Showing posts from February, 2014

Better than that

You may read this and go "What?  Heather why are you doing this?"  I'll explain. 

Really pleased today.

We went into work today, we knew the other vendors would be there, but like I told Ron "We didn't do anything wrong, why should we hide?"

We went to the warehouse, got supplies, and then went to work. Paratransit dropped us off and I left Ron sitting outside with the stuff, then I went in and got our cart out of the shared stockroom.

The other vendor's employees were really happy to see me. It is nice to see some smiling faces. I asked about their loved ones, got my cart, and left. The other vendors pointedly ignored me.

Later on, (our machines were wiped out!) a hungry construction worker mentioned he really wanted some banana pudding cupcakes. I said we don't sell them, the other people do, but I'll ask them to stock more. He was very happy, and said he'd buy them all.

As we were leaving I saw one of the other vendor's em…

Good Enough

Over 20 years ago, I tested well above average on verbal intelligence.  I've always been able to figure things out, whether it's a computer or a vending machine. 

Lately, though, not so much.  I feel very "limited" when I'm working with the Android Tablet I won at a water board meeting.  It's running Jellybean. 

We had to work today, so I brought my backpack (and tablet) along.  After we bought our vending supplies, paratransit left us at the warehouse for over an hour.  I took a bite out of the tablet. 

I opened it up (I've figured out the operating system to some extent) and loaded one of my apps.  They downloaded properly and installed correctly.  I opened the office program and pulled up a spreadsheet.  I felt very confused as I tried to make a basic spreadsheet.  I used to do this in my sleep, but not anymore.  I hacked away at it for a few minutes, realizing I'd need a book if I was going to make any progress. 

I thought, "The listmaker…

New favorites

I've either had these songs running through my head; or just really like them.  Sometimes I listen to VH1 in the morning and I am surprised that I like so much of the "young stuff". 

Old but good:

This is one of the "new" ones.  Love it.  Probably downloading tomorrow before pill time.  I can blog, medicated, but that's about it. 

There's another one, "The Perfect Day" - it's a good one too but there are a million links on Youtube.

Edit: GOT IT!  I hunted up VH1 top 20's for the month. :D  

Forgot this one. I need to listen to the new stuff more. I think Ron might like it, too.

Glad I bought the flashlight

I remembered to bring my flashlight today (I have a few of the small $1 five-LED flashlights).  You'll see why that matters. 

We went to Walmart.  I got some snack foods, apple cider vinegar (in case I decide to do a henna treatment), and some air fresheners.  Ron got a can of the "cream style creole beans" he likes, and some drinks. 

After Walmart we went to the warehouse.  We got some drinks for work.  We got to work and realized we needed 7 more cases.  We'll get that tomorrow. 

I also worked on the bottled vendor.  Now, Ron and I have a tendency to bicker when we troubleshoot.  Me, because I want to just do things without reporting every step.  Ron, because he feels I've gone "cowboy" and pulling out wires left and right (so to speak). 

Today, much as it galled me, I got "permission" before each thing I did.  If I asked, he was fine with me doing it.  Thank God I had my flashlight, it's very dark in the corner.  The machine has LED…

Game On

This came up on my playlist. 

I thought it was very appropriate for my situation.  Lyrics first, then if you like metal you can listen to the link:

When the lights go up and the game is on
Are you ready for me cause I'm ready for you
When the bell rings out and the fight is on
Are you ready for me cause I'm ready for you
It's time for us to start throwing down
Look and see who's standing now

Didn't even know that you and I were cross
Until a sneak attack from the weak side
Unaware that we were in a fight
I guess that's part of the problem but guess what

When the lights go up and the game is on
Are you ready for me cause I'm ready for you
When the bell rings out and the fight is on
Are you ready for me cause I'm ready for you
It's time for us to start throwing down
Look and see who's standing now

Say what you want to say about me
Throw up what you want to throw up at me
But when you mess with those that are around me
That's when you and I will have a problem



So, today's been interesting. 

We had the day off of work.  We don't have a safe, dry, place to wait on a pickup.  Lots of cold rain and thunderstorms.  We need the rain, but it will make the grass grow. 

I slept very well.  I did wake up at 4 AM with a desperate craving for Orange soda.  I've been wanting that lately.  Happily, I have some.  It's diet of course.  I drank some and went back to bed, sleeping another 4 hours. 

When I woke up I did my God Time.  I also decided I am not going to cower on the floor "Please don't beat me!".  What did I do when I got mugged?  I fought. 

So, I'll fight.

