Showing posts from 2009

What a year!

I was shot, mugged, and covered in hives of a truly Biblical scope. Frosty went to Jesus. I handed out hundreds of Bibles, discovered that God has called me to evangelism, and started a regular program of Bible Study. I cared for my husband, managed a business, and learned to take better care of myself. I took Ron to a family reunion. I was attacked by an evil stray cat. I learned I love Chicory coffee, and Foodtown grocery stores.

As I started the year, I was just getting back on the bus again after a long hiatus. Ron was recovering from an allergic reaction to an antibiotic, it was a battle to get him to eat at all.

In January, I made the decision to deny myself access to a message board forum. I realized the forum was causing me a lot more stress than joy, and decided that I didn't need the aggravation. I haven't regretted the decision. I took Ron to a couple of doctors, with unsatisfying results.

February, I had a nasty gallbladder attack. Once I got over that, …

Would you fight for it?

I learned something interesting yesterday during my mugging. When someone tried to take my Bible from me, I fought for it.

While thug boy is now on my prayer list, and I'd be happy to GIVE him a Bible, I figured if he stole my Bible, he'd just throw it away. Yesterday, I learned that God's Word has such value to me, that I'm willing to fight for it. God's Word has sustained me through the worst times of my life, and I wasn't willing to let that boy take that comfort away from me.

So I fought, punching him in the face, to protect my Bible. You and I both know he'd have thrown in away if he'd gotten it.

I've learned a valuable lesson: When someone tries to take my Bible from me, I'll fight for it.

When the bag ripped and the Bible fell on the ground, he ran away like it bit him!

Mugging fail

Today I got mugged at the bus stop. "Highway robbery or "mugging" takes place outside and in a public place such as a sidewalk, street, or parking lot" - per Wikipedia.

Yup. First, I'll tell you what happened.

This morning I did my Bible Study. I had a nasty headache and decided to take my fake Excedrin. I took it. I had a "feeling" I shouldn't take my backpack today, so I didn't. I took a black canvas tote bag instead.

I put my Bible, a bottle of Diet Dr Pepper, 10 bags of "driver candy", and my fake Excedrin into the tote bag. I wore my cheap MP3 player around my neck. I had cash, but it wasn't in the tote bag.

I guess I should explain the whole concept of Driver Candy. In 1992, I was working at Target. I was a cashier, and my scanner was broken. That meant I had to type in every single UPC code by myself. All those digits! AAAAGH. People were getting in my line because it was "short", until they rea…

Don't tell them what to do!

It doesn't matter where I was at the time, but a few incidents came up recently.

I believe I have already blogged about one incident, where an obviously mentally ill person got very upset at me for taking my medication. She had a physical disability in addition to the obvious mania. I had gotten dizzy from medication and stumbled getting into the vehicle. Since I don't "appear" sick she asked me what was wrong. I believe the exact question was "You aren't SICK [contagious] are you?"

No, I told her, my medication had me a little dizzy. She asked me what I took and I told her. "For Bipolar disorder". She proceeded, in typical fashion, to tell me manic-depression was a "made up illness" designed to "Get you hooked on their drugs. You're addicted to those drugs!"

Uhm, how many blog entries have I bitched about horrible side effects? How many times have I typed out my resentment at losing b…

How I do it

I'm fully medicated so I might not be clear and concise. However, that's just the price tag of being medicated.

I was thinking today about the time I spend with God - how I do it, how I manage it... where I rise and fall.
First, let me introduce you to my tools.
My pocket size NKJV Bible - it has a read your Bible in a year plan in the back. It is very well loved, waterstained, and marked up. I have a simple cover, index cards with Bible verses, and other items stuffed into the carry pockets.
"Read your Bible in a Year" tract
"Morning and Evening" devotions by Charles Spurgeon
A few rather sad paperback books; picked up at thrift stores:
The One Year Book of Bible Readings; based on the Living Bible "To my friend Kirk, Love Beth"
and Daily Light from the Bible KJV "To my Grand-daughter Tasha, Read this book daily, it will give you the strength that you need to face the many different challenges that are a part of everyday life" - after …

