Showing posts from March, 2014

Heartworm Monday

Still battling depression. 

Ron got stuck in the bathroom at work today, he couldn't open the exit door for a minute.  [sigh]  Then he got back in his wheelchair and I pushed him on our way. 

I overslept, I kept hitting the snooze button.  Torbie was absent but I found Baby Girl sleeping on my jeans.  She likes to do that. 

Ron and I tease each other, saying "She's a worm!  A heartworm!"  She is. 

We went to the warehouse, and bought some soda.   Since Ron occupies a wheelchair we can't really bring much inventory when we travel. 

We went to work.  We didn't have much time so we stocked the soda and left.  (We had a very long ride between the warehouse and work). 

After work we went to the bank.  We sold them some change.  Then we had over an hour to the pickup.  I felt awful, but I wanted some lunch. 

So, I walked to a Wendy's nearby.  I was a little creeped out, though.  As I traveled through the parking lot some guy in a du-rag kept yelling &quo…


Ron and I got home from the taqueria around 10 AM.  "If I could" I told Ron "I'd just go to bed and wake up tomorrow before work". 

Not fatigue, necessarily, but the depression. 

Anyway, when I was NOT depressed a few days ago I had a thought: making myself depression care packages. 

Each box would have various treats, nicely scented soap, perhaps.  A candle or two.  A good book. 

I might make a box of index cards with assignments: foot rub. 20 minutes reading poetry. 

When I'm manic, I could write down encouraging Bible verses on index cards, and put them in a box.  Then read them whe I'm depressed. 

The question for me: will I really do it, though? 

What I mean: I can make preparations to do nice things for myself; but will I have the initiative to enjoy them?

Onto happier thoughts

Medication on board and digesting, I'm turning to happier thoughts. 

I'm getting an eye exam this week.  Eye exam = glasses. 

So, I need to pick out glasses. 

What am I liking? 


They might be a little smaller than I like, but they're purple.  I love purple.  With my prescription (guesstimated) they would cost about $80.  I have $100 saved. 

The last pair of glasses I bought, at Walmart, cost $400 and broke within months. 

I should add here, it's been 11 years since my last prescription (excepting the broken ones that died within a few months, back in 2006, but the eye doctor told me my prescription hadn't changed much from my 2003 pair, which I wear). 

I'm overdue. 

I also like these:
Not super fancy, but a bigger lens area, and I like navy - I can wear it with anything.

These have excellent reviews.  I wouldn't wear them everyday but they would make a really cute prescription sunglass. 

I've always wanted prescription sunglasses.  Ba…

Video Blog

Not exactly cheerful

I got into 2 stupid discussions about birth control this week. 

The latest is upset because she felt I implied people with disabilities shouldn't have kids, if the parent has a congenital condition.  Well, she's right.  I think it is very selfish.  It is my right to say so. 

If you want a disabled child, adopt one.  There are plenty of disabled kids in the system.  Look at "The Little Couple".  They have dwarfism.  They chose to adopt 2 children with dwarfism.  The kids have a home, the parents have kids, everyone's happy. 

I know 4 people, born with disabilies to mothers who knew it was a possiblity.  All 4 wish their mothers had not had them.  All 4 find life difficult and get angry at their mothers/parents for choosing to have them "anyway". 

"But Heather" someone told me "Life is a gift and every life brings joy" (or some such).  I didn't agree.  I was pretty clear on the high price I pay with my problems, how I wish I ha…

Anyone can mow a yard


Today was wierd. 

We got up very early (I didn't sleep well last night, I think some of the manufacturing noise in the industrial park combined with my innate "mental" and put me in a bad place).  I took a shower, though, and put in a few drops of argan oil I'd bought at the beauty supply store.  It seemed to help. 

"I think" I told Ron "People would say my hair is my best feature.  If you asked them to describe me, they'd talk about my glasses, then my hair.  When I get compliments they're nearly always about my hair (I get a few on my smile)."  So, I might as well pamper it. 

I'm not used to doing nice things for myself.  I'm still working on something between manic spending sprees, depressive funks, and honest self-care. 

We went to work.  The other vendor was there.  We "made nice" with him and chatted about random things. 

We went to check on the vending machines (I pushed Ron in the wheelchair, he can&…


I love afghans. They make me feel happy and loved, but the only ones I own, I made myself. 

I have two primary afghans, both brightly hued.  One I crocheted between 1994-1997. The other one I knitted in 2009 after Frosty died (the white cat).  I consider them both friends; but they need to retire. 

Torbie (the fat brown tabby) is a sweet and loving girl.  She loves to climb on my chest while I'm in bed.  She does this with Ron, too.  It's very sweet and cute.

