Some times, especially Saturdays, I feel like I'm living the same week over and over again. The other day at work the speakers were playing "Elanor Rigby" I think it is. "It's just another day"
Today felt the same, leaving. I handed out "my" candy as I went along my day. I did not give a bag to the gacked out tweaker at the grocery store (a woman) who kept pestering me with "questions" mainly about how she should react to being "disrespected" by men. I said "Blow it off and ignore them" but she kept asking.
You can bet I wasn't giving her candy and literally feeding her after that. Her teeth were black, her skin was bad (she was white), she was homeless. I felt bad for her in an abstract way - she was also manic - but at some point she was told she was bipolar and needed medication. At some point she refused all that. At some point her behavior was so bad whoever was in her life threw her out in the street. And she is so into the drugs now only God can haul her out.
But she also posed a threat to my personal safety. It is odd but true I do not fear blacks and latinos as much as I do other whites. The whites I see around the bus stop are generally off the chain mentally ill and drugged up on something illegal; they don't take what they should and do take what they shouldn't. So while I am much more willing to minister to other races I tend to be very reticent with my own. At least the ones around here, on my bus lines.
I had no problem giving a bag of Spanish candy to a sweet old abuelita and her grandson on the bus today but I wouldn't get within 10 feet of the other lady. She put my hackles up and I trust my hackles.
Oh by the way regarding love at work; I asked God for a specific sign if He had a certain man for me. That the chosen one, if you will 😂 (definitely going to be a special order whoever he is) will give me a certain inexpensive gift. It is easy enough for God to put that in the man's head.
And another guy at work gave me something not that different from what I had asked for. 😂 Not what I was expecting! The other guy is very nice but very, very, quiet. So who knows; I am keeping my heart open. Beau is much more friendly and outgoing but if he's not for me he's not for me. I do enjoy talking to him.
Why all the interest in love? Sitting at that funeral a month ago I realized I didn't want to die alone.
On an unrelated note I am drinking a 6 pack of Diet Dew bottles every day at work. So my plan is to wean off them this weekend. I got some decaf tea, I also got some of the drink mix packets. The drink mix is not ideal as it has aspartame but I can do that for a week or so as I "cancel" the Dew and then switch to tea and water. That can only help my health.
I read an article about aspartame aggravating depression and I am battling a depression right now, I can use help.
I am doing a load of towels, I had 2 big spills on my (happily waterproof) floors in the last couple days and I had to mop them up with towels. So now those are dirty and need washing. Maybe bleaching I will think about that.
I plan to take a nap pretty soon. That's it for now.
6 comments:
Trying to find a man because you dont want to die alone is crazy. Either you or him will die first so you would technically still die alone. Stick to dating and don't move any if them into your house.
You are being observed by people of all ethnicities and levels of volatility as you go about your day handing out candy and drawing attention to yourself. I have mentioned before that I am scared for you because you don't seem to understand how criminals think. I have spent decades riding public transportation as a single woman. You can be bothered or threatened or attacked by someone of any ethnicity or appearance. Even someone who seems nice and talks to you in a pleasant way. Even someone who seems grateful for a bag of candy.
Well I carry my stun gun and pepper spray when I go out. Days like next week I will not be carrying my ID or credit cards.
My experience it's the whites I have to look out for.
I was the victim of an attempted mugging about 15 years ago but I did a lot of things wrong, he was very, very high strung and jittery and I turned my back on him. I was distracted listening to my music. Etc. There were many many red flags I missed, and he only got away with,ironically, several bags of candy. I did manage to keep my Bible (I had a small one in the bag which bounced out as we were fighting.
Hang on let me get the link. https://houstonheather.blogspot.com/2009/12/mugging-fail.html
@ 11:35 take it this way, I don't want to live the next/last 30 years of my life alone.
You know God uses Angels, right?
Also no one's moving in unless we are married. No sex beforehand either. Too many problems!
About the comment I was asked not to publish yes I have noticed. That's the problem with having a transparent life I get a lot of opinions on how I'm living it.
And I am sure whatever angels God has assigned to my detail will have a lot of stories to tell! Especially when I did Bible Handouts!
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