Friday morning

So someone just asked me what movie characters I'd like to be like.  That was an easy one.  Ripley from the Alien series, and Sarah Connor in Terminator 2.  Both were ass kicking women.  

I always hated the fight scene where the woman hides in the corner while the men work it out, one scene a woman picked up a chair and broke it over the bad guy's back - that is who I strive to be, a victor, not a victim.  

Do I get in fights?  No.  I taunted a woman once at Walmart she was very rude demanding I move Ron's wheelchair even though she was thin and there was plenty of room to pass.  I said "Whatever you say, princess." and I could literally see her making the calculation was it worth going back to prison to kick my ass, and concluding I wasn't worth it.  I was manic at the time.  

Thank God I wasn't worth it.  

But I admire women who are strong.  My mother was not.  Not a good role model, fell to pieces at the drop of a hat, many suicide attempts, drinker, not medicated, ... not much to emulate.  Dad does say she was beautiful and very intelligent so there's that.  She was very talented musically as well and did some other art things.  

My Dad raised me, I write but that is about it for artistic pursuits.  

And Ron had a seizure.  We figured out the trigger on this one and can avoid it in the future.  We are figuring this out.  I knew to turn up the fan and AC, give him a spit bucket (he bit the inside of his mouth again).  The cats were going nuts AFTER, would have been nice to get some warning before...but he was in bed, had the seizure in bed, and stayed in bed after so no falls.  

Maybe I will end up with seizure alert cats.  

The rest of the morning has been pretty quiet.  I didn't sleep well last night and I don't think Ron did either (trigger).  I had some digestive issues as well.  But I got "enough" sleep.  

I took a shower after the seizure (I had been planning to) after I got Ron settled and my hair is still wet.  I will take a nap in a little bit.  

Thursday

I am running pretty depressed today.  I did take care of Ron and the cats.  I got the flea medicine and had to chase the boys to dose them, the girls were good about it.  Everyone has been dosed.  I still have one dose, left.  

That would have been Mama Cat's dose but she has moved on, one way or another.  Personally I think she found another home.  It would have been great for the family, a turnkey cat already fixed and socialized... 

Anyway I dosed the cats.   I fed Ron some roast chicken.  I froze the chicken leftovers.  It was day 3.  I always try to freeze or toss leftovers at day 3.  I gave Ron his vitamin.  So I feel his nutritional needs have been met, at least the basics.  

He asked me why I let him sleep most of today and I told him the ER doctor said sleep deprivation causes seizures.  So I always try to let him sleep unless it is urgent.  He is "naturally" pretty quiet these days so he won't bother me if he wakes up when I am taking a nap.  

So I took care of the home making part of the program, also cleaned the litter box too.  I don't need to do laundry but I may run a clean cycle on the washer.  

Tomorrow I need to clean the water bowls, then do the report the day after, probably go to work Monday.  I need to do an inventory and stock.  

Biscuit threw up but he does that now and then.  He is just a nauseous cat.  He throws up on everything I feed him, but he's a big beefy boy of 18 pounds so I am not worried about his nutrition.  Some cats are just like that, in my experience the males.  Bubba in particular (the solid black one) was a big puker as well, usually in my bed while I was sleeping, then I'd roll over and EWWW.  At least Biscuit pukes on the floor, the tile at that.  

Although the only carpet is Ron's room.  Eventually we will get Ron's room done but I think right now it is more important to have an emergency fund.  The room is usable, not pretty but workable.  Quote + materials for the room remodel will be about $1,500.  That's a lot of money.  

My hands still smell like chicken, Torbie is very interested.  I don't know - never taught - a more elegant way to de flesh a cooked chicken I just rip it apart with my bare hands.  My great grandmother, the one I resemble, could eat fried chicken with a knife and fork as she went to a very prestigious finishing school, and never lost her manners.  Then her great grandson in law is lying around naked eating chicken with his bare hands.  Society has deteriorated!  [grin]

I never feel bad at those abused animals commercials because I have 5 rescues.  All are well cared for.  Two were feral and unsuitable for adoption, one was elderly and unwanted, one is sick with a chronic condition, and Baby Girl was the only "desirable" one when we got her.  She was small, cute, and friendly when we got her but the rest all had various issues.  So I took in 4 unadoptable animals and give them a home, that's a LOT.  Especially when you factor in vet care, flea medicine, special food, etc.  

I told Ron my budget was tight but I had no problem buying the Advantage for the cats.  It is the only "good" medicine = works, doesn't leave them greasy, and doesn't make them sick.  I have bought other brands and been upset so I always go back to the Advantage.  It would be a lot cheaper if I just sponsored an animal, let me tell you, but I like having a big furry thing in my bed. 

They are a great comfort to us.  I am so glad I got Cleo dosed, she was very itchy and scratching herself raw, that will end in a few hours as all the fleas die off.  She was the worst off.  

And that has also been my experience, some cats are just more vulnerable to fleas.  Frosty was one like that, he was white.  Cleo is about half white, half calico.  So maybe white cats are more prone to flea issues?  I do know the brown tabby girls have very few issues.  But, against that, I have Biscuit, almost all white and very few flea issues.  So that's that.  Some cats are just more prone.  

They have all been dosed, that's the important thing.  Cleo will feel so much better, she is a little outraged I did her but not mean or anything, just betrayed.  She will get over it.  She has really done so well.  

I remember one very sad encounter at the vet about a year ago, I had one of the new cats in there and there was a cat howling and cursing away in the other room.  The vet tech came in and I asked what was going on, she said his owner had just died, the family had brought the cat in to try to re-home it and it looked like they were going to have to advise euthanasia.  I remembered thinking I hoped my cats would never be that bad.  

Torbie would bounce, Baby Girl, Biscuit, and Spotty would be OK with a little work, I don't know about Cleo.  

That's it for now (running the clean cycle on the washer).  

More of Wednesday

I had a pretty good nap; woke up with a headache.  I hope it wasn't the pizza.  My budget is pitiful but I did manage to eke out enough to buy a devotional I had and loved, I have a very bad habit of giving them away so that is likely what happened to the last one.  

The rest was all bills and exciting things like flea meds for the cats.  Cleo got in bed with me during my nap, super cuddly, just the sweetest and most affectionate thing ever, almost as if she knew I had bought her medicine.  She is the most affected by the fleas - she is itching a lot, the other cats are slightly but it is worse for her.  That should come tomorrow and I will dose her; she was good about it last time.  

That was one thing I wondered, as I was socializing her.  Would I ever be able to give her a topical?  Pet her without the flinching?  I never dreamed she would come this far.  I am incredibly proud of her.  

I gave Ron his bath he is happy now.  He likes the Irish Spring deodorant so we use that.  I use no rinse bath that stuff is great.  I just put a good squirt in my little bucket with some warm water and a washcloth and get to work.  I don't have to rinse (obviously) and he can just dry off or I dry his armpits with a towel so I can apply the deodorant.  

I should probably put up a wish list it has been a while.  There it is:  Wish list  Stuff I need, some things I would like, not a lot of luxury.  Some home decor as I still need pillows for the one couch.  

I took Ron's blanket and am washing it.  I put a little baking soda in the washer as that is supposed to help with softening.  Ron is hypersensitive about fragrance so I can't use dryer sheets.  I have never wanted to ante up for the fragrance free dryer sheets maybe I should put them on the list.  Done.  Now you can help me do the laundry.  

For whatever reason I have a hard time spending $8-9 on dryer sheets but no problem spending $20 on a bucket of Tide Pods.  

I swept the house last night and did the litter boxes so I wouldn't have to do them today, very glad I did it that way as I had the energy.  

I am a little mixed mood wise, chafing at my budget but at least I have a few dollars left.  I was able to buy the cat medicine, pay my doctor and the water bill today.  Everyone is hurting financially except maybe the sanitizer makers.  

By the way, I am more of a hand washing girl but when I do use sanitizer I have a bottle of Suave I got.  I trust the brand they have washed my hair for a good 20 years.  And done a good job of it at even the worst of my budget.  I have always been able to afford their products.  Deodorant isn't bad, either.  

So I won't whine because I know many have it worse, but the unemployment, $600 a week - I wouldn't know what to do with that except save most of it.  I don't get unemployment because 1.  Self employed.  2.  Still working, if you can call it that.  3.  Married to business owner.  Ron has never had to pay unemployment taxes on me because we are married, they did a phone interview with him after the wedding and confirmed that.  So it has been good in the short run but long term self employed I get nothing I didn't give myself.  

I am OK with that I would think I know how to budget.  I was very pleased I put $50 on my credit card I had a $150 balance and a $30 minimum payment not due for 2 more weeks.  That should do wonders for my credit score.  

When we bought the house it was in the 500's, not sure what it is now but I haven't had any accounts so pretty low I'd imagine.  This will help.  But it is mainly about me not having debt and paying my bills.  I hate having debt.  

We did manage to pay off the credit card (leftovers from my root canal) with the stimulus check and I think that's the best thing we could have done.  So, aside from my $100 credit card balance and the mortgage, we are debt free.  Not a lot of people can say that so I remember that.  