Called to Evangelism by Christ Jesus

"For the Word of God is living and active. Sharper than any 2-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

"No one can come to Me (Jesus), unless the Father who sent me draws him...'They will all be taught by God.'. Everyone who listens to the Father and learns from Him comes to me." John, 6:44-45

My Mom talks about my "Ministry". I don't call it that... I'm just a saved sinner handing out Bibles to everyone. But if my "ministry" had a theme verse, it would be the above two. I don't tell people they're going to hell. I don't order them to repent. I don't preach salvation - but I put a "You're Special" salvation tract (either English or Spanish), a handwritten note ("I'll be praying for you daily!"), a Footprints bookmark / 10 commandments bookmark / and a "Read Your Bible in a Year&quo…

Chicken Little Fact Check.

Today, at work, a grown man was almost in tears at the thought of "Swine Flu". About 4 people have died in the last month in Harris county.

You know what I find a lot more alarming? 1191 people will die today, of smoking. Yet it's legal.
Over 118 people will die today, in a car wreck. Yet, I got into a car not once, but twice today!
232 people are going to be killed by alcohol, yet my husband drinks, and so do all my loved ones.
Up to a thousand people died today of obesity related complications, and I still filled the vending machines with fattening goodies!
29 people were murdered today, and I still left the house.
Eleven, out of every 100,000 women, die due to childbirth in America, yet women are still having babies.

It's all about perspective. Here's my source:

I hate to see someone of average intelligence fall into the Chicken Little trap due to "Ne…

God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble

No one has said it, but I'm a tremendously picky person when it comes to religion. I realize that. I've been church shopping.

I thought it would be pretty easy to find one near our home. Silly, silly, Heather.

I had a choice of a few near our home. One looked promising, until I investigated the website. Red flags came up. 1. They believe in KJV only. That's an issue for me, because KJV is at a 12 grade reading level. Many people don't read at that level, especially my evangelism market. I hand out the NEW KJV - which is approximately 7th grade reading, Bibles, and ESV (8th grade level) New Testaments. I would have no problem handing out the "God's Word" translations (Good News), as that was my first Bible. They're at 5th grade level. I don't think the version matters - as long as you're picking up the Bible and reading it on a regular basis! For me, that translates to NIV and NJKV generally, although I do like the ESV, God's …

As we forgive our debtors...

Oh, that little line in the Lord's Prayer. God's been laying it on me recently: I need to give up my grudges.

I carry bitterness in my heart towards various people: a woman who broke a commandment, people who swore I could depend on them and let me down when I reached out, an officer of the law who not only stole from my husband, but lied on the accident report - then came and said the accident was "All your fault because you let him out of the house." - I'm sorry. I didn't know my husband had to be LEASHED. I needed that money to pay the rent! Give me 10 minutes with that man - and immunity from criminal charges!

However, God provided, as He always does. I cannot carry around the anger and bitterness - it will affect my walk with Jesus. I'm sure Jesus is tired of watching me lug this backpack of resentment, hate, and bitterness. I lug it, and He asks me if He can take it. I yell at Him. He shrugs and walks with me, watching me grunt and heave …
I was battling another depression recently and decided to knit and watch "Ghost Whisperer" tonight. I experimented with a variation of my pumpkin pudding (not horrible, not delicious).

As I sat there watching the actress bring "closure" to all the families, it dawned on me that I, also, have some things to say. Why not say the public things?

So what do I plan to do? First, I have to say that while I woke up depressed, after 3 lithium total today I feel great, a little draggy but "good" overall. I know, that as a child of God, He has plans for me and I'm not to meddle with them. So I don't.

I do have a blue flash drive. I keep it on my computer desk. I will be writing letters for people.

I would also like to create a slideshow with photos and the tune "Don't you forget about me".

