Advice for those with bipolar disorder:

1. Develop a strong faith life.
2. Take EVERYTHING AS DIRECTED.
3. Communicate with your doctor. Be honest; if you are hearing things he needs to know, and it's a very easy fix! I know!
4. You're going to have to deal with side effects: remember they are worth it.
5. You are DEAD without your medication.
6. Avoid drugs and alcohol: they are mood poison.
7. Learn to laugh at yourself and ride the waves.
8. Proper sleep is vital; don't neglect it.

Monday, January 23, 2017

I wish it had been a manic Monday.

Ugh.  So depressed today. 

I'm not sleeping well, and that stupid motion detector light keeps shining in my bedroom.  I think that is less responsible for me waking up and having less of a quality of sleep, because some nights I sleep great.  But it's annoying.  It's almost annoying enough to go talk to #6, but I don't want him to know it bothers me because he may adjust it to cause even more unpleasantness. 

I woke up feeling really exhausted.  I reset my alarm, giving myself an hour to get ready.  I went back to sleep. 

I got up and took my shower, but didn't do my God Time (yet).  I ate a protein bar and took my pills, washing it down with my customary bottle of Diet Mountain Dew. 

Many years ago, I used to have a Snickers bar and a regular Mountain Dew for breakfast.  I'm never hungry in the morning.  Before medication, I would just wait until I got hungry and then eat.  These days, I have to take my pills with food so I eat on a more regular basis. 

We went to work. 

Things were really slow.  I hardly had to stock snacks at all.  I helped Ron with his work, he overdid it lifting a case of water last week and his back is bothering him. I may need to stock the water from now on, the case weighs 44 pounds.  Up to this point, Ron has been adamant he can do it. 

Clearly, he can't.  I'll have to pick my battles on that one. 

We got everything stocked and went outside.  The driver was kind of odd.  He parked in an illogical place and kept telling me Ron couldn't walk because he was in a wheelchair.  Then Ron stood up and opened the door to the vehicle. 

I don't think, as yet, the driver has encountered a lot of disabled people. 

He missed our exit and went past the subdivision, then came back.  I don't know why, he had his GPS on and clearly understood the fastest way to get home.  I was happy to get out of his vehicle.

I saw construction equipment digging away outside at the corner, where we had the sinkhole.  A guy at work told me the sinkhole probably happened from a ruptured or leaking pipe. 

I'm just glad it's being dealt with, but I will be afraid to walk on the sidewalk now, knowing what could be underneath my feet!  I always assume it's lots of dirt, but apparently not all the time. 

Tomorrow I will tell you about one of my stranger childhood phobias. 

I'd had a mild headache most of the day, it wasn't quite bad enough to take my aspirin but it was bad enough.  When we got home I took some aspirin and laid down. 

It didn't get better.  I felt like the pain was oozing out of the pores in my forehead. 

I got up later and talked to Ron for a little bit (for once he was positive, but he was drinking), and watched a little TV. 

I did my God Time (you knew I was getting to that) and got online. 

We have tomorrow off, and we can take it.  Things were really slow at work. 

The cats are good.  Biscuit and Baby Girl escaped into the garage when I was getting them more litter.  I had a hard time getting them out, but they're inside now. 

Ron made a trip for me to go to Walmart tomorrow so I can restock on various things.  Good.  I need to. 

Sunday, January 22, 2017

"This neighborhood has really gone downhill since I moved in"

Today was the kind of day I shouldn't have had. 

No, Ron was pretty tame for him, just his usual spewing negativity for minutes on end.  Ugh.  Toxic. 

Depressed as I am, I have to think Ron is worse. 

No, it was one of those "Days off and Ron didn't want to go anywhere so we just stayed home" days.  When we're depressed, I have to think that is not a good thing. 

I slept in until 9, and watched Law and Order reruns for a while as Ron raved about the dark and miserable nature of life.  It's impossible to shut him up because then he "points" it at me instead.  His tongue is a nasty weapon, let me tell you. 

That reminds me of a meme I saw.  It was a case of pastries, with tongs hanging outside the case. It said "Please do not use hands to pick up items.  Please use tongue"  That one always makes me grin. 

He sat on the floor, drinking vodka, "I hate this crap" and feeding treats to the cats.  What I find interesting is Ron's dread terror of me following in his footsteps. 

Years ago I tried a premade liquid protein "shot".  It was ghastly.  I spit it out and grabbed the first thing at hand, Ron's open bottle of vodka.  He started screaming at me not to drink, etc. I took a swig, swished it around in my mouth, and spit it out.  I wasn't going to drink it, I just wanted to kill the taste, but Ron was in an absolute panic.  He says he doesn't want to get in trouble with my family, but I think he's just afraid I will become an alcoholic. 

That's why I don't drink.  Why take a chance?  Not to mention alcohol interacts with my Haldol.  I've seen what alcohol did to me - maimed me for life.  That's enough right there.  I've seen what alcohol did to my husband.  I've seen what alcohol has done to others. 

