes, Diet Dr Peppe…

I need to get out of the house.

I did pretty well last night, I slept pretty well. 

I did pretty well, this morning, I took my second lithium "early" and it worked very well.   We went to work and we did everything possible. 

I need to go to the warehouse, and get more crackers, but that's about it. 

However, I waited too long on the last lithium, and depression is gnawing away.  [sigh]  Not an illness, for a wimp. 

You know, I hear a lot about people "on disability" for bipolar disorder.  I completely get that. 

However, unemployment during a depression - oh, that would be ugly.  As it is, sometimes I don't have the energy to check the mail, even when I'm expecting something fun!  I can only IMAGINE the horror of unemployment with a depression. 

Actually, I do know.  I was laid off a job in 1997.  They said I didn't fit in.  They were right; money wasn't my God.  I worship Someone else.  They fired me a couple weeks before Christmas.  That was a completely awful Christm…


Happily, I figured out a lot of the "music that isn't there" - is actually some kind of air conditioner harmonic. 

In addition to all his other problems, Ron is also about half deaf (in both ears).  When tested about 15 years ago, it was 30% in one ear and 40% in the other.  I'm guessing probably half or worse now.  He can't help - he doesn't hear it. 

Webcam to the rescue, the volume meter went up and down when I heard the noise.  Ergo, it is real.  Some kind of a/c harmonic, I think.

So, I think I'm OK on waiting to call doc.  I am not going to suffer; trust me. 


I do plan to ask him about Haldol, maybe.

I never know

I'm having some unpleasant psychotic symptoms.  Music that isn't there, "seeing" things out of the corner of my eye, etc.  It's really disturbing. 

I want to think, if I just take my medication I will never have a severe symptom, again.  However, the truth is a lot more precarious, I will always need adjustments and tune ups.  I never know when my symptoms will come back. 

How awful, to go through life, never able to trust my own brain.  So, I'm online looking up antipsychotics and wondering if he'll give me something new, increase the stuff I am taking, or something else. 

It's really sad to say this, but I'm going to ask for Haldol if I get a choice.  It seems like a very potent medication, and I can live with the side effects and risks.  On a comparison basis, it seems as though the old stuff is more effective than the new. 

OK, psychotic stuff resurfacing; not fun.  Also awful: return of the depression!  Ugh.  I'm brooding about stuff,…

The demon has a rosary?

Ron was pretty quiet last night.  I wish I could say the same for the neighbor's dog; a stray was running around and sniffing near "his" yard, apparently, so I had hours of frenzied barking.  Someone ran over the stray dog and killed it. 

That always bugs me, dog owners with constantly barking dogs.  It's like, don't you notice?  Doesn't it bother you, too?  Are you unwilling, or unable, to get your dog's silence? 

Cat's don't bark.  They don't eat their own waste, or attack running chainsaws, either.  They aren't territorial and aggressive towards humans.  No one has ever been killed by a cat attack. 

I can't help but feel that an incessantly barking dog owner doesn't really care.  They just seem selfish; my dog is going to keep you up all night, nothing you can do about it, and if you complain I will get ugly with you. 

I wonder if they have no-dog subdivisions anywhere in Texas.  I bet, if they did, it would be nice and quie…


Ron, after waking me up repeatedly, coughing, woke up after 12.  It's very aggravating, he won't see a doctor.  He says "You should be mad at God for letting me cough" and refuses to take anything to stop coughing.   He doesn't like me to shut my bedroom door because "It has the good vent for the air conditioning". 

So, great, just what I want to see, Ron wakes up, drinks, and then when he stops drinking coughs for hours and then goes to sleep in the morning, so he can wake up after 12 and start drinking.  No wonder I'm a little cranky. 

I intend to tell him "Either you take something for the coughing, you shut your door, or I shut my door."  We could manage today because I was able to sleep in (day off) but we can't have this on a worknight. 

My local news site wants to be in all my business (to use local slang).  They want my facebook, blog, and email.  They want me "liking" articles on facebook.  I have not done so. 


By the end of the week...

It looks like I was right.  Remember my post from the other day, about that really awful driver? 

Anyway, we did that, and went to the bank. It was a ride from hell.

1. Driver driving in the left hand turn lane, as the GPS and I are telling him to go right.

2. Cutting off other cars, and spending so much time looking into the rearview mirror he drove 1 block, on the wrong side of the road. I actually thought of you, as I saw the truck coming at us blaring his horn.

I wish to God I were kidding.

3. Weaving all over the road, especially when he stopped looking at the road, turned his head, and watched the radio as they did roll call. He went into not one but 2 other lanes.

When we got out Ron said "Heather!"

"I know, let's get inside".

We go into the bank. "What is that man smoking? I don't know!"

