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Showing posts from July, 2014

That which doesn't kill me...

I almost died 3 times. 

Twice I began choking and had to be saved.  Once by my adoptive/step mother.  Whatever you want to say... 

Another time I choked on a round lime green candy from the candy dish at church.  It was a ball, about an inch in diameter.  Lime flavored.  A guy gave me the Hiemlech. 

I don't like lime flavored things anymore.  I remember the taste of the candy in my mouth as I tried to breathe (it completely cut off my airway). 

The third time I had an allergic reaction to my antidepressant.  I passed out, throat swelled up (but didn't close) and I developed a serious case of hives.

I'm not counting suicidal depressions, which are many.  I'm not counting near-miss traffic accidents, which are many. 

I am at huge risk for heart disease due to obesity, family history, and psychiatric medication. 

Those are the things that will kill me. 

I don't worry about Ebola.  I don't worry about "superbugs coming over the border with all the ille…

I don't know these roads!

This morning found me sitting on a toilet in a nasty public restroom, looking askance at a used rubber glove lying on the floor, and wondering just who had used it for what purpose. 

It was just that kind of morning.  Our first driver seemed OK at first, but an hour later we were driving around in circles as she exclaimed "I don't know these roads!  I don't know these freeways!"  Why, did you get a job as a cab driver if you don't know the roads and can't figure out the GPS? 

Oh, yeah.  Four thousand a month.  You thought you could fake it, but you can't, and now we're all (3 other clients besides us, on board) running very late. 

I very calmly told Ron he might want to call and reschedule our pickup "Because I don't think we'll get there when they said we would."  The driver blew up and started going on again about not knowing the roads, she was sorry (in a very nasty voice), etc. 

I could have said a lot, but didn't.  I kne…

The internet is infalliable

I got up at 4.  "Washed" my hair with conditioner again because I'm not "supposed" to shampoo it for 24 hours after a henna treatment.  Or so I read online and we all know the internet is infalliable. 

I did my God Time.  Good thing because I was wiped out when we got home. 

I did a lot of research before I started using henna on my hair.  Many of the hair websites, especially the longer hair/lets-use-henna sites are all about identifying your hair "type". 

Uh.  Long.  Wavy.  Oily.  Brown. 

They had codes that are more complicated than my wholesale vending supply catalog.  I decided I wouldn't benefit from participating in the communities and moved on. 

So, tomorrow morning, I will be using my shampoo.  Then I will condition my hair, put it up in my hair clip, and finish my shower.  Then I rinse out my hair and then wash my face (I have a problem getting conditioner on my face, which made me get a pimple for the first time in ages). 

We went…

Heather's day off

Yesterday, did I do a blog? 

I got up early, went in, stocked, inventory.  We needed cinnamon rolls, cheese danish, snickers, and a candy bar assortment. 

We went to the warehouse, and I bought it all.  One thing I hated: Ron was so cheap about buying snack inventory. 

Food machine?  Grudgingly.  Sodas?  You bet, the #1 priority.  Snacks?  Forget it.  I had to beg to get even minimal inventory to front the machines. 

However, last year Ron made a turnaround.  He grumbles, but he does "let" me get the snack inventory.  As a result, snacks have surged to first place in sales. 

We went back to work, I stocked, and helped Ron stock. 

When I ran by the credit union, they told me they aren't allowed access to the vending machines anymore. 

I told them I could call occasionally and deliver snacks.  They loved it. 

We went home. 

We had a driver who upset me some.  He wanted to hear about the accident, and then basically said we were too stupid to get a good settlement.…

Pink Handout

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Some of the recipients saw me singing along with "Gimme Dat" and dancing on the corner as I waved the Free Bibles sign. 

I wore pink today.  Someone sent me a pink safety vest, and I had a hot pink sign.  I took them both. 

I had a case with a little over 60 Bibles.  I had a feeling it would be a *better* day. 

I was right. 

For one, we had a great ride.  The driver was wonderful and enjoyed eating his ice cream as he drove. 

He also took Antoine.  I have been wanting a "new" spot in Acres Homes.  Gulf Bank @ Antoine was suggested, but I saw for myself it was a horrible median.  Victory, or West Tidwell, are much better.  I always hear of people getting shot over by Tidwell. 

When the driver realized my plan, he slowed down so I could investigate each option.  Once I saw Tidwell, though, I was very happy. 

