Saturday, December 31, 2016

"Don't you want to die?"

What a year end. 

Ron cancelled my trip to Walmart.  Apparently, he's above going.  "Take a cab" he said.  One, we aren't made of money, and a cab ride is $20 one way.  Second, while cabs are quite happy to take a person to Walmart, they won't pick you up again.  Remember that one time I waited two and a half hours before I called Chuck? 

So, Ron said, call Chuck to pick me up.  And hope, I guess, he doesn't have a health problem.  Ron's answer to that "Don't you want to die?"

No, I told him, I don't, and WE certainly don't need me with a pair of broken legs, either.  I told him after everything I've done for him, it's the least he could do, get me a guaranteed ride to and from Walmart. 

Why do I need to go?  To get CAT LITTER of all things.  Ron apparently doesn't care if the cats crap all over the house. 

I know why he won't help.  He wants to stay home and drink. 

We had an argument about it.  I figure the least he can do, in exchange for me helping him out, is to give me the occasional ride to Walmart 1x a week.  I'm not asking for 3 hour trips, I generally need an hour.  I get him everything he wants while I'm shopping, too.  I also get cat supplies, so it's not like it's "my" trip. 

Yet if I wanted to go to some vitamin store he'd probably do it.  Ridiculous. 

During our conversation, Ron was playing with Baby Girl "I thought she was Biscuit" and made her hiss at him, cuss him out, and give him a swipe.  Way to go, Baby Girl.  She doesn't like people to play roughly with her tummy. 

She left.  I don't know where she is.  Biscuit is hovering because he knows I will be giving him his can of cat food pretty soon. 

I got a pretty decent nap this afternoon, with Torbie.  She's very sweet. 

I thought she was Biscuit at first, he likes to lay on my legs sometimes, but it was her.  She's a good cat. 

Now I just need to scoop the litter box-es and maybe go to bed early, after I call my Dad. 

Happy Face

Yesterday I got up at about 2:30 AM and got ready for work.  We had a soda delivery inbound. 

People always want to know when the delivery arrived.  In my mind, that doesn't matter.  It arrived before we had to leave, that's all that matters. 

I did my stocking and helped Ron with his.  The bottled vendor was acting up but hopefully I fixed it.  The fix involves 409 and a switch on the cup assembly.  It was working when I left, that's all I can say. 

Ron said he would give me the money he would have spent on a repair, if it's still working on Tuesday.  We'll see. 

I also did sandwiches.  We had a very slow month for sandwiches.  I'm glad Ron finally cut the order in half. 

The other vendor's wife wanted to know how I was feeling, she gets sinus infections herself.  I told her I thought of her when I had it, how much it must suck to get them so often.  She agreed. 

We left and came home after doing everything. 

I took a nap.  We got up.  Ron wanted to go to Carl's Junior and get some chicken strips.  I wasn't really hungry but I went along anyway.  He ate his chicken strips, didn't make a mess with the sauce (!), and I ate a single patty burger. 

Our driver came early but rode us around for over an hour before dropping us at home.  That was a long ride. 

We must have gone to 6 dialysis centers yesterday, total.  One of the dialysis patients was sick with a cold.  I kept hoping it was the one I already had.  I tried to be understanding: they have to go out in public and get their treatment, or they'll die.  That's pretty simple. 

I just wished the driver hadn't had to handle her wheelchair, and then handle Ron's, without washing.  When we got home I made Ron wash his hands, washed mine, and used disinfecting wipes on the wheelchair handles and brakes.  That's all I can do. 

At least I didn't have anyone begging me for candy.  They can be pretty rude about it, and I have YET to meet one person who mentions the "How to know Jesus" booklet I put in with the candy.  If I felt people were reading the booklet, and they weren't so demanding about the candy, I might still be doing it.  This is generally other passengers.  The drivers are far more polite. 

We came home and I fixed up my humidifier.  It has to be soaked in vinegar (the head) to remove scale before it can be used.  I soaked it, rinsed it, and set it up again.  Once I had it set up I went to bed early.

I slept a long time and woke up pretty thirsty, to Ron telling me he wasn't taking me to Walmart.  It was going to rain during the time we'd be there, and we'd be there "too long" (an hour and a half).  I reminded him the cats needed litter and he told me to take a cab.  Nice.  I turned off my alarm and went back to sleep. 

I had a strange dream.  At first, I was preparing to leave a place I'd been staying.  I have that dream pretty frequently.  In it, I'll try to get to the airport or something.  In this dream, I left behind a bottle of Jasmine perfume because I didn't think it would travel well. 

Then the dream changed and I was sitting on the floor, surrounded by pills.  I was doing up my medication and trying to keep it all straight.  I saw a mound of bright yellow "happy face" characters.  They had large grins, arms, and little legs.  "Oh, candy" I thought, and put a large handful into my mouth.  Then I realized they were medication and I would kill myself if I ate the mouthful.  I began picking them out of my mouth, finding broken off arms and legs as I pulled the happy face characters out of my mouth and put them back on the floor. 

Strange dream.  I got up after that, fed Biscuit (he'd been waiting patiently), ate my protein bar, and took my pills.  No yellow happy faces, though.  That would be cool if antidepressants came like that, though. 

I did my God Time and I'm about to take my shower.  I plan to rest up a lot today because it's going to sound like the end of the world, tonight.  My neighbors take their fireworks very seriously. 

Thursday, December 29, 2016

"I didn't believe in God back then"

I slept a little better last night, but I coughed up a lot of green crud in the shower this morning.  I definitely had a sinus infection, but it's on the way out. 

I took my pill and we went to the bank, after I took my shower and did my God Time.  It took a while at the bank. 

After the bank, we went out to our favorite taqueria.  Chuck doesn't like Mexican food, but he got some grilled shrimp.  I got a quesadilla "for here" and one for tomorrow.  They store pretty well.  Ron got two burritos, one to eat there and one for later. 

Tomorrow's going to be a long day so I want something easy to eat when I get home.  I also need to make up some sandwiches for Ron. 

We had a pretty good lunch.  Chuck made some comments about the phone call last week, in a joking manner, but still awk-ward for me.  At least Ron told Chuck, during the infamous phone call, that I was yelling at (Ron) to shut up. 

Ron started talking his old psychobabble stuff.  He attended some psychology classes, in California, in the 70's.  Liberal city.  One of the required reading books was "open marriage". 

Back in the 90's. Ron used his "psychology" to manipulate and extort me into consenting to his so-called "open marriage" (he cheated, I didn't).  It is a very bad moment in my life.  Worst of all, he went around telling his other women that I supported him in this.  I didn't, and he knew that.  They didn't.  Then he'd get drunk, and tell me all about them sexually, knowing I didn't want the details.  Ugh. 

"I didn't believe in God back then".  We didn't get into the above paragraph in front of Chuck, but I told him I didn't believe in "psychology" anymore, especially his flavor "Transactional Analysis" which no one uses anymore.  It was basically a way for people to judge and pigeonhole other people.  He did that a lot with me. 

One thing the book never discussed, either, was organic causes of brain dysfunction.  It went so far as to say a schizophrenic had a "bad mommy".  It never even acknowledged bipolar disorder, so Ron and I had a lot of conflict. 

Ron got defensive about it and then said "Well, you don't like it because your mother was into it".  No, I told him, I hate it because you used it to take advantage of me.  That's what makes me angry.  I didn't even know my mother had been into it until I had been blindly following Ron for a couple of years. 

[Later on, we had a discussion about it.  Ron's still going to use his slangy psychobabble pet phrases, even though they make me angry and signify nothing.  Someone into psychology like him would not be a verbal abuser, or an alcoholic, right?  Wrong.  I didn't say that, though. 

I did get Ron to agree to stop bringing my mother into it.  She has nothing to do with my pain and anger.  ]

We came home.  The #6 kids, all 6 of them (ha ha) were outside playing on the other side of my bedroom wall.  I was tired enough I took a nap anyway.  I know my immune system is most active when I'm sleeping. 

I wonder how many new parents get colds and flu from sleep deprivation, the first year of Baby's life?  A lot, I bet. 

I also noticed #2 is ripping out the carpet.  I guess the hoarders really did a number on the house.  Sad thing, you know they're not going to get any of that money back for repairs. 

I just hope the next tenants are nice, quiet, and stay out of the yard.  If they don't, we will put a padlock on the gate.  Other people in the subdivision do it all the time. 

I did cover up Ron's bedroom window with a sheet.  He has a bad habit of lying in bed naked, in front of the window.  I have begged him to cover up but he won't.  This way, at least, no one will see him. 

I had taken all my medication, and when I took my nap I slept pretty well.  I even had some dreams and I didn't wake up coughing.  I am debating waking myself up to take another mucus pill at 8, or just trying to sleep without one. 

At any rate, I need to go to bed.  I have an early wakeup for a Dr Pepper delivery.  It should be an interesting day. 

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Working when sick

I just talked to #2's landlady.  She wants to have her guy trim the hedge between the houses.  OK, I'm fine with that.  I just hope they leave enough that I have some privacy left in the front room. 

However, I have to figure the yard guy is not going to cut the hedge down to the ground.  He's a yard guy and he will make it look better without butchering it.  He does this for a living. 

She also said something about the leaves in the yard.  We've gotten a lot of leaf fall the last couple days.  She wants to have the yard guy clean that up. 

Of course I said yes.  1.  I want to stay on her good side - she would make a bad enemy and 2.  It's free yard work. 

She's pretty desperate to get the place rented.  I wonder if she found more rat poop inside the house, or whether the man got rid of it before he left.  I didn't mention it to her, because she'd have pointed that anger at me. 

But I wouldn't want my cat in there, much less my husband or child. 

Not my problem.  I won't say anything to the new tenants. 

Yesterday we went to work, came home, I tried to take a nap, took my pills, went to bed.  Pretty standard "working when sick" fare. 

