We finally had enough

I wasn't sleeping well when I woke up with a migraine at 2:30.  I did the Mountain Dew.  I did the Excedrin.  Nothing.  I got on the computer for a while because there is nothing I hate more than tossing and turning with a migraine. 

I finally felt a little better and went back to bed, had some VERY broken sleep, and still felt like crap (somewhat of a headache, very tired) when my alarm went off. 

The plan was to get up, do a workout, work on assembling my shelves, and then take a shower before work.  That was not going to happen, any of it. 

Well, I got the shower. 

[later]  I was lucky to go to the bank.  It was pretty quiet there but ugh, my head.  I got some diet soda on the way home. 

Now we are going to a bbq buffet.  I am hungry off and on so I should be OK.  I took a nap with Torbie, who was completely awesome and the best cat ever. 

I will ABSOLUTELY get another old cat when I am looking again. 

[fast forward some hours]

So, here's my day: got up, shower, bank, home.  Curl up in ball with Torbie, get up. 

Our ride was late again, Mr Excuses.  Ron had enough and called in a complaint as we rode to the destination.  Driver acted all shocked, injured, and offended Ron did so.  I told him "You are always late, every single time.  No one else has this problem."  He couldn't say anything to that.  Normally I am the "nice" one telling Ron to calm down, not to yell. 

But I was fed up and my head was killing me, the last thing I wanted was more excuses and outrage over Ron simply saying "The man is always late". 

I told Ron later a teachable person would have said "I'm sorry, I need to work on this".  Instead, he angrily told me Ron was going to cost him his bonus.  So much for teachable.  And he drove terribly after that, I was worried about a wreck. 

Even the driver has to admit he is chronically, constantly, late.  No one else has this issue.  It was time to complain.  He has ruined enough trips of ours already. 

I believe he is always late because he is always pulling over to gossip on his phone.  Drivers who focus on their job do well.  He is just doing the minimum.  Told us recently he has "big plans" for a food truck. 

He isn't focused on doing a good job and providing service, he is focused on performing the bare minimum so he can "cash out" every week.  He's not invested. 

So he's a terrible driver always skating by.  The fact that he reacted with outrage as opposed to contrition told me a great deal about him.  I already told you about him at the chicken place, running the employees around, heckling them, demanding free food, rushing them, etc. just ALL the things I hated in a customer when I was on the other side of the counter.  It tells you a lot when you see someone order food. 

He "seems" to be a nice guy and goes to a lot of pains to project that, but underneath he is a whiny, entitled, greedy, selfish, brat.  One of the other drivers said he needed a pacifier. 

Smart people can take correction.  When a customer told me she missed the dark chocolate and wanted it back, I had a couple of choices.  I could have said "Look, I'm doing my best, you people are too demanding" or I could say "I'll pick some up the next time I run to the warehouse" which I did, and then most importantly I stocked it. 

It is not about me, at work.  It is not about serving my wants/needs.  It is about serving the customer and making sure they have a good experience.  If I can't do that I need another line of work.  I do my best and I can say that with pride. 

We had a good meal and I got a lot of protein into Ron, I was very happy about that.  I was able to enjoy my meal.  We called Arturo and he came pretty quick. 

Only problem, his computer died so he cannot get any more trips.  He HAS to fix that or no money today.  Ron and I prayed for a quick fix on that. 

Ron did not want to go to Walmart or my bank any time in the next couple days, so I called Chuck, but HIS truck is dead so no rides from him.  I could take Arturo but I really don't want to go to Walmart on the weekend. 

I am thinking to go to another branch of my bank on the bus and make that deposit.  Then I can order most of my Walmart stuff for delivery. 

Did I tell you about the cheese sticks?  Last night Ron wanted "something small" so I told him, I have hard boiled eggs, I have cheese sticks... etc.  See, I have good stuff available, he just doesn't eat it.  Last night he said he wanted a cheese stick.  I was shocked. 

I "peeled" it and gave it to him, he loved it.  He then proceeded to eat about 10 more, over a period of an hour.  I wasn't complaining, he was getting protein and calcium, 2 things he really needs.  He asked me to put more on the list, which I did. 

That can be delivered easily.  Walmart delivery has just been the best thing for me.  I love it.  We will have to get out and pick up Ron's pills from the pharmacy, though. 

So, tomorrow is looking like warehouse, work, home.  Then run to my bank. 

I am thinking I might want to use a scented laundry detergent.  So I might pick some up tomorrow, the packs, not the liquid, that I can carry home on the bus and use when I do laundry this weekend. 

Ron's shirt of the day was pretty spectacular when I took it away from him.  I really like what Tide does for the clothes, so I may get a scented Tide.  I still plan to use the unscented on stuff like my underwear, sheets, and towels because strong odors can be awful when I have a migraine.  Hopefully I am good for a while though. 

I couldn't believe that driver today "[I am seriously late everytime I pick you up but] I"m going to lose my bonus [because you complained]."  What did he expect?  We would just keep bending over?  

Sorry.  I hate it when Ron does that, go on and on about something.  He knows he has a complaint on file, if he is smart he will work to get ahead of it.  I am just sick of all the excuses and lies.  "They sent me across town" - no, I called them half an hour ago and you were on time.  You just decided to pull over and gossip on your cell phone for 20 minutes because we were the next trip.  Maybe now he will be more diligent since he knows we WILL complain. 

I am drinking some diet cranberry juice out of the big plastic bottle.  It is time to change out Ron's urinal and when I finish the bottle I will give it to him.  The old bottle needs to go and that is all I'll say.  I like the juice and it is very good and cold.  Not a problem to drink! 

I am cranked up on caffeine today, I don't even want to guess how much I had, but hundreds of mg over what my doctor suggests.  I had things to do, though, and I had to be functional. 

I am missing my workout but will NOT be stupid and attempt it today.  My head is better but the headache will come back in the "right" circumstances. 

I want to do a little bit of kettlebells, cardio, and legs.  Leg day means a lot of squats.  I am thinking it would probably be better to do that in the afternoon after I come home from the bank.  It will be hot in the garage but I can wear out my legs without needing them. 

I will need my strength in the morning.  I will need to walk to/from the bus stop.  But after that, legs are optional. 

Worst case I can do it Sunday.  I have NEVER heard of a fitness person being harmed by an extra day off.  I can just "hit it" that much harder when I do go back to it. 

Thursday

I didn't sleep well, and I had to get up at 2.  I dragged myself out of bed after a few runs with the snooze alarm, got up, fed the cats.  I got ready and got Ron ready. 

Our ride was early, a new driver.  Ron had a lot of difficulty moving from his wheelchair to the seat (transferring).  When we got to work he had even more trouble trying to get in his wheelchair. 

There is another guy at work who has the service, for some reason he can't drive.  He has nothing apparently wrong with him so it must be a brain thing. 

He showed up in the middle of Ron's attempted transfer, heckling, loud and obnoxious, asking rude/stupid questions: "Why can't he walk?"  I told him NOT NOW and he left us alone, I got Ron in his wheelchair, and unloaded. 

The other guy was still waiting around and wanted to know when Ron stopped being able to walk.  "3 years ago" I told him.  "But he could walk last time...."  "No, he couldn't"

He could stand partway and take half a step, that is not "walking".  Anyway, he got the point: LEAVE US ALONE and went in ahead of us. 

Ugh.  I hate it when people try to tell me what Ron can do.  They don't know him.  He is a lot more f*cked up than he looks. 

We got in and did some stocking, not much.  Happily Dr Pepper came around 7 so we could get out of there early. 

Ron called Arturo and he came pretty quick, considering Ron woke him up.  We went home.  I had a snack, took the rest of my pills (I took the AM pills at 2, along with a protein shake).  I took a nap. 

I woke up an hour before my alarm and decided to take a nap.  It was pretty warm out but not awful, I just took a 15 minute walk.  I had already walked a lot on my foot this morning so I went easy.  I still got points on my fitness app. 

I came back home and found my dumbbell handle on the porch, I took it out, put it together, and set it in my weight lifting area.  It looks very nice and sturdy.  Then I put the trash and cardboard in the respective containers. 

I got on the computer for a while and started doing a Walmart grocery delivery order.  I forgot to get the bottled water but that's not crucial.  Ron woke up.  I asked a few questions about what he wanted, and amended my order from Jalapeno chips to Sour Cream and Onion, at his request. 

The doorbell rang.  It was UPS.  They had my smaller rack.  I brought it into the garage.  It looks harmless but I will wait until I am well rested and not medicated before I attempt assembly. 

I am currently just waiting on my larger rack. 

I went ahead and placed my order.  Ron called and, sure enough, our driver was going to be late, it was the guy who's always late. . Ron was very unhappy and called in a complaint.  No other driver has this problem where they are chronically half an hour + late every single time.  Full of excuses.  I had Ron tell the representative how the driver thinks the dispatchers are persecuting him because he is happily married.  The representative started laughing, but it made the point. 

When he arrived, the driver could tell Ron wasn't happy with him and Ron kept making comments about how hard it was to find a lucrative job.  I didn't think that helped. 

We got to the Waffle House and it was mayhem.  They were training some new people, the restaurant was full, and things were very backed up.  A hungry baby was crying in a high chair.  Ron kept yelling "Shut up" at the baby.  I kept reminding him, it's a baby, it's hungry, and I'm sure you were just as loud.  The mother got the baby some juice and that took the edge off for a while. 

