I got Ron something to eat before I went to bed. I slept pretty well until he woke me up at 1.
He was sorry. Oh, no. I got up.
He said something about his urinal. He wasn't able to explain clearly but he left the cap off a full bottle, did not spill it, and it stenched up the house.
He asked me to burn incense. He never does that. I only had some Nag Champa so he had to settle for that. "Next time, some patchouli".
So I got to burn incense and clean a urinal bottle at 1 AM. I reminded him I had said I would do it when I did the litter boxes, that he had told me no, that he had told me he would manage it.
He agreed and said he might let me do it after all. Wow, thanks.
I went back to bed.
I woke up at 7, everyone was ready for breakfast (cats). I fed them but Biscuit keeps getting in the other cats' food. I am looking forward to buying that microchip feeder, it reads the chip in the cat and either permits or denies access. So Biscuit would be denied and all the other cats would have permission. I had to put the Iams up a couple of times due to Biscuit poaching, today.
I notice the other cats are slimming down, Torbie in particular. She is probably only 12-13 pounds now.
When I got up I rounded up all the urinals, dumped them out, rinsed them, filled them with a bleach solution to soak. I will empty them when I finish the litter boxes, cap them, and give them back to Ron.
Ron is doing his irritable pity party thing today so I am just not engaging. I did feed him.
He is lying in bed having his pity party with his faithful Baby Girl. He is going to be a wreck when she's gone.
But I fed him. He loves the breakfast bowl and it has about half day's worth of protein so a good choice. It has some carbs but not unreasonable, mostly protein and healthy fat.
I am going to Walmart later. It's a very nice day and while it will be crazy I will manage. I can pay the electric bill while I'm there, save a trip.
I don't have a headache which is nice. I am about to go clean the litter boxes and take a shower.
I plan to take a Uber. Last night before I went to bed I pulled up the app and one was literally driving right past my house. TASTY.
It has been so hard to get a ride, transportation is really my achilles.
19 comments:
Get a freaking grip. Who cares if he will be a wreck when baby girl dies. It is not like he takes care of her anyway. He is a terrible per owner and Baby Girl is only 7 so let's be optimistic and hope he goes first. I will be you that she would be a happier cat with him gone. So piss man says he will DO something and then doesn't. Par for the course with him. He won't brush the cat he claims to love so much. Won't empty his own piss bottles BUT he will drag his ass into the garage at 2 in the morning to get vodka and pour it down his throat. He is fantastic!
"It has been so hard to get a ride, transportation is really my achilles." Well it's not anymore so stop bitching about something that is no longer a problem for you.
You know if baby girl dies before Ron, he’s going to make your life hell because no matter her manner of death he is going to blame you. And rail on you for days and days. If the fur trimming was any indication. I would stop focusing on the Ron/baby girl who dies first thing. It’s a worry that doesn’t do you any good.
Hugs.
It depends how she dies. He let her out, drunk, years ago and she spent the night in the cold and rain, what a poor miserable creature clawing at my door the next morning. He took accountability for that.
Transportation is better but not great. Not yet.
I have been looking for apartments and have narrowed down an area but still hoping to find one that will take all the cats... good luck with that but some reasonable apartments around $500 near public transit and not a horrible area.
The nicer areas are about double that but of course no public transit. I am not taking a uber to work every day. Wherever I end up.
I am looking.
Why do you have to look for an apartment? Without you he cannot live on his own. He won't even make himself something to eat from the microwave. Why should you lose the house over this? He will have to go into a care facility if you leave so why not just put him in one? Soon you will be unable to lift him into bed, etc and he will have to go anyway. Too bad you are unwilling to put your foot down about the drinking. It would end much of his abusive behavior (not all of it but a good deal of it). Why won't you call adult protective services to at least fund out what your options are?
Ron is so unreasonable I can see him twisting ANY scenario into being your fault. He left a door open and she escaped and got run over by a car? It was YOUR fault for not reminding him or checking on him to make sure he shut the door. That’s how he operates. He cannot take responsibility for anything and he loves to abuse. He can’t even accept that he agreed to the grooming.
I still don’t get why you can’t try to stay in the house and get him out somewhere? He’s not going to be able to live there on his own anyway?
Why I don't call aps? Because there's a version of that that ends very badly for both of us.
I don't see him moving out. He will hold on until the bitter end. It is going to be hard enough cutting ties without fighting over the house. I venture if I have the apartment lined up and everything ready to go, he may relent and agree to move himself.
He has to know he can't take care of himself.
The interesting thing about the grooming Baby Girl actually likes it.
There is no point in making threats about the drinking if I don't have a place to go, because he has told me again and again he will choose drinking over me. I may very well need to move out for a while so he can crash, get up, get his shit together, etc. At the end of this we may very well end up without a business or house, so I am moving cautiously.
"Why I don't call aps? Because there's a version of that that ends very badly for both of us. " You do realize any one of your blog readers can contact APS and have them come out to talk to you and Ron. Why don't you do it and save someone else the trouble. Even talking to someone about your right to stay in the home would be a start. His threatening to hit you a few days ago is just about the last straw. Why are you surprised that Baby Girl likes to be groomed? I told you she is not getting her needs met by Ron and in fact he is hurting that cat on an emotional level. The best thing for her would be for him to be out of that house and away from her. Maybe in 2020 he will stop being able to wipe his own ass. But I suspect you will do it for him since you now have to empty his piss bottles because apparently it is too much effort for him to dump said piss into the toilet bowl.