This morning we got up and went to the warehouse.  The driver had an open, powered, laptop sitting in the front passenger seat.  I would have acted like I wanted the seat even if I didn't just to get him to turn it off or move it.  He also had two gallon jugs of water and a big jug of cranberry juice.   He was an African migrant, I could tell by his accent. 

I have to figure he had a bladder infection.  Men don't get them very often because they have a long urethra.  Just a guess. 

Anyway, he decided to put his 3 jugs into the driver's foot compartment, where the gas and brake pedal live.  Then he had troubles working the right-hand pedal due to the jugs, he had to keep moving them.  He wasn't a safe driver in other regards, either. 

Lastly, he had the window down.  I would have appreciated him asking if I minded, because the wind kept blowing my hair into my face.  It was very annoying. 

I was really happy to get out of there.  One we unloaded he apparently left and I vented a little to Ron, he was an unsafe driver, I didn't like the open window, and what was with all the jugs of water?  "We're not in Africa anymore" I said.  "You don't need all that water.  You can get water anywhere here."  Then I heard the cab, windows still open.  Ooops.  It was parked about 100 feet away but he probably heard me. 

Oh, well.  I didn't say anything awful. 

We went in and I tried to get the items on Ron's list.  However, the store was out of 20 ounce Ozarka water.  They had two cases.  One was pretty much destroyed, and the other was destroyed.  I went with the first case. 

I got the other drinks and loaded up on snacks.  For once, I had the room. 

I paid with $5 bills, the cashier was pretty annoyed.  Then the cart attendant ran off with my receipt (he was just eager to get the truck loaded but we need the receipt for accounting purposes), so I had to forget about buying my fountain drink (I usually buy one) and chase after him. 

I was due for my mucus pill.  They are working so I try to be vigilant.  Since I didn't have a drink I drank one of our diet Cokes when I took it.  I had just bought the Diet Cokes.  I'm not really a fan of the drink, but I'll drink it if there's nothing else.  I really liked the Diet Coke with Lime they had a few years ago, or Diet Coke with Lemon.  Both were really good drinks. 

We got the truck loaded and went to work.  It was uneventful. 

I got the carts and unloaded the truck. Some people, there to attend a training, kept gaping at me.  I wondered how they thought the treats got into the vending machines.  I assure you it is someone with a cart, bringing the goods. 

We finished up and left.  Our driver was waiting for us.  We had a straight trip. 

I got Ron in the house and tried to take a nap.  #2's landlady had brought her whole family for the house cleanup.  They were pretty quiet but the dog behind us was not.  It barked every minute or two, during my entire (attempted) nap. Normally it is a very quiet dog.  I don't know what had it so upset. 

Now random people are setting off firecrackers, and not a peep. 

I did sleep a little. 

I got up and did my God Time, got on the computer for a little bit. 

I'm still sick but gradually (I hope) getting better.  I don't have any pain, just sinus drainage down the back of my throat, and coughing.  The tablets help with that. 

I'll be glad when this is over.  Oh, and I'm getting depressed. 

Great. 

We stocked.  Things were pretty slow so I wasn't worried about leaving the machines tomorrow. 

We will be back very early Friday morning. 

I finished up and

Monday, December 26, 2016

"I'll never drink before noon"

I slept OK and woke up coughing.  I am really sick of sinus drainage, but God knows I want it.  No drainage = infection and excruciating pain.  I took my sinus pill and went back to sleep. 

When I woke up, a little later, Ron was drinking in the kitchen.  I remember once he told me "I will never drink before noon.  If I ever do that, I'll know I'm an alcoholic."  But he's "forgotten" that and I'm through fighting with him over alcohol. 

I ate a protein bar, took my morning medication, took my shower, and did my God Time.  I tried to take a nap but it didn't work out.  Ron was playing something on his talking book machine I will term "inappropriate".  He was asleep.  I turned it off. He woke up and turned it on again.  I asked him to turn it off, but he was too drunk to figure out what I wanted.  He kept looking for the "remote" in his fanny pack.  I finally just turned it off myself and this time it stayed off. 

I watched TV, got on the computer, and did a load of laundry.  The stain remover really does an amazing job.  I hung up the clothes and Ron woke up. 

We decided to get pizza.  I got a medium for myself and had two slices.  I'm still not very hungry. 

We work tomorrow. 

My big experiment for tonight: taking the mucus pill with the cough suppressant.  I need a break from the coughing or I'm going to pull a muscle! 

Sorry this is so short but I just feel like crap. 

PS - the cats are fine. 

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Merry Christmas!

Ron woke up around 9, triumphantly gloating the neighbors hadn't had a party. 

I was in bed, listening to screaming, yelling, and intermittent thumps from next door.  "They ARE having a party!" 

"Well, I don't hear it" (drunk, with his headphones on and his hearing loss).  Well, good for you.  I sure did. 

I just hope they don't have another one tonight like they did last year.  Although, last year, they had some kind of home church/party on the 24th, and then a straight party on the 25th.  However, I'm sure a lot of people have to work tomorrow so I'm hoping they don't have a party. 

Anyway, here's to hoping I get some good quiet sleep. 

I am feeling "better" in some regards, yet still crappy in others.  The good news, everything is draining.  Bad news, it makes me cough. 

Cough suppressants can make me jittery, so I want to avoid them at night. 

I got up and did my God Time.  Still haven't taken a shower yet.  It's my day off and I'm sick. 

I waited until Ron was up, and gave him the largest present to unwrap.  It contained a case of cat food for Biscuit!  I asked for a can!  He's going to be so happy!  We also got cat treats, a large jar of cashews for Ron, I got a tungsten ring I had wish-listed on Amazon, and a few other treats. 

I was very happy with everything I got, especially as I had forgotten Mom could access my wish list.  I've been wanting a new ring, one that makes it easy to wash my hands, and now I have it.  With the other ring, which I still love, I always worried about sanitizer or soap damaging the abalone shell inlay.  I'm wearing the ring now, which fits perfectly (I am an 8 right now), has a nice amount of sparkle, and some interesting detail.  And it didn't cost her much. 

I tried to take a nap but I couldn't, so I got up again and watched some house hunting TV shows.  It is funny.  All the women are whining for stainless steel appliances.  I loathe stainless.  It reminds me of my foodservice days.  I find it really sad that families of 2 want a house with 2,000 square feet.  Ron and I share a home with 3 cats and have about 900 square feet. 

If you've ever watched one of those shows, you know what they want when they are making their wish list. 

Here's part of mine:
Good heater and AC
Window above the kitchen sink
On site washer and dryer
Separate room for Ron.
Wheelchair and mobility device friendly.
Tile floors (I got them in the common areas) 
Big yard for a garden.
Structurally sound (well, we had a loser on that one - the infamous bathroom wall issue, but other than that OK)

I am happy with my list and I stand by it.  I think God would have approved of it, too. 

[Hack, sniffle]  Ugh.  Still sick, but hopefully getting better. 

I really hope I don't have to go see Doc.  That's $100 in addition to what I have to pay every month for my crappy health insurance.  [hack hack]  Not to mention cab fare there and back, all the cooties in the waiting room, etc.  Yeah, really hoping to avoid a visit to Doc. 

Don't get me wrong, I love the man, he's a great doctor, but seeing him is not my idea of a good time.

I never did get "my" nap.  I was just too wound up from the caffeine this morning and probably my Children's Claratin as well. 

Around 3, I called Mom and Dad to thank them for the gifts.  They were happy to hear from me and we had a good conversation. 

I also called my aunt, she didn't pick up so I left her a message.  I don't expect a callback, she is busy with 6, I think, grandkids. 

My phone should auto-debit tomorrow, here's to praying everything works out.  Now that I understand what happened (Ron failed to pay the credit card), I think we should be OK. 

I turned on my computer and chatted for a while with a guy in Kenya.  He pays rent of about $50 a month for a one bedroom house.  Sounds pretty nice!  Wow, you could do some amazing missions work on no budget, assuming you knew the languages of course.  Although native missionaries are the cheapest.  They are used to living the way the other people in the country live, and won't have to set themselves up with "much needed" American-style amenities.  I told him a little about housing in Texas and California, enough to make him appreciate his own situation.  I hope. 

Almost 13 years into owning my own home, and I think it's a good size.  It's usually quiet and I appreciate that, as I work odd hours. 

20 minutes until I can take my mucus pill. 

Oh, I had a couple of plain hot dogs and a 1 ounce bag of fake Fritos for dinner.  I made Ron a sandwich and he was happy with that.  He is pretty easy to please, he's not one of those "Woman, cook me dinner every night" types. 

Thank God. 

I'm coughing again so I'm going to go. 


Saturday, December 24, 2016

If I wanted to punish you, I'd hide your vodka bottle

I woke up around 1 AM with throbbing pain on the left side of my face.  Funny, normally I have right-sided pain. 

This will require some explanation.  When I was 12, 4 teeth were removed under a local.  From a bipolar child.  You can imagine how that went.  Well, the doctor broke a root and left a fragment in my upper right jaw. 

When I went for my wisdom teeth removal at age 19, the doctor found a "mass" in my jaw, where I had the tooth removed.  Great.  They had to cut open my jaw, in addition to pulling 4 teeth (they used a drill and chipped away at the bone, I can still feel it in my jaw) - all in all, a hellish procedure.  It affected my right frontal sinus cavity, so when I have trouble it's always there. 

I was fairly surprised to have left side pain.  I had to get up, take a washcloth, wet it, and microwave it, then holding it to my face for a period of time until it cooled.  Then repeat.  I also applied some topical tea tree oil. 

I drank a lot of water, and when I felt a little better I went back to bed.  I didn't sleep great. 

I had turned off the hall light before I turned off the computer room light.  So, it was totally dark as I left the room.  I stepped on something live and it meowed at me.  It was Torbie. 