Then there was a large, scary, woman with more muscles than a body builder, covered in tattoos, wearing a shirt with cut off sleeves, shouting she wanted to see a manager.   They ended up comping her meal.  I didn't blame them. 

They brought me not one, but two, waffles.  No charge on the second one.  The bacon was good.  Ron had a grilled cheese.  This has been carb week for me.  I will definitely need to get on the bike tomorrow. 

It calmed down after half an hour.  Our pickup was late, and was the same driver.  Normally we buy him something if we know we will see him again but not today. 

He's not a bad guy, he is a terrible steward of his money, eating out at steakhouses a couple times a week with his wife - by his own admission.  I can only imagine what else he does with his money.  He also talks on his phone a lot when he doesn't have a customer, and has pulled over on one occasion when he was supposed to be picking us up, so he could talk on the phone instead of taking us to our destination.  And all the excuses and being late constantly. 

Some routes you're just going to run late.  But when other drivers have the route they run it perfectly.  So I have a hard time believing certain dispatchers are picking on one particular driver.  One other driver said this guy needs a pacifier to keep him from crying all the time. 

I am just SICK of the games.  I have enough drama in my own walls.  I don't need any more. 

I only talk about my troubles here, very limited to my family.  If my aunt wants to get the real scoop she comes here and reads, sometimes she will send me a text "Read your blog, SO SORRY" and that is all I need. 

Oh, I did rehome my chicken hat.  I had a cloth black chef's hat with chickens on it, printed on the fabric.  It has an adjustable closure in the back and is made entirely of the fabric.  She said it sounded like fun and she would take it.  So I will save it. 

My uncle is retiring and they have both said they want to visit.  When they do I can show them the garage and give her the hat. 

I am eager to get the shelving done, get things "racked" to borrow a kettlebell phrase, and see how much room I have left.   Hopefully enough room for something, but I lost a lot of room when I restructured, but this is safer and easier. 

I also need to figure out what I will do tomorrow for exercise.  I am thinking to do some half Turkish getups, I have studied the exercise extensively, do those as long as I can, work on the racks, do the bike, and take my shower.  It means an early-get-up, an exercise I perform frequently (:P), but I am OK with that. 

I get paid tomorrow and we go to Walmart (after all the work things) on Saturday, so I can make my deposit. 

Tonight I just need to rearrange the fridge after Ron's done in the kitchen, and get my grocery delivery and put the rack in the garage when it arrives. 

Wednesday

I didn't sleep well last night so I skipped the early morning workout.  I didn't want to be sloppy when holding weights. 

I got ready, got Ron ready.  Our ride was late but it didn't matter, we still had plenty of time.  The poor thing looked really stressed out so we tried to make her laugh.  It was a straight trip and we got there an hour before the appointment time. 

One nasty review left on Google (about the dentist) said they were "11 minutes late" (probably later) and the office staff rescheduled them.  What did they expect?  They are working on a schedule. 

I filled out the medical questionnaire and handed it back to the office lady.  She was doing all the billing and scheduling in addition to reception duties.  I talked to Ron, I had my Kindle but he didn't have anything and was anxious. 

They called us back early and I got Ron in the room.  I have talked about Ron's poor dental care, I had tried to get him to brush or mouthwash this morning, and every time, and he said no like he normally does.  Today I told him they had a huge mouthwash dispenser as we entered the room.  I asked him if he would like some.  "I can have some?" he asked. 

"Oh, PLEASE" said the dental assistant.  I laughed quietly as she gave Ron a cup with mouthwash and he used it.  I am looking out for them. 

Then we got him in the chair (easy) and I put the wheelchair in the corner.  They took X rays and got the dentist.  The dentist almost swore when he saw the tooth, it was pretty remarkable, and he actually had me come over and look.  Ron split it in half, horizontally.  I knew that would not be cheap. 

Ron complained the worst part was the jagged edge, it kept stabbing him.  He was getting cut up by his own tooth.  The dentist said he could get rid of the pointy part and Ron should be good for a while, until we can save up enough for a crown.  Ron and I agreed to that. 

Then he got the drill.  Oh, I hate the drill.  Hate it.  Awful sound.  Ron had a look with his tongue and was very happy. 

Then we went and paid, a very reasonable sum, and got a quote on the crown (2 mortgage payments).  Then we called Arturo. 

I teased Arturo about the good workout when he put the wheelchair in the back.  "You're working your abs, your back, your legs..." he laughed. 

Then we went to the donut shop.  I find the dental experience traumatic.  The dentist is a great guy but I really hate going.  I think Ron does, more than he lets on. 

So I got six donuts.  We came home and I got Ron loaded into bed after a snack. 

I told him I had ordered some racks for the garage, and discussed how I planned to assemble them.  Not tomorrow, when they are due to arrive, but Friday, my day off (where I actually get the day to myself, except for getting paid).  I will get up early, have some caffeine, and go out in the garage and do it.  I will be better served by, ah, "pausing" my medication for the time required to do it.  Once finished, I can take my pills. 

One time I mailed sales tax without writing the amount on the check.  That was a big mess to be sorted out.  Ron had to explain I am mentally ill and on medication.  So I "pause" medication on sales tax day until I have that done, then I take it and get -well, "stupid".  The State of Texas was very nice about it, though.  We have had an account for almost 20 years now.  Oh, that's a lot of money we've paid. 

So I will do the racks on Friday, get my crap on them, and then figure out if I need another rack.  Hopefully I will free up enough room or an elliptical and/or a punching bag. 

I took a nap, Torbie joined me.  She is such an awesome cat, an ongoing joy to love.  We are going to miss her when she goes.  I won't replace her, though, Baby Girl took it so badly when we brought Torbie home I wouldn't want to go through that again.  I don't think Biscuit would mind another cat if it were nice to him. 

I had a strange dream about aliens and the sun, then woke up with a headache. I had some caffeine and talked to Ron, who was also up.  I got on the computer for a while and did some reviews on Google. 

I am now a Local Guide.  They like my reviews, apparently, and want more.  Our dentist only has 3 stars on Google and that is NOT fair, he is really good and a kind man.  So I left an honest, accurate, 5 star review for him and his staff.  Then I thought it would only be fair to leave one for Ron's pain doctor.  So I did that.  The pain doc already had a couple of 5 star reviews but another one won't hurt. 

Then I got into my workout wear and went to the exercise bike.  And there's a sweet little Baby Girl curled up next to the pedal.  [sigh]  She loves to sleep there but I can't work out.  So I got the treats and served her and Biscuit.  Then I got on the bike. 

I did a 20 minute workout and then did Kettlebells.  This time, I added the "half Turkish get-up".  It is basically going from lying down to sitting up, while holding a weighted ball in the air above your head.  I could do 6, with a 5 pound weight.  Plenty of room for improvement!  It is supposed to be really good for the core and I would rather do something like that than dedicated ab exercises, which always suck. 

The "full" "get-up" is not advised for people with knee trouble, so I won't attempt that.  This will keep me busy for a while, and it was fun, and challenging, so a good thing to add to the old workout.  I only do kettlebells once a week.  My other 2 days I do free weights. 

I finished that, took about 20 minutes.  Back inside and on the computer again.  I plan to take my Kindle and go to bed pretty soon so I can at least attempt to get 8 hours of sleep. 

Our pickup is very early tomorrow, but we'll be done (God willing) when most people are having their first break. 

Tuesday

Oh, it was a long day.

Last night I decided to do a little reading before bed.  I was able to borrow a book I liked because I'm a Prime member, nice.  I wonder how the author gets paid out of that.

I turned off the wifi in my Kindle and put it on to charge.  I have been having battery issues.

Then I went to bed.  I did not sleep well, Ron was fine, so were the cats, I just didn't sleep.  Frustrating, especially as we had a very long day today.

I got up very early and got dressed, helped Ron, put my pills and a shake in the back of the wheelchair, and off to work.  We worked for hours.  We missed the sandwich delivery.  We asked the other vendor to get it for us.

They agreed, especially as we were leaving early to take Ron to the pain doc.  We got there very early, about 2 hours before our appointment.  The office girl spotted us and called us back, and gave us a specimen cup for Ron.

Ron had had 2 and a half bottles of water at this point.  He went in the bathroom and "tried" and tried.  And tried.  I got out my Kindle and read literally half my book.  Standing outside the bathroom.  I would have thought 2 bottles would be plenty.  He finished the third bottle.  Nothing.

[Curses]  I talked to Ron.  He said it is not an issue of emptying the bladder, rather there was nothing in the bladder.  So he was dehydrated.  I gave him one of my bottles of soda and he started working on that.  About the time the doctor came by.  I asked if his assistant could "cath" Ron and the doctor said not to worry about it, they would just do the visit right now.

So I got Ron dressed and into the exam room.  Doc came by a little later, had the visit.  Ron's back is apparently a remarkable wreck, based on the pain doctor's descriptions and attitude.  Sort of a "I don't see how you're functional at all" perspective.  He wrote another prescription.

I still had the specimen cup and we were meeting my aunt for lunch.  I told the staff I would take the cup and if Ron could fill it, he would, and we would bring it back.

We went outside and my very punctual aunt was waiting.  We stuffed Ron in her backseat, I got the wheelchair in the trunk, and we figured out where we wanted to go for lunch.  We went.

Service was pretty slow but the food was good.  We had a good time.

She took us back to the doctor's office.  She would have taken us home but we would have gotten a penalty mark.  Besides, Ron still had to pee.