Until I realized her claws were snagging in my afghans and pulling out threads.  At first, I was a little upset at Torbie.  But then I realized she loves me.  This is just a tagalong of her loving me.

What's more important?  A piece of fabric, or loving?  Clearly the loving. 

However, I like to sleep under a lot of layers.  I've lost 2 layers now. 

Time to look for some linens (apparently my handwoven Ikea bedspreads are also "snaggy" and need protection).  A cheap quilted bedspread?  I'm leanin…

Anything I say

Ron gave me the day off.  I slept in, until about 10:30.  I watched a little "Supernatural".  I ate a marshmallow pie and took my antidepressant.  I did my God Time. 

I also fixed Ron's rice dressing.  I cooked 3 cups rice, then I put it in a huge stainless bowl.  I cooked the rice dressing mix, and when it finished I combined it with the rice in the bowl.  I prepared a bowl for Ron. 

He left it sitting on the counter for a while (he couldn't have done that back in Bubba's day), but he did get around to eating it.  He said it was delicious and made yum yum noises as he ate it. 

He bagged up all the leftovers (about 6 bags), put one in the fridge, and froze the rest (I put them in the freezer, he still can't stand up).  He rolled around in the wheelchair taking care of things.  Then he did the dishes from his wheelchair. 

We remind each other he can use the bathroom unaided.  He can handle the personals.  He's taking a bath right now, by himself. 

It …

Sleeping with Torbie

I'll start on the positive notes:

I have tomorrow off. 

Ron's going to help pay for the eye exam and glasses.  I didn't expect that because he literally pays every bill, and I'd planned to cover it myself.

I slept great last night, not long enough but a good deep quality. 

I had a great nap today with Torbie.  She likes to get on my chest as I lie in bed.  I pet her, she purrs and massages for 10 minutes or so.  When she's had enough, she goes off to her spot at the foot of the bed.  I sure like sleeping with Torbie. 

That's really the big thing I want from "my" cat.  Someone to cuddle and sleep with me.  I get that in abundance, and she's lovey with Ron too.  I often find her sleeping next to Ron's pillow as he snores. 

Not so good: bad trips today.  All of them except the last.  Lots of waiting, lots of riding around.  Ron getting seasick from all the bouncing. 

The bottle vendor was acting up again.  I had problems with it.  I had to…

Bouncing Chicken Grease

Today was wild even by my standards. 

I could not fall asleep last night.  It must have been after 11.  I had to get up at 4-5 AM. 

As it is, I hit the snooze button so often I barely had time for a shower.  I'm really liking the Suave Moroccan Infusions hair care line. 

We went to the warehouse.  I needed one thing: cookies, which they did not have.  I got some granola bars because I need a coil-filler anyway.  I don't expect them to have great sales but it's a full coil.  I got Ron some soda. 

Our primary objective: fixing the Beast, the recalictrant bottle vendor.  The repairman was right on time. 

This may sound awful but I was rather pleased HE had a difficult time with it, too.  Good.  It's not just me.  We had to go in and out a few times to get tools. 

They've rerouted the entrance by our stockroom.  The other vendor is going to have to move A LOT of stuff.  When I left, they were getting ready to bolt barricades to the floor - no more big flatbed han…

I hate drama

Work went pretty well today. 

We got up and went to the warehouse.  Ron had his own comfortable wheelchair.  I'd brought a folding chair of my own.  I was glad I had it. 

We got soda, and I got some pastry.  I knew I needed pastry. 

I have Moon Pies, 3 kinds of honey bun (huge in Texas - I never really encountered them elsewhere), cinnamon rolls, and cheese danish.  I also have chocolate cupcakes and chocolate donuts. 

You know the real question isn't why I'm fat - it's why I'm not fatter! 

Tomorrow, amusingly enough, I need to get cookies.  At least they like what I'm selling.  I hate to offer a product and see it sit there, unsold.  Then I have to literally eat it or throw it out when it expires. 

We got our stuff and off to work.  The driver was kind of difficult.  I gave very clear directions.  He just went his own route.  He kept saying "Is it near ____" and saying the names of things I never understood.  Like "SSI"  - that's …

Back Attack!

Ron and I were talking "I really wish I could blog about this" I told him. 


"Because I work things out when I'm writing." 

"Oh, OK, then. You can tell them." 

Ron's back is a mess.  He can't even stand upright without groaning in pain. 

He has a back condition dating back to childhood.  I've seldom seen it bother him.  It sure is now. 

