Ace was a little late

 But he came.  At work getting ready to start.  Tired, depressed, unmotivated but I will give them a good day's work.

It should be slow as it is forecast to rain all day.  That's it for now.

Today should be interesting

 I don't think the (admitted, poorly managed) bipolar co worker is coming in today based on the way they scheduled me but we will see.  I am very careful what I say and do around her.  

They have me down for 10-7 which is a long day.  Weather forecast had heavy rain going to work so I arranged a ride, can't do that every time but the long day plus the weather qualified in my book.  I am bringing a good lunch like what I brought yesterday so that should hold me.  I will buy drinks at work.  

I also brought my future cell phone holder which is mainly a skein of yarn, a few rows of work, a crochet hook and some scissors.  Hoping I can get some progress on it.  I have a holder I'm using now but it's older.  

I still have a couple things I need to do so I'm going to go now.  

Made it to work

 Uneventful just the way I like.

When I was getting off the last bus he used the kneeler feature to make it easier for me.  I said "Oh, I'm not crippled, this is for Bad Dogs". 

He laughed and said "Plenty of them out here" and we both knew he wasn't talking canines.  We had a good laugh and I went on my way.

It has a 100% chance of rain tomorrow so I will probably pay for a ride in to work.

That's it for now!

I didn't sleep well last night

 Dad does movie night on Tuesdays with his friends and last night ran late so he called around 8.  Then I just kept waking up, to use the bathroom, thirsty, etc.  I didn't get much sleep.  

I am also having digestive issues adding all the fruit and veggies into my diet, my poor gut doesn't know what to do.  I am taking probiotics, though, and adding yogurt to my breakfast shake as well.  

I got up late and managed to get almost everything done.  Cleo was in my "God Time" chair and looked so cute I didn't have the heart to move her.  

Biscuit was an awesome, cuddly, boy last night in the bed.  He is just perfect for me.  I don't need an adorable, frisky, little guy I want a big fat lump to sleep with me.  And that's what I get.  

I took my watch off Monday and couldn't remember where I'd put it, for a while, but I did find it after asking God for help.  I bought a 10 pack of cheap watches with an Amazon gift card last Christmas and they lasted pretty well.  I have them on my wish list and plan to buy them if I don't get them.  

My heater keeps running it must be cold out.  That's good when it comes to the chocolate I bought Monday, to hand out.  I won't have to worry about it melting today.  

Still moderately depressed but I had my lunch all ready to go in the fridge, that made it a lot easier.  I just threw a couple containers and some cold packs in my lunch box and good to go.  

That's it for now.  

Tuesday night

 I am pretty happy, I had a good nap with the cats, then sat outside in the sun in a tank top and sweatpants with the legs pushed up, crocheting a new phone case, for an hour.  I have seasonal sunlight issues I do really badly if it is dark and overcast for extended periods like recently.  I came inside and cut up cheese and fruit for my lunches the next couple days.  

I went with Gouda, Brie, 2 kinds of cheddar, apple, guava (one per serving), and 1/4 pomegranate per "box" and then put it all in the fridge.  That's 4 lunches.  I also cut up some nice cheese bread I bought and have that with it, too.  I hate figuring out lunch at 3 AM.  

I just need to sweep.  

Here's what I've done for the house so far.  I have decided I like a Santa hat on the tree been doing it for a few years now.  

I did sweep and I even had a big salad with my dinner.  I am actually happy having a weekday off maybe it's a widow thing, all days are pretty much the same (except Sunday = church) but this was nice and quiet.  

That's it for now.  

Tuesday morning

 It wasn't bad at work yesterday, it was slow, the difficult boss was off, I only worked five and a half hours.  

Now, I signed an agreement not to disclose anything unflattering about the corporation or customers but that doesn't apply today.  

Of the 3 grocery stores I went to this week, only mine had the fancy cheese I wanted.  So I got some Brie, smoked Gouda, and fancy extra sharp Cheddar on my way home.  Then I thought, I pass by the budget grocery store on the way home (advantage of living in the big city) so I might as well step in and get the frozen fruit I forgot Sunday.  

I did that.  I passed the Husky House as I call it (on the other side of the street!) and felt pretty confident as I strode down the street with my stick.  Then I saw the huge, brown, pit bull race across the street in front of me, from my left to right, running up the cross street away from me.  

Holy crap!  WHAT IS IT WITH THE DOGS ALREADY?  

I personally am leaning to the spiritual warfare aspect, that the Devil knows I am afraid of dogs and is using large, aggressive, dogs to menace me.  Although this was more intent on fun up the cross street than it was in bothering me.  

STILL scared the crap out of me and you can bet I was fast stepping it home!  Happy to shut that door behind me!  

I put my stuff away, called my aunt, called my parents, went to bed.  That is pretty much my life these days.  Work, home, bed.  The cats were good.  

From what I've seen, they do a lot of this when I'm working:

Spotty lower left, Biscuit center, Cleo lower right.  

I still have the allergy cough so I started using my nasal spray in addition to the allergy pill.  I find it embarrassing.  

That's it for now; it's a day off so I should post later.  

I have been sleeping pretty well

 I am a little worried about that dog though going to and from work.  

I don't live in an isolated area, though, so someone would come to help.  There is usually at least one car in front of the dog's house.  

It is cold out so I am wearing long underwear today.  I will also wear my wool hat and parka to the bus stop.  

I probably should have had a hot breakfast instead of a smoothie but lesson learned!  

The cats are rubbing all over me I am going to reek of cats walking down that street!  

That's it for now.  

Grocery store trip was uneventful

 Except for a lack of fancy cheese and the manic homeless man on the bus.  He got very excited when he saw my stick and started waving his arms madly and doing karate chops.  I was glad I was between him and the stick.  

When I got off the bus I had to laugh at my mission field.  

Sunday morning

 I couldn't find my stick yesterday.  I worried I had left it in my shopping cart when I went home but as it turns out I left it in the break room.  Ace took me to work so no problems there.  

Work was very busy, my boss took me off my primary job and had me on something else most of the day.  I didn't mind but my coworkers did; I guess that's a statement they like me doing my job.  Normally I give the one girl a break but did not (boss wouldn't let me).  Last week this girl took a half hour break and I think the boss noticed, as the boss gave the break yesterday.  And you can bet she came back on time!  

One thing I didn't like, and I have considered her a friend, the Bible says not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers and she came in an hour early with someone who is NOT a friend of Jesus and spent an hour walking around the store with them.  They both also gossip tremendously so I am sure that was happening as well.  

Which is why I put nothing on the Facebook I wouldn't want the world to know about; because, sure as the sunrise, anything I tell this woman "in confidence" will go right back out to the world.  

At any rate I had a fine day considering.  I came home on the bus.  I was resentful standing at the bus stop, wanting to sit down, but thinking about all the times I know of I have seen feces, blood, etc. smeared all over bus stop seats and how I would rather sit on the ground - but, guess what?  They do all that on the ground, too, so I had to stand after a long day on my feet.  The bus driver was surprised at the candy but happy to take it.  

I was able to listen to some music on the way home that helped. I always use headphones.  I didn't have a long layover between buses so that was nice.  

My last bus ride, about 5 stops from the house, I got up as the bus driver swerved to avoid a pothole and hit it anyway.  So the bus took a big dip and then bounced as it jerked to the side.  And I wasn't holding on to anything so I went flying and I felt a wrench in my lower back.  I could still move OK so I figured I would go home and see how I felt today.  I was home by 6.  

When I got home I took a handful of ginger root capsules (anti-inflammatory) and 2 naproxen (the OTC kind) hoping that would help my back.  

I talked to Mom and Dad, turns out she was just tired from driving yesterday.  They didn't talk long other than to say I shouldn't go to church as I am still coughing, etc.  

I went to bed early.  

When I woke up my back was great.  So God was very merciful in sparing me whatever would have likely happened.  It was a bad wrench I should be stuck in bed today and unable to work for weeks.  But I'm fine, Praise Him!  

I will take some more ginger root but I don't think I need more Naproxen.  Moral of the story, don't get up when the bus is moving.  

So, the homewrecker thing.  This is deeply humiliating for me but bears sharing and I think sheds quite a light on my relationship with Ron.  

When I met him we were both in a job training program, me for special needs teens and him for special needs adults.  He was "only" blind back then.  I had the FAS (newly diagnosed but didn't know the label) and "depression".  

They put us on registers next to each other I think because all the kitchen staff at the restaurant spoke Spanish.  And blind men in fast food kitchen would be just really bad.  Plus he had cash register experience.  

After training me they put me next to him, I could help him out, we were both outgoing people.  We hit it off immediately and started dating within a week.  

He would talk about a female friend, C, now and then.  Ron's girlfriend had left him to go live with C's husband so they had a bond.  I thought that was cool.  He assured me they were friendly only.  I believed him.  

Ron said now and then she didn't approve of our relationship because C had a teenage daughter and there was obviously some subtext going even I could catch but I didn't know what.  At any rate she rose above all that and went above and beyond to be nice to me.  