What can I do to fight?  Well, I have a better product lineup.  I don't have deceptive practices like a candy bar labeled at 80 cents but really charging 90; a honeybun labeled at 90 cents and charging a dollar.  Yes, I told the supervisor about this, months ago.  They're still doing it. 

Now, you're a customer.  You buy something labeled at o…

Video Blog

Bad News

The supervisor called us back.

Basically, the break area was constructed in such a way to violate the contract without violating it - "Open to the workfloor but not the area past the wall". It took months to build this out, so this has all been going on behind our backs. That really feeds "bad thoughts" and paranoia with my illness.

He also talked a lot about how the other vendor is "suffering" with business down 20% (we have been down 50% for months and no one seems to care - I guess he is just screaming louder). Since he is the senior vendor, they "had" to give him the location.

My response to that is unprintable.

I'll need to repent on that.

Anyway, in addition to that he said we will also be forced to assume the maintenance of the microwaves. They cost hundreds of dollars a year in repairs and lots of very NASTY cleaning on my part.

That'll teach me.

It's a good thing I don't drink

Bad news today.

I wish I could be a lot holier in my response to this... anyway, when they moved our vending machines from a nice area in the front of the building, we were shoved in a corner. Now we are in a small dark room. I have to wait for people on lunch to go back to work before I can open the machines. It's crowded, dingy, dark, and loud with contruction noise. Not to mention the electrical issues.

The building is a large rectangle. Say 20 inches by 10. We have 1 inch by 20, on one side of a wall. That's our assigned/delegated area, the area the other vendor was so smirky about not coming into. We'd stay on our side of the wall, he told me, you stay on yours. The other vendor has the other 9 by 20 inches.

Imagine my horror today when I saw a brand new, freshly painted room - on our side of the wall. It has outlets and a water hookup (necessary for a coffee machine). To make things worse, I saw a note in her (the oother vendor's wife) handwri…

A lot of rope

I had trouble sleeping last night, worried about work.  When I got up I took my shower.  Ron woke up and chatted with me. 

I've told you how I read a book, stating it's best to wait 5 minutes or so before bringing up negative topics.  I told Ron I had been having a hard time, and he was a good cheerleader.  It was nice to see him being a spiritual leader. 

Our pastor went on about that today for a bit during the sermon.  It's important for the husband to be a spiritual leader. 

In my case, I've been feeding myself with my God Time every day. 

So, we got dressed and went to church.  We had a straight trip and a really nice young driver.  He was a cat lover so I asked him all about his "baby". 

We got to Starbucks and waited on our ride.  I got out my tablet and connected to Wi-fi.  I have been trying, for a while now, to connect to the Google Play store and download a couple of apps.  I'm sure you had an easy time.  I did not. 

I figured out part of …

Unimportant Things

I battle fatigue every day.  I took a nap today after work, after getting 8 hour's sleep the night before, and I'm tired.  I'm always tired. 

I was thinking about that.  I know a great deal of it is related to medication.  I take a higher than average dose (I need it to get to the proper blood levels) of one medication, and two more cause fatigue. 

I have to think, if every bottle I take yells "Do not drive or operate heavy machinery!" - maybe it's the medication.  However, I thought, maybe I'm anemic. 

God knows my diet isn't the best.  Maybe I'm anemic, need to eat some liver or something.  Maybe I need an iron tablet.  Maybe I need to eat more salad. 

I plan to get a blood test at some point, I'm about due.  My lithium levels are fine, I don't need to worry about that for another 6 months or so. 

But, like I said, maybe I'm anemic.  I would love to "fix" some of the fatigue, if possible. 

I got the idea to check the …

Blind people don't play jacks

Ron quotes from today:
Blind people don't play jacks. 

Just because you're in the toilet, don't act like a turd. 

Yeah, it was that kind of day. 

More music last night, but I did get to bed early.  I actually woke up before the alarm.  I'm always tired.  Always.  But I was a little less tired than usual. 

I got up, did my shower and God Time.  Then I "checked the mail".  I hadn't checked it in days and I had a theory about #19.  Sure enough, the party machine vehicle is in the driveway - he is affiliated, in some way, with the homeowners. 

Ron will call and have the HOA send the owners a letter.  If it gets bad he wants me to write one of my letters to the owners.  Since they are latina, and I have never met a latina who wasn't hugely into "family", I will remind them of the little disabled boy living next door, and his mother, imagine she has just gotten him to sleep and then... of course I will pray on it. 

It's not about contro…

Glad I have my meds, today.

I should probably start with last night.  Some joker decided to play loud Mexican polka music around 9 PM, an hour after I went to bed. 

Ron and I were complaining, of all things, about the other neighbors.  "Can't they call the police?  Why does it always have to be us?"  After about 10 minutes (we were going to take a little walk to see who was the culprit), it stopped. 

