Showing posts from June, 2012


Everyone has gone insane over the health care ruling.

I'm not worried.  1.  I am in the extremely low income bracket for the county.  I doubt we will pay much, probably less than I am now; if it all comes to pass.

2.  The public is furious.  I doubt the healthcare thing will live long.

3.  I believe in the rapture.  The way things are going I could be gone any day.

4.  I am healthy, a caregiver, and cheaply medicated.  I think they'd take good care of me (Ron, not so much).

By the way, my aunt has my password, if something happens to me she will post.  If I'm just gone, along with a lot of others, you'll know.

Happily, today was a good day for me.  I got a case of Bibles on the porch.  I opened them up.

What I do with the donors: give them a link to a Bible webstore, and my address, and tell them to send me whatever they are led.  One lady called my local store and bought me 40 New Testaments.  One guy bought me 2 cases of Spanish.  You get the idea.

Today, I g…

Let's hear it for Atkins

I worry about pride.  If you're a regular you've heard that before.

It's kind of odd; if I worry about pride, enough, will that make me humble?  I try to avoid things that inflate my pride, like looking at my statistics.

However, before I started typing I had to wonder "Is anyone even reading this?"  So, I looked at the statistics.  110+ hits in two days says "Yes".

I drank a soda pretty late yesterday.  It kept me up most of last night.  I asked God to give me a good quality of sleep, and He did.

4:30 AM found Ron and I, walking in the door at work.  We had two deliveries.  One came around 8 AM (but could have been there at 5) and the other came at 9.  Ah.  At any rate, we were able to check and stock all machines.

I'm glad we got rid of the tacos.  They weren't doing very well, I had to throw some out today.  I also need more snack items.  Candy and crackers are OK.

We did need to stock several cases of soda.  The $1 bottled sodas are tr…

A tale of two sugars

You probably don't know I own a blood sugar meter.  I'm not diabetic, and I intend to stay that way.  
When I was taking risperidone, the medication carried many dire warnings about high blood sugar and pancreatic cancer.  Great, huh?  I must be pretty crazy to take that - or, the truth, the risks of the medication outweighed the risks of not treating my illness.  
Anyway, a few years back, I bought it.  It cost about $10.  The strips cost $27, and are one of the few things I've bought that have actually dropped in price.  
I checked my sugar every morning for a while, and noted "high normal" readings.  Unfortunately, I didn't take them to heart, and when things got bad, went right back to sugar laden pity parties.  
Happily, according to my meter, I didn't do any permanent harm.  I discontinued the risperidone, and started Haldol.  
As I restarted low carb, I felt hungry all the time.  I got some new test strips and got out my meter.  Sure enough, low bl…

More Chapters in Broken

I put up another couple chapters on "Broken" - (waving to my right to indicate story link).

Make sure you start at the bottom and work your way up.  Otherwise you'll get the spoiler!

And, so we celebrate my 1,600th post.  [tips hat]  Thank you for reading!

Haters gonna hate

Oh, an interesting few days.  We have a tropical "thing" in the Gulf of Mexico.  Some internet drama, and other assorted excitement.

The tropical thing: I'm not too worried.  We have good insurance, and an excellent roofing company.  During Hurricane Ike, we were one of the few houses in the subdivision with an intact roof!  In fact, it looked the same as it did before the hurricane.  Good guys.  [RSS Roofing]

Internet drama.  To quote the gangsters: Haters gonna hate.  I can only remove myself from the situation, which I have, for a while at least.

Now, I do understand I can be an acquired taste.  Since you're reading, you're OK with that.  I have different thought processes at times, and can be impaired in the way I interact with others, on occasion.

However, Dale Carnagie really helped with that.  Focus attention on the other person.  I'm better at that with strangers, than friends or family.  Today, we had a driver.  I recognize him, so I started askin…

They're suicidal, but I don't want to call 911

Here's how it goes:

"Heather, my friend is suicidal, talking about ending it all.  What should I do?"

"You need to call 911 and tell them, what you told me."

"I can't do that!  They'll put him in a mental hospital!  He's just having a hard time!   Come on, what do I say to him to pull him out of this?"

"You tell him, you are calling 911."

You think that's fun?  Imagine the reaction I got here:  I knew of a woman with bipolar disorder.  Although she had severe symptoms, she swore they were controlled with a special diet.  Frankly, she just seemed like every other person, off their meds: miserable and out of control.

One night she was drinking, taking sleeping pills, and said she wouldn't stop until she had finished the bottle of wine, and the sleeping pills.  I was messaged.   They wanted me to "Talk her out of it".

I said "She needs to be in a hospital, let the moderator know so they can contact 911 a…

Someone else

Someone asked me a question recently.  "Do you think I am in trouble if I don't witness to everyone, the way you do?"  I told them, that's not for me to say.

I will not tell another Christian what God wants them to do, unless it is very clear.  "Fred, you need to pray for the guy who stole your car".  Something like that.  Usually I go with something like: "God loves your child even more than you do, and knows how much you're hurting".