Sure enough, he asked for the cup when we got back to the doctor's office.  I took him in a different bathroom, showed him the grab bars and the toilet, gave him the cup (after he sat) and left.  He shouted for me a minute later, presenting me with a cup of brown, dehydrated, urine.  If mine looked like that my urethra would be burning.  Men must be a lot different.

I found the medical assistant and gave it to her in a plastic bag, so she wouldn't have to touch it ungloved.  She was happy to see it and said they were looking forward to seeing us next month.

THANK GOD.  Done with.

Then Ron called for our ride home and they came in about an hour.  I finally had a chance to sit down and finished reading my book.  I told him, next time I am plying him with drinks the night before his appointment, making sure he is good and soaked by the time he has his appointment.  I also said this is a cautionary tale for him, that it took 3, twenty ounce, bottles of water and half a bottle of soda to produce a small amount of urine, that he is that dehydrated.  I said I would be nagging him a lot more about his water intake and he said OK.

Our driver came, went to the wrong parking lot, but was a nice kid when she found us.  We had a straight trip home (very unusual to get a straight trip each way on a long trip like we had).  The brakes squeaked but otherwise a great trip.

Ron was so exhausted he could not get out of his wheelchair to ride in a regular seat, and rode home in the wheelchair.  I was worried about getting him into bed, but he managed.  I fed the cats.  Then he had to go to the bathroom, that was pretty ugly.

I want to put that safety frame on the toilet.  I will feel a lot better if I do.  He is too tired to check it out now but I will set it up tomorrow, let him try getting on and off, let me know if he wants it or not.

Ron and I have a very bad habit of not asking for help, or not accepting it.  We both need to work on that.

So I will try the frame tomorrow.

I'm off for a while.  I have a huge bucket of iced tea at my side.  I don't need to do laundry so my big goal for the evening is to learn the half Turkish get-up kettlebell move.  I think I would like to add it to my kettlebell workouts.

Tomorrow I get up early, do my workout, shower, take Ron to the dentist.  Hopefully it is cheap.

Torbie is lying by my feet, Biscuit is lying behind me on the floor.  Baby Girl is lying with Ron.

When I went to check on Ron a minute ago I saw blood all over his leg, he managed to scratch himself somehow and bled a bit.  I mopped all that up and disinfected him.  I need to remember to throw some peroxide or Dermoplast on him a couple times a day until that is healed, although he seldom gets skin infections.

I am running to the donut shop tomorrow after the dentist and will get 2 donuts only.  I think it is a fair treat for all the medical companionship I've been doing.

Especially all the urine drama.

Edit, cleaned out the garage some more, ordered 2 racks for garage (one for my fitness books), collected and took out the trash, took trash can to street.  Now I need to figure out my dinner. 

Ron can't pee again

At the pain doctor.  Getting really sick of this.  He's had 3 bottles of water.  How dehydrated is he??!

He pees fine at home.

Edit, took 3 hours to get a sample

The rest of Monday

I think I got a taste of how some of you feel. 

I will go ahead and tell it and then backpedal to my day. 

I was on a message board, we were talking about what qualifies a person as disabled.  I said it really teed me off when someone with disabled plates, hang tag got an attitude about having to wait on Ron, who is so obviously disabled.  I could understand if he looked and moved normally.  But he is in a wheelchair and clearly had a stroke in addition to being blind. 

Someone (not me) said people with drug and alcohol issues shouldn't get disability.  Social Security handed down that edict quite some time ago.  Someone else actually said I didn't understand alcoholics, that many of them "need" it for pain, or to sleep.  The same damned excuses Ron has been giving for years now.  I almost popped a blood vessel. 

I quickly countered I had heard that for years, but empirical evidence showed he was in just as much pain after drinking.  He was just buzzed on top of it.  He didn't remember the pain because of the alcohol but it was still there.  I also disproved the "sleep" issue.  He can sleep just fine without alcohol, even in a new place. 

I had a lot to say, which I won't repeat.  Basically: I loathe drunks, I can't ABIDE their excuses.  I see them as weak morally and a danger to themselves and others.  Only God can love them. 

That's pretty much it.  But my reaction on hearing those excuses reminded me of some of the responses I have gotten on here.  To whatever extent, I get it. 

I still have about 10K views a month.  Interestingly enough I am popular in Norway. 

So, back to my day: I took a shower and shaved my legs today, so I don't have to do it at 4 AM tomorrow.  I watched a little TV and took a nap. 

Torbie laid down with me but left while I slept.  But I got the cuddles so I was happy. 

She is such a good cat.  She is a true gift and one of the reasons I believe God loves me, He gave me her. 

I got up, drank some caffeine lemonade, that helped.  I watched some TV and read a fitness book I found.  I will be doing some cleaning once I get dressed.  I found one dumbbell handle - I can use that working out and save myself some serious money, for a while. 

My back is getting stronger on my weight training program, and I am about out of dumbbells, so glad I found this and I can make a heavier weight.  It is really important for me to have a strong back with the home care I do. 

Speaking of, Ron was making a lot of pain noises.  I checked on him, he was taking a pain pill, which he had forgotten.  He went in the kitchen and drank. 

He has been very affectionate today, saying all sorts of wonderful things but I have to take it with a grain of salt.  If I believe that, I have to believe all the horrible stuff he says.  But I am glad he is feeling positive about me. 

He drank a lot.  I won't go into details but he does some very unattractive things when drinking.  I hate to see it. 

He got pretty soaked and wanted to go back to bed.  I took him, he got in pretty well.  He is camped out there now. 

His shirt is a total loss but I will help him put on another one for the doctor tomorrow.  That's why he bought me the washer. 

I am happy I don't need to buy dumbbells but I will need to buy some racks for the garage, and put everything on them,before I move forward with anything.  I am happy I have better access to my dumbbells but it cost me a fair amount of space.  I have the Olympic (huge) barbell on my squat rack, I may take it off and put it on the floor by the wall, that will give me more room. 

But for now I'm going to clean near the door of the computer room and see if I can't find that dumbbell handle.  I can't see me getting rid of it.  I just need to locate it. 

I have an old suitcase I kept for Torbie, she likes to scratch on it, and takes a lot of joy in it.  I will empty it out and keep it for her.  It is pretty shredded, I will most likely get rid of it after she dies. 

Hopefully that won't be for a while.  So, Ron is in bed.  Trips made for tomorrow.  I just need to do some organizing.  I think it will help with some of the tension I've had from Ron's behavior all day.   I also need to figure out dinner. 

I am pretty worn out for a day off. 

Monday morning

I slept pretty well but had odd dreams.  Biscuit was also hogging the bed.  Ron has offered to buy me a larger bed but I don't think it would solve the problem. 

I got up, got dressed, drank a lemonade.  Everything I drink is sugar free with very rare exceptions.  Ron got up.  He was very confused talking about our trips for tomorrow.  I found that profoundly disturbing at first but then figured he had just taken a pain pill.  It made me feel better, at any rate.  I helped orient him to the trips we needed. 

A ride to work
A ride to the doctor
We already had a ride home. 

It took a lot of explaining and used up most of my patience, but he called and made the ride to the doctor.  I just spied on his trips, yeah, they are OK. 

When I found myself nearing my breaking point (especially as he started in with the vodka) I went out in the garage.  I wanted to shift my arrangement.  I basically had everything facing south, I shifted it so it faced west. 

It involved moving virtually all my weights, kettlebells, barbells, and weight plates in two sizes, taking a heavy weight plate off my "leg machine", etc.  Then I had to push it into proper position.  I got that.  Then I placed it correctly and then put everything back. 

I moved my olympic (big hole) plate tree and put all my plates on it.  I have plenty for a while.  I organized all my standard plates (more used) and I have plenty.  I am leaning strongly towards getting those "make your own dumbbell" kits where you put the plates on a handle yourself.  And I swept.  It all looks very tidy now but the weight equipment does take up a large amount of room.  I am going to have to get racks and "rack" my other stuff before I have room for ANYTHING. 

I wished I had worn a headband, I lost one of my headbands but I found the ones I like on Amazon, I will likely be buying more today.  I was dripping with sweat. 

I took the floor fan and set it up, plugged it in.  That was nice and refreshing.  I pulled my shirt up so I got a good draft!  [grin]

I went back in the house.  Ron was pretty soaked (drunk).  I later found rice all over the floor so he got into his Chinese food while I was outside.  I coaxed him into going back to bed.  He did a pretty good job of getting into bed but I helped him anyway. 

He told me yesterday he had trouble getting off the toilet (If I had to choose, I would rather difficulty getting off, than on), he couldn't push himself up.  I told him we have a toilet safety frame out in the garage (we do) and I could set it up in minutes.  He said he didn't want that.  He tried to get up from his wheelchair and did OK,said he was 'fine now"

I need to get him on some sort of program so he can keep what he has, at least.  I can only help him so much.  And, as I typed that, he yelled for me. 

I went back and he was mumbling gibberish.  I managed to figure out he wanted something to eat, so I heated up some leftover Chinese food for him.  He is eating it with great relish right now. 

I need to take a shower after all my activity this morning so I will do that, but I'll check on him before I go.  I also fed Biscuit lunch.  He was very cute, but he only started begging when I went near his bowl.  Just in case I hadn't figured out he was hungry.  He is gobbling away right now. 

I have to figure God will give me the strength to take care of Ron, and let me know when it is time to place him.  Of course I wouldn't abandon him once placed, I would make sure it was on a bus line and visit. 