I just finished putting up the towels I got yesterday, I put them in Ron's room and have the washcloths in a reusable shopping bag at hand.  I can manage without a wet wipe if I have towels, washcloths, washer, and detergent.  Now I have both.  

I was really horrified when someone we know gave us a lot of overly personal details about his one night stay in the hospital (he has vertigo attacks), including a blow by blow account of how the staff had to clean up after him when he had an accident, I resolved I would never be that person and I have not done that.  But the supplies will be welcome because, well, shit happens.  [grin]

If I could prioritize the stuff I could use off the list I suppose the laundry stuff would go at the top.  That will get used in pretty short order.  I am not out but I like to have a good inventory.  

Money was tight enough I could not swing the $20 for a year's supply of Loratadine (allergy medicine), so I got the $1 packet of fake Zyrtec at Walmart, took my first dose this morning, so far it has worked well.  My ears tend to get clogged with my allergies, especially my left, but it is not, today.  I find that encouraging, as I AM allergic to cats, and I have 5; mold, and I live in Houston; grass, and I live in Houston, etc.  I am constantly exposed to my allergens so this is great that it seems to work better without freaking me out.  

I took some of that stomach acid reducer about 15 years ago and was tripping, hallucinating all over the place, until it wore off.  That is some nasty stuff for me.  Other drugs, like one bladder infection antibiotic, made me extremely manic.  I try to avoid all the drama, I think that's the one thing that distinguishes me from other bipolars/schizophrenics.  

I was damaged by an uncontrolled bipolar and I don't want to do that to anyone or even the cats.  I remember the way Bubba cat used to look at me when I'd get manic.  Very wary.  I never want that again.  Now Cleo some things will spook her now and then she is a high strung cat but I would never knowingly scare her.  Which means I need to take my medication as directed.  And I do.  

I will fix my dinner, take my pills, and come back.  I'm about due.   All done.  

I am going to take my shower now.  

Wednesday morning

I was pretty irked last night, I had to roll down the exterior blinds.  That was fine but the drone spying on me WAS NOT.  A mentally ill person on anti psychotics lives here.  REALLY a bad idea.  If I had a shotgun and good aim I would have taken it out, I was that peeved.  We have privacy fences for a reason.  

But I am properly medicated so it didn't get above a moderate level of annoyance, and I was able to let it go.  I did have the AC off and the window open, I put the blinds down so SPIES what is it with me this year?  Snitches, spies, etc?  [shaking head]  Anyway, I put the blinds down so no one could see but I still had good air flow, had the big fan up on the dresser (in front of window) so I had a good air flow.  It was nice.  

I slept OK except for the headache, got up and closed the window.  I got dressed and took care of Ron, did my God Time.  The sanitation workers (my preferred term) came and took the old toilet, such a load off.  They were all done by 8:30.  I took the cans up to the house I am a little uptight about bringing the empty can in when the workers are done, instead of leaving them at the curb all day.  I have also had problems with dog-walkers putting turds in my can if I leave it by the sidewalk.  

It was after 9, so I started on the bill paying process.  I had to call the water company, my doctor, Gospel For Asia, etc.  I had to set up the account draft to pay my credit card.  Advantage for the cats.  I had a pretty good sum to start with, that had been depressingly halved by the time I finished.  

I decided I needed a treat.  I wanted Little Cesar's but last time they were not delivering, but WERE today.  I took it as a sign and bought some pizza which should be coming pretty soon.  I got a stuffed crust pepperoni and some stuffed crazy bread.  

I can eat on that for a few days, much like Ron and the chicken.  But Ron wants some of the pizza which is fine, I will give it to him with his vitamin.  

I am trying to do intermittent fasting, and eat between 11-7.  

I am also trying to work out a routine for various things.  Housecleaning... so I am sweeping every Tuesday, clean toilet on Wednesday, etc.  I am logging it all in my book.  It is a lot easier to keep the house clean then to "get it back" and a small job every day or so is a lot better for me.  

This may seem obvious but I never learned this.  I was assigned various house cleaning jobs when I was a kid/teen.  They had the "your week" system.  

Each child had a week, on that week they had to do all the chores.  Housecleaning, yard work (mow yard, take out trash, etc.).  It was supposed to be an equitable division each child living at home had to do all the work on their week, but as it turned out I was left with it all when my number came up, then the other kids got to skate on their week.  My stepmother would even plan the big meals, etc. on "my" night to do dishes and do leftovers on my stepbrother's night.  

Not a good way to learn a system, it fostered a lot of resentment toward house work in general.  

So I never learned how often do you clean the damned toilet?  Not after you get mineral deposits, that is too late, clearly.  Not every day... so I think 1x a week is OK.  I am doing the dishes now as I make them, it's easier.  I wash the bedding about once a week for me and twice for Ron as he spends all his time in bed.  Laundry I do when I have enough clothes for a load and I am figuring the rest out.  

They won't give me the pizza that is OK they can leave it on the porch.  I am looking forward to it.  

I like Little Cesars they have what I consider to be the best pizza and they give you a lot for it.  I am really happy they are delivering again, I wanted some pizza a while back and couldn't get it because they had stopped the deliveries.  

Pizza was a big hit.  Ron could only eat one slice.  

Most of Tuesday

I always find it funny when Ron says he is not hungry and then eats half the rotisserie chicken.  [grin]

We had a little midnight excitement.  I forget Ron cannot do any sort of fruit or fruit juice, hopefully that has been locked in our heads now.  

I took my shower late last afternoon so I did not need one when I got up, I did my God time.  I got one the computer for a while, it rained, I decided to go to Walmart and my bank.  

Jack couldn't do it but he said please call again.  I called Arturo and we went.  I went to the bank and made my deposit, then Walmart.  I got almost everything on the list, including cheap bath towels and a bunch of washcloths.  I was very happy to find both as I use them in home care.  

They didn't have many cleaning products, but did have the Clorox bleach gel toilet bowl cleaner I wanted.  I looked at laundry detergents but really wanted to keep a lean budget.  I didn't get much food aside from the roast chicken and some hard boiled eggs.  Ron likes a hard boiled egg with a little salt now and then.  I got some more tampons and some Irish Spring soap, a deodorant ($1.53), etc.  

I hated to get it, such a hassle, but got some bottled water as Ron likes it.  He will only drink bottled water and our current case was about done.  I have a few in reserve for emergencies but this one I use for drinking.  I couldn't find disinfecting wipes but they did have the wet wipes, which we use a lot.  Bathroom time, cleanup after eating, etc.  

All in all a pretty good trip, especially happy about the wet wipes and towels.  I called Arturo he was a ways off but I waited... I have had issues with Uber and Arturo will help load/unload and never gets an attitude about me using the trunk.  

Worth the wait.  I give him a little extra for helping, too.  I want him to want the trip.  

Came home, put it all away (took forever).  Ron said he wanted to buy some miracle pain cure he heard on the radio, I said those things are scams designed to get your card on auto pay, and you can never turn it off - people have had to close accounts to get those guys out of their wallet.  So I told him no it is a scam.  It got a little heated.  

I took a shower, I try to get the germs off before I do anything, I had already put my clothes in the wash with the new towels and washcloths.  That went well, I am just waiting for the rinse.  

When I wash towels I do a rinse with 1/2 cup vinegar to get all the suds out.  It works very well and the towels are more absorbent.  Yes, they have a vinegar aroma.  But more absorbent and I really don't put them to my face, anyway.  

Tomorrow I will clean the floors and toilet, leave it at that.  Thursday hopefully I can just vegetate.  I am caught up on laundry once I get the towels dry.  

That's it for now.  

Monday

Work took a lot longer than I thought but I got it all done.  

Sam's had a very nice fruit and cheese tray in the "refrigerated lunch" area and I ate some of that for lunch.  Later on Ron and I split the rest for dinner.  

I stocked everything, took the money, and went home.  We had enough to pay me and a little for Ron, so that's a win.  I plan to be very stingy with my money, though.  

I have read (and discussed before) the "best" way to handle a pandemic, take a shower immediately upon entering the home and wash the clothes as well.  So I did that.  

Ron woke up, he was happy to see me.  He was fine being left.  We had the fruit and cheese tray for dinner.  I may have some spiced rum later.  

I ran around a lot today and am pretty wiped out.  Example: the bank, some butthead shoved past me, cutting, in line.  I told him "The end of the line is back there!" pointing.  He told me to f#ck off and gave me the finger... nice guy.  

Sam's was good they were fully stocked and had the delicious lunch/dinner tray.  It was about a pound according to the label.  

Jack was upset I had been waiting and told me, if I finish early, to call him.  He is the only helper who has ever told me that.  

I spread the love, today.  I took Uber to the bank.  I took Arturo to Sam's.  I took Jack to work and then arranged for him to pick me up and take me home.  He was happy to make a little spending money and get out of the house; I gave him the fish oil the cats never touched.  His elderly dog will love it.  Jack also said feel free to call him for other trips.  