I don't see any benefit to alcohol. 

NOT worth it.  Ever. 

I took a shower.  Since I've been wearing long jeans, I haven't shaved my legs in a while.  I felt a little bad about traumatizing the utility worker with my hairy legs last night (I was in my nightgown).  I gave an attempt at shaving my legs and got about half the hair off.  I thought it was interesting that Ron suggested Nair.  Ron isn't really "hairy" except for his beard, but he still knew about it.  I will keep razor shaving my legs until they go back to normal.  I didn't think it would be this hard to get them back. 

I was also curious to see what they looked like.  They have coarse, black, prickly, hair.  The hair on my arms is soft and fine.  I figured it would eventually switch over but I guess not. 

I got out of the shower (Ron was still complaining about life, and God) and did my God Time.  I didn't tell Ron what I was doing, it wasn't his business, but he still went on about how I love God so much and Ron "hates" Him.  Exhausting. 

We had a windstorm today too, which kept things chilly and miserable.  I think I heard the chair fly off the front porch earlier. 

After I did my God Time I decided to take a nap.  Ron was asleep and I might as well get some rest, too.  I slept pretty well but I had a nightmare about bees that woke me up. 

I got online and posted on my message boards, and checked Facebook.  A couple of people are sick, I hard about a couple planned dinners, and someone's relative's house is about to burn down in a wildfire. 

I heard #2 outside working, still fixing it up.  The previous tenants must have made a real mess. 

It's ironic, one day we were outside in our front yards, he looked around, and said "This neighborhood has really gone downhill since I moved in".  I was dying to agree with him - because HE had brought it down. 

Ron's up, and plans to start drinking again.  I will order some Chinese food, I think, take my meds, and go to bed as early as I can.  Ron's still complaining. 

He's the most ungrateful person I know. 

Saturday, January 21, 2017

The sinkhole

#19 apparently (they are Mexican) had an inauguration party last night.  I heard music and singing until pretty late, but it was apparent they were "trying" to be quiet so I didn't complain.  Then the weather system rolled in, severe rain that had me worried about flooding. 

I actually got out of bed at one point and had a look outside.  The street was wet, but not flooding.  I went back to bed. 

I woke up exhausted and depressed.  I didn't take a shower, do my God Time or do anything other than feed Biscuit, eat my protein bar, and take my meds.  Well, I got dressed. 

We went to the warehouse and got our supplies.  I went a little light on the snacks.  I figure things are quieter now and that's something we can get on paratransit, if need be.  I have 34 square feet of storage in my stockroom, so I have to make sure it's stuff I need to stock RIGHT NOW. 

I have some stuff in the stockroom already. 

Jack came and got us, we had a nice ride to work.  I talked to him about the pig.  The other day, on the way home in a cab, I saw a large pig standing on the sidewalk, by the mailbox. 

I wasn't sure if I was having an "episode" or what.  So I asked the driver if he saw a pig.  He said yes, he did, and wasn't it big? 

I gazed at the large black pig, trotting after his (?) master.  I heard rumors of a house with a pig back on Halloween but I didn't believe it.  I certainly wouldn't have guessed it was that large. 

I'm sure pigs make great pets but I have a deep and abiding love of pork products.  It just goes to show, you never know what's going on behind that closed door. 

I'm sure someone in my subdivision is making love right now, someone else is having a fight, and someone else is changing a diaper. 

We got to work, unloaded, got everything in the building.  I helped Ron, mainly, because snacks really didn't need much.  I stocked a few things but not much. 

We came home.  As we passed the corner, I saw sidewalk sections sticking up in the air.  I got off the vehicle and walked back to look at the mess. 

3 sections of sidewalk caved into a sinkhole, apparently caused by last night's rain.  There's a great view in the hole: tree roots, rushing water, and broken sidewalk sections. 

I was so glad I hadn't walked on that section of sidewalk.  The last time I checked the mail I noticed a large puddle, where it didn't used to collect.  I walked around it (the sinkhole growing underneath) and on the grass instead.  It's a good thing.  That could have caved in with me right in the middle of it. 

Now I can't check the mail for the next couple days, until they get all that fixed.  It's a huge safety issue.  Right now they just have it roped off with caution tape, a perimeter drawn with spray-paint a few feet out from the sinkhole, with NO NO NO written all around it. 

Yeah, that'll work.  Especially with little kids. 

We called it in of course, and they have a guy out there right now, on a weekend night.  It's over by #2 so we called her, but she already knew.  She told us she has a nice family of 3, no dog (praise God), moving in when they get the house ready.  It's good to be on good terms with her. 

We went in the house.  I felt pretty grubby and decided to take a shower when I got up from my nap. 

I had about 3 hours to nap if I wanted to do that.  I laid down. 

#6 has several kids, a teenage boy, a preteen girl, 3 children, and a toddler.  The toddler was in fine form today, having a screaming tantrum right outside my bedroom wall.  So much for my nap.  I went back to sleep, she acted up again. 