And I have to go back to the question: would I really rather have him more logical and in severe pain?  No, of course not.  If the pain pills make him confused I can live with that.  I just hate to see it, it scares the crap out of me.  No other way to put it. 

So I got him to bed, then I did 30 minutes on the exercise bike.  I like to do some cardio on days I don't train with weights.  I won't be doing much at all tomorrow, running around all day. 

Now I just need to take my shower, dry off, and take a nap.  I will be very busy tomorrow. 

Confused

Ron is so confused today.  It is exhausting and frustrating.

"Enjoy your shower"

I woke up around 7.  I was pretty stiff so I got on the computer, moved around the house for a while before I did my workout. 

Ron went in the kitchen and drank, then went back to bed.  It was pretty ugly pouring him back into bed.  It is a good thing he has a carpet in the bedroom. 

He was hungry so I fixed him some Chinese food, he liked that.  I felt loose enough by this point to try my workout, but I had a problem. 

My exercise bike is pretty much flush against a wall, there's a small gap of about 18 inches.  Baby Girl loves to go into that gap and lie down on the floor.  If I were to pedal the bike, I would hit her in the head. 

So I had to lure her out.  However, I have a secret weapon.  Temptations Shrimpy Shrimp.  I shook the bag and she came to me.  So did Torbie and Biscuit.  It was treatin' time! 

I don't often treat the cats, I leave that to Ron because it is one of the only interactions he can have with them.  He can't look at them and he can barely pet them, can't pick them up, so I let him be the treat guy.  But I needed her to move. 

I gave the girls the shrimp treats, and gave Biscuit his Royal Canin Urinary SO treats.  We are almost to the bottom of the bag on them.  I will need to order more. 

They left me alone after the treating.  I was able to use the bike.  I did my warmup and then did 30 minutes of intervals.  My heart rate was right where it should be.  My legs and back felt fine. 

I did the workout and checked on ron, he did not need anything.  Then I went out in the garage with my notebook (I log all my workouts) a powerade, and a towel.  I prefer the Powerades because they have a stronger flavor.  I am especially fond of the fruit punch. 

I went out in the garage and did deadlifts, then my upper body/back workout.  It had me shaking by the end.  But I did it all (except some of the abs I wanted). 

I staggered back in the house, covered in sweat, my hair dripping, clutching my notebook.  I put the notebook back on the exercise bike and stripped down.  And Ron wanted more food.  I got that for him, then brushed out my sweaty, tangled, hair.  I verified he didn't need anything before I took my shower. 

I did that, washed my hair out and it is nice now.  I can see why I always cut my hair, in the past, when I worked out, it is inconvenient.  But Ron likes it long, and it is easier long than getting it cut all the time, short. 

I came out of the shower, checked on Ron.  He wanted more food and asked me when I was going to take my shower.  I brought him his food and he told me to have a good shower. 

I attribute that to the pain killer.  It can confuse him.  He finally processed I had finished. 

He loves the Chinese food, glad I got what I did for him.  It has all sorts of vegetables in it which is good for him as he never eats them.  It also had mushrooms in it.  Ew.  That is the drawback of being sighted, we can pick the mushrooms out and Ron just eats all of it. 

I got back on the computer for a while and watched some TV, then laid down for a nap.  I had Biscuit and Torbie when I laid down, but only Biscuit when I woke up.  He was adorable and precious and got kisses.  He didn't mind them, either.  He is such a sweet boy, I can't believe someone threw him out and then someone else kicked him in the head.  Just blows my mind when I really think about it.  But he's mine now and very pampered. 

Ron was right to suggest we get the bladder treats, Biscuit really enjoys eating his special treats and I don't have to worry about them making him sick. 

I woke up with a headache but I ran it off with one of my instant drinks.  I got on the computer for a while. 

I am about at the point where I think the next thing I need to do in the garage is get some shelving, NOT another piece of equipment right now.  I can set up the shelf in the middle, then push it against the wall when I am done.  Then I can reorient the fitness equipment I have - I am so sick of going over the weight bench every time I need a dumbbell.  I think I will work on that tomorrow.  I want to turn everything 90 degrees so the squat rack is facing the garage door, the bench is inside that, and free access to the dumbbells.  Worst case if I hate it I can push it back. 

So I'll get that done, then the shelving.  Then measure and see what I want. 

I am thinking ideal would be both a punching bag and an elliptical.  Possible I could squeeze them both in.  I will have to see. 

I am trying to be stingy with the money in my online account but I did have to get groceries.  It is a shame Walmart stopped selling the Diet Mountain Dew but probably a good thing for my health.  I want to keep that money available for something if I want. 

That's just practical.  But I will probably get Biscuit's treats this week because I want to have a good supply of those on hand.  The girls can eat any old crap, Biscuit cannot. 

I am not going through him getting sick again.  I will never forget how surprised they were when I said his symptoms had started 40 minutes ago!  I guess most pet parents wait a while!  Glad I have all the money saved for their checkup, too.  I want to throw another hundred in there but it isn't urgent, and I have until July. 

I am having one problem with the cats.  As you know, I bought padded floor tiles to put on the floor so I can do floor work (abs, etc) on the concrete.  However, the cats have found it to be a delightful scratching experience.  Agh!  It's a good thing I didn't spend a lot of money. 

I'm a little manic from the caffeine but it will probably go away if I eat something.  I'll try that. 

I need to call my Dad in a couple of hours, they asked me to call today instead. 

Not an idiot

Figured out the new database.  That is a huge load off.  That thing sure doesn't like commas!

Saturday

I kept waking up last night, it wasn't Ron.  That was frustrating. 

So I woke up tired today.  I took my shower, got ready for work, got Ron ready.  We went to the warehouse and got our supplies, Jack came and got us, we went to work, put it away, stocked, helping Ron, the usual. 

We had a bit of a wait on our ride but I had put my sunglasses on the back of Ron's wheelchair.  It is hard to find sunglasses to fit over my bifocals but I managed to do it.  They are very handy in the summer when it is generally very bright. 

Houston tends to be pretty gloomy during the winter. 

We went home (straight trip) and I had a protein shake and took my pills, which I had forgotten this morning.  Ron headed for the vodka. 

Once I finished I took a nap.  I had a pretty good quality nap (with Torbie!) but woke up with a headache.  A low-caffeine drink helped with that.  I got on the computer for a while then did stretchy band work for my shoulders.  I use my shoulders a lot at work so I am pretty aggressive in maintaining them.  I also lift weights. 

But today was "off" for cardio and weights, I just did the band, checked on Ron, and then took a walk for about 15 minutes.  I came home and did some stretching work in the garage.  My stability ball is too small for some of the work I wanted to do, but other than that it went well. 

I feel clearer.  I am not going to do yoga but I can see why people might like it. 

I came in the house.  The other day I did something smart.  Powerade comes in a great plastic bottle.  So I filled my empties up with tap water and put them in the fridge.  I used some of that to make lemonade and it was very good and cold.  I made sure to top off the bottle, too. 

The cats are loving their water fountains so I am very glad I got those.  I need to check and see if they need topping off.  I also need to do the litter boxes too. 

Then I need to call my Dad in about half an hour.  I can get all that done. 

Ron gave me some money to get dinner delivered, I am thinking Chinese.  I will pull up the menu and see what they have. 

At some point, I need to check out the new State database for inputting reports.  I can't imagine they made it very difficult, but I need to check it out before the report is due "Didn't you look?"  I don't want to look foolish. 

That's it for now. 

It has to be gray

I didn't do a post for yesterday. 

I skipped my morning workout, went to the bank with Ron and made our deposit.  Then we went through a drive through on the way home in a cab. 

I ate my food at home, took my pills, took a nap.  Pete called, he wants to paint our house.  That would be great.  He asked me what color I wanted, I said I would love purple but it has to be gray.  I can live with gray and the homeowner's association said it was fine. 

So we will see.  I put several Gatorades in the fridge in case he does do it. 

I took a nap.  It always takes me a couple of days to catch up after drama.  I had a pretty good nap but woke up with a headache.  I had a caffeine drink (60 mg) and that helped.  When I felt better I got on the bike and did my workout.   I wanted "longer" than 30 minutes but didn't feel up to 45 (ideally that will be my max workout), so I did 35.  No shame in working my way up.  It reminded me of some of the "long runs" I used to take. 

I got off the bike and got ready for my grocery delivery.  She came right on time and was very nice. They are all super nice and professional, I really like seeing them.  She was thrilled with her cash tip.  We got everything in the garage and she warned me I had some cold items.  Then she left.  I put everything away. 

They subbed strawberry yogurt for lemon, and plain kefir for blueberry.  I can live with that, it's a holiday weekend.  "Oh, let's get some kefir for the BBQ!"  [snort]

I got my kindle out and started reading, I had just charged it.  It demanded another charge.  So the battery is going.  I have had it for several years.  It was actually a gift from my aunt after my old Kindle died.  For now, I am just reading with it plugged in. 

I did some looking, the new kindle has a light built in, that's nice.  I don't care about dots per inch, what I have is fine, and the basic model has the same features, but also a light.  More storage too.  It's about $100. 

So I have various priorities:
Get shelving for garage (about $100 each)
Get cardio thing for garage ($200+)
Get Kindle (about $100) 

Not necessarily in order but I will need to do some hard thinking about what comes first.  I should also get an eye exam pretty soon and a new pair of glasses, these are pretty old.  America's Best (not far from the house) say they can do that for $100, 2 new bifocals with a line and an exam.  I should probably do that first, then shelving, Kindle, and then cardio thing. 