I felt horrible, stomping on my poor elderly cat.  I picked her up and brought her to bed to show her I was sorry. 

She got her revenge, hogging one whole quarter of the bed.  I had a hard time rolling over or adjusting myself. 

But, to be honest, I wasn't sleeping that well anyway.  I woke up and did the compress, put some tea tree oil, and went back to bed.  I slept a little better after that and I think I woke up with no sinus pain. 

I did my God Time, ate a protein bar, took my medication, and went back to bed.  I have my alarm set to wake me up at 6:30 to take my mucus pill. 

I am hydrating as much as possible. 

I tried to sleep as much as I could today, which wasn't much.  I did manage a little.  I took my shower, making sure to stick my head under the showerhead as much as possible to let the hot water run over my face. 

Ron has been pretty cruel about me being sick.  He can't stand it when someone else needs attention or sympathy.  He gets vicious.  He did with Chuck, he did with me.  So I don't even tell him what's going on. 

If I hacked up a lung I would just call 911.  I wouldn't even tell him because he would just call me names, call me weak, say I am "an old lady", etc.  Like I said, vicious. 

I told him he got waited on hand and foot for an entire month when he had the surgery, while I have worked sick every day since I got sick.  Who is weaker? 

He decided to spend the day in a drunken stupor.  That went fine for a while. 

The neighbors, #6, made a lot of noise around 7 PM.  I thought "Here we go" and woke Ron up. 

It is traditional in Mexico to have a big Christmas eve party, and boy have they been loud in the past.  Ron and I had made an agreement to go to work if they were having a party, and it looked like they would be. 

He became very vicious.  He didn't want to go to work, which was our plan if the were going to have a party.  He agreed to this.  He's not sick, what's the problem? 

Some highlights:
I should have a blackout to hur- punish you. 

I'll "let" you go somewhere on Monday if you want. 

You are trying to run from something in your head by going to work. 

You just want me to go to work to punish me and [dominate] me. 

This is all "Your" God's fault. 


I told him, if I wanted to punish him, I would hide his vodka bottle.  He got pretty upset at that.  I told him nobody "let" me go anywhere.  Besides, between us, I will probably need the money for the doctor.  I doubt Ron will help me out. 

I didn't address the other comments. 

And the really sad thing, this is not the first Christmas Ron has become verbally abusive and drunk. 

To the inevitable question, why do I stay?  Well, a couple of reasons. 

I believe in keeping my commitments, even if other people don't keep theirs (to love and cherish).  I may not be able to love him all the time, but I'm not going to ditch him because he has problems. 

I have been left in my life, I know what that feels like. 

I believe God wants me to tough it out - with His help.  Mainly #1 and #3. 

Now off to bed with the humidifier, which really does help, and a lot of water by my bed for me to drink when I wake up thirsty. 

I have to stay hydrated. 

#6 has apparently settled back down and will be having a quiet evening.  #7 is having a get together but it's very quiet, I wouldn't know unless I looked out the window and saw all the trucks out in front of his house. 

That's my kind of party. 

Friday, December 23, 2016

Slow year

I woke up feeling a little better.  I had slept better and the drilling pain in my frontal sinus cavity was gone.  So was the earache. 

Maybe I could work today.  Ron had texted me a horrifying list of drinks he needed to fill the machines.  I'd have to pick all them up, put them on the cart, get them through checkout, (cart attendants help load the truck so I'm free on that), cue joke about "keeping" cart attendant to help at work (we both laughed, I think, seriously, if I did try to steal him he would come), then I have to unload the truck with Ron's help (yes, I abuse the poor cripple with the bad back), put everything on the carts, push the carts in, fill the fridge, etc. 

I wasn't looking forward to any of it.  I took a pepto tablet with my morning meds, apparently the mucus pill is a little irritating.  As evidenced by yesterday's vomiting episodes.  I took the mucus pill, my headache prevention tablet, and my antidepressants. Bare bones. 

I ate a protein bar and drank a Diet Mountain Dew. 

Our ride came.  I did everything in paragraph 2, plus I got some snacks (it turns out I didn't need some of them). 

Chuck got us and took us to work.  He was fine.  We didn't have any problems.  Ron and he are BFF's again.  Just when I think I have people figured out, I realize I don't.  I'll just end that there. 

I didn't have any problems getting the stuff in the building.  I wore my back brace.  Can you imagine how it would suck if I pulled a back muscle?  With all the coughing?  Oh, no.  Better to walk around in my overtight "girdle". 

Speaking of, my pants are falling off.  These are 24's.  I think I need to check my 22's again.  It was embarrassing, they were really sagging like a homeboy's.  Thank God I wore cute underwear, I may have flashed while moving some cases of soda. 

Once I got into the building I loaded the fridge full of drinks.  We store 3 teas, 3 Cokes (bottled drinks, all of it), a Dr Pepper, a Sprite, and 8 waters in the fridge.  Ron also stores some backup canned soda in case he runs out.  I only had to "install" 6 waters.  Later on, I took out 3 so Ron could stock. 

Then I went to stock snacks.  Snack #3 needed cookies, I did that.  I checked 1 and 2.  They only needed 7 bags of plain Lays.  OH-kay.  Slow business.  I stocked it, and checked the change bank, which needed filling.  The machine gives at least a nickel back (70 cent price point) on each transaction so I go through a lot of nickels.  One day I found a guy putting all nickels into the machine to buy his treat and I almost cried for joy.  I made a point of thanking him for filling the change bank. 

Ron needed sodas, but not a lot.  I helped him.  Then I did the sandwiches, we threw out a lot.  It's just been a slow year. 

I felt moderately crappy while I did all this, but I was certainly able to work.  I tried to avoid my favorite customers.  I don't know if I'm contagious but I don't want to get anyone sick.  I also washed my hands a lot. 

Ron found out we get Monday off.  No sandwiches.  Well, we'll enjoy it. 

I gave a present to someone I like at work and she asked what kind of sweets I enjoy.  I told her "Peanut butter" - true, and then told her to do the shopping the day after Christmas when everything's half off!  I won't care! 

I always start to feel lousier right before it's time for my mucus pill.  I have about a half hour on it. 

I'm tired. 

So, back to work.  I did all that, finally time to go, left and came home.  We had a straight trip.  That was really nice.  We have been getting a lot of straight trips lately.  It's a gift. 

Nothing more annoying than driving half an hour to someone's apartment complex, going over 30 speed bumps, sitting outside the apartment, and then they aren't even riding.  At 5 AM.  Very frustrating. 

We came home, I ate some cottage cheese (I felt like I "could" eat, and it stayed down) fixed up my humidifier, and took a nap. 

I slept pretty well for a couple of hours, until the neighbors started making yard-care noises.  Someone else was running a circular saw. 

At least I feel I am getting a decent quality of sleep.  I'm rubbing a little tea tree oil over my sinus cavities now and then to help things along, but not really doing any other "remedies".  Anything that goes in my mouth seems to upset my stomach and I don't want to vomit again. 

I just have to leave it up to my immune system. 

Thursday, December 22, 2016

"She'll be better by then!"

Today I graduated to a sinus infection, and vomiting. 

I woke up feeling awful.  I have been sloppy about handwashing lately, partly because I don't think my "new" wedding ring can tolerate the soap, partly just lazy.  I blame this illness on lack of handwashing, improper diet, and stress. 

Which is kind of like kicking myself when I'm down.  "You feel terrible and it's all your fault!" 

Sadly, I have a pretty long history of Christmas illnesses.  I always seemed to catch the latest flu around Christmas every year, as a child.  I got a bladder infection last year, and another sinus infection back in 2012. 

I got up, showered, and took my 12 hour mucus pill, let that settle, ate a protein bar, and took my morning meds.  I watched Supernatural for a while.  TNT has the "new" season, which I haven't seen.  I made a raspberry lemonade with extra vitamin C.  I watched two episodes and then realized my stomach was upset. 

I knew I was in trouble when I started salivating.  I had been using my puke bucket as a trash can, so I frantically emptied it out as my stomach surged and roiled.  Oh, crap, here it comes. 

I made it.  Everything went into the bucket, it looked like the lemonade.  Maybe no more lemonade, eh? 

I took a nap.  I woke up and ate nothing.  I drank water.  I vomited again.  My sinuses were really unhappy by now. 

I have to figure my stomach is upset from all the extra supplements, etc., I have been taking, on top of my regular pills.  I took the last of the pepto liquid. 

I took another nap.  I slept pretty good until #6 let the kids out.  I looked out front, the "Mom" car was gone.  When Dad watches the kids he sends them out in the (tiny) yard to play. 

I lay in bed ruing the day I bought a house next to 6 children.  It got worse, now he fired up a leafblower. 

I gave up and did my God Time.  That went pretty well, considering.   He finished about the same time I did.  The kids had gone back in the house. 

I'm sick, let's go back to bed.  Nope.  He fired up the leafblower two more times in the next couple hours, waking me up both times. 

And the kids knocked a soccer ball into my yard, meaning I will have to pick it up with my germy hands, transferring this virus to the soccer ball, and throw it back.  I almost feel sorry for the kids. 

I decided I will at least wash my hands before I return it.   Hopefully the UV rays in the sunlight will sterilize it before the kids find it again. 

I almost hate to return the ball, because the first thing they do when they find it is start kicking it into the fence again.  But I can't keep it. 

I will return it tomorrow before I leave. 

We have to work tomorrow.  I should be functional at least, but I'm not looking forward to it.  My head hurts and apparently I can't take anything for it or I will vomit.  I have some effervescent aspirin with an antacid in it.  I will try taking that before I go to work tomorrow.  With enough time to get my bucket if needed. 

My head hurts at a sinus trigger point, and in on my right lower sinus area.  I don't have anything to worry about. 

So, I asked Ron to call Doc, having vomited twice and all that I figured I could really use some steroids.  I'm not so worried about the antibiotics. 