I don't envy parents.  That's why I never wanted kids.  Too much work. 

I finally got up and took my shower.  I got some new soap a while back, Zest Shea and Cocoa butter.  Sounds nice, huh?  It feels nice, does the job of getting me clean without drying my hands out like that rose soap did.  However, the fragrance is ghastly.  I hate it.  They should have gone with a cocoa butter, vanilla, or buttercream fragrance, because the existing one is nasty, like rotting flowers with some tub cleaner thrown in. 

I'll have to get something else, maybe some Dove or Dial, I like the gold fragrance. 

A utility guy just went in my backyard to look at the telephone box.  At least, I assume he is.  He was dressed like one, carrying utility guy equipment.  He is working away at the back of the house. 

Apparently the sinkhole cave in took out some utility lines. 

We don't have At&T anyway.  Their tech support made me cry so I went to cable internet. 

I got up and took my shower, happy the water was still working, especially considering the water rushing at the bottom of the sinkhole.  I got dressed, Ron got dressed, and we went out to our ride. 

He was late, and Ron was very upset to hear we had another pickup.  Even more upset when the guy didn't even come out.  We had a circus trying to get the guy's trip cancelled so we could get on to our destination. 

We finally shook them loose, but we would only have 20 minutes to eat.  That's no good.  It would take half that amount of time to cook the food.  The driver got that fixed. 

Ron had a tantrum all the way to the destination, but was happy to find out we still made it there early.  I kept things light by talking to the driver about the cats.  He was actually interested. 

We ate and had plenty of time to do so. 

He picked us up and took us home, and I saw a utility truck out in front of #2.  Glad to see they are taking this "serious".  A little while ago, another utility worker asked for permission to access my backyard.  So some serious damage, it looks like. 

Both utility workers looked completely stressed. 

Ron says we might get some more rain tonight, which will spell a real disaster for the sinkhole. 

This is totally selfish, but thank  God that mess isn't in my yard! 

Biscuit was absolutely terrified by the utility worker.  Poor baby doesn't trust anyone but me and Ron.  I hope we get raptured, or he dies before I do.  He would have a terrible time in a new home, especially one with small kids. 

Torbie slept with me last night, hogging the center of the bed.  She knows I won't move her. 

Here's to hoping I get a better night's sleep tonight. 

Friday, January 20, 2017

"That's very rude"

Well, the boss never responded to Ron's drunk-dialing so I guess he just decided to ignore it. 

Yesterday we went into work.  Someone immediately complained the bottled vendor wasn't working.  The bottled vendor has a "robot" arm that moves across and down, grabbing the drink (if you put in enough money, ha ha), and then dispensing it.  It's pretty complicated.  It's had a lot of repairs recently, I think about $600 total since September. 

But it makes a lot of money, so we want to keep it working.  A soda costs us 49 cents, we sell it for $1.25.  That's a good deal for all of us. 

I got Ron in the building and told him the bad news.  He called our repairman, who said he'd like to trouble shoot over the phone.  He took me deep into multiple layers of programming, to diagnostic test menus and cleared error messages.  Settings I would never dream of altering. 

Finally, though, he suggested the real fix: turn it off, leave it for a little bit, and turn it on again.  It worked perfectly after that.  I'll have to try that next time.  It sure won't hurt anything, and is a lot less scary than the programming modes. 

After that, we got everything stocked and went home.  I took a nap - and I can't remember what I did last night.  I think I just ate something at home and went to bed.  I don't remember. 

Today, though, was hard to forget.  First trip we went to Carl's Junior for breakfast.  I told Ron, if I had to work on my day off, I wanted a Breakfast Burger from Carl's.  It has a bun, ketchup, a layer of tater tots, a meat patty, an egg patty, and a layer of cheese.  It's really good and filling.  Oh, and bacon.  I almost forgot the bacon. 

When we came out to our ride the driver told me Ron would have to ride in the back.  OK.  We're alright with that.  It's better than being crowded in the backseat, 3 across. 

The young man next to me was, ah, mentally limited.  The driver was playing rap music and he was flailing his arms and bouncing in his seat, rapping along with the music.  It was pretty unforgettable, I'm just glad he didn't hit me in the face, waving his hands like that. 

We dropped them (there was another client as well) off at their workshop and headed off to Carl's.  We would be there for an hour. 

Yesterday Ron forgot to bring the sales tax data to work, so we were unable to complete and mail the form.  He was really beating himself up about it. 

Is that related to his drinking?  Probably.  One day, says my Dad, he will hit rock bottom and realize he has a problem.  I remind myself of that, and Dad worked with addicts (as a volunteer) for over 30 years. 

So, we had to work on our day off, which meant he had to be sober for most of it.  We filled out the sales tax form.  I marveled at my neat, precise, handwriting.  It looks so much better before I take my medication.  My typing is a lot better, too. 