He didn't even try to move any vending machines (the usual attack trigger).  He had 2 or 3 due to that.  One time we had been at the hospital for several hours.  He was lying on the exam bed and the doctor asked "Did you try to move anything?" and Ron went "Oh, yeah, I tried to move the coffee machine." 

I had been up for almost a day straight.  I'd sat next to vomiting woman for hours.  I was very glad Ron was surrounded by so many witnesses!    I gave him "the eye". 

A couple weeks later, I caught him trying to move another machine!  Agh!  You…

The Game

I'm feeling pretty traumatized today. 

The neighbor kids must have had a rough day - they were literally slamming their soccer ball into the fence, and side of my house, today for well over half an hour.  I get it.  They need to work out their little agressions (but if they think their lives are "hard" now wait until they're on their own).   5 kids live in maybe 1400 square feet, and that's after Dad illegally converted the garage into 2 extra bedrooms. 

It's just difficult for me to handle all the banging and screaming and very loud thumps against my house.  Oh, don't ever buy a house on a zero property line.  I wanted to go yell at them to keep it down, but that's probably what Mom was yelling at them before they went out to "play". 

I do thank God I don't have any windows on that side of the house.  I know for a fact the kids broke two bay windows on their own house.  Since Dad is in construction, he replaced them himself. 


I didn't sign up for this

I read the above statement a few months after Ron's accident.  I'd found a support group for family of head injury survivors.  Most were parents of the victim, with a few wives. 

One had enough - he lost his temper with her one day in front of their son and she left him, saying "I didn't sign up for this." 

Then I had planned to segue into a blog about how I didn't think Ron would be where he is now; and how Ron never expected me to have such deep mental issues, but we work it out anyway.  I think I just did that. 

In some ways Ron and I do a lot more for each other than the "average" couple, in other ways we don't.  Watching Divorce Court, I'm amazed how many men say they feel unloved if the house is messy and they have to fix their own dinner.  That's life with me. 

Ron can't admire me visually, but I don't care about that.  He thinks I'm cute and that's all that matters.  He feels loved as he heats up his TV dinner…

Long jabby things

Ron's felt very unwell today.  He isn't drinking, he just feels terrible. 

I told him once I would ask before posting about him, on something like this.  So, I can tell you a lot of the day revolved around Ron not feeling well. 

But not the details. 

I can say I slept in a little, deciding to do my God Time in the later afternoon before I get on the computer.  Otherwise, in the morning, I'm rushing through it. 

I took a shower.  I really like my new shampoo/conditioner combo.  One thing I have found frustrating - all the slangy terms long-haired women use like "cowashing" and "cone free".  I managed to figure out what all that meant but why not just type the word? 

So, Suave Moroccan Infusions continues to garner high points.  I like the fragrance, it's very light.  It conditions without getting my hair greasy. 

When I see other women with long hair, one thing worries me: many times the hair is greasy at the head level, then gets very dry and …


It was awful.  The party machine went on until 2 AM. 

I don't even want to talk about it anymore.  I arose after 4 hours' sleep to find my precious Torbie curled up in bed. 

I gave her morning kisses and petting as I do every day, and took a shower.  I did my God Time later. 

I ate some yogurt, but not enough, and took my antidepressant.  I got pretty queasy.  Metrolift was on time, but we got the scenic tour or north Houston before they dropped us off. 

The warehouse greeter offered me a pastry, which I declined.  I had to explain my medication had made me queasy.  She was really shocked to hear that. 

Shocked that I am on medication maybe?  I don't know. 

Anyway, we didn't have much money so we got the basics we knew we needed.  I got some chips, would have liked more. 

I didn't need the pastry.  I thought I did.  I'm glad I didn't get it.

Oh, boy.  Now my legs are erupting in hives.  This is not fun.  I took a benadryl. 

I got 2 boxes of chips a…

Two days off

Ron gave me two days off in a row.  Nice days, even. 

And I'm sick and I can't appreciate them.  AGH.  I remind myself God has an eternity of wonderful days with fascinating activities. 

Yesterday I thought I would run two errands, Walmart, and Dollar Tree.  I went to Walmart and got some simple things.  I have very little appetite and have lost 5 pounds since I got sick.  I just don't get hungry when I'm sick. 

It used to scare Mom to death.  Then I'd be better, and eating everything. 

I got my items, some stuff for Ron, and then we came home.  I put away my groceries and we went to Dollar Tree. 

I wanted to get some of the $1 5 LED flashlights.  We had a power outage a while back and I realized they'd be useful in every room.  I found some. 

I also got a 3 LED flashlight - it was a little brighter.  So either is good for disaster supplies.  I got some batteries for the flashlights and called it a day. 