Apparently someone did call.   

I tried to go back to bed, but I was pretty wound up.  I was a little anxious about the litterboxes, they looked a little full.  I decided to get up and clean the boxes; did that, all 4. 

Then I went to bed. 

I had planned to wake up at 4, but it was already about 10.  That would not happen, and, as Ron says "God's not going to get you if you do your God Time later".  I set my alarm so I could get my shower and watch the weather before leaving, but not much more. 

I did that, and off we went to the warehouse club.  We needed to get drinks.  We got the…

Chicken fried steak and I think I'm getting manic

We had a wonderful ride to Doc.  He's a ways off, but worth the trip. 

Metrolift hired a regular cab, and it was lovely.  The driver was great.  We got there an hour early. 

A few minutes later found me in the deli area of his building, trying to figure out my tablet.  I've had issues.  After about 20 minutes, I figured out that while the little meters said there was open wifi, there wasn't a connection.  Frustrating.  I don't plan to do a lot "online" once I download a couple programs, but I've had a hell of a time getting to the downloading programs. 

I finally put away the tablet and drank my Diet Dr Pepper.  Calmed down for a few minutes and Ron and I went in to see Doc. 

They saw us early, that's the nice thing about going early.  That means they can also bump up the other appointments, see them all sooner, and then go to lunch early. 

They liked the cookie "copay" in addition to my usual cash. 

Doc had yet another student who sat…

The Power Couple

Pretty depressed today. 

That said, I did sleep very well last night.  That's always a gift. 

I got up around 7 and we went to the bank.  They weren't wierd this time, about changing my $1 bills for $20's (I got paid, late but that's OK).  We sat down and waited. 

Our ride wouldn't come for almost an hour, so I decided to walk to the convenience store and buy a snack.  However, I had some severe anxiety crossing the busy street, and then again coming back. 

"It's pathetic" I told Ron "You're the one who got run over, but I'm the one with Post Traumatic Stress!"   I didn't have a full blown panic attack, but it wasn't pretty, either.  Ron commisserated.  He's pretty good about that. 

For a guy who got run over, dragged, and then screwed over in multiple ways, Ron has a really good attitude about the accident.  I could stand to emulate it. 

Anyway, I drank my soda.  I like the Sunkist Orange diet soda.   I could see i…


Today I had to squat down (drop it down to the floor) as one of my songs proclaims... repeatedly.  I had to wrestle a heavy vending machine, pull a hand cart loaded with sodas AND my husband, the ride-along...and I never once thought about my jeans. 

I got some Walmart "curvy fit' jeans, which are fairly baggy.  That's fine for a day off but it's not really professional for me to yank up my pants every 10 minutes. 

These were black.  I love black jeans.  They had a short inseam.  I also need that.  They had a little elastic and boy I needed that. 

They did the job and did it well today.  I'm impressed.  I'd buy another pair. 

I got the Just My Size Fit for You classic fit.

If I drank, today would be the day.

I have to start by telling you: I hate bananas.  Hate them.  The texture, the flavor, makes me gag. 

That said, I had trouble falling asleep last night.  One of the married neighbors leaves for work around 6 AM every day.  So, why were they letting the kids run around outside after 9?  They have to get up and bathe in the morning, and eat, so they were depriving themselves, and me, of 8 hours' sleep.  I was a little gacked about that. 

I fell asleep around 9:45-10.  OK with that.  However, I had a very large, snoring Torbie in my bed.  She snored so loud, I woke up at one point thinking the neighbor was talking to someone outside my bedroom wall.  I was really pissed until I put my hand on the cat and realized it was her. 

SHE is about the only creature who can get away with waking me up.  I went back to sleep, but I didn't sleep very well. 

About 3 years ago, "they" began developing a corridor along the bayou.  One one side, you have our subdivision.  On the oth…

An unexpected day off

Well, the party went on until 10 PM.  Not a big deal for your average person, but I had planned to get up (note verb tense) at 5).  It took me a while to wind down so it was more like 11 before I went to sleep. 

I remembered today was President's Day.  Ron had planned to run by the bank.  Can't do that.  So, he decided to give me today off instead. 

This morning found me getting up before dawn, going to Walmart (originally in our plans) and buying some quick foods.  I got some already cooked chicken type things I can just heat and eat.  I like the single servings, too. 

I also got some headbands.  When it gets windy in Houston (often) my hair flies around my face, and it's very annoying.   I'm trying one out today; so far I like it. 

