Sunday, June 17, 2018

A visit with the parents

So, my Dad's in town.  Along with my adoptive Mom.  Say what you will, she did raise me. 

I slept pretty well last night - no noise.  Biscuit threw up twice, he must have known today was special.  I cleaned it up when I got up. 

I took my shower and tried to get Ron ready.  He bitterly protested the washcloth so I barely got anything done. 

I figured out how to hack his hospital blood test results - man, he is anemic.  I can see why they gave him blood.  Even after the blood, most of his numbers suck.  His liver numbers were a little low but not overly.  I was happy to see that. 

So I left Ron on his own.  Mom and Dad have raised 4 kids and have 4 grandkids.  I knew they would understand, if Ron wasn't up to "standards", that I had done my best.  I wasn't too happy that Ron wore his long pants (I think he is shy about his legs, now), and then laid in bed, getting cat hair all over them.  Then I had to lint brush them and try to make him look presentable. 

Funny how, in spite of everything, I still want to impress them. 

They came to get us.  I brought her in the house (I had warned her it was a mess) and introduced her to the cats; well, Baby Girl and Torbie.  Biscuit fled, under the bed, I presume, when he heard her. 

She got some pictures of the girls, then me holding each one (I got cat hair all over my shirt).  We left.  It was raining.  Dad had rented a Chevy Traverse, I think, so plenty of room for the wheelchair in the back.  He let me handle it.  None of us wants Dad blowing his back on something I do practically every day. 

You could see the cat hair all over Ron's butt, when he got in the car.  Sigh. 

We went to church.  It was fine.  I didn't see a lot of people I knew but that was OK.  It will probably be a while until I can get back.  It's not on a bus line, or in the service area for paratransit.  Basically the black zone. 

We went out to the BBQ place Dad likes, after.  He loves going to this place every time he comes, and one year we went multiple times.  He had brisket, she had ribs, Ron had brisket and links (at least he is eating red meat to build up his blood), and I had a burger.  It was PACKED.  We had a good meal.  Ron did not drink, I think he forgot they sell alcohol, or he didn't want to look like a lush in front of my parents. 

We came home.  I took a nap.  At first I was lonely.  I have gotten spoiled, with Torbie and Biscuit sleeping with me most nights.  Biscuit decided to forgive me for bringing her in, and got in bed with me.  That was a good nap. 

I got up.  Biscuit laid by me on the computer for a while, that's another thing he and Torbie do.  Easy to see my 2 favorites - and then went and vomited twice on the tile floor.  He's a puker, my Biscuit, but very fat so I don't worry about him.  I cleaned it up.  The last thing I needed was Ron rolling through the mess and tracking it all over the house. 

I need to do my God Time, and bag up some candy.  I will do that and probably go right back to bed.  Tomorrow starts very early. 

About the possum: if I weren't mentally ill I would be a lot more concerned, but how do I know it's really there?  I have heard some noise, which could have been the cats.  I saw it once, and I found a half-eaten cracker where I saw the possum, but that was a while ago.  I think it went,and then our handyman fixed it so it couldn't come back.  Biscuit has gone under the bed a couple of time when people came by, so I don't think it's under there.  I venture it would object to Biscuit popping in like that. 

So I'm not going to stress.  But Mom made a good point, I'd better deactivate the trap before I take my little overnight trip.  Hate to have a cat stuck in there 'till we got home. 

Off I go to bag up candy. 

Saturday, June 16, 2018

My day in 10 paragraphs

I didn't sleep well last night, something making noise under my bed woke me up a couple of times.  I told the possum to shut up when Ron was in the hospital, I didn't have time for it, but it has apparently become active again. 

I did sleep with Torbie and Biscuit, so nice to have them in my bed.  They are very cuddly.  I sure get a lot out of them. 

I got up late, took my shower, and went to the warehouse.  Ron was in a nasty mood to start, and I found him drinking in the kitchen when I got up this morning.  That wasn't encouraging.  I got all our supplies and we went to work and unloaded them. 

I helped him stock, "my" department didn't need much so I just focused on helping him.  We finished and came home. 

I was pretty tired - interrupted sleep from last night.  I took a very short nap with Torbie and Biscuit (again!), got up. 