I take the opportunity to praise God, aloud, for our safety and the continued use of our legs. We decided not to call in; he is so bad he will hav…

"Feels like hell"

I suspect I may have a gift for overlooking the obvious.  I started a new policy today; turn on the computer, let the antivirus run, and pick up for 10 minutes or so.  I have to have a plan; the obvious doesn't occur to me (I can't sit on the couch anymore, maybe time to clear it off?). 

This has been a more useful mania; I'm actually able to do things like housework, organizing, etc.  I'm feeling creative, but still have a decent amount of my budget.  I've done 3 loads of laundry, hung it up, and even started washing the bedding.  I don't want the pillows crawling off! 

One concept I plan to execute; I have an image in my head.  A small human figure is beset by terrible storms, fire, and tidal waves... yet remains calm and confident, with their eyes on Jesus.  "Though He slay me, I will trust in Him" - it's from the book of Job.  I played around with my crayons (I already had them) and I like the concept a lot.  I need to work on my human figur…

Count your blessings, already!

Heidi, yeah, it was probably the background music.  I'm sorry.  I went out on Wednesday, got some craft stuff.  Yesterday we ran some errands and rode paratransit forever. 

It has been very hot and humid recently; makes the whole "Day Out" rather exciting.  Especially as I read ominous warnings about temperature regulation on my bottle of risperidone. 

Ugh.  I am in a BAD MOOD right now. 

I needed groceries, so Ron set up a trip for us to go to the grocery store.  The grocery trip was fine, I got my grated cheese, tuna, etc.  Also some veggie juice. 

Our pickup, however, was over an hour late.  Boy, Ron had a LOT to say.  It started with general grumblings and went to his usual "The world is going to hell" spiel. 

I told him, I feel the whole deficit problem could be solved if we stopped giving other nations money; especially ones that hate us.  What is the point of funding a bunch of jerks who hate us anyway?  I think anyone can agree on that. 

He starte…

Video blog


I almost died, again, today.

Ugh.  I'm all crampy and miserable.  Mom once mentioned to me "Heather, you always had horrible periods - are they still bad?"  Yup.  Going off my family history I have another 10+ years.  Oh, goody. 

Happily a generic Aleve does the trick, but I have to adjust my lithium dose so I don't get toxic.  Talk to your doc.  Aleve raises lithium levels.  I can feel it actually. 

I overslept, Ron was really nice about waking me up.  I tend to be a little shrill, he just stood in the doorway and called my name quietly, then said "The ride is coming in an hour".  No time for God, sorry, Lord.  I'll get you after I finish my post. 

Showered, got dressed, went to work.  Ron had accidentally left a vending machine open, happily, someone closed it.  It looks like someone might have stolen a few cans of soda but that's it.  Not bad. 

Ron and I often marvel that 2 people with brain damage are allowed to run a business.  You should have seen us on Monday; part o…

Video blog

Headache today.  UGH.

Ode to Heather

When Ron gets drunk he often gets very talkative.  He likes to call people and talk. 

It used to bug me, because he slurs his words and it was obvious he had a few.  But, I figured, so what if people know.  He has an illness and I am not supporting it so what does it matter? 

Anyway, the last couple nights he has been calling all his friends; and singing the "ode to Heather": Heather is the best cook.  My wife is so smart.  My wife is great about purchasing songs for me to download.  My wife found me the best talking watch ever....

Because he has been drinking, he fails to realize he is speaking in a very LOUD voice.  It's cute. 

Probably one of the few times in my life I've enjoyed eavesdropping, on someone discussing me!  

"She makes the BEST hamburgers!"  [grin] 

I'm glad I didn't yell at him about the barbeque sauce on the floor.  It looked like he had a really good time heating up a cooked, frozen, burger - applying sauce, dropping some on t…

Look like a dove

Ron will never tell me "You are getting fat". 

A little backstory: when we started feeding the birds,. the doves would coo loudly, outside the windows, so loud even Ron could hear them.  They had the 3 sylable call "I-love-you" and the 4 sylable "Come-out-and-play!"  I like to tease Ron a little by saying things to him, with the dove inflection.  This is really something I need to do in a video, but I speak in a higher pitched voice and use the same inflection. 

This morning, we went to Walmart.  We took the wheelchair.  Ron had fun.  More in a bit.  When we came home, I needed Ron to unlock the door, I'd forgotten my keys. 

I was cooing at Ron: "Un-LOCK-the-door!  Un-LOCK-the-door!"  He paused and looked at me; in his blind way.  "You're starting to LOOK like a dove!"  [laugh]  Well, he's right. 

That's why we had gone to Walmart, to buy induction foods for us to eat.  Ron had fun hanging out in one department, pla…

Video Blog

Horrendously depressed today; but productive.