We got out and I got Ron locked and loaded.  I had a little trouble pushing him - I kept bumping into jagged parts of the sidewalk.  The impacts nearly ca…

Your tongue

The #19 party machine has started up again. 

I asked Ron to call the police.  He was on the phone, chattering. 

I would have hung up, called the police, and then called my friend back.  Once the people get started it is impossible to think, and very loud. 

The music has the loud Mexican "polka" beat. 

Ron, after he hung up, said "Oh, I thought it was your music".  Did you LISTEN?  Have I ever listened to that stuff?  Do I ever play my music that loud? 

He's been drinking.  Ron drinks every day "After 12".  He has varying degrees of sobriety from that point onward. 

If he calls the police he always thinks it's "cute" to say "Come out and make him stop or I'll have to kill him".  Or "I'm going to commit a crime if you don't...." 

I don't think it's ever a good idea to make threats, to the police, on the record.  You know?  Just not bright. 

But when he's drinking he thinks it's "…

Climbing out of the hole

[Gibbering]  It's been a rough couple days. 

Battling depression, for one. 

Two days ago, not a bad start: I got to sleep in and watch a couple episodes of Supernatural, after my shower and God Time. 

Then it all went to hell. 

Guy-with-a-truck-take-one.  NO COKES.  A vending business.  In Texas.  In the Summer.  And they don't have a single can of Coke on the premesis? 

I did buy snack items, and the OTHER drinks we needed.  I had already cleared off shelving (I have 2 shelving racks in my corner of the stockroom), so I'd have an easier time putting the drinks away.  We ended up buying about 15 cases of drinks, in addition to my snacks. 

We went in and worked third shift, putting things away.  Not a bad day overall.  Except for no Cokes. 

I like working third shift.  Ron and I agree we'll do it more often.  It's the afternoon/evening shift. 

I didn't sleep well.  I forget why. 

Woke up yesterday, a different guy-with-a-truck.  Got the Cokes.  The nice…

Hater's Puppet

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Haters want to start race wars. 

I'm not playing. 

A good example, I was "aggravated" by two different latino neighbors this week.  Do I hate latinos?  No.  I think the particular individuals were immature.  That's a big difference from hating all of them. 

You know what?  I totally understand why they risk everything to get here. 


This is what they can expect in Mexico, and how many make a living.  Garbage picking. 
If they're lucky, they might live here, These are HOMES, with several per household: NO utilities, running water, ameneties.  They throw their slop buckets full of human waste down the hill.  The slums reek of rotting sewage. 

I've been there, on mission trips.  Horrific. 

Contrast that home above to this "Section 8 Housing" project in America.  This is considered a "bad" one.  The caption on this photo refers to this as "one" of the playgrounds in the complex.  Notice the satellite TV dish? 


Where would you…

Mount Brushmore

I slept pretty well.  I heard someone playing music, but it was down pretty low and I slept so I don't mind. 

I waited until an appropriate moment and talked to Ron about the mountain of tree trimmings in front of our house.  We have a pile, about 4 feet high, 3 feet deep, and 20 feet long. 

Ron decided to call the landlady.  "Oh, I told him to trim the tree" she replied blithely "Heavy trash will take them tomorrow."  Ron suggested she come by and look, because this is even worse than last month's pile, which we were quoted $50 on removal. 

"I'm not paying" Ron told her grimly "For this one."

She mentioned, again (said this last year too) they are trying to "get rid of" the tenants.  They came in fall, 2010.  She's had them for 4 years.  She must not hate them that much. 

We emphasized, overall, he's not a bad guy.  This is our only complaint.  Had I been on the phone I would have played up the "wheelchair…

Someone's at the door

I've had worse days, I remind myself. 

However, the last 36 hours have been pretty awful. 

Ron, tired of arriving "early" at church, decided to "fix the pickup", without telling me.  That resulted in a very late pickup and a tentative drop off half an hour after church start.  Ron was very upset and agitated. 

I had to deal with that on top of my own disappointment.  I don't think I ask for much, and didn't think it was that big a deal, arriving half an hour early.  I like to "visit". 

Ron made some phone calls and got very upset at the driver.  We ended up getting there 10 minutes before service.  He apologized but the driver wasn't happy.  And that, my friends, is why "church ladies" have such an awful reputation on the service. 

On the way home from church, the driver's computer broke.  The computer has a list of trips and information about each.  It also has GPS for each trip.  He has to "arrive" and "…

I never abused anything

I think I'd have an easier time writing this post about my sex life. 