When we got home I took a nap, about 4 hours.  The older kid next door woke me up kicking his ball around.  I got up (hard to do when I'm battling a moderate depression) and started to do my God Time.  Of course then they left for …

Not that into kids

When I was a kid, I always hoped I'd grow up, get married, and have kids.  I'd nurse the babies and be a stay at home Mom the way God intended. 

However, that wasn't God's plan. 

I admit I found babies "cute" when I was a child and preteen.  Then I was signed up to work in the church nursery with the toddlers. 

Let's take a moment to review that: brain damage, poor impulse control, insane, child care worker.  If you have kids, CHECK OUT anyone who comes in contact! 

However, the only problem I encountered was when I let some kids "shoot" me and pretended to die.  One of the senior (literally) care workers objected and felt I was "promoting violence".

It's odd to think those "children" probably have kids of their own now.  One little girl cried a lot and wanted to be held constantly.  I used to hold her, thinking how I'd never had that myself, and tried to pour some love into her while I had her in my care. 

The …

Theology and a mature subject

I have a faith; I don't have a "theology".  I find most of the nitpicking very annoying. 

I hate labels, which is an odd thing for me to say.  I have so many!  LOL 

I just want to worship Jesus and talk to Him. I want to share my troubles, ask for His guidance, and go where I'm sent. 

Is this one of those "Why can't all religions just get along" posts?  NO.  Absolutely not. 

To my eyes, the Bible is very clear on certain things; they are not to be endorsed or tolerated.  An example of that.  The Bible condemns homosexuality. 

However, one day I had nothing to watch.  I pulled up a matchmaker show.  The show happened to feature a gay man, and a lesbian, looking for love.  I kept hoping they would hit it off!  [grin] 

Anyway, I was actually OK with the show for a while (doesn't say much about my spiritual walk - and I don't hate ANYONE) but the talk became progressively more profane.  The men were made to take their shirts off, comments were…

A nasty prank

When I'm manic, I like to play the occasional prank on Ron. 

One of my favorites: Ron was always late coming out for our ride.  One day I had someone tell  Ron I had already left in the vehicle. 

Ron and I were talking about one prank I pulled after his accident.  It was a huge deal in the Houston blind community.  One of their own, a Houston native, run over.  All sorts of people came out of the woodwork. 

Some of them were very nice, like one of Ron's old girlfriends (about his age).  They had "a thing" back when I was in diapers.  She came to visit and Ron liked her, so we chatted a little on the phone. 

"Ron has huge gaps in his memory" I told her one day.  "It would be fun to pull a prank.  Let's tell him you had his kid after he moved to California!" 

She agreed, giggling.  She came in to visit and solemnly told Ron he had a son, a nice young man who really wanted to meet him. 

Ron got so agitated he almost fell out of bed.  He kep…

Yay meds

As you know, the "spanish" kids next door like to kick the old soccer ball around in the yard.  I'll hear periodic thumps now and then when the weather's nice and dry (like today). 

Today, about half an hour ago, I also heard a very loud crash into my garage door (near the property line). I was very proud of my medication. 

I didn't freak out.
I didn't lose my temper and go out there screaming. 
I didn't even leave to inspect the damage. 
I'm not steaming. 

I'm just sitting in my folding chair, in front of my monitor, blogging. 

Yay, meds. 

If there's any damage, I'll let Ron go talk to the father about repairs.  I know the parents were aware of it, because the "game" stopped immediately.

Alive at any price

I just read a story about a kidney transplant.  "Dying" is a little strong though. 

A kidney patient can walk around with zero functioning, for years, as long as they receive dialysis.  A heart patient, though, is a lot more limited (one of my FB friends has Ventricular Assist Device - an artificial pump to help his heart). 

Ron and I have ridden paratransit for many years.  I'd say a good 40% of the clients are dialysis patients, another 40% "slow" in a group home and "day program" (ferried to and from every weekday), and the other 20% are, well, other. 

I often wonder which group will suffer first when eugenics comes to town. Dialysis?  Uses up a lot of healthcare, and the ones I meet are not working.  The slow?  They will never work (the day programs are just daycare), and the group homes and other programs aren't cheap.  HIV?  Could be.  I know the meds are expensive. 

It doesn't really matter, because I believe it is coming. 


In Context

When I hear friends talk about their menopause experience, I always heard a lot about "being emotional".  I kind of scoffed at that. 

If I were "overly emotional" how could I tell?  I mean, really.  I'm crazy.  While Doc says I'm "very stable" I don't kid myself about my control - it's only attained through a battery of toxic drugs and a very "boring" lifestyle. 

Which brings up a side point.  Why do people get so upset at me when I refer to myself as "crazy"?  I am. 