Hopefully I will have a better idea what sort of cardio thing I want.  I keep coming back to an elliptical. 

Thursday at work

Not sure where I left off.  I did my workout, took a shower, got Ron dressed.  We went to work, it was not a driver I like, he was not very skilled either.  I was happy to escape the vehicle. 

2 Televisions were blaring at a very high volume when we went into our area.  Ron was overwhelmed.  I saw the "lady" who tried to sabotage our vending machine - she enjoys picking fights, watching one of the TV's.  I knew we would have trouble if I tried to turn "her" TV down. 

I compromised by putting Ron in the hall.  It is quiet there and he worked on his phone, doing what I don't know, but he stayed occupied.  In the meantime I went back into our area and did all the work, mine and his. 

It had to be done.  There was no one else to fill it.  Ron shirked today, that's on him, he answers to God for that.  In the meantime I took care of business.  It did not take me long.  1.  Not a lot of inventory and 2.  Sales were pretty low considering. 

I did it all and reported back to Ron as I finished major tasks.  It took a while, but I have had to learn how to separate work and personal life.  Yes, he was an asshole all night.  Yes, he should have been working, the TV wasn't that bad.  He refused to work even after I turned them down.  But that's on him.  He went to work and shirked, I went to work and did above and beyond.  I have to answer to myself, and to God, and like some have said my name is on nothing but it's my business too. 

So I'm glad I did that.  When I finished everything (hours early) Ron cancelled our ride home and called a cab.  We went out and he was there in 10 minutes, home in less than half an hour.  I was pretty exhausted but I had a yogurt and some milk. 

Ron took the money and began counting it.  He was very slow but determined.  I laid down for a nap with Torbie (after feeding everyone).  We had a good nap but I woke up with a headache.  Considering my stress level and sleep deprivation, I was not surprised.  I had a cold caffeine drink (still at only 260 mg out of 450 max today, yesterday I went way over).  It is doing a little better. 

Ron worked the whole time I slept.  He had called the dentist and made an appointment for Wednesday.  So far we have a Ron medical appointment every off day next week.  I had better enjoy tomorrow off.   He counted most of it, is still at it.  I believe he plans to go to the bank tomorrow. 

So that off day isn't, really. 

I feel pretty well rested from the nap and energized from the caffeine, but not too much. I plan to take a short walk later when my headache crawls off. 

Ron ate his chalupa when we got home so he probably won't want to eat dinner.  I have some interesting TV dinners in the freezer, I will probably try the fajita bowl.  I also have plenty of yogurt and a little over a gallon of milk. 

Since we will be running next week, I plan to get a food delivery tomorrow afternoon.  I will be busy. 

I am really glad I took yesterday off. 

3 blackouts and up at 3 am.

It was a bad night, Ron had 3 blackouts.  He would get very drunk, act up, go to bed, sober up, get drunk again, repeat.  Unfortunately he can get himself to his vodka. 

I slept very little.  At one point, right before I woke up, I had a strange dream about Ron, my primary abuser, a rabbit, Biscuit the cat, a second floor residence, and a team of paramedics.  I was actually happy when the alarm went off.  Biscuit had been injured in the dream so I was happy to see him hogging the bed when I woke up. 

Of course, once I got up "hog" went into operation begging for food, which I gave to everyone.  Biscuit and Torbie slept with me.  At one point one of the cats started to vomit in the bed, I moved Torbie but I couldn't get Biscuit to budge.  The bed stayed dry at any rate.  I then felt horrible for moving Torbie, just having an awful night but I felt bad because I pushed my cat out of bed. 

My wakeup went pretty well, I fed the cats first, of course, and then hunted down some workout clothes.  I wanted to wear my new bike shorts but they were still damp.  I settled for the old baggy, faithful, cotton knit shorts.

I drank some electrolyte mix and did 10 minutes on the bike to warm up, then I went out into the garage and did Kettlebells.  It was a good workout.  I only did 2 moves but all my books assure me these 2 moves work the whole body.  I did a lot of squatting, that went OK.  I have a bad knee but the joint itself is pretty strong, it's just the tissue on the back of the kneecap. 

I was out there for about 15 minutes, I was gasping for breath when I finished and I had taken breaks!  I was so happy to be done but it's a good workout.  We will see how I feel tomorrow. 

I was looking at my empty spot wondering if an elliptical or punching bag would look better in that spot.  Not sure just yet.  I don't want to leap and then have regrets, not use it, etc.  I would rather cycle through a few manias and depressions first and see if something sticks out. 

I may also reorient the garage.  Currently the weight bench and rack block the end, going across.  If I have them run parallel to the wall, that may work better.  And that will change my available room as well so I would need to do that before any purchase. 

If nothing else my delay gives me time to save more money. 

Ron woke up, wanted to get dressed even though our pickup is hours away.  I went ahead and helped him, remembering the Bible verse about doing good to those who persecute you.  I gave him back his cell phone (I found it on the floor around midnight), so he can charge it, use it to check our trips, etc. 

Once I finished that I used the bathroom and then had some breakfast.  I had an Ensure Max Protein mixed berries shake.  I was feeling daring and willing to try something new.  It was a very refreshing change from my vanilla, I like it.  It remains to be seen if the medication and the shake are compatible.  Worst case I will have a glass of milk if they aren't. 

So I already have 30 g protein (I aim for at least 60), did my workout, helped Ron, had breakfast, used the bathroom, fed the cats, even did the stretchy band exercises for my shoulders.  I have somewhere around 2 hours to get ready for work. 

I got up early because last time I did not have enough time to get ready for work, and was very rushed.  I didn't want that today of all days.  A kettlebell workout does not take very long, though.  At least he one I did, but I feel worked and I've got those endorphins going. 

I was thinking while I was on the toilet about "the drunk feeling".  Obviously Ron likes it.  I drank some before my diagnosis but very little overall.  I might have one beer out of a 6 pack and Ron drank the rest.  One time I had a bottle of ginger brandy for years.  I used it "medicinal" for cramps or upset stomach until Ron got into it one day, gagging, and finished the whole bottle.  It was one of those little bottles, about 10 ounces or so. 

I thought about "feeling drunk" and was overcome with an immediate feeling of revulsion.  It's something I don't want for myself, because I was drunk so much of my gestation.  I literally spent my first 9 months drunk off my ass, every day and night.  I really didn't sober up until I was born. 

I like being sober.  I enjoy the feeling after a good workout, or a sugar rush, but that's about it.  I am not interested in the rest. 

That's one reason I find alcoholics so baffling.  They crave that feeling.  Will do anything for it.  Allow themselves to act like fools, women get raped, etc. just for that feeling. 

NOT worth it!  I have never met a person improved by alcohol.  Exception might be my uncle, he has a little red wine now and then for stroke prevention purposes and is fine with very modest amounts. 

One time I bought a protein shot at the store.  It was liquid protein in a large vial.  I broke the seal and drank it, and it was indescribably awful.  I looked around frantically trying to rid myself of the taste.  Ron was drinking a vodka and I grabbed it from him, spit out the protein, took a big chug of the vodka, swished it around, and spat it out.  Ron freaked out when he realized I had put alcohol in my mouth, he was screaming at me to stop and grabbed the bottle away.  It was pretty funny.  But the man is terrified I will become an alcoholic. 

I wouldn't give anyone that satisfaction.  Even assuming it didn't mess with my medication (it does interact).   All the odds say I will become a drunk.  I plan to beat them. 

I am happy with a workout now and then, and an occasional sugary treat.  That is all I require. 

I had better go do my shower. 

The rest of Wednesday

I took my shower and talked to my aunt.  We will be meeting for lunch next week (Ron, me, and her).  It should be fun. 

I dressed in a black bra and pink performance shirt, the kind that don't get all heavy with sweat when you are outside in the heat.  I checked myself in the mirror, though.  The pink shirt was thick but you could still see the bra underneath.  I discarded it and got a purple t-shirt instead.  I bought a 6 pack of them a few years ago for summer wear.  They have done pretty well and I would love to get more if they made a pocket t. 

I got dressed and headed out.  I had an uneventful walk to the bus stop, that "bad dog" is still on my route but they fixed the fence and I believe put it on a chain so it will stop breaking the fence.  They are renting the house and it has been my experience, in the subdivision, renters are lower-class than owners.  Hence the big macho aggressive dog.  It is not necessary here, it is very quiet with very low crime.  Besides, how can the dog "protect" your home if it is locked up in the backyard?  Someone can go in through the front and do whatever they want. 

I got to the bus stop.  It is by a wooded lot and the pine trees smelled glorious.  It was warm, sunny, and windy.  I wore my sunglasses with did keep the headache away for quite a while.  When they redid the routes a few years back, they cut some of the service to my area but I still get pretty good service.  I waited about 15 minutes. 

My local bus came, I boarded.  I was going to the end of the line, at the transit center.  I always find it amusing, without fail someone ALWAYS rings the bell for the last stop, like the driver is going to pass it up!  I got off and found my bus stop.  They have a row of bus stops, I had to find the correct one.  I didn't want to end up downtown! 

I found it and waited, standing up.  It was closer to the bus.  Everyone was on their cell phones (on the bus, too, except the driver :p).  I preferred to keep my attention on my surroundings.  The transit center - every transit center I've waited at - can be a little rough at times. 

It's funny, about 5 years ago I filled out multiple surveys for the bus company and that is one thing I requested again and again, that they connect these 2 bus lines.  And they did! 

Nice to be heard. 