I would want people to know, that while I carried burdens, Jesus was with me every step of the way. I would like the "Footprints" poem pu…
Not bad for cell phone posts! I guess I was tweeting the last week? I dunno. Glad to be back online! Yeee-haw, what a fast horsey I've got now!
Doc doubled dose on Risperdal. It works and wont make me fat or goofy. Doc said - Very proud of (my) weight loss-. Now w-mart 4 pills.
Odd but true - watching -I didn:t know I was pregnant- on TLC makes me cry over poor Mom, who didn,t know she could hurt me with alcohol while pregnant.
Day Out. Mall, bunless burger, sporting goods store (cute t-shirt/NEUTRAL jacket). Cute baby-cat @ store but said no. Rain-med jacket ROOMY! Nevr gets old.
No computer. Maybe thursday? I would rather wait on an awesome job. Really tired but mood OK.
Laid up w/a nasty migraine for 29 hours. Now i need to catch up on chores and get eating again! Tomorrow w/b better.
Really missing you all.
Got 2 plus cases bibles. gave 3 already. w/b lazy 2morrow.
Getting a new to me computer. tuesday.
Taking pc 2 shop 2morrow. ron nice about it. glad i can do this.
Copying photos and tunes / puter up 4 now.
Seeing my doc next week. should be ok till then. miss u all.
Pc acting up. good day - handed out all the bibles and then some! bought more. hearing things and wierd thots..called doc 4 nu pill -2 cor 12:9-ten/hugs h

This is MY town!

Today as I rode the bus downtown, we crested a small rise and the city spread out before us.

A vision somewhat like the one above. As I viewed the skyscrapers, looked around at my fellow bus passengers, I thought the same thing I always do:

Damn, I love this town.

I first visited Houston when I was about 10 and I loved it; but never gave it any further consideration. I later visited with my husband in 1994 and was hooked.

"Everyone" said that Houston had a lousy economy, but I found far cheaper apartments, nice sounding ones. The jobs were plentiful and paid just as well as the ones in Northern California. I gleaned all this from reading the paper. As we rode around, we'd see "Free Rent" and "We LOVE our residents!" banners outside apartment complexes. Let's just say I never saw THAT

I actually used to take the bus, on Sundays, two towns over to purchase a Houston Chronicle, which I then read cover to cover. Sadly, I'm a hypocrite. I don't …

Depression Action Plan

I considered titling this "Lest I forget" but I thought some might be confused and think it related to the date. Regarding the date, I'll be praying for the families.

I got kicked in the head with a NASTY depression today. Even an extra dose of my beloved lithium didn't cut it. I sat around, beating myself up for every mistake I've ever made, and wallowing in misery.

I finally realized, I need to do NICE THINGS for myself. I am failing myself. I need to have a plan, that I act on, when I realize I'm getting depressed.

Today, things were a bit complicated because I'm a little mixed. I want to shop, spend money, and talk a lot. I have been burning up my keyboard posting on message boards. And I'm depressed. Not fun.

So, even though I knew it was coming (I have been manic for at least a week), it still caught me off guard and I suffered needlessly. Not to mention, Ron had all the fun of watching me struggle.

* Realize I am getting depress…

It all goes back to bad DNA and my disability

I was out for a bit with a finger injury. I have the dubious track record of two "avulsions" in one month - completely ripping of bits of skin, bleeding like a "mofo" and enduring the healing process. It was very fun trying to keep the steroid cream off the last one.

Anyway, I told Ron, it was just a bad month. I'm healing. I'm going to have some ugly scars. Not happy about that at all!

Part of me thinks I should try to eradicate them, upping my vitamin E intake and buying that "Mederma" cream - but I'd have to wait on the cream until I stop using the steroid stuff. I still need to use that daily, but not the 3x a day I needed.

The other side says, well, just wait and see. My husband is blind and the worst of the scars are on the backs of my upper thighs. I don't think a stranger would ever see them - I dress pretty modestly. I use the old high school rule, a couple of inches above my knees. Any more than that and I will only wea…
It's good to see Ron enjoying his food again.

I hit the wrong button...