I don't like to impose so it was nice to hear.  I would rather be "too nice" and not take advantage.  Ron is with me in that.  

It took forever stocking but I literally put all the new merchandise straight into the machines.  I was diligent and made sure all the prices were correct, etc.  I stocked popular favorites that will move quickly.  I provided good customer service.  

So I feel like I did a good job today.  I do have to say Ron's timing was perfect this morning on the toilet, right before I left, so I had time to help him.  Just BEFORE I hailed the Uber and not after.  Just perfect timing.  

I could help him, not worry about this happening while I was gone... good timing.  

New toilet and shower continue to behave perfectly.  Cats are good.  

I am of two minds.  One: get all the housework and errands done tomorrow.  Two: take the day off and relax.  We will see.  

Ron was very sweet and appreciative.  That makes my job a lot easier.  I need to get a vitamin into him before I go to bed and then I will call it done.  

So far I have finished half my errands

Took care of Ron; pretty funny discussing the size of his poop.  Got him settled, drink,snacks, etc.

 Off to the bank; a very long line.  Finished that, off to Sam's.  Bought inventory and waiting to go to work to stock it, then home and shower off the germs.  Then done.

Nothing to do with Ron, really

Well, it happened again... someone I liked posted something stupid about mental illness drugs, that they are "very bad for people".  

You know what's "bad"?  Me, hallucinating and delusional, sleep deprived, suicidal, and manic.  That's very bad.  

Why?  Why do people feel so compelled to come against my mental health drugs?  Is it the fact to many mentally ill resent them and believe accepting them means accepting the diagnosis?  

Is my cheerful, desperate, embrace of said drugs so unusual my doctor is led to label me a "model patient"?  Am I that unusual?  If so that is very sad.  

Let's look at it from another perspective.  My Dad is diabetic, type 2.  He takes Metformin.  I will never tell him to stop it.  I know the drug benefits him and the benefits outweigh the risks.  That uncontrolled blood sugar is a serious condition and he needs to take steps to manage it.  I would be upset it I felt he didn't take it daily.  I applaud his decision to be responsible and take care of himself.  

Let's contrast that to me.  "I have mental illness"  

"Do you take anything?" 

"Yes"

"What" 

I tell them, then get lectures on how "bad" it is and how I need to embrace my emotions instead of  drugging myself.  

I explain in vain my symptoms are "very bad" and they really do not want me unregulated.  

[Scoffing dismissal of my facts, name calling, and slander of pharmaceutical companies that provide the medication]  

Why would you attack someone for taking mental illness drugs?  Say they are "tricked"?  I don't get that at all.  

What I do know many with mental illness are very vulnerable, resentful, don't want the label that comes with taking medication every day, and very likely to stop taking it under pressure.  And then when they do snap the nay sayers say "They were taking drugs, see, they're unsafe!"  

No, they became unsafe because they stopped taking their medication.  I mean, I have to live with this every day: I could kill someone if I went off my meds.  Or myself.  That is a big deal.  I don't want to be the crazy person.  I have had enough of that; so I take my pills.  

When Doc handed me my medication I reached out for it, clutched it close, and immediately began taking it as directed.  I'm not kidding, my first appointment I dosed out the pills and took a handful right there in front of the doctor.  I had ENOUGH of crazy town.  I was ready for some regulation.  That was our first visit, and he laughed and said I would do "very well".  And he's been right.  

When I told him about the report to APS he was outraged and demanded I have the social worker call him so he could set her straight.  Called me a "model patient".  He was livid.  He was not worried about me at all and outraged someone had put me through this.  

So congrats whoever you got a very nice old man's blood pressure up.  

But that's how I roll; very dedicated to my medication.  But I still have these idiots out there telling me to toss my blood pressure pills.  

As far as I'm concerned that talk should be criminalized.  

Saturday and some of Sunday

I slept pretty late for me and got up at 8.  

I ran out of Claratin and funds are tight so I am curious to see if not taking it helps with the headaches... it was better this morning.  

I got up, fed the cats, gave Ron a bath, cooked a pot of dirty rice.  Box mix.  I cooked the ground beef with some onions and peppers (seasonings my idea), then mixed it with the other ingredients.  Ron was very happy with the result.  Good I don't have to worry about feeding him for a couple days.  

Then I took a shower and ran a load of laundry.  I used a lot of towels cleaning Ron.  I can't rub him during the bath it makes him scream in pain.  But I have to get the bath solution on him somehow.  I put it in a sprayer and did that, it worked very well but did require quite a few towels.  I went ahead and threw my towels in the wash as well.  

We had a rain band this morning but it is sunny now.  That's nice I don't have to worry about watering the grass.  

The cats are good.  Someone kicked a lot of litter on the floor in the orange room.  On my NEW floor.  I was not happy about it but the floor is fine.  That's why I got the plastic planks.  

I am onto cooking some lentils, ham, and rice for me, Ron can have some if he wants.  He did and ate a fair amount.  

Next day: 

Slept OK had some odd dreams about trying to cross a street with my feet hobbled.  Ron was a little confused when he woke up but snapped out of it once I gave him some lemonade.  

Rarely he will wake up "off" but snaps out of it.  It always freaks me out though, then I remind myself he had a stroke, shear injury to his brain (very bad), and coup-contracoup injuries to two lobes of his brain.  I should be impressed he does as well as he does, to be honest.  

So I fed the cats and did my God Time.  I got on the computer.  

A white woman, who is more of a liberal than I guessed, put up a long blog post about how a black woman was "persecuted" when pulled over for running a stop sign near her home/work.  She went on in great detail about "feelings of this and that" but the BLACK officer who pulled her over was very nice, she said, she couldn't fault his behavior in the least.  She incited (called) her neighbors to come out and raise a stink, mini BLM "protest" and they decided to let her go.  Then she was angry the police posted the footage of her running the stop sign.  

What did she think, they were going to let her break traffic laws because she is black?  THAT is racism and elitism of the worst sort.  I posted a reply... oh, and by the way, the "victim" spelled the word "rase".  

And white liberals feed this by saying yes of course you're a victim.  And no one is saying LADY YOU RAN A STOP SIGN.  People need to be held accountable when they break laws or there is anarchy.  

Someone felt I was negligent with Ron, they called me on it.  If the social worker ever comes out she will see that is not the case; Ron is very well tended.  I have nothing to hide except the fact I need to sweep the floors.  Cat hair and all... but nothing major.  

The worst thing you can say about Ron's physical and emotional life he does tend to cry at music these days.  It is a little disconcerting for me, I only saw my Dad cry once when I was in the hospital for depression and had given up.  I'm not really used to that.  But he cheers up pretty quick and enjoys his cat, his radio, his food.  

And we got the new toilet no more flushing with the bucket, we should be good for years on that.  And it is of course a million times easier to keep it clean than it would be to clean up the old one, which is still out at the curb.  

My aunt was horrified but #6 had their old toilet next to the house for a month or so before they got rid of it.  I am nice to the pickup guys.  I hate garbage man as a term it is derogatory.  They are very hard workers, perform a public service, and we would be LOST without them.  Anyway I smile and wave, sometimes more, so hopefully they will feel amicable when they see the poor dead toilet at the curb.  If not, I will hire a junk man to take it.  

So they can't ding us on that when/if they come.  And that was about the worst of it since the cleanout.  The house is "fine" for us I clean the litter boxes every day, have an abundance of supplies for both feline and human, A little cat hair on the floor but that's it.  

The new floors (vinyl plank) are great for cats, they don't scratch, cat puke and litter box accidents clean up great, definitely putting them in Ron's room when we can afford it.  

Ron's room is OK for now what little we have has got to be saved for living expenses.  I don't see a need for a remodel on his room right now.  Toilet, yes.  Drywall?  Not urgent.  Sales are truly abysmal I can go in once a week to stock now.  And I just set up that trip, go to the bank, go to the warehouse, go to work.  

I doubt there will be any cash to "harvest" from the machines but Ron pointed out there are days yet to pay me.  TBH if I am a bad Christian and don't give the charities my new debit info I don't have "anything" this pay period.  Cell phone payment went through so that was my only immediate worry.  

I have to pay for my rides but I have a little in there for that.  And combining trips like I plan to do will save us more money.  

Ron is happy the Astros are playing today.  He likes the players and enjoys the game, that is something he shared with his Dad.  

I plan to take a nap in a little bit.  

I like this photo a lot

Baby Girl in the front, Torbie hogging the pillow.  

Cleo video

Cleo was so cute I made a video.  

I will be cleaning the floor tomorrow; but sometimes it is more important to capture a moment than to capture the perfect moment.  

Friday morning

Mixed episodes... hate them.  Anxiety last night, fun fun.  Finally got some sleep up at 4 AM.  

I did some housework, will mop tomorrow, but did laundry, etc. today.  I placed an online grocery order I paid for it I might as well get some use...

Toilet works great and flushes everything, I was worried it being low flow it might not do the job, but it does.  Shower works great too and I don't need the hand held.  I bought the hand held about 10 years ago I thought I could put Ron on the bench and wash him but it didn't work, too painful with his nerve disease.  We only did it one time before his back surgery and he screamed in agony the whole time.  They sent me home with a special soap to use.  I did put the hand held in the garage in case I want it later.  

