Saturday morning

 I slept OK which is shocking considering the amount of caffeine I consumed. 

I got up, got ready for the funeral, checked my schedule. One of my Bible studies was "Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth"which didn't exactly help my focus. 

But I did some thinking. Ron was blind so I have never been around a sighted man who liked me, whose eyes lit up when I walked by, etc.  So this is all new to me so if I sound like a teenager that's why; it's all new to me. It has also been a VERY long time since I was around an able bodied man.  

Ron's dead, I'm not. I am asking God to keep my thoughts in the right place and have overall done OK. So it's not really Beau himself I think as much as what he represents, that there is a man out there who is right for me, whose eyes will light up when he sees me, who will value and respect me (unlike my past marriage), who is not a drunk, who is kind, patient, and respectful.  

And if not I will just hang with Jesus.  I was fine doing that a couple weeks ago I can continue that.  Interesting I put "respect" in there twice. Hmmm. 

So not rushing or jumping into anything.  I don't know if people are overtly conspiring to keep him away from me at work or not, to some degree I see yes.  I had a coworker asking me a bunch of questions about Ron yesterday and I answered them all.  I am a widow but I am open to dating if the right guy comes along,I think I may need to get that out there.  As it is some of my coworkers are acting like defensive tackles whenever he comes around. 

One did say he was a player in a very dismissive voice but he has always been respectful (there it is again) in his attitude and actions. 

But now I need to pray and get my head in the right spot for this funeral.