Abusive comments will be deleted. Malicious comments or gossip seeking ones about Ron will be deleted. His underwear is his business, it matters not if it is disposable.
That said I am battling a horrible depression today. I didn't sleep well due to Cleo hogging the bed, but who can say no to that sweet face?
She is just sneezing, nothing else, and has a very good appetite. She is acting normal, so I'm not worried about her.
But I didn't sleep well because she hogs the cot. I got ready, got Ron ready, we went to Walmart. He wanted to wait by the bathroom/customer service as it was "warmer".
I did my shopping and got everything done except the lavender paint chips. "Summer Haze Light" is the leading contender for cream right now.
I got soup for cats because Cleo particularly enjoyed that, this morning, and I put probiotics in there which can only help her recover and help the other cats stay healthy.
I found some carpet cleaner, to clean the carpet, which wasn't helped by the 2 spray cleansers I was left with after the great purge. It did help.
I also got some more bleach, bleach is a good thing to have around here.
I didn't get much food as I had a lot. I was battling a pretty horrific nausea as well. But I got a little.
I got some deli plate lunches for us.
I paid and found Ron, we had a little time to wait. He was bitter and resentful about waiting, about the entire trip. That sucked.
Our driver came and we went home, I took him to his bedroom and he sat in his wheelchair while I put everything away.
I am sure he eventually got himself to bed but he didn't ask for help doing it.
I ate about half my lunch, which later provoked a migraine. It was good up to that point. I took my pills, laid down for a nap with an adorable and precious Cleo.
She loves to sleep with me, I find it so sweet and endearing. We had a pretty good nap except for the headache. I got up and smoked something, that helped. It also made me hungry. LOL But I didn't snack because that is just chemicals and not real hunger. It did wonders for my headache, taking it in about 10 seconds. That is unbeatable, even Imitrex couldn't do that.
We have to get up early but I already took out the trash, etc. It was pouring earlier but is now very dry and sunny. Well, sun's getting ready to set, sunny. Ron is quiet, sleeping or something. I will need to get up at 2:30 tomorrow but I will be done early as well, I'd rather that, and I detest sitting in rush hour traffic. So nice to skip all that and travel "off peak" to quote the bus company.
I didn't get the bigger cot because that is only 7 inches and that didn't seem to be a meaningful difference for me. I am going to spend 12 hours in bed when I get my bed back.
Ron just said he didn't want to eat because no food means he won't have a bowel movement. It doesn't work like that.
I did buy some remedies for my athlete's foot, and have been putting baking soda in my work boots. Cleo likes to play with my boots and I don't want her around anything toxic, so I am just doing the baking soda. And they don't smell so it's doing that at least.
I also got some apple cider vinegar (the clear kind) to apply with a cotton pad, to the affected area. I will clear it up. Oh, that reminds me I was going to do a load of towels.
And that is pretty much my day.
29 comments:
Talking about fecal and urinary incontinence is not abusive. You need to be aware of what can happen as his dementia gets worse and know there are options to contain the mess. As for gossip you are the one who repeatedly posts about how he sleeps naked. Doesn't bathe or brush his teeth. Etc.
“Abusive comments” = comments that hit close to the truth
(Ps no one has told you to take Imitrex)
It's gossip to say he likes to be naked? I once opened the door to Ron's boss, naked, because I thought Ron had locked himself out. Talk about embarrassing.
Recent events have pretty much cured me of my nudity habit.
I am aware what might happen but I know for a fact Ron would not want me saying where he is on the scale.
And he got a bath just last night.
You are the one who talks about him having wet brain from the drinking. And you have no idea where he is on the scale because he refuses to get evaluated by a doctor. Based on the video you made and then deleted it is pretty obvious where he is on the scale and it is not good. Now you have bathroom issues which may start to be more frequent for him. He has been urinating on the floor (this is only mentioned because you posted it and told everyone about that already). And one could consider your talking about him always being naked as gossip. Why would he want you to tell the world that he is constantly naked, never cleans himself but the dementia scale is off limits? It makes no sense at all.
Oh, Imitrex worked great back in the day BUT huge risk factors for me even before you get to the lithium.
And, like decongestants, a NO GO for me.
I am going a legal, affordable route that works well for me, I am satisfied. I keep singing my index finger but other than that it is an easy process.
My plan for the long term is get an occasional helper, scale that up as needed (Medicare ought to cover and by the time he needs Medicaid we will be out of the business and qualify), then when he cannot stay at home any more off to the nursing home.
Ron has expressed some concern he is nearing the point where I will dump him, but I seem to have what I need (mentally and heart wise) for now. And when he is placed I imagine it is giong to take a while to get it all lined up. There is a place not terribly far, where his parents stayed, has a 4 star review on Google, on a bus line so I could visit, WHEN it happens but he could stay home for years. It is all up to him, how motivated is he to stay active, etc.