I'll advise, but I won't judge.  Mainly, when it comes to evangelism, I encourage.  "Get out there!  Pray for the unreached if you don't want direct contact", etc.  That's why I was shocked the guy thought I'd judge him.

God calls me to preach the truth, in love.  Ephesians 4:15
But speakingthetruthinlove, let us growinevery wayinto Him who isthehead —Christ. (HCSB)
If you're not a believer, you may not have heard that before.  Does that mean I am commanded to endorse lifestyl…

"Do you?"

I always want the bad news first.

I was pissed when I came home, and found my neighbor (the one who trashed my siding)'s contractor leaning against my house, with his foot up on the siding.  He saw us and moved over against my garage  and squatted against it as he talked on the phone.  Rude, rude, rude.  I had only taken one lithium at the point so I went in the house.  The cat went out and apparently spooked the guy, who left.  [snicker]

Hours later, we are at McDonald's waiting on our ride.  I actually SEE our driver go past.  We wait and wait.  We call.  They say he's at the grocery store a mile up the road, and is coming right to us when he does the pickup.  We wait and wait.  We call again, same story, right up the road.  We keep calling, and getting the same story.  An HOUR later, Ron calls the head of the program and suddenly the driver shows up.

All drivers, especially in the rain, just pull up so the passenger can get in.  It is also WELL known to all the driver…

God doesn't want me to be a hater.

I had a pretty tough day, for a day off.

First, though, let me back track a little.  Sunday I went to church, got some baked goods, and put them in with scripture booklets (baked good in a baggie, double bagged into another baggie with booklet).  They have been HUGELY popular.  I'm down to my last package of cookies.

I didn't even eat them.  Happily, God has turned my 2 weaknesses (chocolate and peanuts) into migraine triggers.  The last time I ate peanuts, I vomited for 2 days straight.  I won't be doing that again for a very long time.  The recipients loved them.

Monday we went to work, got it done.  The deliveryman was late, and Ron was a little frustrated.  I told Ron "Everyone on his route is yelling at him right now.  He knows he is late, he doesn't need us to tell him that."  I also, privately, thought, I want to be a "good" stop.

So, when he did show up, very apologetic, he got cookies, and a soda.  God does not want me to be a hater.



I've already lost an inch and a half off my waist, half an inch off my hips, and half a pound on the scale.  Not bad!  
The herbal migrane preventers (Swanson brand, feverfew and butterbur) have worked very well.  I have dull headaches, well managed by my generic headache tablets.  
Yesterday I worked in the garden, in shifts (can't get overheated, could have a seizure and die!), for over an hour, so I got some cardio and weights.  I am a little sore today, enough to let me know I did some good.  
About the only bad thing:  I have a horrible, onion flavor.  Well, no one's taken a bite, but my mouth tastes like onions, constantly.  I've never had this before.  
I've had bad flavors in my mouth due to lithium.  Bad flavors due to Haldol.  Dry mouth due to everything.  
Lowcarbing, and taking other medications, I had a bad, sticky flavor.  I have to assume the onions are a combined side effect of medication and ketosis.  
I will say, I'm diligent about drinking my…

Low Carb Favorite Things

I started Atkins Induction, mostly.  I am still drinking some diet soda.

Today, I got the usual induction headache.  Which got me thinking how much I love my headache pills.    I had some great salad dressing today, with my lunch, and I thought "I need to do another Favorite Things post".

So, here it is.

1.  Found at Walmart:  "Equate" brand, "Extra Strength Headache Relief Tablets".  200 tablets for $4.  They work great and don't upset my stomach.

2.  Also found at Walmart:  "Cabot Farms Extra-Sharp Cheddar Cheese".  I can get a nice 8-ounce block for a few dollars.  I love extra-sharp cheese.  Sadly, I forgot to get it Friday.  [sad face]  I could really go for a little right now.

3.  Walmart:  "Ken's Buttermilk Ranch" salad dressing.  I forget the price.  It is really decadent, creamy, and only 1 carb per serving.  I love to use it with:

4.  Walmart:  Sugar Snap Peas.  I grow these myself, in the winter.  They're de…

Balance Out

Writing, writing.  I've been busy.  16 thousand words and twenty four pages.

Re-examining my life always leads to the same conclusion: it was difficult.  In many ways, it was "easy".  I didn't have to worry about being homeless, having utilities, or what I'd have for breakfast.  On the other hand, I didn't have privacy, safety, and security.  I had brain damage and severe mental illness.   I was subject to verbal abuse.

Through all of this, I'm a Christian.  Jesus, himself, commands me to forgive them, so I have.  I wish it were that easy!

It took me a while to figure out I was incapable of forgiveness.  For one, I didn't have an apology.  Just vague comments like "Well, we all hurt each other".  I try to keep clean language, but WTF?

I always felt it would be so much easier to move on, if the truth could be faced, I could get a real apology, and we could all move on.  That didn't happen.

As a result, I was very bitter and cut off c…

The fattest one in the photo

I'm restating something I stated in a comment:  I don't want to be the fattest family member in the photos.  I have, essentially, three families: my Dad's family, his wife's family, and my mother's family.  No matter how you stack it, I'm the largest family member, probably even outweighing all the men, except, perhaps, one uncle.