It was only 8 years later, as we were moving from CA, that Ron told me he and C began an affair after their mutual breakups and he had been actively involved with her when he met me, but of course I swept him away...[rolleyes] True love and all that.  

It explained the cheating, I think.  He cheated with me, he'd cheat on me.  To my credit I did not know of a relationship.  But I broke it up.  

Now I have to go back even farther.  When I moved to CA I didn't fit in because I was weird!  I was a bookworm reading science fiction all day and mentally ill to boot.  I met another outlier named John and we became friends, talked a lot.  We had some things in common and talked a lot on the phone.  

I believe he also has FAS.  

He had a very annoying habit.  He would get distracted by the TV when talking to me and put the phone down, forget me.  He probably has the inattentive ADD.  After a few years he decided he loved me and pressured me into a relationship.  

I went along because what 13 year old doesn't want a boyfriend?  We didn't do much more than some making out in the bushes at the park one time.  But he would make comments now and then.   

One thing I found, still do, find deeply concerning.  He liked to take me to the movies.  This time we went to Beetlejuice.  He kept talking after how great it would be if we were dead we could stay together forever.  

And every alarm bell I had went off like a klaxon.  So I broke up with him (not then and there).  I am ashamed to admit I would break it off, start it up when I got lonely, break it off again.  We didn't do much other than a little kissing and the one time I already mentioned.  

But he was even stranger than me and that was saying a lot.  When I moved out I did not tell John my plans.  

Years later after Ron had cheated on me I decided to look John up and see how he was doing (terrible).  He was still living with his parents, had gained about 100 pounds, been fired from McDonald's, you get the idea.  

Ron was always very threatened by John and would make comments like "Your old flame" etc. and act very jealous.  I was curious and hoping to rekindle FRIENDSHIP only.  What we had when we were 11 and could talk about the unfairness of the world.  I never did.  

So enter a few years later John calls me up says he met a girl and got married, would like me to meet her.  Great!  I was very happy for him.  

I picked a date at random and we met at the train station (my county had commuter trains).  She remarked she was missing a very popular concert for this and John reminded her she could have gone.  We hung out at a arts and crafts fair for a while, got something to eat.  John leans across the table during the conversation at one point (I always put the "Ron is wonderful" image out to John), took my hand in his, and said "Heather, you're the only woman I've ever loved".  

I reminded John his wife was right there.  "Oh, she knows".  Oh, crap.  No wonder she seemed so resentful all day.  When I moved I did not tell him.  

He found me online somehow about 18 years ago and sent me a letter, said he had looked me up on the property tax database and saw I had 2 bedrooms, he had been homeless for a few years and looking for a place to stay, etc.   I wrote him back and said no that was the last I heard.  

So I guess that's 2x.  Oh, and John's marriage broke up.  Not directly because of me although I may have been a factor.  

I hope he doesn't find the blog!  

That's it for now, I'm going to take a shower and get some groceries.  

Making a note

 Heather the Home wrecker post c and j.  

I will do this later these are old stories.

Saturday morning

 Short version it was very busy yesterday when I walked in at 12:30.  I got my cold medicine, cough drops, protein powder, drinks and went and hid in the breakroom until 2.  

Then I did the zone.  The grocery aisles were surprisingly trashed considering everyone had leftovers at home.  

I started my job, busy to start.  When I got my lunch I did a little shopping and found some Black Friday deals left which I got, about $40 worth.  I needed slippers, wanted slipper socks as well and some PJ pants.  

By around 9 PM it had slowed down to about a typical Friday night.  Since I worked 2-10 I took a second break, and came home with Ace.  

The cats were happy to see me.  I forgot to turn on the tree.  I talked to Dad who was evasive.  I think Mom is sick he said "they would talk to me today about what happened yesterday because I had a long day and had to get up early".  Also Mom had texted me hours earlier asking me to call Dad instead.  

She may have had a diverticulitis flare.  That would be my #1 guess.  

I slept pretty well and need to take a shower.  

That's done.  I am drinking my protein shake.  

I would like to get festive today but my boss had a major loss this year and I recently heard her say she wasn't in the Christmas spirit, also she went off on me the one day I did wear a Santa hat.  So I will just be festive at home this year.  

I am ready to go; Ace should be here in about 10-15 minutes.  

That's it for now.  

Found some good deals

 On my lunch.  Got some slippers which I really needed.  Also some pj pants which I also needed.  At $5 I thought it was worth it.  

The company bought cases and cases of energy drinks and put them in the break room for us.  I had 2.  Drinks, not cases!

It's been busy but my difficult boss went home at 3 so could be worse.

I plan to take a shower tonight so I can sleep in later tomorrow.  

I am missing the cats 

Phone is behaving, especially for work app which is wonderful.

That's it for now!

Crazy already at work

 But it's early yet 

Talked to Ace, we are ON for tonight and tomorrow morning even though I don't recall setting it up.

Ride to work was a little rough the last driver was ready to walk off the job 

When I got here I got my whey protein and cold/cough remedies.  Some cough drops too I should be set for a while.

Boss was on her lunch when I came in the break room so maybe home at 4?  Her,I mean.

I go home at 10.  I did get my Merry Christmas door wrap up before I left today.

That's it for now.

And $8, really?  I spend that on bath soap every month I like the good stuff.

Black Friday Morning

 I slept OK last night.  I think a lot of my runny nose and coughing is coming from allergies.  Thinking that, I took an allergy pill this morning.  We will see if it helps.  I am in very close contact with the cats at home.  

Unfortunately I do have to take the antidepressant which I think kicks of Dry Mouth Armegeddon when taken with the allergy pill.  Oh well.  More important to manage symptoms today.  

My cough/runny nose has been a lot better so I may just have to do this for a while.  

Still having my cycle but not terrible.  I will wear the period underwear with my cup that should cover any mishaps.  

Depressed, not looking forward to work but I need to go.  I did up my budget and it is not as bad as I feared which is great.  So I can buy a lunch at work today, for instance.  

I still need to get dressed and do my candy up but I have done the shower and God time.  

That's it for now!  

So do I tell the truth?

 Or do I post some sugary feel good crap?  

I took my antidepressant it being a Thanksgiving alone without my husband or aunt.  I really miss holidays with her family kids running around, etc.  Talking about how Ron always wanted his "plate" in a ziplock bits of turkey, dressing, green beans, gravy all mixed up in a hash.  Then when I got home he would eat it out of the bag with his bare hand.  It was (I felt) cute to watch him enjoy his food.  

But it's just me and the cats so I took my pills, ate a couple bananas for breakfast, tried to figure out my cell phone (props to Motorola for trying to make it easy).  

I do wish I had been able to do the Handout but I'm still sick and I don't want to give someone a nasty cold.  Or if they have an underlying condition it could be worse.  

I forgot to tell you.  Yesterday two manic young women, about 16, got on the bus.  They were running wild all over the bus and a young black man in the back was flirting with them.  They put on a little show for him and I could hear him making approval noises sitting behind me.  He asked where they were going and they said to buy drugs.  

Yeah.  

He said oh let me help you out then and he gave them a $20 and told them he always buys his drugs at Imperial Valley and Greens road.  

That was where I've been working all summer.  Good to know I was in the right spot!  Did alright, too!  

I was preoccupied with my dead phone but that did catch my attention.  

I also started my cycle yesterday but it hasn't been bad, and the way my body works if it's going to be bad Day 2 (today) is it.  

The cold is still hanging on, a lot of post nasal drainage and coughing, but last weekend it looked/felt like I was working on a sinus problem so I am happy to have it doing this instead.  I feel bad for people around me when I'm coughing though.  

I don't feel up for cooking so I need to figure out what I'm doing for dinner.  

"Keep on Loving you" just came up on Youtube.  Which brings the question would I ever find a man to love me at MY worst?  Which can be pretty bad....doubtful.  

At any rate I am doing laundry and going to see what is a marathon on TV.  

I will try to put up a Biscuit video (with a little bonus Cleo and Spotty footage) if I can figure it out.  

It's not letting me post, sorry.  

So work yesterday was crazy

 And I had sworn to myself I was going straight home after work.  It was a tough day and exacerbated by the fact I couldn't wash my hands all day with the cut finger and the bandage.  I couldn't wait to log out of the app on my cell phone and run out of there.  

What I needed, I thought, as I got on the "early" bus (running late enough I caught it), was some music.  So I pulled out my cell phone.  And it was dead.  I tried everything as I rode down the road.  Dead.  I did manage to get a text off to Dad that my phone was acting up.  

I call Dad at set times every night so I didn't want him worried.  Especially after I have been talking about homeless issues and bad dogs.  So Dad was covered.  

But oh crap that meant I had to go to the cell phone store the day before Thanksgiving at 5 PM.  It was as crazy as I expected.  It took me an hour but I got a new phone.  