Anxiety has not been fun I am doing very low caffeine for today.  

I did my God Time, took care of Ron.  He wanted a boiled egg and a sausage patty for breakfast so we did that.  Then he went back to sleep.  

I am debating making a list of everything I do for him.  It seems prudent to CYA.  I think I am going to do that.  

Ron ate and went back to sleep, woke up cold and I put the blanket on him, adjusted the thermostat.  I need to give him a vitamin the next time I feed him.  

The tropical thing is going west of us to no problems.  I need to figure out when I'm running to the bank, and my next supply run for work.  There is no point in going to work without supplies I put it all out yesterday.  Lots of details.  

I am exhausted and ready for a nap.  

Thursday

I woke up with a crushing migraine but had to work today.  I got ready, got Ron settled, and left.  

It was dead it has been days since I went in and the machines were still full... pitiful.  The bill changer had converted a fair amount of change to bills, so I focused on that.  I went ahead and took all the change out of the vending machines and then ran it through the sorter, then put that back in the bill changer.  

Then I came home, I had forgotten the bank card so I could not go to the bank.  

I went to bed, I was pretty bad off.  I was able to work but once I got out of there it was bad.  The Uber driver was preaching the low carb gospel it was cute.  I did not tell him I had done it already.  He did emphasize I had to keep doing it...which is true.  

To be honest I didn't disagree with anything he said but it is a pretty serious commitment.  I laid down, had a couple of cats, it was nice.  

Woke up still felt ghastly.  I had to help Ron with some things but he did not require lifting, thank God.  I took four Advil I figured it they help Ron maybe it will help me... it did but it took a while.  I am pretty good now, some pain, but not like before.  

I can only suppose it was the wasp spray yesterday, I am very sensitive to insecticides.  Ron's Dad, God love him, got me good once at a family BBQ spraying some bugs near me, the next day I couldn't get out of bed.  It was ghastly and a lot like today, so that's my best guess.  

My household can run without me for a day but I will need to step up tomorrow.  The caulk is dry on everything so we can use it all, but I don't feel up for a shower right now.  

I got into my "Salty pretzel sticks" from Walmart.  I had hopes they might be salty.  They exceeded my expectations and I will be getting them again.  They were so salty I didn't need to eat many to get my fix.  And that kind of let me test out the concept I would be OK eating today.  

I plan to check the mail in a little bit and then do some laundry.  I will have some oatmeal for dinner.  

I put my giant cup in the fridge, full of water, so I will have 2 quarts of icy cold water later.  That will be really nice.  I crave really cold drinks when I have a migraine.  

Hopefully I can do my God Time later, if not He understands.  

The rain is supposed to start tomorrow, nothing like Harvey (flooding) but some minor street issues in low lying areas, etc.  So if you see footage in the news that is likely it.  

I, apparently, have a "really good" flood insurance policy (for street flooding getting into the house vs. the "really good" homeowner's policy that actually paid my $20K claim this year) per the company, they paid all their claims for some disaster in less than a month.  So that's good to know whenever a tropical system rolls through.  It is also big bucks at $1500 a year but how much is peace of mind?  

No one has taken my old toilet even the hoarders don't want it - pretty funny.  Worst case I will pay a junk man to take it.  

That's it for now.  

Wednesday night, manic and not sleeping

Well the new toilet is flushing everything.  So that is good.  I told that one reader it was not a drain line issue.  

Ron is having a horrible night for pain.  I feel bad for him but he has stopped yelling so pain meds are kicking in.  

The cats have been awesome, Biscuit gave me a very nice pancreas massage as I laid in bed trying to sleep.  I got up after a while because I just couldn't sleep.  

I am manic now and very little I can do about it, I need to go to sleep.  Now this, if I could drive, I would just get in the car and go to work, do it all tonight as the facility is open all the time, even during hurricanes.  But I need to go to sleep, get up tomorrow - no shower as Mike used caulk on the new shower fixture - I will use Ron's bed bath stuff - and go to work then.  

I wouldn't want to try to get a Uber home from work around midnight it would take forever and be horribly unsafe for me, waiting.  The bad guys tend to sleep in the morning.  

I sprayed some disinfectant on my keyboard the other day and it is horribly sticky.  It is good disinfectant but I will have to use my "Better Life" on it and see if that helps.  It is really hard to find any cleaning product these days, much less something that will work for Ron's allergies.  He is hypersensitive to scents and has even blamed incense for one of his seizures.  I will turn my computer off for that.  Jon-don has a lot of products, it looks like, and I managed to score some empty spray bottles so that makes it easier.  

I made grilled cheese for dinner, Ron is a big fan.  I use a lot of real, salted, butter, 2 slices American cheese, and multi grain bread in my iron skillet.  It is kind of a cleanup but not so bad when you consider I am making meals for both of us.  I give him the first one.  :)  He works on that while mine sizzle away.  He did ask if I could add bacon and I can make that work.  I will probably cheat and get the precooked bacon for that.  

Oh, so lively and I have to wait... I am going to lie down again after I get this guck off my keyboard.  

IT'S DONE!

NEW TOILET TODAY!  I have flushed it several times and it works great.  

So, the old toilet was just a, pardon the pun, a piece of crap.  I am NEVER getting another American Standard fixture in my home it was only good for a couple years and stopped flushing.  Then I had to flush with a bucket of water for longer than I care to admit, while we saved the money for a new toilet.  

And a new toilet, professionally installed, is not cheap!  Finally managed it today, wrapped the new tub fixture in with the toilet install at what seemed like a fair price (still does seem reasonable).  Old piece of junk is out at the curb, we will see if the hoarders take it.  Someone probably will, worst case it sits out there till next week and we get it picked up on trash day.  

Absolute worst case I hire a junk hauler to take it off for $20.  

But it's done - I almost cried I was so happy.  The plumber was thrilled he does not often get that sort of raw response to his work.  I can be very transparent emotionally - that is a mixed blessing, but good today, I think.  

So that finished he moved on to the shower fixture.  It was very convenient the drywall was out in Ron's room, he just cut a little more off and worked at it from back and front sides, got that done, I turned it on myself.  And off... it works fine.  So everything in the bathroom is brand new.  

We will deal with the garbage disposal another day.  

So all new plumbing and a brand new bathroom for me...very nice.  

Some will say it's overdue.  Well, it's done now, isn't it?  And I don't have to freak if the social worker makes a home visit.  

Today was all plumbing so I will work on housecleaning Friday, I have to work tomorrow.  But that is a huge thing off my plate.  

No more flushing with a bucket that got SO old.  

I got a Lysol "Hygenic" toilet bowl hanger it hangs over the side of the bowl.  It has a very nice lemon fresh much better than the old "Calcutta" ambiance.  [sigh]

The cats hid for a while but came out after he left.  I moved the cat condo from Ron's room to the orange room.  Torbie ran pretty fast at one point, seeing him, so I think her arthritis can't be too bad.  So we are done for the plumbing, at least today.  

And I don't think a new disposer is going to be too horrible.  But I do want a professional to do that because that's one hell of a leak if they screw up.  

I want to celebrate but not sure what I would do for it.  

Ron behaved himself (mostly) today so that was a relief.  

That's it for now, I'm going to go dig through the fridge and figure out my "big meal" for the day.  I do one big meal in the afternoon/evening and take my pills.  

Most of Tuesday

Ron had a horrible night, all night, for pain.  I didn't sleep very well as a result.  

I did get up on time.  I helped Ron, took my shower, did my God Time.  Took care of the cats.  

The plumber came by and quoted me about what I had expected from our conversation earlier.  My face showed it was not a small amount but I did say I would pay it.  

The tub faucet is leaking so it needs repair.  I had to explain to Ron - poor baby- US WITH THE LEAKS! It was "down the drain" and not harming our house in any way. 

But our water chemistry seems to tear out the plumbing every 8 years ago, this will be our third tub faucet.  The plumber said he will not be using the same "crap" brand toilet we have at present - that is the one thing I said.  We agreed white toilet, elongated (because I have a big butt but I didn't say that!), comfort height for Ron.  It was a little more than I wanted to pay but I would rather pay and extra $50 and get something without all the aggravation we had with the old toilet.  Then he left after saying hi to Ron, who was of course half dressed (I had thrown the blanket over Ron but he pulled it off.  The plumber just laughed.  Good thing he has a sense of humor.  

So he left.  I got a text from the pharmacy right about the time Ron fell asleep.  All my stuff was in, and it was $76 for all 4 prescriptions at 3 months.  And that, my friend (a phrase my Dad likes to use a lot) is why I take generics.  $25 a month is nothing to pay for sanity.  I pay more for my cell phone.  

Ron had slept really poorly last night so I wanted him to get his sleep.  The ER doc had mentioned sleep deprivation can cause seizures and I didn't want that just to tell him I was going to the store.  But he woke up and I told him.  