The whole time Ron was in the hospital he kept talking about Red Lobster, how much he wanted to go there.  I told him we would go when he got out.  He finally got to go today. 

It was a good meal but I honestly wouldn't go back.  It was alright but pretty expensive.  Yeah, they give you a lot of food but I have a little seafood shack close to the house that has better food, for cheaper. 

But it made Ron happy, and my pills were OK with my meal.  That's all I really cared about. 

We came home.  I am finishing up some laundry and then calling my parents, and going to bed.  They will be picking us up at 10 tomorrow morning so I will wake up early so I can make sure Ron is presentable. 

I'm tired.  Hopefully I will sleep uninterrupted tonight. 

Friday, June 15, 2018


We had today off - we worked last night for the night shift.  Both of us thought it was a good idea for them to see us.  It was good but I was tired and went to bed when we got home. 

I thought I might sleep later, but I still woke up around 8 this morning.  I got up, did my shower and God Time.  I bagged up some candy, feeling guilty about the cold germs I am certainly including with the candy assortment.  I consoled myself with the thought it is not a bad cold and they will recover quickly if they do get sick. 

I tried to take a nap, but it didn't work.  Ron wanted to go out.  I checked the mail and found the letter from the doctor asking us to come in re: his tests.  I told Ron, he said he would call next week.  I'm not happy about it but Ron's body = Ron's decision.  I will remind him of this, repeatedly.  Not much else I can do in the meantime. 

As I said before, I'm conflicted.  If there was a serious problem I have to think the hospital doctor would have mentioned it, but he only brought up the anemia.  It could be this doctor just wants every patient to come in and discuss their blood work.  I don't know, and I won't know until we go in.  How fun! Having to wonder for days. 

In the meantime, my Dad and stepmother are coming out to visit.  We will entertain them for a few days and send them on their way.  She is thinking she can come in and get pictures of the cats.  My cats don't operate like that.  They hate photos, and strangers.  My house is a mess - if I was going to clean it, Ron's hospitalization and my subsequent cold put the nail in that.  I will be lucky to clean the most objectionable spots and leave it at that.  I'm choosing not to invest any energy in worrying about that. 

I can only do what I can do.  I ran the business, I took care of Ron, I took care of the cats.  We are clean, smell appropriate, and are wearing clean clothes.  That's the best I can do right now. 

I remind myself I am also operating under a big load of medication - and it makes me tired.  It works, I didn't get manic with Ron in the hospital.  I took care of myself when I got sick.  But I get tired.  And I have brain damage, I can't even drive. 

Ron was talking today at dinner about how great it would be if I could drive.  That's like saying how great it would be if he could drive.  Me, when I think about driving I think about very expensive repairs, road rage, and other drivers distracted by devices.  I see it a lot these days, a driver sitting at a light, the light changes, it's a good 45 seconds with all the other car horns blaring before he/she looks up and sees the light has changed.  By the time they get going the light has changed and the next one gets into their device.  I see them, all the time, scrolling, as they drive.  It's scary. 

I wasn't hurt, but I could have been, by that, especially when Ron started comparing me to other women he knew, who could drive.  Well, guess what?  They are all gone, he's in a wheelchair now, and I'm still here.  So maybe driving isn't that important after all. 

I did have a loss today.  I was doing some preliminary packing today for our overnight trip to Galveston.  I rinsed off my deodorant stone, picked it up, and fumbled!  Crash!  Fragments of deodorant stone all over the floor!  I really like the crystal, it works very well for me.  I had to sweep it up, the fragments weren't sharp, but they were "crunchy" underfoot. 

I didn't have any issues using the aluminum based deodorants, but I got a lot of abscesses in my armpit area.  When I switched to the crystal, they stopped.  So I use it because it works and also no infections.  Nothing more painful. 

Happily, I did have a backup, so no great loss.  I am a little sad because I had it for so long and it went through a lot with me.  I tend to get attached to things. 

Well, I'd better get going.  Tomorrow we do our supply run.  That will be hot and miserable work.  But it won't be long. 

Then I can come home and do some cleaning.  I'm not frantic, but I will do what I can. 