Transportation is not your achilles. Lack of planning is your achilles.
You are spending time looking for an apartment that you can't afford without a new job and you can't move into with an unfixed cat peeing all over the place.
You could spend time getting help so you can stay in your home and Ron can get the care and oversight he needs.
You could spend time speaking to someone in your local vocational rehabilitation office to set up an appointment to get help finding a job.
Spotty will be fixed in a couple weeks. He peed in the garage and the boxes only, when I go out and come back in the house is not pissy if I scoop often.
If I can't find a place there is no point in getting a job.
I am OK with the physical aspects of helping Ron, can't be more clear on that. I have a problem with the drinking and verbal abuse, often in tandem. A 20 hour a week caregiver is not going to eliminate that.
And I have discussed how I am reluctant to have people come over when I'm not home because they might let the cats out. The last couple times I had people over they kept leaving the door open.
A reader can contact APS and they can come over. That does not mean I have to talk to them. If anything I am the one in danger.
I don't mind assisting if he really can't do it, when I married him he was barely off the bed pan. What I do mind are entitlement and binge drinking while neglecting tasks he said he would do.
It leaves me with either nagging him or believing nothing and doing it all myself.
So now wiping his ass is not a deal breaker. A few months ago it was. And the other person is right without a job there is no point in looking for a place.
"If I can't find a place there is no point in getting a job."
Do you actually want anything to change? I honestly don't understand your thought process here. You can't pay for the new place without a job. I don't think you plan to move out.
Are you staying and allowing all of this to happen because you are afraid of what Ron will say to anyone trying to help the situation? Did he threaten you?
Will your current income qualify you for the apartments you’re looking at? They are going to look at that. I don’t understand why calling APS would end badly for you. Do you think they would assume you neglect him? Is it the condition of the house?? I feel like you aren’t going to leave because of all these small roadblocks you have put in place.
Side note about the cat pee - speaking from experience on a cat peeing in the house , I would nip that in the butt NOW. cat pee can destroy things even an entire room. I had a cat that peed in a basement room and I didn’t know it (a room I hardly ever went in) and he ruined the carpet. And in another spot where he literally ruined the baseboard. Neither could be cleaned - only replaced. Fix spot asap, is my advice.
Ron did not threaten me. He is not going to take it well when we split, though. He is going to fight very dirty.
No, I won't qualify at my current income. I believe it is 1/3 so as long as I am making between $2400 and $1500 a month I will be OK. From what I hear wages have gone up a lot since I last looked. When I moved to Texas I got the job offer, got the apartment, the apartment checked with the job and approved me.
I don't put it past Ron to say I neglected him, out of spite. Also I am not sure what they would say about the condition of the house.
An example, after Ron's accident we lived in a 1000 square foot duplex. The hospital sent a social worker to check on us a few weeks later. I had everything set up but did have to do an emergency load of laundry, which I had piled on the floor near the washer and dryer, good 50 foot walk from the bed, and he was not walking.
I had food, clothes, medicine - all of which he checked. I had a potty chair and demonstrated how I did the bed baths. I had a wheelchair. He got very upset at the cats (2 of them) and made me lock them in the bathroom, I could tell he was afraid of them. Two cats who were not interested in him.
He walked all over the house, found the laundry, and wrote me up for "obstructions on the floor". WTF? I told him RON IS NOT WALKING, HE CANNOT TRIP but he didn't care. I think it was punishment for having the cats out.
But it left a very bad taste in my mouth about "home visits".
Heather you are entitled to SSI and help retraining education ect just check with the DV support services in your area. There is HELP. Just like Uber there is an easier way to live and you can get help . If APS is not an option call and get a DV advocate they are used to starting with folks like you and can help you live your best life . Please get help trust people enough to get the right kind you may have to leave the area he is going to get ugly you are right and someone like him will probably do the worst. Please folks understand Heather has been with him since she was a child and Stockholm syndrome is a thing ! So is PTSD ect ...the more emotion support and less condemnation the better .
I don’t see anyone condemning Heather. I’ve seen a lot of support here in the comments. People are TRYING to help her. We want to see her get out of this abusive relationship, recover from her past and live the life she deserves. Sometimes you have to hear the harsh truth to get there. I think some posters are just trying to get through to her. (With the exception of the mean one)
That said I agree with your points about getting on SSI and seeing a domestic violence advocate. I absolutely thjnk Heather should do this. My town has a free resource for DV victims called safehouse. Maybe Houston has something similar, I would bet they do.
There is a local place. They had a meme about financial abuse that hit very close to home. Since I am not in physical danger I am not sure what they would do - also I can't just run off, someone has to take care of him. He can't even get out of the house on his own (probably could, in a fire, but short of that not safely).
There is a hotline I called (not DV) after my diagnosis, they were very helpful. The guy helped me look at my options calmly and I was a pretty big mess. It was a good phone call and I left with some answers. I will go look them up and put them in my phone book - I should have that.
I did put the phone number in my phone. So I have it if I need it. I hope I don't.
I really hope Ron wakes up in a couple of hours and decides he is done with alcohol and verbal abuse... but I doubt it.
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