He asked me for a couple of things before I left, which I did.  One being testing the batteries in his radio because he didn't want it to die while I was gone.  I was only gone about an hour.  

So, I went to the bank.  I made a deposit to cover more transportation and turned in the signed forms re: the fraud on my account (me signing I didn't do it).  It took a while, they scanned it all.  I thought it was interesting they were so invested in this, and they took the money out of my account so they are not short.  Presumably I get the money $30, back when they process the forms.  

My plan: inaugurate the new credit card.  This would be my first purchase on a credit card, ever.  On mine at any rate.  I went to the pharmacy, one old lady had about 10 prescriptions and sent some of them back.  I finally got up there and they got it for me, payment went through without a hitch (so I owe about $150 total).  I did a little additional shopping (about $20) and went out to wait.  

I had a pretty quick ride home.  

I got home and dealt with Ron.  Did some cleaning.  

Doorbell rang it was the plumber bringing the toilet, I was very excited to see it.  It is just parked right now, not set up.  That, hopefully, happens tomorrow.  Can't happen too soon.  

Ron is in a really foul mood I am trying not to let it affect me.  He was very nasty to me when I was helping him and I told him "Don't kid yourself, if our roles were reversed, if I were in the wheelchair, you would have gotten rid of me a LONG time ago."  And the sad thing, he agreed.  

Trying to love a narcissist is a losing battle I don't think he can really "love" outside of someone serving a need.  They serve a need, he "loves" them, they can't, he doesn't.  One reason he is always so affectionate when I have just done something above and beyond.  

There are things I won't talk about anymore due to snitching and being made a spectacle.  But I do expect a certain level out of him.  If he is not willing to meet those levels then we are going to need to readjust the relationship.  He seems entirely happy living in his bed with a big bottle of vodka.  

I need him able to take care of his needs when I am gone.  I have made most of that very easy, the toilet chair in the bedroom, the urinals, snacks and drinks for him, radio and headphones, talking book machine... but half the time I feel like anyone could give that to him and it wouldn't matter.  He would miss his cat but that is all.  

It is really sad to think just 5 years ago he was walking around the home.  

I am not super hungry but thinking about the grilled cheese fixings I got the other day.  Do I want to make one, now?  

Surprisingly, Ron asked me to make the house colder, it is pretty warm so I was happy to do it.  Hopefully Mike (the plumber) gives me a little notice tomorrow so I can turn down the AC - make it colder, I mean, before he comes.  Not many people are happy with 85 degrees and poor Mike almost suffocated during the re pipe.  

Apparently the shower is going to be a real bitch but I will do what I can to make it easy.  Pete, the guy who retiled back in 2012, took great pride in making a small opening which did NOT make Mike happy.  Worst case he will figure it out, he has been at this a while.  

If I can flush, and the tub faucet doesn't leak, I will be a happy woman.  I am focusing on the end result here.  

It is easy to get overwhelmed in anxiety.  And I remember my intake interview at county mental health.  I remember the social worker looking at me like "You poor bitch".  She asked about anxiety and described it and I said that was a CONSTANT issue for me.  And it has been, I don't whine about it but it's ongoing and 1000 times worse if I have too much caffeine or don't get enough sleep like I did last night.  

On a plus note, Torbie got on me as I sat on the couch, that seems to be the cuddle spot.  Biscuit will get in my lap here in front of the computer and he won't bother it if I pet him.  Anyway Torbie got up on me.  Some of the cats have this thing where they like to knead me and snag their claws in my clothes, one reason I wear inexpensive clothes.  I think this t-shirt is a write off as a result.  It was very comfortable and I assume I can just buy another.  

I think I am going to make that grilled cheese.  

Monday

Depression improved yesterday by the time I went to bed, went to bed, slept GREAT until about 1 AM when I woke up with crushing pain in the back of my head, radiating up over the top of my head, it was ghastly.  It reminded me of the chocolate migraine, but this was actually worse.  I took some Excedrin and drank one of Ron's Cokes,went back to bed and managed to fall asleep.  

I woke up, no headache, fairly well rested, not horribly depressed.  I got up, took a shower, dealt with Ron.  We had an argument.  

I went to the cell phone store and fixed my account, I hope.  We will see.  The clerk seemed a little young.  

We will have to see.  I came back home and apologized to Ron, he was nice about it, he did not apologize to me but he wasn't "grudgy".  

I ate a snack and did some laundry.  That took a while.  I did some cleaning.  

My orders from Amazon came, Ron got his pocket radio, which he likes, and I got my protein powder.  I decided to mix the protein with the hemp protein in an extra jar I had for the purpose.  I was careful but still made a pretty big mess, I was glad it was all plant protein because any sort of dairy would have been a lot worse.  I was a while cleaning that up and will have to wash my t-shirt.  But I got the protein mixed, 20% hemp to 80% pea isolate.  

I am pretty tired, I guess that headache and the drama today took a lot out of me.  I just need to check the mail and I am done for the day.  I already did litter duties.  

Tomorrow, hopefully, we get the new toilet and tub fixture.  It will pretty much wipe out our savings but maybe they will do another stimulus check.  

That's it for now.  

Sunday morning

I wonder if I need to tell my doctor about the temper tantrum.  

I slept great last night.  I did have a hot flash yesterday from stress but that was remarkable and nothing since, so I continue to take the herbs.  In case you haven't been following, Swanson Vitamin: Black Cohosh, Wild Yam, and Dong Quai (separate herbs).  You want to send me a present send some of those!  :)  

So I slept OK but when I woke up Ron was moaning and in pain.  I got him going with some herbs and Advil.  He is snoring now but wakes up every now and then, yelling in pain.  

Mania has faded off somewhat it generally does these days.  I have been taking everything as directed.  

 I figured out my budget, I still haven't gotten the $30 back from the hackers yet.  Not happy about that.  I had planned to cook up some basmati rice in chicken broth and use that with the cooked chicken from yesterday, bag up "dinners" and freeze - they'll get good when I'm depressed.  So the budget is pretty lean to say the least.  

I am not crazy about my rice pot but it has done the job until today, when I tried to put the inner pot into the warmer it wouldn't fit, it is out of round somehow and won't fit, won't pop up when the food is done... could burn down my kitchen if I used it.  

So I had a little tantrum with some quiet cursing and I believe some hand gestures.  I walked off (if I am really angry I will walk off) and did some internet message boards, etc.  It dawned on me I could still cook the rice on the stovetop so I got that started.  From what I hear Basmati expands quite a bit when cooked so I will have tons of rice for my meals.  My chicken boullion powder has MSG - more cursing as that is a guaranteed migraine - but I found some bone broth and used that.  We will see how it turns out but hopefully delicious, and then I will have a dozen "chicken and rice" dinners in the freezer ready to go.  

That's the plan.  

So I will need a new rice pot.  I will tell you a secret, everytime I buy something new for the kitchen it is red.  I really like red in my kitchen.  The stockpot, my silicone spoon, etc.  And Amazon has a red rice pot with good reviews.  When will I be able to get it?  Who knows.  But it's out there and can find a home on my counter one day.  

I do have to say I like the extra room on the counter.  So it's not all bad.  

Plan for the morning: finish rice, do up chicken and rice in freezer except one for today.  Take a shower.  Do my God Time.  Hopefully get a nap.  

Ron (bigmouth) recently asked if #6 was OK they had been so quiet... so you can imagine the result.  [laugh]  They have been pretty loud every day since.  I think they have a kiddie pool.  I am very happy they are healthy and happy, I really do want good things for them as they did clear out that tree for me and rebuild the fence without asking for $$$.  They didn't have to do that.  

But sometimes I would like a nap, that is all.  

Ron did not like the watermelon rum and told me to pour it out.  I thought that was funny as he has never told me to pour anything out, including the vile tasting McCormick vodka in the plastic bottle.  He prefers the Nikolai vanilla vodka, but has been reasonable in his usage since I talked with him.  

He woke up and is not moaning so that's good.  I gave him 4 kratom this morning (he has taken up to 20 on a really bad day).  I have my budget locked down pretty tight I have my doctor visit ($50), cell phone ($35 and I need to go fix that tomorrow!), bank fees, etc.  Bank fees are reasonable only $10 if I have a low balance.  

It is funny to think I had $20K in my account for a while back then until Roto Rooter got their check.  They took their sweet time cashing it, too.  

 That was nice checking my balance for a few days.  

I still don't get why the insurance didn't pay them directly?  

Anyway I checked the chicken I did yesterday and I had to throw it out.  I was very glad we hadn't eaten any, I would rather lose a few dollars.  I almost died of Salmonella in 2004 and I would never want to experience that again, or have Ron suffer.  

He has been great today, murdered a good amount of roast chicken (Walmart's cooking), had some lemonade... I asked him if he wanted a wipe for his (chicken grease) hands and he laughed, said he had wiped his hand on the sheet.  NOT a problem as it needs to be washed anyway and we found it funny.  But this is why I have cheap sheets for him.  