The clerk was very honest.  He said he had a cheaper phone but it wasn't very good.  So I went with the Motorola G Play.  So far I am very impressed it was a VERY easy setup (work app was totally easy, logging in with my Google account, and Carb manager), and the audio quality - the voices I hear, are fantastic.  I hope I sound as good!  The phone was made a month ago as well and has 32 gigs which should be plenty for now.  I got a pretty flowered case.  

Then I had to get home.  It was pitch black and the parking lot was a mess.  But I did it.  The neighbors were cooking delicious foods I could smell them as I walked home.  

The cats were happy to see me even though it was almost 8.  I called Dad and told him about my day, heard about his.  Then I went to bed.  

I slept in as late as I could which turned out to be around 8 AM.  It was a wonderful pile of me, cats, blankets.  

If I ever remarry I am going to need a bigger bed because the cats occupy a lot of space and of course they will be sleeping with us.  Assuming I remarry which I find unlikely, I am disabled, I have baggage, I am also a terrible housekeeper which is very important to most men.  

Anyway that's it for now.  

Edit to add, when I did get home I wished I had a man to help me take the load off, to meet, me, take my coat, how was your day?  I sat on the couch and Biscuit came running over, purring, got in my lap and began kneading me.  Even better!  

Had a minor problem

 Sliced my finger on some cardboard, it bled a while.  It did stop bleeding and doesn't need stitches so I didn't make a report.  I did get some bandaids for it from the first aid kit.

Other than that the day has been fine.  I'm just tired and wondering if the neighbors will let me sleep tonight and tomorrow.

Thinking about Biscuit, so fat and cute, on the couch this morning.

That's it for now.

Pretty good news

 I only have to deal with mean boss for one hour today.  That, sadly, makes the day a lot better.

The other one is so much nicer.  Still gets it all done, though.

Made it to break.

For some reason I am just dreading work today

 I know it will be crazy.  I did have a good protein shake with tropical fruit, whey, milk, and yogurt so I have lots of energy.

I think yesterday just took a lot out of me.  It shouldn't be too bad if I can just make it to Tuesday.

I plan to buy lunch from the deli hopefully that will not be a mistake.  

Cold symptoms bad enough I took a pill.  Lots of drainage but at least no sinus trouble.  I also took some oregano oil and vitamins this morning.

That's it for now.

More later.

Yesterday was very hard

 Left the house at 5 got to work at 7.  Started at 9.  Worked until 4.  

The 4:30 bus was late and I didn't get to the grocery store until well after 6.  I got picked up at 7:15 and had everything put up, fridge and freezer cleaned out, etc. by 7:45.  Biscuit was not happy I was late.  

Called Dad but "busy" and couldn't talk so I went to bed.  Up at 3.  

Today I am coming home after work.  It should be very busy at work.  

Also my cycle is due (I can tell by the bloating) sometime soon so that will be fun.  I have the cup and a cloth pad locked and loaded for that, also backup tampons in my vest.  

I am feeling better but still have drainage and some coughing so I won't be doing the Handout tomorrow.  Still have to work though.  

It was remarkable how many people at the grocery store were hacking and sniffling.  This cold is ALL over Houston!  

That's it for now.  

Made it to lunch!

 Ace is going to meet me at the local grocery store after work.  

Another good trip to work

 No dog issues, or any other issues, for that matter.  I have plenty of candy.  Got money for rides out of the ATM.

Yesterday boss was talking about taking today off, we will see?

Had a headache on the bus but I took something for it.  Nose is running somewhat but that is much better than the sinus infection I was working on last weekend.

I need to call Ace on my break and see about a trip to the grocery store tonight.

That's it for now!

Tuesday morning

 I thought it would suck having to take my lunch early; it did not.  I did realize my job is pretty quiet the hour I generally do go to lunch, though.  

The grocery zone (cleanup) was another matter though that was insane, customers asking me a million questions, my area an utter mess (who feeds their kid Gushers candy for Thanksgiving?).  I kept getting congested again when my cold medicine wore off so I kept taking it.  

And boy, by the time I left I was flying high on cold medicine.  It was embarrassing.  But I got home OK and didn't make too big an ass out of myself.  When I realized I was talking too much to the bus driver I went in the back and listened to my music for a while.  

And an interesting development: a man got off the bus the same time I did and I let him go ahead.  He walked on the side of the street right next to the bad dog's house and it didn't bark, come out, anything.  If they still have it, it is definitely well confined.  That was encouraging.  

I will need another couple passes (on the OTHER side of the street!) before I feel safe again but I do feel better having seen that.  It is very windy this morning so I'm a little concerned it might get out but other than that I feel much better about my commute.  I still plan to bring my stick every day.  

Funny note, yesterday I told you about my "coach" he is above my team lead so pretty high up the store management.  He saw me leaving with my stick yesterday and his eyes bugged out, I could tell he was thinking I had been injured or was now physically disabled in some way.  I reassured him "This if for bad dogs on my route (to work)" and he smiled and nodded.  

I couldn't take my medicine Sunday because I was vomiting so I was pretty hyper when I got home.  I wanted to drink my protein shake, take my medicine, give it time to kick in and then talk to my parents (so I wouldn't make them nervous) but they were going out to dinner with my brother and his family.  So I talked to them anyway, then went to bed about 6:30.  I had a little trouble dropping off but I figured (correctly) just lying down would help.  And I did drop off after about 20 minutes and slept pretty well all night - I only woke up once. 

No regrets on that.  Interestingly enough I will only need 3 rides this pay period two of them Friday and Saturday.  One today if I can arrange it.  

When I woke up I could hear the wind blowing so it's going to be nasty out there.  I found my long underwear and laid it out next to my jeans to wear later.  I am doing a rinse cycle on my laundry, I like to rinse the towels with some vinegar it gets the detergent out.  

I need to take my shower.  Did that.  

I have the sweetest cats, I love them so.  They could not be any cuter.  I did find it telling, when my sinuses were bothering me Sunday and Monday, the research I did said "avoid allergens" and I am of course allergic to cats.  What did I do all day Sunday?  Sleep with the cats.  May not have helped my sinuses but it did help my overall health.  

I did up a fair amount of candy for the day, I hope to go to the local grocery store after work and then have Ace bring me home after I'm done shopping.  I don't want to go tomorrow, that's for sure.  

I still don't feel 100% so I don't know what I'm doing Thursday.  I do know I am probably still contagious so I won't be doing a Handout.  

That's it for now.  

Boss told me to take my lunch early

 So I did.  Not very hungry.  Not sure if it is the cold or the cold meds.  But I will take my leftover chicken strip home to Cleo.  She's a girl who likes to eat!

I have a thing about saying it is quiet but it is raining so not crazy.

The rain should pass by the time I go home, I hope.

Mood is OK.  Bible study this morning on the cheerful heart being good medicine.  

That's it for now.

I made it to work

 I took my shower last night so I could sleep in later today.  I will do that again tonight.

Biscuit is so cuddly it is hard to leave him, but I tore myself away.  The only dog I saw was a small, leashed, "yapper" type that always growls at me.  I think he smells the cats, probably not neutered either.  His owner scolded him. 

I walked on the side away from the big dogs house and I didn't see or hear it.  I guess the owner fixed how he got out.  I had my stick, I think it is a good deterrent for all sorts of problems.

Ride to work was uneventful other than finding out one of my drivers "quit or was fired" per his replacement.  The guy wasn't talking about a new job so I think he got canned.  But the new driver happily took the candy.  God knows I gave the old guy everything I had.

I got to work early which meant I faced a stampede of departing night shift workers.  Kind of funny.  Even the FAS guy who comes in very early every shift  couldn't wait to go home.

The new driver told me they are "doing the bid" in January so I will have him for a while yet.  I got the feeling he had heard about me as he wasn't surprised by the candy.  New drivers generally gape at me when I offer it.  The ones who know (of) me take it as a matter of course.

Thats it for now.  I can always use prayers for a good day for me, family, friends.

Thank you!

Well, that wasn't fun (not for the squeamish)

 So I thought I could skip a dose of cold meds which resulted in a crippling sinus headache.  I took the "daytime" (orange capsules) formula with good results I had a ton of drainage and I felt better, until the nausea hit.  And the vomiting.  

I was remembering years ago in 1991 I had the flu going around and I also got my period at the same time.  Back then it was very heavy with wracking cramps for days it was hell on hell for me.  This wasn't that bad.  But it was pretty awful.  I got to see lunch again.  

I actually got very nauseous when talking to my parents so I explained, quickly hung up, vomited in my bucket, cleaned up, called them back.  

Remember I tested negative for COVID, it's not that.  My thought Tylenol can irritate my stomach, it did this after my wisdom tooth extraction.  I actually threw up in my trash can on the front end working my register at Target and the whole front end was abuzz for weeks thinking I was pregnant.  No, it was just stomach irritation from the medicine.  

Add to that the other stuff I take on a daily basis and it's a wonder I have a stomach at all.  I have been swallowing these cold pills without any food for days now and my stomach finally had enough.  I blame myself.  

