Showing posts from August, 2016

Let the store, store it.

Big news first, Ron is having his operation on September 7. 


This morning I got up a little late, 7:37 by my alarm (I had set my alarm for 7 but forgot to turn it on), took my shower, did my God Time. 

I started cleaning out the laundry room.  I have a lot of crap in there and I need to sort out the good stuff so I can keep it.  That means, tossing all the bad stuff. 

I have tried to save old stained clothes for rags, but it's just not practical.  What works a lot better for me, just buying rags when I need them.  Let the store, store it. 

We went to Walmart.  I got everything on my list (some daily-type pads for when I am spotting, stuff like that), but totally forgot to get cottage cheese and yogurt.  I did remember to get some candy for the installers tomorrow. 

They're coming in mid-afternoon, so we'll see how that goes.  I am a little worried they might reverse the hoses when they hook up the washer, I plan to ask them to make sure so I don't have any…

"I don't see why they made you come in"

We had a tiring day. 

Our first driver was late.  He had a fresh cup of coffee and a half-eaten pastry in his console, so I had a pretty good guess what took him to long.  [sigh]  I didn't say anything to him, or Ron (just you). 

We had to go downtown.  It isn't a long ride if you take the freeway.  Houston's laid out like a spiderweb, with freeways going out in "spokes" from the center, surrounded by two circular freeways, 610 and the Beltway.  It's a pretty good system and we traveled late enough that we didn't really encounter any traffic. 

We got in, checked in, and sat down.  We waited with a couple of legally blind guys, another guy in a wheelchair, a very old man on a walker, and a guy with a cane.  They called names, we were almost last.  The very old man told us some war stories about WW2.  A young black man was very impressed he had served, and made a point of coming over and thanking him. 

I put $20 on my bus card.  I am good for almost a h…

All I ever needed was a ride to Walmart

We had a quiet night.  I just had weird dreams about the new washer. 

Apparently you can only buy the "new" kind.  I just hope it does the job for me. 

Facebook has become a bizarre place for me, full of images of Ron's Dad.  I am FB friends with one of Ron's cousins, and a nephew.  They are both putting up a lot of images which end up in my feed, especially as they have so many comments and "likes".  Strange.  I haven't seen the man in years, and now he's everywhere. 

From a salvation standpoint, I just don't know.  He certainly had fruits of the spirit.  But he never told me "Jesus is my savior" so who knows.  I am assuming he is in Heaven.  I am certainly talking that way to Ron, who has talked a little. 

I reminded Ron how much his Dad liked our cats, and Ron said he would enjoy all the ones we had in Heaven.  That was about it for our discussion.  I'm starting to think Ron did all his grieving years ago. 

I am a little sa…

Ron's Dad died - a ticking blackout

Ron's dad died in a nursing home (I presume, I have very few details).  He was over 90 years old.  He had dementia. 

He was really the only relative of Ron's who was kind to me, after Ron's accident, who actually showed up and tried to help.  He used to feed my cat French fries and boy she loved them.  I never knew that about her.  He was very kind and gentle to me and Ron, but when forced to choose between Ron and his siblings, chose the siblings. 

I suppose he and his wife felt the siblings would be more of a "help".  As it turns out, when the dementia manifested the "kids" put both "Mom and Dad" into a nursing home.  In a bad area, at that. 

Even if I could crawl in Ron's head and see his issues, I wouldn't.  Right now he is stoic but he may have a blackout.  He had a blackout when Bubba died, grieving horribly.  Bubba is the black cat in my photo album. 

I wonder, what does this mean to me?  To his drinking?  I wish I knew, but…


Well, I accomplished my goals today, I got some rest, and I did some housework. 

I slept in until 7:30 and woke up with a headache.  I did some organizing and cleaning (for once I had some energy), in spite of the headache.  Taking the Excedrin helped.  

I hung up my wet clothes (on things in the house) and let them dry, then hung them up on hangers and put them away.  I cleaned the litterboxes, kind of a pissy ambience to the house, and sorted through some clothes in the laundry room. 

I have some clothes on a rod in the laundry room.  They tend to be my "dressier" clothes, a suit, some blazers, stuff like that.  I got rid of about 1/3 to 1/2 of it.  I haven't worn the business clothes in over 15 years, and most of it was too small anyway. 

Funny to think, I thought I was "fat" when I was wearing a medium.  I bagged it up for the Salvation Army.  They can put it to good use. 

Ron mentioned the new appliances (washer/dryer) might not fit in the laundry roo…

A taste of the good stuff

The migraine stuck around through this morning, and I had to go buy 50 cases of inventory. 

"This" I thought, "Is going to suck"

I got up, got ready, and took some Excedrin.  I am still spotting so that makes almost 2 weeks. 

I haven't really thought I might be premenopausal, sure, I could be, but was I?  Now I'm beginning to think I am. 