I boarded.  The meter had been broken on my first bus but the second one worked fine.  My card has read at about $30 for a while now, I can only assume I am getting some free rides.  I do get some, every number of trips I get 5 free days.  I think I am in that. 

I was riding basically to the end of the line.  I should have sat in a forward facing seat but I did not.  Since I am disabled, I sat up front, the sideways facing seats where I had to turn my head to look out the front.  No one with an apparent disability, or an elderly person, needed my seat, or I'd have given it to them. 

I rode for about an hour.  It was pretty uneventful except for one woman we picked up near the mall, she had a couple of bags and spread out in the front, over 3 seats of "elderly and disabled" seating.  She did not appear to be disabled.  When an old lady asked her to move her bag she got a massive attitude.  She was white. 

Most people texted or played on their phones as they rode.  I looked around.  We passed 2 Waffle Houses, 2 malls, a park and ride, numerous car dealerships, countless fast food places, etc.  It was an interesting ride.  I talked to Ron for a little bit at one point, I sent him a text, he texted me back, I was NOT going to bounce on the bus (always a rough ride) trying to text.  No way.  I just called him and we talked for a few minutes. 

I got off at my stop and walked a few hundred yards to Academy Sports.  I was looking for a couple of things, and Ron had given me money. 

I walked over to the kettlebells..  I was hoping for something black, in a 5# weight.  I have a pink one at home but it is so girly, it is hard to feel serious using it.  But they start at 10.  If I want to use a 5 I had better get used to the pink! 

Then I looked at various cardio options.  I had measured my best free spot, it was about 5 feet by 3 and a half.  That eliminated 95% of the options, including the heavy bag (punching) stand.  I could get one of two ellipticals.  The prices were pretty reasonable for a piece of cardio equipment but I am just not a fan of ellipticals.  But they had 2 that would work.  That is good to know. 

So it looks like I will be getting the freestanding punching bag I have been eyeing.  It has mixed reviews but I can at least give it a shot. 

I finally found where they "hid" the olympic weight plates.  I have been needing some so that was great to find them.  I started shoveling them in the cart, I got some 5 pounders and some 2.5.  I looked around at the other fitness supplies, they had a lot of bands but I don't really need that.  I already have a stability/ab ball in a lovely shade of purple.  But they did have some punching gloves.  I got the "Brave" kind, they basically are a glove with padding on the knuckles and cut off fingers.  I liked them, tried them on.  I got the L/XL because I have larger hands. 

I looked again for the "Unique" headbands.  I have a few and I LOVE them.  They used to sell them but I checked, they do not any more. 

So I had plates and gloves.  I had seen plus sized exercise/fitness apparel online so I knew they had it.  I had not seen it the other 2 times because I was with other people who were not in a lingering mood.  This time, though, I'm by myself so I could take ALL the time. 

I found their plus sized department, everything in one section.  They had 1-3 X.  I figured I would start at 3 and work my way down if needed.  I really hoped I was not a 4 X. 

I found some really cute stuff.  I did a style inventory many years ago and my style is sporty/romantic.  So sporty stuff like this is perfect for my style.  Besides, I want to feel good when I work out.  I am doing it a lot, I might as well have a few clothes options. 

I know the store brand is very good, I had a ton of their stuff back after Ron's accident and for some years after.  So I know it won't fall apart in the wash. 

I didn't want long leggings but I have been wanting bike shorts.  I found a cute pair, I put them into the cart.  I found some running shorts with a cute crisscross detail.  Into the cart.  And a fitness top to pair with either. 

The 3X were too large.  That was a happy moment.  I got everything in a 2X.  The top, in particular, just swam on me in a 3X.  The bike shorts were a little tight but that is sort of the idea.  Besides, I won't be wearing them in public, just in my house and garage.  The baggy knit shorts - my former attire, get hung up on the equipment and flap around.  They don't breathe, either.  These were very nice and VERY reasonable prices. 

The crisscross shorts made my butt look HUGE so I got a plain black with some interesting monochromatic stitching

I didn't like the sport bra styles and most of them were name brands and name brand prices.  I just couldn't justify that.  I don't know about you, but those one piece seamless bras tend to get stuck, wrapped around my head, when I am taking them off or putting them on, I feel suffocated and have a panic attack.  Just not something I want. 

And, guess what, I am working out AT HOME.  I don't HAVE to wear a bra.  Yay, me. 

I was happy.  I wanted a backpack, they have some really cute mesh ones but all I found were, again, name brands.  I like the store brand.  I will have to wait until we are closer to back to school before I go backpack shopping.  I want something, dark, neutral gray/black I can wear out on the bus.  Nearly every person riding the bus, you will find, has a backpack.  I don't want anything that stands out too much, just something to hold my junk (and my waterproof New Testament).   So I didn't get a backpack. 

Then I had to pee and hunted all over the store before I found the bathroom.  I had to ask a lady in the guns department.  It was weird being around all the guns and I can't own one (legally not allowed due to being crazy).  I did have my stun gun in my pocket, per my local police that is fine for me. 

Better than nothing! 

Then the hunt for a Diet Dr Pepper,  but I was disappointed.  I settled for a Coke Zero.  Not bad but I don't really get excited about them. 

Then I paid.  It wasn't cheap but I had a lot of fun and all I bought will build my health.  I thought that was important.  I didn't get that much either, 3 clothes, some weight plates (and I have a holder for them), and the gloves.  The soda would be gone by 5 PM. 

I had thought about going to the restaurant in the parking lot but I had 20 pounds of weight plates.  I decided that was not something I wanted to lug around.  I was glad I bought them.  I remembered there is a Taco Bell on the way home.  I called Arturo first, he said he would be about 20 minutes.  Turns out the customer he had played "Hey, boy!" with him for another 30 minutes, THEN he had to get to me, so I had a long wait.  But it is worth it.  He is worth it.  I don't hold stuff like that against a driver who is doing his best. 

I called Ron and Ron said he wanted a chalupa.  That's what I was thinking of.  I drank my soda and stood there, thinking it is not always walking that hurts your feet.  My feet were fine and happy but I was glad I had only walked about a mile to that point. 

I saw a lot of customers come and go..  Many of them were obese.  Most of them were buying shoes.  One male nurse had waist length hair I thought was a little much.  I don't mind a guy with longer hair but down to his waist?  Is he a man?   Doesn't look like one.  I just don't like the look of a man with hair longer than his shoulders. 

Ron likes me with long hair and I hate having to get short hair cut, all the time, so I have mine long.  It was blowing in the wind.  Next time I might put it up before I got ride the bus. 

Arturo came after a long wait, but as I said I didn't blame him.  He is in a service job and the other guy wanted a LOT of service.  He was here now, that's all that mattered. 

The difference between Arturo and the guy yesterday, the guy yesterday has a schedule to keep, I have caught him pulled over gossiping on his phone when he was supposed to be picking us up, or getting snacks when he was supposed to get us (yesterday).   Arturo would never do either.  He would make a good paratransit driver not that I would curse him like that. 

We went through the drive through at Taco Bell.  It was still pretty busy at 1:30, but they got our food pretty quick.  We went home.  I called Ron to open the garage door (I had left my remote at home) but he didn't answer.  I had to take everything in through the front door and then back out into the garage (the weight plates).  And Ron was VERY drunk. 

I hate coming home to that.  If it weren't for the cats I would have wanted to turn around and go out again.  I stayed.  Ron said he wanted one of his Chalupas.  I gave it to him and he kept dropping it on the floor.  I finally had to hold it for him so he could eat.  Once he got about halfway through he seemed to remember how to eat again and finished it with only one more drop on the floor. 

I ate my food and took my pills.  My headache was back, not a surprise.   I laid down for a nap and got Torbie and Biscuit..  They are very faithful friends.  I slept pretty well considering and got up with a continued headache.  I didn't want to, but I took another dose of my painkillers (Excedrin).  That puts me way over the limit for caffeine usage today. 

But the headache is gone. 

Ron woke up, couldn't find his phone, I found it for him.  He said he had "tried to have a quiet blackout".  He has this myth in his head there is a thing known as a "quiet blackout" where he doesn't have any pain, is well behaved, does not endanger himself or his stuff. 

He is currently screaming invective at me because I told him.  There.  Is.  No.  Such.  Thing.  As.  A.  Quiet.  Blackout.  I said it very calmly. 

He got very upset at me for saying that, but it's true.  Blackouts, by their nature, are messy, obnoxious, dangerous to him.  He does not experience any pain relief, I hear him yelling and moaning in pain.  And he uses them to play games. 

I don't know when he broke his tooth but it was at least DAYS ago.  Today he asked me to close the multi tool because he was "looking to file his tooth down".  I told him that was a really bad idea and I would not help.  Later on he said his tooth hurt a lot.  I asked him if he had called the dentist.  He said no.  I gave him the number, but by the time he called he was so drunk they hung up on him (it was after hours anyway). 

Then he got obsessed I "had to tell him what he did to me during the blackout he had this afternoon".  I said he was not verbally abusive but he was obnoxious, embarrassing, and I worried about him hurting himself.  Then he started raving about me "using my logic" and verbally abusing me. 

I tried to take him back to his room (away from the alcohol) but he refused.  "His tooth hurts" which is apparently a free pass to as many blackouts as he'd like.  And I'm not supposed to complain because he is a poor, sick, man.  He actually got MORE upset when I DIDN'T complain. 