We got that done and sealed up.  Then I took the sodas out of "jail" (I didn't want large amounts of "sodawater" anywhere near the only copy of our sales tax form).  My burger arrived, and I ate it.  It was delicious. 

I would have gotten one to eat for dinner but I didn't think it would refrigerate very well. 

It'll just be my special breakfast treat, now and then. 

Ron apparently drunk-ate (is that a thing?) half a burrito last night, so he was pretty full still.  He was really upset when he got home today and found it gone. 

Very rarely I will remind Ron that alcohol is not his friend.  I didn't, today, but I thought it when he complained about eating the burrito with no memory of the act. 

In the meantime, we still had to get to work.  Our ride pulled up, a large van (seats about a dozen).  Two women were already seated on the van.  I recognized them. 

It's a mother and daughter pair.  The daughter has some intellectual limitation, and the mother accompanies her everywhere.  Years ago, the paratransit monthly passes had a 3 digit code.  If you knew the general numerical range, "you" could fake a pass number and ride for free. 

I didn't know the old lady was doing it until, one month, Ron got 388 for his pass number.  She got on one day and said her number was 388.  I told her I'd like to see her pass, because my husband had the same number.  I took out his pass and showed everyone it was a legitimate pass, then I asked to see hers.  She mumbled something about leaving it at home. 

After that, if I knew we were picking her up, I would warn the driver about the phony pass and suggest he ask to see it.  When they did that, she produced a 1-ride ticket instead, still mumbling she had left the pass at home. 

A note here: if the driver doesn't collect the proper fare they are fined. 

Ron finally called the company about this, and they instituted a policy of viewing ALL passes from that point onward.  They even look at Ron's yearly pass, even though they've seen it before, and they check the expiration date too (that's another story). 

So, I didn't like her much. 

That was cemented today when I got on the vehicle.  We recognized each other. 

"Boy, you've gained some weight, haven't you?" 
"That's very rude" I replied - it's the first thing I thought. "Does it make you feel better about your own life?" 

I didn't speak to her for the rest of the trip, happily a short one.  When they left, the daughter made a point of telling me to have a nice day, in a very apologetic tone.  I told her I hoped she had one, too, and I meant it. 

What a horrible old lady. 

After that, we picked up another client, couldn't have been nicer, a very lonely old lady who just talked and talked, wanted to hear about the cats (now that's lonely) and Ron's back surgery.  We had fun talking. 

I like nearly all the other passengers on the service.  It's just the rare client, or driver, making odd comments about my weight. 

Now I was taught you don't talk about someone's weight, unless they have clearly lost some.  That's just my upbringing.  I guess other people think it is appropriate to discuss weight gain. 

It's like I told a lady at work, I have to take crazy pills.  They make me fat.  I'm evil when I'm unmedicated (I certainly can be).  I can be fat and happy, or skinny and evil.  Trust me, you WANT me fat!  And we all had a good laugh. 

Have I committed to a diet and fitness plan?  No.  Not with this depression, I think I do well to keep my weight level, which I have, for years now. 

Most importantly, I wear clothes that fit so I'm not erupting out of my jeans.  When Mom and Dad came to visit, they both made a point of complimenting my (Walmart) jeans.  I think what they really liked was the fit. 

It's very easy to say "this will zip, so it fits" and it doesn't.  I would rather wear something a little loose (I can pull off my jeans without unzipping them), than something a little tight, showing my underwear lines and leaving red marks on my waist. 

We got to work, they were supposed to give us 10 minutes but left us for an hour.  I mailed the sales tax, gossiped a little with a friend (about my ride), and put the bottled Cokes into the fridge.  Ron waited outside.  One of the postal police officers came and talked to him. 

We were outside so long the top of Ron's head started to burn.  We finally had some sun today. 

Eventually, our ride came and we went home. 

Ron started drinking.  I took a nap, got a pretty good one, and woke up with 2 cats in the bed (Torbie and Biscuit). 

I did my God Time (I had a cuddle with Biscuit this morning, instead), and finally took the Claratin (I take the kid's dose) I had forgotten this morning. 

Then of course I had to come and update you on all my antics.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Drunk-dialed

I woke up with a headache today.  I think it was partly the weather front and partly the Big Cups from yesterday. 

I got up, took my shower and did my God Time.  I watched a little TV and tried to go back to bed, I didn't sleep for a while.  I got a pretty good nap when I did fall asleep but I did have to wake up and take some more aspirin. 

I finally got up for good around 3 PM, my head still throbbing.  I ate some leftovers and took my medication, which helped. 

Ron got up and began drinking.  He tries to be "cute" when he's doing it, to prove it's "Harmless and fun".  He called the bank and verified some of our medical bills and cleared, then hung up. 

He started telling me about an old schoolmate.  "Jim" was also blind, and a friend of Ron's.  Ron heard that Jim later went deaf, too. 