I took a nice hot shower and that helped.  The cats have been very attentive today so that was nice too.  I had a visit from "Orange Sugar" Spotty who meowed concernedly at me while I petted him and told him I was OK.  

I'm going to make it, I should be able to work tomorrow too.  

That's it for now.  

Some thoughts on the cats

 I was sitting in my chair doing my Bible study.  Biscuit was in my lap.  I was petting him.  

And I thought, I really prefer the older cats.  

Don't get me wrong, when the Jehovah's Witness lady tried to present me with a scrawny, wormy, kitten this summer I was a little tempted but not the way I would have been had it been an older cat.  The kitten has a lot of potential, was small and cute, someone would take it.  It was even the color pattern I liked, tabby and white.  

But I feel more for the older cat, the one that's been abandoned and neglected because I of course was abandoned and neglected.  I know what it's like to cry for someone who's not there anymore and never coming back.  I know what it is to go to sleep hungry.  So the older cats have resonated more.  

It is funny though the last 2 times I got cats they were pairs of kittens: Biscuit and Gravy, Cleo and Spotty.  But I will never forget my feeling of triumph when Frosty got in my lap.  

Bubba too - he was a lovely cat belonged to a neighbor, full grown black male cat.  She moved and dumped him.  When she lived there he would wait at the top of the driveway for her to come home every day.  Even after she left he sit sat waiting for her to come back.  That hit my heart.  So I adopted him.  

And when Bubba found another hard luck cat, Frosty, who had also likely been abandoned (Frosty was very skittish but not feral), or I think, his owner died, he brought Frosty home to me.  And I socialized Frosty and adopted him.  Of course both boys got neutered and I don't think Frosty ever forgave Bubs for that.  Every now and then Frosty, the ungrateful boy, would go after Bubs and Ron and I always agreed it was likely rage over that.  

Turns out Frosty was about 9 when I got him, but he was perfect for me.  He slept with me, spent lots of time in my lap and just laid around.  Sometimes he went out hunting and brought me snakes, that was his thing, bringing me little garden snakes.  Torbie was about 8, pretty much the same thing but she was Ron's girl while the boy cats have tended to be Mama's Boy.  

Cleo likes to cuddle at night, though.  

Feeling much better

I have been focused on taking care of myself; lots of hydration and especially lots of sleep.  The immune system is most active when you sleep.  

And it worked, Praise God.  I woke up today feeling "better" I am not 100% but I feel significantly better.  I still have some congestion, draining, and coughing as a result but I don't feel so draggy and my sinuses are pretty much cleared out.  

I did take a follow up Oregano Oil capsule (I am a big fan of Oregano Oil) this morning when I woke up.  Since I am still symptomatic I am not going to church today but I can watch online.   

Some work gossip: tough boss said "thank you" to me several times which is like giving me a speech.  For her, it is.  I appreciate the appreciation!  I am very loyal and eager to please which I think are assets at work.  

Anyway someone at work has been hiding when on the clock, not working.  I think it caught up with her yesterday.  I was in the break room on my lunch (as requested I always notify my boss when I take a break or lunch, also on my lunch the computer shows me clocked out).  I could see this lady across the room, kicking back with her buddies sharing a 2 liter bottle of soda. 

We have tiers at work, associate is the bottom, team lead above them, coach above them, store manager over all, district over them.  District scares all the managers you should see the store when the district is coming.  Anyway I'm an associate of course and happy to be there.  I don't want to be in management ever again.  

Anyway the coach for our area came in, saw her, noted it, walked out.  I said "Hi boss" as he left and he nodded at me, looking grim.  Then they started paging her on the overhead.  That's not going to end well.  

I don't know if it's just my area but there is constant turnover, some employees get promoted, some fired, some move on, some transfer to other departments.  So they are always looking for a new person.  There are a few diehards that stick around but I can only think of a few.  

On a side note my boss does have my phone number so she can just call me if she needs me for something.  I have a special ring tone for her.  

I was thinking about something from years back, when I was sick Ron could be very sweet and attentive.  I hope I gave him the same level when he needed it.  

An example, one time he went out in the rain, in the winter, to get me cold/flu remedies, chicken soup, etc.  I had the flu.  I would teach him how to get to the grocery store wherever we lived and he would go in there to customer service and ask for help shopping.  At first I would write a list for him.  Later on after we got a computer he would type and print one himself.  

Another time this was probably our best setup for living.  We were near two major grocery stores and the "downtown" area of a small city.  I was really sick.  The one thing that sticks I wanted Gatorade.  Ron went to the store and came back with several big bags.  

This was before the days of cell phone although I think we had Ham radios.  At any rate he came home and said they didn't have the bottle size I wanted, but the bigger bottle was buy one get one with the loyalty card so he went ahead and got that, was it OK?  I thought that was so sweet he was worried he disappointed me.  He was so proud unloading everything and said the clerk really liked the list he had typed out.  

My father in law was illiterate.  His wife had a minimal education but she could read a little so when she went him shopping she would tape labels for the food onto a piece of paper so he could unfold it and look at what he was supposed to buy.  

I remember one time we (FIL and I) went shopping and he said he had forgotten his glasses (he didn't wear glasses) could I pick out the food for him at the store?  Of course, I said.  We both knew I knew his secret but I protected his pride.  

Ron said he was difficult growing up but he was always sweet to me.  

But those two times are sticking out with me this weekend.  I do miss having someone to fuss over me.  He didn't, always, in fact he could be pretty awful most times, but now and then he would surprise me.  

That's it for now.  

Boss came in on her day off

 To crack some metaphorical heads.  I think she is gone though.

I was not targeted.  

I plan to take a Uber home I have about 1 more ride on my card. 

I feel rundown today.  Daytime cold pills are working pretty well but I am really wanting some cherry cough drops.  I will look after work.

Not hungry but I need to eat.  That's it for now. 

My boss went off on me last night

 It is scary at times; she is irrational, and a bully.  I do think she got a glimpse into why I do things the way I do, though.  Even she said it made sense the way I did it but then she went right to you have to do all these other things.  

I am only there for six hours.  I cannot do the same amount of work as someone who is there for eight.  I also have additional jobs to do.  And those jobs fall under my job description, when I open the app it says "My Name" "My job description" and I think my store number.  When it comes to it, I'm going to do the thing under my job description.   

That said I did sleep pretty well anyway.  I am getting better.  I think I did the right thing taking Wednesday off and getting ahead of this thing.  I didn't take anything last night and I feel pretty good, I'm just congested.  I am running low on cold medicine so I'm going to see what they have if I get a chance before work.  I don't want to be anywhere near the pharmacy after it opens up.  

It won't come as a surprise to hear my pharmacy employs mainly young people with, I assume, good immune systems.  The only older employees are the actual pharmacists.  Everyone wears a mask.  

I truly hate wearing a mask but I did for a few days, until, last night, I was sitting in the breakroom and everyone around me is hacking and sniffling and I realized "everyone is already sick".  One new hire in particular had a very nasty cough last week.  She still has it - she's probably patient zero.  So I don't see the point, everyone else has already been exposed to this thing.  

If my boss had gone home when she started feeling unwell last week, rather than come over to my work area and spend some time talking to me, I probably wouldn't have gotten sick.   I washed my hands after she left and took some herbs when I got home but I did not follow up.  

I am drinking some Traditional Medicinals tea (Seasonal sampler), and some "Sinus Buster" herbal tea from the Chinese grocery store.  I am taking powdered vitamin C AND Emergen-C.  And I am taking various cold remedies based on my symptoms.  And I am fairly functional.  Oh I forgot I am also taking oregano oil capsules.  

Back to my boss she had said to someone else, in my hearing, she was not feeling very festive this year.  And there I was wearing a Santa hat and a Merry Christmas t-shirt.  Not my best move.  I will tone down the Christmas spirit around her.  

I need to get ready.  Well I did the important work of feeding the cats.  All ready to go.  

I am really dreading work today and that is sad.  

Glad I had the stick

 No dog but a wino at my second bus stop doing classy things like spitting, scratching his crotch, and drinking out of a big glass beer bottle.  He broke the bottle when the bus came and she let him on.  He stayed clear of me at the stop, though.

At work: a team lead has been bringing her little boy to work and leaving him in the breakroom unattended for hours at a time.  For weeks now.  It's not like she can't afford child care they are WELL paid.

Getting ready to start.  I am pretty tired.  I don't feel too bad with the cold but just worn out.

It has been a stressful week!  But I bought Ace his giant chocolate bar so I will make someone smile tonight.

That's it for now.

This always makes me sad

So they offered us a free meal last night.  It was well cooked, I have not gotten sick.  Was it divine?  No, but it was free so I ate it.  

I noticed a lot of people stashing food and it got me thinking I can spot someone who has also been starved; most of them are immigrants but some people born in the US, because they cannot pass up a plate of free food.  They will hoard expired donuts, etc. even though they taste awful, food they would never buy, just because it IS food.  