Do I care?  No.  My only concern is that my cycle will become less predictable as I get closer to The End. 

I waited on my morning pills, knowing I would have a vomiting migraine if I took my antidepressant.  Nothing, nothing, is sadder to me than being depressed, with a migraine.  And I can't take my antidepressant because of the migraine. 

Our first ride was aggravating.  If there is room, the client is allowed to "transfer" from the wheelchair into a regular seat and ride along with the other passengers. 

I opened the door so Ron could transfer, to find a young man sitting there glaring at me.  I ask…

Dropped his fork

Migraine today. 

Woke up OK at 3. 

Went to work at 4. 

Worked my butt off, got delivery, came home. 

Took a nap, woke up with migraine. 

Went to the bank did banking. 

Showed Ron's "enabler" (the guy who helps him get vodka) a photo of the kitchen after Ron's blackout.  He almost dropped his fork. 

Ate dinner with him and Ron, came home. 

The headache is bad enough I took some Phenergan, hopefully that will help. 

Going to bed.

3 card monte

Work went OK yesterday.  We went to the warehouse first and bought 25 pounds of coffee, then we went to work.  It took a while. 

After we came home, Ron "promised" me a "quiet night" and was quiet.  He still says he has "solved" the whole falling-off-the walker issue by saying he will simply sit on the floor when he drinks, instead. 

Not really a solution, reminds me of 3-card monte, where the card gets shifted around and around.  He's attacking symptoms and not addressing the real problem.  But I leave that to God.  The more I nag, the more he will resist admitting he has a problem and proving me "right". 

Today we went out for breakfast.  We have to get up at 2 AM tomorrow so it's going to be an early night.  Breakfast went fine except for when Ron had to use the toilet.  I pushed him into the men's room, up to the handicapped stall.  Ron jiggled the handle and some guy started yelling he was in there.  Ron asked him if he could…

A bloody blackout

It looked like a crime scene, a huge pool of blood, spatters, and a smear headed up the hall in my direction.  I followed the trail to Ron's room and found another, wide, smear on his door.  Ron was covered in blood and looked like a murder victim. 

He fell of his walker, during a blackout.   

I got him up (he was awake, sober, and totally unaware of the carnage), and got him in the bath.  When he got out, the bath was red.  He cut the back of his head.  It's scabbed over already.  You only have a 4 hour window to sew up a laceration, if you wait too long it's just too late.  So it will have to heal up naturally.  Ron will just have to be careful brushing. 

Ron would say he was kidding, but he blamed me for the blackout "You wouldn't watch a movie with me.  You better watch one tonight or I'll have another one".  That sounds an awful lot like blaming, and threats. 

After the bath, I began the mop.  That took a while.  I used Lysol lemon something-or-o…

My cats almost murdered my driver

The cats have a contest, who can scent mark Ron's walker.  They rub their faces and bodies all over the seat and handles, claiming Ron as their personal human, go away other cats.  I catch them at it several times a day. 

I never thought much of it. 

Then, today. 

Our first driver put the walker away and began wheezing and coughing.  "Do you have a cat?" she asked in a choked voice.  Yes.  "Oh, that's it".  She put the windows down and hung her head out the window, coughing, wheezing, and sneezing.  I felt so bad for her. 

She had another pickup and managed it very professionally, still ailing.  I suggested it might be dander on the walker and she used some hand sanitizer. 

She coughed and wheezed all the way to Walmart.  By the time we got out, the hives had started.  I felt so awful, lower than the lowest worm, my cats were torturing this poor woman. 

I will never mock a person with allergies, again.  I never knew someone could have a cat allergy li…

Way more personal than it should be

I like to change my tampon right before I go to bed.  That way, as I sleep, I'm leaking into a fresh one, not a half-full used one. 

You can imagine my shock and horror as I pulled the tampon out, only to be attacked by a giant blood clot (at least 2 T).  It hung on the end of the tampon for a moment, then made a dive for the toilet seat.  From there, it began a slithering journey towards the floor.  I managed to catch it with a paper towel and get it thrown away, then cleaned everything up. 

Way more drama than I wanted.  My cycle had been oddly light this time, I chalked it up to premenopause.  I was half right. 

Apparently this is normal, and not a cause for concern, as long as it isn't happening a lot, every cycle.  It isn't.  This happens, for me, every couple years, lately.  Feb 2012 was so bad I still wonder if I was pregnant.  I won't know until I see God. 

So, I basically evicted the whole cycle into a massive blood clot last night.  Now I'm back to a …


We had a pretty easy day off. 

I got up about 7:30, with a headache.  I got into my aspirin and drank a diet soda, and went back to bed.  I couldn't sleep, but I felt better in about 20 minutes, so I got up. 

I took my shower and did my God Time, but I didn't eat or take my pills just yet.  Ron was taking me to a cheap hamburger place so I waited. 

