Showing posts from May, 2017

It's all red

I had a hard time getting up this morning but I did it.  I took my shower, ate my protein bar, and took some aspirin.  I had a headache. 

Not to freak out the guys, but I have noticed a hormonal component to my headaches.  Before I ovulate, I can eat anything.  Afterward, I am far more prone to headaches.  The headaches reach a crescendo right before I start my period and then it's back to eating anything I want.  Right now, that means I have about a 10 day window. 

I already ovulated so - and I find it so funny, my body is all "Let's make a BABY!" every month, and I'm, like, "No!" [grin].  I have to laugh at my biology.  This has happened hundreds of times, you think my body would get the point. 

Anyway, I can expect a lot more headaches. 

We went to work.  We rode with a man in a wheelchair who reeked of cigarette smoke.  It was awful, especially with my headache.  I reminded myself that smoking was probably the man's only pleasure. He was dre…

Sunday afternoon

I had today off. 

I slept in until 7:30, got up, fed the cats, watched a little Law & Order, took a shower, did my God Time, watched a little more TV.  I decided to shave my legs, so I wouldn't have to worry about it tomorrow.  I hate things like shaving my legs at 2 or 4 in the morning, and we get up pretty early for work, most days. 

I took a nap.  I had a hard time dropping off but next week looks to be busy.  My back muscle is still bothering me but I am, I hope, getting better.  It's nothing worse than what I did to myself during my weightlifting days.  Oh, I used to have horrible muscle pain when I did deadlifts, not during, but after.  Then, my butt, abs, and thighs would scream at me.  But I wanted to tone them up so I welcomed it. 

Once I cleanout the garage, I need to at least get back to some powerlifting.  It builds the most muscle for the least amount of time. 

So, I had a nap, it was pretty good.  I got up at 3.  It was thundering, we are supposed to have…

One "plus"

I pulled a muscle in my back, sometime in the last couple days (a lattimus dorsi), it's been bothering me off and on. 

Since I am normally eating aspirin for my headaches anyway, I didn't worry too much about it.  I got up and went to work as usual today. 

Well, I just took my shower, I will do my God Time later.  I didn't sleep well last night, etc.  But I got up, fed the cats, and did what needed doing. 

We went to the warehouse and Ron wanted 20 cases of drinks (soda and water).  I put them on the cart and selected my choices, paid, and waited for Jack.  I helped Jack load the truck, although I have to admit the "helper" did more in that department, that's why I tip him. 

Jack talked politics on the way to work.  It was awkward because we are polar opposites on the political spectrum.  I just made safe comments when I could and nodded a lot. 

We got to work and I had to clear off the carts.  My back did NOT like that.  I had to pick things up and put …

Buying cat food at Starbucks

I went to bed very early and actually woke up before the alarm.  I was exhausted, of course, but I woke up. 

I watched some TV, ate a protein bar, took my meds, took a shower, etc.  I fed the cats. 

Our ride came and we went to the Starbucks.  Ron had a hard time explaining it to the dispatcher when he called about our late ride "I need to get some cat food".  "At Starbucks?" 

The Starbucks is in a strip mall, along with the pet store.  I walk over and get the cat food. 

We went to the Kolache factory first and I got some cream cheese Kolaches.  I thought they would be Ok with my medication.  As it turns out, I was wrong, and got very queasy later. 

Then we went to Starbucks.  Ron got an iced latte with lots of splenda.  I left him near the bathroom while I went to the store. 

I harvested 3 bags of cat food, as planned.  I also got some all-meat cat treats.  I looked at the adorable rescue cats. 

I have to make a plea to you, if you have a pet.  Will you do …

The second flavor

I woke up today and took my shower.  Biscuit was sleeping on the loveseat where I do my God Time.  I chuckled at it and told God He would have to fix it if He wanted me to hang out with him, today.  A minute later Biscuit got down on the floor, and stayed there.

I did my God Time.  It had been a few days.  Things have been crazy lately, and I've been off and on depressed.   We had a good time, me and God. 

Then I gathered up the clothes and ran a load.  I had enough for 2 loads; I did the second load later. 

I had a good cuddle with Torbie.  She was so cute I took a photo for my adoptive Mom and she loved it.  She (Torbie) is lying by my feet right now, being cute.  She's a very sweet cat. 

I am constantly baffled how anyone could give her up, but I'm glad they did.  I'm just sorry she had to spend a month at the shelter before I got her. 