I was exhausted.  I mean, completely wiped out &qu…

The worst neighbor

Ugh.  Wierd stew today. 

Sick.  Depressed.  Party Machine neighbors have been going since 2 PM.  I don't get it. 

The house is owned by 2 senior women.  An older man (60's plus) also lives there.  I have seen one of the old ladies walking a small child into the house. 

Normally they have 2 sedans and a grey pickup.  All is well when it's just them.  The gold pickup is the party machine.  When the kids who owned it rented the house, they'd leave the vehicle open with the stereo blasting, then open the front door of the house. 

They live on a bayou.  The mosquitoes have been horrific this year - I got bit 10 times last night just bringing in the trash can!  I can only imagine the interior of the home, if they're still doing that. 

I think they get home after school and do the music until the seniors come home, then turn it off.  I believe they are in college ot tech school.  They don't work, always have weekends off, maybe they got a student loan.  Or maybe …

But he's blind...

I don't believe in typecasting. 

Black men aren't all thugs, rappers, or athletes.  White guys aren't all computer geeks. 

Not every blind guy is a pervert; but I've met my fair share.  I have a theory on that.

Admittedly, I have girl parts.  I like men, specifically, I like my husband.  So I don't know how the male mind works. 

However, some men "look".  The "nice" ones are discreet and don't make me feel used. 

What if the man's blind?  Well, some of them become gropers.  Yeah.  You heard that. 

"You'd be amazed" Ron told me "At the trouble we got into at the school for the blind, finding ways to get into trouble."  One thing I found particularly troubling, the teenagers (I think they "had" to be 15) were allowed to check the book "Girls and Sex" out of the library.  It was a very graphic sex manual. 

A lot of people think the blind are more "spritual" than that - they aren…

Thank God for Bandanas

I probably spelled that wrong, but guess what?  I took my meds today. 

Properly medicated trumps proper spelling, and grammar, every time. 

I have a head cold.  In my family, one either had a head cold (what you'd consider a cold) or a "chest cold" (what a physician would consider bronchitis).  This is all "head". 

The runny nose has passed, I'm into the nose-blowing and clearing out congestion part of the program.  If I'm not diligent with this portion, the remains will lodge and fester into sinus trouble.  I've lived in this body for 39 years, I know a few things. 

Years ago, I got manic for bandanas.  They're cheap.  They're colorful.  I can use them to accessorize, if desired.  I liked them for wiping sweat off my face (I sweat a lot in the summer!). 

I have to avoid red and blue, due to gang issues.  Just like Ron and I never wear red or blue when we're out.  Work, and our handout spot, are in bad locations.  However, that leav…

3 Encounters

I had 3 encounters today, but I can only remember 2 right now.  Well, I'll just share the ones I do recall. 

We got up and went to the warehouse.  We got bottled drinks.  We took them to work and got them into the fridge. 

Important: we were there during the other guy's window of occupation.  Ron and I decided he could just act casual, like we just saw him on Friday, "How's it going" no drama, and see how that progressed.  It seemed pretty safe.  If he barked at us we could just leave. 

However, our ride was over an hour late and we missed him.  We did see the other guy's employees, both of them very nice men.  [first encounter]

We went back to the warehouse.  It was snack time.  I got my snacks.  Ron kept asking if I wanted to eat first and I said no. 

I got my merchandise (I added Fruit Rollups to the lineup).  Ron's very amenable to my creativity as long as everything has a good food cost.  I was actually a very bad customer and opened the box.  If…

I bought it when I was manic

Dad died laughing when I said "Well, I bought it when I was manic..."  He understood completely.  My mother was the type to buy a new car when she got manic.  A box of hair color is not a big deal. 

I like the henna, glad I got it, but a little tired of the very loud red at my part.  I have some brown henna.  I plan to use it on the part, out a few inches, in an ombre type pattern.  Brown out a few inches and then it goes red.  I think that would be cool. 

I'll play with it in a few weeks. 

I also got a bag of Petsmart Simply Nourish Limited Ingredient dry cat food, salmon flavor.  3.5 pounds.  Turns out the girls adore it.  They love to munch at it. 

Now, the Blue Wilderness Duck isn't going anywhere, that's a staple, but we like to have a few offerings for the cats.  I can't, personally, imagine anything worse than eating the same food every day.  Ron and I like to provide variety for the girls.  Duck, or salmon.  We also have some chicken we're usi…

"They're all hypocrites"

He didn't deserve the tip, but he got it anyway. 

First, let's start at the beginning.  Me, coughing all night.  I can't take cough suppressants.  I forget what they do to me but it's awful.  Oh, yeah, "Robotripping". 