And deleted some replies, but I am interested in "a dialogue".

One last thought for today. I know I am blessed.

I complain about mental illness, brain damage, hives, and a disabled husband. Sometimes I feel like I'm carrying an unfair load. I wish someone would focus on spoiling me rotten for a change.

But I am blessed. I have a home, in a safe, quiet neighborhood. No one's going to beat down my door in the middle of the night and take my husband away, or drag me off to a rape/torture camp. I am safe. If I had children, they'd be safe.

I have food security. I know where my next meal's coming from and my biggest food concern is losing weight.

I have an abundance of fresh, clean water... something at a premium in Mexico! I can drink water right out of the tap without walking miles to get it.

Our government is not out to "get" us. No "official" is going to take my husband's business away just because they can. We get to keep w…

On Race

A question was asked recently, why, in my other post, I would have been angrier if the woman was white.

First, let me tell you about the first black person I ever met. She was a professional, very polished and educated. She ran the daycare center. I attended every day. I greatly admired her, and she was the first stable female figure in my life. She was the same, day after day, a huge change from my family. My sister moved on, had her own life... my mother, but the teacher didn't.

She was probably the first woman I ever trusted. So, in my book, all black people were "cool". I attended a very affluent school district on the east coast. Our area was an international magnet, and we had many children from various cultures. It was pretty awesome, one of my best friends was a Cambodian girl. The boy down the street was Spanish. Leo spent every other year in Peru. All these children were from the upper crust of their societies, and I assumed all other cultures wer…

About me

What do I value?

It's an interesting question for me, and I've been thinking about this - so I thought I'd share a little of my philosophy.

Why am I here? I don't know. I do know that God has given me this life, that I am the only one who can do the job He's set me to do, and I can only do it with the burdens He has given me. God needs me like this.

I DON'T see myself as a martyr! Martyrs are dead! No thanks! The closest I ever got to martyrdom was the day that kid shot me with a BB gun. My disabilities are mixed blessings, and I do enjoy my unique outlook on life.

Overall, I'd say I'm VERY happy with my life. I enjoy my life and my hobbies. I enjoy my days out, exploring my city. I enjoy the time spent in my garden, even when it's so hot and sunny it takes my breath away. I can even say I enjoy my marriage. It can be a little challenging at times, like any relationship, but I married an interesting man.

Would I change him? Well, I'…

I'm healing, but it'll take a while

The above photo was taken today, the lower photo was taken 5 days ago.

The needy and the greedy.

She wasn't white. If she had been, I would have been even angrier.

We went to Walmart today, my husband and I. He's on Social Security and Medicare, and I could be, but have chosen not to. I have "enough" - I have never gone hungry or had a serious worry about losing my home, so I think I should save the money for the "deserving".

My husband is very limited in his ability to support himself. I keep him out of a nursing home, active, and occupied. I save the taxpayers a lot of money as a result. I feel fine about that. We only take what we need. Years ago, I was offered food stamps when I had to apply for Medicaid. I refused. "I'm not hungry, I don't need them. I have enough to eat." The social worker was baffled. As soon as I got insurance, I turned off the Medicare, even though it was "cheaper". Currently, I'm uninsured.

I don't generally see myself as feeling "entitled" to anything other than closed-captions …

"Sensitive System"

When I told Mom about my drug reaction to Lexapro, she made sympathetic noises and mentioned I'd always had a "sensitive system". It's aggravating, but true.

Compazine makes me manic.
So does Sudafed, and just about every antihistamine except Benadryl.
Corn, wheat, rice, any nut or nut product, chocolate, shrimp, sardines, coconut, and sugar alcohols give me migraines. Those are just the triggers I can think of off the top of my head.
I have to read labels before consuming something.
I have antacids in the medicine cabinet, along with a hefty stash of phenergan, an anti-nausea drug.
As a child, I caught just about every virus that came along.
I got my first pimple at age 9.
Major problems with cold sores until I hit puberty.
I've had migraines since toddlerhood.
I can't consume aspartame.

