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Showing posts from February, 2016

I have to live with myself

Today found Ron and I arguing at the bank.  I told him the teller had given us too much change.  He said he would have to count everything before he'd believe me. 

I couldn't just walk out, and Ron didn't want to count his money in the bank.  "We'll come back" he said "If it's over". 

First, we got up and got ready.  I was pretty tired this morning, and I'll blame poor, innocent Biscuit.  He gets in the bed with me and purrs so sweetly, I don't want to get up.  I roll up around him and go back to sleep.  When I go get up, I give him his "livers" or his seafood.  He got his num-num (if I do nothing, I make sure of that).  I made sure Baby Girl wasn't being a Bad Girl and stealing the whole thing.  She can be a little terrorist. 

She's probably the smallest cat in the house, but she's the meanest when it comes to num-nums.  She will claw Biscuit and hiss at him to steal the food.  If I put down two plates they don&…

The rest of my day

I called one of my cab driver buddies, who showed up quickly.  He must be working our area now. 

Either that, or (here's a horrifying image), he moved in one block over, to stalk us.  [nervous chuckle]  I hope not. 

Anyway, a good ride to the store.  I got everything on my list.  Fabric softener.  Livers for Biscuit (Sheba Chicken and Liver Pate), an organizer box for my yarn - I don't like having bags everywhere.  I also got a shower caddy to organize my implements.  It's very handy for all my crochet hooks, knitting needles, point protectors, and a pair of scissors when I get them.  If I'm doing needlework at home, it's in my chair, so I'll keep it by my chair.  My chair is near the door so it's easy to take an implement out and throw it in my travel bag.  I got myself some soda, since my cab driver assured me he'd come back (he did, in fact, he waited!).  I got 3 balls of Woolease Thick and quick for my poncho project, a pair of size 11 knitting ne…

Keep it classy

I always say I hate politics, I don't watch the news (aside from morning traffic, local news, and weather), and I really hate debates. 

Yet here I am, telling you I'm not voting in the primary.  Why?  Because I have to sign an affidavit saying I am one party or the other.  I won't do that.  I'm Independent.  I will vote for whoever I think is best. 

For instance, I voted for the Democratic sheriff candidate until he allowed a person with mental illness to die, neglected, in custody.  I won't be voting for him again, ever.  But, until that point, he was a "good" guy and got a couple of votes. 

Another time a Republican judge let a baby raper out on parole. I did not vote for her in reelection.  Later on, I found out she had become a tougher judge and I began voting for her again. 

I go on the candidate.  But I won't be choosing the primary candidate. 

I'm OK that.  As Ron and I remind each other, God's candidate is the one who will win.  O…

When Torbie lets me have it

Gravy doesn't like Disciple, the group.  When I put my music on he covered his face with a paw. 

Ron's asleep, Baby Girl is sitting behind me, Biscuit's on one couch, Gravy's on the other.  Torbie has taken over my chair. 

Last night I was watching a movie with Ron.  I can work a crochet Granny Square while watching TV, God knows I have made literally dozens of Granny Square afghans.  I am working on the shades of blue + black one right now (the one in the photos with the big black square in the middle). 

Anyway, I was doing pretty well until Torbie got up on me and decided to lie down on the nice, soft, "warm" in my lap. Frosty (the white cat) used to do EXACTLY the same thing, not long before he died.  So I'm not liable to put her on the floor. 

I hope I never cry over a dead cat, wishing I'd let them spend more time in my lap, that I'd pet them more, that I'd let them sleep in my bed.  That would be awful. 

The ones I have lost, I was …

"Now, don't freak out" "Well, I heard"

We got up at 2 AM today to go get a delivery.  The driver "forgot we were on the route" and was late.  Not only that, he was horrified when he got a look at me. 

"You cut your hair!"  Yeah.  I'm glad I did and everyone likes it. 
[gaping in horror]
"It's still me, you know." 
[gaping in horror]
"You want a sandwich?"
[nods mutely]
I guess I couldn't win them all. 

I think I'm going out of the mania, boo.  Ron's usual negativity is really starting to annoy me, which is generally a sign I'm running depressed.  If I really listened to him, I swear I'd kill myself. 