Got a letter

From Ron's primary doc.  Wants to discuss blood test results.  - cue ominous music-

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Back to Old Days

Ron has just been awful the last couple days. 

He was fairly sweet when he was in the hospital, and the first few days home, but we are back to Old Days with a vengeance.  Name-calling, judging, demanding, unreasonable, manipulative, just all around awful. 

I know a lot of you are not surprised. 

Anyway, yesterday I had a horrible headache that morphed into a migraine.  I figured that out in the Denny's bathroom, as I vomited up the diet soda I had drunk.  That's all I had, just some diet soda.  I ordered food but looking at it made me nauseous so I put it in a to go container.  I had a little more diet soda, started getting queasy.  I took a phenergan, and threw up.  Thankfully in the toilet, and no one knew but me, but I was ready to go home and go to bed. 

I did that.  I slept late and got up with Biscuit demanding breakfast.  I fed him.  I figured out what I had eaten that triggered the headache.  I had already eaten some of the chips today, so I got a bad headache, but nothing like yesterday. 

I rested as much as I could.  My house will have to stay messy.  I have to take care of myself. 

I did take a shower and do my God Time, then back to bed.  I am still getting over the cold (thank God NOT a sinus infection) and a migraine today so priority: me. 

I did help Ron get ready for work, we went in late today.  We paid some refunds and made change.  One of the safety guys wanted to talk to us about some issues which were all related to the other vendor.  He said it was fine for us to keep Ron's work wheelchair in the cafeteria area.  That was my only concern with "safety" - they might say no to that.  We stocked, it needed some work but not "blown out". 

I like to go in for different shifts and be seen, let them know who they are supporting.  I think that is important.  I would like to do that more often.  About the only problem I had were people coming to me for refunds for the other vendor's machines.  I politely told them I don't service those machines and referred them to the number posted on the machines. 

However, it threw my schedule all out of whack, I am used to sleeping when I was working, and I hadn't taken my mood stabilizers yesterday due to the migraine, plus still getting over the migraine and the cold. 

Ron said I was being a bitch.  I don't believe I was, but I wasn't putting up with his shit to the degree I normally do. 

When we got home Ron went straight for the vodka.  He says everyone, including his doctor and pharmacist, are "liars" because it isn't outright killing him to drink and take the blood thinner.  I told him alcohol amplifies drugs and it is a bad idea.  He told me to shut up. 

I believe he is somewhat suicidal.  He is hoping to "accidentally" kill himself.  That's the only explanation I can find for him mixing alcohol and prescriptions in direct opposition to 2 doctors' orders.  He called the pharmacy when I wasn't around.  He spoke to his doctor in front of me.  He knows it is not safe, but he does it. 

In fact, today he told me "I'm going to have 2 (servings) today, since one didn't hurt me".  I reminded him he had told me he wasn't going to talk about his alcohol usage to me now, since it is verboten. 

And, along with the drinking comes the stupid behaviors, like throwing out a whole package of burritos he liked because he thought they were the ones that gave me migraines.  Now he is out a whole package of burritos and I have them rotting in my garbage. 

I'm tired. 

Tuesday, June 12, 2018


Monday was long.  I got up early, went to work, sick.  Sorry customers.  A lot of you will be coming down with colds now.  It can't be avoided. 

On a 1-10 with 10 being a puking migraine, I would call the cold a 3.  Not acute or severe by any means.  Just annoying and tiring. 

We went to work, I stocked, I helped Ron.  I was particularly careful about pushing him from one spot to another when he was working, because I didn't want him hitting his leg on a table and bleeding everywhere.  He is on blood thinners, that means more coddling. 

Speaking of his blood, when I was reviewing the discharge papers his A1C was 5.1 - that's perfect. 

I was talking to a friend I have known online for probably 20 years, and she made a comment "I don't mother my husband".  Well, in my case I need to.  I need to remind him to take his pills, etc.  It's just a feature of the head injury. 

He did have one drink one Sunday, but hasn't had any since.  He only told me afterward.  I told him I was very disappointed and reminded him, if he gets sick, I will be the one they blame.  He told me, if he drinks again he won't tell me.  I don't see how that is supposed to protect me. 