It's aggravating. I'd love to just go out and eat anything with no repercussions. I'd love to take a tablet without wondering what price I'll pay.

I'd love…

Adverse Event

I'm still pretty miserable, it's going to take time to heal. I did feel like I got an adequate night's sleep. I woke up and took some benadryl, scratched a little and went back to sleep.

I decided to report my "adverse event" to the FDA Medwatch program. Why? Well, they already know the product can cause a rash, perhaps people on lithium are more prone to it? Maybe this batch was bad, and has caused others suffering. I have the medication, and I'm happy to send it wherever if they want to test it. I want to prevent other people from feeling like this if I can help it.

Also, when I contacted my pychiatrist he didn't really know how to treat it. He suggested benadryl, which I have been using. However, the most helpful thing has been a course of steroids, 40 mg prednisone, 20 mg am and pm. Also a steroid topical cream. I'd love it if Forest would put out a memo to the doctors, stating that a protocol of oral and topical steroids is helpful s…

The Hive(s)

It was horrible. Last Tuesday, as I sat on a stool at the loading dock, I fell over. One second I was talking to a forklift driver about gardening, the next I was falling onto a heavy duty metal cart. Fortunately, I caught it with my right thighbone. The femur is the toughest bone in the body, which is a good thing!

If I'd hit my head, I would have had to go to the hospital. We came home and I viewed my injury in the mirror. I have a spectacular bruise the size of my entire hand, and I also noticed some odd looking black dots on the backs of my thighs. I took a nap.

When I awoke, my skin was on fire. The hives began on the thighs, and worked their way down. I have hives on my feet, hands, arms, and legs. I have a few on my torso!

Here's a "better spot" that was fairly easy to photograph:

You know how I feel about seeking medical attention, I waited a…

On a more positive note, picture time!

The Litter

A couple in Humble, Texas, was having fertility problems. She is a type one diabetic and had had thyroid cancer. They weren't conceiving.

They underwent fertility treatments and she became pregnant with sextuplets. Doctors said, with her medical history, it would be very unsafe to try to carry the pregnancies to term. She consulted her church (Mormon) and they said "Don't reduce the number of children you're carrying."

A choice like that is very personal, and I do feel should be left to the couple. Jon and Kate Gosselin chose not to reduce. From what I understand, Kate was in excellent health (other than fertility issues). Kate's story had a delightful ending, six beautiful, healthy, children running around the house, in addition to her firstborn, twins. When it comes to "outcome" - Kate beat the odds. She made the right choice, anyone watching the children on television would agree. Yes, I know she's getting divorced, I'm only focusing on the…

You can grow a balcony garden, 5-12 hours of sun!

If you have full sun, you can grow just about anything you want, in a pot. Do you want a rosebush? You can do it? How about a small tree, or a cucumber? Yes!

Let me tell you about some of the things I've grown in pots. First of all, you need to select a pot. A tomato plant, for instance, would like a 15-20 inch pot. That will be enough for you to get plenty of fruit! Cherry tomatoes, in particular, do very well. I have grown red pear, yellow pear, and Matt's Wild Cerry in pots. They all did VERY well, with more than enough for 2 people! When purchasing your supplies, you will want to get a tomato cage in addition to your pot, mulch, and potting soil. Ideally, (as mentioned in my other article), you can get ahold of some compost too.

I have grown them with drainage in the pot (styrofoam peanuts were my favorite), and without. They did well for me, either way.

What about other plants? Well, I have grown full-sized rosebushes EASILY. Reine de Violettes is a persona…

You can have a balcony garden - partial shade

Third floor balcony garden, 2002. I'm growing roses, an orangetree, herbs, and leafy vegetables.

You can have a balcony garden! This photo (leafy greens) was taken in 2000. I had no direct sun at all, but I still managed to grow some sugar snap peas, leafy greens, and bulbs.

Ron loves fragrant plants, and really enjoyed the fragrance of the bulbs. They grew quite well. I'll cover some simple, fun, ideas a little later on.