I went to a lot of church style buffets growing up and you can bet I would have been paddled if I got greedy so I learned to "watch it" pretty fast but it still pops up now and then, like when I found that ground beef on sale for $1.50 a pound.  I couldn't walk away.  

And that's one reason I don't have a deep freeze I would stuff it full of meat I would never touch, I would lose power in some natural event, and it would all go bad.  I don't want a generator I think that would make me a target.  

It makes me sad, a child should be able to count on regular meals growing up.  Some of us could not, at least me, for a while.  It makes me sad when I see that in others.  

So off I go to work.  Please pray it is a boring and efficient ride to work.  A quick night and then home to do it all again tomorrow.  

I did pay the water bill even though she said it wasn't due for a few weeks.  I need to investigate setting up an auto pay on that.  

That's it for now.  

Friday morning

 Something funny happened last night.  A few days ago in the breakroom we were talking about music and I said, oh, no one likes my stuff, I'm into the Gospel rappers, Gospel metal, that sort of thing.  Someone goes, Gospel rappers, who does that?  I named off a couple artists I like.  

I didn't think anything of it until last night when a coworker walked up to my table in the break room and said "I heard you like Trip Lee" and I named off a few things he did, he named some other artists and I named off songs.  He asked what else do you like and I handed him my phone with my Bible Handout playlist about 40 of my favorites.  He scrolled down nodding and making sounds of approval.  It was very funny because we are so dissimilar.  We're about the same age but he is black and a veteran and I am neither.  

But that is what faith in Christ brings you, family where you don't expect it.  No there is no "interest" with this guy, besides I'm not his type.  

Work last night was OK but the one boss worked the whole shift with me, and took her lunch when I did so I was "On' the whole shift.  She mentioned she works today so that means we won't overlap much.  

I am feeling better it's just going to be a few days.  I am thinking to skip church this week 1.  Because I don't want to walk miles and 2.  I don't want to get anyone sick.  also 3. I only have the one day off.  

I am just a little tired.  But I think the best thing I did was take that one day off when I first got sick, stay home, sleep, drink all the potions, take all the vitamins, etc.  Yes I got a ding on attendance but that's what it's for.  

I understand why the other people at work felt they had to go into work sick but I wish, of course, they had not.  But also at the church there were little kids grabbing at the donuts in the great room picking them up putting them down etc.  So some sick little kid could have grabbed a donut I ate.  

But I won't feel right "giving the peace" along with a rhinovirus.  I just hope I am better by Thanksgiving that is one thing I will not do: a Handout, when I am sick.  I think that would be a terrible thing to do, spread a nasty cold among the recipients.  I can always do it later.  

I very seldom get a cold of flu so this is new territory for me but I am clear on that.  That's it for now.  

Didn't see the dog today

 But I sure had my eye out.

I need to give a little back story.  There is a very nice man rides my Thurs-Fri bus sometimes.  He takes care of himself but not too much.  He works in law enforcement and carries a walking stick as well but he needs it.  He said aggressive dogs always avoid people with sticks.  So that is good to know.  Also nice he sat down near me.

I wore my mask of course.  Will wear it working tonight.

I ate and took all my pills which is about all I can do.  I took some Emergen-C before I left the house and will take some on my break or lunch.  Herb tea when I get home.

Boy some of that stuff is really vile!

That's it for now.  

Well I do feel some better

 I slept OK last night.  

I have to get ready, head out the door, see what is up with the dog.  There are 2 other aggressive dogs on my route but they are well fenced.  I think the one bothering me is a relatively new addition and the owner will get rid of it after a while.  Probably someone broke into his car or  something and he reacted by getting the biggest, meanest, dog he could find.  He is not a big man.  

I am going to bring my stick.  I will only hit it if it bites me.  To be clear, I don't blame the dog, it's just following programming.  Not only am I "intruding" as he sees it I'm also a cat person.  

I am at the congestion/coughing/postnasal drip part of my cold.  I can work but I am wearing my mask and I have a photo of my negative COVID test.  

I got my shower, got a pep talk from my aunt, did my God Time, treated the cats.  Well the boy cats.  Cleo thinks my aunt is really scary so she always runs when she hears my aunt on speaker.  

That's it for now.  

A hot pic of me in my bathrobe.

 

Notice how the eyes are so puffy!  

I feel terrible (sick)

 So I am calling out today.  

It's not the dog although the dog's a factor, I feel awful.  

Even more important, I view everyone outside my door as a recipient and I don't want to get them sick.  

Yesterday was not fun

 As I've said in the past, there is an issue with a large white husky at the last house as you leave my subdivision.  I have had problems with the dog coming out and barking at me if I walk on the house side of the street vs the vacant lot side of the street.  Yesterday the dog came after me, snapping and snarling, raising the bar I guess.  

That was really unpleasant let me tell you.  I just walked very slowly kept going toward the bus stop and got past the "territory" and the dog left me alone.  I plan to walk on the side of the street away from the house today; that has worked in the past.  Also bring my walking stick just to make me feel better.  

One car stopped in the middle of the street watching me and I suspect had his phone out filming the encounter.  A kind person would have told me to get in and driven me up to the bus stop.  He was not, apparently, a kind person.  He eventually got out of my way but he sure didn't help.  

I was OK once I got to the bus stop but I was definitely "watching my six".  One thing I found remarkable the dog was snarling and snapping clearly WANTED to bite me but did not, I attribute that to God.  

I got to work.  A customer wanted to talk to my manager so I called her to ask her to come over.  She answered, sounding terrible.  She is sick and wasn't working yesterday.  

I had another boss said she was out with COVID last week, but still came back to the store, hugging associates, talking to them, then said she had it.  She did not hug me thank God.  

Then last week my boss said she was coming down with something and said she had the flu yesterday.  I started feeling rather flushed and my throat hurt, itchy nose, sneezing, congestion.  Oh, crap.  Was it a cold?  The flu?  COVID?  

I figured out it was a cold, it has been so long since I had one it took a minute.  But I am not running a fever, and I would with the other 2 options.  

I haven't had a cold in at least 5 years or so.  I am currently taking "Tylenol Sinus Severe" and that helps.  I did not have to get up and take anything last night.  My throat is killing me, I am sneezy, a little sniffly but that's it.  

I got the address of the "bad dog" house so I can report them to animal control.  The owner may not know the dog is actually going after passers-by.  And I may be the only one it's going after because I smell like cats.  

But I was at home looking at the cats last night thinking "you guys are awesome", I am 1000% a cat person.  

My stun gun was broken so I could not have used it, it is only good as a flashlight now.  I did not want to use the pepper spray because that's just going to make the dog angrier, and I might get some blowback.  I have decided to bring my walking stick (about 1.5 inch diameter, 4 feet long, good and sturdy.   It will make me feel better having it.  

I also plan to wear a mask so I don't spread this at work.  I have 4 more days before my one day off this week.  It's going to be challenging but I will do it!  

That's it for now.  

Edit to add; when I was at the bus stop waiting for my first ride I remember thinking "I am taking a Uber home after work" and then I thought "Would I take one if the dog hadn't come after me?" and the answer was no.  I then thought about the "random" driver who would be assigned to me and the fact I would absolutely be giving this person the gospel.  

So maybe that's why it happened.  I got a very nice Chinese man who was very polite and friendly.  

Made it to break

 Boss is out sick so an easier day.

I am praying for her health.  

Cujo

 The bad dog I have mentioned got out again and came after me.  Pursued me about 1-2 blocks I did not run just walked very slow.  

More on that later.  In my opinion dog should be put down before it kills a senior or small child.  But I mainly blame the owner.  

In these cases the owner is always an anxious fear dominated person who "needs" a large aggressive dog to feel safer but they never control it properly and create a public hazard.  And the dog almost always ends up getting put down.

The owner wants "cheap" security for the cost of dog food.  But it's no security if the dog is roaming and not on your property.

Anyway that's it for now.  God willing I am taking a Uber home.

Crazy Train

 Now Ozzy Ozzbourne is not what anyone would call a Biblical man.  He plays with dark themes in his music, from what I have seen.  I have heard rumors of animal abuse.  

But he wrote a spectacular song called "Crazy Train", which is my fourth bus ride of the day, every day.  

What does that mean for me?  Well my morning didn't start out great.  It was raining and windy at the bus stop, and a passing big rig nearly blew my Santa hat off, he was speeding so fast.  My buses did line up so I got to work early.  

I did find it a tad concerning one of my drivers asked if I liked cats, in a way that indicated I might be getting a live gift in the future.  I don't always catch her every day, though.  And Ron would say I can always say NO.  

Work wasn't too bad, the tough boss was off and traffic was slow due to the rain.  It rained pretty much all day so it never really picked up.  

I did discover the Santa hat says "Happy to help" and customers were asking me questions, bypassing other, closer, associates to come to me for questions.  

The grocery manager was very happy to find me "doing the zone" at the appointed time and gave me a fist bump when he saw me.  I am glad I can help.  