The next thing I know, Ron is on the phone to his boss, asking the guy to find this old schoolmate (how?) and tell him Ron wanted to buy (an expensive computer system he undoubtably already has).  I was horrified, and tried to get Ron to hang up, but he wouldn't.  He, in fact, re-recorded the message. 

I am used to Ron drunk-dialing the few friends who will still take his calls (most of them send him to voicemail), but his boss?  He knew Ron had a problem a couple years ago, but I think he assumed Ron got over it. 

This phone call is going to tell a very different story.  I'm embarrassed, and scared.  Work was going pretty well, but the guy is probably going to either 1.  Ignore it or 2.  Come out and do an inspection.

My Dad always says Ron will have to hit "rock bottom" before he admits he has a problem, and confronts it.  Maybe "Problems at work" are a part of that.

Maybe not.  Right now, work is the only thing holding Ron together. 

The cats are doing well on their new diet.  Ron is being good about reducing their treats.  He woke me up in the middle of the night to "keep [Torbie] from stealing Baby Girl's treats"  He was pretty obviously drunk so I helped. 

Torbie cuddled with me during my God Time and Biscuit let me give him a hug.  Baby Girl pretty much ignores me so I returned the favor.  She is Daddy's girl.  Happily she is still think enough that Ron can give her a generous portion of treats now and then. 

I think I'm going to go to bed early.  I'm still a little dizzy. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

A bellyful of Big Cups

I slept in today.  Since I was depressed, I slept in as late as I could, about 9 AM. 

If this is me ON the medication, I would hate to see me OFF it. 

I got up and took my medication, ate my protein bar, and did my shower and God Time.  I watched Supernatural reruns for a while and then went back to bed.  I slept for a couple hours, got up, and ate myself sick on Reese's Big Cups.  I never should have bought that case for Ron. 

I decided, since I was full, to take my medication.  I did that.  I also learned that, yes, I can take my pills with a bellyful of Big Cups. 

Ron has been "better" lately, not as verbally abusive, not as toxic in his attitudes, but still exhausting.  I ask him if his raving makes him feel any better.  He says no.  I ask him why he does it and he says I can't control him. 

I wish he really understood what his negativity does to my overall mood when I'm depressed, or even an average mood.  When I'm manic I don't care. 

He's raving about politics right now.  Like that will do any good. 

At any rate, he's still been "better" but probably "enough" to drive your average person nuts.  Most people laugh at Ron when he starts raving about God being "torture man" "taking too long (to come back", etc. 

Maybe I need to learn to laugh at him, although I don't think it would be well-received. 

He had gone to bed about the same time I did, drunk.  His big goal is to start drinking as soon as possible and go back to bed so he can sleep.  Wake up, start drinking again, back to bed.

I swear, the man has worse depression than I do, but he refuses to see or admit it.  It makes him fairly toxic to me. 

He got up, relatively sober, and decided he wanted to go out to dinner.  I thought he was talking about going out to dinner tomorrow.  We agreed to go to the local taqueria and he called a cab. 

I suddenly realized he meant tonight.  I had to get dressed and get all my stuff together.  I had washed my jeans last night, so I took everything out of the pockets.  I had to put everything back in the pockets and ensure I had everything sorted, don my bra, etc. 

I had been wearing my black cat nightgown, cute for the house but not for dinner out. 

The cab came pretty fast, it was a driver we like.  The restaurant was really quiet, their credit card machine down "Cash only". 

I got a large quesadilla (basically a Mexican grilled cheese), and Ron got the fajita burrito.  We also each got one to go.  I got a large diet Coke and Ron got a beer. 

I'd love to stop him, but I can't.  He didn't finish it, though. 

We ate pretty fast and paid for our dinners.  They came to $24 and change.  Not bad considering we got 4 meals, a large soda, and a beer. 

Ron was all set to leave when I reminded him he hadn't left the tip.  Oops!  We left a good tip and the waitress held the door for us. 

I was really glad we didn't forget the tip, that would be inexcusable.   Ron and I run overly generous when it comes to tipping, and I don't regret that. 

We had a good, fast, ride home.  It is amazing to think what kind of transportation I could have if I were able to drive. 

I hate that, when people tell me I could drive if I wanted to, I just "don't want to drive" etc.  It's like telling Ron he could read a magazine if he just "wanted" to, attacking the victim. 

I try to be stoic but I can get pretty frustrated. 

Anyway, it confirmed my theory, if I ever won a large sum of money, I would hire personal drivers for both myself and Ron.  It would be so nice to make a call, get in the vehicle, and go.  No waiting on a return trip, the driver would wait for me. 

I can dream. 

We put up the leftovers in the fridge, Ron froze his burrito.  It had lettuce in it.  I'm not sure how well it will freeze. 

That's Ron's problem, not mine. 

I fed the cats their canned food when I got home.  I had already given them 1/2 cup of dry food earlier, and they had all eaten some of that.  When I had 1/4 cup in the bowl, they wouldn't eat it, but they ate it when I had a half cup. 