Boy, I had a lot of paperwork to fill out to get her, too.  Worth it. 

Ron woke up and we went out to eat.  We went to a local…

Just another day at the office

I blog for a lot of reasons.  I write because I hope I can encourage others in difficult relationships.  I write because I want to encourage sufferers, family, and friends of those with Fetal Alcohol and/or Bipolar disorder.  I write to encourage people with depression.  I write to encourage people who love an alcoholic.  I write to encourage people who are living with verbal abuse.  Who have to worry about "getting cornered" when "Honey" is in a bad mood. 

I write for all of that.  I also write for myself.  I did not have a standard childhood and standard relationships.  I did not/was not taught or allowed to learn, proper boundaries.  I have had to figure that all out by myself. 

But sometimes things that seem so horrific to an outsider, are, to me, "Just another day at the office".  A good example is the other day, with Ron, at the bank. 

I thought it was pretty bad, but, all things considered, it wasn't that far outside the norm for Ron.  There&…

No vodka for 10 days

Well, when Ron checked his bank account he found a $100 credit, so apparently they caught, and fixed, the problem.  Good. 

We needed the money. 

First, though, we had to get a 5:30 pickup for work this morning.  I did my shower, but not my God Time.  I was too tired.  Still am. 

Always, always, tired.  I think that's the thing I hate most about my medication. I get up from sleeping 12 hours and feel like I could sleep another 12.  At least the depression crawled off. 

We got to work and I did some stocking before our repairman arrived.  He showed up.  In my mind, he always wears a superhero cape.  He came in and disassembled the coin acceptance unit, found the dime, and reassembled it.  Then he filled it up, and filled the change bank as well.  He tested it with bills, and coins.  It worked.  Thank God.  I watched people use it after he left and it continued to work. 

We talked about the coffee machine.  We need to get some valves because the water at work is corrosive to the…

"I should beat you" - or why do I always have bad Tuesdays?

It was a tough day.  I got up, got ready, took a shower, did all that, and off we went. 

We went to the warehouse to buy some Sprite, and Lipton canned tea.  Ron wanted to get a water, too, but I told him we wouldn't have room for it on paratransit. 

We had to wait an hour between getting dropped off, and getting picked up, from the warehouse.  I drank some diet caffeine free soda they had on their soda fountain (of course I paid for it), and we waited. 

We were going to work, said the plan, and then going to the bank.  After we went to the bank we would go home and then we'd go to Burger King, a few hours after that. 

Ah, plans. 

We went to work.  Things went well for an hour until a regular customer confronted me about "problems" with the bottled vendor.  I opened it up to find a horrific coin jam.  I got my tools.  There was one part on the top I could remove, when I did coins cascaded all over the floor.  I picked them up, thinking I should leave them so peo…


Sometimes I sit in front of my computer, thinking "No one wants to hear about my day".  It is, I think, "boring".  Then I look at my stats.  Well, someone does.  I try to write as though I don't know how many people are reading, though. 

(Actual readership is down lately, but I try not to take it personally). 

I got up early, fed the cats, and took my shower.  I did my God Time later.  I got dressed, made sure Ron was presentable, and got ready for work. 

Ron has vitiligo (lack of pigmentation) on his head, and those areas burned pretty badly last week.  He even had blisters, unheard of for a black man of any complexion.  He's been wearing a hat to hide the damage. 

We left and got stuck with "the teacher".  She was wearing a musty-smelling perfume that reminded me of something dragged out of a grandmother's basement.  It wasn't pleasant.  When I moved up to her seat after she got to her destination, it got on me.  She must have spraye…

Our mothers (Ron's and mine)

Normally I get angry/frustrated/sad when I wake up and find Ron totally drunk, slumped in his wheelchair in the kitchen, at 7:30 in the morning.  I find it pathetic and sad. 

But it's mother's day. 

Now, you have, by now heard a lot about my own mother situation.  My birth mother planned my pregnancy after losing my infant brother, to meningitis.  They carefully planned intercourse, used a thermometer, logged her periods, etc. 

She got pregnant.  With me.  Then she began (or continued, I don't know) binge-drinking every day, at least a fifth a day, 750 ml a day of the hard stuff.  She gave birth.  I was induced, and a couple days overdue. 