I was thinking yesterday it is a mixed blessing, having Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  For instance, I am very eager to please, which as you can imagine is complex.  On the one hand supervisors and customers like it, but on the other it has gotten me in trouble in my relationships.  

One of my coworkers was very angry when I left on time, I guess that means she was happy to have me around?  I don't know.  

So I left on time, a lot of people at the bus stop.  A new employee from one of the fast food places was about to sit at the bus stop until I told her what goes on there.  When a homeless man did some and sit down, she was glaring daggers at him.  And the bus was the crazy train as I said.  

One man sitting across from me was wearing those disposable scrubs they give patients who come into the ER without clothes, or the clothes are so damaged/filthy they have to be cut off and thrown away.  He was covered in bruises like he had been restrained.  He was also wearing a hospital ID bracelet.  And he was doped out of his gourd, he kept nodding off.  

I had the thought he was probably a psych patient but then thought he has just been medicated, he is probably the safest he will ever be in his life.  And he did not cause problems but he did have a nasty wet cough.  Unfortunately he was sitting across from me.  

When I got off the bus (the other guy had left a while back) I laughed and told the driver he doesn't drive the bus, he drives the crazy train.  He laughed and said "You noticed, huh?" and we shared a grin.  I like him, not like "that" but he is fun to ride with and I hope he keeps his route when they do the bid in a month.  

What happens the drivers say if they would like to keep their current route, ask for another route if they want, and put a couple of optional routes in case someone with more seniority wants their route.  It seems to me most of the drivers want the very early routes because, and they all say this "Everyone's going to work and they don't cause any trouble" especially on my route that goes to/from work.  My local route that runs by the house is not bad in my opinion my drivers tend to bid for other routes after a tour on it.  

If the driver does not put some options down my understanding they go on "the extra board" which is a pool of backup drivers if a driver calls in sick, then you take over their route for the day.  If someone goes on a medical leave you might have their route until they come back but you don't have a permanent route.  And some drivers do like the extra board.  

This guy says the current route is no big deal compared to the 82 route he used to do and that is a rough one.  The #2 is also a bad one.  Standing room only constantly.  

I got home and called Mom and Dad.  They are doing pretty well.  She is being militant about his diet which makes sense as he does have the heart failure.  I have seen low salt chips when I fix up the grocery section but she won't buy them.  But they are staying busy which is good.  They are hosting a small group today which should be fun for them.  

She wanted to make a dump cake, I suggested using apple pie filling and spice cake. I, personally, am not crazy about apple pie filling but most are and it's a good fall themed thing.  

I woke up a couple times but not too bad, the last around 1 and my alarm went off at 1:45.  My alarm is acting up and so is the old cell phone I used for music and alarms so I need to figure that out.  

That's it for now; I'll probably do another post before I leave.  

Rain, wind, cold

 Still came to work on the bus.  Got here early.  I was hoping to decorate my area but couldn't find what I wanted, but I did find some cat safe ornament hooks. 

BTW my nephew is a fireman and another one is working on it and he advised me to turn off the tree when I'm not there.  So I'm doing that.

I will put up some photos of me later.  I don't know how to do it from my cell phone.

I brought a good lunch and plenty of snacks today.

More later.  

I am glad I figured it out

 I have a standard practice when I have the early, early, morning wake up.  The alarm goes off 1:45 I get up and take the antidepressant, then go back to bed for a little bit. 

This morning I happened to wake up full of energy.  I took the antidepressant and laid down for about 15 minutes, when the alarm went off I was as groggy (a lot) as I usually am and I realized the antidepressant is contributing to my difficulty waking up.  

So I'm going to start taking it at night.  Not tonight of course I would probably have a seizure, but tomorrow night.  I will be OK tomorrow.  

As for today, I took a caffeine pill.  It's not ideal but it will get me going.  Now I need to take my shower.  

Time to go.  

I packed a lunch for a change, with a big green salad.  It's a start!  

So I took the handcart to church

 Most of it was the fact I had heavy canned goods.  I also wanted to go shopping, after.  And lastly it was a small test how would they act when I brought it?  

The walk to the bus stop was no big deal (from my house)   The walk from the bus stop to the church was something else.  Parts of the sidewalk were missing, others were overgrown with burrs, mud everywhere, debris, it was a mess.  I won't be doing that again unless I have to.  

They were very nice at the church and helped me find a good parking spot and said I was welcome to bring it anytime.  I was impressed.  

It was a good service; I took communion.  I chatted some before the service but pretty much left right after as it was very loud.  

I did my shopping and came home; I managed to beat the rain so I'm happy  I have to get up very early tomorrow so that's it for now.  

I felt bad for poor Spotty

 I didn't sleep well last night so I was up a lot.  

At one point Spotty came in the cat door meowing at me.  I was petting him in bed, talking to him, his little purr motor was fired up and he was slobbering all over my hand.  It was great.  But then my allergies kicked in (he was right by my face) and I started sneezing, spooked him, he ran off.  I felt bad but I can't control that.  

Unfortunately when I do take the allergy pills the dry mouth is extremely bad.  

I finally did go to sleep around 4 but had to get up at 6.  It was hard to leave my nice warm bed.  But the Bible is really clear about spending time with other believers so I'm going to church.  I also need to take the food for the food drive.  

First I need to take my shower, though.  

That's all done.  I feel kind of bad, it looks like Biscuit is taking over the cat condo in my bedroom.  That used to be Spotty's, well, spot.  

Sometimes I feel very strange without a wedding band on my hand.  But my actual band was stolen some years ago by the movers who took my stuff out when I had the pipe break, along with my other jewelry.  I didn't have much value in it but it was important to me.  I didn't file a claim because I didn't have pictures or a clear idea what was in there.  I was keeping it for sentiment not for daily use.  

I am wearing some cute leggings under my church dress.  1  For warmth and 2.  For modesty.  They have kneelers at the church, I am riding the bus, etc. so it seems like a good idea to have the leggings.  

I will ask my friend in ladies apparel to be on the lookout for a cute, long, flowy dress with short sleeves come spring season (should start coming in a few weeks) so I have something cute for spring/summer.  I don't mind wearing the same thing, with variations, every week.  It is just really hard to find something cute and modest, and my weight is up and down so I don't want a big investment.  If we get one, she'll tell me.  

I have not had good experiences buying clothes on Amazon.  The purple vest, the scrub bottoms, the puffer coat that was supposed to be waterproof, all of them ended up getting donated.  For me it is too much hassle and expense to send something back.  

Compression socks have been OK though.  

That's it for now.  

I had a dream about Ron

 When I woke up I realized I had been having recurring dreams about him; all the same.  He was waiting for me at a seaside resort.  

This one featured a huge food court with free "vendors" cooking up all different types of sausage (one of my favorite foods) and I had selected a sausage to eat that had fried potatoes and onions with it.  We also rode a bus with some other people.  

Then I woke up.  We did not say goodbye it was more of a "to be continued" feel.  Interesting.  

I'm going to try to go back to bed.  

A lot about cat condos

 It's funny; I only got 4 hours of sleep and then maybe another 3 tops but I feel like I had a good night's sleep.  

I did a little shuffling.  

I had this 

in my bedroom.  The cats like to lay on the floor and scratch it, obviously.  I have had this for several years at least maybe 10.  I retired it - put it out at the street for the junk collectors and guaranteed one will be by...and put this: 

I had this in the front of the house between the couch and the bear, by the front door.  The cats never used it so it had become a catch-all for my mail.  So I went through the mail and filed what needed it, moved this.  It is very sturdy but not horribly heavy.  I have 3 of these, bought during more prosperous times with Ron.  But they were only about $40 from Chewy back then and I had 6 cats.  

I know Cleo likes these: 

She was a lot smaller back then!  The sides are rough and good for scratching and the cats do like to go after the other ones (one in orange room and one in Bible room).  

So we will see how Spotty likes it that was "his" spot.  He does get on the other 2 ones so I think he'll be OK with it.  I also cleared away some stuff on the floor so he has better access to the condo/scratcher.  

That's it for now.  

Very early Saturday

 I made some mistakes yesterday I admit it.  

I didn't look at the detailed forecast.  

I didn't look at the projected wind.  

I didn't bring my lunch.  

So my commute found me outside in freezing cold, damp, weather with a nasty wind.  The bus never came and then the NEXT bus never came, so I was over an hour waiting.  I was outside over 2 hours total.  

I did have an evangelism frenzy (not sure how it started just all these random thug looking guys asking for candy with tracts) on the first bus when it did come so I laughed at God when I got off, "I get why that had to happen, now".  

I got to work 20 minutes before my shift started and had to buy and eat my lunch in that time, also buy some Diet Dew for myself to drink during my shift.  I did all that and managed to clock in 3 minutes before starting time.  