And the office told us there are no appointments until Tuesday!  Oh, I would have cried, but it would have made my head hurt. 

"She'll be better by then!" Ron replied.  Oh, I hope so.

I really feel like crap and I don't even feel sorry for whining.  Ron is just drinking and sleeping. 

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

The same thing

Well, I can smell again.  I'm calling that a win. 

I slept pretty fitfully last night, waking up every hour or two, but I did get some rest.  I have great faith in my 12 hour mucus pills. 

I'm also wanting to snack, which is really encouraging.  It means I'm getting hungry, which means I'm getting better. 

Ron made (scheduled) two trips to Sam's club today.  Apparently the first one was going to be so awful, Ron cancelled it, woke me up, and told me to reset my alarm. 

"I don't mind" I told him "When you wake me up for that." 

I asked Ron if he recalled the phone call.  He said no, he didn't.  I kind of figured.  I gave him a very brief summation and he said it was "all true".  So, I guess he won't be apologizing. 

It's one thing if someone has proven unreliable, you learn not to trust them; it's another thing entirely to mock someone with a medical condition and call them "weak".  To my mind, you just don't do that, especially when you're in a wheelchair yourself.  I don't believe in "karma" but God will not be mocked. 

Dude.  That's just not cool. 

On the one hand, I feel vindicated, he does do it to other people.  On the other hand I find it really sad.  A relationship, whatever you want to say about it, destroyed because Ron had a tantrum over Chuck's health problems. 

Well, not, apparently, destroyed.  Ron sent Chuck a text message, must have been some text.  Now they are talking and all is well. 

I suppose they are symbiotes in some regard.  They each benefit from the arrangement. 

On the other hand, I still feel moderately crappy, but my appetite is starting to come back.  I rode with two drivers who were really sick today so I probably caught it from paratransit. 

I just hope we all had the same thing. 

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

"Rest up and recover"

I wasn't too happy when I had to get up at 6 AM today.  I didn't sleep well, I kept waking up congested, or sneezing, just miserable. 

I think, when I'm really sick, I'm too affected to really "suffer" (I've said this before).  "Half" sick, like my cold, is just enough to experience the misery without the relief of the exhaustion I get when I'm truly ill.  So, it's worse for me to have a cold, than a flu. 

It feels worse, at least. It's my blog, I'll whine a little. 

I have no appetite and have to force myself to eat.  Especially when I'm taking my medication. 

So, I got up and took my shower.  I stuck my morning medication in a baggie and stuck the baggie in my pocket.  Let's hope I never get searched!  Lots of pretty pills! 

"Really, officer, I'm crazy!" 

We went to Walmart.  Ron kept saying my Depakote and lithium were $30-some dollars.  I didn't believe him.  The last time I bought Depakote, it cost over $130.  No way had it been... reduced? 

I checked the medication, it was the real deal, then I paid and snatched it up like I stole it, putting it in my bag.  I figured out later Doc wrote it for DR instead of ER.  Apparently extended release costs an extra $120.  Thank you, Doc.  I got DR which is, I guess, "delayed" release. 

I always think I "have" to pay what I do for my medication, but as it turns out I don't. 

Ron's just castigating Chuck.  I guess we won't be using him as a driver anymore.  Ron is really furious at Chuck for "failing" him the other day.  Ron roasted him a new one, now Chuck (sad to say) knows what it is like to be on the receiving end of one of Ron's alcoholic rages. 

Chuck made a big production out of telling us (Ron and me) "Just tell me if Ron gets out of hand, and I'll stop buying him alcohol."  One night I called him (Chuck) in tears, telling him Ron was being very verbally abusive, and holding the phone in the air.  I figured that would put an end to the alcohol buying, but it didn't.  A week later he showed up with a case of vodka. 

Now, sad to say, he gets it.  I'm not even remotely happy or vindicated.  I wouldn't wish Ron's rages on anyone, except maybe the man who ran him over. 

Ron's decided to have a blackout.  It's going to be a long night most likely.  I wasn't sleeping too well anyway, I'll console myself with that if Ron keeps me up.  I'm hoping he just goes to bed. 

I tried to tell Ron we don't have viable alternatives, but he wouldn't hear me.  As far as he was concerned Chuck had "failed" him and he has big issues with people who do that.  It is not uncommon for him to yell at me when I get sick.  I can sort of understand the whole "You need to fight this and get over it" "pep talks" but he has yelled at me, going on about what "he needs". 

Ron can be amazingly generous, and amazingly selfish, all in one package. 

I got the rest of my stuff, 12 hour mucus stuff without the cough suppressant, some Children's Claratin (I can take that, it doesn't make me freak out like the adult dose).  I got some more food for us and treats for the cats.  Since I have over 100 cans of cat food (at 2 a day, they go pretty fast), I decided not to get any more cat food. 

I paid, found Ron, and we left.  We had a pretty good ride home.  I only had one tiny issue with the driver.  My bags have two sets of straps, short ones, and long ones.  A lot of drivers grab one short strap and one long one, and try to carry it like that.  It doesn't work.  But if that's the only issue I had I'm doing pretty well. 

We got home and I put away our food.  I set my medication by the pills-of-the-week organizer and took a nap. 

I didn't take my 12 hour stuff until 6 PM.  I took the 4-hour stuff until then.  I don't want the stuff to wear off in the middle of the night, when I'm sleeping. 

I didn't sleep very well but I got a little rest.  Today was supposed to be my "rest up and recover" day.  We'll see what the night looks like. 

I finally got up around 4.  I didn't, ashamed to say, do my God Time tonight but I may do it before I go to bed.  I'm doing the minimum here for now. 

I put my lithium in the pills-of-the-week and figured out the Depakote was a DR instead of an ER.  I doubt it will make much difference.  Maybe I'll lose some weight. 

Speaking of weight loss, I have no appetite - this happens when I get sick.  I used to scare the hell out of my adoptive Mom with this.  It will come back when I'm better.  In the meantime, I just have to endure. 

I'm not depressed, I have what I would call an average mood. 

I took one of my Claratin because I got tired of the itching in my nose.  That prickly itching sensation just drove me nuts.  It is better.  If I could just get rid of the congestion (but decongestants would cause a fatal seizure, so I'm stuck with the mucus pills - which, all told, do a decent job). 

Ron's passed out in his wheelchair, in the kitchen.  I won't try to move him or he'll fall. 

I just checked our trips so I can set the alarm.  Let me do that. 

I am really happy to announce I have not just the heated mattress pad, but the vaporizer, with the "vapo-steam" inserts.  I really liked that the last time I was sick.  I can't really smell it but I'm sure it would help. 

I wish you could have seen me grimly eating my dinner, pasta with chicken.  I wasn't hungry (how many times have I told you?  -grin-), but I had to take my pills.  I had done them up already.  I know pasta and chicken is an OK TV dinner to consume with my medication.  I ate a tiny pecan tartlet with it, they sell them at Walmart.  That, I did enjoy eating. 

It wasn't enough sugar to mess up my immune system. 

Well, my steamer has been steaming for a while now, Torbie's in the bedroom, and I have a couple of drinks to help with the inevitable dry mouth from the mucus pills.  It's off to bed. 

I'll let you know how the whole thing pans out with Ron and Chuck.  Right now Ron was pretty furious. 

Monday, December 19, 2016

The season that defines regifting

I slept better last night, once I put the heated mattress pad on the bed.  I also dug out my vaporizer and turned it on. 

I slept in with Biscuit, got up and fed him, did my grooming, and got dressed.  We went to work. 

Work was pretty standard.  We gave the sandwich delivery guy his Christmas present, and got a pie in return.  Ron and I won't eat a whole pie, so we regifted it to one of our drivers.  Ah, Christmas.  The season that defines "regifting". 

I did my work and helped Ron, then we left. 

I felt pretty lousy with my head cold, and was looking forward to going to Walmart and getting some new 12-hour mucus pills.  See, the stuff with the cough suppressant in it made me really jittery.  I really need the 12 hour plain mucus relief pill. 

Ron arranged with Chuck to meet us at a fast food location, then go to Walmart.  Chuck has had some medical problems, and they've prevented him from driving for us on one occasion. 

He saw his doctor this morning, in fact. 

Ron and I went home from work and I took a short nap.  It was pretty good considering the short duration.  I had the heated mattress pad on, and Biscuit joined me, so we had a good time.  I had planned to get up early and do my God Time but I didn't. 

We got picked up and went to the fast food place.  Ron made a mess eating and we discussed his need for a smock when eating foods with sauce.  I told him I would use my stain remover to remove the stains and things would be fine. 

Chuck called.  He was at Walmart, looking for us.  Ron explained.  Chuck said he would be over shortly. 

Chuck arrived and didn't want to eat.  I found that odd.  He loves their chicken.  I found out later his health problem had manifested at Walmart and he had taken medication for it. 

On our way out the door, Chuck collapsed in the parking lot.  Crap.  My first thought was that he'd had a heart attack.  He seemed coherent, said he was OK, I gave him his glasses.  I helped him sit up. 

His health problem had flared again.  Bad Word. 

From a selfish standpoint, that meant we were stranded at the restaurant and would not be going to Walmart.  From a merciful standpoint, that meant Chuck was stranded, too. 

He called an ambulance, they came out and checked him.  They said it was pointless to transport him to the hospital because he had just seen his doctor.  They also refused to let him drive, not that we would have ridden with him like that. 

Bad Word.  Chuck called someone who could meet him later, and we called a cab.  We had to call a couple of drivers before we found one who could do it.  He showed up before the ambulance left. 

Ron and the driver had a lively discussion of politics while I silently lamented the loss of my 12-hour mucus pills, Depakote, and Lithium 3-month refills.  Ron had already made a trip for tomorrow. 

