An Amazon wish list.
https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/MEN0OZUC2AU3?ref_=wl_share
Because I woke up at 2 AM and can't go back to sleep. The cats really love the broths. I put the probiotics in them and the chicken flavor is better for Biscuit if he gets a lick.
Ron was complaining about my music. He could hear that I was playing it but couldn't really hear it. I could tell because I offered to play something he liked, I did, I had it LOUDER than what I was listening to and he kept asking when it was going to play.
So he couldn't "hear my music" but was just angry that I could hear mine and he couldn't hear "his". It is not my fault you're deaf, not my fault either you abuse your ears with loud headphones, q-tips, and putting rubbing alcohol in the ear canal. Not to mention very bad genetics (he has several Deaf cousins).
He wanted to know why he found "my" music so much more bothersome lately. And let me add I play it at a volume you cannot hear in the bathroom, or another room. I keep it very low.
Anyway, it is SO DISTURBING to him (I think more the fact he can't really hear it than the fact I am playing music) he said he was going to "take money out of savings" to buy me a new computer (the sound card is fried in this one). I told him THERE IS NO SAVINGS. You spent it all on inventory and luxury items. He finally got it and got very upset, but I had warned him repeatedly as he kept sticking his hand into savings and taking more and more "I don't want to count the money ($1 bills we took out of the machines), let's just take it out of savings (to buy inventory)" etc.
So he gets it and he is upset but not my fault. He is pretty confused right now but it is my understanding he was up for a while drinking vodka before I got up. He is not in a becoming state right now.
And can I add how ANNOYING it is he is CONSTANTLY asking me for the time these days. I would buy him a talking watch but I worry he will check it at all hours, waking me up.
And I just had to shovel him back into bed, he almost fell and I had to pick him up and shove him into bed. He was bitching and moaning "He doesn't want to play the game" (life). Just his usual day to day talk had an emergency room intake nurse ask him flatly if he was suicidal. That freaked him out and he said no of course BUT HE IS. He is just too scared to "do it".
Even at my worst I have always tried to find the good thing in my life, there is always one good thing. It may be a pet, a pretty tree, a cold glass of milk but there is something.
I told him I was SICK of him complaining about life, no one likes life and it just makes me more miserable when he's constantly unendingly bitching. "He's sorry" for now but 5 minutes from now he will be going on again.
It's exhausting.
Anyway, I put up a list.
5 comments:
Strength Training Anatomy is a good book to have!
So interesting about him and the music. Proves his motives and true self.
Sorry you are so frustrated (I don't blame you) Perhaps you could do something small each day (0r a few days a week) to put a plan in place for you and the cats (Update your resume, check out other jobs, get referenced lined up, check about apartments around you, government benefits you might be entitled to, etc). Not everything at once, but that way if something happens, you have made steps for a plan in place.
I agree on working a little at a time.
Ron has a lot of anger issues he needs to work out. He was never allowed to grieve anything, or be angry about his situation, so he is permanently stuck there.
He may have anger issues BUT he has always been an abuser. Well before his accident.
Oh, I agree, he has treated me abysmally. All I will say is from my observation a woman who stays in an unhealthy marriage programs her son, and daughter, to accept one.
I just wonder if the abuse would abate somewhat if he could express himself in a safe outlet. already difficult to find counseling so I guess we won't know.
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