I will strip it and change when he gets up.  He has been very good natured about staying home which is wonderful, I don't have to worry about him.  I am pretty diligent with hand washing when I get home.  I did some work cleaning around the toilet, that one nasty Mc Judgington would be happy to hear it if she is still around.  I want the new toilet to have a good seal.  I need to take some stuff out of the shower before I can bathe and I am running mixed today (both manic and depressed) so it feels a lot harder today.  

I have to move Ron's wheelchair because it, and the commode chair, take up all the room next to the bed.  So when I need to help him I pull it out and leave it in the hall.  He doesn't really go anywhere in the wheelchair lately but he needs it in case we have a problem and need to flee.  So I will always have it accessible.  

BUT Biscuit came along and laid in the wheelchair parking area, so sweet and cute, stretched on his back, cuddly and adorable.  Who would make him move?    

Ugh I hate depression.  

So glad I did take my antidepressant today.  

It's a good thing I am manic

Didn't sleep well last night had some mania problems: 

Flight of ideas 

Racing thoughts

Anxiety

Insomnia

Got up around 12 stayed up till 1:30, helped Ron, went back to bed.  Woke up and Ron was having a severe day for pain, but did still manage to hit the mark on the commode yet again.  It is such a relief not having to worry about him on the toilet.  

He had an absolutely horrible morning for pain.  I gave him everything.  He finally fell asleep around 1 PM.  

Some of the alternative remedies I am using: 

Tart Cherry

Magnets

Kratom

Hemp (smoked, I said it was a bad day)

Hemp oil (4 droppers full)

Plus Advil, etc.  He collapsed into bed.  

I talked to Ron (once he was out of the worst of the pain loop) and agreed to text the plumber, who called me later, and quoted me a horrific price for a new toilet and tub faucet.  But we need them.... so a big dent in what we have.  But we won't have to worry about either for a while after this, and that will cover every plumbing related thing save the disposal.  That was quite a blow...but I am manic so pretty bulletproof for the next little bit.  

I'm not sleeping and have horrid anxiety but I am not depressed.  He comes Tuesday so it will all be done then.  

And, it could be worse.  Poor #6 is having a horrible year.  He was out front digging up his water pipe from the meter to the house because he has a leak.  

I do find it funny I always seem to end up manic before I check in with my doctor.  I have been seeing him 14 years now and can only remember a handful of depressed visits.  The nice thing about Doc he really has seen it all.  

The cats are good, Biscuit got on my chest for a while and was very cuddly, I saw Cleo, gave Baby Girl treats, visited with Spotty, and Torbie is on the couch next to me.  It is hot out but praise God the AC is working well.  

I was too restless to nap so I got out the chicken thighs, use by the 20th, cooked them up in my skillet.  I was under the impression a well seasoned iron skillet wouldn't stick, especially if I used oil.  I was apparently wrong.  It stuck and made a mess...but I did get it cooked.  I have at least a weeks' worth of meals for just a few dollars.  

I like the boneless skinless thighs.  

Ron has been battling some nausea, I had to give him some bread in the middle of the night to settle his stomach.  Large amounts of alcohol are very irritating.  He hasn't wanted to eat today but I will fix him some of his rotisserie chicken when he is hungry.  

I logged onto my credit card's website (I got a really good malware and anti virus program on my computer so I won't get hacked that way) and saw my payment is due by the 11th.  I can do that.  They want $30 I can do that.  

Next month I will have to call my charities and set that all up again.  But my budget so far is actually OK.  I plan to use the credit card to pay for my prescriptions next week.  It builds a payment history which is good.  Then just pay it over a month or two... hopefully sales improve at work.  

I really feel a need to build my own credit - which isn't "bad", just "absent" because Ron has paid all the bills.  OH I have to go to the cell phone store and fix that, too.  

[shaking fist at hacker] 

I hate all the details.  

But Ron seems to be feeling better, the cats are good, and I do have a mania.  

That has got to count for something.  

Well, I didn't have to get up at 3.

But it was a long day.  Got up, took care of my needs (did God Time later), took care of Ron (bath, feed, etc), get ready to go.  

Wednesday I did not sleep well and only had about 5 hours of poor sleep at that.  I forgot the backpack, which had BOTH the checkbooks (Ron's personal, and the business), important business documents (sales tax form), etc. at work when I left.  But where did I leave it?  The question haunted me the last couple nights, especially worrying as the other vendor has the bad habit of leaving the stockroom unlocked.  

So I had to resolve that today, I may have needed to stock.  I also had to go to the bank to deposit to cover the sales tax check, and last but not least had to go to my bank to turn on my new debit card.  And Ron had finished the last of the roast chicken.  

How to schedule all this?  I prayed about it and figured this out: 

Go to Business bank and make deposit (did that, took about an hour what with waiting in line)  I was PISSED because the teller took the blank deposit slip and wrote $200 deposit instead of $600.  You can BET I caught that and made it clear he had BETTER fix it.  He was probably planning to put that $400 cash into his pocket.  Little turd.  

Went to work, found the backpack, everything in it.  Did sales tax report and mailed it.  Early, no less.  Ron is Mr Today It's The Due Date I'd Guess We'd Better.  I stocked what I could (not much!), and took cash (not much!) out of the machines.  

Next stop my bank which is near a Walmart.  I turned on my debit card (and it just worked for Amazon so it's OK), and went to the Walmart.  I got some stuff for me and a nice big family sized rotisserie chicken for Ron.  He loves roast chicken, passionately, and is delighted to eat it at every meal.  It is loaded with protein and healthy fats so why not?  He is not stuffing his belly with trash carbs.  He has eaten two regular sized ones so I feel pretty comfortable he will eat the family size (twice as big, only about 1/3 more expensive).  Even if he doesn't finish it he will get $7 worth.  He has already eaten a quarter of it for dinner.  

I started my cycle this morning so I was at least rigged up properly for all my running around.  Right on time this month.  I skipped a month a while back but seem to be "normal" again.  I really don't care how long I cycle I take iron supplements which would be my only concern.  

And I got more pads.  

So I paid.  While waiting in line the guy behind me kept crawling up my butt with his shopping cart.  I asked him to back off and he said "Why?"  

Every now and then God drops a good one-liner in my head.  "Because I might be sick".  He backed RIGHT up and in fact went to another lane!  The cart behind me now did keep a proper distance.  

Some people want to be buttheads about the distancing, mask, etc.  I am the first to tell you I hate wearing a mask, but I am going to do it to protect myself, Ron especially, and others.  

Arturo drove me around to all of this as my Uber wasn't turned on to my debit card yet.  He paid a few bills today let me tell you!  But he was nice about it, doesn't enforce a mask in the cab, etc.  

I came home, Ron care again.  He is very good about using the commode chair which is 1000% more safe for him but does require emptying.  I bought some liners that work very well so I just tie up the bag and toss it in the outside trash, like you would a diaper.  And his urinal had to go too... so I took care of that, fed him some of the chicken, which he ate down to the bone.  Ron is a man very serious about eating his chicken.  About the only time I have seen him not like chicken was the last time I brought him Popeyes.  He said it was too salty.  He ate it but not with his usual relish.  

The times he has lost his flavors he was particularly devastated he could not eat chicken.  So I was happy to see him devouring this.  

I cleaned up all that and did the litter boxes, then I said I am DONE with "work" for the day.  I did my God Time and then got on the computer, put my new card into Amazon and bought some pea protein.  I really like the results from the protein, it is very filling and I am sated for hours.  It is a high quality protein especially blended with the hemp protein I bought back in better times (I keep that in the fridge).  I plan to do a hemp/pea shake every morning with my pills I think it will be a very good, albeit not very tasty, way to start my day.  But I do not require artificial flavoring in everything I consume.  

The protein will arrive tomorrow and I will mix it.  Apparently 20% hemp is a good ratio.  I will also cook my chicken thighs tomorrow I need to hurry up and get them.  

You may wonder why I am keeping him home, paratransit drivers are getting sick at an alarming rate.  Same with regular bus drivers particularly my route, they have had about a dozen just on my route.  I think we have asymptomatic super spreaders riding paratransit and the bus, they don't know they are sick but getting all the drivers sick.  Ron can't get sick if he is not riding.  

I saw a very sad old man at Ron's bank today.  He was wearing a mask but not properly, he did not cover his nostrils.  He kept getting close to people, one of those very lonely people who goes to retail establishments to get socially "fed".  I get "fed" mainly online.  Don't get me wrong, if I meet an extrovert it is yak time but I don't have to go out for it.  

So I got it ALL done, and will even have a healthy dinner of hard boiled eggs and some milk for dinner.  Work was so dead I don't need to go back for days, so I don't have to worry about Monday.  I have my phone appointment with my psychiatrist on Monday but that's it.  

The tub faucet is leaking (about the only fixture not replaced) so we will be getting that, and the toilet, fixed next week (the other fixture we didn't change out).  Then we should be DONE with inbound plumbing for at least 8 years.  

It has been my observation the tub faucets only last about 8 years, so I assume my 2 new faucets (bathroom sink and kitchen sink) will also last about that long, I will go ahead and budget for them all being swapped out in 2028 assuming I am not raptured.    We are definitely looking at a higher water bill this month as a result of the leak but shouldn't be hideous.  