Well, I sighed to myself, I'll just have to wait.  I certainly don't want to ride in a car with a sick driver.  Things just don't go the way I'd like them to. 

I was hoping to spend tomorrow in bed, nursing myself back to health.  That's not going to happen.  I will go to Walmart, sick (sorry, people, I hate it when people do that, myself included), and run my errands. 

Thank God I don't have to do it on the bus. 

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Sick, so 2 days in one

I'm battling a bad cold.  I'm so glad I can't give it to you. 

I was fine yesterday morning.  I forget how I slept but I've been waking up with cold feet.  Maybe that was a factor in my cold. 

Actually, I think my trip to Walmart on Friday had everything to do with the head cold. 

Anyway, I got up and went to the warehouse.  We met "Gary", a driver with a pickup truck.  He has a toolbox in the truck bed that takes up the width, by two feet, but we managed to cram a surprising amount of merchandise into the remaining area. 

We got to work and I got the carts.  Gary had unloaded most of the merchandise.  Looking good!  I got the carts loaded and we went to work.  Work was pretty uneventful except for the sandwiches.  We had 5 sandwiches expire and I had to throw them out. 

After work, we went home and I took a nap.  I woke up feeling fairly poorly.  We went to Arby's and got something to eat, then came home. 

I didn't sleep well last night, congested.  I can't take decongestants because they interact with my antidepressant and cause seizures.  I don't want that.  I took some 4-hour mucus pills.  Those, I can take. 

I slept a little better after that but woke up with cold feet.  I realized the cold front had come into town.  I got up, took my shower, and did my God Time.  I watched a Star Wars marathon off and on while trying to nap. 

It was about 20 degrees (F) with the windchill.  I thought it was pretty funny that #6 actually sent the kids out in the weather to "play".  They kicked the soccer ball about twice and went right back in the house.  Then he (husband/father) came out, probably to show the kids "It's not that bad" and he went back in pretty fast.  I can hear their front door, they always slam it. 

I got a short nap after taking another mucus pill.  I have the usual symptoms: itchy sinuses, watering nose, congestion, sneezing, headache.  I am most worried about congestion turning into a sinus infection like it did at the start of the year.  Worst case, I see Doc, get another steroid shot in the butt, and take some antibiotics. 

I'm taking all my herbal stuff too, antioxidants, vitamin D, olive leaf, etc. 

I have no appetite, which is pretty customary when I'm sick.  It used to drive my adoptive mother nuts.  "You have to eat!" 

Well, she's right, I do.  I have to take my PM medication with food.  I made a whey protein drink (about 40 grams of protein) and had most of a sandwich with it.  I really don't have an appetite.  I have to figure my body is using the lack of food to kick start immunity. 

We have to work tomorrow, which won't be fun, but I'll do it.  I started taking the 12 hour mucus pills.  5 and 5 (AM, PM) is easy enough to remember.  I am breathing better but overall feel crappy. 

But I don't eat a lot of vegetables (ha!  More like any vegetables), I don't get enough protein, and I've been under stress lately.  It's not surprising I got sick. 

I just hope, if it gets worse, #6 doesn't have his party this year.  He seems to alternate it, and only do it odd years.  I hope. 

Anyway, I plan to go to bed pretty soon so that's it for now. 

Oh, and I put the heated mattress pad on the bed.  I will finally have warm feet. 

Friday, December 16, 2016

"Get me a wooden handle"

I'm still figuring out the new blogger forum. 

I slept OK, but developed a gradually worsening headache.  We had rain today, I think that did it.  I ended up getting up at 5 (alarm was 7) to take some Excedrin.  Biscuit got so excited to see me awake, I went ahead and fed him.  He was thrilled. 

I went back to bed, and Biscuit joined me after a little while.  I didn't really sleep but I rested some, getting rid of the headache (most of it).  I thought about various things. 

The kitchen drain has been slow, I realized, so I thought I needed to run the garbage disposal and use some drain cleaner.  I didn't want Ron flooding the kitchen floor.  He does something with the faucet where he runs it for a while, when he's drinking.  I haven't really watched.  He's paying the water bill, after all. 

I finally got up and took my shower.  Biscuit eagerly begged for his breakfast.  I kept telling him he'd already had it, the greedy beast.  I did some of my God Time and read the label on the drain cleaner. 

I flicked on the switch for the garbage disposal and it didn't work.  That was my problem.  [bad word]  I had visions of another $600 Christmas plumbing bill like I had last year. 

Ron woke up.  I decided to use my good judgment and NOT bring up the plumbing issue right away.  I got Ron ready and we left the house. 

We had the driver who tricked us into buying her the $20 BBQ dinner.  She was taking us to the bank.  Ron tried to see if Chuck would be interested in the trip but he got a gibberish reply.  Maybe Chuck is having another vertigo attack.  I don't know. 

Chuck told me what the doctor is giving him, and I don't agree.  I don't think he should be taking that drug for the problem.  Meclizine would be much better, cheap, and very effective. Instead Chuck is taking something else, not as effective, whenever he gets an attack.  Prevention is a much better method. 

Anyway, the driver wanted to set up her extended family in the rental house next door (the hoarder one).  We told her 1.  It wasn't ready yet and 2.  She already had a family that's going to rent it. 

The landlady next door has had problems with "quality" tenants.  I don't know why.  Is she failing to do background checks?  Failing to get references?  I couldn't tell you.  I can tell you they have all had "issues". 

It's a nice neighborhood and people are willing to pay a lot (rent a house for over a thousand a month) in my subdivision.  I think they could afford to be picky. 

Maybe family, or her church, is pressuring her to take these people.  Hopefully the next ones will be quiet, no barking dog, stay out of our yard.  I don't want much. 

I have caught some of her former tenants climbing the gate to get in my backyard, looking in the windows of my house, etc.  So I really hope they do stay out of my yard. 

However, the cleanup seems to be going very slowly so I'm not worried about immediate move-ins.  Worst case we will put a lock on the gate. 

I certainly don't want the driver's extended family moving in.  They would absolutely "bring the drama" and that's the last thing I want at home. 

The driver told us how she was going "back home" to New Orleans this weekend and how it was supposed to be cold.  She claimed her daughter got sick if she got cold. 

They've proven that doesn't work, perhaps some lessons in handwashing would be more beneficial.  Don't get me wrong, wrap up the kid, but getting cold is not going to make her sick.  They've done clinical trials. 

I remember one cold front, about 3 years ago.  Ron and I had gone to Sam's club and gotten drenched in the "approaching cold front" rain.   We went to work for an hour or so, but didn't really dry off.  The cold front blew in, felt like it was in the upper 20's and low 30's.  Ron and I had to wait, outside, in wet clothing for our ride, which was late, for over 20 minutes. 

If cold weather made "you" sick then Ron and I should have been in the hospital.  But, thank God, we were fine.  So, I don't believe the whole cold-weather-always-gets-you-sick. 

I try to be vigilant about handwashing all the time, but especially in the winter.   I just had a wet Biscuit approach me and rub against my leg.  He's been out on his catio. 

We got to the bank.  We had to wait in line forever, apparently everyone did their banking today instead. 

When we got to the window with our bundles of $1 bills, she asked us how much we had.  No other teller has asked that.  We know how much we have, but we never tell the teller.  What if we're off, and the teller thinks "Oh, they think they only have $500, but they have $600, I'll just keep that money".  Nope, we never tell.  She got really upset we wouldn't tell her.  "You must be new" Ron replied.  "We never do it that way". 

She admitted she was new.  We did our transaction and I got paid.  Good.  I need to pay my health extortion pretty soon.  It's up to $400 a month now, for a crappy HMO.  I just hope they do pay if something happens to me. 

Our driver came in and found us when we were done (happily he didn't witness the transaction), he had his lunch after he dropped us.  He said he was going to sleep.  We told him he could sleep in our driveway, if he wanted.  He didn't, I don't think. 

I got Ron in the house.  He headed for the sink.  I told him about the problem.  "Get me a wooden handle" he told me.  I got him one.  He did something to the garbage disposal, fixing it.  I turned the switch, ran water, and everything.  "It's good for another 30 years" Ron joked, before he went after his vodka. 

Merry Christmas.  Hopefully that's our big repair for the month.  I ate a hot dog and some yogurt, and took my pills.  I offered to fix Ron a hot dog but he said no.  He had his vodka and I took my nap. 

My headache still lurked around during the nap, but I was relatively OK.  I rolled over on my arm and trapped a nerve, I woke up with the whole arm tingling.  Once I resettled I was OK. 

I had Biscuit sleep with me, and Torbie ran across me at one point.  She likes to sleep in the sock drawer, which I leave open for her.  She wedges herself in there quite comfortably.  She likes small spaces, funny because she is almost 15 pounds. 

I got up and finished my God Time, then watched a little TV.  I have something I need to address on Facebook (not bad, just a question mark) and then I am "done" for the night. 

Tomorrow, if things work out, we will do a supply run with "Larry" instead of Chuck.  Larry has the same type of truck, but he has a toolbox in the drawer that hogs up some space.  I don't think the toolbox comes out.  However, it is better than zero space, or the "four packages" rule they have on paratransit.  Larry also lives nearby and seems very nice. 

Larry and Ron are supposed to talk tonight and hash things out.  Right now Ron is asleep and Larry is still working, but we'll see. 

Chuck is proving less reliable these days.  It's funny, when Ron had his surgery I was doing several trips a day with Chuck, and everything was fine.  Now that things are less urgent, he seems more debilitated. 

Ron worries Chuck will get to the point where he can't drive.  Ron's worried, naturally, for us, if that happens, but also for Chuck.  Chuck does not live in the paratransit area, he would have to move, assuming he could even qualify for the service.  It would be a real nightmare all around. 

Anyway, Ron fixed the sink.  Yay!  He may be disabled, in so many ways, but he can still do a lot. 