It can act as a "dissociativehallucinogen".  Like I tell people who used to do drugs, "You took them to get out of reality, I take mine to stay in it!"  I like reality and would prefer to remain. 

Guaifenesin - I can take a little, in very small doses, but it raises my lithium level.  Not good. 

Decongestants interact and can cause a fatal seizure. 

So, most cold meds are out.  Happily, everything is draining so it's not setting up camp in "my sinus".  Doesn't that bug you, when someone goes on about "My sinus hurts"?  You have 8 sinus cavities. 

They're clear. 

So, we went to the warehouse, and then to work.  I wanted to get it over and done with before the rain. 

One of our drivers, …

Pretty cute

In a lot of ways my day was awful today. 

We'll dwell on that later. 

For now, cat photo.  This can be found if I turn my head.   Torbie's on the left, Baby Girl's on the right.  Baby Girl is also known as "Daddy's Girl". 

Pretty cute.  :) 

The worst yard on the block

Ron and I walked into the Sam's Club this morning.  One of our favorite greeters headed for us.  "Hi, ya'll, how ya..." 

"Wait!" I held up my hand.  "I have a cold!  I don't want to get you sick!"  He laughed and stood back as I showed him my card, and got Ron settled (I usually park him in an unused scooter). 

I did the same with the manager, who also laughed.  I really hate being contagious.  I want to stay home until I'm well.  I don't want to be the person who infected people.  I hate that. 

I'm fine with the fact that I was most likely infected by someone at a store, or the sick driver I had a few days ago.  She was just trying to pay the bills.  She didn't get dressed for work thinking "I'm going to make Heather sick!"  No, she thought about how bad she felt, and how she had to work anyway. 

I don't actually feel that bad.  This is more mild-to-moderate.  I just don't want it getting stuck in my …

I hab a cold

Tired so I did a video blog. 

I have a moderate cold.  I hope I didn't spread it today. 

You get some Ron in the background I think. 

Showing off my hair

First things first.  I did a henna last night. 

This is what I did.  One package Reshma henna (It was either original or natural).  I mixed it with the juice of 2 lemons, and very strong brewed tea. 

I applied it to my hair and let it sit for 4 hours.  Then I rinsed it out and "washed" it with conditioner. 

I woke up to this: 

A driver took this photo.  She did a good job! 

It's a little tangled because I was out in the wind, frequently. 

It's great to know henna is a conditioning and protective treatment as well as a coloring one.  I had leftover so I plan to use that in a few weeks, then do another "proper" treatment a few weeks later, about 10 days before Mom and Dad come to visit. 

I didn't sleep well.  I woke up with a sore throat and the sniffles, and I've been sneezing. 


I knew I'd be shorted on sleep duration so I had already taken my shower the night before.  I did my God Time before I got on the computer.  The girls (c…

Calling menopause

It's bad when we're both depressed. 

Ron and I woke up about the same time.  "I don't want to go to Walmart" he said, exhausted.  "Why are we going?" 

"You wanted to put some money in my account and get some melatonin."  I reminded him.  My account is just for internet.

"Would you mind..." 

"I was only going for you.

"OK, I'm going to cancel." 

I did not sleep well last night.  I suspect menopause may be a factor. 

Why, you may ask, do you think that's an issue?  Well, my cycles are WHACK.  They have never been this whack, ever.  They are getting longer, and shorter.  I'm having a week of spotting beforehand, and hardly any flow during. 

I have hot flashes.  I have trouble sleeping.  I cry even when I'm manic (that is not a bioplar thing).  The rest of it, more depression (which I find is common amongst bipolar menopausal ladies), mood issues, etc... that can all fit as well, or it could j…

A lot about my hair

So, big news first: I got my lithium level back.  It is .5, which is good.  A little low even. 

Rather aggravating, that.  Moving on. 

My hair has been pretty dry since my henna treatment.  I decided to do some kind of moisturizing treatment.  I did a lot of research.  I went to the store and read labels. 

I decided I did not want to put mineral oil on my hair.  It depletes the body of vitamins.  I didn't want to put plysorobanobital on my hair.  Good as it might be, I want to *know* what I'm using. 

I'm also cheap, and have a bottle of grapeseed oil.  Not only that, I have some essential oils.  More research (benefits of the mania) and I concluded that grapeseed oil is very good for the hair. 

I put some grapeseed oil in a small glass bowl and added 2 drops of cedarwood (Texas of course), and one drop rose geranium oil.  I used about 1/3 cup but I still have leftovers.  3 T or a quarter cup would work better with one or two drops essential oil only. 

I decided to ap…