I have always, always, sought my Dad's approval, and to a lesser extent, that of my adoptive Mom/Stepmother.  If you know about my upbringing you may find that pathetic, or infuriating. 

I do. 

Dad's always had the "conventional" view of success: good grades, good college, good job, good spouse, good family. 

I'm a high-school dropout, a couple years of part time community college, no degree or certificate.  I'm self employed and making a very modest income.  I can't even drive.  I'm dependent on public transit.  I have post-traumatic stress, brain damage, and a couple different flavors of "crazy". 

In some ways, I did make the grade.  I bought a nice little house without asking him for money.  We've kept it for over 10 years during a horrific recession.  We have our own business.  I do evangelism.  I take my medication as directed, "very stable" per…

The person I needed

A cab driver was badly hurt this week, and lost one or both of his legs. 

I empathized, and sent a care package with some comforting items to him, care of the cab company. 

I don't think it's a big deal.  I always vowed I would be the person I needed when my life went to hell, the shoulder to cry on, the comforting hug, etc. 

When I know someone's hurting, I'll do what I can to help.  Especially if the Holy Spirit is working. 

Now, I knew it might be a little baffling to the cab company, so I put my phone number on the return address label, in case they had a question.  However, I had gotten someone to agree to pass it along. 

I wasn't surprised when my phone rang this evening.  I was surprised to hear the Operations Manager of the company on the line. 

More to to find out that he and "the entire staff down here" were "very touched to get your package today".  He mentioned he thought he found me on Facebook.  I mentioned the Free Bibles si…

With a migraine

I woke up with a migraine at 3 AM.  I crawled out of bed, disentangling from Torbie cat, and took two Excedrin, washed down with half a bottle of Diet Mountain Dew. 

I've battled it all day. 

I am happy, every day I have done my God Time, worked, and taken my meds; in spite of these awful headaches. 

It's Day 4. 

We went to work, I stocked a little.  I'm out of (sour gummy) worms.  I need more chips, too.  We took the money out of the machines and I counted it, then we went to the bank.

While at work, I called Yellow cab twice, until I got ahold of someone in management.  I got permission to mail the box, which they will forward to the injured driver.  Good.  He even double checked the address. 

After the bank, we went to the mall, and I told Ron "There isn't a thing here, I'd buy."  No modest clothing (and I'm not a prude), I'm not into jewelry, and I get my vitamins from Swanson.  I did get a hamburger from the food court. 

We came home an…

Bulletproof vest

I just deleted a spam.  A woman claimed a "prophet" brought back her husband after he left. 

Let me get this straight.  Assuming the guy had the power to bring someone back, why would you want him?  He's a cheat who doesn't want to live with you. 

Good riddance, I'd say.  I'd put my faith in the Lord, who's completely reliable. 

I woke up at 3 AM with *another* migraine.  I finally tracked the source; Sam's Club blueberry muffins. 

Thanks a lot. 

We went to Walmart at 5 AM.  It was lovely.  I would have liked a little more time but we had work today. 

I bought some treats, if I ever get the go-ahead to mail that goody box.  I would have loved to add some chocolate, but not in this heat! 

I haven't heard back from the cab company.  I may do some independent digging. 

I felt pretty awful with the migraine, but I got everything on the list except Bibles.  They only had one Spanish Bible. I took it. 

I got the treats, some stuff for Ron, and …

Cologne man

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I battled the migraine, and insomnia, all night long, well knowing I had to get up at 2 AM. 

Torbie came to bed around 10 and I fell asleep almost instantly.  I've written about this before: for me, a cat in the bed ensures swift, excellent sleep. 



I hated to get up, but the migraine was lurking.  I took a shower and did my God Time, my faithful Torbie at my side. 

She jumps up on the couch when I sit down.  I give her the glucosamine treats (2).  I do my prayer and Bible study.  I probably give her a few standard treats along the way, along with plenty of petting.  She lays against my leg, purring. 

It's wonderful. 

If she's not there, for whatever reason, I proceed without her. 

I finished and took a hard look at my antidepressants.  I knew if I took them, they'd escalate my migraine and probably kick me into vomiting into a bucket. 

The customers do not want to see me vomiting into a bucket, and I'd rather avoid it anyway. 