I really like the space I cleared out in the front room.  I was going to put a treadmill in that space, but I like it so much I think I'll leave it. 

Eventually, I will figure out how to take the photos off my phone and put them online.  Then I can post a few. 

One important thing, since Ron has mobility issues and I can fall over a quarter, we don't have any throw rugs, just carpeting in the bedrooms. 

I fed Biscuit and Baby Girl (although I know Torbie gets into it too), threw away their old food, etc.  I looked at the front room and tried to decide which things I would organize when I had the energy. 

As our pickup…

I'll take it

I've had a bad headache all day. 

I didn't sleep well.  I didn't even nap well. 

We had a long day.  We went to the warehouse and got 50 cases of merchandise, then went to work and stocked it, and stocked it, and stocked it.  Then, my favorite game "Stuff it all in 34 square feet of stockroom". 

We came home, I tried to nap but couldn't.  Long day.  Head still hurts, I'm tired, I'm depressed.  I didn't even get my God Time. 

I also figured out that Tylenol doesn't do jack diddly for my headaches.  I am better off taking aspirin.  Good to know.  Good thing I have plenty of aspirin. 

It wasn't a total loss, Ron was pretty nice to me all day, Biscuit got in my lap twice, and Torbie slept with me. 

I'll take it.

A black guy with a gun

I woke up before my alarm with wracking cramps.  Guess my period decided to get down to business.  It likes to spot for a couple days, then flood.  Happily I didn't have to do any laundry. 

I had a really weird experience at Walmart today.  We went, got some things, and were waiting outside.  Ron was sitting in the kiddie cart (the one with the blue plastic seat on the back), his walker folded up in the shopping cart basket.  I was wearing my "over the regular glasses" sunglasses. 

We saw some young black men come out of the store.  They were tall and muscular.  A white guy approached them, heckling them, making feints like he was going to hit one of them, and taunting them to fight.  The black guys kept telling him to leave them alone. 

The white guy kept bothering them.  The black guys walked off across the parking lot, and the white guy followed them (I didn't know that). 

As we were leaving, the driver said "OMG, he has a gun!  He just pulled a gun!"…

Refrain from telling

Lately, if I bring up my illness at all, I "just" mention depression.  "I have some pretty bad depressions..."  People are fine with that, I'm fine with that, and to quote Clan of the Cave Bear, I don't have to lie,  but I can refrain from telling.

Why do I mention this?  Depression's back.  The mania lasted, what, a week?  I guess that is "Good" clinically.  Doc seems to not want me to have any manias at all.  Not so good: weeks of depression to come, unless God intervenes somehow. 

He might.  You never know. 

Once or twice I have been manic on my birthday, and had a great time. 

I slept OK but woke up exhausted.  I took my shower, did my God time, and watched a little TV.  I helped Ron get ready when he woke up (I prefer to get up hours before the pickup, Ron prefers a much later wakeup). 

We went out to breakfast.  "They" rode us around for a while.  We rode with a blind, diabetic, lady on dialysis.  Even worse, her husband wa…

Quarters wrapped in foil for the vending machine

I've been seeing ads for hazelnut chocolates lately, and they always remind me of my father in law. 

He was an illiterate carpenter who had to drop out of school at a young age to work in the fields and support his family.  He got married young and had 3 kids, moved to Houston and had Ron.  Good thing they lived close to the hospital, because Ron had many eye operations. 

When I met him, he was a thin, elderly man with beautiful green eyes.  He had tremors from Parkinson's but still loved building, and gardening.  We had gardening in common.  I was one of the few people who understood and appreciated what he did. 

After we moved to Houston, I used to give Ron's dad a blooming rose bush every Father's day.  He loved them, planted them, and they flourished.  I really cared about him.  Still do. 

Ron and his dad had had conflict over the years, but both were pleased I got along with the "old man".  Then, the accident. 

Most of Ron's family turned agains…

Crazy one in town

Well, that was odd.  Someone stole my garbage. 

I got up feeling as if I couldn't get any more sleep, but not really rested either.  I assume that is a medication/bipolar thing.  Especially since I'm a little manic right now.  I should be sleeping less, not more.

I did wake up at 3 am and told myself to go back to sleep, which I did.  I finally got up a couple hours later. 

Biscuit was being a pest, begging (he is the gray and white cat with the gray tail), so I told him "NO", sternly.  He kept begging.  I told him no a couple more times and he slunk off into a corner, crushed. 

I didn't mean to break his heart, I was just teasing him.  He didn't even come when I clicked the can of food, or when I poured it out.  He did get up on the table and watched Baby Girl eat (so I guess he was begging on her behalf).  He did forgive me but I felt like a monster. 