No, that is not a threat, but I'm not as good at tuning him out when I'm depressed.   Ron bounces in and out but I'm more persistent. 

Anyway, lots of work yesterday and today, but it's all done. 

I figured out a little trick for the headaches: I take a dose of Aleve (naproxen) before bedtime and wake up WITHOUT  a headache, unlike the l…

It's a moment

Sunday night the neighbors were making noise in the backyard (not much, but enough) until about an hour after my "bedtime".  I was pretty tired Monday. 

I have had a nasty headache pretty much every day, lately.  I went to work in spite of it and did what I had to do. 

I came home, got a nap, and watched a movie with Ron.  He swore it was "funny and really good".  I was not happy to see it was a Woody Allen film.  I found it very depressing, especially the adultery scene.  It, to me, ended the evening on a depressing note. 

Then I had a nightmare about Donald Trump.  Last night, I had a nightmare about Ted Cruz.  I asked God to make my voting clear, I want to put the right person in office, but I never expected actual nightmares

I'm sure at least one of them would be horrified. 

Anyway, horrible headaches every day this week so far.  Sunday had the vomiting migraine.  Monday had the bad headache.  Tuesday had the bad headache. 

"Why" Ron asked…

Yarn porn and poltics

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Ugh.  I woke up with a migraine today.  I didn't view it as "too bad" until I vomited about an hour ago. 

After that, I immediately began craving ice water.  I drank some, I've been OK, and the worst of the headache pain is gone. 

Maybe I just had to purge some toxins. 

Did you know I was an exercise bulimic?  I would binge and then do a 2 hour workout the next day.  One reason (aside from low energy levels) I don't have a formal workout plan.  I worry about resuming, injury, etc. 

Anyway, I did manage my God Time if not my shower. 

I fed Biscuit, gagging on the seafood fumes.  Then we took a nap (Biscuit and I). 

I slept, off and on, for a couple of hours, my headache got worse, I got up and took some more Excedrin, the last of the bottle.  Thank God I got more yesterday.  The 200 count bottle ought to hold me for a while.  I hope!  How awful it if only lasted a couple weeks! 

Side note: I told Doc I was a little worried about my OTC painkiller use.  &quo…

Tight

I was pretty pissed at Ron.  I didn't appreciate him throwing money at me and telling me to go away (to Walmart).

I woke up with a headache, feeling resentful.  I took a shower and did my God Time, then figured, screw it, I really do need those headache pills (I bought 400 today). 

I called Lou the cab driver.  He regretfully told me he couldn't do it: he had to take an old man to the bank, barber shop, and grocery store, and he wouldn't be done for hours.  I asked him if he could pick me up at Walmart around 11:30 and he said yes. 

Good, I told him.  I can get there, it's getting home I worry about.  One time I waited nearly 3 hours on a cab that never came.  He assured me he'd get me home (and he did). 

I called the cab company and a driver showed up within 10 minutes.  Impressive.  He was a very nice Nigerian man.  I met several, very nice, Nigerian men today. 

I do play favorites.  I love Nigerians.  They are very bright souls, fun, smart, and have a great…

Unacceptable

Ron is now drinking and sulking in the kitchen.  Why?  I wouldn't watch a movie with him. 

Well, to be more accurate, I wouldn't watch his movie with him.  When I turned on my TV "Riddick" was starting.  I like the series, I hadn't seen it.  I wanted to watch the movie so I did.  "Pitch Black" is still the best of the series. 

Ron could have watched it with me. 

He chose not to, then he sulked because I didn't watch the one he had chosen.  "Ron," I told him "I don't want to watch a romance movie every night." 

1.  It's unrealistic. 
2.  When married to an emotional abuser, it's very depressing.  I didn't tell him that.  I just told him I didn't want to watch a romance movie every night.  It is abusive to make me sit through a movie where the guy's all respectful and appreciative, when I don't have it.  Cruel.  I wish I could tell him that.  He would just say it was my fault, if I were "better…

"I'm interested in learning about God"

I store all my Bibles, in their boxes, on an industrial rack I keep in my living room.  It's the first thing you see when I open the door.  I also keep the Bible crate, a collapsible "milk crate" sized receptacle, on the rack as well, empty. 

