Early Friday

I developed a nasty headache, not surprising. 

I took some aspirin and then stacked with a couple of Gold Bali Kratom.  I slept great except for Ron getting up in the middle of the night to get vodka out of the garage.  He was very loud about it. 

I remember thinking: I need to hide my badge and keys so he does not have access to them anymore, and then I went back to sleep.  I am going to remember that Gold Bali because I slept great with no headache.  It made a really good stack with the aspirin. 

Ron woke me up again doing something in the garage - more vodka?  I don't know.  He started shouting at me because I "locked Spotty in the garage all night".  I told him the garage was empty when I went to bed and HE had done it when he got his vodka.  He then shouted I "should have checked". 

"You want me to get up at 3 AM and check and make sure you didn't lock a cat in the garage?"  I asked.  Even he didn't answer that.  He knew it was ludicrous. 

Then he lectured me about "keeping it professional" at work.  HE is the one who has screamed invective and curses at me as I stocked the machines, in front of the postal workers.  I didn't allow myself to get upset or say anything because it's that game again, where he says really degrading and insulting things and I am supposed to react and then "prove" I am "unstable, crazy, 'less than'" him.  He always gets flustered and upset when I don't react. 

Then he lectures me about filling the water bowl.  He can tell it's low because it makes more noise.  Normally I wouldn't mind a reminder but he did it in an ugly, unclean, way. 

I got up, used the toilet.  Thought if I get my own place I won't have all the toilet issues.  Then I wondered how much of an issue I might have with handymen letting the cats out when they worked on my place, then thought about the time I lived in that one place and never needed them, the other place I only needed them once, and that was in 2 years.  A lot can change in 2 years; odds I am currently willing to take. 

Ron is still going on.  He likes to create a crisis - say, losing something.  then he acts like a victim and tries to make it my problem I "have" to help him.  I find it.  Then he shouts at God for "abusing" him. 

He lost his headphones, he was very ugly when I returned them.  He did exactly what I laid out in the previous paragraph.  It's just OLD always the victim, etc.  Just once I would like to hear him say "Well, I could have done better with that." and dropped it. 

I am sure he is going to paint himself as a victim when I go.  I cannot emphasize how strongly he is going to fight it when I go and the easiest thing is to just leave him alone in the house, maybe with Baby Girl, I am still thinking about that.  He can lie in his bed and think about what led him to lying all alone in his bed in an empty house with me and the other cats off in an apartment somewhere.    The fact that, odds are, I will find another man in my life eventually (not looking now) and he will likely not find a "good' woman. 

He may kill himself... pretty good odds on that actually.  He may come after me.  He may start whoring around.  He may work on getting clean.  I don't know. 

But once I go I am not coming back and I am going to make that very clear to him.  I may help him with dr's appointments and such but that is all.