I took my shower, got dressed, and went to Walmart with Ron.  I got 36 cans of cat food, some soda, t-…

A lot to do

Today I woke up exhausted and reset my alarm clock, providing the absolute minimum of time before leaving.  I got up, talked to Ron a little bit, and took my shower. 

We left for work.  The first driver wasn't very cuddly at first but she warmed up to us. 

We got in there.  Things were pretty dead.  Soda 1 had a coin jam and we had to fix that, then deal with unhappy customers.  I showed them the flaw in it's design, and how the other machines do not have the design flaw, then explained it was better to use them instead.  They walked away happy.  Good. 

Ron complained his legs seemed weaker, a bad sign.  I just helped him.  He has to make any decisions about surgery on his own. 

We got it all done and came home.  I ate something and took a nap. 

I had a good nap and woke up with not one, but two cats in the bed.  Later on I found Torbie in the underwear drawer.  "I hope she doesn't have worms" I told Ron.  "I'm going to end up with vaginal worms&quo…


I'm going to keep this short. 

I've had a nasty headache all day.  Ron told me his legs are hurting when he lies down in bed.  So his back is getting worse.  Surgery is looking more and more imminent.  Since I'm still a little manic, I managed to do some sorting/organizing/cleaning.  Now I have a very patient Biscuit waiting for his dinner.  I'm going to give it to him and go to bed early.


Ugh.  I'm really tired but I know a lot of you read on the weekend. 

I am still very mildly manic, but I got pretty tired at work. 

I had to get up very early, go to the warehouse, and buy supplies.  It was raining so I didn't get a lot of the snack products I would have, normally.  Also I had 30 cases of drinks so not a lot of room, really. 

The woman in front of me was ransacking her purse, pulling out various notebooks and paging through them, looking for money.  She didn't have enough money.  We ended up waiting about 5 minutes for her son to go get more out of the vehicle.  Annoying.  Why not count the money, locate it, and combine it all before we begin shopping? 

I paid, got everything loaded into the truck and off to work.  We got there, I unloaded the carts, and took them outside. 

Last time, Ron could only walk to the back of the truck with great difficulty, so I brought the wheelchair to the door and unloaded him there, then brought him to the tailgate.  He…

It's an energy issue

I started getting manic last night.  Good. 

A small mania is really good.  A large one = hospitalization and clinical emergency.  One book on bipolar disorder said we were "touched with fire".  More like "play with fire". 

So, I'm trying to stay "warm" and catch up on housework.  I cleaned out a kitchen cabinet and sorted everything out by sell by date.  I will do more cleaning and organizing as I can. 

First, though, I had to get up at 2 AM and go to work.  We got the Dr Pepper delivery and stocked.  I did an inventory, I need pretty much everything.  Sales are down, but we still require inventory. 

It was a long day but we did it.  Ron started complaining his back hurt.  He attributed it to "too long in the wheelchair".  I disagree but didn't, aloud. 

He was VERY stiff as a result. 

He didn't need any additional help, but he was a lot slower and stiffer, moving. 

I hope he doesn't do permanent damage to himself.  I hear …

Four is enough

Ron and I argue about the Pepsi.  We can't buy it at the warehouse, so we have to make a special trip to buy it at Walmart, and it's so big we have to make a special trip just to buy Pepsi. 

I hate Pepsi.  I don't think it has a good taste at all.  Give me a Diet Dr Pepper anyday.  I will occasionally be found drinking a diet caffeine free Coke if I am watching my caffeine intake.  I had a couple today, for instance, but as a general rule: I hate Pepsi. 

I certainly don't see the point in making a special trip just to buy Pepsi.  Ron disagreed, so yesterday he scheduled a special trip to Walmart to buy work eight, six packs of Pepsi. 

We quickly determined that eight was way too many.  Four was enough.  I ended up taking out half the drinks before moving our box (we had brought a box for transport).  That way, I could move it safely without hurting myself. 

One thing Ron's whole back drama has taught me: once your back is gone, it's gone, and you are left w…

Crisis bag

I told Ron about the dryer today.  He asked if I had checked the breaker.  It has power, I told him, it's just not drying.  I told him, short term, I am fine hanging things up around the house. 

I woke up at 4 AM with a migraine and it hasn't gotten much better.  I ate some pepperoni yesterday, full of preservatives and flavor enhancers.  I have to figure that's what did me in.

So, 4 AM found me, with a very excited Biscuit, getting a cold can of diet soda and my Excedrin.  I told Biscuit sorry, he'd have to wait.  I drank the diet soda (very cold diet sodas tend to help, maybe they activate my vagus nerve or something).  I told Biscuit I was sorry but it wasn't breakfast yet. 

I went back to bed.  I had a couple of symptoms, throbbing head pain on one side, and extreme gum pain.  My gingivitis was acting up again, but some of that was my fault. 

A while back, "they" came out with a study saying you didn't have to floss your teeth anymore.  Howeve…