Well, I had been storing it with the Bible bag and my safety vest, on the rack.  My elderly cat, Torbie, liked to sleep in it.  You'll see why this matters. 

You may or may not know they had a fatal shooting in 5th Ward, a "bad" neighborhood in NE Houston, not far from downtown.  A car was sprayed with bullets, a man died, two days ago.  While watching coverage of the event, I realized the corner had a "perfect" median for a Bible Handout, not to mention a clear need. 

I have wanted to "work" the 5th ward, in part because my husband grew up there and it's pretty grim.  I can always tell a bad neighborhood when the poor gas station clerk is locked in a Plexiglas cage, making change through a s…

That #6

I slept OK but woke up tired.  I had a headache.  Biscuit was begging for his num-num.  Spellchecker doesn't like that one (snort). 

Anyway, I got the cat fed, myself showered and dressed.  I did some of my God Time (did the rest later before I got online). 

We went to the warehouse and got supplies, then to work, stocked, came home.  I took a nap.  Ron wanted to go to the mall to get some takeout, that didn't work too well.  We ended up waiting an hour to go 4 miles. 

[sigh]  Ron was apoplectic.  I finally told him "I need you to stop".  He did, to his credit, for a while but he started up again. 

He was kind of needy, too.  Just when I was getting to the point of "LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY!" he went off and found something else to do. 

I think, like small children, he has an instinct for when I've had enough.  He's pestering the cable provider right now. 

Interesting: the other day, when I had my blood test, the tech told me her mom is bipolar.…

I need a hamburger

I got my test results. 

Lithium level: .59 (perfect)
A1C: 5.3 (not even prediabetic!)
Livers and Kidney (grin): all in normal range. 

Good.  I don't need any more trouble in my life. 

This morning was frustrating.  Ron had called Sam's, and the other store said they had Pepsi in the 16.9 ounce size.  Ron made a trip to go there this morning. 

They did not have it, they only had the 24 ounce size like our regular store.  I did buy some granola bars.  Then we had to wait over an hour for a ride to work.  Neither of us were very happy about that.  I got out my knitting and added about an inch and a half to the project.  The point protectors work very well for "storing" the half knitted row on the straight needles. 

One of my "boyfriends" - a very nice man I am friendly with, picked us up so that made it better.  We got to work and got started. 

Someone started yelling about the bottled vendor.  It had a glitch.  God helped me fix it and it was working fi…

A couple of straights

Somehow, last night, I ended up at "Let's do all my blood tests tomorrow". 

Not sure how that happened, I think I was a little manic.  Only manic, does it sound good to cough up hundreds of dollars and get a needle in my arm. 

I am also curious to get my A1C test results, because, if I have a blood sugar problem, I want to make it my bitch before it really harms me.  Not going to end up on dialysis (I will refuse it and die first), ulcers, blindness - really, BOTH of us?  Or amputations.  No.  Not if I can avoid it. 

My sugars remain about 20 points too high in the morning. 

I am also nearly due for my lithium level and chemistry panel.  Chem panel just basically checks if the livers and kidney working.  :p  I am at risk for kidney trouble due to the lithium, not a huge risk, but I need to be watched.  Doc scolded me several years ago, said lithium is only on the market because the doctors agreed to monitor kidney function every year.  Checking it yearly is NOT optio…

Yet another headache

Yesterday was pretty uneventful.  I slept in until around 8, God Time, shower. 

I got a pizza with my "rewards".  It cost me $4.60 (I upgraded the pizza).  The deliveryman and I had a good laugh over that, but I still gave him a decent tip. 

I am getting used to my hair.  I'm still not used to it lying on my cheeks, but everyone who can see me, loves it.  I know a couple of blind men besides Ron and they have offered no comment (:P). 

Anyway, I got a short nap yesterday, and Ron wanted to watch yet another romantic comedy.  He is a romantic at heart, plus it is easier to follow for a blind person as they are mostly dialogue.  I can fill in the blanks (he's kissing her, they are holding hands, she turned and walked away, etc.). 

I cried at the end.  I cry at everything except superhero movies.  I cry at commercials, too.  Ron thought it was sweet. 

Part of it, though, I was crying for myself.  My life did not go at all as I'd hoped.  I am married to a verball…