They all took turns eating the wet food, Torbie in particular very interested.  Ron gave them 6 treats each, instead of their usual 30 (!) treats.  I policed them, making sure Torbie didn't steal Baby Girl's treats.  She tried. 

I don't think Ron drank anything before he went back to bed, so he should be pretty reasonable tonight. 

I'm just so tired. 

Ron tells me we may have severe weather tonight so that ought to be interesting. 

Monday, January 16, 2017

Monday

Well, I slept pretty well last night.  I'll take a win when I can get it. 

I hit the snooze button a few times, blaming Torbie all cute and plump (hopefully not for long), in the bed.  I finally got up. 

I was depressed.  My hair looked OK.  I said screw it and didn't take a shower.  I got dressed and ready for work, taking my pills and all that.

We went to work.  We had another pickup, actually past work, in an absolutely terrible neighborhood.  It took us forever to find the house because none of the houses had numbers.  Nothing on the mailboxes, either. 

We finally stumbled across it.  Three cars parked in the driveway.  "If I had 3 drivers living with me" I told the driver "I would NOT be riding paratransit!"  She agreed, but said it's common to pickup someone at a house with several cars parked out front.  I guess they can't be bothered to help.  Ron said maybe the client is just a horrible person and no one wants to help them. 

We honked.  We waited.  The driver asked for a "callout" (just what you think).  Eventually someone came out, dressed in pajamas.  It was 7 AM.  The driver, Ron, and I had all been up for hours. 

"The pickup isn't for another half hour" they whined. 
Actually, it isn't, the driver said.  You have 7 minutes to get the client out here or we are leaving without them. 

About this time, someone inside the house took the callout, and told them to send us away, they would call later for a pickup.  Good luck with that.  That is 1.  Asking for a change (you only get 5 in a month), and 2.  A no-show (only get 5 of those in a month) and bad will with the driver who had to get up at 3 AM and find your sorry butt.  Not to mention Ron and I waiting to go to work to be productive citizens. 

On our approach to the driveway at work, we had a pickup behind us, also wanting to turn into the parking lot.  It didn't want to wait until it was "safe" like our driver did, and we were in the center turn lane.  He drove into the oncoming lane of traffic to make his left turn, happily not causing any accidents, and then parked in a handicapped space.  He did not have handicapped plates, and based on the way he ran into the building, didn't have a disability, either.  He must have been late for work.

We finally got to work and I got Ron inside the building.  We got to work.  Snacks didn't need a whole lot, but I did need to stock peanut butter on cheese crackers.  I find all crackers revolting, but I'm not selling to myself, I'm selling to people who love the damned things, so I sell them. 

I worked on the coffee machine, filling the ground coffee (a nice dark roast) and various powders (French vanilla, creamer, cocoa powder).  That should keep the customers happy for a while. 

I helped Ron stock the bottled vendor, it needed 3 cases of drinks and a whole lot of water.  Ron managed canned sodas by himself.  Pretty soon we were done and we headed out the door. 

Our driver was already there, upset he hadn't been able to get through the gate.  I guess he didn't read the notes on our trip "Please wait in visitor parking".  We left the note for a reason! 

One time one of our drivers backed up a whole line of employees at shift change, trying to get through the gate.  It's a single-file entrance, and he couldn't get through, so about 15 cars backed up behind him.  Someone had to get out of their car, walk up, tell him to go to Visitor Parking, and then back up so the guy could turn around. 

In the meantime, the other employees were furious, and probably ended up late.  A lot of employees come in at the very last minute. 

We got home.  I took a nap.  Someone was trimming a tree with a gas powered chainsaw, I don't know who, I think it was the guy behind us.  Then the #6 kids came out for a rousing play session.  I was tired enough I drowsed through it anyway. 

My medication makes me REALLY tired.  I know it is medication, specifically lithium-related, because it only got really bad when I went up to 4 lithium capsules a day.  But, I need it. 

I got up and took a shower, then did my God time.  I guess I was a little more able to do both now that the antidepressants were firmly on board.  I accidentally shot a stream of water up my nostril during my shower, irrigating my left maxillary sinus cavity.  Oh, that was unpleasant. 

Both Ron and I have been coughing, I think the allergy levels are bad right now in Houston.  We've had very mild weather the last week and that encourages things to release pollen.  The rain also adds to the mold level. 

I need to buy a new air filter for the house.  I forget when I bought the old one but I'm sure it's due for a change.  I have a 16x20x1 inch filter.  Happily they are still available. 

I did most of my God Time and we headed off to Arby's.  Ron didn't want to wait there very long.  Paratransit was going to leave us there for an hour and a half.  So he called a cab to take us, so we'd only have half an hour. 

"A waste of money" the cab driver said.  I agreed, silently. 

We had a good meal.  I love the curly fries. 