I'm sure that wasn't a pleasant delivery.  I have heard those induction hormones are pretty harsh.  So, I'm born.  She neglected me so severely that child services got involved and they gave my Dad custody in the 70's, when fathers never got custody.   It took me years to catch up on the growth charts. 

For today'…

1.5 days in one, again.

I'm tired, and depressed, so I'll keep this one short. 

Yesterday, after I did my blog, I did my God Time and shower.  I took a short nap and then we went to Sam's Club.  Sam's Club was chaos.  Screaming children, long lines, etc.  I think it went back to Mother's Day. 

We got 3 cases of water and came home, put them in the garage, and went to bed.  The #6 kids were a little loud last night playing, but I got to sleep in pretty decent time. 

My alarm went off at 1:45 AM.  Soda delivery day.  I tried to reset it for 2:30 but ended up turning it off.  I woke up at 3:30.  Oops.  I barely had time to dress before our ride arrived. 

We got to work, did it all, stocked, did our inventory, and got our delivery.  We paid cash and off we went. 

We came home and I got a good long nap.  Then, for whatever reason, Ron had made a trip to Walmart.  I went. 

Again, with the screaming children and the long lines.  I really prefer to shop in the morning. 

I got cat litter, s…

Depressed again

Aaaand, there's the depression.  Oh, I hate it. 

Years ago, I told my aunt I had fallen into a deep depression after a visit to my sister (the hoarder).  My aunt tried to tell me that it was normal to "get a little sad" after a visit with family, not to worry, I'd get over it.  I knew it was worse than that. 

My depressions, as a rule, are not dependent on current events.  My mugging and some of Ron's blackouts nonwithstanding.  Those have triggered depressions.  I had such a nice mania going, too, when I got mugged, but I remind myself I did beat him up and he didn't get anything of value either. 

So, depressed.  I've been having post-traumatic nightmares, too.  Issues, issues, issues. 

I am probably in need of good therapy (I hear you laughing, over there), but doubt I could find a quality therapist, who's a believer, who is accessible to me getting there by myself. 

So, yesterday was pretty quiet.  I slept in until 8, got up, did my shower and…

A trip to Galveston

I'm going to try to post a photo.  It is recent.  Sorry about my hair, Galveston is pretty breezy. 

Good, it worked. 

So, we got up, went to work yesterday.  We stocked and made sure everything looked good, then went outside with our small duffel bag (Ron wanted to bring some stuff, like his back massager and his digital talking book machine). 

I was happy with everything I brought, but I plan to add a nightlight to the list. 

Mom and Dad showed up, we hugged, I threw the wheelchair in the trunk.  It fit nicely with their luggage (a rolling suitcase and a backpack), and our duffel bag. 

I brought them drinks from the bottled vendor. 

We rode down to Galveston and got there pretty quick.  Now, contrast that to traveling with public transit.  Get downtown somehow, buy a ticket to Galveston, ride the Greyhound (actually I think it is Kerrville transit) to the bus station in Galveston (actually a gas station), catch a cab to the hotel. 

Mom wanted to do "something fun"…

Mexican mother's day?

Well, I wasn't going to write another blog this morning....but. 

#6 had a loud party until 11 PM last night.  On a weeknight.  Rude, rude, rude. 

I think it might have been "Mexican mother's day" or something, all I know is I couldn't get to sleep until after 11, and I had to get up at 5.  That's not good. 

Mom likes to take photos when she's here.  I will have bags under my eyes.  Ugh.

Writing blogs in my head

So, my parents came to visit. 

Last night I had a crippling migraine.  I was able to go out to eat with Ron, but I took a Phenergan and crawled into bed the minute I got home. 

I have lived here for about 13 years, and I have always thanked God that #6 never had "playtime" while I had a migraine.  Well, my "luck" ran out. 

I lay there in bed, trying desperately not to vomit (I hate paying for food and then sicking it up again), just desperately wishing for it to be over.  I didn't get any of my planned cleaning done. 

Today, I woke up with a moderate headache, not too bad but I didn't dare take my antidepressant.  Great.  No meds, parents in town.  Oh, boy. 

I did what cleaning I could, cleaned the cobwebs (I told you I was a bad housekeeper) out of the corners of a couple rooms, sprayed some carpet cleaner where Biscuit had puked, and scrubbed the toilet.  I took a shower afterwards (why take a shower and then get all sweaty cleaning?) and drank anoth…

The money pit

I've been getting a lot of headaches lately.  And a nasty, bitter, taste in my mouth.  Ugh. 