Definition:  Crazy
mentallyderanged;demented;insane. Let's look up "insane":  adjective adjective: insane:  in a state of mind that prevents normal perception, behavior, or social interaction; seriously mentally ill. How is that not me?  It completely describes my illness and how it affects my activities of "daily living".  Anyway, some people get very outraged on my behalf, tell me I'm not

A hell of a week!

Doc gave me discretion on my dosing; morning, or evening, just take it "about the same time every day".  I've found it works better to take my meds at night (the "hardcore" mood stabilizers and antipsychotic), because they tend to make me foggy. 

You can bet I took mine the minute I got home from work.  I ate a bowl of cereal, a large bowl, with soy milk.  I gulped everything down and nearly sobbed with relief when the dry mouth manifested.  Dry mouth means the meds are working!  I felt a lot better. 

Ron kept telling me I was fine, and I kept telling him, I'm not.  I just wasn't letting it out.  I was starting to get a little paranoid and all.  [blowing out a breath]  Only a couple doses from complete insanity.  Humbling, let me tell you. 

Everything looked good.  I went to bed early, as I planned to get up at 5, and I was awakened around midnight with horrible abdominal pain.  It seemed to be gas.  I vaguely remembered the cereal causing some gas i…

Highway to Hell

I had a lovely dream last night.  I was in a lovely place; it had a seashore, woods, mountains, running streams, and glorious activities. 

I've been afraid of horses since an incident back in my elementary days.  My horse got stuck in some mud and tried to buck, very hard.  I clung to the horse as my helmet flew off.  Since then, I was always afraid of them, especially after what happened to Mr. Reeve. 

In my dream, though, I was riding a lovely gray horse with a whitish mane.  I wasn't afraid.  It was peaceful.  I met people I knew in my youth group years, people who have no idea they literally saved my life with their kindness and acceptance.  I can hardly wait to see them again. 

"Sounds like Heaven" Ron told me. 

"I think it was a little hint" I told him.  Do I think I had a "message from God"?  I don't know.  I might have, I might have just had a good turn of brain for a change (I am prone to awful dreams and nightmares). 

I do find …

Whoever someone was

My head's still twingey and I have NO appetite. 

I have chosen not to eat.  Drinks are OK, and I've been drinking my usual decaf diet iced tea.  I was able to work a little. 

Enough to determine that our machines were moved a fair distance by ???  someone.  Whoever someone was, they didn't break anything.  All the machines are operational.  The food machine has an odd lean to the right, and the bottle vendor's sitting on a Postal Pallet.  I have my theories. 

They didn't "go through channels" but they didn't break them either.  They went to some effort to get the machines moved; move the electrical so the machines work, and while they may have left a lot of very dirty fingerprints all over the machines, at the end of the day they're working. 

I'll clean the machines tomorrow.  I couldn't stand the idea of using any cleanser today.  They took about 15 feet off the room and put up a temporary wall.  But, my machines are still there, and,…

TMI for delicate stomachs

I've had some dental pain, or so I thought. 

Yesterday my back right molar was really killing me.  I took my meds and ate a modest meal.  I wasn't very hungry.  It all came back up in my bucket about 10 minutes later. 

Hm.  Some dental issue. 

We went to the warehouse, I got sick again, barely made it to the restroom.  The pain was beginning to radate into my right temple.  I realized I had a migraine. 

Since I still felt pretty pukey, I bought a styrofoam cup with a lid.  Normally I buy a soda but I didn't dare. 

Sure enough, got to work, threw up again in a loading dock trash can, in the middle of making change for a construction worker.  Ron's like "Where are you?", heard me retching "Oh!". 

Went in, stocked, inventory.  Not fun.  At least some of the lights were out (lights and strong smells aggravate).  Some guy was cooking eggs.  I couldn't get out of there fast enough. 

We finished up (it was a short day) and went outside to wait. …

One of the worst days of my life.

Graphic descriptions, may be disturbing.

I had a pretty serious overbite as a child.  They knew it would have to be addressed.  I was taken to one dentist when I was about 6, and he suggested strategically pulling various teeth to "make room for the others to come in properly". Mom didn't like that and said no. 

When I was 12, they decided I needed braces.  Braces were not covered by the insurance, so Dad had to pay out of pocket. 

They took a lot of x-rays, did an exam, and gave me the bad news: I'd have to have 4 teeth pulled.  I had one permanent tooth.  The other 3 were baby teeth without a permanent behind them, an easier fix than pulling an adult tooth.  I "needed the room" I was told, for braces.  My mouth was pretty crowded. 

I was given a date and anxiously told all my teachers I would not be attending school that day.  I was in yet another "special program" at the time and only had 2 teachers.  They waited until after I'd attended…