It is exhausting.  And I'm thinking "Why did I come home?  Home is supposed to be a good place, a refuge from the world"  right now "home" is worse than anything out there.  I mean, I have the cats, I have my stuff (not much of that) but I also have an alcoholic and all the games/drama that entails. 

It's almost 7.  I need to go to bed pretty soon (around 7-8).  I am upset.  I am over caffeinated.  I am doubtful I will drop off easily.  Ron is still in the kitchen drinking straight from the bottle.  His hand is apparently doing better. 

Ugh.  Next time, I will stay out longer. 

And Ron fell on the floor, he didn't want help getting into bed.  I will see if I can help him but I may just leave him on the floor. 

I tried to help, but he is not complaint, so I left him after shouting "Why can't I get a sober husband?" 

Wednesday morning

I slept OK but woke up with a vicious headache.  I took 2 Excedrin (200 mg caffeine) and had an energy drink (60 mg caffeine).  I have 2 diet Dr Peppers in the fridge (120 mg caffine total). 

My headache is better but my head still feels tight and achy.  I am not sure what triggered this one.  It could be hormonal. 

On the one hand, I will be glad when I am at the end of all this hormonal foolishness, on the other I hear bad changes happen at menopause.  So I just endure. 

I need to learn a lesson about checking my email late at night, I got an email from the state, they are changing their whole database program and I have a week to learn it.  It didn't sound too difficult in the training manual but still!  I hate learning new things! 

They have a test page so I will try that out TOMORROW, when I am  WORKING.  Not today, which is my DAY OFF.  I plan to go out and have fun once I feel a little better.  A hot shower is on the schedule. 

I woke up to find Ron eating chicken at 6 in the morning - our "neighbor" in #6 decided he would do some noisy yard work then.  What a nice guy!  I notice he is back to leaving the generator in the back of his truck, he did that about 10 years ago and it got stolen.  He blamed me for that because I couldn't tell him the exact time they made noise, robbing him.  When he saw our house getting robbed years later he turned his back and did not even call 911. 

Power tools + headache did not make for a good start, especially since the dog was yapping too.  He stopped once I was up and went off to work his cash jobs so he can keep getting welfare. 

Ron told me he had a great solution to the jagged tooth problem (due to the broken tooth).  He found some Starburst candy and formed that over the injury, making it soft and comfortable for his mouth.  I would have never thought to do that.  He plans to call the dentist when they open and schedule something ASAP.  It is awful when you can't chew.  You may recall I had a broken filling/tooth issue a few months ago and it sucked.  Happily, Doc was able to fix THAT problem for $100.  Let's hope Ron is as cheap.  He is reading a book in bed right now. 

Ron spends pretty much all his time at home, in bed.  I am hoping to roll him out to the garage once I get my punching bag, and set him up in front of it with some gloves on, let him whale away at it.  I think it would be great for his stress level, muscles, and cardio development.  I will at least try to do it.  There are very few things Ron can do with his current problems.  But he can hit a bag. 

Anyway, I am feeling better so I will head into the shower.  After I get dressed (I am not doing abs today because my head hates them) I will grab my Diet Dr's and head out the door.  It should be relatively cool right now so no worries about overheating.  I will be riding the bus for a while but that is OK.  Ron ought to be fine by himself for a few hours. 

There should not be a tremendous amount of walking, based on how I planned it.  But Ron did give me money to take a cab home/buy stuff if I want.  Overall Ron is pretty generous with cash.  I think he is just happy I did not ask him to go on paratransit.  Our trip yesterday was so awful I wouldn't do that to him. 

Anyway, I had better get started. 

Well, that was exhausting

We had a pickup to go to the chicken place not far from the house.  The closest chicken place has some issues, so we go to one a little farther away.  I called half an hour before the pickup, the driver was on time.  I helped Ron get ready, he wanted to wait outside and it was nice so I took him out. 

The driver was late.  "I bet it is C." Ron said.  He is the driver who is always late, very obese.  He showed up 20 minutes late, full of excuses "They made him go across town". 

BS.  I called, he was on time an hour ago.  There was not enough time for the trip he described in the time since I called.  Ron called BS on his excuses and reminded the guy none of our other drivers has this problem.  He came back with more excuses how half a dozen dispatchers are (persecuting) him because he married another driver and they are envious of his happy marriage. 

Most of my drivers are married or in steady relationships, I knew it wasn't that.  I opened the door to sit down, once I got Ron shoved in the cab.  "Oh, wait" he says and comes around, moves a HUGE bag of snacks with cold drinks off my seat and stuffs them in the center console.  That's it.  He was on time, and decided to take a little break, get some snackies and eat some, before he got us.  The man is well over 400 pounds.  The last thing he needs is a snack. 

We had a straight trip to the restaurant.  Ron was already fairly pissed and would have had no problem calling in a complaint on him.  He didn't play the "Oh, did I miss your turn?" game he likes to do, either. 

We get to the restaurant.  There is no wheelchair ramp, they moved it down the parking strip.  I push Ron over there and there is a silver car blocking the ramp.  Some strung-out white guy on crutches standing there blocking our path.  Ron asks "What's the holdup?" and I told him someone was blocking our way.  Ron demanded he move and the guy got into his car, slowly.  Then they turned on the car (a driver, plus crutches) and idled it while we waited for them to move.  I waited a good minute.  They were talking, and looking back at us now and then.  Apparently going to "punish" us for asking them to move. 

I said f*ck it and pushed the wheelchair right next to the car.  I could have easily scraped the paint, I was that close.  I could see the driver flopping around in indignation and I said "YOU SHOULD HAVE MOVED" loud enough for them to hear.  We got on the curb and went into the restaurant.  The driver went running in front of us to get in line before us.  I thought that was very rude. 

Their food delivery had just arrived, and they only had 2 staff to check it in, cook food, ring orders, and manage the drive-through.  It is understandable they were a little slow.  I had empathy, I have been behind that metaphorical counter getting ugly customers and abuse. 

Sure enough, the driver starts up with abuse, shouting at the staff, demanding to see the manager, demanding "free food ha ha", etc.  Just being a total jerk.  You can really tell a LOT about a person by the way they treat a service provider.  He kept having tantrums.  At one point, Ron said  "It's going to make her go slower" during one of the tantrums.  The driver stopped, said "What?" Ron repeated himself, and the driver somewhat behaved until he got to the counter. 

Ron and I call them shoe polishers, very demanding customers.  Happily I don't get many in the vending business but it is ugly to watch.  Sure enough, there he went. 

He wouldn't even move after the transaction was completed, inspecting his food and continuing to heckle the staff.  I finally said "Excuse me" and shoved Ron up his butt!  Not sorry! 

He had to move after that.  We placed our order.  I could see they only had a few pieces of chicken left, a few original, a few spicy.  I asked Ron if he wanted to get one (2 piece) special of each, or just one special of original.  The driver interrupted DEMANDING they fix us "fresh chicken".  We didn't have much time due to him being late. so I said that was fine, as Ron replied he would like one of each. 

By that time she had it all packaged and asked me how many biscuits I wanted.  Somehow she made 3 biscuits and two specials equal $5, a very good deal in my book.  I thanked her sincerely and sat Ron at a table (pushed his chair up to the table edge).  I went in the gas station side and got some drinks.

I am thinking of going out and running some errands tomorrow.  But I wanted some soda for the trip, plus some soda for today.  I managed to get that and some small bags of chips.  I went back to Ron, who was about done murdering his first drumstick.  Ron leaves very little on that bone. 

We hung out until the pickup time, went out and boarded the vehicle.  The driver had a bunch of bitter complaints but I notice he didn't complain about the food.  He drove so carelessly Ron actually said "You're eating, aren't you?  Please stop and focus on your driving." 

He actually had the balls so say "No, I'm not, Mr Ron" as he put the drumstick back into the bag.  He drove better after that.  We went all the way over by work to pick up a woman from "work". 

She admitted she was not supposed to leave for another hour.  She and the driver came from the same hometown (not Houston) so they talked about that.  He asked her about her boyfriend, who had died.  The driver was all freaked out by that (didn't know the boyfriend) and I said "Everyone's going to die, and no one knows when" something like that, which freaked him out even more.  He started weaving all over the road again looking for a water bottle, while on the Beltway (speeds well above 80 MPH). 

The driver took the slow road, as slow as he could, talking to her.  I told Ron later, "She was not obese, not ugly, reasonably young, reasonably attractive" so he was VERY interested in everything she had to say.  He watched her walk away and made a comment about her gait.  This is the "happily" married driver.  I was pretty disgusted, he is apparently a horn dog in addition to everything else.  Good thing I am always with Ron. 

We finally got home.  I unloaded Ron and got him in the house.  He cried for help from his room, I ran back there.  Biscuit was on the bed next to Ron, begging for treats. 

Oh, that kind of emergency.  I am actually OK with this.  I got Biscuit's special treats and gave him a few.  Then the girls wanted treats.  I treated them.  THEN everyone wanted to eat so I fed them.  I had some old, stale (I imagine, I didn't sample it) food in the girls' bowls.  I threw that out and got all new fresh stuff.  That accomplished, I took out the trash and recycle. 

I had a wire metal rack in the garage.  It was improperly installed by the previous homeowner and fell on the floor, breaking some of the brackets.  I put it out by the curb, laying in the grass, but for a change no one has picked it up.  I propped it up between my two cans, standing up.  Maybe it will get a taker that way.  I don't know what I'll do if the trash pickers or garbage man don't take it, prop it up against the fence in the backyard I suppose.  I don't have many really large items like that. 