No one tells me to "go do the zone" anymore I just go over to "my" aisles every day at 2 and do it.  The manager came by while I was, very happy to see me.  "How did you know?""  I told him my default now is I do the zone, on these aisles, every day unless I hear otherwise.  He said something like "very good" and then mentioned "You weren't there when I looked earlier I hope your day was OK?"  I told him my buses broke down and I was running very late but I still clocked in on time, I had been wondering why I left the house so early every day but I got a good reminder!  I kept it light, we laughed about it, he moved on after agreeing I should just "always" do those aisles every day I work at 2.  So I felt good about that and left it looking good when I did leave.  

My "actual" job was nuts today I felt really bad for my boss.  Of our team, only a few were actually working and I know for sure at least 3 disappeared for hours.  She caught on of course but I think is limited; she can't fire them until she has a replacement  

One of her "good workers" got promoted so she is out that person as well.  

The problem, I think, the other guys are paying more.  So the good workers are going to Home Depot, Target, the grocery stores, etc   She is stuck hiring second and third string workers, 3/4 of them do not speak English well at all.  

All in all I am glad I do MY job and not hers.  Not for any amount of money!  

So I did my job to the best of my ability.  She kept calling me and asking me to do additional things which I did as much as possible.  I got my lunch a little late but only 8 minutes late.  I can't say why I always take my lunch late when I work nights but I had 52 minutes to go when I got back!  Happily the computer let me do this when I did clock out for the night.  

After work I did some shopping.  The laundry tablets are $20 now?  They have GOT to be kidding.  I didn't get those.  The one time I had a repairman out for the washer he said half a cup of vinegar would work fine in the cleaning cycle.  

Since I "zone" up the snacks, cookies, etc. every day I had some good ideas for things I could put in my lunch so I got keto bread, lunch meat, sliced cheese, stick cheese, little containers of pickles that are lunch boxed sized, some individual sized things of popcorn, etc.  I also got some more milk.  I plan to make up lunches on Sunday and put them in the fridge - different things - and then grab one at random every day so I have a good lunch that is a little bit of a surprise.  I need to get some fruit on Sunday too  

I went by apparel.  Last night I realized I needed to get more festive at work; wear my Santa hat, get some t shirts.  We had a "Merry Christmas" one I wanted to get in particular.  So I got a "Merry Christmas" and a "Jingle all the way".  I also got one of the sherpa fleece pullovers.  I found it is very warm and light, in a bright red.  When I checked out I found out it was also on clearance.  

A lot of women have fibroids, which lead to anemia and being cold all the time, so it is not uncommon to see several young to middle aged ladies at work wearing these pullovers even in the summer.  The nice thing for an employee they don't have a hood so are OK with the dress code.  

The team leads had been telling us the company would give us our 10% discount on groceries now and I found that to be true when I paid last night; very nice.  

Ace came right on time so that was great.  I called my parents when I got home and went to bed around 11; woke up at 3.  I wasn't sleeping any more so I decided to do some laundry and get online for a while.  

That's it for now!  

Wow it has been nuts

 I forgot how crazy it gets for the black friday events.

My other boss (this makes 2 out of 3) is getting sick and losing her voice.  I plan to keep taking my tinctures.  Get a lot of sleep tonight too.

I was also thinking I need some sort of stress release when I get home.  Not: smoking, sex, alcohol, eating.  Something that won't harm me or my soul.  And I remembered the exercise bike.

So I think I will change like I do when I get home; except into workout clothes.  Get on the bike 10 min to start and 30-45 min in a few weeks.  When I did that a year or two back it worked very well.

I can't see a downside.  Less than an hour after I get back from lunch.

That's it for now; aside from the fact the store is playing Christmas music.  

2 buses broke down en route

 Leaving me in the cold, damp, wind for over 2 hours.  Still not at work yet!  

But I am on the last bus..

Work was OK last night.

 I can say now I gave some gifts to my family from Samaritan's purse, charity donations in their name for various things like Bible classes for little kids (my aunt, who has 9 grand kids), blankets (for someone at work), and I believe I donated a Bible in Mom and Dad's name.  Mom kept exclaiming my sister had been wanting to do something like this - charity donations instead of tangible gifts - for a while now.  Maybe I will kick it off now.  I would be happy if my family just donated Bibles or chickens or whatever in my name to someone in need.  

We all have enough JUNK.  And it saves all the hassle and expense of shipping as well (sorry, Post Office).  Dad in particular was thrilled.  So I'm glad I did that.  

I stayed in budget, too.  I still have to finish the wrap for Mom and mail that but I will.  

I will say about the only "gift" I'd like some pictures of my sister's cat dressed up.  She gets Chester (long story) little costumes (Chester is a girl).  She is adorable and a sweet "little" girl so some photos would be wonderful.  

My boss was OK last night mainly because I was working every time she came by!  She likes to sneak up on us and every time she did there I was plugging away.  

It's raining this morning so that won't be fun; but it's not the torrential downpour I had last night when I was working.  

It did stop by the time I left, it was raining some but not bad.  I need to call Ace; I think some of my text messages are not getting through.  I hope he can get me tonight.  

 Open enrollment ends today and I had been thinking it would be nice to get some life insurance.  Just a couple thousand to whoever cleans out the house, a couple thousand fun money for them, a couple thousand for a Bible charity, and a couple thousand to whoever took the cats.  

BUT they had a lot of very detailed health questions I did not feel comfortable answering.  If it was independent then, yes.  I understand why.  If I have a history of say shooting IV drugs that is going to influence their choices.  I do have a history of depression - I cop to that - and they wanted my doctor's information, pharmacy, city of birth (I found that one the most distressing).  So I opted out of that.  

Dad was saying life insurance is mainly to pay off the house anyway and mine is paid off.  And if I get raptured the cats are going with and 99% of my family.  

I did talk to Ace and he is coming tonight.  Good.  

I have some rather heavy canned goods to take to church on Sunday, I also want to do grocery shopping after, so I may take the hand cart to church and park it in the lobby where they have people put their backpacks and bags.  It will be an interesting test of the church.  

So far they have been welcoming even hearing I am on the bus and disabled - they just can't fathom not having a car, but I can't fathom a radiator repair.  So I think I come out ahead.  

It is raining but not hard so I will just take the bus today.  It should cut down the hassles at the transit center and clean up some of the bus stops.  

I have that boss tonight but I think I'll be fine.  They are all (team leads) really busy with this Black Friday stuff.  I wonder how our sales did today.  

I just remembered I meant to buy the "Mama's Boy" sweater for Biscuit.  I need to think about that.  

That's it for now.  

 Forget being a battered wife, daughter of a bipolar alcoholic, wife of another alcoholic, I think I could really use advice on how to deal with food.

I was starved as a baby, my mother wouldn't feed me.  The others in my house had work and school so I went probably 12 hours a day, most days, unfed lying in my own waste.

That leaves a scar, like being hit by someone who claims to love you.  Something breaks in that moment you can never regain.

I couldn't depend on anyone for food.  It took me years to catch up on the growth charts.  I remember going to the dr and my adoptive Mom would praise me for growing and gaining weight.

But my birth mother was supposedly a very good cook.  I can't remember one meal she served me.

I have a very complicated relationship with food as a result.  I hate the fact I have to eat.  I eat when I am stressed out.  I buy vegetables I never eat.  

I could probably use a year of therapy on that.  

Cussed out again!

 If you've ever wondered why retail employees seem "hard" this may be it.  

I very politely explained something to a customer who said OK and then broke the rule.  When I called her on it "I'm sorry ma'am but.." she went off on me cursing at me in English and then in Spanish, to her daughter.  Maybe she thinks I don't know what a puta is.  Likely she didn't care.  

I can't say much without revealing my job but I can say she won the battle but did not win the war.  

 Then I clocked out and did my personal shopping.  I had to get the groceries for the food drive.  They wanted a can of everything it's going to be fun lugging this all 2 miles on Sunday!  I plan to double bag it.  They also said to enclose a personal greeting so I got a card.  

As I was heading to the checkout the customer who had cursed me came out of nowhere and made a big point of cutting me off.  I just smiled at her and waved her on ahead, she snarled at me and went ahead.  

During the tirade (and this has happened before) I was dying to say "How long have you been single?  Because no man's putting up with you for long!"  I didn't though although I thought it and the Bible says that is just as bad.  

I finished all my presents.  Samaritan's purse sent me a catalog.  I picked out some "gifts" - donations I could make to various projects and then they send a card to my recipient.  They had some fun things like chickens, blankets, Bible distribution you know I was on that.  It did not cost a lot of money and now I have everyone done.  Everyone on my list has EVERYTHING they need.  They don't need more junk, this is fun, and I selected the email option so people get it today.  They can print it up if they want or delete it but they got it.  It did not break the budget, especially considering my property tax is taking a steep drop this year.  

I was sad to see, when voting, this is only a temporary thing.  But at least this year I don't need to worry.  

My foot is bothering me a little today but the headache pill is helping it.  I think I turned funny when I was walking and pulled a muscle on the top of my foot.  I'll be fine.  