I worry the government will begin rationing care for disabled people, basically saying "They're better off dead, anyway".  This is already happening.  One woman with cancer could not get her insurance to pay for her chemo, but they would have been happy to pay for her assisted suicide. 

Me, I'm pretty cheap.  Crazy, but cheap.  I pay for my own medication, which costs about $80 a month.  I pay for my own doctor visits.  I have required one hospitalization, when I was 13, and that was back when it cost about $1000 a month.  Insurance paid for one month and kicked me out.  I lived. 

But Ron always seems to need something, operations, diagnostics, etc.  I can't worry about that, I just have to keep on with it. 

So, tomorrow we go to work.  We had 2 calls for refunds today, which is very unusual.  I will see what the machines are doing but I think one case was user error.  I remember one time a customer tried to use the food machine as a bill changer and it wouldn't "work".  She "had" to buy something, which she returned.  I don't know why a customer would do that. 

The Poptarts, yes, I'm pretty sure that's a coin jam.  That's "on us".  I will open it up and clear the jam, someone probably put in a bent, or sticky, coin, or a penny.  That will jam them every time.  One time I had a foreign coin in the machine.  It looked like a dime but the size was off. 

Either that, or the board is acting up again in the machine.  It's a very unreliable machine. 

We'll see.  I also need to do up some chocolate for presents.  I think I'll do that and watch TV right now. 

Have a good one. 

To the heckler: I refuse to post your hateful comments about God.  You can start your own blog and say whatever you want, but I'm not putting it in MY blog. 

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Two days in one, again.

I knew yesterday would be a long day, and I was right. 

I got up a little before 7, took my shower, did my God time, etc.  I got Ron presentable.  My aunt got caught in traffic and was a little late. 

We had a long ride across town to see Doc, but he's worth it.  We got there 10 minutes before the appointment time. 

Ron was unusually carsick.  Normally he is fine.  It wasn't my aunt's driving, she's very good.  He just got carsick.  My aunt went to get him some medication while Ron and I went in to see Doc. 

A lady walked in with a large, "Edible Arrangement" of fruit.  I thought she was a happy client.  No, turns out she was a drug company representative.  Doc seemed more annoyed than anything. 

We agree, the older stuff is better anyway. 

I saw Doc, he was impressed I was able to take care of the business, myself, and Ron, after Ron's surgery.  We agreed to keep on the same medication schedule. 

I left, after scheduling my next appointment for April.  We didn't talk about it, but sometime in Feb. I will need to get my lithium level and chemistry panel, blood tests.  Doc knows I will. 

Ron was still pretty sick, so we gave him some original Dramamine.  It made him very groggy. 

He decided to hang back and wait at the office building while we went to lunch.  We did that. We found a Red Robin.  I don't think she had been there, either. 

I was a little horrified at the $15 hamburgers, but I found a $7 grilled cheese that looked pretty good.  I put bacon on it, it was very good. 

My aunt ordered the "grilled salad" only to discover, to her horror, that they actually grilled a chunk of romaine lettuce.  She was baffled and disgusted.  She did enjoy the chicken that came with it, and seemed to like her soup as well. 

My aunt, as I told Ron, is a very slim woman.  I probably make 2 of her.  She has the unique ability to eat half a French fry and be happy with it.  Or, one bite of dessert.  She would probably say she eats plenty of bad things, but you can't tell to look at her.  She does eat, just not much, which is how she stays so slim. 

Me, on the other hand... but she is always nice and doesn't lecture me about my weight. 

We had a good time and got back about half an hour before paratransit was due to pick us up to go to the warehouse (we incorporated "Truck Day" into all this).  We talked in the car and got Ron a little before the pickup. 

They sent a big van, which wouldn't fit in the parking lot.  We had to load Ron in the street. 

Amazingly, we had a straight trip and got to the warehouse in 30 minutes.  It was very crowded and a lot of inventory was depleted, but I managed to get everything on our lists. 

One of my boyfriends (cart attendant) helped me load the truck and off to work.  Since we were behind on our inventory, I didn't have much work to do, clearing off the carts.  I got them out and loaded pretty fast. 

Off to work, and stocking.  We did that for hours.  We only have small window to make some "real" money.  We haven't really seen it yet so we are trying to stock as much as possible.  We did that. 

I helped Ron and did all my own work, as usual.  Finally time to go.  It was now about 8 PM.  Our ride home came in a timely manner, nice driver, and another straight trip praise God. 

I guess they are making up for that 10 minute trip to Walmart the other day. 

We came home.  I ate something, I forget what, and took my pills, collapsing into bed.  I begged the cats to please keep using the litter box because I had no energy to clean it (12 hours "work" will do that to me).  They did, good babies. 

I slept OK but woke up very tired.  I had been a little stiff last night from the physical labor but that unkinked itself overnight.  One reason I try to eat a lot of protein. 

I got up, did my God Time, and took my shower, not in that order. 

I fed the cats their breakfast and headed off to Walmart with a driver we like.  We got there in plenty of time and I got half my pills.  They always seem surprised when I check them at the counter.  How will I know I got the right thing?  Or the right amount?  I think they shorted me on my lithium last time.  One time I got "Harriet" (My last name)'s diabetic medication. 

I got cat food, some more candy (Ron and I have a fun idea I won't share), food for Ron, plates for the cat food (I use a 6 inch disposable foam plate).  I finished up right on time and checked out.  I had a nice cashier who also liked cats. 

We had the same driver to go home.  He was telling us about some financial troubles he had, years back.  He wants to buy a house now. 

I wanted to tell him, a home is a lot more expensive than an apartment. 

I didn't.  We got home and I lugged everything into the garage, pushed Ron in the garage, shut the door, and went into the house. 

I put away the cat food as Biscuit had ecstasies over the whole case.  He got excited over the plates, too.  I can't pick up a foam plate in this house without getting him very excited. 

I was happy about the six pack of Diet Mountain Dew.  I put Ron's TV dinner (Nighthawk with Borracho beans - he really likes it), in the freezer and our deli meat and cheese into the fridge. 

I wanted something simple, sandwiches are about as easy as it gets.  I am finally "over" the deli trauma and willing to make a sandwich now and then. 

I put everything away and stored my bags in the insulated tote.  I took a long nap.  Ron made some noise but not too much.  I finally did sleep and slept pretty well, but at one point Torbie got in bed with me and I rolled over on her toe.  I felt very bad about that.  She kind of jerked and pulled away.  I apologized but she still moved. 

I felt like a very Bad Mother.  Later on, I got up, made us some sandwiches for dinner (Ron also had his Nighthawk dinner), and watched a little TV.  I have had minimal computer time yesterday and today but I at least wanted to give you an update for today. 

I hope you're having a good one. 

Things I need to do: get the rest of my medication, do up my Christmas boxes, and mail a package to Mom and Dad after I get their new address.  It looks to be a busy couple days. 

Hopefully not like yesterday. 

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Peanuts have protein

I get some very angry comments sometimes.  I have to wonder why they keep reading me if I get them so angry, but it's not my business.  My faith, I think, is the best part of me.  I delete comments I find "strong" for lack of a better phrase, and rarely the "overly personal" or "personal details I don't want shared" sort of post. 

I will admit I got angry at another blog.  Someone friended me on Facebook, and her only post every day was putting up the Matt Walsh blog and saying  "Me too" and "What he said".  I don't have a problem with Matt Walsh, but I didn't like his blog shoved in my face every day.  I appreciate independent thought, even if it's badly written. 

No wonder I keep writing. 

Ron was shocked I went to bed "so early" last night, but I got enough sleep and woke up on time.  I stayed in bed for half an hour with Biscuit, got up and fed him, took my shower (in that order). 

I did half my God time, as it turns out I could have done the whole thing.  If God offends you, think "meditation".  I typed that as "medication" at first, tells you how my mind goes. 

We were going to Walmart.  Ron had given me a pretty extensive list.  Our ride, however, was very late. 

It showed up half an hour past our pickup time.  Then they said we would get there at 9:20.  Our pickup was 9:40.  Ron had scheduled a "shorter" trip of 45 minutes.  We also had to go pick up an elderly man (he's very nice) in a wheelchair, that ate up more time. 

I was left with about 15 minutes shopping time, when we got there.  I left Ron inside the front door because people have been robbed, out front. 

Ron thinks I am "overly paranoid" when I tell him to put his money away quickly, don't wait outside, don't hold your wallet in your hand, etc.  He would just sit there with $100 in his hand, in the worst neighborhoods, if I "let" him. 

I don't think he will understand until he is, in fact, robbed.  I'm not looking forward to that day.  I wasn't even "robbed" and it left a mark, that someone put hands on me trying to steal my stuff.  (See Dec 2009 blogs)

I ran in and got a cart, not a very good one, and began racing around the store getting items.  After I finished, Ron was upset because I didn't get sliced cheese.  Dude, that's the only thing I didn't get on the list. 

How about the 24-count case of cat food?  More bread?  3 packages of deli sliced meat and some honey Dijon mustard?  How about all your snack foods? 

I didn't even get my drink mix, or any soda. 

I got out right as the return trip arrived.  We loaded up and went down the road.  We picked up an older lady and her son, who lived in a very fancy apartment complex.  I had to wonder why neither of them had a car, they weren't blind.  She was complaining she "got left" this morning.  Translated: the driver waited 5 minutes past the pickup time and got approval to leave her.  I didn't feel sorry for her. 

The worst that has ever happened to us, at work, is someone leaving the "proper" pickup spot to go to the "wrong" one, and then we have to try to get them back.  I don't know why they think we would be waiting at a mailbox.  It also shows a failure to read the pickup notes. 

At any rate, the young man reeked of cigarettes, it was horrible.  I don't think smokers realize how they carry "the stench" around with them everywhere they go. 

Happily, I didn't have a headache today. 