Our ride home was supposedly (per the computer) going home after she dropped us.  Ron was very rude when she came.  She was waiting outside.  I waved at her to indicate we were the clients.  Then Ron deliberately took his time finishing his meal because "It wasn't time for the pickup yet, I'm not playing games, and I don't want the driver bossing me around". 

She's just an exhausted woman trying to get our trip over with so she can go home!  Instead of "playing her game" as he saw it, he was playing his own game and I didn't like it. 

What happened to the man who walked a mile to the hospital, with pneumonia, because he didn't want to get a cab driver sick?  I wish I knew. 

After we got home I finished my God time and Ron let the cats play in the garage.  2 of them came in but he knew Biscuit was out there.  I heard him on the phone with Chuck "You have it?  I'll be right out!" 

I realized Chuck had come with Ron's case of vodka, and Ron was about to open the garage door, with Biscuit still inside.  I managed to grab Biscuit in time just as Ron opened the door, using the remote.  He didn't think it through, he had to close the door again, go out in the garage, and then open the door to get the vodka.  He left it in a very inconvenient place.  I asked if I could throw out the old case of vodka and he said no, he still had a partial bottle in there. 

I watched Intervention and cried, knowing I was really crying for myself.  My husband is an alcoholic.  He even admits it, earlier he said "Please get out of the kitchen so the alcoholic can get his vodka" today. 

Well, admitting you have a problem is the first step, I guess, but I still cried as Ron and Chuck gossiped about "Jack" (I wouldn't have told Chuck anything about Jack, but Ron practically gave his home address) out in the garage.  Ron didn't know.  Chuck didn't know.  But I cried. 

I guess that is a healthy step rather than bottling up my emotions. 

Ron's vomiting in a trash can right now.  That's a new development.  He's cursing at God as he does so.  That's not new. 

I learned a couple of interesting things watching Intervention.  Long time readers will remember I submitted Ron to Intervention and they were interested in taking him.  However, events conspired to keep it from happening.  I think the fact that my financial life was totally wrapped up in Ron's business, so I "couldn't" leave him without having another job that could support me, was a factor.  Also, my aunt and uncle were uncomfortable discussing his problems on television. 

Anyway, I never blamed the program.  One counselor said "Addicts get very uncomfortable when people around them start getting better".  I just wrote about that! 

Another is extremely personal and treads on things Ron confided.  I can't share that without his permission, and he'd never give it.  But it gave me a little insight. 

All the stories on the program are so sad, it really is awful when someone refuses the help, even sadder when someone gets clean only to relapse. 

The cats are adjusting well to their new diet.  Torbie was begging for food earlier and I put her up next to her 1/4c portion, and part of the canned food.  She opted for the canned food.  Good.  The vet wants her eating wet food anyway. 

I have plenty of wet food and disposable foam plates.  I put the food on the plate and then throw away the leftovers when I give them their next portion.  Although I'm guessing, now, we won't have as many leftovers. 

I just want my cats healthy.  I think that's reasonable. 

Ron gave me tomorrow off because it's supposed to rain.  He hates rain.  It rained a little this morning, and then it was cloudy and even partly sunny for the rest of the day. 

I'm thinking if tomorrow goes like today, I'll go out on the bus.  But we'll see. 

I did all my "had-to's" last night but I still need to do my bank reconciliation.  Ron wants me to buy him some new headphones from Amazon.  He's pretty hard on his toys. 

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Two days in one, again

Yesterday wiped me out.  I got up, did my morning routine, and headed off to the warehouse with Ron. 

We were meeting "Jack" (not his real name), who's helped us a few times.  This time, though, we had a lot of merchandise.  I wondered how we would fit it all in his old pickup. 

He showed up in his newer pickup, it had a good truck bed and a "lid" to cover the merchandise.  We had some overflow, but he put it in the backseat, along with Ron and his wheelchair. 

We got to work and unloaded.  I got everything in the building.  I stocked everything, including the coffee machine. 

Then we paid all the medical bills, about $2K.  On the one hand, ouch.  That's pretty painful.  That ran more than our property tax this year, or, looking at it another way, is equivalent to our regular homeowners insurance, PLUS flood insurance for a year's coverage. 

On the other hand, rehab alone cost $33K.  I needed Ron in rehab so I could run the business.  Ron needed rehab so he could learn to walk again.  So, I guess at the end of it, it was a "bargain". 

Still... and it took forever to write out the checks, return address labels, stamps, writing the patient account numbers (all of them different) on the checks.  I did it, though.  Then I wrote the check number, date and amount paid on all the original bills so we can reference them in case of any problems. 

Happily, no one "bothered" me while I did it.  They respected the fact I was working, in a different way.  Not to mention all those stamps applied pay their salaries. 

I found it interesting, Ron received all his care in Houston, but most of the billing went to Dallas.  I guess Dallas is big on medical billing for Houston doctors and organizations. 

I dropped them all off at the mailbox and went back to Ron, helped him out until we left. 

I came home, pretty tired after all the physical and mental focus.  Ron had scheduled enough time for me to get a nap. 