We went to work.  It was a goo…

"You're going to think I'm crazy, and that's OK"

Today, I believe I encountered some of the nastiest judgement while doing the Handout - from people dressed for, and going to, church. 

I have had a vicious, nasty, migraine going on over a day now. 

I still got up, took my shower, did my God Time, did the Handout, and went to church after. 

I brought about 50 Bibles, including 5 Spanish, in my folding crate, along with the signs and all. 

Ron was very upset.  Instead of an 8:30 arrival, we were scheduled to arrive at 9:30.  Church starts at 10. 

I have seen God "fix" enough "bad rides" to have faith He could do the same this time, which He did.  One of the clients we were scheduled to pick up, never came out.  The pickup, and drop off, were cancelled and we got to the handout spot before 9. 

"I told you." I said smugly as I pushed him to our spot, an absolutely lovely median.  I set up and began walking the median, displaying the sign. 

I realized I'd need to change my approach.  NW Houston do…

God will always come first

Ron drinks pretty much every night.  Enough that he gets pretty loose. 

That can go one of two directions. "I love you so much even though you're broken and crazy and no other man wants you". 

I know he's telling himself that.  Not me.  It's very hard not to receive it, especially considering I have had verbal abuse my entire life.  I went right out from one situation into another. 

Or he runs into overt verbal abuse.

I asked him once not to make personal attacks about my illness - don't bring it up during fights and use it to beat me.  He does it anyway.  "Did you take your meds today?" in a biting tone of voice "Maybe you need another one!"  He also threatens to "tell my doctor" that I'm "acting crazy" when I probably just said "I can't help you for a couple minutes because I'm going to the bathroom." 

He has a very bad habit of repeating the pickup time several times, at me.  "Pickup a…

Why are you doing this?

Ron and I just had a rather tiresome discussion about the Bible Handouts. 

I reminded him I wanted to start at 8.  He disagreed.  I said, fine, I'll take the bus. 

[I love having that independence.  I will never, ever, live off a bus line no matter who I marry.  If I'm off the bus then the man has total control.  Not my thing at all.] 

So it's that important to you. 

Yes. 

Why? 

Because I want to share Jesus....

No, you want to look good. 

[I laughed]  You have no idea how I look.  I look like I went off my meds, like a maniac, doing this.  I'm doing this to share Jesus. 

You want to impress people and have them talk about you're so holy. 

No.  I don't care what people say.  I'm sure most of them think I'm a lunatic.  I'm OK with that. 

Then why are you doing this? 

Because there are people, out there, hurting, right now, who need Him.  I want to make an introduction.  I have had a lot of pain in my life, and it's hard enough with Je…

Absolutely nothing

"May I help you?" the store clerk asked politely. 

"I need some crack". 

"Oh, that's right over here, ma'am."  He indicated the proper aisle.  "What are you looking for?" 

"Catnip" I told him.  I measured a large bag with my hands "In the 'enabler' size." 

He started laughing. 

Thursday night: I "need" to get to sleep around 6.  I couldn't.  I finally began dropping off around 8.  Then #2 began weed-whacking, and did his whole yard between 8-10 PM. 

I had to get up at 1:30.  I hit the snooze, twice, and decided my hair was OK.  I did a quick wash at the sink and did my God Time. 

I think a lot of my faith, if you see it as a good or strong thing, is based on simple choices like that. 

We went to work.  We got the delivery.  Dozens of cases.  Most of them strewn on the floor of the truck due to a bad packing job.  Amazingly, all my merchandise was fine. 

The other vendor has 3 "employ…

I hate to miss and opportunity

Yesterday found me in front of an open snack machine, looking down at a box of chips, infuriated. 

Frito-Lay sent me a case of air-bags.  I'd be shocked if they had 3 chips apiece. 

I cannot and will not sell that crap to my customers.  I'd rather have an empty machine than rob them thus.  I am returning them. 

I stocked what I could, but resolved it would be a cold day in hell before I'd buy another case of Ruffles Original, or Lay's BBQ.  I hope Frito Lay does read this. 

A vendor needs quality product in order to have happy, repeat, customers.  If the customer feels cheated they won't come back. 

We'd gotten up early, did my God Time, and went to the warehouse.  I needed a lot of pastry, which I bought.  Ron needed water (out of stock) and Mountain Dew (we got 2). 

I taggled a box and a half of pastry before I realized, in horror, I was tagging them out of code in 3 days.  I had to take off all the labels. 

My hands have never been what I'd consid…