That's it for now.  I plan to vegetate for a few hours and go to bed early.  

The rest of Thursday

Well, that was a crazy day.  

The email app kept glitching, and I am short of memory, so I took it off my phone.  I checked my email from the desktop around noon.  And I had a fraud alert email from my bank (for real).  It said call the number on my card, so I did that.  

Someone (!) tried to run some charges on my card which were declined by the fraud department and they put a hold on my account.  Good, that is what I would want them to do if they had anything fishy.  So I talked to the bank, verified it was me (that took a while), and told them the two charges were fraudulent but everything else was OK.  I didn't want Gospel For Asia to decline.  They froze my account and said they could send me a new card in (a while) or I could go to the branch today and get one.  I opted to go to the bank and they put a note in my file.  

I called Arturo (couldn't use Uber as my account was frozen) and went to the bank.  They had a new card in my hand within a few minutes, they actually have a printer for them.  I have to come back and turn it on tomorrow.  

I went home and finished the laundry, home care for Ron, etc.  The cats are good.  

I didn't get a nap.  That is OK as I did sleep "late" (9 am) for me.  Ron was fine being left.  

So that was just a pain in the ass but it does happen every few years.  I am online, I have my number stored in various databases.  

Arturo said it was Uber.  Could be.  I mentioned it to the bank and she agreed.  That sucks if true.  I just want to get around!  

I have to deal with going to work and doing sales tax as well.  Have to figure all that out...drama.  I'll get it all figured out, looks like I will have to do some of it tomorrow as SURPRISE the bank is closed Saturday (not mine, Ron's/business bank). Today was supposed to be my day off to relax... that didn't really work out.  

But I should be able to enjoy the weekend.  

Wednesday

I can't sit at my computer because Baby Girl is still in my computer chair.  Cleo is with me.  Ron is eating his way through the roast chicken I bought yesterday.  I got up at 3 and went to work; got a delivery and stocked many, many cans of soda.  Came home and got a nap.

I feel like all I've done is run around lately.  I need to figure out something fun and relaxing for tomorrow.  We barely made enough to cover the rest of my pay so that's good.

Can't use the computer

The chair is occupied

Today did not go as planned

I was up around midnight anyway (woke up) so I helped Ron with some things and eventually went back to bed.  I got up around 7, took my shower, got dressed.  I had a talk with Ron re: portion control.  He seemed to listen.  

I had planned to walk to my polling place, vote, and then take Arturo to Walmart.  But they are doing construction at about the halfway point and I slipped in a thick layer of mud.  The mud did cushion my fall, I was not seriously hurt, but covered in mud (except my head/face/hair/left arm) both hands covered in mud, knees, butt, you name it.  It was epic, and inches thick all over me.  

Being a good citizen I was STILL going to vote, after I cleaned up a little in the bathroom, but they moved the location.  So I'm standing there in front of a closed building.  [curses]

Well that's just great, and Arturo didn't want mud in his cab (can't blame him).  So I had to walk home,covered in mud.  Not my finest moment.  

I told myself it would be funny eventually and it is, now.  The mud was the exact color of feces and I had it all over my butt so I looked like I had an epic accident.  I got home, took off my shoes, and hosed off for a while in the front yard.  I got about 95% of it off.  I came in and got rid of the rest.  

Ron was surprised to see me but happy I was OK.  I cleaned up, changed, and called Arturo.  He came about half hour later.  I went to Walmart later than I would have liked.  

I did, I felt, have the fact it was the 14th and not a common payday, in my favor.  But no one else in north Houston got the memo and the place was packed.  It was pretty rough shopping but I got everything on the list and a few things that weren't.  

Like: pupusas.  They had them frozen.  I love those things.  I used to drag Ron out to various shops to eat them.  I also got some smoked salmon because I have been craving it and it was a really rough day.  I also got boneless skinless chicken thighs which I love, easily my favorite meat.  All I have to do is season them and throw them in the iron skillet, yum.  I got Ron another rotisserie chicken.  He loves those and they are easy.  It had just come out of the oven.  

A very long line to check out but I remained calm and patient.  Checked out, went outside.  A couple of people waiting on rides but no one tried to steal Arturo.  I came home, everything was still cold and went straight into storage.  

I got settled and ate the half pound of salmon, it was delicious and I would get it again.  It worked with my medication as well.  I called my doctor and set up a phone appointment for next week.  I am at about the 3 month mark so due for a visit.  

They kept my information on file and will just re-bill the card.  I am OK with that, normally I wouldn't want anyone keeping my payment data but I trust them,they are a good bunch truly out to help people.  And my aunt doesn't have to give me a ride.  

I will have to ante up for 3 months of crazy pills next week but I do have my credit card I can use that and then pay it at the next payday.  

I helped Ron.  Pretty much every time I walk past his room I check and empty his urinals.  The quart sized Ziplock Twist and Lock work very well for us, very few spills.  He's happy, I'm happy.  

I didn't bug him about much and he remains very grateful and appreciative.  I don't mind doing "more" if he values it.  In the past I have done less and been quite resentful at the time because he was being so ugly about it; but he isn't stupid and knows he has a gift.  

The no-rinse brand body wash has been very effective and a lot of dirt in the water when I poured it out.  I was impressed and it didn't bother his skin.  I haven't used the no-rinse shampoo on him yet.  

I also made my deposit to cover my bills and some Ubers.  As I said the paratransit drivers keep getting sick and I am not willing to risk him.  He is happy to stay at home in bed with his vodka and the cat.  He is being more temperate about the vodka.  I was very clear, I said I can't leave the house and worry all day he has gotten into trouble, can't use commode chair, etc.  I need to know he will be OK until I come home.  I was sincere about this and he took it to heart.  

Good.  I just paid Dad now I don't have to worry for another month.  I only got about 2/3 my pay this time but you can bet he got his $250.  That is payment #7 so a good dent in the debt.  Too bad he can't tell the credit agencies about my good payment history!  

I will pay the HOA tomorrow that isn't due until the 25th anyway.  I only have one payment after this and then done.  I will enjoy having that $85 back in my pocket.  

I like to burn a candle when I pray and do my Bible study.  It is just something I have developed.  The Presbyterians aren't much on candles except during Advent.  I don't think God cares one way or another but it sets a nice mood a scented candle flickering while I commune.  So I will keep doing it.  Walmart has a very nice collection of budget candles so I got 2 more today.  

They had lamps in the old Temple in the Old Testament so there is a little bit of a precedent, that, and incense, but Ron can't abide incense these days.  He accused my Nag Champa incense of triggering his first seizure.  He doesn't care if I do a candle so I stick with that.  

I need to get some more of the long lighters though, for the candles I bought today.  To start I can just use a Bic but as they burn down I have to get the little stick down there.  What I have is working for now, though.  

Next month I need to get some more air filters for the A/C I am almost out.  I got some on Amazon that are very nice and catch tons of crap.  

I need to go to bed early as the Dr Pepper delivery will arrive around 6 AM tomorrow.  

Today was depressing

Ron stayed home, and at the rate bus and paratransit drivers are sickening I am fine with that.  I Ubered to work right about the time our yard guys showed this morning.  

First though, I am tired of watching Torbie crippled with arthritis so I got her some Salmon Oil from Amazon, supposed to be really good for joints.  The other cats' fur could be better too so I think all will benefit, AND everything I have read says that fish oils are really good for a cat with FLUTD (Biscuit).  That should come Wednesday I believe.  Looking forward to trying it on her.  

I will put it on a plate and offer it to her, let her decide.  If she isn't interested I will ask for pain meds when I get her shots done.  Chewy would be happy to fill a prescription.  My animals WILL NOT suffer.  Ever.  

So, back to my day, I go into work and it looks like I just stocked.  [censored]  That is very bad news.  We need a certain level of sales to stay in business.  I didn't even need to stock, it was that bad.  

I took the money out - what we had!  And counted it, not much.  I fixed it up for the bank.  I left and hailed a Uber to the bank, but had to go back and get a deposit slip.  HAPPILY he was a ways off and I got out there about the same time he showed.  I really like the "match the license plate" feature because of course anyone could show up and say they are there for me if I didn't.  

Sucks to be blind...  

I went to the bank, it was an hour before I could do my transaction, change some (not many!) $1's into 20's and then make a deposit to cover the soda delivery.  They did do it accurately, which I have found is really hard to find a bank that can do "it".  

I left and called Arturo to go home.  I try to throw him a ride now and then because he is supporting a family on what he makes.  We got home and I came inside.  

Ron was very drunk but pretty quiet.  He hadn't gotten into any trouble while I was gone, which I had worried about when he called me, very "jolly", at work.  I took my oregano oil - my magic virus fighter (capsules you can get at Walmart) and laid down for a little bit.  My feet were killing me from standing so long at the bank.  Biscuit joined me.  I told him he had some delicious salmon oil coming this week.  I rested for about an hour, couldn't sleep because I had to take a headache pill when I got up this morning.  