Other than that it was a pretty standard day, except I made sure he didn't bang into anything.  Most blind people, I have found, have a lot of scars on their lower legs from constantly running into things.  Heads and hands are other popular injury spots.  Just what I have seen. 

We came home.  I took a nap.  We went out to eat and had a pretty good time.  When we got home I made our royalty payment to the state program.  They get a percentage, every month.  If they DON'T get their payment there is hell to pay. 

I did that.  I went to bed. 

I am taking various supplements that are compatible with my medication, oregano oil capsules, vitamin C, etc.  My ears got clogged this morning so I took some guiafenisen.  It acts as a decongestant but isn't one, so I can take it.  If I took normal cold pills I would 1.  Become screamingly manic.  Really wild.  and 2.  Have a fatal seizure from drug interactions.  I guess I would die "happy" but not a good way to go. 

And how stupid, "She took cold medicine with her crazy pills".  Like I said, it's uncomfortable but not miserable.  I didn't get a bad cold as these go. 

I did manage to start my cycle, though.  That and the cold at the same time reminds me of the time I had my cycle and the flu, around Christmas, back in 1991.  That was a miserable time.  Company was visiting so they took my bed and put me on the floor, with the flu.  The other kids were not sick, and got to keep their beds.  I was also under quarantine because some of the guests were older and they didn't want him getting sick.  That, I could understand, but taking my bed?  My Dad made enough money, they could have bought a bed for the guests and then donated it afterward.  I would never put my sick child on the floor. 

I slept pretty long.  I kept waking up to blow my nose (the last time I took an antihistamine I got really manic, so I'm avoiding them), and drink water, but otherwise OK.  I had some odd dreams, but not bad. 

I woke up at 7 to an eager Biscuit wanting his breakfast.  Apparently, Biscuit is going to Ron first thing in the morning, when he's awake, and trying to motivate Ron into getting up and feeding him.  Ron never feeds the cats dry food.  I don't think he even knows where I keep the bowl.  I brushed my teeth and fed Biscuit, then I loaded my pills into my portable organizer. 

When I get sick, I lose my appetite.  I don't have an appetite today.  When I get really sick the idea of food is revolting.  I have been told it's the body's way of ramping up the immune system, so all those people who were screaming at me and shoving food in my face, every time I got sick: WRONG.  Better to do a light fast (eat with meds only) and get better fast-er. 

I'm not big on fasting, but I will when I'm sick, as much as possible when I need to be taking my pills with food,and a pretty good amount, at that. 

We went to Walmart.  Our ride was very late but Ron was happy about it.  He doesn't like to spend very long at Walmart.  We rode with a very obese woman and a guy on the way to dialysis.  The other clients, if they are not on dialysis or mentally limited, are always obese.  They need sturdier vehicles.  Sometimes the passenger will literally break the front passenger seat. 

We paid the electric bill and got Ron's medication.  That wasn't cheap.  I left Ron up front and did my shopping.  I bought some salad greens, and some cooking greens.  Last week I promised myself I would eat a raw green salad (mixed greens) and a cooked green every day.  I can absolutely do that.  It can only improve my health. 

I also got some other things, and Ron's cat treats.  I paid.  Ron texted me he wanted chicken strips.  I went back and got them. 

I specifically asked him, before I started shopping, to tell me everything he wanted, but he changed his order twice.  I got it anyway. 

I got his chicken strips and took them to him.  He ate them with a good appetite. 

I ate my hamburger (a small one) and took my morning pills.  When we got home I put the food away and then went to bed. 

Someone rang the doorbell around 2.  I was furious they might have woken Ron up.  By the time I got to the door, the coward had run off.  Shame.  I was looking forward to sharing my head cold.  I went back to bed and had a dream about Anthony Bourdain.  It is a shame he killed himself, especially as I believe he died unsaved. 

I got up and watched a little TV, figured out what I want for dinner (salad, cooked greens, soup, and a glass of milk should hold my evening pills).  I'm about to go eat it now. 

I have NO appetite but I still need to get it down so I can take my pills.  The last thing this family needs is me getting mentally sick. 

A visit with the parents

So, my Dad's in town.  Along with my adoptive Mom.  Say what you will, she did raise me.  I slept pretty well last night - no noise.  ...