He had to have a bath because he had diarrhea. Which you said in your comments. Plus now you had to buy supplies today to clean up the mess he left from yesterday which is another thing you just posted today.
"Ron has expressed some concern he is nearing the point where I will dump him, but I seem to have what I need (mentally and heart wise) for now."
Really he gives you everything you need mentally and heart wise. What a joke. The man has no sense of anything and doesn't consider his constant drinking, wasting money on drinking and abuse to be grounds for you to leave him. Not to mention his decline is caused by the drinking and his refusal to do anything but lay in bed all day.
"It is all up to him, how motivated is he to stay active, etc." Are you hallucinating? He is not active now. He is the very definition of inactivity. He does nothing all day long. He goes into work 1 to 2 days a week and that's it. He doesn't have years left.
Ron doesn't give me what I need, God does. Ron doesn't give enough, emotionally, to feed a gnat.
The really sad thing if he could cut his drinking in half or stop it altogether he could avoid the nursing home for another 10 years or so. And what's the first thing a nursing home is going to do? Take him off the alcohol. And he will improve dramatically when that happens but it will be too late, and I need to emphasize this with him. Because I am not taking him back.
I am hoping the mess mess carpet remover works on the urine stains on the carpet, and the small which is pretty bad. He is continent just spilling the urinal or failing to line up, when drunk.
"Abusive comments = comments that hit close to the truth."
I totally agree and she can't handle the truth!
You are welcome to your version of the truth but there were some very unkind things in my comments box that I deleted. That is not necessary.
I have no problem with being called codependent... because I am. It is the way it is said I find offensive.
Saying Ron and I are too entwined vs saying I am denying him assistance so I can control him. Etc. As if anyone can control Ron. LOL
Those are my issues.
No one knows where Ron is on any scale because he has not been properly evaluated. He needs help, and there are plenty of organizations able to help.
I don't think you are denying Ron care so you can control him. But I do think you are denying him care out of fear. The fear is completely understandable, but that does not justify denying him care. His needs are so far beyond what you can manage on your own. He really does need a team. Please reach out for help for him.
He doesn't want a team. He wants deliveries of vodka, TV dinners, and his cat.
What he or you want is not the question, it's what you both NEED that you are denying.
As far as I know we both still live in America, and our desires are paramount.
What about his depression? Which he admitted to on video?
He has refused help for that. As you also saw. Both Ron and I are incredibly stubborn and he has, I think, some of that old school stigma going with depression. Even though I have been vastly helped by my treatment. It's "not for him" he feels.
Your video showed you talking over him as he tried to tell you about his feelings, how his depression has never been this bad. He has been talking about going to a nursing home, retiring, getting so bad you will dump him. He is trying to plan for his future and talk about his feelings in the only way he can articulate it, and you are not listening.
He needs help from objective professionals who can talk to him, listen to him, and discuss his real options with him. People who will actually pursue a diagnosis for his cognitive decline instead of guessing and procrastinating.
Do you even see him as a person worthy of care? I am completely serious. He has abused you for years. I do wonder if you have dehumanized him a bit. It's certainly a complicated dynamic, and I do pray for both of you.
The bear stays.
Your life - you have to live it the best you know how and what works for you. However, some of the stuff you put on this blog is very personal (again, your choice) but while I agree that comments should not become abusive, you have to expect that people are going to have some pretty strong reactions to some of the stuff you post.
The problem, I see, with Ron he gets dramatic. He was feeling dramatic the day I made the video. Today he is counting money in his bedroom and totally happy with his life. He varies. One day life is great the next it is awful. He is not extreme enough for me to see him as bipolar but he is a narcissist and everything is capital letters for them. He plays the victim when he has messed up and I am angry with him, which he did the day of the video.
I don't mind opinions but the way they are expressed is an issue, it is no better than Ron at his worst and if I won't tolerate that from him I won't take it from a random "Anonymous" on my blog.
The person who gifted me the bear is a reader that is why I am censoring some of those comments.
I actually laughed out loud thinking about anyone reading this blog commenting negatively about the bear. The bear is not the problem here.
I love the bear, proudly floating awkwardly atop his little stand while the cats use him as a couch.
#teambearforever
Where is your stuff stored? Ya know it's not being held hostage, you can get what ever you need, get your bed.
They have to do a lot of work in the bedroom so better to leave the bed for now. I do know where it is.
Oh, you wouldn't believe some of the bear comments, but he adds a serene note.
There won't be anything else in your room, and workers are used to moving stuff around. Silly not to have your bed.
Why not post them ? I have a suspicion that it’s just one commenter making bear comments and you are butthurt about it.
I mean I honestly can’t imagine how comments about your stuffed bear can be offensive enough not to post
Comments disparaging the bear, a gift, and the giver reads the blog. I don't have to allow that to post, I am Empress. :p I think they are just envious they don't have a bear in their living room.
Disparaging the bear? I think you’re lying now.
Very nasty comments about the bear. I can share "get rid of it" as a primary theme.
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