So, let's assume right now you have a balcony area. It doesn't get much sun, maybe 1-4 hours of direct sun a day. What can you grow?

Well, if you like to grow your own food, you can grow quite a bit. Any kind of lettuce, mesclun mix, or leafy green will do well. Someone recently asked me, "What leafy greens? I thought all leafy greens were lettuce?" Well, you can grow mustard greens (if your climate isn't too warm), beets, kale, collards (excellent in hot and cold climates), swiss chard (actually related to beets), and salad mix veggies, …

Garden bed adventures

I've had some fun and excitement digging up my garden beds. While digging up garden beds 1 and 5, for instance, I encountered a bag of trash, styrofoam cups (the environmentalists aren't kidding when they say they don't break down), shingles, and large chunks of concrete buried in the yard.

Garden bed 5 also produced a long metal chain, leading to a large dog collar. I found out years later the first homeowner bred pitbulls in the yard for 10 years. As a result, my soil had "unusually high" fertility, and I have a marked reluctance to grow root crops.

Garden bed 3 had the cursed pear tree. I kept cutting it off at the roots, it kept resprouting, and sending annoying invaders into beds 2 and 3. I finally dug a massive hole, crawled underneath the stump with my portable folding saw, and sawed at every root I could find. It was a horrible, messy, sloppy job. I made a blood offering to the garden when I sawed my hand by mistake. It took me years to get rid of…

"Coming to terms with medication"

Today I'm not up, or down. Ron's playing James Taylor, who's also bipolar. "Fire and Rain"

Not up or down. Today, I'm baseline - babble-speak for a normal mood, as it were. Today, I realized that an average mood for me, is going to be exhausted.

I love a properly medicated mania. Housecleaning, yardwork, I'm full of energy. It all gets done. Then I get depressed or baseline and I hardly have the energy to wipe my butt.

I'm not whining today; I met a waitress who "Didn't like" what lithium "Did to her" and is now running around unmedicated. She had a pretty good mania going, I was a little envious.

Now Ron's playing "Gloria" - which we feel also describes someone with bipolar disorder. I think of the homeless guy under the overpass "They said I was bipolar, and gave me pink pills (lithium), but I didn't like them so I stopped." Now he's an alcoholic, living under an overpass, begging for b…

Caregiver burnout

I just googled "caregiver burnout". The first website was a "hired help" agency. The second, also commercial in nature. It advised me to "stay involved in hobbies".

I like this site, I'll quote from it:
Providing care for a family member in need is a centuries-old act of kindness, love, and loyalty.
caregiving – if they come at all – are intangible and far off, and often there is no hope for a happy outcome.
Know your limits. Be realistic about how much of your time and yourself you can give. Set clear limits, and communicate those limits to doctors, family members, and other people involved.
Accept your feelings. Caregiving can trigger a host of difficult emotions, including anger, fear, resentment, guilt, helplessness, and grief. As long as you don’t compromise the well-being of the care receiver, allow yourself to feel what you feel.
Confide in others. Talk to people about what you feel; don’t keep your emotions bottled up. Caregiver support groups ar…

I'm not a drug addict

I recently realized a sore point, and I decided to "get it out".

Discrimination is alive and well. I can see why so many people are so secretive about hiding their mental illness.

Imagine this scenario: You go to the hospital. You HATE hospitals. You don't fear them but you really hate everything they represent, sickness and debility... crises, expenses, death. But you feel lousy enough that you finally head on into the ER.

You're in agonizing pain. They want your medical history. You give it. Drugs taken, Lithium, etc. Medical conditions: bipolar disorder and fetal alcohol syndrome. You can almost see the switch in their head.

They get brusque. You go to the chair and wait.

Someone comes in, you're scared. They examine you and you tell them the whole meds/bipolar thing. They go away. Finally, someone comes back. They draw blood and go away. You never do see a doctor... and when you see the medical assistant they tell you "Don't worry, w…

When did I know?

Before I start this, I need to say my mood is fine; I'm just contemplating.