I did

A woman at work comitted suicide recently. 

Suicide is always a shock and horror to the "survivors".  I really wish I had never been that depressed, but I can offer a unique perspective. 

When suicidally depressed, the victim sees one way out = death.  It really doesn't matter what's good in their life, a child, religous faith, a spouse, money, or friends.  All they see is an unending world of pain; and more to come.  I told Ron once, "You could lay a dozen roses in my lap and tell me we won the lottery, and I'd still want to die". 

Nothing,  is worse than the thought of waking up tomorrow.  Nothing.  Even death is better, and in fact, preferable.  The thought of continued existence in the pain is just unthinkable. 

That said, I realized I did have choices.  I went to the hospital; and asked for help.  I got medication, took it, and improved.  I haven't been suicidal in years. 

If your depression is affecting your ability to live your life; if …

A profit, on me, for once

Boy, I'm tired.  Part of it: I had some pretty awful nightmares.  The one I remember had me being drugged, and raped, by a large, hairy, white man... more happened after the rape that was bad but not remembered.  The other one was worse, but happily I forgot it.  I don't always enjoy sleep even when I'm able to. 

[shudder]  So, when I woke up, gasping, at 4 AM Ron was already up.  He told me to go back to sleep, we'd go to work tomorrow. 

I went back to sleep and had another dream I slept until late afternoon, when I woke up it was 8 AM.  That's sleeping in, for me.  I knew I couldn't sleep any more so I got up. 

I did my God time, showered, ate, and took my pills.  I decided to run an errand.  I feel, someone needs a Bible.  I needed to mail it.  That means about a 2 hour trip to the Post Office, on the bus.  Happily it was not a large package to mail. 

I packed it, along with plenty of drinks, to go out.  I went to the Christian bookstore first, and looke…

Large women like you...

Last night I had some gastric troubles... got pretty dehydrated.  Thank  God that did not happen during the handout!  [shudder] 

I had a hard time falling asleep last night, and then up every half hour because I was thirsty, thirsty, thirsty.  Ah, well. 

Ron and I were a little grumbly this morning; went to work.  A lot of work to do; I recieved the Coke delivery and put that up, stocked, recieved deliveries, checked codes, you name it.  Whew! 

We still didn't do it all, and need to go back tomorrow. 

I'm still getting used to my new workboots, but I really like them.  For some reason, I was starving, all day. 

I left about at our pickup time.  Oh, no.  It was her. 

She is notorious.  She is one of those highly controlling people who wants you to be miserable and angry.  She kept doing things to bait me, turning the A/C up on high, asking "Are you cold?" in a phony voice, and then leaving it on. 

The driving... well.  It's a good thing I'm with Jesus. …

I'm Freelance

It was great. Each handout is unique, and has it's own special "moment".

I knew this one would be interesting: After running to the grocery store, and dropping some stuff at home (work supplies), Chuck would be dropping me at my corner, then taking Ron to the liquor store. Ron is tired of only buying 1 bottle of Vodka (half gallon) and a box of wine (5 liters), or just getting 2-3 bottles of vodka.

He and Chuck made plans to buy 6 bottles (3 gallons), and 2 wine boxes today, after dropping me for my handout. :twitch He plans to do this once a month now, so I guess he is drinking 3/4 gallon of vodka a week.

God's told me, not to be a shrieky hater. So I'm not. I just pray, hard, for him. He has a serious illness; I try to treat it like asthma.

So, went to the grocery store. Got soda for work. Came home. Put up the soda, started dragging out my Bibles. I had a tote bag, 2 milk crates, an insulated backpack style cold bag full of cold drinks, and an empty mesh b…

Bless this handout

Well, it's almost time for the handout.  I just need to eat, take my pills, and start hydrating. 

I emptied out my mesh backpack; I plan to buy a bag of ice and place it into the backpack, and wear it during the handout.  That should keep me nice and cool. 

Please take a minute to pray for God to send me hungry people, keep away the bad guys, and bless this handout.  Thanks!

I'm done with goodbyes

I've been in the habit, before a Bible handout, of writing a last post... because I suspect I will be martyred at some point. 

I'm done with goodbyes.  If you haven't met me, seen me, and known me, from 2 thousand some posts, not counting message boards and Facebook - you never will. 

I'm enjoying my life, and I have. 

I'm going to tell you about July 4th, 1992.  I used to love the 4th of July; my grandmother would come to visit when I lived on the East Coast, and we'd attend the fireworks show at a local school.  It was lovely.  I enjoyed the special attention from Grandma, good barbeque, and quality time with my family. 