Yesterday we got up and went to work.  I checked on the newly repaired coffee machine "Water Tank Leak, out of service".  [bad word] 

So, we paid another $100 to get that fixed.  I swear, a coffee vending machine is a money pit.   If you're in vending, don't buy one, no matter how good a deal, unless it is mandated in your contract. 

It is, mandated, in our contract. 

We stocked everything and paid for our case of coffee cups (another hundred dollars, so $250 spent in one week, on the coffee machine, and in a good month it only makes $400).  We stocked everything else, happily they all were working. 

We made our inventory list and went home.  I took a nap.  I forget what - we worked on the monthly report, filed it, and then today we mailed the check so we are All Done with that for another month. 

Then I went to bed early.  I was exhausted.  I had nightmares about t…

There will be a next time

Well, we went to the BBQ place, got the ribs, and went to the dentist.  They were happy to get the ribs but the dentist said he couldn't eat them. 

When queried, he did say he was open to the idea of BBQ chicken.  So we can bring that next time. 

And there will be a next time.  Ron broke a crown, at the post, the whole crown, some tooth, and half the post came out.  That will be about $900 to fix. 


They did that crown back in 2004 so it had a pretty good life, but I am so sick of taking Ron to the dentist.  They are all nice people, particularly the dentist, but I am just tired of it. 

Afterward we went to Walmart and bought another fan for the house.  They help keep the electric bill down.  I bought a gift bag for Mom's present (not expensive) some soda, and a few bags of Queso chips.  I really like them.  These are the one ounce bags. 

When Ron asked me what he did last night, I said I was done telling him.  I did tell him 2 things he did that were safety hazard…

"You're addicted to Ron"

Recently Chuck told me something that deeply upset me.  We were talking about addiction, and he said I am "addicted to Ron".  I didn't argue with him but I knew better. 

I have never been addicted to Ron.  Back when we first got together, I couldn't afford to live on my own, so I was forced to accept some unspeakable behavior (cheating, verbal, and physical abuse).  I had no where else to go, it seemed, so I endured. 

After we came to Texas, we had a brief window where I was the breadwinner.  Ron made a total 180 change (by the way, when I moved to Texas I planned to have him "follow" me a few weeks later, and then contact him and tell him not to come.  I think he guessed that because he quit his job before I left, and came with me).  All of a sudden, Ron wasn't drinking, he was polite, he wasn't cheating, he was not verbally abusive. 

Then he went to Austin to start his business program.  I used to visit him every weekend because he wanted the c…

She left him sitting in the middle of the street

What a bitch. 

We had a ride to Walmart today.  I had to get some things before my family comes to visit. 

The driver was half an hour late when she did show up, and had a massive attitude.  I told Ron there would not be room for him in the backseat, and he would have to ride in the wheelchair compartment.  He was fine with that. 

I left him sitting on the curb and got into the vehicle.  The driver got out, all upset that I had gotten into the vehicle, and demanded to see Ron's "ID" before he boarded.  He mentioned she was a half hour late.  She started yelling and accusing Ron of getting ugly.  Ron said he was fine, he just wanted to go to Walmart.

She got a very nasty attitude, telling Ron he had to line up with the wheelchair ramp, because "She wasn't moving him".  Ron replied "Lady, I'm blind.  What do you want me to do?" 

That was it for her, she started screaming she couldn't take this anymore, etc.  She left Ron sitting in the m…

Ron always wins

Last night, I awoke to a crippling gallbladder attack.  The pain was incredible.  I flipped from side to side, trying to escape it.  I finally lay down on my left side, which helped (the gallbladder is on the right).  Eventually, I fell back asleep. 

I haven't had a serious gallbladder attack since 2009.  I had two trips to the emergency room, both times they said they couldn't find any stones, and I was stuck with some horrific bills.  I wasn't eager to go get it checked out again, knowing it would just cost me more money and again, no answers. 

Even if they said it had to come out, I would have to take time off of work, time I can't afford.  So, I will just ask God to keep me healthy and try to eat a balanced diet. 

After all that, I overslept, waking up about a half hour before our pickup, when Ron's alarm went off.  No shower for me.  I fixed myself up as best I could and hoped it was good enough. 

We were supposed to meet the repairman, who was fixing 3 of…