By this time, Ron was bragging on me, I was a fast shopper and "I really showed 'them'".  He has remained that way.  Well, at least he changed his mind, and we did have some cheese at home already. 

We were out of salami.  I love uncured salami.  It is so good just plain, or in a sandwich.  It doesn't seem to provoke headaches either.  So, I got that second. 

The bread (which, by the way is $3) was first. 

We got home and unloaded, I put everything (not much, really), away, and I ate some yogurt.  I took out the garbage and found a couple of soccer balls in our yard, one under my bedroom window.  Not real happy about that one.  I gently tossed them back. 

I took a nap and woke up with a headache, the words to "I wanna get better" running through my head.  Don't we all?  Want to get better? 

I had Torbie in my bed during my nap, I was very careful of her.  She is such a sweet lady.  She can be a little bit cranky with the other cats, but she's very loving to us. 

I pretreated Ron's clothes (lint roller, stain remover) and threw them all in the laundry along with my clothes.  I don't have much, just socks and underwear mainly.  I had some microfiber shirts I wear at work, I put those in lingerie bags so they don't get damaged.  They are great at wicking but not, I think, as durable as a t-shirt or something. 

I picked up a garbage bags' worth of trash and put it in the garage, to go out tomorrow. 

I finished my God Time (prayer portion), and Torbie got up with me on my lap while I did.  She and I had a lot of fun, her purring, me petting.  She really is a nice cat. 

Ron woke up.  He thought had had cancer on his leg.  I told him it looked like he had run into something.  He worried about diabetic ulcers.  I reminded him they would look like the ulcers he gave himself, abusing that back massager on his legs, a couple years ago.  He complained about his knee and I told him we need to get him an MRI, and that he might end up needing surgery for whatever is wrong.  He said he wouldn't do surgery, but I've heard that before. 

And he used to call me "sickly". 

At least he is taking his supplements on a regular basis. 

Which reminds me, I need to order more supplements. 

He started drinking, sigh, not much I can do about that.  He went back in his room and is eating his snack foods (Chex mix combined with some kind of nut mix I got him today).  Well, peanuts have protein, right? 

I need to eat and take my pills (I got smart and didn't do it just yet so I could actually talk today), then go to bed pretty soon.  My aunt is picking me up to go see Doc, and then we are working after that. 

It's going to be a long day, so if you don't hear from me tomorrow you'll know. 

Monday, December 12, 2016

Everyone wants the puppies

Pretty tired.  I need to start posting before I take my evening pills, not after.  The "after" tends to be a lot of groggy. 

Got up, shower, went to work.  Did my God Time later but I did it. 

We had limited inventory.  I stocked what I could and made it look good.  The boss came by to give Ron his review, which was excellent.  We talked for a little bit before he left. 

We left, and saw him on the way out.  I waved with one hand as I pushed Ron's wheelchair with the other.  Ron is "trying" to walk more which is good for building up his bones.  I do worry about his bones. 

We went home, I took a nap. 

I forgot to mention, #6 had another party last night.  They stopped around 8, I guess it being a school night/work night and all.  The kids were really loud kicking a soccer ball IN the bouncy house.  At least they don't play loud music anymore. 

I didn't really get enough sleep on account of that, so I really needed my nap.  I finally got it and had a pretty good nap.  No nightmares even. 

I got up and did my God Time.  I had some cramping with my cycle, when it gets heavier my uterus lets me know. 

Sometimes I wonder: if Ron and I had kids, what would they look like?  Could I have even gotten pregnant?  How many kids would we have had? 

God will let me know one day.  As it stands, He seems fine with Ron being fixed, because I never did get pregnant that I know about.  If God wanted me pregnant it would have happened. 

Do I sit around pining for the children I never had?  No, kids are a lot of work.  I can take care of myself, Ron, and a couple of cats, that's it.  I've got nothing left for kids. 

If I did become pregnant and give birth, I would give it up for adoption.  To quote what I said back in 2012 "I don't want to fail my kids the way my mother failed me". 

Ron woke up, angry.  He wanted to go to Walmart today.  OK, I said, we can do that.  Then he changed his mind. 

Chuck was sick on Saturday and we couldn't do our supply run, which is why inventory levels are low.  We cannot do a supply run tomorrow because the custodians are waxing in front of our stockroom door. 

Ron called Chuck and talked to him, a long, plaintive, cry for help.  "I am depressed, bring me more vodka in about a week".  I have mentioned to Ron he certainly seems depressed, and told him medication could be highly beneficial, but Ron refuses.  Maybe one day he will get help, maybe not. 

Ron hung up with Chuck and told me one of Chuck's friends found a dog, and was trying to give it to him, but Chuck said no due to finances (I think that is a good idea, especially while he is also sick).  They didn't want to give it to the shelter.  I reminded Ron our local "high kill" shelter had a 92% release rate (only 8% put down) last month, which is amazing considering the kind of animals they probably pick up, or are surrendered.  You're not "killing it" to surrender it. 

And, when Chuck is ready, he can get an already-vetted, healthy, temperament tested, fixed, shots, ready-to-go dog.  He has already said he would like a dog a few years old.  Great.  Everyone wants the puppies, he'll have his pick of some really nice dogs. 

Torbie (my shelter cat) has been great.  I would recommend the experience to anyone. 

Anyway, that's it for tonight, as I said, I'm tired. 

Oh, Biscuit (white and gray male, 2 years old) has been getting in my lap recently.  Not for very long at first, but longer and longer now.  He purrs so nicely.  He's a good boy. 

He waits until Torbie has left before he climbs aboard. 

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Great

I didn't sleep well, started my period, and woke up with a headache.  Not the best start to my day. 

It got better.  I did take my shower and do my God time.  I got some nice cuddles from the cats. 

Our ride was late.  

He said he had another pickup before we went to the warehouse.  Fine.  I've got no problem with that.  He wasn't wearing cologne and his air freshener was pretty mild, so it didn't aggravate my headache. 

We drove about 20 miles out of the way, the "wrong" way for our destination, to go pick this lady up.  The driver couldn't find the apartment building.  I don't know how it works where you live, but in Houston, most apartments are broken up into small buildings of 8-10 units, two stories, several to several dozen buildings in the complex.  That way, if one has a problem, it's not a total loss to the company. 

The driver couldn't find "Building C".  He called dispatch and asked them to do a callout and ask for directions to "Building C" from the leasing office. 

"She doesn't know how to get to her building from the leasing office" they replied. 

"Why is she even riding alone?" I asked "If she can't give directions to her apartment?"  She wasn't blind, as it turned out. 

The driver found the apartment anyway, and when he pulled up she launched into a litany of complaints.  She was tired of standing.  Her hip hurt.  She was disabled, you know.  [Ron] had to move over, she couldn't get in on "that side".  [I] had to get out and pull my seat completely forward. 

At this point I told her "Ma'am, if you have all these problems riding in a cab, you should really tell them you can only ride in the big van." 

"Everyone does what I tell them." she snapped.  She got in slowly. 

Thank God she wasn't wearing perfume, and she didn't say anything either. 

We went about 40 miles to get to the Sam's Club.  We actually got there 3 minutes early, thanks to the driver.  Ron teased the driver about not getting out until his drop off time, and they both laughed.  The driver got Ron's wheelchair, and we went inside. 

I had about 40 minutes.  I got the drinks and 3 cases of assorted chips.  We had a little wait to get our ride to go to work. 

He was an - he wasn't older, but he's a long time driver.  He is very nice.  We loaded the wheelchair and our stuff. 

We left to go to work.  It was a straight trip. 

When we got to work, the parking lot was full of people.  Great.  There was a line of cars trying to get into the parking lot.  A male postal worker stood at the head of the line, flirting with the pretty, slim, young girl in the first car.  When he saw us he said we weren't allowed into the parking lot due to the fire drill.  Then he went back to flirting. 

Great.  I had the driver drop us in Visitor Parking and put everything on the bench, sat Ron next to the bench, and walked into the building. 

Great.  They were getting ready to wax our entire area.  Waxing the floor involves using special solvents to strip the floor, then special wax to - well, wax it.  It takes a while, renders the vending area unusable to me and the customers, and stinks.  I have gone to a full blown migraine from smelling this stuff. 

Great.  I got a cart and ran out to Ron.  By now they were done with the fire drill.  I put our stuff on the cart and Ron followed me, "walking", as he pushed the wheelchair.  He did pretty well.  He sat down again when he got into the building. 

I told Ron what was going on and he got pretty annoyed.  They had our entire area roped off in preparation, and I could tell they had already used the stripper. 

The custodians were shocked to see us "You never come in on Sunday".  "Our driver got sick yesterday and we had to bring in the stock." 

Ron decided to stock.  I told him he only had 10 minutes before they started to wax. 

He got pretty flustered and verbally abusive.  I finally told him I was walking away.  I went outside and sat down in the smoking area (ashy!) for a couple of minutes. 

When I went in, Ron was calling my name.  He told me to put all the carts away, and we would call a cab.  We did just that. 

Happily someone we like was in the area and came quickly.  Not so great, the cab fare wasn't cheap, but it was better than sitting there smelling that horrible wax, my headache morphing into a migraine, bored to death. 

I did tease one of the other custodians. 

"Heather!  Are you leaving already?" 

"Yeah, they told us to leave, waxing was more important, we'd just be in the way." 

"They didn't! 

I grinned.  "No, they didn't, but we're in the way.  We can stock tomorrow." 

"The boss" is due to come tomorrow, so it's probably better for him to "catch" us stocking anyway.  He likes to catch us working. 

Although, it always seems to be one of those things, where I work my tail off for 3 hours, sit down to drink half a can of diet soda, and he walks in. 

I fled with Ron as I saw them applying the floor wax.  I could smell it from quite a ways away.  I feel sorry for the poor custodians, but they seem used to it. 

"Something that smells that bad ought to at least get you high" I told them once. 