As I checked the mail today, I saw the sporting goods catalog. They featured a handgun, on sale.

Three years ago, almost this time, I got another catalog. I saw the shotguns were "only" about $100. First thought, I could afford that. I found the page irresistable.

That gun would make suicide so easy. I was enthralled by that gun, enchanted, and mesmerized. I couldn't stop thinking about that gun. No more pain, for the cost of gun and shells! I could end my pain - that day! I couldn't stop thinking about the gun or planning my suicide.

I battled it for about 2 weeks, and decided to see my doctor. The rest is history. I was diagnosed and eventually received proper treatment. I'm not suicidal anymore, even when I cycle depressed.

In fact, I can predict that a "basic" depression will run about 2 weeks, followed by a 1-2 week mania, then about a month of baseline moo…

Message from God

I've been reading my Bible since I could read, nearly 30 years. I've been running depressed lately, I injured my dominant wrist, and feeling very unappreciated by my husband. Was it really him? The depression? Hard to say, but today he did say he wants to "repair" our relationship.

I have a couple "Read the Bible in a Year" tracts. I hand most of them out, but I kept 2 for myself. With all my programs combined, I probably read it 3-4 times a year, actually.

Occasionally I get redundancies... a chapter I read yesterday, on program 1, is on the menu for program 2 today. That happened to me this week.

First, I need to talk about the book of Job. I hate the book, actually. I find it incredibly depressing. Job was a very good man, the Bible says "He was blameless and upright, he feared (respected) God and shunned evil (Job 1:1). God and the Devil are talking, and God says "No man in the world is more devout than Job" (1:8). Satan repl…
I had a lot of fun today. I drank 3 powerade zeros when I got home, during and after my shower!
Out. 97 degrees. Sunny. ack!

Price Tag

Today I got toxic. I wasn't surprised. It's been exceptionally hot (heat index in mid 100's), humid, and sunny. I've been outside quite a bit. I'm probably a bit dehydrated.

On top of that, while battling a horrendous depression, I upped my lithium. Ugh. The two circumstances collided today and I'm still reeling.

Queasy! Queasy! Belching! Cramps! Gastric issues! Ugh! Lots of sighing and groaning, lots of pepto onboard, and out came the Powerade Zero and Kitchen Basics Chicken Stock - both wonderful products. I'm resting and trying to coddle myself.

I've been drinking, and drinking, and drinking some more, because the kidneys eliminate Lithium. I need to get my levels down. The toxic and therapeutic doses run awfully close together, it would be fascinating, if one day, they could develop a portable meter like my glucometer (blood sugar meter). I could stick my finger, or pee on a stick, and see my lithium level.

However, the depression…

Photo time!

Sorry it took me so long.

I'm feeling better now.. whacked it with lotsa lithium. Which comes with it's own baggage. :p
Bad day - deppression kicking me hard. i took xtra lithium.
Back in town. at work waiting on sandwich delivery.
Said no 2 dessert - have berries and cream back in my room!
At waffle house in g-town.
I raided supply closet - no tp. ick. didn/t get yelled at but they locked closet!
At bus station. going 2 galveston. 1 hr b4 departure.

Where's the Sacrifice?

Today I had a drug interaction. I took a chromium supplement with my lithium, and the chromium magnified the lithium side effects.

I walked around stupid all day, running into walls, running over my feet with my hand-cart at work, and hardly able to articulate my thoughts. It was pretty awful, I was happy to come home and go to bed.

So grateful that I COULD just go to bed. So grateful I don't have a child depending on me!

I took a nap for a few hours. When I woke up, I still felt fairly crappy. As I looked at my clock, I realized it was PILL TIME. I had to take more of what had made me ill, or risk getting "sick".

Days like today I can see why people give up and stop their bipolar medication. It's hard to take the long view when you forget to pull your underwear down in the bathroom, and you have to stand up again, battling dizziness, to do so. It's hard when people stare at you or you can't communicate a simple thought to a co-worker or your spouse. …