Simple fruit

 I can't reveal a lot and I am sorry for that, but after an innocent Youtube video link led to an investigation from Adult Protective services I am a lot more careful now. 

So I do a job.  There are other women doing the job as well. Some work with me, some before or after me, but we all do the same job.  For some reason it's all women on this job. 

When I got hired "Jane" did some of my training.  Part of that she asked me a million questions about my personal life which I have to assume got broadcast.  But I was/am OK with that as I don't share anything I don't want the whole store to hear.  

Things I have shared: I am a widow.  I was married 30 years. Lately I have let it "slip" he had a serious drinking problem. That is one reason I think Beau keeps assuring me he is the next thing to a non drinker.  They all know I have 3 cats I adore.  That, when I started there, I was not looking for a relationship but I told a good friend at work "I am starting to notice men again" so that's probably out there too. I have problems with depression.  I have not disclosed the unnamed mood disorder or the fact I have had the "depression" my whole life even before I met Ron. 

I have not shared I have a blog although it wouldn't be hard to find if you google "Heather (last name)" let me see I think it pops right up. No it does not, at least not on the first page.  The imposter 😂, the other woman with my name (only 2 of us in US), does pop up.  The video of Ron mowing the yard with his shirt off comes up a couple times. Blind men mowing yards are actually popular on You Tube. Links you can pay to get information about "me" don't advise those. But no blog,it's our secret.  

My Facebook comes up but I cleaned that up after Ron died when I was looking for work, a lot of faith, not much else. 

So I am careful what I let out at work.  I consider every word.  That's why it was so out of character for me to tell Beau Ron was a barracho. "And a bad one" I continued in English, he can put what interpretation on that.  That he was a heavy drinker, or a mean one, or both.   All true. 

So I told "Jane" I was 17 and Ron was 37 when we first met.  I didn't say that to Jane for a while but she kept asking; when she heard that she called him "A child molester" and got very tight lipped if I mentioned Ron in passing.  True, dat. But a little harsh.  

So she (Jane) went out on leave back in November.  Something about her knee.  From my understanding she wants to come back but the store can't work with her restrictions.  It seems like everyone else wants her to come back even though in my view she didn't do much.  I can't say what it is we do but the bosses have me doing a lot more of it than she did. 

I understand she is popular. I understand she is well liked.   I understand she is a good listener so everyone wants to talk to her, but we are here to WORK.  Not chat all day like she did even before her injury.  The bosses knew this and this is why I think they don't want her back.  

They gave me her hours which has been a big boost to the bottom line and some people are saying she will "get them back when she returns" which would hurt me economically.  She is married, owns two houses, has social security and adult sons to take care of her if the rest wasn't enough.  She probably feels she "needs" the money but she won't be out in the street without her paycheck like I'd be.  So I am understandably concerned. 

She came to the store one day, talked to me and said she was trying to get ahold of the store manager because "The Home Office" told her only he can fix her problem. I don't know if she saw him but she did talk to the "coach" (higher up manager, right above us is Team Lead then Coach above them). I got my schedule and it is the same thing for the next couple weeks.  They like to have me leave at different times Thursday and Friday which is fine.  

So I feel like everyone is rooting for her and not for me.  I have been here for 2 years working my ass off.  More and more as I recover from Ron's death and I get out from under my crippling depression.   I think I am easy to work with, I am kind, I bring candy...

Kind of hard to feel like chopped liver. I will be glad when this issue gets resolved.  As an employer I wouldn't want Jane back, she doesn't do much work, sets a bad example, and harms productivity. Her weight is causing her health problems.  

I once saw her in the breakroom eating two TV dinners one after another.  I am sure she is insulin resistant like I am and hungry all the time like I was.  Keto would be really beneficial but she's one of those I can't tell her anything because she has already judged me. I've lost 60 pounds since I started working there, that's a pretty big deal...

Oh that reminds me I want to bring my before photo.  

As for me I have enough aches and pains, popping joints, etc. in my 180's I can't imagine working at 280 or even 380 pounds.  It's only going to get worse as I age, I have a pretty intense urgency to get my weight down to a healthier level.  I can't end up like Ron before my time.  It's a hellish life I won't.  

Oh, speaking of food I had a mango for breakfast. Boy, those things are a lot of work. I won't be eating another one. Not another whole one. If someone else fixes it for me yeah but I'm not doing it myself.  For ease I prefer an apple, banana, guava.   Those are easy to eat although I do like to cut up the apple so I'd put it at "mango level" difficulty.  Bananas and guavas are easy to eat. I like a simple fruit. 

Later on I had a little cheese and some walnuts, I also went in my app and created  recipes for the food I am making later.  That way I know exact carb, calorie counts on the things I am taking for lunch.  

I am making two big meals I will portion out for the week.  First, for breakfast, is Taco casserole.  I will do refried beans, taco seasoned ground beef, shredded cheese, a little salsa. That's breakfast for the week. Lunch will be 3 meat "Spaghetti?" which is actually a little bit (1/3 cup per serving) rotini pasta, organic tomato sauce, Italian seasoned ground beef, Kielbasa (as a child all my spaghetti dinners had Kielbasa for some reason, I like it and expect it in my spaghetti), and ground italian sausage.  I have been wanting that for a while.  

The 100% whole wheat pasta has a good amount of fiber and a reasonable carb count I can live with. I don't need a massive amount as I plan to be carb aware even after I'm at goal. But if I'm going to eat pasta whole wheat (which I like) is a good bet. I will see if it impacts my weight. I doubt it, not at 1/3 cup cooked a day. 

I am washing my bedding. I lured Biscuit out of the bed with a can of food, stripped it while he was eating. I did the sheets and now doing the fleece blanket. It's a little rough, seen a lot of use but very rugged and keeps me warm at night. I got a sample of fabric softener from the sample guy at work Friday so I put that in there. 

I worry more about odors in my bedding than I do in my clothes so I put some baking soda in there too. 

That's it for now.