My head was still bothering me as we got home, and I had taken some Excedrin earlier.  That generally means I won't sleep well.  Sure enough, I didn't. 

You can imagine my reaction when #6 inflated the bouncy house (apparently have unlimited access to them - this one was a different color), and the kids began screaming and yelling right outside my bedroom wall: Great.  I lay there for a while, listening to the older boy taunting the younger one, who lost his temper and began screaming incoherently - sounded like some fun family bonding.    They finally stopped after a while but the blower motor for the bouncy house was still running, loudly.  I realized I would never sleep. 

#2's owner called Ron, asking about heavy trash day.  I don't know if you have "heavy trash" day, but certain days in Houston you can put out old furniture, mattresses, large items in general, our trash company says up to 5.  I have put out an old mattress on one occasion, and a bedframe on another.  #2 has been putting out a lot of stuff lately, I mentioned how they had put some of it in front of my house and I wasn't happy about that. 

So, the lady told Ron, #2 is gone.  When she rented, she thought it was to a single mother with a toddler and a teenager.  She didn't know about the baby daddy, who I still believe was the hoarder.  He probably has such a bad record they couldn't have put him on the application.  Ron told the landlady, every Wednesday. 

Our garbage company does heavy trash with every standard weekly pickup.  They do good work, I am happy with them.  It sounds like they will be getting a workout on Wednesday, and for a while yet. 

"Should I have told her about [the drawers filled with] rat poop?" Ron asked me later.  "I can call her?" 

"No," I told him "She'll just shoot the messenger.  Let the cleaners tell her about it."  I'm sure they will find it. 

I feel pretty sorry for the next tenant, to be honest.  That house should probably be demolished after all it's been through, the last several years.   I just hope they are quiet, and stay out of my yard.  If there is a problem, though, the landlady has assured us we can contact her, but the next family is a nice married couple with 2 kids. 

I wish I knew they were both girls, who spent all their time inside fixing Barbie's hair.  If boys, nice little bookworms.  We'll see.  At least they aren't right on my bedroom wall like #6. 

I'm still not hungry but I need to eat.  I also need to do up my pills for the next week.  I think I'll do up my meds and watch some TV, then see if my appetite is back.  I'll need to get up around 4 AM tomorrow so I will have to go to bed in a couple of hours. 

Hopefully, #6 will "let" me. 

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Two days at once

Thursday night I went to bed at 6.  I had to wake up at 1:45 in the morning and I was worried I wouldn't get enough sleep.  I "never" fall asleep before 8 and I generally don't sleep well. 

But I fell asleep fast and slept very well, considering.  I even woke up a little before the alarm, feeling pretty energized.  Am I getting manic?  Possibly.  That was the only thing I could figure. 

We got up and went to work.  Our ride was on time.  We got there in a timely manner and she was a nice driver. 

I got Ron in the building and turned on the lights on his wheelchair.  We got to work.  Snacks looked pretty bad and needed a lot of work.  By "bad" I mean "empty and need stocking".  That is actually good, because it means we are making sales.  Sales = paid bills. 

We stocked for hours, got our delivery (a new guy, but he followed directions and we didn't have any problems), put it away, did some troubleshooting, stocked some more, mashed up all my empty cardboard boxes for "the recycle", etc. 

While I was in the middle of working on the coffee machine (it is developing coin jam issues), I literally had the coin cartridge in my hand, Ron starts screaming my name.  I looked at him, he was talking to someone.  I walked over, holding the cartridge, and greeted him. 

It was the guy who called us, twice, about being a driver.  He had been told all the details already.  Suddenly, though, it was "too far from home, and too much bother".  Why bother to come in and tell us that?  Why bother to say you'll come by if you already know it won't work?  I thought it was inconsiderate. 

So, he was out.  I would rather have him "flake" now then when we are standing at Sam's Club with $700 of merchandise on a flatbed cart. 

I went back to the coffee machine. 

We finished up and left, came home, took a nap.  We went to Carl's Junior for dinner.  Ron wanted chicken tenders.  I got some too.  They were pretty good. 

I ate a chocolate chip cookie after, to make sure my medication would be happy with the stomach contents.  We went home.  It was cold.  #6 was not having a party and #2 wasn't making any noise either. 

I went to bed pretty early.  I didn't sleep well, in part due to the caffeine ingested in the diet sodas.  They don't have a diet caffeine free option like Sam's Club does. 

I woke up at 5, exhausted.  I dragged myself out of bed.  I had a moderate headache so I took some Excedrin.  I drank 2 Diet Mountain Dews (more caffeine) and took my shower.  I planned to do my God Time later. 

Our pickup was 7 AM.  At 6:47 Chuck sent a text - he had had an all night vertigo attack and couldn't drive today.  Crap. 

Ron called to cancel all our trips.  We got a penalty for cancelling so late.  I asked if he could see if he could get a ride from Sams to work, but they wouldn't add in a trip.  We could only take the trips we had, one to Sam's, one home.  Chuck was going to drive us to work.  Was.  We consoled ourselves with the thought he could have had the vertigo attack while driving. 

I tried to go back to bed, but the caffeine had other ideas.  I got up eventually, did my God Time, ate, took my meds, and went back to bed.  I slept a little better this time. 

Then Ron and I had to troubleshoot my cable box, which wasn't working.  I turned it off, and then on again.  That did the trick. 

It's interesting how often that works. 

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Patron saint

I couldn't believe it.  My nephew had posted an image of my birth mother on Facebook, talking about how "I didn't see her much, but she was wonderful". 

How? 

Another (apparent) family member insisted: " I admired [name] when we were first married. Then I grew up and realized the pain in her heart and I cried for her. I wanted so much to spend time with her."

What the?  At first I was angry, this is the woman who maimed me for life with her prenatal drinking.  This is the woman who, diagnosed with bipolar disorder, refused to take her medication.  This is the woman who literally smoked herself to death.  The woman found dead with a large bottle of vodka on the nightstand. 

For me, she maimed me, massively neglected me, ran off when she was caught neglecting me, denied custody by the courts but given full visitation, every time I learned to trust her she ran off again, and everyone acted like she was the victim. 

What about me?  What about the collateral damage?  I'm the one that's never going to drive or get a high-paying job due to my Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. 

But if I say anything I'll be "flamed" and probably unfriended (not that it would be a huge loss).  She had pain in her life because she was sick, and refused to take her medicine.  She had pain in her life because she drank, and drinking was more important than anything.  Years after her death, the survivors are canonizing her "because she was sad, and she's dead now".  Well, she died early because she made bad choices.  It's a miracle a serial killer didn't get ahold of her. 

My sister told me "Oh, she felt guilty about how she treated you".  She should have.  If I hadn't had my stepmother I would have grown up hating women.  "She thought you hated her."  Why?  She was never in contact with me. 

I don't hate her.  I found her head games very tedious "I'm so sorry, can you ever forgive me?"  Yes.  "I'm so sorry, Heather!"  Yes, you're forgiven. 

She never once asked which boy I liked at school, or whether he liked he back.  That was my stepmother.  She never gave me the talk about my period.  That was my stepmother.  I don't even think she knew when I did start my period, unless my stepmother told her. 

Because my birth mother was so highly emotional, usually drunk during her phone calls, and prone to playing massive head games, my stepmother would run interference for me, gauge the tempo, so to speak, and then pass her along if she was OK.  Otherwise she said I was "busy" or "out of the house".  This was back when we only had a landline.

Now, my stepmother, whom I always called Mom - because she filled the role, had her problems. But she's much better now and we have a pretty good relationship.  I'm about to try to post Christmas photos of Ron in the wheelchair for her, on Facebook. 

So, I'm not going to say anything on the post about my birth mother.  For one, the person writing is one of those guys who has bipolar, drinks, doesn't take his medication (It's almost enough to make me believe in generational curses), has posted a lot of "I'm suicidal but none of you cares, do you" type posts, just isn't managing his illness.  Just like my mother.  No wonder he venerates her. 

[name] patron saint of the bipolar, unmedicated, alcoholic. 

I have her picture up, and a small painting she did (abstract) in my house.  I had her pearls but I gave them to my niece, who will have far more opportunities to wear them.  I was glad I had when my house got robbed. 

I don't value things, I value time.  Which is why I was happy we found a kiddie cart when we went to Walmart today. 

We went to the bill paying center and paid the electric bill, then did some shopping.  I bought a lot of chocolate.  I am thinking to fill up gift tins with chocolate (assorted small foil-wrapped chocolate).  We can give them to the other vendor (now that he has his lap band out I don't feel bad giving him chocolate, and he loves it). 

I got a bag for Doc, who I see next week.  I am going to fake him out with a small tin of ribbon candy and give that to the office staff, make like that's it for the candy.  Then produce a 2 and a half pound "Santa Sack" of candy during our visit. 

I also need to save some money for the visit.  I pay cash everytime I go. 

So, Ron and I got what we needed for today, checked out, and had a good ride home.  I couldn't find that good bread today, so I was a little sad about that.  Other than that, it was a good day. 

I'm about to go make a salami/ham/and turkey sandwich with some sharp cheddar, I think.  Tomorrow we get up early for work and get our soda delivery. 

#2 is still purging.  I'm starting to think he's moving out.  On the one hand, I'll be glad to get rid of the hoarding and the rats, the general filthy nature.  On the other hand, the previous tenants have been pretty rough, too.  I am not exactly looking forward to another half dozen children screaming in the yard, trying to climb the fence, and another possible barking dog. 

Ron is calling the landlady to let him know #2 is "acting" like they are moving out.  It's possible he's just purging, but everything I have seen on Hoarders says that is really unlikely. 

She's going to have a horrific cleanup if they are leaving, so better to catch them and get a forwarding address while she can. 

"The perfect combination"

I didn't sleep well last night.  The Claratin was alive and well in my system.  It will probably come as no surprise to you that I would...