I believe in honesty - and I have to face it.  Sadly, I suspect I may always be the biggest family member, no matter how much I exercise and diet.  I hope I'm wrong, I really do, but I don't think my medication is any aid to my metabolism.

Last week I bought some herbal migraine preventers.   I had a few reasons:  I plan to re-induct, and always get migraines when I do.  Even if I wasn't going low carb, again, I'd want them because I detest migraines.

One thing I didn't buy: fat burners.  I get horrible manias on them, and they can ruin your liver.

I have a few problem foods.  One, peanuts.  My last migraine, a…

Favorite things

I'd feel like a whore if I put ad links in my blog.  I have very strong opinions on the subject.   I don't care what other bloggers do - it's their blog.

My blogger, and my youtube, each want me to "allow" ad links.  They'll give me a cut of the profits, too.  I always say the same thing, no thank you.

However, I do have some favorite things.  Recently I encountered a post on honey, and that got me thinking about some of my very favorite honey things.

Honey Sticks  I love them.  I love chewing the end off, or cutting it, and sucking out all the delicious honey.  Yum, yum.  If you ever want to get me a gift, my favorite flavors are plain, cinnamon, lemon, orange, pink lemonade, and grapefruit.

This one takes a little explaining.  When I was 19, I had my wisdom teeth, and a bone cyst, removed from my upper right jaw.  As it healed, the skin in my cheek grew against the gum (it was actually sewn closed, that way).  Sorry to be graphic.  Anyway, when I eat a p…

I still believe in evil.

I'm not angry, just disappointed on a couple of levels.

Last night, the neighbors had a party.  A very LOUD party.  It went on until after 2 AM.

I've noticed, when I have something "spiritual" planned, I always encounter obstacles.  Say, I plan to get up early, before work (my plan every day) and do my God time.  I'll have a lot of trouble falling asleep, nightmares, and general poor sleep.  Morning comes, and the last thing I want to do is get up!

Unfortunately, a lot of times the Bad Guys win, and I hit the snooze button with an apology to Jesus.  I may, eventually, get up in time to have my God Time, or I may not.

Bible Handouts - it seems like something always happens before the Bible Handout.  I think, once, in all my handouts, I got one good night of sleep before the handout.  This was before I switched to afternoon handouts.  I might have transportation difficulties, getting back home to do the handout.  Ron might be sick, and I have to use my handcart…

I've been cheating on you!

Low energy level.  

Today I asked Ron if it was worth it (no, I'm not really depressed but I was just wondering if life, at a very low energy level, was worth the trade-off for a stable mood).  

I don't care how motivated I am, the thought will come to mind, on occasion.  Ron was adamant, absolutely.  It is absolutely worth it.  Quality is better than quantity.  

OK.  I needed to hear that.  

I was pretty happy I got some laundry done, cleaned out the fridge, etc.  After I got up from my nap I did some writing.  

I don't know if I've told you, but I'm working on our story, Ron's and mine.  My end of things is pretty hard.  No matter how I dress it up, some awful things were done to me.  I'd rather forget the first half of my life altogether, except for getting saved.  

Anyway, I feel this is something God wants me to do, so I'm doing it.  

Here's a bite:  
"“Be like a rubber ball” Ron’s mother told him “They may knock you down but you’ll always bounce …

Brain Fart

After Ron's accident, I tearfully told my aunt I knew my life would be, ever after, separated into Before and After.   She agreed.

3 years later, I developed a new Before (medication and diagnosis) and After.  Praise God, oh, I was living in hell.

I remember the old depressions.  I couldn't work.  I'd go to work with Ron and sit in the stockroom, staring at nothing.  I ached with constant mental and physical pain.  I was nauseous.  I had stomach cramps so bad I'd go to the ER.  I lacked an appetite, and any interest in life.  I wanted to die, every minute, of the day.

From the start, the lithium did a good job of taking the edge off.  SSRI's (the frontline drug of choice) worked OK, but I was constantly exhausted.  I got a bad taste of the Old Days when I had to discontinue the SSRI's due to a nearly fatal allergy.

Doc and I got me started on Wellbutrin (an SNRI), and I got to my antidepressant better place.  Times like this, you can't accuse me of &quo…

"You MUST be Heather"

"You know it don't come easy".  Good description of my church search.

Why, Heather, you might say.  There are plenty of churches near your home.  Oh yeah?  Are they Biblical?  NO.  Why do you say that?  Because they believe in  First Lady Nonsense.

I found another church, a little farther away.  They didn't look too bad, until I met with the pastor and learned he doesn't even believe in the Rapture.  Again, that's a major problem.  We STILL went, and were subjected to an hour long demand for money passing for a "sermon".  Ron and I, disgusted, gave up for a while.

I hang out online, pre tribulation rapture, message boards.  I've been on one for over a decade.  One lady suggested a church but it was completely out of the paratransit service area.  It sounded wonderful.

They looked even better when, hearing about my "work", came out and completely fixed my bathroom. But, they're out of the service area, and over 20 miles from our…