Mood is better but this allergy headache is no joke; problem being if I take an allergy pill I will have a horrible dry mouth all night.  What is worse?  

I may take the allergy pill after all.  

That's it for now.  

Depression is back

 At least it came before I blew my whole paycheck.  It isn't too bad but I am picking at a hangnail, I tend to do that.

I still plan to get those groceries after work and take a Uber home.  This way I will only get what's on the list.  

I also have to remember I have to carry this almost 2 miles Sunday so don't get anything too heavy.  They already want a pound each pasta, rice, beans, etc.  I plan to get the bean soup mix if we have it, for the beans.  I used to make that soup when we had the deli and people would line up for it.  I think that would be better than just pintos or lentils.

Walmart will be mailing me an additional 15% discount soon.  I think I am fine for everything but cat food so I will just get a couple bags of that.

I also have some things to get in motion for a few Christmas cards.  I want to do that Saturday.  I also need to work on Mom's wrap so I can get it to her by Christmas.  I plan to just work on it at home so I can focus.

Years ago, I made a Christmas themed granny square throw for my aunt.  She uses it as a wrap so I have a tradition to uphold.

I suspect Dad is cheap with the heat but we'll see.  I have my own thermostat set to heat, and 72 degrees.

I also need to pay my utilities this weekend!  It is cold in the breakroom.  

That's it for now! 

Election results

 So the things I wanted to pass (prop 4) did pass.  I can't talk about more local elections as that nails down where I live.  I will say I had gone into the election planning to vote against the $$$$$ hospital district expansion until I read they want to add an additional trauma center.  

The trauma center at Hermann hospital gave me an additional 18 years with Ron so I can't be a hypocrite.  So I voted yes and so did most of the other voters.  

I don't live in Rosenberg and they had many, many, things up to vote I felt sorry for them.  I also voted for a cost of living adjustment (higher) for the retired teachers which passed.  

Not crazy about the mayor but it was really a choice between Mr Piss and Mr Shit as Ron used to say.  Neither is a good choice but one was worse, in my opinion.  I won't say more.  

Mom and Dad have gotten in the habit of calling me later.  Dad has used the term "Congestive Heart Failure" 3 times now in conversation with me so he doesn't have a long lifespan.  I'm not going to begrudge a sick old man his phone call.  I'm just a little sleep deprived.  

I guess I could go back to riding in to work with the neighbor and getting up later every day.  I might do that Tuesdays I am thinking.  I need to work the budget.  I also need to figure out rides home Thursday and Friday this week.  Ace seems happy for the business.  I didn't call Jack because last month was the 1 year anniversary of his wife's death and I knew that would be hard.  

When I did get to sleep I slept OK I woke up a couple of times but that is standard, and I'd had a lot of caffeine.  My pay should "drop" today so that will be good.  I need to get the food for the drive so I can take it to church on Sunday.  I am looking forward to the shopping for that.  

I might do another post before I leave but that's it for now.  

Today was nuts!

 So 5:45 AM finds me waiting on my bus, as usual M-W, in a deserted industrial area.  And waiting.  And waiting.  I get a text message alert "my" bus broke down about the same time the next one arrives, almost an hour later.  

There's a business near work where they were doing voting, I got off at that stop - the driver was so cute, she stopped in front of the store and reminded me to get off - instead of work and voted without a problem.  

After I voted I'm walking along the sidewalk.  

YUCK ALERT SKIP TO *** IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.  

So I'm walking along the sidewalk and I realize there are piles of human feces everywhere.  There is a man lying on the sidewalk among them and I realize he is the "crapper" who keeps ruining my bus stop.  He very aggressively panhandles but I ignore him and keep walking, to be called a bitch and worse.  

I went back to work and resolved to sic the health department on the man.  They did a very good job with the rat problem next door about 13 years ago.  

****

I work, pretty standard day.  The grocery store manager seems happy to have me "on the zone" (making it look good) every day.  My boss is happy to let me go and I am happy to have an hour "break" with someone who says please and thank you.  

I leave and see the panhandler across the street from the bus stop.  He is so drunk he can't sit up.  I blame the gas station he's in front of; they are the ones selling him the alcohol.  They are not allowed to sell to intoxicated persons.  I kept an eye on him.  

My bus comes.  There is a disabled man takes the only free seat in the front where I would have sat to talk to the driver.  I sit in the back and realize the woman in the front behind the driver has a nasty wet cough.  So I decide I'm not moving up until she gets off.  

And the guy behind me starts rambling.  I realize, to my horror, he is the man from months ago who was rambling nonsense at the old white man, then beat him up.  The old man did not want to press charges and there was a fair amount of peer pressure from other passengers to "let it go so we can go home on time".  So I'm sitting in front of a violent man who is raving "I can see your demons" etc.  

[censored] [censored] [censored]  This is NOT GOOD.  

The man he's directing this at very wisely rings the bell and gets off.  Then the young man turns his attention to me, patting my shoulder and saying "See I got rid of him for you.  I can see who they really are" and I'm just nodding like, of course.  

And a part of me is wondering what if he really could see demons?  I wonder if I should get off, then think he might follow me and then I'd be stuck in the middle of nowhere with a crazy man for half an hour until the next bus came.  

Happily for me a gorgeous sweet young thing got on the bus wearing a nurse's uniform so he went and sat with her until he got to his stop.  

When I got off I just told the driver "They don't pay you enough money" and he laughed long and hard.  Then I said I'd see him tomorrow.  

That's about it for now.  

Tues at work

 Bus broke down threw me an hour later.  Still managed to vote and 98% sure I met the homeless man using the area as his personal toilet.  Lying in feces piles of feces all around, flies EVERYWHERE I am going to call the health department this is a public hazard.  Beyond disgusting.

He cussed me out because I didn't give him money.  I don't feel sorry for him.  

I don't see why anyone would want alcohol, seeing what it does to people.  And yes, he was drunk.

That's it for now.  Work will be a treat after dealing with that!

Work was OK yesterday

 Just hard with it being a Monday.  Today will be more challenging as the challenging boss is there my whole shift.  Tomorrow won't be bad I only have her 2 hours.  Thursday and Friday I have her all night.  I am torn because on the one hand she gets the other employees to perform.  On the other she treats me like a slacker even when I am working.  

It is very unusual that I had access to the schedule this week but at least I know what to expect.  

Voting was going to be tricky for me today but my aunt found a place near the store that is doing early voting.  So I will go there and vote then go to work if it all works out.  Another place on the way home is doing voting as well so I could always drop by there, even though it is a terrible neighborhood.  

It was getting dark when I came home last night, I found it highly depressing.  I had to calibrate the timer on my Christmas tree as it hadn't come on yet, but my Handout tracts did come.  

I think I had mentioned on Friday I was sitting (about the only bus stop I will sit and and more on that in a minute) at my home bus stop and some contractors were digging up the middle of the street to put in a turn lane.  One of the foremen said "I'll dig here if I can" pointing at his feet "But I may need to dig over there" pointing at my feet.  I was not happy to hear that.  But when I came home last night it was OK.  

Two of the 3 bus stops I used yesterday had been defiled in unspeakable ways.  It is apparently a thing in Houston to use a public bus stop as your litter box.  I find it vile, unsanitary, and disgusting.  I don't know if they are just that drunk or have continence issues, but it's awful.  Especially after a long day at work when my feet are tired and ALL I want to do is sit down for a minute.  Even the other homeless are disgusted.  

The bus stops have each been violated repeatedly in the last year or so.  Maybe it is the same person.  They are 3 different bus stops for the same route.  They need to put a camera and find out who it is.  It just makes my commute awful.  

And I'm not talking someone whizzed - it was worse.  Thank God I can see to avoid it I don't know what Ron would have done.  

I need to take my shower.  That's done.  

I plan to get the number of the bus stop today and then call in and ask them to remove the shelter, Wednesday.  It is overrun by homeless people; actual citizens never get a chance to sit, when it is "clear" someone has sh*t everywhere and you can't.  Maybe they will go somewhere else if it is gone.  That happened at one major intersection, they took the bus shelter and only had a pole with a sign by the road, presto all the homeless and weirdos loitering at the stop had to move on.  Sure I will "have to stand" but I do anyway because the bench is so, so, filthy.  I think it's the only solution that will work.  

They don't have the manpower with the Metro Police, or the will I'd imagine, to roust the homeless every time they settle in so just take it away.  I will stand.  

Maybe Metro will listen, maybe they won't, but I will ask.  It is just getting really bad of late the work to home stop someone crapped in there twice in two weeks.  And it's not private it has glass on 3 sides and open on the other.  It's just that bench.  They sit when traffic is going by, get up and beg when the light's red, then sit down again.  It is near a food place although they apparently don't want to use the bathroom...or it's closed - could be.  

At any rate it is off to vote, then off to work.  Should be interesting.  

I got one property tax bill it was $600 but the amendment will hopefully pass today and knock my taxable value from $110,000 down to $11K.  I could use that my taxes would be great if we can do that.  We will see!  

That's it for now.