I couldn't get on the computer for a while because Baby Girl had taken my chair.  I don't have the heart to evict her, so I sat on the couch with Cleo (such a little cuddly one) for a while watching TV.  She finally got up so I can use it now.  

I don't have a lot of memory left on my phone, I have a LOT of music, so I had to delete the Facebook App, saved me 600 megs of ram.  I remember my first computer had 30 megs and was a huge, heavy, box.  I don't actually save things on my hard drive, not really - just a few photos I might want to upload like, say this one:  

That is nice to have at hand but everything else gets saved to a cloud drive.  I find it easier because computers and cell phones die and you had BETTER have it backed up.  

I had some video of Ron having a blackout and very abusive, for instance, not something I really wanted but I didn't want to delete it either.  That died with my old cell phone.  But my "new" videos are all backed up.  

Ron has slept all day I will talk to him about work later, and I should probably get going on my God Time now before he wakes up.  

I'm going to go.  

Torbie

Some of Sunday

So I saw something I can talk about.  

Sometimes I get triggered by something in the caregiver group but I wouldn't want someone talking about my business, so I don't.  

But yesterday someone, on the main Facebook, put up a photo of a grandson.  He was about 2, looking at the camera, and he had a crossed eye.  

I was born with a crossed eye and had to undergo some really unpleasant treatment for it.  Back then they used a medical eye patch to cover the good eye, forcing me to use the bad one (right) eye.  It was very unpleasant as I was always getting eye infections from the eye patch, and it took years for a medical person to clearly and simply explain "Cross-contamination" so I wouldn't infect both eyes.  Just really miserable infections, pain, discomfort, difficulty trying to see with the bad eye, etc.  But my Dad was told I would go blind in the right eye if I didn't start using it, so he was diligent about the treatment plan.  

I remember one day I was home sick and it was time to put on my eye patch.  I whined about it and my stepmother gave me the day off, I felt so relieved.  It was just the one day.  The medical patches didn't work very well and kept getting stuck in my eyebrow hair so they switched to a "pirate" style patch.  I also had surgery.  I got to stop wearing the patches around 9 or so, I was so happy to throw the patch away.  I have always been far sighted so I knew I would be in glasses for life, I didn't care about that.  Happily all the eye infections ended when I got rid of the patch.  

But I don't envy the little boy or his parents, that will not be a fun road for them.  These days they have some really cute patches and one clever father I met working retail had cut out paper in the shape of the glasses lens and mounted it so his little girl couldn't look out the "good" lens.  Very clever and no eye infection out of that.  I had a lot of good things to say to the dad for that.  He didn't think it was a big deal but I told the little girl she was lucky to have a Daddy who loved her so much.  

So I wish them well, poor kid.  I had a terrible road with that.  My vision is fine according to all the eye doctors.  

I did get an ocular migraine today.  Yesterday I "tried" the cheesy sausage, after making Ron some box mix red beans and rice (a big hit with Ron).  The sausage was fine but I woke up with the migraine today, which means it is definitively is a trigger.  The last time I ate cheese sausage I got one, so twice in a row I know it's a trigger.  Which is why I ate it last night, so I wouldn't have to work with it if I did get one.  

Ron woke me up a couple of times last night and the night before, but I went to bed early so I still got my sleep.  For some reason he wakes up starving at 3 AM and wants hot food.  He has been getting corn dogs on those occasions.  That, I don't mind fixing.  

I fed him the red beans and rice on a couple of occasions because he would make a horrible mess eating it himself, and I just changed the sheets on the bed.  Baby Girl has been hanging out with him all day, very cute.  I have gotten cuddles from Torbie, Spotty, and Cleo.  I accidentally rubbed my eyes after petting them, forgetting I am allergic to cats, and have pretty watery and unhappy eyes.  

I need to do up my pills for the next couple weeks.  I already made the trips for tomorrow and did the home things I need to do for work.  I got Ron a face shield at Sam's which he should like a lot better than the mask.  

So I'm going to go do that.  

Thursday and some of Friday

Woken up at 3 AM Thursday, Ron was hungry, and forgot he had snacks.  I was nice about it and made him a snack.  

I really try to go on what I would do for Jesus in that situation.  Help on the toilet?  Midnight feeding?  What would I do for Jesus and then go do it.  So I didn't yell.  I just reminded, after he was eating.  

I got up and went to the warehouse, the Plus hours are open again so I was able to shop in peace.  I got what I came for, had a little bit of a wait on Jack but that was OK, I sat on the flatbed cart.  He came, we went to work.  He teased me about 'YOUR president" that is about all we discuss politics.  

Got to work, unloaded.  It was moderately slow.  I stocked everything, called Jack again (he can't work with a broken foot but he can help us, and is not on workers' comp), came home.  I took a nap.  

We got Uber eats for dinner most of the local places that deliver, are not, but Uber Eats is still kicking it.  Went to bed.  

I woke up with  a headache and had to take something.  Exciting morning, we got to try out the new commode liners.  They are easier.  I was glad I got the room spray.  I have very oily skin but even it can't keep up with all the hand washing, I had to get out my lotion.  It can take me years to go through a small bottle of lotion.  

Most of Wednesday

Ron was quiet, I didn't have a hot flash, but UP at 3 AM.  I got up for a while, heard Ron awake, got him a snack, etc.  I went back to bed around 4:30 and got up around 9.  

I went to Walmart, I had to pay the electric bill.  Ron has some trouble with numbers, one reason I do the accounting now.  Anyway, some years ago he was entering the routing number for the bank and transposed two numbers, the company freaked out and will only allow us to make in person payments.  Generally not a big deal because who doesn't want to go to Walmart?  But they ALWAYS send the bill right after I have gone to Walmart.  

I have pretty detailed Walmart lists in the order I shop, starting at Health and Beauty and working my way over to the deli.  I went in, no wait to pay bills, did that.  I found oregano oil capsules and happily threw that in the cart, no one seems to know it is a really good antiviral.  

I found everything on my list, even the sheet protectors for my binder.  They had plenty of supplies except cleaning, but I am OK for that.  I have some unscented stuff Ron can tolerate and I also have a gallon of bleach on top of that, plenty, in my eyes.  "Plenty" of toilet paper although I did get some more wet wipes.  

I found some 8 gallon trash bags which are a game changer for Ron's room.  His trash can is just a little too bag for the shopper bags but way too small for a 13 gallon bag.  I used the 8 gallon when I got home and it fits perfectly for him.  He throws food waste, toilet paper, etc. so I want a disposable liner.  And it has a scent but not enough to affect Ron.  I also threw in a can of room spray since he is [censored] in the room, he might want to freshen it up a bit until I can get it.  He used to love to use room spray when they had him on a bed pan at the hospital.  He was happy to see it.  

I got a fragrance (berry something) I can live with.  So his poop station is all set up with the new trash bags, commode liners coming today, and the spray.  He always had plenty of wet wipes.  The urinals are working very well.  

I bought 40 pounds of cat litter, I was a little lower than I like to run on my stock.  And it doesn't go bad.  I also got a case of water because he is drinking a lot and only wanted bottled.  I don't care, I am happy to drink out of the tap, but if a bottle will get him to drink more I will give him a bottle.  I got some more kitchen bags because I am lower than I would like.  I didn't get much food-food aside from a rotisserie chicken for Ron.  He ate a drumstick and enjoyed it so he can work his way though the whole thing over the next couple days.  I am always trying to find an appealing protein for him.  I did get a little more soda.  

The plan is to taper down to 150 mg caffeine a day for now, then 75 next week.  The week after I can go down to 30 (one can of diet pop) and I will be effectively free of caffeine addiction.  I still plan to use it, but I don't want to HAVE to.  

I got other things I forget but that was the gist of it, the main purpose was paying the electric bill.  I checked out (took forever) and went outside.  I called Arturo, he took a while.  

I saw some people using Ubers and many of them were very rude to the drivers.  I saw one man castigating his wife because she didn't wipe her hands the way he thought she "ought", with the disinfecting wipe, just incredibly degrading and demeaning.  Awful.  

I got home and Ron was safe and happy, thrilled to see me.  He "tried" the drumstick because he was curious.  I referred to it, I believe, as "Delicious roast chicken".  I have confidence he will eat the whole chicken over the next couple days.  I also have some hard boiled eggs in the fridge for him as well.  

I ran a load of laundry, I needed to, and took a shower as I don't want to bring germs into the home.  Tomorrow I go out and do work by myself but I am fine doing that.  It is easier, I think, to do the work myself than to always have to stop my work and help Ron every few minutes like I did Tuesday.  

I helped Ron find a (closed, empty) urinal that had fallen off the bookcase, charged his cell phone, and found his radio.  Mainly he needs stuff like that, empty the urinal, get a drink or a snack, find the radio, etc.  It is more a steady trickle than a deluge.  And I can leave him in his dirty t-shirt because he is staying home tomorrow.  

I'm going to take a nap. 

Edit, couldn't sleep.  

Ron has murdered about half the chicken by himself.  He definitely wants another.