A cross country move took care of visits from Grandma; I got her on Thanksgiving, instead.  My illness did a pretty good job of ruining pretty much every summer I had.  I would get horrendous summertime depressions. 

I had a whopper in July of 1992.  Ron and I had met, and were "sneaking around".  Well, would you let YOUR 17 ye…

The live puppy

The live puppy certainly made up for the dead kitten.  [scratching head]  Yeah, that's my day. 

I got up, did my God Time, and decided to go out and have some fun on the bus.  I scoff at the heat advisory!  I also brought a Powerade Zero - those things are good, nocarb, and really seem to actually hydrate. 

I took my stuff out, caught the bus around noon.  Got to McDonald's around 1.  [snort]  That's riding the bus. 

A cat, a few blocks over, had kittens.  When we go down that street I enjoy their antics.  The little gray and white one was particularly adorable.  It got hit by a car and lay in the street, dead... as I walked by.  Extremely depressing.  "God's little Garbagemen" (per Ron), the vultures, were already circling. 

Speaking of vultures, I drank a lot of fluid today, ensuring I was urinating, a lot, every hour or so.  I feel fine. 

Actually, I was pretty manic this morning, but I crashed around 2:30, necessitating a lithium tablet.  I was glad …


So, eventually I went to bed.  Ron fell on the floor repeatedly and made odd noises all night, waking me up. 

I asked God for a good quality of sleep, and I got it - amazingly.  As soon as I do my God time, pills, etc, I will be getting out of here. 

I would rather sit in 100 degree temps, full sun, and high humidity at the bus stop than endure... that again.  Or, justifications.

When I do...

Oh, I am furious.  I can't find my keys and cell phone. 

If I had them, I would have walked out of here and never come back.  Ron is just getting uglier and uglier. 

Yes, I am aware part of this is spiritual; but it would SURE BE NICE TO GO OUTSIDE WHEN HE'S CURSING ME.   But I couldn't because if I do that without my keys he locks me out.  Then tries to make me beg to come in again. 

I had a horrible headache when I came home, and I didn't want my cell phone to bug me when I was sleeping.  I can't find it, but when I do....

More ways than one

Ugh.  Nothing like being shouted at when I'm already depressed.  Well, I can do something about that; by taking my pills.  Which I did. 

I can stop drinking too much caffeine, although I don't have any reason to set my alarm clock.  What am I going to do, kiss Ron goodbye as he goes to the liquor store? 

I think, and I pray, and I come down to a couple of questions only God can answer:
1.  Am I really so prone to Idolatry, that God has to use this to keep my mind in the right spot?  Quite probably.  One thing I see again and again in the Old Testament (if you didn't know, I read my Bible daily), people turning from God, to idols.  I am not cherishing and valuing an inantimate object, but I do tend to look to Ron for my happiness and security. 

I read a great book recently, "Once an Arafat Man" by Tass Saada.  He says "An idol is anything apart from God that we depend on to be happy, fulfilled, or secure. When we think we must have a certain outcome to be…

is there anything...

I had to tell Ron, yet again, I would move out.  Verbal abuse.  I really enjoy how he is using bad-word synonyms for "promiscious".  I only had sex with him, and that makes me a whore?  Everything wrong in his life is my fault.  I have "Bounce" by Manafest turned up very, very, loud to drown out the drunken ravings. 

I don't see any way to even talk to him.  He is angry because I have dirty dishes in the sink.  If he would actually LISTEN, I could tell him, when I am depressed I am lucky to get into the shower, go to work, and do laundry.  I'm not able to do dishes. But no, if I even got to "depressed' he would start ranting.  He turns it into "God has saddled me with a broken [expletive].  Why do I have to have the broken cookie?"  Later on he would say, oh, yeah, he loved, me - but he would take any mention of my illness as a personal attack on him.  I forget what it is, but some personality disorder - I think narcissistic  - they can&…

Never Fails

I would never question someone's salvation.  It's not my place.  I do wonder, sometimes. 

The other day when Ron and I ran errands with our friend Chuck, he told Ron "No matter how negative you get, Heather stays positve".   He also told Ron he didn't deserve me, needed to treat me better, etc.  This, I got secondhand from Ron. 

Ron woke up in a bad mood and he was going to keep it.  He has asked me to wake him up 20 minutes before the pickup if he is not awake.  I did that, and got shouted at.  I will tell Ron, later, he has to get himself up.  I'm not getting yelled at again. 

He was angry that I couldn't fix his watch; the watch even a jeweler said he couldn't fix.  What am I?  Just because I can often fix a vending machine...

It culminated in Ron throwing a tantrum at the wholesale warehouse.  I told him, "OK, let me know when you're done.  You're only making yourself look bad." 

I am coming to the realization that my husban…