I took it.  I forget if it was a good quality but I got some rest.  Ron wanted to go to the BBQ place and get a rack of ribs. 

We did that.  I got a hamburger, which was very good and comprised of angus beef.  It was very filling and a half pound. 

We came home pretty late (our ride home got caught up in traffic) and went to bed.  I slept pretty well and got up at 6.  Well, I set my alarm for 6 but I ended up getting up at 7.  I took my shower and got dressed, we were going to the pet store. 

Ron was almost out of cat treats.  Walmart hasn't had the big ones for a while.  The big, one pound, canisters are his favorite. 

The cats go through a lot of treats. 

Baby Girl could also use a new scratching post.  She has one wrapped in sisal with a rope topper, and she loves it.  She's tearing it to pieces, but it's taken a couple years and she's been having a good time with it. 

We went, we rode with another couple on the way.  We picked them up at a very "posh" subdivision, where the homes start at probably 3 x what my house is worth.  I'm fine with that.  The homeowner's association is probably "up in all their business" every minute of the day and night.  I prefer a little laxity. 

The woman was just horrible, yelling at the man, yelling at the driver, just very rude overall.  The man was rather odd.  We chatted for a little while and then he asked me if I was happy. 

That's not a question you ask a stranger.  I told him I was "as happy as I could be" which I thought was a diplomatic way of saying "Battling a horrific depression right now".  If devotion to God eliminated mental illness, I'd be cured.  I'm not perfect but I'm committed.  I didn't say that. 

Ron, of all people, said we had a church, and named it.  I was shocked.  The man invited us to his church again, apparently it is a "foursquare" church, whatever that is.  We politely declined and Ron got the man talking about BBQ. 

We finally got dropped at the Starbucks next to the pet store.  I got a kolache, pushing Ron in the wheelchair, and then we went to the coffeeshop.  Ron got a mocha (they messed it up, it was supposed to be cold but they made it hot instead). 

I headed out to the store.  I didn't find any good scratching posts in our budget, and will look on Amazon instead.  I did find the cat treats, and bought a bag of cat food because we always need that. 

I also bought a corrugated scratcher.  It was basically a cardboard box with holes in it, designed for scratching.  I don't know if the cats will like it, they did rub up against it and ate the treats I put inside. 

The adoption cats were all precious, and had truly tragic stories.  I wanted to take them all home. 

I walked back to the coffee shop, carrying the scratcher, bag of food, and a bag of cat treats. I made it. 

Our ride finally showed to go home.  It was an immigrant driver.  I don't mind them but some of them have atrocious English.  This guy could barely understand "left" and "right".  I understand it is hard to learn another language but maybe practice speaking it at home, too.  We had a lady wearing purple satin in the back seat next to Ron.  I guess she was going to or from church. 

We got home and I set up the corrugated thing, the cats were mildly interested.  Maybe it will grow on them, or maybe I'll give it to "the cat guy" at work who has 3 cats. 

I do know I need to buy a new scratching post, although Baby Girl seems pretty happy with the old one. 

I took a nap.  I slept pretty well, take it when I can, and #6 woke me up playing outside in the yard.  I decided to do my God Time, which I'd missed this morning.  I did that, and Torbie joined me.  I noticed her "nethers" weren't exactly "fresh". 

They need to go on a diet, all of them. 

I still loved on Torbie, though. 

When Ron got up I told him we need to put the cats on a diet and explained why.  Ron said he wouldn't be able to do that.  They would beg and he would cave into their demands.  I would have to be the food administrator. 

I told him I'd do that once they ate up the current food they have in their bowl.  They might as well enjoy it.  Then it's 1/2 cup a day, plus treats.  I think that is pretty generous.  Biscuit will also get his canned food twice a day. 

I don't necessarily want to get them skinny, just at a healthier weight where they can groom themselves properly.  Torbie could develop joint issues carrying the weight, and I don't want that.  She already takes a lot of time stretching before she gets up or jumps onto anything. 

Ron said I was a hypocrite, because I'm not going on a diet.  I told him I can still clean my butt.  He said I am making excuses that I have to take my pills with food.  If he could see, I would show him the labels in the medication.  He also fails to understand the medication messes with my metabolism. 

At any rate, he accepts they need to be on a diet.  I am sure he will forget that when he is drunk but I can only do what I can do.  I'm just hoping to reduce their overall intake, which, I think, is the best way anyway. 

He also said the toilet sounded funny when he flushed it, and asked me to pour some drain cleaner down the bathroom drain.  I did that, locking the door so Biscuit can't get into the lye.  The last time I put drain cleaner in the kitchen sink, Biscuit shoved his head in the drain.  He's very curious, too much so. 

I need to reconcile my bank accounts and then buy Ron something on Amazon.  He also said he needed vitamins.  He put some money in my account so I can do that. 

I also need to make some dinner, take my pills, and then do up my pills for next week. 

So much for a day "off"!