I like the mat in the garage, it defines the area.  The cats have been clawing on it, I saw the marks, so I am not sure how long it will last.  But it looks good now.  It is easily moved around to accommodate my work. 

I am going to measure my free spot in the garage and then figure out what can fit there.  I know if I get something that requires an installation I will be hiring someone to do it.  I am not messing around with 30 bolts and strange little connectors that make no sense.  Nope.  I would rather pay and avoid all the stress.  I will wait and save up for this if necessary. 

It is hot out, I can tell because the air conditioner is running.  I don't think we will have a $50 bill this month.  But it does a good job and is cool enough. 

I did not get a nap today (and no headache) so I plan to go to bed early, get up early, run my errand.  It will do me good to get out of the house for a while.  I don't plan to buy anything, just look. 

I won't be doing a formal workout, just out walking which will be exercise enough for an "off" day.  And only 200 mg of caffeine ingested which is less than half my doctor's recommendation. 

2 in one photo

Biscuit, and my new flooring.  My mom says she can see Biscuit slimming down.  Not so sure about that. 

But here it is:

It is a good width for me do do my work, I was a little curious about that but so far OK.  I did planks, situps, pushups (well, my version) and it did well.  I didn't think "I am lying on a concrete floor."

Off to get a protein shake and a shower. 

Tuesday morning

Last night I heard the dog next door playing with a tin can in her yard and barking.  I think it's because she saw me waiting in my driveway, for my Walmart Delivery (love them!).  I was worried I would hear it all night but I did not.  She made some noise moving around near my bedroom, but they were outside in their side yard picking up and rearranging, this morning.  No can noise.  No barking.  I was OK with that but I did have a horrible vision of the dog chewing on my siding.  Don't buy a house with a zero property line.  Terrible idea.  I would not do it again. 

Anyway, like I said they were making some noise this morning "picking up" for lack of a better term.  Hopefully throwing away the can.  I decided to get up, it was a little after 7.  I had a moderate headache.  I got up and had one of my "60 mg caffeine" energy drinks.  Ron was up so I talked to him.  I kissed him on top of his head but it was sweaty.  Eww. 

He was drinking in the kitchen.  He told me he had something to tell me but I would be mad at him.  I made a joke about getting my stun gun before he went any further.  I did not, of course.  He continued.  He reminded me how he frequently opens a bottle of soda by holding it between his back teeth and then twisting the bottle with his hand.  How I have told him "Don't do that, you'll break a tooth". 

I could see where this was going.  He said he had been very drunk the other night and wanted "a pineapple (soda)".  He forgot about the vice grips and used his teeth to open the bottle, but he broke a molar doing it. 

I told him so.  I then asked if it was the same tooth he told me about last night, or whether he had 2 broken teeth.  He said just the one, but it was a molar.  Well, crap. 

He wondered how much it would cost.  Over a thousand if he needs a crown, I told him.  Maybe $100 if they can make it a big filling.  He wasn't happy to hear it.  He was complaining it was sharp.  I told him mine had been before I got it fixed.  Happily he did mine for $100.  It has some sensitivity but I will take that over the cost of a crown/root canal.  I didn't tell him about the sensitivity issue. 

I need to scrape up some motivation to do my workout.  I want to do abs in the garage and then do intervals on the bike.  I'm just feeling pretty sluggish today.  But my workout is not going to do itself.

I had better make it a good workout if I want to eat some biscuits later. 

Monday afternoon

So, my day, got up at 3:30, did my workout, shower, dressed, got Ron dressed (he is needing more help with that lately), off to work. 

Our first driver was a JW and Ron inadvertently got her spouting their beliefs all the way to work.  [sigh, rolleyes]  NOT how I wanted to start my day.  I was dying to tell her Ron has gotten multiple blood transfusions. 

Work was pretty uneventful except the incident I mentioned in another post.  I helped Ron stock and did my work. We came home and I had a glass of milk, took a nap. 

Biscuit slept with me.  It helps the foot of my bed is under the best A/C vent in the house.  The cats enjoy laying there.  We had a good nap but I woke up with a headache.  I am out of Diet Mountain Dew so I had one of my "60 mg caffeine" energy drinks.  That helped. 

I got on the computer for a while, took out some trash, Biscuit got in my lap, I gave him treats, Ron got up and went in the kitchen.  We had the discussion I mention in the other post.  He mentioned he broke a tooth, or a filling fell out (facepalm).  How much will it cost?  Thank God I put him on my discount plan.  He is paying for that himself, to be completely clear.  And it will have to wait until after we renew our insurance.  He didn't say anything about it hurting, just that it was jagged, it sounded like when my filling fell out.  Hopefully it will ALSO be a $100 fix.  That would be best case. 

Then he went back to bed after treating the girls.  He is kind of surly right now.  He is allowed but it doesn't make me want to spend time with him.  And he called me mean!  I will just avoid him for a while.  I am completely able to keep myself occupied. 

I am hoping I get my floor tiles today.  The post office lied and said they delivered them Saturday, they did not.  I did get some towels delivered Saturday and they are fine, so I think if they had come they would have stayed on the porch like the towels.  However, this has happened a few times and I got my item a day or two later, I am hoping that happens in this case. 

I had a very good workout this morning and am really looking forward to getting some color and padding out there.  I almost fell off my bench during my last upper body workout.  It would be nice to know I won't split my head open if I do.  I would also like to do abs on the floor.  I am very wobbly on the stability ball so some backup padding would be great, I won't worry about falling. 

But that is all dependent on the post office.  I am really disappointed they lied. 

Ron, when he was in a better mood, said he wanted chicken tomorrow.  They have "$1" chicken specials (actually more than $1 but not much) all over town.  He likes Church's.  So we have that on the agenda for tomorrow.  We are going around lunchtime so I can do my workout and shower in the morning, go get some biscuits (they have really good biscuits) and burn it off because I worked out.  I might even get some chicken strips if we have the time.  That will take up tomorrow.  I would like to get out in the garage and do some more purging. 

Wednesday is garbage day but I don't have a whole lot.  I do have a fair amount of recycles so I will put them out.  I try to recycle when I can but I don't obsess over it.  If I am depressed and drinking a plastic bottle of soda, it is probably going in the trash.  But if my mood is better I will take the trouble to recycle it. 

I would like to get out on Wednesday but we will see.  It is going to be nice on Wednesday, so I can get out.  I am thinking about taking 2 buses to the sporting goods store, and then 2 buses home.  I don't think I will actually have a tremendous amount of walking out of that, either.  It's just a thought right now. 

Ron can use the time by himself. 

Oh, my fitness tracker, 106 "move minutes" (goal is 70), 39 cardio minutes (goal is 35).  I walked a little over a mile and a half. 

That's it for now. 

A fight with Ron

The inciting incident happened at work. 

As you know, some people don't go to work to work, they go to play games, especially with service providers.  They're the blind date who treats the waitress like crap, running her around and making unreasonable demands.  Unfortunately, it is impossible to avoid them. 

Now it is known at work we "have change".  I take $1 bills out of the vending machine and exchange them for larger bills, up to a $20.  Like Ron said, even God doesn't get change for a $50. 

Now probably 99% of the people who come to me for change are not playing games.  Most of them, however, walk out of our area and give the money to the other vendor.  I still make change. 

Today a woman came up to me as I was stocking, asked if I had "Change for a $20".  Showed me the bill.  I took the money out of the machine.  She said "I don't want to take all your money".  I said it wasn't ALL the money, and I had already taken it out. 

She said "I don't want that" as I was counting out 20, $1 bills.  I asked her what she meant.  "I don't want all those $1 bills.  Don't you have anything larger?" 

What am I, a bank?  I carry around a till in my fanny pack because I have nothing better to do?  I am there to sell food, I am not your personal banking center.  They have a credit union for their banking needs.  

I told her all I had were $1 bills, and if she wanted custom change she should go to the credit union (a long walk).  She said she didn't want to do that and looked at the $1 bills as I managed to shove them into my pocket.  Once I take them out of the machine, they cannot go back in, I am forced to carry them. 

This has happened before, some "special handling", [edit] customers demand custom change, and decide one dollar bills aren't good enough for them.  Some people have the temerity to come and get change from me so they can sell food out of a cart right in front of my vending machines. 

Ron brought it up this afternoon, at home.  I told him I am going to have a new policy:
"I want change for a $20"
"All I have are $1 bills, do you still want it?" before I open the machine.  Then they can decide a lowly $1 isn't good enough for them and go somewhere else. 

I think it is a very reasonable policy.  If they object I will refer them to the credit union.  It's there for their banking.  That is not my job.  What's next, cashing checks?  Money orders?  [rolleyes]

I will give them $1's but that's it, because, like I said, the majority of the change does NOT flow into my vending machines anyway! 

Ron said that was "mean" and more.  I said I am not carrying a big roll of $5's with me.  He said he would, and I will give them five singles and send them to him for the rest.  We don't have long shifts, that's taking two people off stocking to serve someone who is not going to give the money back.  It's inefficient at best. 

Besides, it's been my experience a person becomes more demanding the more you placate.  Set some boundaries and it stops. 

Look what happened in my case, she came back, with a $5 this time, and did want "all those $1's" because she knew it was me or the credit union.  There is NOTHING in our contract about providing change for the customers, much less "custom" change. 

And, sure enough, she walked away and gave the money to the other vendor.  All that time wasted and we didn't make a nickel. 

I'm going to stand by my policy.